Book: You must remember this by FranklinBarnes

Reviewer: 

Title:

The title of your book is quite interesting. It made me want to read your book. I was literally like: "okay, what should I remember?"

Good job on that!

Blurb:

Your blurb was a bit too complex for me. I was lost from the beginning:

"This roaring homage to Catch-22 transplants dysfunctional bureaucracy to a Silicon Valley high school (aptly named Heller High School) plagued by incompetent students and even more incompetent teachers. One exploiter of the system is Franklin Barnes, who after growing tired of his peers' seeming disinterest in anything but the triviality of high school, writes a satirical manifesto lampooning all they stand for in the name of "becoming a good person." Ironically, his absurd maxims are lapped up by his peers, who see Frank's teachings as a fast track to success."

I think you should make the sentences shorter so they will be easier to understand. For example:

"This thundering praise to Catch-22 transfers broken organization to a Silicon Valley secondary school-suitably named Heller High School-tormented by clumsy understudies and surprisingly more awkward instructors. One exploiter of the framework is Franklin Barnes, who after becoming burnt out on his companions' appearing lack of engagement in everything except the insignificance of secondary school, composes a mocking proclamation satirizing all they represent for the sake of "turning into a decent individual." Ironically, his crazy sayings are slurped up by his friends, who see Frank's lessons as a fast track to success."

You don't have to follow this guideline but as you can see, the words in this version are simpler and easier to understand. I think you should do the same thing in the second chapter because I had a little difficulty understanding it as well. For example; in the first sentence of the second paragraph, you said "an admired teacher suggests Frank looks..." the teacher is admired who?

A little more expression would go a long way in improving your blurb. A good blurb does a lot for your book.

Genre:

Your book was well classified. It really did belong to literary fiction and contemporary literature. Kudos on that!

Cover:

Your cover was kind of blurry and smudged together so it wasn't very enticing. I also didn't see how it correlated with your book. I know they say 'don't judge a book by its cover' but unfortunately, people do so it would be very helpful for your book if you give your cover some personality.

Plot/Structure:

The altogether flow of your book was good. The plot didn't feel rushed and it was not a story that was too hard and/or complex to digest.

Originality:

Your book and storyline were authentic and autochthonous. It was fiction but you made it believable. Great work.

Grammar/Vocabulary:

Your use of grammar was very good but your choice of diction, however, was a bit cumbersome. Like when you were describing the tone of the algebra teacher, you said he replied 'formulaically'. In that context, 'formulaically' is a big word and it sounded awkward. A simpler word would be 'unoriginal' which is easy for any reader to understand. You have to be careful with your use of diction. Sometimes a word is grammatically correct but as a writer, your choice of words goes beyond what it means, it also has a lot to do with what effect it will make on your audience. Will it make them understand what's happening more or will they just be distracted and/or confused?

Description/Expression:

Descriptions are key in writing but like everything in life, too much of it is overkill. I feel you suffer from what many writers-including me-suffers which are info-dumping. This is when you describe way more than you are actually showing in the book. For instance, in the first chapter, the first six lengthy paragraphs were just describing the setting. It felt too much. It's the beginning of your book, a little action would draw more interest into what is going on. Show, don't tell.

Also, breaking your paragraphs into small bits would do a lot for your book. When there are shorter paragraphs, it automatically becomes easier to read.

Overall Enjoyment:

Overall, your book was enjoyable and interesting. There are only a few parts you need to work on. Your writing style is also unique and a little re-editing would not be too bad. It is not very often you see books in your genre that are actually fun to read. All in all, impressive work. More power to your elbow