August 6th, 2014

          "I have been thinking a lot about when I first met Ophelia. If someone had told me that I would meet the woman I wanted to be with, the woman who would keep my mind steady, in a HYDRA base, I would have laughed at them. When I first saw her, I was in too much pain to process what I was even looking at. She found me in the mountain pass half dead, and I can't help but wonder what was running through her mind when she found me there. I didn't know that when I saw her next that she'd been the one who found me, I simply saw a woman looking down at my broken self with wide, curious eyes.

           That's something about Ophelia that has never disappeared; her curiosity. It's probably gotten her in a lot of trouble in the past, but now she is free to be as curious as she wants. It's nice to see her learning, growing, adapting. Just the other day she suggested she start looking for work; I don't want that, not until I know we are safe. I'm the one with the recognizable face and particular metal arm, I know that, but I can't help but worry about her.

              I haven't told her how much I adored her when I got to know her all those years ago. She kept me from panicking; even though a lot of her words were obviously scripted lies, I trusted her. I knew right away she was a prisoner, though at the time I didn't know for how long. I think it was the fact she was so curious about me that made me trust her, and my desire to protect her grew rapidly. When I discovered where I was, who I was, I know my actions got her hurt. I knew that they would lead to me getting hurt, but from what I remember, I only pleaded for them to have mercy on her.

           How much of this she knows, I haven't had the courage to ask her yet. There is so much we know about each other, and I know she knows so much more about me than I do. And yet there is a large chunk of my life I don't want her to know; the things I did, I don't want her to have to see that. I've asked her not to get inside my head, because it's a dark place right now. I suspect it always will be, there is no changing what I have done. But when I look back at the more coherent times of my life when I was around her, she always held a light to guide me in the dark. She never saw my acts of violence as me, but rather as the Winter Soldier. Not too many people would differentiate between the two, even I have a hard time, but not O.

          O sees me."