Fightsong44 wanted this and I'm feeling benevolent so you're welcome

Happy Halloween you fucks

EDIT: TW SCARS//SLADE APPRENTICESHIP BUT INTENSE// PANIC ATTACKS

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-a-panic-attack

https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/anxiety-and-panic/how-to-deal-with-panic-attacks

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/panic-attacks/

Scars were a part of being a hero. You were inevitably going to get them either from simply training or from a lovely little torture session. Each scar told a story. It could be a funny or sad one, but there was always a story. Scars were hardly shown in the media and as much as the family of vigilante's known as the batfam wanted to deny it, that made them feel a little weird about their scars. Imperfections were so frowned upon out of the cowl that often they felt the most human when they were counting how many scattered their bodies in the mirror. Dick had long since been a member of the pro scar club in the hero community, being an avid member since the bold age of ten, and as a member, he wasn't going to allow the media to make his family feel bad. Hence scar storytime. It made it normal to have scars from working hard to protect both the city and their loved ones. Only, this later backfired.

Sunday was designated scar storytime due to most of the family eventually showing up at the weekend. They always had it before patrol so they could go out in a good mood and they were getting changed anyway so it was just easier to show people. Steph had finished showing the fading scar on her calve she got from kicking a ninja in the face only to have his sword cut her leg up when it was Dick's turn. At the time, he'd been turned away to mess as he messed with the voltage settings on his escrima sticks and he was shirtless. This put the faint S burn scar he had on the back of his neck on show. "Hey Dick, can I choose yours?" Steph asked innocently. She'd never seen the S before and by the looks of her fellow family members who'd noticed it, they were just as confused by it. It was faint so it definitely wasn't new. The placement was about where the top of a tank top would fall and his suit would definitely cover it up along with any clothes in his closet. 

"Sure! Did you have one in mind?" he replied sweetly.

"Yeah, the S one. Back of your neck. Looks old," she answered. In one sentence, she had the older frozen. They watched as his muscles tensed up and if they weren't mistaken, he shivered ye there was no discernable draft to cause it. He didn't turn around though which was weird. Usually, he'd look at them when he spoke. Then again, he was messing with the voltage and that required his attention. Even so, that didn't feel like a good explanation. His reaction was much too worrying for that. Damian, who everyone suspected had memorised every tell Dick gave when something was up, shuffled a little closer and tried to peak past the older's black bangs to get an idea if he was okay. He already knew of course but he liked the confirmation. He couldn't really see past the hair but he could see the tiny tremble of his brother's hands. 

"Grayson?" he called quietly. 

"Hm?" Dick hummed, snapping his head towards him. 

"Brown asked you a question."

"Oh, right yea the uh the S." He turned around, seemingly realising he was acting weirdly and put on a strained smile. "It's from that one time I was Slade's apprentice. S is uh yknow...for Slade. It was just branded on me but uh yeah." There was a beat of silence as they stared at him and he stared straight through them.

Bruce was the first to say something. "You said it was just mental," he stated firmly. Dick shrugged off the statement, trying to pretend this wasn't a big deal. He hadn't thought about it in ages. Of course, nightmares popped up here and there but that and every other trauma always did. This wasn't anything new. It was just that his reminder was still there. Even after so long it was still there to haunt him. 

"And it was for the most part. Sometimes words aren't as effective as actions. It's nothing though," he played off. 

"Goldie come off it. You look like you've seen a ghost or some shit," Jason pointed out. It was in a sharp tone but they knew there was some affection behind it. He was just violently affectionate. Yeah, that sounded right. Again, Dick shrugged it off. "When was this?"

"Back when I lead the Titans. It only lasted," his sentence trailed off. He seemed to zone out thinking about it but when he zoned back in he just busied himself with the escrima sticks again. "Point is, it's not that bad. The S is from him branding me. I guess it was like a power move. Who knows? It was back when I was like sixteen, it's not that deep."

"It's deep enough," Cass commented. 

"You don't even know how long it was. Surely that's enough to say it's bad if you repressed it that hard," Steph pointed out.

"It wasn't more than two months so forget it. I need to go get a screwdriver," Dick muttered. He walked off with his weapons in hand muttering things to himself. They decided to let him leave. Admittedly, it was a little weird seeing him so worked up. He'd never been so defensive over scars. He was all about telling every story. 

"You knew?" Tim asked Bruce. The older nodded. 

"I knew enough. At least I thought I did. Dick was sleepwalking and let it slip. Explained it all afterwards but he obviously left parts out. Since the Titans were pretty new the press just assumed he was off-world or that he simply didn't want to stick around. No stories were made. The Titans refused to tell me anything and refused to make a single report on it," Bruce explained. He'd learned rather painfully that he had to be honest with his family or he'd suffer the consequences. 

"Must've fucked them all up then," Jason muttered.

"Evidently," Damian concurred. He looked over to the doorway. It felt weird to just leave the older to deal with this. If roles were reversed, Dick would go after them. He'd probably wait a few minutes just to let them cool off then go find them and say some dumb shit that made them feel better somehow. 

"Well I don't know about you guys but I'm much too interested to let him get away with that shitty explanation," Steph announced. There were nods from the rest of the siblings in agreement. "What about you Brucie?"

"Sometimes it's better to leave demons in the dark," he grumbled. "But I know that won't prevent any of you from digging further so leave it till after patrol. I don't his work to be affected."

"Of course, you wouldn't," Jason mumbled under his breath.

