Blue Base
Tucker and Caboose have Donut and Leo surrounded inside the blue base.

Tucker: So, they send a female assassin and a Red to try and kill us. Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. ...Unless you wanna date one of us.

Leo: Hahaha! They think your a girl!

Donut: Female!? I'm not a girl.

Tucker: Tease.

Leo: Ok that's just weird.

Tucker hits Leo in the stomach with his gun.

Tucker: Quiet prisoner! I get to decide what's weird and not!

Leo: (In pain) Ok ffiinee.

Donut: Besides, I just have, light red armor.

Caboose: How is that pink armor anyway? Looks comfortable...

Donut: At first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' aweful. But the crotch in this pink one is surprisingly roomy!

Tucker: Silence woman!

Leo: He's a dude!!

Tucker: I said silence!

Red Base
Sarge is addressing Simmons and Grif.

Sarge: Good Bhudda's noodle, how could this have happened?

Simmons: It's okay sir. It was a strong plan, Grif's just a dumbass.

Grif: Hey, I'm using your cerebral cortex.

Sarge: Settle down, ladies. We need a new strategum, and we need it fast.

Simmons: Leo probably won't crack but, Donut's sure to crack under the pressure and reveal everything.

Grif: Everything like what, where we keep his tampons?

Sarge: You're right about that, Simmons. Leo's a tough shell to break and Donut doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh these kids today!

Blue Base
Church enters the blue base with Tucker waiting for him.

Ghost Church: How's it goin', Tucker? We get any useful information outta the prisoners yet?

Tucker: Well the dark red one won't say shit about what they were doing but, I figured they where here to steal back Lopez, but the pink one won't give us anything... except a list of crock pot recipes. Would that be useful?

Ghost Church: Do we have a crock pot?

Tucker: No, Caboose made a trade with that annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a mystery box.

Ghost Church: What was in the mystery box?

Tucker: A hundred and forty jars of mayonnaise.

Ghost Church: ...well that's a good trade...

Tucker: Yeah it doubles as a great sunscreen.

Ghost Church: How did you- never mind. Listen, I think I came up with a plan for how we can use Lopez and our new prisoners to get an upper hand on the reds...

Tucker: ...

Church/Tucker: ...

Church: The plan does not involve mayonnaise.

Tucker: Dammit, I knew there would be a catch.

Caboose, Donut and Leo are currently just talking with each other.

Caboose: That was fun. Okay, okay, your turn peo.

Leo: For the last time Caboose it's Leo.

Caboose: Those aren't the words Peo.

Leo: (Sighs) Truth or dare, Caboose?

Caboose: Mmmmmm....I....choose......truth.

Leo: Ok....um got any siblings?

Caboose: Yeah! I got three sisters who are my B.F.F's!

Leo: Well that's nice Caboose but, now it's your turn now.

Caboose: Oh...um...Yes! Pinky, truth or dare!

Donut: Hmmm, truth!

Caboose: Okay. Tell me, all of the red secret plans!

Donut: Ahaw, you tricked me! You blue guys are so smart. Okay, now listen closely. Our biggest secret is-

Church runs up and inhabits Donut.

Donut: Adgibagajabagagagagagagagagagaa!

Leo: Holy shit! Donut are you alright!

Church: Caboose! It's me, Church. I posessed this guy so we can... whoo, hey. This pink armor's kinda comfortable. Roomy. What were you two guys talkin' about?

Caboose: Ohouw, nothing.

Church: You wanna braid each other's hair?

Leo: Hold the fuck up! What do you mean you posessed Donut!! Ghost aren't real!!

Church: Shit! Um.....Caboose I think it's the red guys bed time, Caboose!

Caboose: Oh no! (Looks at Leo) You need your rest now!

Caboose walks over to Leo and puts him in a choke hold.

Leo: AGAIN!!! THATS IT, WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS, IM GOING TO MURDER YOU ALL!! JESUS CHRIST HOW STRONG IS THIS DUDE!!! I'm starting......to feel......tired. (Snores)

Church: Good job, Caboose!

Middle of Canyon
Tucker, Caboose and Church (With Donuts body) are on hill with a unconscious Leo next to them.

Tucker: Hello inferior red squad!

Donut/Church: We would like to talk to you about-

Caboose: Sneak attack!

Donut/Church: Shut up you idiot, we're not here to fight. We're here to negotiate.

Caboose: Ahay, sneak negotiation!

Sarge, Grif and Simmons come to the front of the red base.

Sarge: What the- Donut! What is this!? (sees Leo) And what have you dirty blues done with my best soldier!

Tucker: I think he's talking to you.

Donut/Church: We, uh I mean they, would like to negotiate a surrender, to us. No to them, no wait nono that's right, to them, to us.

