"Mmmnnhh...."

Nothingness gushed over him like a sluggish wave.

Time had either come to a standstill, or it was still in its merry go round, and he was the one who had lost all track of it.

It seemed like it has been forever.
Darkness has held its regime here for time immemorial...

Parched.

' So thirsty... Water...'

A splitting pain coursed throughout his sore, wrecked body, starting at his head and surfing to the tips of his limbs, stinging his nerve endings.

'Am I still drowning?'

Desolate.

Cold bed of dust and cobbled stones.

'Morbid abyss....'

Maybe... There was hope before...

' I'm so cold...'

If Darkness was the monarch here, then Pain was its most trustworthy advisor. The advisor of cruel, mind-numbing execution, just the way the king liked it to be.

'Mom... I'm scared... It's so dark... I can't see anything... Please light the lamps...'

The taste of vomit was never far from his parched mouth.

' Yuck... Stinky... Grandpa... The incense... The whole room smells like someone's thrown up, and.... something... something else I don't know...'

The pain was like a knife being twisted in his spine. It shot up fast, erasing every thought from his head and paralyzing his body. 

' Am I on the floor? Ouch... Ouch... My bum... I guess... Ooohhh hurts... I fell off the bed....'

The whole place was enveloped by silence. There was no one to answer him, even if he screamed.

' Did I puke? My mouth tastes so bitter... Am I the sick one then?'

He couldn’t stand the bone-dry feeling in his mouth, how it ached when he tried to swallow.

His hunger gnawed at him.

'Mom... I'm hungry... So hungry... Little bunnies... playing ball in my tummy... Haven't eaten for... aeons... Grandma...'

It was like someone was moving his hand inside his intestines, squeezing them as hard as he could at irregular, unexpected intervals.

' Why is it so black?... Can't see... Can't see the light....'

' Can't hear anything... Where are you... Dad... Is Dad doing paperwork?... Maybe... He will play... Nuòyán... I will play.. too.... new music score...'

"Mmmmnnn...."

'Mom....'

His arms ached. His slender wrists stung. Someone could chop them off, and he wouldn't feel a thing, for they were impossibly numb.

'Why are my wrists tied?'

"Mmmhh..."

' Can't see you... Ouch... Wrists... Can't hear... you... hurts.... so dark...'

Tears pricked at his still closed eyes. He occasionally winced and groaned.

' Pitch black... Grandpa... Talk to me... Please... Please....'

"Mmmnnhh...."

His head and shoulders ached. His whole body was singing in agony.
In excruciating agony.

' Please take me out of here... Tar... Don't want to be here anymore...'

"Mmmph... Mmmm...."

He was in so much pain that he looked ashen. His natural milky skin had sunken in tone to something so lifeless, that it would scare you just to look at him.

' Take me away....'

Slowly wrenching himself out of his jumbled thoughts, Renshu slowly inched his eyes, heavy and swollen from tears, open.

The first thing that fell in the line of his blurred vision was the sky- a splash of vibrant hues; blue, pink, purple. The moon was beaming in the dark sky.

"Grrrrhhh... Grrrrhhhh... Grrrrrhhhh...."

He snapped his head towards the direction from where the sound was coming, and instantly regretted it, as his head spun and felt like it was going to splinter to pieces.

" Night," he whimpered. 'Pain... hurts... my head....'

When his eyes finally focussed on the cause of the sounds, his blood ran cold.

Three men were lying sprawled on the ground next to him, in the darkness, snoring away to glory.

Though the excessive alcohol in his system was muddling his brain, not allowing him to think clearly, one emotion hit him. Hard.

Fear.

Dread.

His breathing became laboured, and he tried to sit up. His spent body wouldn't cooperate at first; his bewildered mind racing miles ahead, haphazardly.

Renshu wriggled his hands out of the binds, wincing when the fabric scraped his skin, drawing more of his crimson blood. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to care much about it. He spat out the gag in his mouth and grimaced.

Uneasy nausea settled itself in the pit of his stomach. His throbbing head swung in all the cartesian planes at once, making him unable to see and comprehend things.

"Aaaahh!! Ughh!!! Ughhh!!"

Groans and whimpers escaped those swollen, bruised and formerly bleeding lips, as Renshu struggled to push himself up to stand. He had to bite his poor lips to keep himself from crying out, while sharp pain lanced through his head, and colourful spots flashed in front of his eyes.

It felt like his whole body had been beaten up so that every movement would cause some muscle or bone to ache.

Regardless of everything, he felt like he had to get out. Get away from those men on the ground. Yet, the feeling that he didn't know the reason, frustrated him.

Renshu couldn't help but compare the night with his state of mind. Just like those clouds, his insides were in chaos. A mess. 

He didn't know what to think as he slowly put on his once spotless white but now dust-covered pants and undershirt, in an attempt to cover his sticky and abused body.

Something was bothering him. Something was hurting him. Something ached inside him. Something felt so wrong, so invalid but he couldn't tell what.

He found no more use for his outer white robes, for they were now all in dirty shreds.

The poor boy tried to pinpoint the cause for this unexplained pain but failed. He tried to find the reason of this unbearable burning but couldn't find any. Everything felt so confused, just like a jumbled set of a puzzle.

A puzzle that he didn't know how to solve.

He gritted his teeth as he took his first step forward, his shaky legs almost buckling under him. He dug his nails into the wall and grabbed at the cracks in the tile, totally leaning against it for support, for now, he was too weak and battered to even hold himself up.

