Shiv

 "I also want you to know that I am leaning towards a yes after all. I respect you and I trust you from what I have seen so far. I wanted to let you know in person."

That was my very honest opinion. Her eyes met mine for a brief couple of seconds and then she lowered her gaze and followed it to the cup. She brushed her hair aside and rested it below her ear. Did she just blush a little? Maybe not but I really think she did. She was indeed pretty in her own way. 

She looked up from the cup and said, "Shiv, main samajh nahi pa rahi hun ki aap se kya kahun?"

translation - Shiv, I don't understand what I should be telling you

Of course, there were too many things for her to still think through. 

"Aur ye baat main samjhta hun. Aapke liye ye kadam badhana bahot mushkil hai. Which is why I wanted to talk to you before you leave. I gave it a lot of thought in past couple of days and I think Dadi is right. Nobody can guarantee success in a marriage. We have to work towards it. We married people we thought we knew and look where we are. I think I can handle it, handle you and me of course with your support."

translation - And I understand that. It is difficult for you to walk this step.

I sighed while she continued to look at her cup of tea. "Anjali, I find no reason to walk away except that you don't want this. And by you, I mean You. You should want this or not want this. Please tell me if we are rushing and we will slow it down immediately and if we aren't then I think we should just explore the rollercoaster called life."

"I don't want pity or sympathy for my past." She spoke not looking at me. 

"Why would you think that? Koi sympathy jatane ke liye shaadi nahi karta, wo bhi aisa insaan jisne khud dhokha khaaya ho. Aapke jo bhi sawal hain, jo bhi insecurities hain, mujhse share karein iss waqt. Main saare sawalon ka jawab main dunga. I am not promising that I will always keep you happy. I can't make that promise unless you let me do so."

Translation -  Why would anyone marry for showing sympathy. That too that person who has been betrayed in life. Whatever questions you have, whatever insecurities you have, please share with me. I will answer all your questions.

"if you see from my perspective then you are a very strong individual perhaps stronger than me.

I finally took a sip of chai from my own cup. My mouth was running dry and honestly I didn't have anything else to say. 

Ahh, those grilled sandwiches do look tempting. I can taste one, right? It's not on my diet chart today. I didn't eat anything after lunch and  its ringing 7, maybe I should have ordered something healthy not a grilled sandwich sprinkled with cheese gratings a little too graciously. Yaar, kha hi leta hun, stress ke maare bhuk bahot lagti hai. 

Translation - I will just eat it, stress makes me very hungry.

"You don't like sandwiches?  We can order something else, Shiv." Anjali gave me a very concerned look. She must have seen me staring at the sandwiches. Anybody would notice if you stared at the sandwich hungrily, you idiot!

"It's not that Anjali. I ..umm..I am trying to follow a diet regime..You know to..umm..reduce some extra kilos." I smiled and this time she definitely blushed. She smiled and then lowered her gaze. 

"It's ok, you can taste some. Office se aaye hain aap, you must be hungry." She nodded and her gaze travelled to the sandwiches this time. 

"You are right. It's been a long day. Besides, they look really nice. Why don't you eat also?" We had ordered two portions. So, I pushed her plate towards her. 

"Do you know what you will do over the weekend in Bangalore after the conference?" I asked her

"Umm, nothing planned as such. Usually, there are like team building events in the mornings and evenings are free for employees to spend time with their spouse. I might just go and do some local shopping." Anjali smiled, of course women love shopping. 

We continued to chat until we were both done with our tea and sandwiches. We were patiently waiting for our bill.

"Anjali, I have just said I am leaning towards a yes but to make it a yes, I need your support. As always let me know. Hotel room me bore ho jao to call kar sakti ho. I will answer your questions and ask you some too. Ok?"

Translation - If you get bored in the hotel room, do call me.

She hummed in response and nodded. 

"Have you informed Dadi and your father about my marriage?" She asked me. 

"No. I said, I know and it doesn't matter to me. It shouldn't matter to them as well."

"Shiv, I think you should inform them. "

I nodded, "I will take it up with them." 

We settled the bill, well I settled the bill after insisting and then we got up to exit the restaurant. There was a full length mirror next to the door which I had not noticed while coming in. We both were height compatible meaning she was may be a couple of inches shorter than me but we looked good apart from my dad bod. Without it, would be perfect, I think!

My superficial thoughts of how we looked together were broken by Anjali "Shiv, I will take a taxi." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I am sometimes this late from work. I will message when I reach." She smiled at me.

"Kam muskurati ho. You should smile more." Huh, why did I say that. Well, it wasn't wrong. She should smile more. 

Translation - You smile less.

She smiled, nice ! It came out sarcastic I think. 

"Bye, Shiv."

