I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST DREAM OF MY LIFE

It was almost like a book. It was way cooler and weirder when I actually had the dream. It sounds a lot less adventurous when I try to describe it.

So our family plus a few other random people were being held captive in our house by a bunch of muscled ruffians dressed like pirates. At one point, we were at my former elementary school's playground, but I can't remember why. The ringleader of the group was a really short guy with a mustache. One of the guys had a wooden leg, and he seemed to be the only one that would talk to me. I walked up to my dad and told him "We have to escape...MacGyver style."

So we both went off in search of supplies. I found scissors and was trying to cut a length of rope from a flagpole when one of the pirate guys realized what I was doing. I hit him over the head with a rusted metal pan, knocking him out. I cut the length of rope, tied it to a tree, and my dad returned with his arms full of C4. The C4 detonated, and I pulled the rope from afar, pulling the tree down on top of our captor's car.

While they were distracted, my brother and I raced for our treehouse, where we grabbed a hammer and an ice pick before running back to the house. We smashed the three tall windows, and I yelled "Everybody get out! Run!" My mom, dad, and a few other random people jumped out the windows with whatever provisions they had time to grab and ran up the driveway to the road.

After that, our group must have split up, because it was just me, my brother, and my dad. We were laying on the side of the road, and we somehow had a mattress that we were lying on. I decided that my pink kitten blanket (don't judge me I haven't used it in six years) would be too noticeable, so I covered it and a few other brightly colored things under a pile of leaves. I have no idea why this was important, since we were literally trying to fall asleep on the side of the road, and would be noticed in an instant.

The next morning, we were back on the road, and we found an abandoned building that seemed to serve our needs. We set up camp, but the evil pirate guys found us. I angrily asked them why they were chasing us, and they replied "You're a metahuman." I went into this absolute-shock-mode, and they took over the house.

My mom had kind of exited the dream at this point. I decided to test my metahuman abilities, and held a hand over a mattress - and it started to float. (I'm assuming this part is based off of a flying carpet.) So I climbed onto the mattress and started navigating my way through the building - which, by the way, was absolutely enormous and jam-packed with people trying to kill me. They were throwing stuff at me - pots, chairs, wooden spoons.

Eventually I reached the outside, and I had cleared a path for my family, who escaped the building and vanished from sight. I flew higher into the sky, but then the wind suddenly faltered, and I floated back down, landing beside a stream. I was panicking, trying to get the mattress out of the stream before the ruffians realized where I was, when my ALGEBRA TEACHER appeared out of nowhere.

I scrambled away from her, slamming against the side of a huge rock, beyond terrified that she would try to kill me for being a metahuman. Instead she helped me pull the mattress out of the stream. After that, she kind of vanished into thin air, so I just got back on the magical flying mattress and flew back into the sky. After I while, I met up with my family, and ditched the flying mattress for a better mode of transportation.

We got on this weird futuristic-above-ground-subway-train thing and told the driver to get us as far away from here as possible. Everything was relatively fine, and I was reading books and staring out the window...until the ruffians arrived. I told everybody to duck as they passed by. It took forever, since there was three cars worth of them, but we finally were able to get back up.

I was eating fruit gummies (grape and strawberry) when our driver informed everyone to exit the train. We did so, and the train was moved to a new set of tracks. In order to escape the ruffian guys, we had to make an enormous jump from one side of a broken down bridge to the other. The middle part was collapsed, and we had no way to cross unless we made the jump.

I know we made the jump successfully, since I was alive afterward, but the ruffians came back, and we hunkered down beside the riverbank in the water. One of our group was sputtering, because he was in deeper water and couldn't breathe as easily, so I pulled a CIRCULAR FISH-TANK-ASTRONAUT-GLASS-HELMET-THING off my head (I don't know why I was wearing it in the first place) and handed it to him.

The weird part is, when he put the helmet on, I realized that the guy I handed the helmet to was my boyfriend. His puffy hair took up half the helmet.

Then I woke up.

MY MIND IS OFF-KILTER