....... Next day.... As promised she does meet him for coffee...... At 5:pm sharp......
He looks at her... And wonders what changed about her ..
She looks as beautiful as she used to....... Only her hair shorter....... A boldness in her demeanor..and a womanly elegance.... ... Its only that her smile doesn't meet reach her eyes....
"one normal coffee and one decaf..." he orders almost as a reflex..... Just to disturb the cold silence in the atmosphere..... As she does nothing but just stare at him.... As if patiently waiting for him to utter what he has to and excuse her for once.....

While he clings to the chair...... Taking longer than necessary..... And all those unspoken words form a lump in his throat........ While he is indecisive as always........

"so major.... How's life" she says in a casual tone..... Helping him get through initial and difficult parts of conversation while all he could do is stutter........

He isn't sure what is it that he should  ask her...... How she suffered...... All this time..... Or how she managed to survive...... Or rather why is it that she seems so okay.....o

This doesn't look normal.....

He looks at her with a longing...... A strange longing....... ...its suffocating..... But she is calm.... Unaffected.... Indifferent......

"tum ese bina bataye chali gayi..... Bohot koshish ki tumhe dhundne ki.... After the divorce...." he sums up enough courage.... For the first time to speak his mind......

"divorce ke do mahine baad i was due to deliver jiya..... Isliye me apni friend ke sath mumbai aa gai..... Jiya ek saal ki ho gai tab i shifted to london... To complete my phd in clinical psychiatry...... And then i started working as a visiting consultant....."she finishes .... And he isn't sure what not to feel guilty about..... His soul is set on fire on mere imagination of those times when she had to live by herself..... Pregnant.. In  place unknown..... To her..... With no definitive source of money no family.... No hope...... But her tone of voice was neither complaining nor bitter... It was as if she is narrating a story...... Which had no  personal relevance

"What about you.... Aap ki family yahan nahi aai aap ke sath major..... "she asked....  .... About irrelevant details  of his life..... Just for the sake of formality....
Not interested.... Neither expecting him to answer........
As he kept stirring in his coffee...... Having a difficult time ..... Hiding the tempest occuring inside him..... At the moment......

All these years he chased her from one city to another.... Slightest trace of her whereabouts and he would leave it all to meet her..... But in vain..... All information he used to collect about her whereabouts would be false..... He couldn't find a trace of her...... As years passed by..... His life was driven by a single desire    ...... To meet her..... Just once..... And today.. The girl sitting infront of him.... Isn't the girl that he had expected to meet....

He would have expected her to be outraged., angry..... But she is calm as  a sea shore is.... Before the riptide l... .......
He doesn't understand..... Why ...

"meri koi family nahi he...... I have been living alone all these years....."

He replies....
"that's sad.... I feel sorry for you...." she says...... Perhaps.... This is how you  show pity towards someone....... Its been a long time since she had engaged in a small talk.......
And she smiles.... Wryly...a meaningless smile which tells him she is least interested to acknowledge his misery...... She doesn't understand it..   Couldn't even relate to it.....

A distant and estranged look in her eyes.... Disturbing him......

He wants a single sign..... A single ray of hope...... But her eyes ....... Blank as a barren desert........
"this place has really good coffee......mai yahan major chauhan ke sat aa chuki hun...." she doesn't intend to make him feel jealous..... Its just that two people need to talk about some random shit before they get straight to point  ........ That she has realised...... Moreover learnt hard way.....
He always used to talk about random shit..... Even if barely interested...... Before asking her for sex..... She remembers.......
Even she can be polite enough to pretend.......
"naina..... I..." just as he framed the sentence..... He found her busy in ger phone......

Texting someone.....
"So you are getting along well in here .... No troubles with work and stuff"he diverted her.....and she apologised.....
"yeah..... Its a nice place..... Although i prefer not to stay for a long time in here.... I  afraid it would get boring and monotonous..... Is project ke baad mujhe germany jana he..... Its only becuase brigadier chandok insisted that i agreed to come.... "this tone of hers spoke multitudes...... For someone who would know her as she was once.......she was a person... Who would turn most mundane work in an adventure.....her eyes.. Always excited .....she was someone who could make most insignificant things in life..... Sound interesting  ............

But the way  now... she speaks is as if she has a reahresed and measured her words......before coming here.....

He couldn't help..... But it came out as a word vomit
"major chauhan.... Aur tumhari kaafi acchi dosti ho gai he kam waqt me..." unable to hide the bitterness.....

She keenly raises her eyebrows.....

"haan... He is a good company....." she chuckles sarcastically.....

"naina.... He isn't a decent person..... I know i have no right to say u this....... Par major chauhan is just interested in being physically involved with u..... Nothing else..."

She is sipping her coffe calmly... Analysing his state of mind......

"i know that.....
All men want just that
Kuch keh  dete hain, kuch nahi
" she says dryly...

He lowers his eyes out of shame

"infact i prefer men who don't get involved with emotions "

Peecha chudana mushkil ho jata hai
She said with fed up tone.

Wait ...... did she  just said men???
He got jhatka a hard one.

Infact we made it clear before hand
.... And then we had sex a couple of times..... But that shouldn't be your concern....." she replies casually........

He was spell bound.
Tongue tied.

She  sipped her coffee.

"Don't worry
Wo mera istemal nahi kar raha hai..."

"agar aap ne yahi baat karne ke liye mujhe yahan bulaya tha..... To i suppose u have got your answers..... Now if you please excuse me....."

.

And earth beneath his feet slips..... And he chokes on the liquid he is sipping........ As the reality hits him hard like a hammer...

Naina he knew was innocent.... And pure..... . This just doesn't make ny sense...... He kept repeating it to himself... As she walked away...... Looking  at her retreating figure.......

People don't remain same after 7 long years of loneliness and suffering.....

Its as if she is a soulless body.... Mere.. reflection of her former self...

But what's ironic is that he is the one who made her this way...... He was the reason for her lost innocence....... He was the one who caused this

He could no longer bear the burden of..... Truth..... As it reflected his real image...... Infront of himself......

What he perceived as a a mere mistake  which could be corrected by an apology..... Was a henious crime....
He has  killed her innocence.... And no matter how much he would deny it...... He knows that since ..... The night he saw her lifeless body sitting on the bed.. As he asked her to leave....

He had killed her long before........
Its only now that he isn't left with any other option but to admit this truth to himself.......
Its only now that his cowardice.... Is as crystal clear.......