"Bye, Anjali. Don't forget to drop me a message."

************

Anjali

I was packing my bags for the trip to Bangalore. I had still not informed Ma about Shiv's chat with me. I was still thinking about it. His words, his calming and soothing voice was reminding me of only one thing - nobody, absolutely nobody had spoken to me that way he did, in a good way of course. He wasn't promising anything and yet he had promised me one thing subtly - he would try with her to make it work , that he would be a friend to her and that he wouldn't disrespect her opinion ever. 

My phone started ringing, it was Pooja, had to be her. She was going to call me after sorting her chores as I was leaving early in the morning. I answered her call,

"Done packing?" 

"Yes, almost. Just packing emergency sanitary supplies. You know , my miss bestie likes to visit me specially when I travel. What should I get for you and my little darlings from there? I will have all of Saturday and half of Sunday to myself."

Pooja laughed while I was continued packing. "No no, don't bother. Arya and Arjun don't need anything. They have everything they need and they are turning into little brats now."

"Shut up! Don't call them brats.!"

"Madam, you were supposed to keep them for the weekend. You will understand when they will live with you."

"Oops, leave them with Ma and Papa. They love having company when I am away." I was standing in front of the mirror and gathering my comb and hair ties in a small pouch when I recollected Shiv's voice - Kam muskurati ho. You should smile more.

I must have zoned out because Pooja was yelling on the phone , "Anjali, kahan khoyi ho?"

Translation - Where are you lost ?

"Sorry, do I smile less, Pooja?" I asked her

"Uh huh, what?"

"Answer me, Pooja."

"You smile just enough, but when you are nervous and scared, it reflects on your face and that is perfectly normal. Why do you ask?" 

"Nah, just asked simply." Wrong wrong thing to ask Pooja. She will get it out of me

"Cut the crap. Did Shiv tell you to smile more?" There was a teasing tone in her voice

"How did you know?" 

"I thought you will tell me about your meeting with Shiv today since I knew you were meeting him. So, when you asked me the question, it wasn't hard to figure out. So now, give me the details Anjali." Pooja spoke in a very authoritative tone.

"He said something that reminded me of myself." I sat down on the bed and left all the packing as I couldn't concentrate. 

"What do you mean?"

"I had once said that we need to work towards making marriage work." I skipped out on bringing up Manish's name in the conversation even when I had brought him up in my head. 

"Well, that's true. Isn't it? This means he just said yes to you?" And she squealed out the last few words.

"Hold your horses. He did say he was leaning to a yes. There is too much to think through though." I said trying to be calm even though my own heart was racing like it was dodging a police car. 

"Anjali, what are you thinking?"

"He said some things in the way that nobody has ever said to me. He said he can't promise anything as he need me to support him for promising as well. Itni saralta se bhi koi baat kar sakta hai, main to yahi soch me gum hun."

Translation - How can someone talk with so much simplicity, I am still wondering

"Hmmm. Shiv has come across as a very practical yet a good and down to earth person. Oh, Anjali, can I already start singing - mehendi laga ke rakhna, doli saja ke rakhna" She sang out the last few words. 

"Poojaaaa, stop it." I tried to suppress a smile and fake anger at my best friend. She was dramatic some times . I saw my Ma standing at the entrance of my bedroom when I turned.

"Ma is here. Do let me know what you need from Bangalore. I will get local traditional dress for Arya and a car for Arjun."

I heard her say bye and disconnected the call to talk to Ma. 

"Anjali beta, were you just feeling shy? Is that a yes?"

"Ma , Pooja was making random jokes. You know her." Ma sat down right opposite to me and was now checking out my half packed suitcase. 

"Beta, I am also only joking with you. Did he smile a lot today as well?" She looked at me and placed her hand on my chin.

I nodded and thought to myself that he also asked me to smile more. My Ma smiled at me and nodded. 

"Papa wants to talk to you before you go to bed. Come to our room." I nodded and got up. She got up too and we both made our way to my parents bedroom. 

My father was rocking gently in the swinging chair in his room and sipping tea. We were indeed a chai loving family. Ma handed me a cup and took her cup from the bed table and we both sat on the bed. 

"The detective that we hired to trace Shiv's activities came back with a clean report today." My father started talking.

"There is absolutely nothing except that Shiv is seen going to one place a lot. Can you guess what that place is, Mohini ji?" This time my father looked at my mother with raised eyebrows.

"Ji, what is it? Don't trick us, I am telling you." My mother warned him which was a hilarious moment but I was curious to know where was Shiv frequenting these days.  Does he have a drinking problem?

My father burst out laughing and looked at us as though he was successful at pranking us. My mother and I exchanged glances to look at him. He composed himself and said, "Gym jaata hai bahot aajkal. Shaadi ke photos bhi ache aane chahiye na."

