*/ "XINGJUAN!! XINGJUAN, MY CHILD, WAKE UP, PLEASE WAKE UP!" a man with greyish blonde hair rippling down to his waist, dressed in the royal purple, blue and golden robes of the Yao Sect howled. He fell to his knees before the coffin and desperately tried to shake the occupant awake. "It's me, Dad, wake up, my sweet child, wake up, baby..."

Ahlam stood there as silent as the occupant of the coffin, her hand clapped on her mouth, her eyes wide with shock. The back of her throat burned.

'Xingjuan... What...'

The faint stench of burnt flesh, singed hair and blood made its way to her nostrils through the bandages covering the entire body except the face which had somehow remained intact. Her head began to swim.

"Please, Doctor, I have never asked you for anything but your loyal services, but please, please help me!" The man cried out, grabbing at the Physician's robes. "Please help my daughter! She can't... This is impossible... Please wake her up, Doctor!! Please... Help me..." Hot tears fell from his brown eyes.

He leaned over the coffin and tenderly cupped his daughter's cheeks, which had long lost their warmth and glow.

"Wake up, love... Please, you can't leave Dad like this... You said you loved me, then why? Why are you doing this to an old man like me? Why Xingjuan?" He turned his head to look at his elder daughter.
"Ahlam? Tell your mèimei to wake up, dear. Tell her that it's almost time for dinner and if she gets up, I will personally cook her favourite soup. Tell her, will you?"

He sat there, not minding the dirt ruining his clothes and kissed her cold, clammy forehead.

Ahlam stood glued to her spot, her eyes glaring at her sister lying so still in the box, a soul who could never sit calmly even for a few moments except for when she was meditating. How she wanted her to leap up, laugh and giggle and say that it was all a big joke. How she wanted to smack the back of her head for the brazen prank.

If only it was a prank at all.

The skin between her arched eyebrows which Ahlam had been so jealous of all her life was pale, the colour had drained away from her supple lips, leaving them grey and parched. She was covered from head to toe with snow-white bandages. Only her face was somehow fine- ghostly pale, bluish eyelids and darkened lines of resentment tainting her veins that stood out as a sharp contrast against the deathly pallor.

Ahlam knew there would be no such luck.

The spark of Xingjuan's lively soul was gone, leaving an empty vessel bearing the same face, and yet so different a countenance.
Cold. Lifeless.

The white bandages were gradually getting streaked with crimson.

"Please get up, Sect Leader," An Elder requested. "We need to arrange for her last rites."

"What rites, huh?" Sect Leader Yao Dishi adamantly clung to the wooden box. "Xingjuan is NOT dead. See, she loves her dad, I'll call her and she will spring up from there. Just watch. Xingjuan, get up now. Stop being naughty, hmm? Get up, my sweet girl, I promise to get you new music scores. There, now, get up..."

The Elder shook his head and wiped his tears. He looked at Yao Dishi's younger brother, Yao Chen, for help.

Yao Chen, who was standing with his wife and his sons, rolled his eyes at his elder brother's behaviour. He whipped a stray lock of raven black hair away from his face, and his lips curled up in a slight sneer beneath his moustache. He strutted up to his Yao Dishi and hauled him to his feet despite his protests.

"Look at her, Gege," he remarked. "Do you think she can hear you anymore?"

Dishi froze and stared at his brother, "No... no... Xingjuan... Xingjuan is just sleeping..."

Chen wasted no time in delivering the next blow. "Look at her face, Ge. Don't you know the difference between a person who is sleeping and her?"

Dishi started to tremble, his head shaking in denial. "No... She will wake up, didi..."

"Oh? You are a great spiritual cultivator, one of the best in the mortal realm. Your younger daughter followed your steps and was an outstanding cultivator herself. I thought you had taught her the best of the best. Then despite your teachings, how did she end up damaging her sword spirit and becoming a meal for the fire ghouls?"

"Stop... Please, didi... I..."

"She was an impulsive, foolish girl and this is the outcome of her actions."

The Elders gasped in shock. When they had asked Chen to bring Dishi away so that they could carry the coffin to the burial grounds for her funeral, they had expected him to coax him away. Not stab an already heartbroken father who was mourning his daughter's death.

"Yao Chen, stop," one of them began.

A trembling Dishi collapsed to the ground and fisted his hair. He wept and pressed his hands to his ears to block out his brother's words which were searing him like venom. "Xingjuan is not like that... It's impossible. I don't believe it... She can't..."

"Oh? But Ge, it's been a couple of hours already," Chen leaned over and caught hold of one of Xingjuan's fingers. He had to pull for some time for the rigor mortis had already begun to settle within her tendons. Due to the force of his constant tugging, the slightly reddened bandages wrapped around her wrist loosened and fell off.

