DURING FREELANCER MANY YEARS AGO...

The Mother of Invention flies through space. Wash, York, and Cal look down between North's legs.

Wash: I expected it to be... bigger.

York: Why? You've seen mine. It's small too.

California: Same account on mine.

Wash: Yeah, but he's green. And yours is... I don't know? Full of it?

York: How does that even make sense?

California: When has he ever made sense?

North: Hey Wash, quit staring. You're making it nervous.

Wash: Yeah, it's just... they're so small!

York: Small, yeah! But you wouldn't believe what it can do!

North: Besides, you better get used to it. You're going to have one of your own, soon enough.

South comes to see what they're all looking at.

South: (scoffs) Give me a break.

California: Lass, you're just jealous you haven't got one and you know it.

South flips him off and walks away.

North: It's alright Theta, come on out. People just want to say hello to you.

Theta, a purple and pink multi-colored AI, was hiding behind North's left leg.

Theta: I don't know. There's so many of them. And they're so... big.

Wash: See! I'm not the only one who thinks size is important.

York: I'm just going to let that one go...

California: Okay, Wash, just back it up, mate. You're scaring him.

North: It's okay Theta. They're all friends of mine. For reasons beyond my comprehension.

Theta appears above North's shoulder.

Theta: They're looking at me.

North: That's because they want to meet you. This is York, Wash, and Cal.

Wash: Hey there little....computer....dude.

York: Give it a rest, Wash. Theta, I have a friend just like you. His name is Delta.

California: So do I. And his name is Rho.

Theta appears in front of York and Cal.

Theta: Really?

York: Yeah! Here, you-you wanna say hello to 'em?

North: Um....York?

California: It'll be okay, mate. Just for a few minutes.

Delta and Rho appear in front of York and Cal.

Delta: Hello Theta. I am Delta. It is nice to meet you.

Rho: And I'm Rho. Welcome to the world, little buddy.

Theta: (nervously) Hello.

North: See? Everybody here is nice. Isn't that right, Delta?

Delta: Agent North, I do not feel qualified to make a judgement about humans with whom I have only limited experience. Also, "nice" is a rather subjective term for-

Rho: D, if we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times: stow the chatterbox and just roll with it.

Delta: Oh yes! Everyone here is "nice".....within standard acceptable deviations.

York: DELTA!

North: And that's my sister over there, South. We're twins.

North nods to South leaning against a wall, watching them.

Theta: I have a sister.

Wash: You do?

Theta: We have many siblings.

Wash: What do you mean by si-

Director: Hello everyone.

The Director and Counselor enter the room. The Freelancers line up and Theta disappears.

Director: I hope you're ready to begin our test. Delta! Rho! I believe you know the protocol about communicating directly with other AI units.

Rho: Man, what the hell does it matter? The new kid's literally, well, a kid!

California: Rho, chill, mate.

Delta: I apologize sir. We will log off.

Director: Don't! I want you to help administer the test. Gentlemen, if you will take the floor.

Theta appears in front of North.

North: Ok, just like we practiced.

Theta: Are they all going to watch?

North: Of course! They want to see if you're as good as I said you are.

Theta: Really? Well, I guess that's okay.

North: That's the spirit! Come on, let's do this!

Both of them exit to the floor.

Director: Delta, Rho I expect you both to follow protocol at all times.

Delta: We were only attempting to make the new unit more comfortable.

York: It's my fault, sir. I asked him to. New kid seems kind of shy.

California: BOTH of our faults, sir.

Counselor: Agent North was paired with Theta for a reason. His nurturing nature is best suited to care for Theta's....unique personality.

York: Yeah. He is used to looking out for people, isn't he?

York glances at South.

Counselor: Quite. Delta, your skills are more... analytical in nature. As Rho's is based on strength and will.

Delta: If I may disagree, Theta has made double the number of declarative statements since our appearance. That indicates 100% increase in confidence since we modified our interaction strategy. I think that speaks volumes to my caring algorithms.

Rho: In other words, heart is better than logic. At least some of the time.

Counselor: You make an excellent point. Let's begin the test.

Delta and Rho disappear. North enters the training floor with a sniper rifle in hand as the Director, Counselor, and other Freelancers watch from above.

Director: Begin the test.

Theta appears above North's shoulder. Turrets surround North and open fire. Immediately, a Domed Energy Shield activates around North.

Counselor: As you may recall, Agent North used his equipment in the field on a previous mission.