Translation - He goes to the gym. Wedding photos should come out nice , right. 

My mother and I both chuckled and joined in on the laughter. 

"Jokes aside, beta. We will visit them on Saturday. I have fixed it up with Shiv's father. He seemed like a nice man. We will see everything for ourself and hopefully everything is still good. You go safely beta and come back to us safely." My father spoke looking at me. 

"Ok Papa. Don't wake up to see me off both of you. I have an early morning flight and a pre booked company cab to drop me at the airport." 

I knew my mother would still be up and give me hot home made breakfast to go. I smiled at her knowingly while they both also smiled at me knowingly. 

*****************

I was done with my conference and it was a Friday evening. Me and my little office gang had gone out for dinner at a nearby restaurant. The resort that were staying in was pretty lavish in itself but we were already tired of having resort provided food at the conference and so we had decided to explore the another restaurant. I came back to my room from dinner looking to drop dead at the sight of the bed but I forced myself to change into my comfortable and soft night suit which reminded me of the warmth of my parents home. 

While I was physically at dinner, my mind was back with Shiv at our last meeting when Shiv had gently told me that he was ready and was going to to wait my decision. I wanted to talk to him, to tell him about my insecurities but it was too late in the night. I decided to talk to him at a more decent time and slept off with his soothing voice in my ears. I knew this time my hotel stay needn't be stressful. I had to usually carry white music box/in the recent days fully charged mobile but today I didn't need it. I fell asleep almost instantaneously.  

***************

The below scene was suggested by @MehweenGR  and I loved her suggestion. So, here it is. Hope I did justice.

I had texted Shiv after breakfast if he was available to chat and he had responded in an affirmative after about 30 minutes. I immediately called him after his message. My heart was once again racing as I tapped 'Call' against his name

"Hi Shiv! How are you?" I tried to sound normal.

"Hey Anjali, I am good. How are you? How is Banglore? All ok?"

"I am good too. The weather in Bangalore is pretty decent so I can say Bangalore is good too. I hope I didn't disturb you. Were you busy?"

"Nah no.I was in the gym and my phone in the locker room. I just fished out my phone and saw your message." I smiled to myself. Gym, again! He really is desperate to shed some weight. At the same time, a weird thought crept my mind. He was in the locker room, was he shirtless or with a shirt on. I blushed at my absolute weirdness and thought I should be the one holding my horses as opposed to telling people off. 

"Oh ok. How is everyone at home?" I asked him trying to change the topic hoping my mind would change its random thoughts. 

"Everyone is fine. Dadi is excited to see your parents this evening at home." He must have smiled, I could tell.

"Oh. Shiv, I hope Dadi is not stressing herself out with preparations. There is no need for any formality. Just tea as was promised by my father." Nervousness crept up as I held my phone tighter.

"No, Dadi isn't stressing out.She is ordering the maid and my younger brother. I will be taking up from Harshit when I reach home as he has to run to office for some work."

"Shiv, please just tea, No, formality."

"Relax, I am only pulling your leg. It won't be too much, just tea and store bought snacks mostly."  He said.

"Thank you. Shiv, umm." I wanted to ask him if he wanted a family in future. This was important to me but I wasn't sure if I could ask him that question yet. He was going to be a father but he had said it was an accident. And then, my only thought was it would have turned him bitter in that regard.

"Hmm, I am listening. Did you want to ask something, Anjali? "

"Shiv, I ..I don't know if this is right or no but do you umm want to ..Nah, nevermind." I couldn't ask him that. I needed a change of context instantly.

"Anjali, come on. We need to be honest with each other. No hesitations.Ask away." His tone was calm, soft almost.

"Do you want a family in future? Have you thought about it after umm the loss , I mean after your loss." I don't know how I had asked it. 

There was silence on the line. I had messed it up, I knew. 

"Anjali, that is a big question but I am glad you found courage to ask. I don't know. Like so many things in all of this, this is another unknown to me. I am sure this is not the answer you were expecting but I need to be honest with you. I feel like I never gave it a thought. Not even when I was married to her, you know. A child is a really big responsibility that I am not sure if I want to think about right now."

I felt so sorry for putting him on spot. 

"Shiv, I am so sorry for this. I shouldn't have asked. I really am.." I was cut off by him

"Anjali, please don't be sorry. I am sorry that I can't give you a better answer. It's not umm really easy for me on this one. I understand you want to be a mother but can I atleast know you first before answering this question? Listen, if this is your fundamental ask, then I don't know what should you do."

I nodded my head to no one as my eyes filled up.

"Anjali, you there?"