Ahlam could no longer smother her nausea. She scrambled clumsily to her feet, her knees trembling. Her nose was flooded with the pungent scent of blood; she retched in the nearest shrub. Even after hurling out all of her breakfast, she couldn't stop heaving. She felt her aunt hold her hair back and rub circles on her back, saw her fiance hold out his handkerchief towards her out of the corner of her tear-filled eyes but neither of the gestures did anything to soothe her.

The whole courtyard echoed with gasps and murmurs of disgust and sorrow.

Chen held her hand as if it were one of the filthy rags used to scrub the stables.

The skin of her once beautiful hand was charred black, crimson fluid grotesquely coating the bare, now bright red flesh. Fluids were gradually oozing out. Pitted welts angrily disfigured her palm, showing little patches of white where the skin seemed to have been scorched right to the bone.

He flashed a defiant smile at Dishi who was sitting on the ground with his head lowered, mumbling incoherently, sobs racking at his old body.

"Yao Xingjuan is dead." */

Slender fingers wrapped around the worn handle of an unused, rusty blade. Except that the brown stains on it weren't rust.

"I hate you so much, mèimei. So much," a voice whispered. "Why did you have to take everything from me? First Mom and then Dad? What is it this about you that attracts everyone to you, like moths to a flame, despite knowing the fact that you will be their nemesis?"

Her nails, jutting slightly over the tips of her fingers, carefully scraped the dust and stains from the portion of the metal near the hilt. Carefully engraved on it were the incantations of a sword spirit that did not shimmer under her touch.

Xiàng fènghuáng shēng qǐ.

Rise like a Phoenix.

"You were such a beautiful kid. Always smiling. I hated you. Mom died birthing you. I loathed the mere sight of you. I made sure I washed everything you touched."

'I washed them so that you wouldn't get dirt in your mouth.'

"And Dad? You had him wrapped around your little finger. Why? Why did he love you so much?"

'You made him so proud. You ranked among the highest of our generation. I was so proud of you. You brought glory to our Sect. Mom would have been proud of you too.'

The metal steadily reflected a pair of glinting coal-black eyes which inspected the mangled edges of the blade.

"Who asked you to be a hero and go to battle an army of ghouls single-handedly? Just because some commoners came and threw themselves at your feet? I hate you. You and your desire to rush headfirst into any danger that you merely hear about. 'I want to help, do good to people, Jie.' "

'You never understood why I used to want to keep you home, mèimei... I had always known you were reckless and didn't give a damn about your life, but what about me, mèimei?'

"Do good, my foot."

Long raven black hair, occasionally streaked with grey rippled in the breeze as the emerald studded hairpin holding the bun in place was yanked out and tossed into the bedside drawer.

"You had a passion for proving yourself better than me," Her lips curled up. "Look where that got you at the end."

A bitter chuckle escaped her lips.

'Throughout the years, you always brushed your emotions away in jest. Perhaps if I had tried to understand you, we would have become the inseparable sisters I had often dreamed of.'

"Even your boyfriend, Li Weisheng, died because of you. Toxic bitch. Bringing about ruination wherever you go."

'Meeting him was your destiny. I could almost feel him take up all the space in your world. You revered him. Even the way your face glowed in his presence was so different from the way you perceived the rest of us. I saw the way his eyes lit up whenever he caught a glimpse of you, the lovesick fool that he was.'

"I can't imagine how you shot up to be one of the top cultivators back then. You couldn't even hold the knitting needles straight. Fool."

'There wasn't much that you couldn't achieve if you wanted to. Maybe when I realised your nonchalance in this particular task, taunting you soothed the ache of this petulant heart.'

The shapely figure seated herself on the bed, leaning back into the pillows. Her fingers which were wrapped around the sword hilt twitched.

"I invented the fighting technique using the needles and yarn. Yet, you turned to be better than me. What exactly did you have in yourself, Yao Xingjuan, that I didn't? We both were born of the same parents, so what was it that made you better than me?"

'You surpassed me. People often drew comparisons between us. But I could never hate you. Something in your eyes just washed away my anger, but why did Dad always have pride shining in his eyes for you and none for me?'

"Always trying to be a goddamned hero. Hhmph. As if anyone needed an idiot with an overwhelming hero complex like you. You snatched my only family away from me. Everyone I held dear to me was gone because you decided to be yourself."

'Even you left me. I had nothing left. Nothing to cling on to. The fame of the Yao Sect was reduced to detritus. Dad died of a broken heart only a week after you left us. He couldn't bear the agony. What happened to you, mèimei ah? What went wrong?'

A lonely tear rolled down the side of her face and a shudder rippled through her body. She turned her gaze away from the broken blade.

She loathed herself more for feeling torn between her ego and her heart.

Was she wrong?

Couldn't she hate the person who not only left her but also destroyed everything she had?

"I can't forgive you," she whispered. "You left me with nothing."

