My legs don't pump fast enough

Chasing at night

Ensnared by your weeds

Planted by the seeds

Of indifference

Did you really think

You could pretend forever?

Recklessly launching

As you're chased down

Choking on your frown

Bittersweet symphony to my ears

We met at universe's end

Thought you were escaping

But I was there waiting

Trying to flee

It causes me glee

To see you waste your time

Running into the grime

I'll be waiting

Never leaving

Never free

See?

I'm you

Boo

--The song Running, lyrics by Orion Bauwens

I don't see Orion for a week. He's not in gym class, and he's not at lunch. Not seeing him at lunch is one thing; I came to find out that during my lunch he has a study hall, which means you can get passes to go to the library, a classroom, or the computer center (or in his case, a pass to ditch). But gym class? That's a class. You can't just ditch class for a week without severe consequences.

When I do finally see him he's on my front porch. It's after school, late, the sun having gone to sleep hours ago. I'm very confused.

"Orion, what--"

He sucker punches me. I shout. Before I can do anything else he pulls me outside, shuts the door behind us, and drags me down the steps. He doesn't stop until we're in the patch of grass on the other side of the sidewalk by the street. Then he roughly shoves me away from him, balling his hands into fists.

"What the fuck was that for, Orion?"

"What the fuck was that for?" he shouts back at me. "What the fuck was that for?! My girlfriend is dead barely a month and you kiss me? You--kiss me?!"

"I'm sorry," I tell him honestly as my cheek stings. He has a nasty left hook, that's for sure.

"Why?" he rants at me. "Didja think it'd be funny?! Didja just wanna see me squirm?"

I'm shocked. "Orion, I would never--"

"Didja think it'd be fun to toy with my emotions?! Like I'm not going through enough fucking shit already?!"

"No!"

Orion rushes over and grabs me by the collar, shaking me. "Then why did you kiss me?!"

"Because I have a crush on you!"

Orion immediately lets go of me and reels back, looking stunned. For a second we just stare at each other. Then he purses his lips, grabs me by arm again, and drags me into the back yard. When we get by the huge oak tree, I yank myself free and glare. He leans against the tree, taking out his cigarettes, and lights one.

I'm still glaring, my arms crossed. Orion rolls his eyes and then waves the hand that holds his cigarette, the smoke swirling around him. "So, care to explain yourself?"

I growl in annoyance and plop down in the grass, crossing my legs. I lean my head against my palm, my other hand picking at grass and flicking it away. I can't bring myself to look at Orion. Even so, I hear him sit down.

I don't want to have this conversation. The more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I get. I can feel myself turning redder by the moment. When I continue to remain silent, Orion clears his throat.

"Okay, we're gonna walk you through this. Let's start with, when did you realize you have a crush on me?"

I look at him with my eyes. "I'm sorry."

Orion draws up his knees, wrapping his arms around them. He takes a puff, shaking his head. "No need to be sorry. Also, an apology wasn't what I asked for."

I kinda wish a freak storm would suddenly appear and hit the tree with lightning, causing it to topple over and kill me. When my wish isn't granted, I answer him. "Last year..."

"Are you gay?"

"No."

"Bi?"

"No."

"Pansexual?"

"I'm yousexual."

I look at him and he blinks. I moan loudly and bury my face in my hands. "I'm sorry..."

"Explain," he states kindly, patiently.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes." He pauses. "Please."

I'm now tearing up fistsfuls of grass, and I still can't look at him. "I was starting to think I was asexual or something. Everyone around me was starting to date, but I wasn't interested. Even when girls flirt with me because of the band, I could care less."

Orion snorts. "I've noticed..."

"But then...well." I swallow thickly and I can feel myself turn redder, tearing up grass faster. "You explained to me what happened between you and Daryl, and it never really occurred to me that I might like guys."

"Do you?"

"I d'no." I look at him and he's staring at me evenly, no judgement or anger on his face. I swallow loudly. "I've done a lot of thinking about it."

"And?"

"All I know is that I have a crush on you. I don't--" I look down again, twisting a tuft of grass until I pull up a chunk of dirt with it. "I don't really feel like this about anyone else. No one else interests me."

Orion laughs. "Would you stop murdering the grass already?"

I look at him, surprised, still holding the clump of grass. He leans over, taking it from my hand and puts it back, pressing it down firmly. Then Orion leans against the tree, his head back, looking at me with half-closed eyes.

"I'm sorry I punched you. If you don't want to be my friend anymore, I get it."

"Huh?"

"I wouldn't want to be friends with me. You do way more for me than anything I've ever done for you. This is a pretty one-sided friendship. And then I punched you. Which I'm sorry for."

