CONTENT WARNING: Bullying and use of a derogatory word.

I can't stand

Breathing abnormal

Miserable joy

Candid memories

Never played out

Seething, wheezing

Teething, freezing

Chest tight

What is happening?

I can't stand

Breathing abnormal

Miserable joy

Candid memories

From long ago

--The song Diaphragm, lyrics by Orion Bauwens

"Mr. Bauwens, are you listening?"

"Now I am."

A few snickers. Orion sits up straighter as Ms. Ketter sighs heavily. "What is the symbol for silver?"

"Uh...SI?"

"No."

"SL?"

"Mr. Bauwens, I literally just said it."

"And I literally just said I only started paying attention right now."

A few more snickers.

"I'll give you one last try. In fact, I'll give you a hint. It includes the letter 'g'."

"'G'?! What sense does that make? Silver doesn't have a 'g' in it."

The teacher sighs heavily again. "Are you even on the proper page, Orion?"

"Ori-on."

Another sigh. Orion twists in his seat, looking at me panicked. I mouth 'a' at him.

He whips back around. "GA!"

"No, that's gallium..."

"At least that makes sense," Orion mutters. "AG!"

"Yes, Mr. Bauwens..." Ms. Ketter narrows her eyes at me, and I try not to flinch under her stare. "Next time pay attention, and perhaps give me an answer without polling the audience?"

Orion and I both slip down into our seats.

After class, Orion and I leave together.

"Are you trying to flunk out of High School only a week in?" I tease him.

"Not trying..." he whines at me, to my surprise. I really like Orion. His mannerisms are funny and unique. He doesn't really act like other guys I know. "I'm just bored."

"You say that a lot."

"Well I'm bored a lot!"

"What do you wanna do in life?"

He looks at me, a little bewildered. "Dude, I just started High School... please don't pressure me like that."

I laugh. "I want to be a firefighter."

"That's nice."

"Okay, your turn."

"I d'no," Orion says softly, holding both backpack straps and looking at the ground. "I never really bothered to think about my future. I just assume I'm going to spin into obscurity, scraping gum off chairs in a movie theater, living in this shit-hole of a town until sweet death whisks me away."

I stop walking. So Orion stops walking and looks at me. "What?"

I was going to ask him if he was being serious but I never got to. Just then, someone walks past us. They shoot their arm out, shoving Orion into the lockers as hard as possible. Orion tumbles into the metal with a loud bang, loses his balance, and falls to the floor. A few people laugh, continuing on their way.

As the boy continues past, he looks over his shoulder down at Orion, saying loudly, "Fag."

The two boys he's with laugh, and before I can say or do anything they disappear into the student population. Frowning, I go to Orion, helping him to his feet.

He's bright red and he wipes off his pants quickly, muttering cusses under his breath.

"What was that about?"

"An asshole I went to Treegrove with," Orion grumbles, face still burning in shame as we continue on our way. "We were friends. Now we're not. End of story."

"Does asshole have a name?"

"Yeah--asshole."

"Orion."

He shakes his head. "I'm not even going to waste my time telling you. It's not worth it. He's not worth it."

"Well if he ever messes with you again," I tell Orion, "you tell me, got it?"

"Pft. What, so you can beat him up for me?"

"If I have to."

Orion looks at me, still very red. "I--I said he's not worth the time..."

"Anyone who messes with you is worth my time."

The pale boy somehow manages to become even redder, like he might start bleeding from his pores or something. He glances at me, and then back down at the ground. "T-thanks..."

I laugh, slinging my arm around his shoulder.

~

"You should come over!"

Orion shuts his locker. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Ben and I.

"Well, hi to you, too..."

"Oh, right," I reply, the three of us walking towards the door. "Hi Ori."

"Ugh," he moans at me, "is that going to be my nickname now?"

"Well, yeah, since you pronounce your name all screwed up."

"I don't," he corrects me, "my dumbass parents do..."

"So you should come over to Jake's," Ben says eagerly.

"Why? I have homework."

"It's Friday," I tell him. "Besides, fat chance you'll actually do any of it..."

"Good point," he says, giving me a grin.

"Well?"

He looks at us suspiciously. "Why do you want me to come over?"

Ben and I look at each other. I speak. "Uh, because you're fun to hang out with?"