Delta: (appears) He was able to successfully maintain the deflective shield for 3.4 seconds in order to block an explosive projectile attack.

Director: And he somehow managed not to kill himself in the process.

Delta: The maneuver only had a 0.1% chance of success. Had he performed it 999 more times, I'm rather certain he would've been obliterated on each one.

York: Hey, I'd rather be lucky than good any day.

Wash: You usually are.

California: You seem to be unlucky, in a bunch of other situations, mate.

York: (gestures between Wash and himself) You talking to me or him?

California: Yes.

Director: Luck will only take one so far. I am in the business of getting results. Let's see what Theta can do. Delta, reduce shield strength by 50%.

Delta: Modifying.

The Domed Energy Shield surrounding North and Theta begins to flicker.

North: Power dropping! Theta, use remaining power to compensate for critical tiles!

Theta: Okay.

Theta takes control of the Domed Shield and separates it into tiles, blocking the turrets' incoming fire.

Director: Add variables.

Delta: Acknowledged.

The turret beams begin to gyrate, moving around and above North and Theta. Theta follows the turrets and maintains critical shield tiles where they are needed.

North: Great job, Theta!

Theta: Stop talking to me! You'll mess me up!

North: Right. Sorry.

Director: Reset.

The floor resets and the Domed Energy Shield becomes fully restored to 100% power.

Director: Agent North. Your objective now is to eliminate all targets.

More turrets appear.

Director: Begin.

Wash: I thought the shield works both ways. There's no way for him to attack.

California: Just wait for it, mate.

North: Theta, analyze turret rate of fire. Adjust shield to match.

Theta: Okay....Done.

North: Firing. On my mark.

Theta: Ready!

North: Mark!

North fires his sniper and the shield flickers open just enough for North's sniper bullet to pass through and then immediately reseals. The bullet takes out a turret. North and Theta repeat this method for the remaining turrets.

Delta: All targets eliminated.

Director: Test complete. Excellent work!

The Domed Shield deactivates.

Wash: WOHOW!!!!!! WOW! That was incredible!

York: HAHA YEAH! What did I tell ya?

Wash: And we're sure they don't get any bigger?

York: Dude, you are killing me with that!

Cal just grabs Wash and noogies him over the helmet.

California: Wash, quit being wanker.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

PRESENT DAY...

Outside Zanzibar, the Reds and Kan talk with one another.

Grif: Sarge, how come every time the Blues or Slade get involved in something stupid and dangerous, we get dragged along too?

Sarge: You know what they say. Keep your friends close and your enemies within range of your primary firearm!

Simmons: Sir! I realize-

Sarge: So you can shoot 'em!

Simmons: ... I realize that we agreed to help Slade, South, Wash and Carolina, but how do we know that they're gonna help us?

Grif: What do you mean?

Simmons: I mean, if we run into trouble, do you really think they'll stick their neck out for us?

Kan: Slade has saved you all on multiple occasions, need I point out.

Sarge: True. But, for a back-stabbing, double-crossing, no-good, dirty-rotten Blue, that Wash fella isn't too bad.

Grif: What a ringing endorsement!

Simmons: I'm more worried about Carolina. What if after all of this is over, she decides to get rid of us?

Grif: Why would she do that?

Simmons: I don't know! To tie up loose ends? To cover her trail? Don't you watch spy movies? They love that shit!

Sarge: My God, man! Get a hold of yourself! You're making us look weak in front of the enemy!

They all turn and see Caboose standing behind them.

Caboose: Hello.

Sarge: Listen! I don't want to hear you talk about secret double-crosses, or mysterious subplots, or Freelancer conspiracies anymore! We've had enough of those going on around here as it is.

Sarge walks away.

Simmons: But don't you think that-

Grif: Sorry, sorry! I can't really talk right now, Simmons. I have got to go secure a perimeter over at the, uh, shady spot over there.

Grif leaves Simmons and Kan with Caboose. Simmons then turns toward Caboose.

Simmons: I liked it better when we only had to fight you.

Caboose: Yeah! Blue Team is pretty awesome right now. Right Tucker?

Caboose turns to see that Tucker is gone.

Caboose: Right Church?

Caboose turns to Simmons and Kan.

Caboose: Hello.

Simmons: Uh.... where's the rest of your team?

Kan: I have an idea as to where...

Slade and Tucker watch the entrance of the facility as Epsilon, Delta, Theta, and Rho appear next to them while Wash and South enter. Slade taps Tucker and they walk off as all four AI disappear.