Tucker: Oh, smooth dude.

Sarge: What's this business, the blues are givin' up? I smell a trap, or a rat... or a rat, in a trap. Don't accept it Simmons.

Simmons: You can't surrender blues, we haven't attacked you! Now go home and wait for us to attack, and then you can surrender.

Grif: Wait, if we accept, that means we would have two surrenders, and they would have none. That means we win!

Simmons: Win what?

Grif: I don't know, the war, er something. Right?

Simmons: You're an idiot.

Donut/Church: In exchange for not killing us, they, them- we, they would like to, release the robot guy, the red dude and me. (exchanges glances with Tucker a couple times) ...the pink guy.

Tucker: Are you becoming retarded?

Simmons: What should we do, sir?

Sarge: I'm torn, between my intense distrust of the blue team, and the need for the plans stored in my favorite robotic creation and the safety of best soldier. No offense, Simmons.

Simmons: Nooone taken, sir. You removed the negative emotional center of my brain, and implanted it in Grif.

Grif: (hopping around behind them) Noh I kin, I just can't take this, we're all gonna die! Wohouw.

Donut/Church: I don't think they're going for it.

A shot goes behind Tucker, startling him and Church... wouldn't it startle you?

Tucker: Oh, mother fucker!

Simmons: (holding the sniper rifle) Okay, now you're under attack. Go ahead and surrender, bitch!

Sarge: Nice thinkin' Simmons.

Grif: The humanity!

Donut/Church: Alright, they surrender!

Tucker: (arming his weapon) Fuck that, I'm pissed, let's fight.

Sarge: Now that you have been thoroughly humiliated by our superior military strategy, we demand the return of our robot, our best man and our pink private!

Donut/Church: Okay, but there's one catch!

Sarge: What in shinola?

Donut/Church: Sarge they want you to build two robots for their team. One for each prisoner, that they're releasing.

Simmons: Hey that wasn't part of the deal!

Grif: Why exactly are we negotiating with Donut, we just need Leo?

Tucker: Church why do we need two robots?

Donut/Church: You know... one for me, and... (under breath) one for Texas.

Tucker: Oh man, don't tell me you're doing this for Tex. You're still in love with her, aren't you.

Donut/Church: Hey get off my back, man. Most dead chicks aren't exactly linin' up to haunt this dirthole. Besides, if I don't get her a body, she's gonna steal mine anyway.

Tucker: Eh, good point.

Donut/Church: Bitch.

Sarge: Alright you blue scumsuckers! What robot models did you have in mind?

Donut/Church: I guess make 'em just like Lopez! Except, you know, just a shell, no intelligence!

Caboose: These new robots sound much nicer.

Tucker: That's because they sound like you.

Donut/Church: Oh and no Spanish! And a bigger switch!

Sarge: Okay, we got a deal! Meet us in the center of the canyon at 0600 and we'll make the exchange.

Tucker: Deal!

Donut/Church: Okay. I gotta hurry back before Lopez and Sheila suspect anything. Make sure this pink guy doesn't run away when I leave and watch out in case the other dude wakes up. I mean it. I'll meet you guys back at the base. (leaves Donut's body)

Donut: Huwhuuugaygaayeeeeeee! What the...? Where am I? Leo why are you on the ground?

Caboose: We were just talking to your friends and Leo is just taking a nap. But you're going to stay with us now for a while.

Donut: Are we gonna have a sleepover? Because that would be sweet.

Caboose: ...You're a nice lady.

Caboose grabs Leo's leg and starts dragging him back to blue base with Donut.

Blue Base
Church back at the blue base.

Ghost Church: Alright guys, I- Sheila? Lopez? What the, why do people keep leaving?

Middle of Canyon
Back to reds and blues.

Sarge: Oh blue team... Before you go, maybe we should talk about optional equipment on your new robots.

Tucker: What optional equipment!?

Sarge: All you said you wanted was a body, we didn't talk about featuuuures.

Tucker: Like what?

Sarge: You know, undercoating, extended warranty, features, man, come on. Like do you want them to be able to use both arms at once?

Tucker: Of course.

Sarge: Asynchronous arm movement isssssss optional!

Tucker: What? Oh man, I told Church they would try to screw us! What about the feet?

Sarge: Did you want feet?

Tucker: Yeah we want feet!

Sarge: Sorry, feet are optional.

Tucker: What's on the bottom of its legs?

Sarge: Legs are optional.

Tucker: Oh man, what a ripoff.

Sarge: Options are optional.

Tucker: What isn't optional?

Sarge: You look like a nice guy, don't worry, we'll work something out. Have you thought about financing? How's yer credit? I can offer you a free set of high quality mud flaps... and a lube job... You won't be disappointed! I've been told my lube jobs are fantastic!

The End
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