Epsilon, Rho, and Caboose are standing atop Blue Base.

Epsilon: Okay, Caboose, think back. When you called Command about the special forces person, what did they say to you?

Caboose: They said, "This is Command. We read you Blue base."

Epsilon: After that.

Caboose: "Roger. Over and out."

Epsilon: Before that. Somewhere between those two. "Goodbye" and "Hello" are not the important parts of the conversation.

Caboose: No I know, and my name isn't even Roger...although that is a very cool nickname. I wonder if it fits? Roger shut up. Roger don't put that in your mouth. Roger put that down. Roger will you please be my best friend. Signed, Church. P.S. Your new name is the best. I like it. Signed, Church...again.

Epsilon: (aggravated) What did they tell you in the middle? What did they say? I need you to focus, Caboose.

Caboose stands quietly still.

Epsilon: (groans) Ugh...I need you to focus ROGER.

Rho: (snickers) Man, where's a pop-up chair and popcorn when you need them?

Caboose: (lively again) Okay, they said that since one of our troops was hurt, and since we're outnumbered, they would send us a special agent to help us recover.

Epsilon: And they said that agent would be here....

Caboose: Yes.

Epsilon: No, no, not yes. When?

Caboose: When I was on the call with them.

Epsilon: I mean the special agent.

Caboose: No, no see the operator said that.

Epsilon: (frustrated) When?!

Caboose: When I called Command. How else would they tell me?

Epsilon: Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop...Let's just go through this step by step, okay? You called Command.

Caboose: Yes.

Epsilon: And they said they were sending a special agent.

Caboose: Yes.

Epsilon: To our base.

Caboose: Yes.

Epsilon: When did they say the special agent was coming?

Caboose: Oh, right before they gave me my new nickname.

Epsilon: (furious) Goddamn it, Caboose! Alright just forget it!

Epsilon leaves angrily.

Caboose: No, see it's Roger now, remember? See I know it can be confusing sometimes, Church, you have to keep up.

Rho: Roger, you sir, have made my day.

Tucker walks up next to them.

Tucker: Hey Roger, what's wrong with Church?

Caboose: Oh I don't know, he's having trouble understanding something. You know how he is with that.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

At Red Base, Sarge and Simmons are working on a robot. They'd just completed the head and legs. Slade watches while leaning against the Warthog. Donut walks up to them.

Donut: Wow guys, your robot is looking great!

Sarge: Thanks. I didn't even know I was good with machines! You know what they say: Necessity is the mother of-

Donut: Hey Sarge, can I ask you about something?

Sarge: Sure, go ahead.

Donut: Umm, in private?

Simmons: Oh sure, um I get it. Don't want me around. That's fine. No big deal. I mean you're not talking about me, right? Haha, right? You're not talking about me?

Donut and Sarge leave.

Donut: Be right back Simmons.

Simmons: (quietly) Sure you will. That's just what my dad said.

Slade: (walks off) Christ, I'm heading inside before you start having another meltdown. (halts) Wow. I think I should be assertive more often.

Donut and Sarge walk up a hill.

Sarge: What's up, Donut?

Donut: Sarge, you ever have...you know, um...feelings and stuff?

Sarge: Feelings? Sure, all the time! Who doesn't?

Donut: I just wanna talk to someone about some thoughts I've been having.

Sarge: Thoughts? About life and stuff?

Donut: Yeah, and you always seem so interested in the men and how we're doing.

Sarge: Well that's my job! Lay it on me. I'm all ears.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Back at Blue Base, Epsilon walks up to the tank and starts talking to it.

Epsilon: Sheila, turn on! Hey, uh, activate! Um...oh FILSS, FILSS, I command you to start!

Rho and Tucker run up to Epsilon.

Tucker: What the fuck are you doing?

Epsilon: I'm trying to turn on the damn tank.

Tucker: By yelling at it?

Rho: Church, this tank isn't equipped with a training program.

Tucker: Why don't you just use a key?

Epsilon: You have keys for the tank?

Tucker: Nah, they didn't send them.

