Title: Felicity

Author: queenofheartsMal
Reviewer: LadyInLostYearn

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SYNOPSIS

A rebellious teen, Zofia is sent away for her actions for boarding school by her mother, expecting her to be a little more disciplined and serious about life but what happens when she finds herself face to face with worthy opponent? Along with the mystery of a lookalike girl disappearing, will she be able to handle and unleash the secrets kept in the dark for long enough?

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Disclaimer: While I was reading your book with my best effort to stay unbiased, I might not have caught your intended style for your characters, storyline, or purposes. By the end of the day, you control its narrative. I was just passing through, exploring around, and giving a deduction.

Overall review:

The cover is pretty. I like the colour scheme. However, the words above and below the title could be clearer with, maybe, a lighter colour. At first, I thought the title name could be more, but then I found out why. The first section of the blurb is clear to understand and that's good, although the grammar could use work, especially the second section. I'll delve deeper into that later.

The scenes were engaging and somehow, the scene of "Seb dismounts the bike first and faints onto the floor, which causes everybody's focus to shift from me to Seb only for a moment," was where I liked the most. The characters were dynamic, especially Seb. Zofia's voice was strong, which made the common mistake of awkward first POV narration wasn't present. I liked Teresa from the get-go, she seemed prissy at first but then quick to accept.

The grammar and mechanics hold back the potential of this book. Several examples are provided. "Like wow, goddamn literally everyone knows that I am going to be the valedictorian of our grade, take a break dear mother. My grades are the highest in all of my subjects in the whole grade so who cares if I have a little bit of an attitude problem?" This alone has three things that need to be fixed. Put commas before dear and so. Stop the sentence at grade, so it doesn't feel breathless.

To be honest, the whole writing needs a room to breathe. Another one, "I was a nerd, but not those typical teacher's foot licking nerds, hell all the teachers hated me probably because I had a tendency to sleep when I am bored no matter where I am, which leads to my daily detention after school, lucky for me I get my work done in that silence of two hours." Full stops at nerds and school. Comma after me. Discern which ones to full stop or comma, so that the paragraphs could flow better, including a problem like this "I am Sebastian," The boy says,. That should have a full stop, not a comma. Some transitions were too fast and short—just to give space for dialogues, I assume—but you have to balance them. You must do paragraph breaks as well. They might look different on the original document, but on Wattpad, they're not looking good.

Be aware of the mix of past and present tenses. Choose one to make sure your readers won't get confused. And action beats like these, "So?" was I supposed to care or something? and "...If I have to rob a bank," queue eyeroll by Seb, shouldn't be used as dialogue tags. Please be careful with choices of words and misspellings, as I found this "I munch on wantons as I scroll through my Instagram..." Wanton has a severely different meaning than wonton. Go easy on the -ly words since there was an abundance of them. I understand teenagers can talk like that in real life, though try to lessen them in here. The dialogues in the fourth chapter could be varied with tags and action beats at their beginnings, and state which speaker speaks up when three speakers or more are involved, like in "Say less, I am sure you pissed of Isaac Hargreeves." Because it can confuse the readers.

Use Grammarly or ProWritingAid (don't fully rely on them) for the mistakes. Text-to-speech site is good too. If you're unsure about certain words, do search them up, and read more proficient books outside Wattpad. I hope you will edit it since I read past chapter five. That says something.