'I can't forgive myself... I didn't have the heart like Father to keep believing in you... Would you have stayed if I did? Would you have been alright if I had looked out for you instead of thinking that Li Weisheng was your whole world and I wasn't?'

The world had seen Li Weisheng and how he had killed himself right after his lover breathed her last; they had seen Yao Dishi succumb to his excruciating grief within one week of her demise...

But what no one had ever come to know was Ahlam burying herself under the thick blankets and smothering her wails with the pillows, clinging on to the little robes she had sewn for Xingjuan when she was a baby. She wept for the childhood they had spent together when for every tiny step Xingjuan took she would look up at her and their father with a big smile on her face for their approval.

She sobbed her eyes out for what they had.

Everything had been beautiful until it wasn't anymore and no one could explain why.

She could only watch her father's dreams crumble to dust. She could only feel her sanity get ripped to tatters and the shards of brittle, frosty glass settle in their place.

She was truly all alone.

A voice at the threshold of her room jolted her out of her reverie.

"My Lady, did you send for me?"

She lifted herself off the bed and gracefully walked over to the chair in her room. "Come in, Sying."

A lady dressed in the purple, royal blue and gold of the Yao Sect strutted proudly into the chamber. Her dark bronze hair was tied into a tight bun with two long knives sticking out of it. She dropped to one knee before her, with a right hand fisted over her heart.

"A-Sying, there's no need for formalities when we are alone," the Elder Lady flashed a clipped smile.

Sying stood up with a grim nod.

"Take this," the Elder Lady handed over the broken blade to her.

"A broken sword?" The woman asked, surprised. She held it by the hilt. "My my, it seemed to have been an elegant one when it was whole."

"I want you to hide this somewhere safe. My room doesn't seem to be safe any longer."

"What? But My Lady, the sword spirit is dead. This blade is just a piece of scrap metal."

"Turn the blade and see."

"Eh?" Sying turned the blade over in her hand. Her jaw dropped.

Xiàng fènghuáng shēng qǐ.

"What?! This is impossible! The sword is dead, I can feel it," She hovered her fingers over the blade, muttering under her breath. She huffed decisively when the metal didn't glow. But her eyebrows remained furrowed at the sight of the incantation engraved on it. Her murky eyes sharpened.
"When a sword spirit dies, both the name of the sword and the incantations fade away... How come this is still here?"

"I don't know all that. All I want you to do is hide this blade in a safe and secure place," Ahlam clasped her hands together.

The other woman raised her eyebrows and huffed out a laugh. "What will anyone want to do with a dead, broken sword?"

"Then why were you getting so worked up about the incantation when it's actually not supposed to be there?"

Sying fell silent.

"Just do as I am saying, A-Sying," Ahlam crossed her hands over her chest. "Hide the blade. Hide it so that no one will ever be able to find it. Especially my granddaughter."

"Who? Anbai?"

"No. Anbai isn't interested in all this. It's Caihong, whom I'm talking about. She must not find it."

"Alright. It will be done as you want it."

The Elder Lady nodded her approval as she walked over towards the window.
'Your smile was always a salve to my heart, mèimei.'

"But why take the risk of hiding it? If you don't want anyone to ever find it, I can always destroy-"

"NO!"

Sying stared at her, startled at the sudden outburst.

The Elder Lady was glaring at her, her fists clenched at the sides.

'I don't have the heart to part with it... I know it's ridiculous but it belonged to mèimei... It's the only thing I have left of her...'

"Just do as I have instructed," She growled. "Hide the sword. You will NOT even THINK of tampering with it. Clear?"

The other woman nodded.

With a wave of her hand, Ahlam dismissed her and went back to staring aimlessly outside the window.

'I abhor and adore you, mèimei... How funny is that?'

Could things ever go back to normal for her?

Would she ever be able to solve this constant turmoil swirling within her?

The Elder Lady Ruan sighed.

Would she ever be able to forgive everyone else around her and at last, her own exhausted soul?

She had no idea.

†******†

• Xiàng fènghuáng shēng qǐ- this phrase means Rise like a Phoenix, as I have already said earlier. Fènghuáng means Phoenix in Chinese.

******

P.S.:

Hey, I'm back! With an update as I had promised last night.

Thank you so much for waiting for me, my lovelies, and another good news for me is that my exams have gone really well and all my professors have appreciated my efforts!! Woohoo!! I'm so happy!! 💃💃💃

Love y'all my sweethearts and stay safe!! Please keep yourselves hydrated, it's so goddamned hot (in place it's 34°C yikes). Covid cases are rising and it seems like my city is gonna go under lockdown right after the elections in my state again... 😭😭😭😭

Stay healthy and happy!!

P.P.S.:

Yao Dishi (father of Yao Ahlam and Yao Xingjuan; past arc)

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Sying (a close confidante of Ruan Yao Ahlam)