Intro:

Pakhi's Precious Life was written by NovaNarrative. As implied by the title, it follows the protagonist, "Pakhi," throughout her life as she struggles to find her place and desires to study at Architecture Nixus University. There is romance, drama, loneliness, and more throughout this narrative.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I like to start with small things and then build my way up to the core parts of the narrative, so let's jump right in with the smaller details!

To start, going based on my first impression, I really like the title "Pakhi's Precious Life." It's wholesome, cute, and makes me think we're going to get a positive message about valuing your life and seeing it as "precious." It makes me smile when I see it, and it also gives me a mental image of Pakhi as a character and how her life is going to pan out. I also like the pretty colors of the cover and how it spreads positivity and comfort. These kinds of stories are rare on Wattpad nowadays, so I think that's good that you're appealing to those who want an inspiring story. And for your reference, I'm writing this prior to clicking on the book to read, so this is purely my first impression, and it's a good one! Good first impressions are important to generating clicks on a book, so great job with that. You got me excited to read.

Now I'm back after reading the story, and while there are very sad themes and struggles in Pakhi's life, I'm glad Pakhi has such strength and determination. It's admirable and honestly refreshing. I read a lot of books, as you can probably tell due to how giant this review shop is, and also because I host so many contests. It's rare I see books about such raw human determination, and I had a lot of fun reading about Pakhi. It's an entertaining story that will give readers a lot to cheer for. I love the positive message behind it, and I'll talk about the themes more in the next paragraph, but I wanted to focus on Pakhi as a person. I'll also talk about her as a protagonist later, but just focusing on her determination, I think that was the perfect trait to give her. I think it's admirable that you gave her such a strong trait that matches well with her backstory and what she's currently going through. It fits her storyline really, really nicely, and I also love how you can tell how determined she is throughout every chapter published so far (at the time of reviewing this). That determined trait of hers is noticeable in every chapter, which shows you have consistency with that part of Pakhi, which is an extremely good thing. It means I didn't notice any out-of-character (abbreviated as OOC) moments, and that's a common error I see in books, so the fact that you don't have this problem shows you have a lot of potential for character writing. All in all, I like Pakhi, though I will also explain what else I liked about her in more detail after I'm done talking about the themes in the next paragraph.

The next thing I want to get into is another core story element: the themes. I love the themes of persevering through all life throws at you, and it's something that made me intrigued about the book when I first started reading it. I read a lot of dark, angsty stories, so sometimes I forget about the lighter, more positive messages, so reading this was almost therapeutic, in a way. Even though it was sad at many times due to Pakhi's situation, I love how she got back up each time. I think this message is extremely important, especially to your target audience, who I assume are in the 13-20 year-old range. This is the perfect message for them, and I'm glad you're writing it. It gives high schoolers and kids entering college inspiration to keep pushing through the tough parts of life. I think it's really great and smart of you to use this platform to promote such a positive message, and I will always support a book like this that has something to say with its main character and themes, so great job with that.

Lastly, I wanted to talk more about Pakhi, but instead of talking about her strength, I'd like to talk about her as a protagonist. She's a very relatable character. I personally really like relatable characters where you feel like you can put yourselves in their shoes. Even if the readers haven't personally experienced the things Pakhi has gone through, we can still relate to her based on the way she's written to be accessible to a general audience. I felt bad for her as soon as chapter 1 and wanted to see her succeed, and that ties back into her strength and determination. To explain more about what I just said, she's a satisfying character to watch because even though some or maybe even a lot of readers may not personally relate to her struggles with the unsupportive parents and bullying, we can still relate to her on a general level because she's going through hardships and trying to get through them. I like her personality and how she reacts to problems. I already mentioned her determination, but it goes beyond that: I just like her. As a person, she's extremely sweet, which is likely one of the reasons people pick on her: they see the sweetness and think they can take advantage of it. It's heartbreaking, but it also makes me want to see Pakhi succeed more. Seeing as the entire book is about her life, that's a great thing that you're making me this invested in her. So, to summarize, your character work with Pakhi is great, as are your themes, and that ties into the overall plot as well. The creative side of your story is well done and handled in a way that's interesting to watch unfold.

All in all, Pakhi's Precious Life provides the reader with a heartwarming narrative, though it will bring some heartbreak and angst along the way as well, and I mean that in a good way. It will give readers an emotional ride that they won't forget, and I think that's a great thing. I love it when books give us a strong protagonist, even when they go through the worst. So good job creating Pakhi, and I hope you continue writing about her life soon!

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What Didn't Work:

To begin, let's talk about SPAG, which stands for spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I'll begin by giving you general grammar tips to help in the long run since I know English isn't your native language, and it's a really difficult language, so I'll try my best to give as many tips as possible so you have a variety to pick and choose from for the future!

