In the temple, an Elite walks in firing a machine gun turret. Sarge and Grif are taking cover behind a corner and avoiding the gunfire while Slade and Kan fire back.

Sarge: Grif, listen. We may not make it out of this.

Grif: What?

Sarge: If you die, I think I'm prepared to live with that. I practiced it a lot. But there's also a chance you might survive and I won't!

Grif: (irritated) There'd be a better chance if you'd help us shoot! (starts to fire back at the Elite)

Sarge: In case I don't make it, I can't help but think about all the future mistakes you're gonna make that I'm not gonna be there to scream at you about!

Grif: (sarcastic) Oh, stop. I'm getting all teary-eyed.

Slade: Sarge, shut the fuck up and start being an ACTUAL leader! You could bloody do so by tossing a grenade or something!

Sarge: I just want to let you boys know that at my bunk back at the base, there's a recorder deck. I've prerecorded about 57 hours of rants that should be applicable in a variety of situations. Whenever you're feeling good about yourself, I want you to play one. And always remember! Somebody hates you.

The Elite ceases fire when Epsilon floats above him into the room and looks down at him.

Epsilon: Oh hey, alien. What's up?

The Elite immediately drops his gun and bows down.

Tucker: Cease fire!

Slade, Kan, and Grif stops shooting.

Epsilon: Um, the alien's being weird in here.

Grif: What's it doing?

Tucker: No, no, I've seen this before. Some of the aliens worship this ancient technology. This one probably thinks Church is some kind of god.

Epsilon: Wow! Seriously? That's pretty fucking cool.

Caboose: (gasps) Maybe that's why your name is Church!

Epsilon: Oh, what's up, prayin' dude? How do ya' like me now? BIP-(smashes a box into the Elite)-O!

Slade: Church! What the hell is wrong with you?!

Tucker: I think that's taking advantage of your deity status, dude!

Epsilon: Well, what good is being a god if you can't smite some people? Let's have fun...

Headcase: The shots came from down here! Form up, men!

Sarge: Whoa! Incoming!

Epsilon: (floats back into the other room and hides) Good luck, guys!

Headcase charges in with another soldier and Smith.

Headcase: Freeze! Lower your weapons!

Several other soldiers and Elites rush in from a different entrance.

Headcase: (to Tucker) You... do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused me? I should kill you right here.

Slade steps in front of Tucker.

Slade: Leave them out of this. This is between you and me, ya fucker!

Headcase: Couldn't agree more. (aims his rifle at Slade's head) Say goodbye to your pals.

Epsilon: (reappears) Somebody's gettin' killed? I wanna watch.

Headcase: You activated it?!

Epsilon: Activated what?

Headcase: Secure the relic! Don't let it get away!

The soldier behind Headcase pulls out a plasma pistol.

Epsilon: Oh, cool pistol! Green's my favorite color.

The soldier fires at Epsilon, who yells some gibberish and is then knocked down.

Caboose: Church!

Headcase: Yes!

Smith: <NO!>

Headcase: Great shot, Jones.

Jones: Thanks! But it's actually pronounced Jo-an-es, sir.

Smith slugs Jones and he falls over, allowing the Elite to then continuously beat him.

Headcase: Smith?! What are you doing?!

The other Elites look at one another before firing at Headcase's men.

Sarge: What's happening?!

Slade: Kan! Explanation, please!

Kan: My brothers appear to have been angered from how Headcase's soldiers attacked Church! They think that the Oracle Church is possessing to be a significant artifact to our race!

As Headcase's men begin to fall, he shoots Slade in the shoulder before swiping Epsilon off the ground.

Slade: AGH!

Kan: Slade!

Headcase: Get out of the way!

Tucker: Let's go!

Caboose: Wait! We need to grab Church!

Grif: That guy in brown armor grabbed him!

Slade: (shakes off the pain) Come on! We gotta stop him!

