I think it's time for me to be brutally honest with myself and with all of you guys.

I don't like roleplaying as much as I did before. My first instinct is to apologize for that because I know a lot of the people I'm friends with on here still like it, and want to do it, but I never really respond. I'm going through a lot of emotional changes right now, and trying to set my life straight. It's taking a lot of time and energy to overcome some private matters, and recently I've been drifting away from roleplaying over messages or through comments, and in general. I also feel like I don't want to abandon the characters or their stories, because they've come so far, and I don't want the stories to end.

But real talk here, for me, most of the times when I was roleplaying, it was an unhealthy coping mechanism for me. I used it to distance myself from reality, emotions, my family, my responsibilities, and whatever else I didn't want to deal with. It was easier to just vanish into my fantasy world, and that made it easier to not care about much. Writing was so much of an outlet for me that it felt like the only time I could ever be in control. I projected my emotions and insecurities onto my characters to make it easier to deal with them, to feel like someone else understood.

That's only a small part of the crap I'm trying to sort out about my life. Long story short, one severe mental breakdown later, I'm going to a therapist and facing stuff I've been trying to suppress and avoid.

And I'm not going to apologize for doing and acting the way that feels right for me. I've spent way too long agonizing over how other people think of me and giving in to changes I didn't want. I'm not going to apologize for putting myself first - for the first time in years, probably.

For the first time, I don't want to run from reality. For the first time, I'm starting to feel safe and confident in myself, like I mean something, and I don't want to relapse back into hiding from everything.

But I also don't want to cut off ties completely. The people I've met on Wattpad are still significant in my life. They shaped how I acted in the past, and they're now a part of me that can't be replaced or forgotten. For a while, my online friends were more of a family to me than my actual family and friends. I'm trying really hard to change that, and I'm making progress, but I still want Wattpad to stay a part of my life.

This is not an apology - but if anybody I used to talk to still wants to talk, or wants to scream at me for an hour straight, feel free to message me. I'll gladly talk about just about anything, and I won't stop you from expressing whatever you need to express. I know I've been gone for a really long time, and that things might have changed.

I just don't want to give up on you guys yet. I haven't given up on myself, so I have to try.