In the desert, the Elephant is ramming into the temple's door.

Grif: The hell are they doing out there?

Tucker: They've been trying to blast their way in here ever since I locked it down. They're not having much luck though, ARE YOU, FUCKING ASSHOLES? The stuff looks like rock, but it's way tougher.

Grif: What's tougher than rock?

Caboose: Paper.

Tucker: How the fuck should I know? Super rock? What am I, some kind of, geographist?

Slade: I think you mean petrologist.

Tucker: Whatever.

Sarge: They have some kind of big machine out there.

Tucker: Yeah, they just got that thing. I think they think they're gonna yank this door off with it. Not fucking happening.

Sarge: They wanna get their hands on that weapon?

Tucker: Yeah, and we can't let them turn it on, no matter what happens.

Sarge: Well, why don't we just turn it on and use it against them?

Tucker: The fuck, what?! We don't know what it does! We can turn it on and it could make us all sterile.

Slade: Okay, first: you are bloody psychotic. Second: Monitors aren't that powerful. They're just able to connect with various pieces of technology and can shoot a big-ass laser from their ocular sensor. And third: even if we DID turn the Monitor on, for all we know it'd probably shoot back up into space and go find it's Halo!

Caboose heads off while the others are talking.

Grif: Would it do that?

Tucker: Well, the last weapon we found was designed to wipe out all organic life in a huge radius.

Grif: (whistles) Wow. ... What's a, radius?

Slade: (palms visor) Fuckin' idiots....

Tucker: I don't know, they just made me learn this crap for my dumb job. Point is, don't touch anything. You hit the wrong button or flip the wrong switch, we'll all be dead before you can say—Where's Caboose?

Sarge: Uh, I don't think that's how that expression goes.

Tucker: No, I mean where the fuck is Caboose?

Slade looks around, surprised

Slade: Well, shit.

Sarge: Oh yeah... he does have a habit of wandering off. He's been trying to rig equipment to do something. We don't really know what. That boy is not quite right, you know?

Tucker: What? I just said not to touch anything, and you guys went and walk away to find equipment? What the hell is wrong with you? Man, I swear, you guys have always been idiots, but this takes the cake!

Grif: Hey! He's on your team, asshole.

Tucker: Oh. Right. ...Hey, uh, so if you guys aren't doing anything, you wanna help me go find Caboose?

Sarge: Let's go.

Sarge, Grif, Slade, and Kan begin to walk off past Tucker.

Grif: So embarrassing for you...

Tucker: Just go find the guy.

Grif: So sad...

Tucker: I fucked your sister.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

At Valhalla. Lopez is working on another Mongoose, humming to himself. Simmons and South rush towards him.

Simmons: Loooopeeeezzz!

Lopez: [No! I just fixed this. This one is mine. Stay away!]

Simmons: He's here! He's here!

Lopez: [Who?]

South: How the fuck he was able to find us?! He lost all his AI in the blast!

Lopez: [I still don't know who the both of you are talking about.]

A grenade shot by the Meta flies by and crashes into the Red Base.

Simmons: The Meta! He's here!

Lopez: [What? Here? I thought he was dead.]

South: Oh, shit! Duck!

South, Simmons, and Lopez duck as a grenade flies overhead.

South: Motherfucker!

Simmons: Son of a bitch!

Lopez: [Son of a bitch!]

Simmons: Lopez! We need some big guns.

Lopez: [Okay. That I can do.]

Simmons: I'll grab the rocket launcher. (picks up rocket launcher while South and Lopez goes inside the base) Just grab whatever you can, guys! I'm trained to handle this weapon. (stands by the motorcycle Lopez was fixing) South? Lopez? Anybody?

The Meta approaches the back of Red Base and halts upon seeing Simmons.

Simmons: All right, you bastard! Prepare to get "Simmonsized!"

Simmons fires a rocket, which hits the motorcycle. The vehicle flies over the Meta and lands to the side of the base, on fire. The Meta growls and turns his attention back to Simmons.

Simmons: Well, fuck me.

Missiles crash into the Meta from the base's entrance before a huge red laser blast blows sends the Meta crashing into the water several hundreds yards away from the canyon.

Lopez and South come out of the base. The robot holding a missile pod and the female Freelancer hefting a Spartan Laser.

South: Okay, first: what the hell kind of a shot was that? Secondly, what is it with you idiots and your catchphrases? Seriously?

Simmons: Guys!

Lopez: [Shut the fuck up. You broke my motorcycle again.]

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Inside the temple, Caboose is standing with the Epsilon unit next to him. The A.I. unit is making noise, while Caboose darts to the side and examines a box.

Caboose: No. (examines a cylindrical object) No. (discovers something buried in the dirt) Hmm...

Elsewhere in the temple, the Reds and Tucker search for Caboose when they hear the intercom from the Elephant outside.

Intercom: Just open the temple and you can leave. We'll take what we want; no one has to get hurt.

Tucker: Shut up, idiot! I should've stabbed that fucking speaker while I was out there.

Slade: Or maybe just have blown up the Elephant to begin with.

Grif: Caboose!

Tucker: Caboose, where are you?

Kan: Show yourself, my friend.

Sarge: Hey, Blue! Hope you're not dead! Now that there's two of ya, we finally have a fair fight! Come on out here so we can kill ya!

Slade: (shushes them) Listen!

Caboose: Would you be quiet? See, you're gonna get me in trouble.

Voice: Trouble? Fuck that.

Tucker: Who's he talking to? Aw, crap! Did somebody break into the temple?

Caboose: Shut up—okay, see, you broke that. See, that was your fault.

Voice: That, that was already broken.

Tucker: Whew! (withdraws his sword) All right, let's charge in there and take these assholes out. On my mark.

Sarge and Grif look at him confused.

Slade: ...That means when he says "go."

Grif: That voice sounds familiar.

Sarge: Yeah. I find it annoying and grating for some reason.

Caboose: Okay, just stop moving around, hold still!

Voice: I am holding still, you're the one that's moving.

Tucker: Yeah, that's sounds like-

Voice: Get your hands off me! Fucking douche!

Kan: Could that be-

Caboose: I'm sorry, Church!

Tucker/Grif/Slade: Church?!

The five run around the corner and find Caboose standing next to a floating Monitor.

Caboose: I can explain.

Monitor: (in Church's voice) Who the fuck are these guys?

Sarge: Who brought the floating bowling ball? Where's the thumb hole?

Slade: Caboose, I honestly don't know whether to be disappointed in you or surprised.