Headcase: (running out of the temple) Cover me until I'm clear!

Headcase tosses Epsilon into his jeep as other soldiers on the Elephant mount their own Mongoose. Headcase then drives off. Smith exits the temple and walks around in search for Headcase.

Smith: <Fool!>

The troops on the Mongoose drive off after Headcase as Caboose and Grif charge out of the temple followed by Sarge.

Grif: There he goes! Everybody, get in the jeep!

Sarge: We gotta get that thing turned over!

Caboose: I'll do it! (flips it with ease)

Sarge: Wow, you are strong.

Sarge takes the shotgun position and Caboose takes the gun.

Grif: Is this thing gonna even start? (takes the driver's seat)

Sarge: Hopefully. Come on, Chupababy!

Grif starts the engine and drives off as Slade, Kan, and Tucker run around the temple.

Caboose: Tucker, Slade, where are you going?

Tucker: There's no room for us! I'll be right back!

Slade: Kan! Come on, I got an idea!

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Back at Valhalla, South, Simmons, Lopez, and Donut are charging out from behind a clump of boulders towards Blue Base.

Simmons: Okay, look for anything that looks like a vehicle. It may have wheels... and/or seats.

South: That's a fucking vehicle looks like! Jesus, I thought you were supposed to be the smartass of your squad.

Lopez: [I think 'kissass' is the word you meant to say.]

Simmons: Stay calm. Don't panic.

Lopez: [You're the one who's panicking!]

Donut: Lopez is right, maybe we should panic.

Simmons: I'll try back here. It has to be—(crashes into a cloaked vehicle) Oh! (falls back) ...somewhere...

The Warthog then materializes.

Donut: What the heck was that?! What? Invisible car? That's too cool.

South: Huh. Always thought Maine was more brawn than brains.

Simmons: The Meta must've cloaked it... (stands) Ugh...

Lopez: [Told you so.]

Simmons: I've never seen anything like this before either, Lopez.

Lopez: [Fuck you!]

Simmons: Okay, everybody, hop in. Let's get the fuck out of here.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Back at the desert, Sarge, Grif, and Caboose continue to chase after Headcase.

Sarge: There he goes!

Grif: Uh yeah, I see him.

Sarge: Well, see him faster!

Caboose: Look out for the guys behind us!

The soldiers in the Mongoose chasing after them launch a rocket.

Grif: How can I look out for guys that are behind us?!

The rocket flies past Headcase, making him swerve.

Headcase: Don't shoot at me! Shoot at them!

The three change directions as Headcase is now in front with his troops in the Mongoose trailing behind him. Sarge, Grif, and Caboose trail behind as Headcase's soldiers launch another rocket at the team but miss, twice. When they drive over a hill, the Mongoose tips and rolls over, falling behind. Elites in a Prowler chase after them. Headcase takes a different route than Grif but is still in sight.

Sarge: Caboose! Charge that cannon!

Caboose: Okay! It's running!

Sarge: Fire!

They fire at Headcase, but then their Warthog afterwards is disabled. Headcase gets away.

Sarge: Hey!

Grif: The engine died!

The Elites pass by, still chasing after Headcase.

Caboose: Look! Aliens! Well, they must be here to help!

Sarge: They're going after Headcase! Grif, get the engine started!

A rocket flies by them.

Grif: Uh... Sarge?

Sarge: Uh oh!

They turn to their right and see the soldiers on the Mongoose are in sight. Tucker screams from a distance, catching the soldiers' attention.

Tucker: HEY ASSHOLES! (flies overhead on a Chopper) YAAAAAAHHHHAHAHHHAHAHHH!! (crashes into a cave-like entrance) ... Fuck.

The soldiers turn back to fire at Sarge, Grif, and Caboose only to be shot down by several plasma bolts. Slade and Kan swerve in on their own Prowler, Slade driving and Kan on the turret.

Slade: Have no fear! Slade and Kan are here! Haha!