Intro:

Heads Of Medusa was written by AnitaBadei. This is an original story starting with a gripping prologue with high intrigue, then it goes back in time to follow Athena in a mysterious, dark situation where she lost her memories and is attempting to put the pieces of her life back together. However, the pieces she finds and the secrets revealed aren't what she was expecting.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Let's jump right into it since I have a few core story things I want to talk about, though I'll mention some small things, too.

Starting with the core stuff, I was surprised by the choice to make the prologue in the future rather than the past. I had my pen ready and I was about to write an explanation about prologues since I thought the prologue was being used as a substitute for chapter 1, then I scrolled and saw chapter 1 and audibly said Oh. It surprised me. I've read three stories today alone that used prologues wrong, so when I saw you used your prologue in a unique way, I was pleasantly surprised. Along with that, much of the content in the prologue was interesting and fun to read about. This is one of the smaller things I said I'd mention, but I liked the dynamic between Eve and Lisa, like the line about the "traumatizing bath." That's a small detail, but I love the use of "traumatizing" there since any cat owner knows that's the truth: it's traumatizing as frick. But moving back into the meat of it, it's cool that you did something different with your prologue and also made it an actual prologue. I'm glad I didn't have to give the prologue talk again today, so thank you for sparing my fingers.

I like to bring up small things too since I think they're important and show the author has well-roundedness when they pay attention to the small details. All that leads to the presentation: I love the title and the cover. I think the presentation of this story is awesome since it deals with mythology, a topic many people are interested in, in a unique way. The title implies a lot about the story right off the bat and lets readers know there will be mythological references and events in the novel, so no matter what the blurb says, we have a hint at what's to come, and it helps fill in the gaps in our mind. Along with that, the title has a great color scheme that complements the vibe of the narrative. I was interested in the book as soon as I saw it. Great job with the presentation and giving readers the clues needed to figure out what the story is about without even needing to click on the first chapter. That gives them more incentive to read since they know you'll give them the plot in a clear way. It builds author-reader trust, is the simpler way to say that.

The next thing I'll talk about is the overall story idea. I loved the horror Athena had not knowing where she was, and the slow realization that she didn't remember anything outside of a select few facts, either. The realization was horrifying for both Athena and the audience since we're right there with her experiencing everything firsthand. I think you wrote those first few opening chapters really well and in a way that hooks the audience in. In general, the story has an engaging premise. The way memories are treated almost like a form of currency and bargaining is interesting, and I liked how Athena was so desperate to understand that she almost went through the five stages of grief over memories she didn't even know she had. It's heartbreaking to say the least, and it also sets the reader up for wanting to root for Athena. I know I did, and that feeling amplified throughout the story.

Lastly, I like the style and how everything feels so atmospheric. The set pieces are cool, the names are cool, the worldbuilding is cool, etc. I like how you have those names like DAD and EHB. It might seem like a small thing, but, for one, the small things matter, and two, it adds to our immersion and engagement with the text. The overall writing style was enjoyable and fit in with the tone of the book. It didn't feel too over-the-top but also not underwhelming. All of that is to say that I liked your writing and think you did a good job keeping everything consistent. I didn't notice any plot holes, worldbuilding problems, or character inconsistencies, and I appreciate you paying attention to the smaller details to keep everything consistent!

All in all, Heads of Medusa was a fun read with a unique spin on the mythology genre by blending elements of the contemporary in with it. I enjoyed reading it and getting attached to Athena's journey!

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What Didn't Work:

I'll start with the grammar suggestions, then I'll get into the creative stuff.

The grammar suggestions will only be taken from the edited chapters since I feel it's probably not as helpful if I point out things from the unedited chapters. I hope that's okay.

There are comma errors throughout the story where you miss commas when they are needed. Two examples back-to-back from the first chapter:

Athena's eyes fluttered open but the darkness she saw didn't disappear.

Her pupils surveyed the environment hoping to see a ray of sunshine.

There should be a comma after "open" and before "but" in the first sentence, and a comma after "environment" and before "hoping" in the second sentence.

If you're ever unsure of where to place commas, I'd suggest reading out loud and/or using a text-to-speech generator to have the text read back to you. I personally use TTS and it works wonders for my editing. You can also use free grammar editing software such as Grammarly, QuillBot, and/or ProWritingAid if you're ever unsure about commas. Your overall grammar is good, so it's not a big deal and I don't think you need to use grammar checkers except for in cases you're unsure, but it never hurts to use them for a second set of eyes on your work.

The next grammar issue is that there were occasional tense issues where you slipped into present tense incorrectly despite writing in past tense. When writing in past tense, present tense is used sparingly in exception cases, like direct (and typically italicized) character thoughts and dialogue since those are both immediate and therefore require present tense. However, it's best to stick to a consistent tense so readers don't get confused about the timeline of the story.

Next is dialogue, then I'll get into a creative suggestion.

Dialogue tags are inconsistent throughout the story. Sometimes they're done correctly, other times they're not. It leads to me not knowing what's supposed to be a dialogue tag or not since it flip flops. Sometimes you do them correctly with the comma and lowercase, other times you use periods/full stops despite using a tag. For example, from chapter 3, or "DISPUTE," there's this line: "Hey, you can stay behind me, 'cause I'm after you." He said. It should be: "...I'm after you," he said. So I would just suggest a little more consistency with the tags. This happens in both the edited and unedited sections.

The last suggestion I have is to use less adverbs since adverbs are telling over showing, and you also use a lot of the same adverbs. For example, in the first chapter, you use 50+ adverbs, and about 54 to be more particular. You overuse adverbs like "suddenly," "immediately," and "just." For word choice purposes, even if you choose to keep using adverbs frequently, I would suggest using those three less since you use them a lot.

As for the adverbs themselves, it's best to try and limit adverbs as much as possible because they are telling over showing. Some adverbs also act as emphasis words, like just and still, so those words you want to save for moments you need them, that way they keep their emphasis. It's okay to use adverbs; I use plenty of adverbs in my reviews because they're simple, easy to understand, and say what I mean without me having to write even more words. So it's fine to use them, especially words like "enough" (this is also an adjective depending on context). It's more the -ly adverbs that are the issue and the ones I recommend downsizing on because they are telling over showing, so the more of them you use, the more telling over showing you use. Maybe try the 300 advice. This advice says to try not to have any more than one adverb per 300 words. I disagree with this and say it's stronger to try and have no more than one per 500-1,000 words (depending on context; like in dialogue, I think it's more acceptable to use more adverbs here and there because humans tend to talk that way), but the one per 300 advice is good practice and could strengthen your engagement.

I hope all those suggestions made sense!

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Summary:

- Cool prologue

- Good presentation

- Engaging story idea

- Interesting style + atmosphere

- Grammar errors (commas + tense)

- Dialogue tag suggestions

- Adverb suggestions

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Overall:

Heads Of Medusa provides an engaging story idea that will suck readers in from the gripping prologue that's actually a prologue. From there, the readers will continue to get sucked in from the opening few chapters that give readers an interesting idea followed up by a cool style. If you're someone looking for a new mythological narrative, then this is perfect book for you.

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Thank you for submitting your book. If you have any questions or would like any additional reviews when the shop reopens, please let me know.

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I'm going to start leaving this new note at the end of all reviews since Wattpad removed pms.

If you would like to keep in contact with me and ask me for more feedback on your work, I have a Discord server for all readers, writers, and friends. I'll leave a link in the inline comment here for anyone who would like to join.