Edited

Published: Wednesday, August 1st 2018 8:47 pm
Republished: Friday, April 3rd 2020 4:37 am

Jummah Mubarak everyone!!!

Chapter Two

They were avoiding her questions. She could feel it. From the moment she had become fully conscious and well aware of her surroundings, it became apparent. Safa was all alone. No one seemed to want to tell her anything about what had happened to her. Here and there a willing nurse would reluctantly repeat that she had 'been in an accident months ago and had just woken up from a coma.' Why had they not wanted to tell her that, she wondered. After all, it was her life and body that had been in the accident. She had more of a right to know than anyone else.

What could have even caused it? They had to know more; they are her caregivers and most have been since the start. They had to. But never in a million years were any of them willing to say more than the few that had. It was as if they all were in on some type of secret that she was oblivious to. Countless times she had caught them whispering and cautiously looking in her direction. They were very nice and willing to do whatever they could to make her comfortable. But they were not subtle. If their plan was for her not to think much into their whispers and glances, they had failed.

One of the nurses from earlier had caught her eye and Safa beckoned her forward. It was her chance to try and pry information out of her again. Ava was her name. She was nice with an innocent smile and bright blue eyes. Her brown hair looked to be perfectly in a bun, yet she had to wonder if she could get blood circulation to her brain. Although perfect, her hairstyle looked painful.

"Are you okay?" She had asked after entering the room and standing on the side of her bed. Her eyes moved to Safa's vitals machine for a few seconds before returning her attention back to Safa.

"I'm not okay, actually." Safa had said, trying her best to keep her voice steady. Perhaps they felt that she wasn't ready to hear the whole story. If she had heard the quiver in her voice and had seen her pleading eyes, her chances of knowing could go out of the window.

"Oh." The smile that Ava usually wore came back to her face at the news that she wasn't in pain or hurt. "Well then what's wrong?"

"What happened to me?" Safa chose not to beat around the bush any longer. She wasn't going to be subtle about her questions like they were subtle about their answers. Safa had held her hand up when Ava began to speak. "I know you said I was in an accident." She sighed. "But that's all that any of you will tell me. What if you were me? Wouldn't you want to know?"

"I would want whoever I asked to give me an answer I needed." She had answered, only angering Safa. She wasn't willing to tell her any more just like the last time she asked. "Are you hungry? In pain? Should I get the doctor?"

"That's all you're going to say?" Safa bypassed her question with one of her own. She felt the tears well up in her eyes at the same time her heart machine began to beep louder, faster. "Why can't you just tell me?!"

"You need to calm down." Ava placed her hand on Safa's shoulders as a way to comfort her, but she only shrugged it off. Realizing that she failed, Ava began looking around for any signs of help. "I really need you to take a breath for me." She briefly turned her gaze back to Safa before looking away again desperately. She sighed in relief when she had spotted someone and waved them over. "I really don't want them to sedate you again, Safa." Ava said. "Please calm dow–"

"What's going on here?" Doctor Brenner went on the opposite side of the bed and kneeled down in front of Safa. His eyes were soft and pleading as he searched for a way to help her.

"She started asking questions about her case before having a panic attack." Ava quickly said, stepping away from Safa and staring at Doctor Brenner helplessly. "What should I do?"

"Step outside." He instructed. She didn't hesitate to do so and left them alone in the room. While at first Doctor Brenner had come in the room concerned, he suddenly changed his mood to a more calmer one. Safa recognized him as the man from earlier. The doctor who had tried to help her. She felt comfortable with him, but he was holding out on her too. He was the first one to avoid her questions.

"I...just want to...know." She said in between ragged breaths. Her eyes stayed on his as the machine continued to beep. A crowd had begun to gather outside of the hallway. Doctors, nurses–they were all curious.

He nodded, holding onto the railing besides her bed. "I know."

"Why won't they tell me?" A single tear had rolled down her face and her voice became strained. She was fighting back the tears and the emotions that had been building for a while. "Why won't you tell me?"

"Do you trust me?"

"I don't want to because you won't tell me the truth." She cried in a low tone. "But I trust you."

"And you trust that I will do what's best for you every single last time?" He meant it, for her and her family. But mainly for him. "Because I will, even if you don't trust me."

The sound on the machine began to beep slower, and her breaths began to go back to normal. She trusted him as much as she could allow herself to. He was her doctor. With her he seemed compassionate, and he cared for her more than she thought he would. She couldn't help thinking that maybe she knew him before the accident.

