chapter 29: weisz is concerned about reno

~weisz~

       I check my phone to see if Reno has replied to any of my texts yet, but he hasn't. I want to send him another message, but I don't think I can stare at my phone for too long. I just recently entered the second phase of my chemotherapy treatment, which is making me feel extremely nauseous. I can barely do anything without feeling like I'm about to get sick.

       I curl up under my blankets and close my eyes, trying to breathe through the nausea. I try to keep telling myself that the nausea isn't going to last forever. If it's anything like last time, it's only going to last a few days. But that doesn't help. It doesn't matter how I feel in a few days. I'm very nauseous right now and nothing is going to change that.

       At least I can be at home during this phase. It's a lot better than staying in the hospital for weeks on end. I'm lucky that I was even considered to be at home, but that's probably because my leukaemia isn't as intense this time. Because of my constant check ups, they caught the relapse early.

       I end up dozing off for a bit because of both my nausea and the fact that I feel fatigued. The next thing I know, I wake up to the sudden movement of someone getting onto my bed. I open my eyes, seeing Reno now lying down beside me. When he sees that I woke up, he says, "Sorry. Did I wake you?"

       "Yeah," I say. "It's okay, though. I fall asleep often when I feel like this."

       "How are you feeling?" Reno asks, lying on his side to face me.

       "Horrible," I say. "Very tired. Nauseous. Don't feel like I can do or eat anything. Meal times are a hassle for me because I know I have to eat, but it feels like I can't. It's only going to be for a few days before it's not as intense, but I still hate it."

       Reno gently strokes my cheek. "I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better."

       "You being here helps," I say. "Well, it doesn't make me miraculously feel better, but I like being in your presence. I've been trying to get a hold of you for a while to see if you can come over."

       Reno sighs. "I know. Sorry about that. My cell phone was off for a bit. I didn't want to do anything stupid with it."

       I furrow my eyebrows. "Why would you do something stupid with your phone?"

       Reno hesitates for a bit. I don't know if he's going to tell me or not because of how long the silence is. I don't want him to tell me if he doesn't want to, but at the same time, I'm worried about him. He always responds to my texts and calls almost immediately unless he's napping. There must have been something going on for him to want shut off his phone.

       Eventually, Reno says, "I don't think you'd appreciate the truth."

       "Try me. Unless you don't want to tell me. You don't have to if you don't want to."

       Reno hesitates once more before saying, "I was getting high."

       "On what?"

       "Weed."

       "Oh. Been there, done that."

       Reno furrows his eyebrows. "You have?"

       "Yes? I'm a teenager. It's not rare for teens to smoke weed. Besides, it helped a lot last time I was on chemo. That's the only reason I took it. Celine read a study about it and convinced me to try it." I gently tap Reno's chest. "You should have given me some."

       "I would have if I knew you wanted some."

       I shake my head. "Nah, mine was medicinal last time. I should get some more." 

       While my nausea hasn't completely gone away, it has subsided a bit since I fell asleep. Unfortunately, it's slowly building up right now, making me once again try to take deep breaths to get passed it.

       "You okay?" Reno asks.

       I'm not going to lie and tell Reno I am because really, I'm not. I hate this feeling. Pretending I'm fine isn't going to make me feel anymore. "No. I just..." I hate to take another deep breath, trying to control my nausea. "Feel sick."

       "Is there anything I can do?" Reno asks softly.

       "Just... Be prepared. I might throw up if... If it gets bad. I have a bucket beside me." Lying down isn't helping, so I sit up and rest my forehead on my knees. "S-Sorry."

       Reno scoots closer to me and gently rubs my back. "What are you sorry for?"

       "You came over and I'm feeling like crap."

       "I came over because you feel like crap. You texted me to tell me that you wanted me to come, so I came. I'll stay for however long you want me to. Even if I just sit in bed while you sleep. Or I can tell you how school has been going. Or I can bring my weed stash here for you."

       "Tempting. Just... give me a few minutes." 

       Eventually, I move my head to rest on Reno's shoulder, still feeling as nauseous as ever. The only good thing about going through chemotherapy this time is that I have Reno by my side. He has been making things a lot easier for me just by simply being by my side. His presence itself is very comforting.

       I need something to distract myself, so I ask Reno, "Why'd you get high?"

       "Do I need a reason?" Reno asks.

       "No. But is there one?"

       Reno is silent for a few moments before saying something I didn't expect. "PTSD."

       I lift my head off of Reno's shoulder to momentarily look at him. "You have PTSD?"

       "I don't want to talk about it."

       I rest my head on his shoulder again. "That's okay. You don't have to. But if you ever want to, I'm here."

       "I know."

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we'll start getting into reno's past more soon. he's just normally a very closed off person so it's hard for him to talk about what happened :(