I wiped my cheeks and cleared my throat after covering the microphone and then responded, "Yes, yes I am here. Shiv, I am sorry once again I reminded you of your loss today. " 

"Hey, it's ok. Look, there too many unknowns right now because I feel we know each other very little. You said trust is built over time and that's true. I don't know if I trust myself right now to raise a perfect family. You had said that with love, two people can make a home and a happy family. "

"I think you are right. "

"Listen, do you mind if I talk to you later. I am in the locker room and the cleaning guy is here. I need to get myself out of here. I am so sorry for leaving such a delicate conversation though."

"You are fine, Shiv. Take care."

*******************

 I was roaming around the famous MG Road or the shopping street of Bangalore trying to find something local to shop. I wasn't focussed though. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me. There was a plausible explanation to everything he said. I had been a total maniac to ask him something so delicate over phone. He never made me uncomfortable and I just went in and reminded him of his unborn child and ex wife with whom he was in love with. 

He was scared and broken in a different yet similar way as mine. He was unable to trust himself just like I was unable to trust my ownself with love , with being somebody's wife. How was I sure about motherhood, I didn't know. Maybe, it was just maternal. I was scared of stepping into marriage but I wanted a child. I chuckled at myself for thinking this way at this moment. 

He had made subtle but strong promises. He had shown concern like no one else had. His voice did something that made sure I didn't panic. He used words that I had once used. He remembered my words as he was an excellent listener. 

I didn't want to complicate it anymore and in that moment I decided I will take the plunge. We will build relationship where we trust each other, where we commit to each other completely. 

I had to inform Ma. 

******************

Shiv

I drove back home from gym and got some snacks from the sweet shop across our community complex. It was almost evening now and I had not called Anjali yet. Anjali's question had thrown me off. I should have expected this since she had mentioned she had put down papers for adoption. A child, it was too soon to think about it. Ahh, Jai Jeeja, was this a right question to ask him though. 

I will talk to Shivani I am thinking. 

"She wants a child." I dialed my sisters number and started off without any greetings. 

"Who?" 

"Who else, Anjali ofcourse. I don't know how I think about it."

"Shiv, that means she is ready?" My sisters amused voice came across

"I don't know. She just asked me how I thought about having my own family." 

"Relax, do you want to talk to Jai?  I don't know what to tell you as I don't see know who else she would ask this apart from her husband." 

I sighed in deeply, " Listen, I don't know ok. I just don't know. It's difficult after Shikha and our little bub. We called it bub." 

There was silence on the phone. 

"Oh Shiv, mere bhai, I am so sorry. But take some time and relax. You did nothing wrong by being honest with her."

"I know, Shivi. I hate even thinking about it"

"We called Riya our little blip. She was a blip when we first saw her. Shiv, Jai is here."

Next, I heard Jai Jeeja's voice. He was asking me to be practical like I always had been. This was an insecurity for Anjali and I understood it when he put it that way but I still didn't know what to do. Jeeja said that with time, I would know and that it would all be fine between us. We spoke for a while before the door bell rang and I disconnected the call after informing Jai Jeeja. Anjali's parents were here. 

*****************

Harshit let them in. Dadi sat next to Anjali's mother on one couch while Papa was sitting next to Anjali's father on another couch. Harshit and me settled ourselves on dining chairs that were now drawn close to the sitting area. A single couch lay empty in the corner. 

"Anjali beti bhi mil leti aaj to acha rehta bhai sahab." My father spoke to uncle.

Translation - It would have been nice to meet Anjali today, brother. bhaisahab translates to brother but it's mostly like giving respect to the person by treating them like your own.  

"Ji, she had to go for this conference. We actually encourage her for trips like these otherwise she is just at home and doing house chores." Uncle said and I saw Aunty nod. I knew exactly why they were saying this.

"Ma ji, we actually are thankful that our daughter is a working woman. It gives her independence in our opinion and we .." Aunty was saying looking at my Dadi.

"We will not stop her from working. It's her life, her choice and I feel the same Mohini ji. Women of today should be independent." Dadi responded.

"Ji, has Shiv told you about Anjali's past?" Aunty asked. 

"It doesn't matter to Shiv so he has not told us. If it mattered, he would have. We would like to keep it this way until Anjali tells us."  I wanted to chime in and I met Dadi's gaze.

"Shiv beta, is there something you want to say?" Dadi asked me.

"I already informed this to Anjali but I am ready if she is ready." 

I saw uncle and aunty exchange looks while Dadi smiled at me. 

"Ma ji, Anjali has said yes to this alliance too. " Aunty smiled at Dadi. 

***********************

Ok, finally ! 

What do you guys think?  

Shiv's reaction?

I am missing out on translations now but I will edit and add translations first thing in the morning. 

Do vote and share if you like !

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