"Naw, we're good." I look at him sheepishly. "Er, that is, if you still want to be my friend..."

"I do," he tells me earnestly, "but...We do have to figure this out."

I look down, resisting the urge to pick at the grass. "Yeah..."

Orion shakes his head. "I'm sorry, and this might hurt, but I'm not interested."

Yeah, that did hurt. "I figured..."

"And honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever be interested. You're my best friend. I d'no if I'll ever like you as anything more than that."

Ouch. "I know..."

"And I need to know that you'll be okay with that."

In plunges the knife. "Yeah..."

"Jake," he says, and he leans forward, grabbing my wrist. I snap my head up and look at him wide-eyed. "I'm serious. If this is going to make things weird between us..."

Twist...

"If this is going to make you resentful down the line..."

God, his eyes were intense, two glassy spheres of emotion that were taking my breath away. Literally. I had to force myself to take a sharp intake of air, trying to concentrate on his words and not the two small universe's that were sucking me in and making me tremble.

Twist...

"Then...I d'no if we can be friends."

Of fuck, why doesn't he just reach into my chest and rip out my heart already?

"Because I don't want to hurt you, Jake."

Yup, there goes my heart. After everything he's worried about me. I was starting to think he was perfect. Which shows how bad I had it for him--dude just punched me minutes ago. Not exactly the hallmarks of a healthy relationship.

Orion shakes his head. "I never, ever, want to hurt you, and you need to know that."

"I know."

"Are you okay with that?"

My heart is now flopping around all over the lawn like a dying fish. "Y-yeah."

Orion narrows his eyes and speaks low. "Then why do you look like you're about to burst into tears?"

I do? I shake my head. "Just...this is a lot. I just--have a lot to figure out."

Orion smiles a bit, patting my wrist. He then gets to his feet, snuffing out his cigarette, and puts the butt into his pocket. "Well, when you figure it out, I'll be here, yeah?"

I look at him. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah."

He bends down then, stroking my hurt cheek for a moment. I shudder at his touch, I can't help it. He's started to wear eyeliner regularly, and his deep cocoa eyes truly look amazing. I couldn't get enough.

He smiles a little. "I'm really, really sorry I punched you. I shouldn't have done that."

I resist the urge to grab his hand and hold it against my cheek. "It--it's okay."

"Friends?"

"Yeah, friends."

I watch him walk to the front of the house. Orion's not wrong--as soon as he's out of sight I burst into tears.

~

So you'd think after all that I'd put my feelings aside for him, right? But I can't. That conversation just made everything ten times worse. I'm like a Goddamn love sick puppy, following him around at his heels. I'm really good at hiding that, though.

Currently I have him cornered. Well, figuratively. We're really just standing by his locker. Although he doesn't know about the 'we' part yet, seeing as I've strategically placed myself behind the open door so he can't see me. I try to look cool as I wait, leaning against the lockers, my arms crossed. Pathetically I'm trying to pull off a Marlon Brando vibe, or something.

Orion shuts his locker, and then yelps. He puts his hand to his chest and glares.

"Jesus, Jake, you scared me..."

"So I've been thinking."

Orion looks around briefly, probably knowing what the subject matter is going to be. "Yeah?"

"I'm over it."

He looks at me like he doesn't believe me.

"Really." I shove my hands in my pockets and walk backwards so I can look at him as we head down the plain hallway. "I need to figure out everything. Not you--me. And until that happens, I'm just...not going to like anyone."

Orion chuckles and shakes his head. "That's not how it works, Jake..."

"Yeah? Well it is for me. And your friendship is more important to me than some confused ass feelings I have for you, alright? So seriously--forget anything I said."

Orion rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to forget it...But if you're seriously going to move past it, I'm more than okay with it."

I beam. "Excellent!" I go back to walking normally. "So, how are your grades this year?"

Orion does his nervous laugh.

"That bad, huh?"

He nervous-laughs again.

"How about this? How about I do some of your homework for you?"

He stops walking. Someone bumps into him, and he mutters a sorry.

"What?"

Orion starts walking again. "I can't let you do that."

"Why not? Because it's cheating? Since when do you care about that?"

"I don't want to get you in trouble."

"I'll only get in trouble if we get caught," I tell him with a wink.

He gives a disgusted look. "Don't wink at me, dude."

I laugh, then say, "So come on, what do you say?"

Orion stops walking again, this time on account we've arrived at his classroom. He adjusts his backpack. "I'll think about it."

I watch him as the bell rings. Even though I'm going to be late, I watch him until he sits at his desk, putting his backpack on his desk and pulling out books and folders and paper. I smile and walk away.