Clonidine: This drug is used to treat alcohol and opiate withdrawals. It can be used to reduce sweating, muscle cramps, muscle aches, and anxiety. It can also stop tremors and seizures.

"I don't think I can go thirty days without talking to you," I admitted, my bottom lip being squeezed between my teeth.

"I know, Kook, but this is what you need. You said it yourself."

I nodded, knowing he was right. "I didn't even go to inpatient rehab when I was sobering up the first time."

"Well, I think you have some extra motivation this time around. You can't let Taehyung down again. You'll lose him for good."

"I can't believe I hurt him. He's afraid of me, Yoongi! I don't know how I'm ever going to get our relationship back to where it was before."

"It won't ever be the same, Kook, and you know that. If you two make it through this, it proves the strength in not only you two, but also the relationship itself."

"I guess you're right," I huffed, turning to face my best friend face-to-face. "Don't get into any trouble while I'm trying to get my shit together, okay? That includes not getting arrested for you and Hoseok having sex in public. I know you two are into that weird shit."

"You don't have to kink shame me like that, Kook!" Yoongi shook his head with a small chuckle. "Okay, give me a hug." He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me slightly.

I sniffled as I hugged him back. I hadn't been away from Yoongi for more than a few days since we met. I knew it would be a long thirty days, but it was needed. I never could've made it to my one year of sobriety if Taehyung hadn't shown up into my life. He was my saving grace. Without him, I knew I couldn't do it. Checking myself into this inpatient rehab is the only way to get him back.

But I'm not doing this just for Taehyung. It is also for myself. Now that I have reasons to want to live and to love my life, I feel that I am finally ready to sober up for good. This is my shot to get my life together.

"I'm going to do this," I said out loud, more for myself than for Yoongi.

"Okay, kiddo. I'll be here in thirty days to pick you up. I will take care of everything, alright? You focus on improving yourself."

I nodded, eyeing the double glass doors. "Here goes nothing," I sighed, waving farewell to Yoongi as I disappeared behind the glass.

"Hello! Welcome to Seoul Recovery and Rehabilitation Center. How can I help you?"

I inhaled a deep breath before letting it out as I met the receptionist's eyes. "I am here to check myself into rehab."

•

"And finally, here is your room. It has it's own private bathroom. You are provided one towel a day. When the room is cleaned every day, a new towel will be provided for you." The employee showed me the bathroom before guiding me through the rest of the small room. "Your provided clothes are in this dresser here. Jackets and hoodies are hanging in the closet for colder weather. Phones are available through the front desk for emergencies only. We want you to focus on improving yourself, not staying in touch with those around you."

"I understand." I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Your twice a week psychiatrist appointment is scheduled for Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9:30 in the morning for one hour. We also require you to choose another elective therapy. We offer art therapy, dance therapy, and music therapy. We also have a rotating program where you can participate in all three in a rotation. Which option would you like to take?"

"Um," I thought, eyes scanning the small, hotel-like room. "I'll take the rotation, I guess."

The lady nodded. "Perfect. I will bring you a print out of your completed schedule once it is finished. I will let you get settled in. Lunch is in an hour, in the cafeteria I showed you earlier."

"Thank you," I spoke softly, watching as she exited the room, her footsteps echoing down the hallway outside.

With a sigh, I plopped down on the bed, my eyes looking for any imperfection in the ceiling.

Of course, there were none.

The lack of imperfections only led my mind back to Taehyung, my love.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to imagine his face. His face before I screwed it all up. His face when he was smiling around me, laughing at my shitty attempt at a joke about laughing cows.

My memories shifted, dark clouds filling the spaces around me. Taehyung's smile dropped, and after a flicker, he was covered in gashes, a look of fear in his eyes as a shaky arm extended to my shoulder.

I opened my eyes, chest heaving and breaths coming out short. I sat up on the bed, wiping my face with my hands to get the image out of my head, stray tears being smeared over my face in the process.

"I promise, Tae. I will do better this time." I whispered, eyes once again meeting the perfect ceiling of the room I get to now call mine for the next thirty days. "Pinky promise, baby."

••••

So, uh, those of you who have been getting to experience BTS in LA... I hate all of you in the most loving way.