To improve SPAG in the long run, there are a few things you can do. For starters, free online grammar editors are overall pretty good. They're not always right, and they sometimes miss errors, but they are good at the technical stuff to help you with things like punctuation. These sites are places like Grammarly, QuillBot, and ProWritingAid. If using a grammar editor doesn't appeal to you, that's okay, I get it, they can be a little finnicky. I'll tell you what I personally use to edit: TTS, or text-to-speech, generators. You can Google TTS generators and you'll find a whole bunch of them available. What I do is I plug my book's chapters into TTS generators and have the TTS read me my own writing, and I'll listen and catch more errors that way. It's easier to catch errors when you read something out loud instead of in your mind, so that's why either reading your text out loud manually or putting it in TTS to read it out loud for you can be massively beneficial, especially for dialogue so you can hear if the dialogue sounds natural to say or not. You'll probably find more typos and grammar errors using this method. So those are two methods to help with grammar in the long wrong, but I encourage you to play around with various online grammar resources to help! Even if you don't end up using a grammar editor like Grammarly, I definitely suggest looking into the Grammarly blog since they make many grammar articles that can teach you a lot. Now I'll get into specific errors.

I'll break down a few of the grammar errors through one excerpt from the story, and this is from the chapter titled "Meet." Here's the excerpt:

When she don't get any reply, she goes near the chair and knock on the back side which was facing towards her still she didn't get any reply so she called him "sir, sir, sir"

then she use the handle of the chair and rotate it again, she got the most unexpected surprise of her life Qasim was sitting in his chair wearing headphones,

That's the excerpt. Here's what I recommend to tweak the grammar errors:

When she didn't get an answer, she went near the chair and knocked on the back side facing her. Still, she didn't get a response, so she called him. "Sir, sir, sir."

Then she used the handle of the chair and rotated it again, and when she did, she got a surprise: Qasim was sitting in his chair wearing headphones.

As you can see, I made many changes, mostly to punctuation because you have punctuation errors where you don't use enough punctuation and let sentences run on for too long. Like that first sentence goes on too long and could benefit from being cut where I cut it. There's also the end punctuation errors where sometimes you won't put end punctuation where it's needed. In the first part, you didn't put a period/full stop after the "sir." In the second part, you used a comma instead of a period/full stop after "headphones," so I adjusted accordingly. So those are some of the specific grammar errors, and that's one alternative you can use if you'd like, though I encourage you to play around with your words! The way I write is just one way, and there are many, many ways to write, so please don't blindly follow my suggestion unless you're 100% sure it will work for your book!

Moving away from grammar for a moment, when it comes to the age of Pakhi, I'm a little confused. In the first chapter, it states Pakhi is 19. You confirm she is 19 years of age, which confused me since she was still in high school, but I can accept that if she failed or her birthday makes it line up so she just turned 19 before final exams. But then in chapter 3, the father says she's going to be 19. So is she 18 or 19, is what I'm asking. This majorly changes my perspective on her being in high school since 18 is the average age while 19 is considered not a high schooler anymore unless you like just turned it or got held back. So the age could benefit from being made clearer, if that makes sense.. The same applies to the location. I don't really know where they are, and you're vague about them living in "the city," but what city? There are plenty of cities around the world, so some specifics about where they are could make the story more immersive and fun to read. I genuinely want to know where they are so I can feel more connected with the text. I really like worldbuilding and seeing new landscapes and places, so I encourage you to give more specific detail about their location, if you're up for it! Or at least giving a specific city name earlier in the story so we know at least what country they're in.

The last thing I'd like to go over is the dialogue and how it's inconsistent. On my message board in our conversation, you mentioned the script-like style and how you were working to tweak it, so I won't spend too much time on this since you're already tweaking it, though I will still explain the dialogue so it's hopefully easier on you in the future to make edits. So you do have a mix between book and script form, and I would suggest sticking to one or the other. Sometimes you'll do dialogue in standard book form, and other times you'll do it in script form. So book form would look like this:

"Dialogue," Daniel said.

Script form is like this:

Daniel: Dialogue

What I suggest is sticking to the book format since you have descriptions like a book, so it'd be easier to switch to fully book format than fully script format, if that makes sense. Now as for why, I study both film and creative writing. They're both my majors in college, so I see and write a lot of both books and scripts. The reason we don't blend scripts and books together is because scripts are meant to be performed and therefore are meant to be very... how do I put this? Bare-boned? Plain? Simple? They're meant to be very face-value and plain, which doesn't blend well with most books since books are meant to be more complex, not acted out, and more imaginative than scripts. That's why script dialogue never really worked well with most books I've seen. That's why I suggest tweaking it so it's only book dialogue instead of a mix between the two formats, though you did say you were already editing it, so I'm excited to see the edited version later on down the line.

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Summary:

- Nice title and pretty color scheme on the cover

- Pakhi's determination and strength are admirable

- The themes are great

- Pakhi is a relatable protagonist

- Grammar issues

- Some confusion about location/age

- Dialogue issues

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Overall:

Pakhi's Precious Life features a cute, determined, and strong protagonist in an otherwise cruel world. It's a tale of the indomitable human spirit, and I think that's admirable. It will make you feel a roller coaster of emotions, ranging from sadness to happiness to everything in between, so if you're someone who likes stories that will take you on a journey, then this is the perfect book for you.

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Thank you for submitting your book. If you have any questions or would like any additional reviews, please let me know!