"I trust that you will do what's right for me." She finally said, allowing more tears to flow down her face. He smiled at her. It wasn't flirtatious or even because he felt that he had beat her at the game to get her to calm down, and it wasn't forced. It was natural like he had smiled at her like that a hundred times before. Her eyes began to slowly open and close, and he knew that she was fighting off sleep.

He stood up and pulled the covers closer to her. "Get some rest." He had said. "I promise, you'll feel better."

Doctor Brenner had waited until her eyes were fully closed before sighing and turning to leave the room. Amir was there, in the center of the group that had stood to watch in the hallway. While the crowd had dispersed, he had stayed there with his eyes on her, and only her.

Doctor Brenner came to stand besides him and turned his eyes to the ground. "It's the right thing to do." He had said, studying the pattern on the floor. "It's the right thing for her."

"Yeah." Amir said breathlessly. "But I wish it wasn't."

"Believe it or not, so do I." Doctor Brenner bumped his shoulder with Amir's, causing him to glare playfully. "Sure it was my idea, but that doesn't mean I feel good about making it."

"I never said you did." Amir retorted.

"And you know that you're not wrong for going along with it and keeping her in the dark about everything?" Doctor Brenner asked.

Realizing where the conversation was going, Amir stopped staring and turned to glare at the Doctor. "Don't shrink me." He said the words he always found himself saying whenever they had a conversation. "I made my peace with our decision. It's just until she gets better and then i'll tell her the truth."

"And if she doesn't?" Doctor Brenner asked. Amir flinched at those words and at the possibility of them becoming true. He had thought about the possibility so many times that he found himself losing his mind. That road was dark and hard to come back from.

"I have to go." He said abruptly, turning to leave down the hall. The other doctor caught his arm before he was completely able to get out of reach and held him back. In annoyance, Amir turned to him. "What now?"

"Don't do anything stupid." Dr. Brenner said sternly, as if talking to a child. "I mean it, Amir."

Amir pulled his arm out of the grip and straightened his shoulders. "I won't." As he turned to leave, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and began to dial the long awaited number.

*
The little White House at the end of the corner was always a happy one. With a white picket fence and freshly planted flowers, you would never know that anything other than happiness resided there. For a while the house was full of happiness. It was only after they became child free did the couple decide to downsize. It hurt more than ever to leave the home their children grew up in and the first home they had called their own together. But the small White House had caught their attention and became a special place in their hearts.

They had barely been there a few years yet they felt like they had lived there forever. But lately the house hadn't felt the same. It was sad, lonely, and missing happiness. Some say that your mood reflects your home, and their mood surely did. Throughout her days, Amina spent her time trying recipe after recipe and cleaning until she could see her own reflection. In the afternoon she would go outside and read a book or plant in her garden. But none of it would work. Her mind would still be on her daughter in the hospital. She yearned to see her eyes open and be able to hold her once more. It had been too long since she was able to.

Her husband on the other hand had taken their daughters absence far better than she ever had. They had a special bond, her husband and daughter. From the moment she had come into the world and they laid eyes on each other, their bond was cemented for life. The joy she experienced from being a witness to their exchange was nothing short of pure happiness. Yet now that happiness was gone and replaced with nothing but misery. Everything felt dark and gloomy since she had closed her eyes and had yet to open them. No more was the happiness that spread far and wide through their small house at the end of the road apparent in their lives. It felt dark and gloomy, especially today.

The rain had come and would not leave them alone. The clouds turned dark and the sky roared with thunder as it poured rain all around them. The curtains were kept closed, giving them little to no light except for the piece of light shining from the corner lamp.

She was there alone while she waited for her husband to return. The television was on in front of her but the volume wasn't low and barely audible. Although her eyes were on the screen, she had not been paying attention to anything on the screen. She could tell that the movie was an older one. Black and white was the color and horses were the source of transportation for the people on the screen. A man was talking to another man and a woman stood to the side listening to them and occasionally saying a word or two yet they paid her no mind. She might as well have been invisible to them.

When she tried to walk away one of the men grabbed her arm and forbid her from doing so. Again, she tried to say something yet they both silenced her. She couldn't shake his grasp or even speak for herself. She was trapped, more than likely afraid, yet forced to stay. That's how Amina felt. Her heart broke for the woman she witnessed not being able to do as she pleased and having every decision made for her. But most of all she understood how helpless the woman felt. She too felt the same way, lost with no way out. But her prison she had yet to escape from was her mind, and her demons were her bad thoughts. She needed to escape.

The door to their home began to open and her husband stepped through. He smiled as he closed the door behind him and she turned off the TV to greet him.