Epsilon: (sarcastically) Thanks, you're a big help.

Tucker: Me? I'm not the one yelling at the tank. Hey, the TV is on fritz too. You wanna come inside and yell at it? Maybe you could insult his mother or something.

Epsilon: I need to get the tank running before Tex shows up.

Tucker: Right, the secret agent who also just happens to be your girlfriend.

Epsilon: It's complicated.

Tucker: And you think if you have a tank you're going to impress her.

Rho: (quietly) If only you knew what your real self thought about it....

Epsilon: No, I need it to defend us in case things get a little, out of hand with her. Like I said it's-

Rho: Complicated.

Epsilon: Yeah, complicated.

Rho: I think it's only complicated because you're making it that way.

Caboose suddenly appears.

Caboose: I had a girlfriend once.

Tucker: Nobody cares.

Caboose: I met her on the Internet.

Tucker: Oh man, your girlfriend was a dude.

Rho: I hope that's not the voice of experience talking...

Caboose: Her name was Emailia. She would send me letters all the time.

Rho: Wait a minute-

Tucker: Sounds high maintenance.

Caboose: Letters from my family, letters about stuff I ordered online, even about investment opportunities from other countries.

Tucker: What? Dude, I don't think your girlfriend's name was Emailia, I think it was Email. I'm pretty sure you fell in love with your email.

Caboose: She was always there for me, until I forgot our special word.

Rho: Your password?

Caboose: (sadly) She never forgave me.

Tucker: Well I guess you should've made out with her sister, Voicemailia.

Rho: Okay, Tucker, now that's just-

Caboose: Oh, she talked too much, and she always blinked at me.

Rho: ....I stand corrected.

Epsilon: (angrily) Come on you stupid tank, just start!

Tucker: Dude give it up, stop working on the tank. You can't pick up chicks in a tank anyway.

Epsilon: What?

Tucker: Actually, now that I say it out loud, I guess you could pick up chicks in a tank. Well I could. You can't, so stop messing with it.

Smooth, sensual music begins playing.

Epsilon: I have to do something.

Rho: Does anyone else hear something jazzy playing?

Tucker: You wanna impress your girl? Just listen to me. School's in session. About to start the master class. Professor Fuck, that's me.

Rho: I think you meant to say "Professor Fucked Up".

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Back at Red base, Simmons looks at Sarge and Donut still talking on the hill. Grif and Slade walk toward him.

Slade: I hope you're done moping now.

Simmons: Fuck off, ya Austrian jackass.

Slade: (menacingly) What was that?

Simmons: (quickly) Nothing!

Grif: Man, are Sarge and Donut still talking up there?

Simmons: Yeah, it's been a few hours. Maybe I should see if they want anything to eat. (heads up to the hill)

Donut: And don't even get me started on the design of the new armor! The lines are all wrong...and the color pallet? I mean, what is this...Autumn?! Am I right? But let's save that for another day.

Sarge: Yeah....

Donut: Well, thanks for the talk Sarge.

As Donut leaves, Simmons walks towards Sarge.

Simmons: So, uh, what were you guys talking about?

Sarge: Lots of things...feelings mostly.

Simmons: That was a long talk.

Sarge: Yes it was.

Simmons: Seems like a lot of feelings.

Sarge: Yes it is...

Simmons: Well, if there is anything the troops can confide in, it's you Sarge.

Sarge: Simmons, I'm going to be honest with you...I think he might have used all that up.

Simmons: But, you still have time for me right? I have some thoughts I've been wanting to get off my chest.

Sarge: Why don't we just get back to work?

Simmons: Back to work after our heart felt discussion, right sir?

Sarge: You know what I'm thinking Simmons, let's just put a pin in that discussion.

Simmons: A pin?

Sarge: Or a nail. Nails last longer. Or one of them railroad spikes! Tell you what, let's abandon the pin metaphor altogether. Let's just take your idea, put it in a box, wrap that box in chains, then cover the whole thing with cement, and throw it in the ocean.

Simmons: ....I'll just get back to work sir.

Sarge: Now that idea I like!