"Yeah," Ben says, "and Jake and I hang out all of the time. Thought maybe you'd want to join."

"If you don't want to, that's okay," I say, though secretly I'll be disappointed if he doesn't come along.

After a moment's pause, Orion shrugs. "Sure, why not."

We almost made it out of school without incident. The three of us are talking so much we don't notice the guy hanging out by the door. That is until he shoves Orion, who stumbles into Ben, who topples into me. Once our human domino act stops, Orion is livid.

"Knock it off," he snarls at the fellow student.

I'm honestly a little afraid. Orion's eyes turned into slits, his lips curling back to reveal his teeth with his brow scrunched up, creating several wrinkles. He looks like a wild animal showing its fangs.

"Oooo, I'm so scared," the boy taunts laughing.

Orion lunges, his arm pulled back to punch. Without really thinking, I jump forward and wrap my arms around both his, pinning them to his sides.

"Hey, hey, easy!" I shout at Orion.

"That your boyfriend?" the boy laughs.

"Fuck off," Orion screams, trying to savagely kick the boy. His flailing nearly lands me on my own ass, Ben steadying me.

"Orion!" I scream now. Using all my strength I lurch him out the doors, "stop before you get us all detentions!"

Ben and I usher Orion down the cement stairs. We're outside now. The boy stands in the doorway where he was, waving at us.

"By sweetie!" he calls. "Have a good weekend!"

Orion spins around and screams unintelligibly. Ben and I have to grab him, dragging him down the rest of the steps.

Once we're a good block away from school, Ben and I feel comfortable enough to let Orion go. However, he immediately turns back around, trying to rush away with his chin tucked down. We grab him again.

"Dude," I say, "you said he's not worth it, remember?"

"Yeah well I fucking lied," Orion snarls again.

"Who is that?" Ben asks, looking over his shoulder.

Orion takes out a pack of cigarettes and lights one, not answering until he's taken a long drag. "His name is Daryl. Him and I used to be really good friends."

"What happened?" I ask.

"This summer is what happened," is the only reply I get. So we drop it.

By the time we walk to my house, Orion has calmed down. He's right back to his silly, sarcastic self. So I'm really surprised what happens when we get inside.

"Mom!" I call, "I'm home!"

"Where should I put this?" Orion asks, holding his backpack up.

I shrug. "Wherever." I then call back into the house. "Ben's here! And I hope you don't mind I brought Orion!"

"Who?" my mom calls.

"Orion--guy from my science and music class?"

"Oh, right! I'll be right there!"

There's a mirror to the left. I watch as Orion fixes his hair frantically, then smells himself. He looks at me nervously. "Do I smell like smoke?"

"Uhhh..." I give him the side eye. "I d'no?"

Just then my mom walks in, still in her work clothes. She kisses my cheek.

"Hi sweetie. Sorry, I just got called into work--dinner is in the fridge, okay? Just pop it in the microwave."

"Hi Mrs. Larson," Orion says, smiling and holding out his hand, "it's a pleasure to meet you."

My mom looks just as surprised as I am. She laughs, shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you, Orion. Make yourself at home."

"Thanks!"

"Feel free to eat with the boys--there's enough to go around. Help yourself if you stay for dinner."

With that she says goodbye (with a few further instructions..."There's iced tea in the fridge." "Don't forget to let Juniper out." "Don't forget to take out the trash and recycling.") and is gone. I immediately look at Orion.

"What was that?"

Orion blinks at me. "What was what?"

"Suck up, much?" Ben taunts.

Orion rolls his eyes. "Just because I'm a goof off at school doesn't mean I wasn't raised right..."

"Alright, c'mon, I'll show you around."

Before we get very far our ears pick up the sound of feet coming down the stairs. We're greeted by my mini-me, only with darker hair. She stops in her tracks, looking Orion up and down for a second.

"Oh," she says, sounding unimpressed, "it's you."

"Orion, this is my sister Charlotte. Charlotte, this is Orion."

"Ah," she says, extending her hand, "so you're the upstart our parents are worried is going to corrupt our sweet little Jacob."

Orion laughs. "And you're what, three years old?"

She doesn't look amused. "I'm only a grade younger, thanks. But yeah," she adds with a heavy sigh. "Jake here is the favorite--"

"I am not!" I snap.

