December 16th, 2014

           "It's one thing to know that I can keep her safe, for the time being.

           But it's another thing entirely to know that I can make her happy. She doesn't need things, things I can't get her, she doesn't even understand the concept of 'things'. No flowers, no jewelry; she doesn't see the point in any of that because she understands that there are things in life that you do not take advantage of. She never had much, which always makes me want to give her everything, but I can imagine if I bought her a necklace, she'd demand I return it and come home with something practical like groceries. That's about all we spend our money on, aside from rent; books are free at the library, we don't have a car, we have no other expenses. It's an easier way of life, and it helps me sleep at night being with someone so practical.

         While I don't buy her material things, not even flowers anymore after that experience, I do like to take her out. Now that I'm more comfortable being in the open, O's even convinced me not to wear a ball cap during the winter, I've taken her out for dinner a few times. She loves it; the different kinds of food from all over the world are so easily accessible, and so it is another way for her to learn about the world while still staying within a ten kilometer block from home. Last time we went out, she brought a book from the library; travel guide to Japan so that she could properly order sushi. She was skeptical about the place, but wanted to be open minded, though she stuck with the vegetable-based foods.

      She tells me every day with her eyes that she is happy, but it's when she speaks the words 'you make me happy' that get me... nervous. Somehow, she can make me feel like I've never been involved with anyone before. Even after she'd spent her entire life locked away, she makes me nervous instead of the other way around. Although, I've caught her blushing on numerous occasions around me; it's... empowering."