Intro:

Stay was written by lostlovefairy. It is a romance story taking place in college, and it follows main characters Fiza and Alan, two musicians who band together to form a talented duet; however, as their relationship becomes complicated and pressures from external forces begin to wear on their mental states, the duo face challenges they were not prepared for and must find a way to overcome them both individually and together.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Maybe I'm a little biased, but I enjoyed the setting and overall plot of the book. I'm a college kid nearing graduation, so seeing first-year students in a college environment was almost a bit nostalgic for me. Beyond my personal bias, the setting made it so the romance was more believable. That may sound like a strange thing to say, but college romances are very fun to watch unfold since you're really at a time of your life where you're developing into the person you're going to be. So not only are they developing a romance, but they're developing as people and learning what it means to be an adult.

Even outside the romance, the college environment is fun to read about and feels very real. You take the time to describe the campus, like saying it's noisy (chap 4), or giving specific names to things like the Community Center. I know this may sound like smaller details, but the smaller details matter, and there are countless authors who don't actually give any names or details to their locations. I value worldbuilding because too many writers on here will say "Oh let's go to xxxx cafe" instead of just naming a cafe. That small act of giving names to places and giving imagery by evoking the five senses makes the narrative that much more alive and it makes it stand out from most other books on this platform. I appreciate the attention to detail, especially since as a college kid myself, a lot of those details remind me of my school and help me imagine scenes better.

The struggles that come with Fiza's family that presses on her mind is intriguing to watch. She's under more pressure than most college kids are, and that makes me feel bad for her and want to see her succeed. Alan is another example of someone who has a lot on his mind and reacts to it in different ways than Fiza does. Having the two react to their situations differently not only makes them stand out more, but it makes them more realistic.

That leads me to my next point about realism. The characters are overall very realistic to how I'd imagine a real college kid to act. I've had many roommates, and many of them act the way Alan and Fiza do. I lived in the same room as someone who acts more like Alan, and it was interesting to see real life people I know reflected in these fictional characters. The smaller details I mentioned before lead to Alan in particular feeling very realistic.

Normally I get annoyed by the whole miscommunication thing and the main characters being more in a situationship than a relationship, but for a college setting, I wasn't bothered by it. That ties back into the realism where many many many people I know settle for situationships and don't want relationships, or they like like the person they're in a situationship with but don't want to go any further. There are a lot of complex emotions there, and I'll talk more about the emotions later, but in general, I liked how the setting of the book and the age of these characters allowed for the situations they're in to feel more realistic and fun to read about when I otherwise would be annoyed.

Skipping to later in the story, I think it ends well. This is coming from someone who writes sad endings for a living: I think the happy ending was deserved and felt well done. The pacing in the last chapter was pretty solid and I liked the way it wrapped up the story for the characters. It felt like a natural conclusion. Sometimes stories need happy endings, and I feel this needed a happy one, and I'm glad you gave it that.

Similarly, I'm glad you decided to have a song in the last chapter to keep with the music theme that's been going on throughout the entire narrative. That was a nice detail that really tied it all together.

While on the topic, having the music theme throughout the entire book was a great choice. Having something to connect the two leads right off the bat gives them a valid, natural way to interact. Them having that common link also gave the readers an additional reason to continue reading, that way they can see where Fiza and Alan's relationship would go.

Lastly, I want to appreciate how complex the emotions are. In college, students deal with more emotions than average, and they come on all at once. Alan drinking was a nice touch, and the way he was more closed off about things made him like most college students I know. Then there's Fiza who wants to have everything figured out, but she's so limited by external forces that she feels the need to compare herself to others and put too much pressure on herself.

Without even factoring in the other characters, our two leads give us good insight into what the college experience is. Even outside of the college setting, they work as real people and interesting characters. They have a variety of emotions, so they don't feel flat at any times. Their emotions are also well-described and make sense for the circumstances they're in.

Overall, the characters are probably my favorite part about the story, but I also really enjoyed the worldbuilding and your attention to detail to make said world come to life. All in all, this was a good read.

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What Didn't Work:

This is a recommendation I give quite frequently so I understand if you do not want to follow it, though I always recommend not having flashbacks in the first chapter unless it's going to be the entire chapter (which would be more like a prologue). I say this because from a pacing perspective, we're reading your work for the first time, so us spending a lot of time trying to follow what's happening in the present only to get a few paragraphs from the past can be a little hard to understand and process.

