A/N: Trigger Warning- Strong language, physical violence, bullying, references to self-harm, references to suicide, homophobia, references to transphobia.

This is a really sad and angering chapter in general. Please be careful.

Song: Secrets by OneRepublic

September 28

Today was not only the club fair, which I never got to go to, but it was also the day that Sarah told me what she had said to her former friends in Norfolk. While I'm glad she told me, I wish she could have told me later if "later" meant that she didn't have to deal with my former friends.

From the start of the day, I knew something was wrong. Sarah came to PE late, carrying her trumpet. She's usually really good at remembering whether it was an A day (band) or a B day (PE), so that tipped me off that something had her really distracted. Today we were playing basketball, and she was put on a random team because she was late. She was usually fearless and kind of scary when she went after the ball and really good at scoring and blocking, but today she hung back behind her team mates who were a bunch of prissy girls, including Kyle's girlfriend, Kelsey, who were afraid to crack a nail. At the end of the bell, I ran over to her, so we could walk back to the locker rooms together like we normally do. However, she didn't even look at me as she ran into the girl's locker room. At that point, I was terrified I had done something wrong. I started to think that maybe she heard about me being trans. Maybe she hated me because of it.

I tried pushing those thoughts out of my mind, but by the end of second period, it was obvious she was avoiding me like the plague. I didn't even see her run to class, so I had to walk alone and dodge the gang who had hung back at the lockers to whisper excitedly with the prissy girls Sarah had been stuck with. During class, she stared blankly at the board Mrs. Lawrence was writing notes on without taking notes herself. This was really unlike her, and it also wasn't a good idea since it was math. Usually, most people I know needed at least one problem worked out in the notes to be able to do the homework that night. Also, there was a quiz tomorrow. At the end of class, I tried to push my way to the front of the class, determined to at least give her my notes, but she had already disappeared.

Third period was a similar story. The only difference was that after class, we had lunch. Again, I couldn't find her in the melee of people trying to get out the door, so I walked over to the hallway we usually sit in (the one she found me in on the first day) in the hope that she would at least meet me there and tell me what was going on. When half of the lunch period came and went, I got up and started trying to look for her. The gang hadn't passed by where we usually sat yet like they usually do. Even if Sarah was angry at me or disgusted in me or whatever was making her not want to talk to me, I had to make sure she was okay. If the reason the gang hadn't passed by was because they cornered her alone...

After jogging up and down hallways and passing the cafeteria, I finally found her, but what I saw made my heart stop.

The gang had gotten there first.

She was on the floor in a fetal position. Blood was flowing onto the floor in tiny rivulets from scratches and other wounds. It looked like the gang was finished torturing her because they were standing around her and laughing. Most of them had a few bruises on their faces and arms, indicating that Sarah fought back but was overpowered. Blake walked up to her and spat in her hair. "That's for not doing what you were told and fighting back, you stupid little (bundle of sticks. I refuse to write down the word they actually used.)"

After that, I don't remember much. I remember seeing red, a lot of screaming, and someone holding me back from killing someone. By the time I came to mentally and could control what I was doing and remember everything, Blake, Xavier, Christian, and Kyle were unconscious on the floor, and Leonard had disappeared, probably to go get the school nurse or something. Someone was still holding on to my arm loosely, and I turned around to see who it was. Sarah let her arm drop from mine in shock. She looked like she could barely stand, much less be the person who held me back, but there was no one else here who could have done it. Tear stains were evident on her bruised face, and she stared at me with an expression I had never seen on her before. Fear.

"I... I'm sorry?" I mumbled. I will never be able to forget the look on her face again. I felt terrible. I didn't mean for everything to get so out of hand, but I didn't regret what I did which also made me feel like a terrible person. I still don't regret what I did. I feel a little less terrible about it now that everything was cleared up, but I guess I will get to that in a little while.

Anyway, she shook her head as if pulling herself out of a daydream, but almost immediately stopped. She swayed on the spot, and I pulled her closer to me to use me as support before she could fall. "W-we need to get out of here before anyone gets here, or you'll be in a lot of trouble."

That really surprised me, but I didn't argue. Once Sarah had an idea in her head, there was no way of trying to get her out of doing it. I silently thanked her for the second time this month for having a first aid kit on hand before pulling one of her arms around my shoulders and helping her limp out of the doors to the courtyard. If it weren't for the first aid kit, I would have dragged her kicking and screaming to the nurse's office which I am sure she would do her best to do no matter what condition she was in.

Once we were safely off the campus, I pulled her off to the side of the sidewalk to rest a little. "Where do you want to go now? Your house?" I suggested.

She shook her head. "Not yet. I don't want Dad to see me like this."

"Then where-?"

"The pond at the park."

I nodded and readjusted her position, so most of her weight was on me. It took about twenty minutes since we were walking very slowly, and in that time I realized she never said anything about her mom. I wondered why, but I didn't say anything. I could always ask her that later. Besides, I had a feeling she kept fading in and out of consciousness which made me regret not taking her to the school nurse or her dad despite the fact that she had a first aid kit and didn't want to go.

I set her down beside the pond and took out the first aid kit. I did my best to clean her up and bandage all of her cuts and open wounds. There were still a significant amount of cuts and scrapes on her thighs, so I told Sarah that she was going to have to take off her pants in order for me to reach them. I turned away as she did that and only turned back when she had everything covered except her thighs. On her right thigh, there was a blinding white scar that contrasted with her darker skin. It was the same word Blake called her, carved into her permanently. I fought back tears and anger at the girl that did this to her, and finished cleaning her up the best that I could.