"Assalamu alaikum." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder and kissing the top of her head. He had gotten better since the night before as he always would. He wasn't a man to hide his emotions, yet he knew when to suppress them. "What's for dinner? I'm starving."

"Lasagna." Amina cleared her throat and watched as her husband walked passed her and into the kitchen. "How was work?"

"The same." Was his clipped reply as he lifted the cover off of the food and gave it a sniff. "How was your day?"

"The same." She replied as she began to recall the last few hours. "Sitting and worrying. A lot of worrying."

Suddenly the house went silent a part from the footsteps that began to march towards her. Her back was to him as she waited for him to make his approach. This time he placed both hands on her shoulders. She recognized the touch and silence they knew all too well.

"I wish it was different." He admitted.

"Me too." She turned around to face him. "But it's not."

"We should have gone last night." His touch left hers and he made his way to the kitchen to wash his hands. "What kind of parents do what we did? We left her alone for the ninth day in a row." He sighed deeply. Amina stayed seated at the couch, hearing him out. "I feel disgusted with myself."

"We're human." Was her response. Her eyes stayed on his back as he had yet to turn around. "Human beings can only take so much hurt, Yasin. Safa would understand. She would understand why we needed another day to ourselves."

He turned his eyes to her, shaking his head. "Nine days." He huffed. "We have to go tomorrow."

"And we will." She finally stood and began to fold up the blanket that was draped around her. She had forgotten it was there. "Amir would call if there was any news."

"I'm sure." He whispered more to himself. He went over to wash his hands before using one of the hand towels to dry his hands off.

"He has been a big help to us all." Amina made her way into the kitchen and stood in front of her husband. "You should find it in your heart to forgive him."

"Why should I?!" His voice rose higher than expected and his teeth grit together in anger. Amina didn't flinch or look away. She stood her ground. "This is on him and he knows that."

"Yasin, I-" She began.

"No." He shook his head furiously and began to walk away from her. "I won't."

After he was down the hall and out of sight, the home phone began to ring she and walked towards it. Amir name lit up the small screen. With a sigh, she picked it up. "Hello, Amir." She smiled despite herself, thinking of her daughter.

*
"You have ten minutes!" Ana called to the back to Adam. She shook her head at the loud mumble of a response he had given her before turning back to James. He was comfortably sitting on the couch as he would do whenever he would come over. His fingers typed furiously over his phone keyboard, causing Ana to roll her eyes. "Outside." Was all she said, hoping he would understand.

James turned away from his phone to narrow his eyes at her. "No."

"Why not?" Ana asked in frustration.

James turned his back towards his phone and continued typing. "Because I know you and I know what you're going to say. The answer is still going to be a 'no.'"

Breathing in and out, Ana repressed whatever she was about to say and lowered herself down until she was sitting besides him on the couch, the farthest she could away from him. James noticed, smiling slightly at the action.

"We have a son." He deadpanned. "I think we're past the whole staying away from each other game."

"Why are you being difficult?" She huffed at him, completely ignoring his comment. It made her stomach churn and she had to bite her tongue in order not to fire any other insult at him. Adam was just in the back room. The last thing she wanted him to see was them fighting. "He's so excited about this camp. You're acting like we're moving to Russia."

"As if." He scoffed, causing her to narrow her eyes even more. "Look," putting his phone away, he turned to her. "You get to see him way more than I do. I even let him live here because you are his mother, Ana. We don't even share custody, and instead we made this arrangement against me and my families judgment. If that doesn't show how reasonable I am, well then what does?"

"You don't have to remind me of past arrangements to get your point across." She said in disgust. "This isn't for me, James. It's for Adam. He's young, so let him have this time with his friends."

"No."

Ana groaned, placing both of her hands over her face in frustration. It was pointless. Once he had gotten an idea in his head, it was hard to change it, especially when it came with making decisions for Adam.

"Hey, buddy." James suddenly stood up with a wide smile as Adam walked out of the hallway, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He returned the smile to his father, but his eyes kept finding his mothers who was looking at him with a tight lipped smile herself. "You ready?"

"Yeah." He nodded, walking over to Ana and hugging her, then placing a kiss on her cheek.

"I love you, baby." She whispered into his ear during the embrace, and he held on tighter.

"I love you too."

"We better go before we miss the game." Ben interrupted, tapping on his watch to prove that time was wasting. "You'll be back Monday. We can even–"

"Can I talk to mom for a second?" Adam cut him off, raising his eyebrow and looking between both of his parents before looking back at James. "Just for a minute."

"Yeah." James nodded, walking to the door and stepping out, but not before looking back at them and using his thumb to point behind him. "I'll be right outside."