One excruciating step.

His spine smarted each time he raised his foot, making his head spin and queasiness swirl in his gut.

Next agonizing step.

' Why are my pants wet?'

His eyes widened.

'Oh no! Did I.... wet... Oh no...'

His cheeks were ablaze with shame. He tried to hide his face with his hands, which were now grubby from clinging to the wall, but couldn't, for as soon as he removed his hands from it, his knees threatened to give way.

'But it's just damp, and only around my butt...'

In the meanwhile, he felt the warm wetness slowly spread and trickle down the back of his thighs to make its way further down.

The fluid seeped into the fabric of his trousers.

The metallic scent of his blood suffocated him.

' Why am I... Oh, God....'

His mind cleared, and the memories of his miserable plight hit him like a freight train.
He could hardly see any more, as the painful, horrifying realisation dawned on him.

There was hope before... Just a tiny flicker against the wind.

Renshu collapsed to the ground with consternation.

When those bastards had brought him there, they did have a choice; they could choose to be kind, or they could also choose to be cruel.

It took no time at all for them to decide what they wanted.

His beautiful face contorted into a pained sob.

They had seen that dying ember, when they ripped his clothes off, and yet, they brought the winds to a biting howl.

'How is it that you see my suffering and choose to make it all the worse?'

He raked his fingers through his hair and then clamped both his hands on his mouth, to smother the scream that was threatening to escape his sore throat. A scream which would have possessed a raw quality if let out, the realness of a person consumed by a pain that knew no bounds.

All people have a right to their pain. And the funniest thing about it is that you don't need to ask for it, it simply arrives like the gift you never wanted. Ironic, right?

He just sat there, too weary to even shift on his aching backside, panting due to the ragged sobs that shook him.

'How is your thinking so alien from my own?'

He gazed down at himself, with eyes that were barely alive; he could feel no life within himself. With the eyes that could cry no more, he looked towards the head of the alley, where the lights of the evening market shone brightly and people hustled about, and he knew that his light had gone out.

He dragged his used self up again, clutching at the wall, trying to avoid the shards. He almost collapsed. His body refused to cooperate and his brain refused to comprehend.
Such was the searing pain devouring him, due to the ruthless havoc that their insane sexual craze had brought upon him just a few hours ago, and also due to the excessive alcohol forced into his system.

He was now filthy to his skin. Dirty,  soiled. Heart tainted with despair, body tainted with sticky ejaculations.
The despair was concrete in his veins.

Though all the ways forward and away seemed to have vanished to black, not blocked, rather like they were never there at all, Renshu crawled out of the alley, his figure bent almost double in agony.

He was blinded by the bright lights, but he didn't care to shield his eyes.

It was the evening market. Lanterns lit up the entire market square. Shopkeepers shouted out their wares with energetic voices and women bargained over the prices, equally determined to get the best offer. There were a lot of carriages rolling up and down the street, obviously bearing the rich strata of society. Children squealed with joy, stray dogs foraged for food amongst the garbage thrown out from the inns that were overflowing with customers; it was all very usual.

An utterly normal scenario of every day.

Yet, nothing registered in Renshu's brain. It was a slate which had been scrubbed clean. His eyes shone with unshed tears, empty and devoid of all emotion.

All of it, everything, seemed meaningless. The ground beneath his feet had crumbled away and spun him off into a dystopian nightmare that he couldn't wake up from, no matter how much he tried.

People around him just passed by, busy with their own lives, busy with their own errands, bustling in their excitement for the upcoming festival, not even sparing the helpless boy a sideways glance.

'How can I breathe, if I feel like this?'

How would he say about his cursed situation? Where would he even begin? What would he say?

The notion of hope had become meaningless, if his mind should linger on such ideas they started to feel like cruel tricks, as cruel as any desert mirage. 

Nobody cared to notice his tear-stained,  hurt countenance, his quivering blood-caked lips, grime, dust, bruises and cuts littering his porcelain skin, the blood painting his dirty pants red.

Why?

Simple.

Beggars are quite common, aren't they? Their number seems to increase double during festivals, isn't it something we all know? Isn't it something very normal? Especially those with cheap rouge smeared on their faces and eyes glistening with crocodile tears?

Li Renshu is a beggar.

Yes, he is, it's true. Don't be surprised.

Of love.

Care.

Affection.

Reassurance.

Loving arms to wrap around him.

HOPE, which his vacant eyes were aimlessly rummaging for.

These were the alms he desperately craved.

And there was no one to give them to this little, broken soul.

No one.

Except one.

A splurge of bright colours and lights exploded in his bleak, barren heart.

A nascent sunray.

' Are you real?'

His lips trembled, and new tears welled up.

' Please don't disappear...'

His knees finally buckled under him, and he sank to the ground.

' Will you choose to leave me too?'

He started to sob, each sob shaking him to his very core.

' Stay... Please... Don't go...'

His red, puffed-up eyes, exuding fresh salt drops, were pleading, begging.

' Please... Please help me....'

His eyes lit up, as he watched his source of hope take a few steps towards him.

Hope...

His heavy heart, which was weighing him down like lead, seemed to learn how to beat again.

Hope...

A bright star had suddenly lit up in his hopelessly dark universe.

Hope.

Finally.

Renshu lifted an aching arm and stretched out his trembling fingers towards it.