When she said it was safe to look again after she got dressed, I turned around to see her sitting with her knees up, staring at the pond. She looked broken and defeated. Tears slipped down her face in a gentle steady stream. I sat down next to her, and she flinched involuntarily. We stayed silent for a few more minutes before Sarah wiped her eyes and looked down at the ground in front of her knees.

"I suppose you hate me now. You don't have to pretend. You can just leave like everyone else." Bitterness dripped from every word she said.

"I don't hate you. How could I ever hate you?" I asked her gently.

She stood up angrily and faced me with more tears on the verge of spilling from her eyes. "How could you hate me? How could you hate me? For the same reason everyone else hates me! For the same reason my two crushes from the last school I went to hated me and turned against me! For the same fucking reason my mom left me and my dad who was the only one who stood up for me! For the same fucking reason why I made these scars months ago!" She rolled up her long sleeves and showed me thin lines going up her arm. "For the same fucking reason they pushed me to the brink of doing something I would regret! I don't know how word got out here, but now you know! Everyone else knows! You all know the fucking secret I told the two people at my old school that spread like wildfire! You all know that I'm a freak! A disgusting worthless freak! At least," she laughed bitterly, "that's what everyone tells me I am. All because they know that I'm a... I'm a..." The fire and the pain that burned in her eyes a minute before vanished as suddenly as it had came. She looked exhausted and weary. "That I'm a lesbian." She finished quietly. She wiped her eyes again and started to walk away.

It took me a second to register everything that she said before I jumped up and caught her arm before she could slip back into the trees and on the trail. She tried to yank her arm free, but I pulled her closer to me and hugged her. She stood there stiffly before she relaxed and hugged me back. "I don't hate you, Sarah. I would never hate you, especially not over that. You aren't disgusting, and you aren't a freak. Everyone who told you that and hurt you were wrong. You are the most amazing and the strongest person I have ever met." I wanted to tell her a lot more about what she meant to me and how strong she is to have lived through that, but my voice stopped working. I just held her as she shook with renewed sobs.

After a while, she pulled away and wiped her eyes again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No no no you have nothing to be sorry for," I said, interrupting her. "I'm sorry that your mom left you. I'm sorry that you got hurt over this. I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop them. I'm sorry I scared you." I said the last one quietly.

"It's not your fault. My mom was... a special person, and as for what happened today, I was scared that you found out about me. That's why I didn't talk to you all day or anything. It was just... watching you take on all of them at once... I thought you were going to kill them." She said.

"I might have if you didn't stop me," I admitted. "I didn't mean to go that far. I... I actually don't remember most of what happened." We stood there for a few more minutes before I sat down, and she sat down next to me. "I... I actually have something to tell you too."

She looked up at me in confusion. "What is it?"

I looked down at the ground and rubbed my hands nervously on my jeans. "The reason my former friends hate me and why they were beating me up right before we met was because I... I told them that I'm uh... I'm genderfluid."

I looked back at her, and she was smiling softly at me. "Thanks for telling me, Austin, and thanks for... well... everything. I'm sorry they turned against you when you told them."

"It's no problem, and it's not your fault they're assholes. Thanks for understanding." I said.

She nodded and leaned her head on my shoulder. "What pronouns do you prefer I use?"

"It depends on how I'm feeling at the moment, but please only use he, him, his around my parents. They don't know, and I would like to keep it that way as long as possible." I said.

"Okay. What would you prefer right now?" She said.

I thought for a moment before I said, "They, them, their."

She nodded, and we sat in silence for a long time, enjoying the silence and safety of the clearing. Finding solace in the nature around us. It was our clearing. Our safe haven to be ourselves away from the cruel reality out there waiting for us. It wasn't until we noticed the sun starting to go down that Sarah pulled out her phone to check the time. "Oh shoot! I didn't realize we had been here for that long!"

"What time is it?" I asked, jumping to my feet.

"It's almost five. The club fair is going to start in a few minutes." She said. "Dad apparently got a phone call saying that I wasn't there for fourth period. He's going to kill me!"

I pulled out my phone and saw ten text messages and five phone calls from my mom. "My mom might as well have already killed me," I muttered.

"I guess we're not going to the club fair then?" She said with a half smile.

I laughed. "I guess not. It's okay though. I can just show you my yearbook from last year if you want to know what clubs the school offers. I'm more worried about my mom killing me and the possible expulsion I'm about to receive."

"Oh, you won't get expelled. I mean, it's our word against four people who got knocked out and may have possible memory problems and a guy who ran in the beginning of the fight. He might not have seen the attacker properly." She said slyly.

"Sarah Osborne, you are amazing."

Sarah insisted on walking home alone, so I opened the front door of my house to a tidal wave of fury and shouting about how I was irresponsible, skipping school, getting into a fight, disgracing the family, bla bla bla. I ended up being grounded for a month, possibly more if I'm suspended or expelled for the fight "I didn't get into". It's honestly not that bad though. I still have my phone, so I can still text Sarah. Also, they never come up here into my room unless it's dinner time. As long as I'm back by eight, I can get out through my window any time I want. The tree next to it has served for me climbing out the window many times before now.

Even though I may be facing trouble at school and I was yelled at by my parents, today was worth it. I wouldn't have done anything differently except maybe sneak after Sarah to make sure she got home safely, but she was well enough to make it back and beat the crap out of me if I stayed when she told me not to. Besides, she texted me as soon as she got home like she promised she would that she was fine.

It's weird how two people can reveal their deepest secrets with the fear of being hated and hurt by the other but end up becoming closer than before. I'm just glad that's what happened with Sarah and I. I feel like there are very few things left that could separate us, and for that I am grateful. I couldn't imagine a life without having her in it anymore. She is my best friend, and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

~Austin