"Ignore him, yes he is," she faux whispers, "And I'm just the boring one that likes school and likes to stay out of trouble."

"I don't get into trouble," I protest.

She folds her arms.

"Oooooo," I say, wiggling my fingers at her. "Breaking curfew is soooooo bad. Lock me up and throw away the key."

"Anyway," Charlotte says to Orion with a flip of her hair, "we ate already, there's leftovers. Help yourself Orion, I'm sure my mom won't mind."

"Thanks," Orion replies.

I tap him on his shoulder and we continue on our way. It's just a split level house with what you'd expect from a house like that. First is upstairs, rather unimpressive. My room is also unimpressive. Then I show him around downstairs. We run into Juniper, our old golden lab. Orion smiles a bit but doesn't pet her.

"Don't forget," Orion says, "your mom asked you to let Juniper out..."

Honestly, in the short amount of time I had been showing Orion around, I had completely forgotten. I grin. "Oh yeah, thanks."

So after that I show him the backyard, since Juni has to do her business anyway. Once again, nothing impressive. I tie Juniper to her lead, pulling out my keys to enter the attached garage.

"And this, " I tell Orion, "is where Ben and I practice."

It's a garage, nothing impressive once again. Off to the side is Ben's blue drum kit. I open up the garage door for some better light. Orion pulls out his cigarette's. He's intrigued I can tell but trying to play it cool.

"So you're a garage band," he states around the cigarette with a chuckle.

"Hey," Ben says with a grin, "gotta start somewhere."

Orion nods to the kit. "Play me something."

Ben and I look at one another.

Orion grins. "C'mon don't be shy. I wanna hear you."

Ben looks at his sneakers. "I'm not that good..."

"Don't care," Orion tells him. "Besides, if you know you're not that good that just means you know you gotta improve! That's good!"

Ben looks at me. I shrug, gesturing at the drums. Ben walks over and sits, picking up his sticks.

"Er...what do ya want me to play?"

Orion laughs. "Anything?"

So Ben starts with some easy warm up beats. As he plays, Orion meanders around the garage, looking at everything. Years on I will have recognized this as his silent way of trying to make Ben comfortable. Orion is very thoughtful like that, and I love him for it.

Ben starts to pick up tempo. Before either of us know it, he's hammering away, going to town, really having fun. Orion is still wandering around, but now there's a huge grin on his face. As the solo ends, Ben shouts once, hits the top hat, and jumps to his feet, grinning.

Orion turns to him and claps. "I thought you said you weren't that good? That was fucking amazing, Ben!"

"The weekend barely started and you guys are making a racket already?" says a giggly voice.

Everyone looks at the driveway. Standing there is a girl my age. She has shoulder length, brown curly hair. Currently she's wearing denium shorts, a yellow tank top, and white gym shoes. A hand is on her hip and she's smirking, dark green eyes twinkling.

"Oh hey, Stacy," I tell her.

She looks Orion up and down. "Who's the shadow?"

I look over at him. He's completely frozen to the spot. His eyes are huge, lips slightly parted. He's also a deep, deep red. I nearly chuckle.

"That's Orion."

He gives a nervous, high-pitched, hyena-like laugh and waves at her.

"What kinda name is Orion?" Stacy asks, smiling at him.

"I--I d'no," he squeaks.

She laughs. Stacy then walks over, leaning against the drum kit and looking at her painted nails. Ben narrows his eyes but we both remain silent. We've told her time and time again not to do that, but she never listens. So we've given up.

"So what're you dorks up to?"

"Just showing Orion around," I say, throwing a smile at him.

Poor guy looks like he might puke.

"Does he go to school with you guys?"

"Hey!" Orion snaps, though he's still bright red, "I'm right here!"

She looks at him and laughs, the smallest sign of pink coming to her cheeks. "Sorry--do you go to school with Jake and Ben?"

"Yeah, I do," Orion says, the blush starting to recede. "I haven't seen you yet. Are you in a different grade?"

"Oh no. I go to Catholic School."

Immediately Orion's eyebrow shoots into the air. He then laughs. Stacy narrows her eyes. I'm admittedly confused myself.

"What?" she asks, and I can tell she's upset but doesn't want to be rude.

Orion shakes his head. "Nothing, just my luck."