"He said no?" Adam accused once Ben had shut the door. His face fell in disappointment when Ana silently nodded in confirmation.

"Hey." She sat up and held both of his hands in hers, trying her best to put on a face that would cheer him up. He wouldn't look up at her, but rather to the ground so she wouldn't see the sad look in his eyes. "You can still go for half of the time."

"What's the point if I can't go the whole time?" He asked lowly. "It wouldn't be fun if I had to worry about leaving earlier than anyone else."

"Look at me." Ana used her hand to lift his face up, cupping his cheeck as she looked into his eyes. "You are my son and I will fight for you, do you understand me?" He nodded. "Now don't think I won't keep trying to sort something out for you. I know you're excited for this game too, so put on your best smile and enjoy yourself, honey. Let me deal with worrying about camp."

He sighed. "Okay."

"Okay." She repeated his gesture from earlier and kissed his forehead. "I. Love.You."

Without a word, Adam had walked over and opened the front door to leave, but not before turning around and smiling at his mother. "I love you, too."

***

It had been a long day, and right now Amir wished it would end already. Although the day was one of the slower ones, lack of sleep proved to make the day harder than it should have been. Honestly, he was surprised he was even able to focus throughout the day. Especially with her in the same building. It wasn't the first time he had worked with her in the same place, but it had been a long time since she was awake and alert.

It didn't matter that she didn't remember anything. Amir remembered enough for the both of them. His memory was one of the reasons why he kept his distance. It was times like these that he was thankful to have such amazing friends and co-workers who made sure to pick up the slack he left behind. They had taken care of her so well that he even considered them family. She meant the world to him and they knew it. But if there was one person who he would always feel indebted to, it was Daniel; Doctor Brenner. He was there through it all. The good, the bad, the heartache, and the breathless moments. Of course he would occasionally get on Amir's nerves, but only in a brotherly way. He cared a lot, and Amir couldn't thank him enough for that.

The clock had read a quarter past two in the morning by the time his shift was over. He would sit on the bench by his locker every time his shift would end. Amir's mind would travel to the events that happened in the day. The patients, the cases, everything. It all hit him then and there, so he had to take it all in as slowly as he could.

Hajra: dinner on the stove. Drive safe :)

As he did every time she text him, his mouth stretched into a fond smile. The text was nothing more than their simple routine, and maybe it was because of the smiley face that she added, but it warmed his heart that she was thinking about him. Test week was to blame, or at least to praise for having a meal this time of night. The only food on his mind was at McDonald's as he drove through the drive thru at night. That was yet another habit he would have after every shift. One day, he would figure out a way to recreate their shakes at home, but today wasn't that day. Right now he just wanted to sleep.

Amir: I'll be as careful as I can be. Thanks for dinner. Now get some rest.

In no time, he had quickly grabbed everything he needed to take home, while leaving other things behind. A yawn escaped his mouth as he stood to leave. Walking towards the elevator, he said his goodbyes to whoever was in the hallway. Maybe it was because he was quiet, or maybe it was because his brain was telling him to do something that he was avoiding. But he found himself pressing that button to the floor he was trying hard to avoid. Going into work, he told himself he wouldn't get distracted by her. The best way to not worry about her was to not think about her or go near her. She had him in such a hold for so long that he realized he might need to get used to that ending. That single thought scared him.

"Amir?" Rose, the head night nurse smiled in confusion at him as he walked down the hallway and stopped at her desk. She paused typing something on the computer before turning her full attention to him. "It's late. Shouldn't you be home?"

"I should..." His eyes shifted over to her door that had been cracked open and frowned. A light was on, meaning she must be awake. He turned back to Rose's curious stare with one of his own. "How is she?"

"Wary." Rose shook her head with a sigh. "Quiet mostly. Poor child."

"She's awake?" He said a little lower, trying to make sure she didn't hear him.

Rose looked to her door and shrugged, folding her arms across her chest. She nodded to Amir's question, causing him to sigh. "Amir..." she trailed off. "I don't know how long she'll wait for someone to tell her what she wants to know. She hasn't even left her room yet."

His face dropped into a frown and he turned to stare back to the door in thought. She wasn't going to get better if she just sat there all day, and he knew it. If anyone wanted her to make a recovery, it was him. But how was he going to approach the situation without her possibly gaining back the part of her memory he wished she would forget forever? He wanted to go inside and talk to her. Even if he was just saying goodnight, he wanted her to know he was there. The only thing she must know about him is that he's that creep that was in her room late at night when she woke up.