That leads me into my next point about exposition. The first chapter has a lot of telling over showing and exposition where you tell us a lot about the characters, Fiza in particular. There's nothing inherently wrong with using exposition and telling over showing, though for first chapters, I always recommend limiting it as much as possible because that's your hook. If there's too much telling over showing and/or exposition, it can leave readers uninterested. That's why I would especially recommend not using flashbacks, no matter how small, in first chapters in future works unless it's like super duper important and can't wait. But in many cases, you'll find that flashbacks can either wait, be removed entirely, or be presented differently.

In general, there are some pacing issues. You do a lot of skipping around when I feel it could be better to stay in the moment a bit longer and show the process. For example, after the first chapter, you skip one month and skip over that vital adjusting period for first-year students. I know everyone is different, but my first month of college was absolutely insane for me both mentally and physically, and it was that way for my roommates as well. Still, I was okay with that being skipped, though skipping over most of the practicing process with Alan and Fiza felt very off to me (chapter 2).

Not only does this skip a vital part of their development, but it also makes it feel underwhelming when they get selected. It doesn't feel earned because we didn't see much of the process of them practicing and learning how to play together. When I did duets with my bandmates, they were my close friends but we still had trouble learning to play together despite being talented musicians. That's why, in my opinion, it felt a little rushed and I didn't quite understand the reason why it was skipped. Showing more scenes of them practicing and failing together not only will give them more chemistry and chances for romantic moments, but it'll also make it so when they do make the audition, it feels more victorious and earned.

Of course it's okay to skip over things and use time skips, though I was a little puzzled by the decision to not show much of them practicing together, especially so early in the story when we don't know much about them yet.

The pacing gets better later in the story, though having good pacing in the beginning is imperative for getting readers hooked on the narrative, hence why I'm emphasizing it here in my review.

Your grammar is overall pretty good other than the occasional errors that are no big deal. The only consistent error I noticed was dialogue. When you have special punctuation like ! or ?, you sometimes do dialogue tags incorrectly. For example: "It's okay, macha!" Said the other senior with Abhishek.

It should be: "It's okay, macha!" said the other senior with Abhishek.

Even when you have special punctuation, the tag needs to be lowercase unless it is a proper noun because it is still a continuation of the dialogue, not a new sentence.

Similarly, if you are using a tag, you cannot use a period/full stop. For example: "That's really creepy." Fiza said. It should be: "That's really creepy," Fiza said.

Most of the time, you do tags correctly, especially later in the book, but the errors did happen enough for me to notice them, which is why I'm bringing them up.

While on the topic of dialogue, I recommend considering using less dialogue tags. Oftentimes when only two characters are talking, you'll have tags for almost every line when that isn't necessary. Not only is it telling over showing, but it can also get a little distracting and repetitive when there are tags for almost every line.

For example, in chapter 31, there are 31 paragraphs with dialogue in them. Of those 31 paragraphs, if I counted correctly, there are 38 tags. There are more tags than paragraphs with dialogue. Many times you'll have two tags even though the same person is speaking, which isn't needed. I would very strongly recommend making sure when someone is speaking, you either give them one tag or none unless there's a drastic change in how they're speaking, but even then, I would recommend showing that through description, not relying on tags.

My father once gave me a solid piece of advice called the 50-30 "rule." It's not a real rule, but it is good advice, in my opinion. He said that of your dialogue, 50% or less of it should have tags, and of that 50%, 30% or more should be said or asked. Dialogue tags aren't important to the narrative and are telling over showing. Their only purpose is to tell the reader who is speaking, hence why many writers hate using them. I would recommend using less tags and finding new ways to introduce who is speaking, such as using actions, descriptions, speech styles, etc.

Lastly, this doesn't happen too often, but make sure when two different people are speaking, give them their own space to speak. Sometimes you'll have two people speaking in the same paragraph. Make sure the second person gets their own paragraph and there aren't two different characters speaking in the same place. I.e., sometimes you do this: "Hi," Raven said. "Hey," Jimin said. It should be:

"Hi," Raven said.

"Hey," Jimin said.

I hope everything I said makes sense!

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Summary:

- Cool environment

- Solid ending

- The music theme is good

- Several complex emotions are present throughout the narrative

- Realistic characters

- Be careful with exposition and flashbacks in the first chapter

- Some pacing issues

- Some dialogue recommendations

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Overall:

Stay is a fun adventure that's packed full of interesting emotions and complex ideas. It's a college romance that addresses many of the hardships that come with moving up in your life and dealing with a different kind of stress. For that reason, I recommend this story to anyone who is dealing with similar hardships, and also people who are very interested in music and romance.

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