Blue Base
The Reds and Blues are not shooting at each other. Sarge is addressing Church.

Sarge: We are giving you a chance to surrender!

Leo: There's no way this can work.

Grif: Agreed.

Sarge: Put a cork in it, Fast Eddie. There's positively no way they know we're outta ammo.

To the Blues.

Church: Yeah, they're definitely outta ammo... (yells back) What're your terms?!

Tucker: Their what?

To the Reds.

Grif: Our what?

Simmons: I can't believe this is actually working. See if we can get Lopez back, Sarge.

Leo: Your shitting me right?! They can't be this stupid?!

Grif: I can't believe it to Leo!

Leo: Well hopefully once we get Lopez back he can help me fix the warthog.

Donut: Oo oo, Sarge - tell them we want the flag.

Grif: Yeah, and some cake!

Donut: Ooh... Wait wait Sarge, just the cake.

Leo: Would be nice to have a cake right now.

Sarge: Alright, Blues! First off! We want your flag-!

Simmons: Wait wait wait just a second. The last time we got the flag, the chick in the black armor showed up.

Sarge: ...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do want our mechanized droid guy back!

Church: Uh oh.

Sarge: You may know him as Señor El Roboto!

To Leo and Simmons.

Leo: (Sighs) Why did Donut have to kill her.

Simmons: What was she your girlfriend?

Leo: What?! Nooooo, she was more like my.....mum.

Simmons: Wait What! She was your mum!

Leo: Yeah.

Simmons: Now I know were you get your scary-ness from.

Leo: (Rolls eyes) Nice to know.

Simmons: ....Sorry about your loss Leo.

Leo: It's ok Simmons, lets just focus on Sarge plan now.

To the Blues.

Tucker: Well, Church, what's it gonna be?

Church: Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing.

Sarge: And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!

Church: Uh.. Uh, he's not here any more!

Tucker: Yeah, he left! He was all like "Sayonara!" and then he just took off!

Church: That's not Spanish you idiot, that's French. Let's try this: Hey, Reds! How about a medic?! Would you take a medic as a hostage?!

Doc: A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there.

To the Reds.

Simmons: Meh, that sounds pretty good to me.

Leo: Yeah, let's take the medic.

Grif: I don't know, I think we can hold out for more.

Leo: We don't have any bullets, remember?

Simmons: Dumbass.

Grif: Oh, right. Take the medic. The medic's a good deal.

To the Blues.

Church: Hey, Doc. How's the patient?

Doc: Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive.

Tucker: He's talking about Caboose, right?

Church: No, I mean his toe. How's the toe I shot?

Doc: What, that thing? That fell off like half an hour ago.

Caboose: (sad) Rest in peace, pinkie toe... (in O'Malley voice) You shall be avenged!

Doc: (sighs) Tell you what... Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help.

Church: Okay! We're gonna send over our medic! Now what do we get?!

Simmons: You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!

Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have?!

Leo: Well what do you want then!?

Church: How about if you admit that the Red Team sucks?!

The Reds mutter to themselves for a moment.

Sarge: What if we admit that one of us sucks?!

Grif: NICE. Wait, you mean Donut, right?

-Two hours later...

Church: Okay then! We agree to the terms?! You first, and then we send over the medic!

Sarge: Get on with it, Grif. (Whispers to Leo) Your recording it right son?

Leo: (Giggles) Yep!

Grif: (grunting sigh) I would just like to let everyone know.. that I suck!

Church: And?!

Grif: And that I'm a girl!

Church: What else!?

Grif: And I like ribbons in my hair! And I want to kiss all the boys!

Leo: And done! Want me to send the video to you Sarge?

Sarge: Yes Leo, This may be the best surrender of all time.

Grif: You recorded that!!!

Leo: Let's just call it payback.

Simmons: Okay, is that good enough?!

Church: Yeah! (turns to Doc) Alright, go ahead Doc.

Doc runs over to the Reds.

Grif: Man, I really hope you're worth this and Leo you better delete that video!

Leo: No promise.

Doc: Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?

Grif: Water? We ran outta water six months ago.

Doc: No water.. Then what do you drink?

Grif: Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual.

Sarge: I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or a Sarsaparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. ...Oh, occasionally I do enjoy a 'Sex on the Beach.' Or a piña colada. (singing) If you like piña coladas, hengh! Gettin' caught in the rain, hengh! And you're not in to yoga, engh! Grif just has half a brain, ungh.

Leo: You guys do know we have a mini fridge, with some sodas right?

Grif: ........Son of a bitch!

The End
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