As if reading his mind and realizing that he wanted to see her, the door had cracked open and she slowly peeked her head out. The look she gave Amir hurt. She had no emotion towards him, or anyone or anything. Her hair was messy, her eyes deep with bags, and if possible, it seemed that she lost more weight which meant she wasn't eating much. Amir's teeth grit together tight to prevent his mouth from gaping in shock. This wasn't the woman he knew before everything happened. This woman looked worn, exhausted, and barely hanging on. As well as saddened, Amir felt anger.

"Everything okay?" Rose asked in concern, walking around her desk and walking towards her. Amir stood where he was, his eyes still on her.

"The TV is acting up and the remote isn't working." Her voice came out hoarse and tired. She wrapped her arms around her self almost self consciously. "I want it off. I want the noise off."

"Okay." As Rose began to direct Safa back into her room, she turned to Amir and gestured for him to follow her. "I need your help."

"Rose, I..." He shook his head slowly, the words getting caught in his throat.

"I just want you to turn the the TV off while I get her a new remote." She said to him almost pleadingly. "A few seconds of your time. I'm sure it won't hurt." She said, smiling in understanding at his hesitancy. Safa then turned to him with an almost pleading look of her own, and he then made up his mind. As quick as he could, he placed his bag on the nurses desk and followed them into the room. He grabbed the chair that he had grown fond of over the last few months to stand on. He quickly pressed the button to turn the tv off and climbed down, almost gasping as he realized Rose had already left, leaving him and Safa alone in the room.

"Thank you." She said to him as she pulled the covers around herself and pulled her legs up into a fetal position on the bed.

"Anytime." He couldn't help but smile. She didn't know him, and she looked uncomfortable herself to be there with him. Her eyes continued to gaze towards the open door and avoid eye contact with him. "You probably don't remember." Amir cleared his throat as he began to talk. "I was there when you woke up."

"I remember." She said breathlessly, barely looking at him. "I remember everything about that day."

"Oh." Amir nodded slowly at her confession and picked up the chair to move it back where it once had been.

"Saf's it's me." She had repeated his words from that night back to him, and he froze, his back to her at the realization. "I know you know me, I just don't know how. And I know you're not going to tell me either."

As he turned back around to her, his lips pursed, all of the words he knew seemed to disappear. He didn't want to be like everyone else who fed her the same story about protecting her. He didn't want her to hate him for not telling her everything down to the last detail. There was no way he would tell her after what happened the last time she had asked him that same question seven months ago. At least not yet. For all he knew she could already hate him for keeping quiet.

"You seem different than the others." She said, her eyes narrowed on him as she studied him. "You seem more scared to be around me."

"I don't want to say the wrong thing." He blurted out, desiring the urge to scrunch his eyes in frustration that he had let that slip. It had to be from the exhaustion that he was saying and doing things he said he wouldn't do. But with her right there in front of him, staring her dark eyes into his, it was hard not to say whatever came to mind.

"Your version of the wrong thing may be my version of the right thing." She chuckled humorlessly and he smiled sadly. It was like she had given up on asking for the truth. The realization must have hit that no one would actually tell her, which left her almost numb. "But you are the first person to be honest with me."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow in fake surprise, deciding to play along.

"Yes." She nodded. "Your honesty in appreciated..." She trailed off sheepishly as she realized she didn't know his name. "Doctor?" She shrugged.

"I'm sorry I took so long." Rose walked back into the room with the remote, and Amir did little to hide the annoyance on his face. Safa, however, took the remote thankfully and pulled the covers even closer to her. As if asking a silent question, Rose turned to Amir with furrowed eyebrows and her hands on her hips. "It's getting late." She said pointedly to him. "Don't want you having an accident from sleep deprivation on your way home now do we?"

"No, we don't." Amir folded his arms across his chest almost challengingly and Rose smirked. She held her hands up in surrender and walked out of the room and back to the main desk. "She is right. It is late." Amir had said and Safa nodded in agreement.

"You're driving home this late?" Safa asked, clarifying what Rose had asked earlier and Amir nodded. "Then I do wish you a safe journey, Doctor."

"Actually, it's..." Amir hesitated as he thought about telling her his name. The reality that it could ruin her recovery hit. For months he knew it would be hard to withhold information, especially his own name from her. But he and everyone else underestimated just how hard it was to do that right in front of her face, her doe eyes waiting for him to continue. But he had to do what they agreed upon. He had to be quiet in order for her to recover. "Goodnight." He opted to say, a tight smile on his lips.

If she did notice him hesitate, Safa chose not to show it. Instead, she waved lightly to him. "Goodnight, Doctor."

***
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