Review on The Forsaken Girl by KoladeMotirola

A story of a young woman, Jessica Adebowale. Molested by her own brother at a very young age. This story follows the life of Jessica as she learns to love and accept herself.

COVER 📘

Your cover is beautiful, from the background to the font. It was nicely done. The color wasn't too bright that it was begging for attention, it was nice.

TITLE 📘

Your title is nice. It gives your readers an idea on what your story is about before they can even get to the blurb. It's straight to the point and isn't complex. The Forsaken Girl already gives your readers the picture of a girl with a broken past or still living a broken life, it will draw their attention, so nice title choice.

BLURB 📘

Your blurb is nicely detailed. The first paragraph there is enough to keep your readers glued to the screen, because after...

"Stop, this is not right." She said.

Who wouldn't want to know *what wasn't right*. So this was done well. Although it needs to be edited, there were repeating of words and punctuational errors in some area.

PUNCTUATION/GRAMMER 📘

Now, this part is the main problem your book is having. Right from the blurb I saw punctuational errors right from your blurb.

Now your book may be very nice, but you don't want to discourage people from reading it because of the errors found in the blurb. So that is where you should start from, before coming to the book.

*The first punctuational error that was made was not giving space after a comma. I noticed this same thing in your blurb.

As he spoke each word,he moved closer to her.

After a comma, before writing the next word, a space should always be given.

As he spoke each word, he moved closer to her.

*Second one, this is not really a punctuational error, but something I wanted to point out.

~Not giving space after a closing quotation mark. If after a dialogue, you want to add a tag, there should be space after the closing quotation mark.

"Whatever!"She said with a wave of her hand.

"Whatever!" She said with a wave of her hand.

Spacing helps make your work appear neater and avoid confusion.

Other errors spotted were

*forgetting to put your closing quotation mark at some places.

*Putting your period outside the closing quotation.

*Giving space after your opening quotation before writing.

*You should work more on your exclamation point and question mark for clarity.

*Ellipses are only three points (...), when they are more than that, it is something else. And at the point you used your ellipses, short dash (-) would have been better.

~Your grammer was alright, there were few errors here and there that you should correct when editing your book.

And also, when writing in another language, like pidgin or typing a local word, it would be nice to use a different text style

"What are you even saying?! Olodo rapata!" She spat out with anger.

DESCRIPTION 📘

You should sit down on this, when I started reading your book, I have to admit your first paragraph was really nice, with the description and all. But you kinda...well, how do I put this?

You know when you're in a field, running, and at a point you start to slow down and slow down because you are tired. That's how it was, your description was off to a great start at the beginning, but lost it touch later on. You should go back and take an energy boost, don't slow down.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT 📘

For Jessica being, 'The Forsaken Girl". I didn't really get that part from her. I didn't really get to feel Jessica's emotion, you explained a rape scene and to be honest, I didn't feel anything.

My point is you should show the readers more about the emotions and feelings your characters are having, not just telling them. I have read a rape scene where I cried alongside the characters. But the one that happened in chapter two could use a little touch, it would help your readers flow and understand your characters pain more.

Also, you should work more at the scene Hunter and Jessica met. From the AN you wrote at the end of chapter five, I understand that something may go on between Jessica and Hunter. You should try to create an impression on him to your readers. The scene Hunter and Jessica met went on so fast and I didn't really get anything off his character. I even thought he will be one of those come and go characters.

You did a good job with Angel character, I got to like her character, even though she behaves like mumu sometimes.

Also, can you believe I don't hate Karel? Like he was the one that raped Jessica and I haven't felt that hate for him. My point is you should try to make your readers feel what your characters are feeling. Sure, I don't like him because of what he did, but I haven't really felt my dislike for him.

OVERALL IMPRESSION 📘

You kept switching between the first person's point of view and the third person. At places you will write as the narrator and then as Jessica. At the beginning when I first noticed it, I had to check if Jessica was the main character or another person. You should stick to the POV you have chosen for your book and at any point you choose to change it, maybe for a particular scene, you should state this clearly to your readers.

Chapter 2 opened when you showed a flashback, a scene from Jessica's past. I think it would be better if you wrote it in a different text view, so your readers would understand better. You could write it slanted, that's what most books uses for flashbacks. That would be necessary, because if you hadn't put the three dot at the end of the flashback, I would have been really confused and I suspect your readers would be too.

Also, I think you should add more tags after your dialogue.

Not an excerpt

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Just tell me, I won't hold it against you."

"I said it's nothing. Please, drop it."

This could go on as

"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. The look on her face shows she is hiding something.

"Nothing." She said, looking away.

"Just tell me," I urged. "I wouldn't hold it against you."

"I said it's nothing. Please..." She looked at me, begging with her eyes, "drop it."

This isn't an excerpt from your book, just an example. My point is that this tag helps your readers understand what your characters are doing or the way they reacted to a certain thing. And yes, they are not added all the time to dialogues, but are needed, so the conversations between your characters don't look plain and dry.

~I have stated this before your exclamation point were missing at places they should be found. This helps your readers understand the way a character reacted to a particular thing in your book.

This is an excerpt

"Don't raise your voice at me,I am your father."

This should have been written as

"Don't raise your voice at me, I am your father!" He bellowed.

This would help your readers know the emotions or the way Jessica father felt when he made that statement.

~Also, remember, when quoting what someone else has said, you use a single quotation mark.

Excerpt from your book

"Oh yes,he is Mr "my son can not do anything wrong." I mimicked.

This should have been written as

"Oh yes, he is Mister, 'my son cannot do anything wrong'" I mimicked.

You have a really nice book going on and correcting this errors will make it a better book. You have a beautiful story, nice job.

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This review is to help you and nothing more, wishing you the best.