She blinks.

Orion shakes his head again, getting a handle on his laughter. "Nevermind, forget it." He clears his throat, and gives a swarthy, lopsided smirk.

Oh. He likes her.

"So how do you know these dorks?"

Stacy laughs. "I'm Jake's next door neighbor."

Orion looks at me.

"True story Ori. We've known each other since we were babies."

"Ori?"

Oops. I snap my head back to Orion, who is right back to being bright red. However, Stacy smiles at him, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I like it. It's cute."

Orion grins while Stacy blushes.

~

"You like Stacy?"

"What?! I do not!"

I look over. I'm on my back, lying on the ground, tossing a baseball up and down. Orion is on my bed, flipping through one of my comic books. He's sitting up now, a bewildered look on his face.

I chuckle. "Okay, dude."

Orion pauses to lay back down. When he speaks he tries to sound uninterested. "So you've known her forever, huh?"

"Yup. Our moms are best friends, our dads are best friends--well, when my dad is around."

"Divorced?" he asks innocently.

"No--my dad's a freight truck driver. He works two weeks on, one week off."

"Ouch. That sucks."

I shrug. "Gotten used to it. Plus the money is good, so."

"He must get lonely."

I shrug again. "I try not to think about stuff like that."

"How long has he done that for?"

"A few years now. He used to work at the plant but he was part of the layoffs that made the news."

"Yuck."

"Yeah...What about you? What do your parents do?"

Orion sighs. "My dad's a fuck-face that finds work wherever he can find it, and my mom is a homemaker."

I flip over onto my stomach and look up at my new friend. "Wow--don't like your dad much?"

He frowns. "Not at all."

"I'm sorry."

Orion shrugs. "Whatever. One day I'll find my real parents and everything will be alright."

"Real...?"

"I'm adopted."

"O-oh."

He laughs. "Gonna ask me a zillion and one questions about that, too, like my colorblindness?"

"No. Just... surprised."

Orion pauses, dark eyes looking down at the magazine. "Soooooo does Stacy have a boyfriend?"

I get up on my knees and grin. "Ah-ha! I knew it!"

"What?!"

"You like her!"

He starts to blush again, rubbing the back of his neck and looking off to the side. "She's cute..."

I laugh and he glares at me.

"So does she or doesn't she?!"

I'm still laughing.

"Does she have a girlfriend?"

I screw up my face. "What? No! She goes to Catholic School."

Orion rolls his eyes. "Yeah, because Catholics can't be gay..."

"I don't know," I tell him. "I mean, about the boyfriend."

"Um," Orion says, sitting up cross-legged and biting his nail, "do ya think you could find out for me?"

I grin. "Why don't you ask her?"

He goes red again. "W-what?! I can't!"

I'm still grinning. "Why not?"

"Because then she'd know I like her! And what if she doesn't like me?" Panic comes over his face. "Then it'll be weird, and awkward, and I'd die!"

I laugh. "You're a bit dramatic, aren't you?"

He doesn't answer, just stares at me in expectant fear.

"Seriously; have you thought about the school's drama club?"

Orion moans loudly and flops onto his back, flinging his arm over his eyes.

"Fine, I'll ask her."

Orion bolts back up. "You will?!"

"Yeah," I say. "And if it gets weird, then I'll invite you over when she's not around. Or we can hang out at Ben's house, or yours."

"Not mine."

I don't say anything to that. There's a long pause. I go back to tossing my ball up and down, but out of the corner of my eye I see Orion with his head down, picking at the blanket.

"You'd do that for me?" he finally asks quietly.

I catch the ball holding it as I respond. "Yeah--why wouldn't I?"

"You barely know me."

I look at him and I swear to God he looks near tears. Dude is weird, that's for sure. But he's alright. "So? It's not like I'm slaying a dragon for you or something. I'm just asking a friend if she's seeing anyone."

He looks at me and smiles. I grin, trying to get him to cheer the fuck up or calm the fuck down, whatever. Because I don't know why this boy looks like he's about to cry, but I don't like it.

"Hey Ori."

"What?"

"What color was Stacy's shirt?"

"Pink."

I still grin evilly.

"Oh fuck, it wasn't pink, was it?"

I laugh in response. Orion swears at me and laughs, throwing my pillow at my face.