They hardly saw any of Nightwing when they went out. He said he wanted to check on Bludhaven and then he wanted to check in the Watchtower just in case. About a hundred excuses later and he got back hours after everyone was supposed to go to bed. Unfortunately, his family were made up of the most stubborn people to exist. He was given a false sense of security when he entered an empty cave and managed to get dressed without anyone sneaking up on him. He got out his phone and decided to call Kori once he was in more comfortable clothes. He needed to hear her voice right now. As he walked up to his room, he filled her in on what happened. "You're going to have to tell them eventually," she told him. 

"I know but why can't it just stay in the past? I mean, who cares? It won't make much of a difference if they didn't know," he argued. 

"Take it as a compliment. This must be your family's way of showing affection. Albeit rather painful for you. On my planet, affection is much more obvious." He chuckled quietly.

"Yea it is here too. I just have a weird family," he replied.

"You said it, not me."

"I guess I'll have to face the music at some point. It'll be even more suspicious if I just leave before they ask. That and they'll just come to our apartment." He opened the door to his bedroom and turned on the light only to get the fright of a lifetime. His brothers and sisters were dotted around the room. He dropped the phone in his hand thanks to the surprise. "What the hell were you doing just sitting in the dark! In my room no less!" he shouted. He bent down to retrieve his phone and told Kori goodbye before hanging up. This needed his immediate attention. 

"You didn't think we'd let you get away with not telling us what happened, right?" Steph stated. 

"No I didn't but I also didn't think you're all going to have a get together in my room," he snapped. "Can't this wait till morning?"

"It could but it won't," Damian said sternly. "You only have yourself to blame. If you'd explained yourself beforehand, we wouldn't be here now."

"Oh, I'm sorry that dragging up trauma isn't how I want to spend my very limited family time." He went to his bed and plugged in his phone to charge it. Mostly so he could keep his eyes on anything other than the beady eyes of his siblings.

"So?" Cass prompted. 

"So I was Slade's apprentice for a bit and then I got out. End of."

"Don't play dumb. You kept details hidden from B so shit went down," Jason pointed out.

It took a few moments before Dick spoke. "I try not to remember. Always makes me feel...tainted?" He wasn't very loud, it was almost like he was whispering in fear of the world hearing him admit such a thing, but they heard him clearly. No one made a comment on it though. It didn't feel right to. Dick was building up to explain more and the wrong thing might make him stop. "I was sixteen and Slade was like my Joker. Every victory I had against him could make my year but then every loss felt like I wasn't good enough. Made me think perhaps B was right to keep me as a sidekick." He fiddled with the wire of his phone charger. Sometimes it didn't work but he refused to throw it away until it didn't work at all. Something his mum had always taught him so they didn't waste things. Now it seemed rather silly considering he could ask Bruce for a new one but habits were habits. "The whole thing started because he was a few steps ahead. He gave the Titans nanobots that would kill them and if I didn't work with him, they'd die. Naturally, I agreed to do what he wanted. The threat of them dying and me not having a plan ready immediately left doing as he said as my only option." He peeled off some of the rubber and used his nail to scrape off the dirt. Tim cringed. He never liked that but he wasn't about to say it now. "I thought I was smart. Fuck, I was on the highest horse of my life. Thought I knew all the loopholes, thought I knew everything." His nail indented the rubber as his grip tightened. Dick knew he was angry. He just didn't know what at. It was a deadly cocktail of hating Slade and being frustrated that he was so stupid. Too young maybe? No. Too proud. Too in need of power, control, recognition and whatever fell in between. "So I'm Slade's apprentice and he'd let me have some free time locked in this room. Guess he was doing something more important. I started getting a schedule down for when he left and when he came back. Up until then, I was just trained and y'know reminded my friends could die if I did something wrong and that I'll never be saved. Typical stuff." He went quiet when his phone buzzed. He glanced at it, winced, typed something and then looked back to the banged-up charger. "Found a vent in the room. I thought fuck it, might as well try to find out more about the nanobots. Maybe it would lead somewhere? Maybe I could tell the Titans what was happening. I just didn't want to sit there like some-some maiden waiting for a prince to come. So I'm crawling around and suddenly I feel something around my ankle. I look back and there's a hand and-and Slade is there so he pulls me down. He-he drags me into the room and I'm tryna escape but I hadn't eaten in so long that-that I was weak and I-I was trying I just..." Cass put her hand on top of his and interlocked their fingers. He turned to look at her hand, avoiding eye contact at all times. 

"Dick, it's okay. We trust that you did what you could," Steph told him.

"I know."

"Do you?" Cass asked. He nodded slowly. Clearly, he wasn't convinced. "Carry on."

"He dragged me into the room. I thought shit he's gonna kill my friends and he'll make me w-watch it all. Typical right? I get a family and it's taken. Funny how it keeps happening." None of them missed his eyes glazing over. The silence was uncomfortably long before he found the strength to continue talking. "H-he says to me some dumb shit. Waffles on about me being stubborn. Says threats are no good without action. I-I kick and sh-shout- tried to get him to stop. I promise never to do it again. I-I tried everything. I thought he was going to kill them." He let out a shaky breath. "He wasn't. Said it was too early for that." He gulped. "That was the first time I was in that room. It was dark. No windows. Cold too. Couldn't really see much of it. I'm thrown and-and I think he ties me up? Something keeps my hands and feet together. C-couldn't move." Dick's hands balled up into fists and there was a noticeable shake to his frame. Like he was still feeling the cold wrapping around him. "He leaves. Don't know how long for. I-I don't remember half of it. Flashes of it. Screaming." He felt sick to his stomach. "My mem-memory cuts back in later b-but I guess S-Slade liked this new approach. S-So he uh he started doing th-things like that more. Don't...don't remember." He never wanted to think about it let alone tell anyone what happened. He'd told the story in full once in his life and that was to the Titans. They'd forced him to. Guilt tripped him into spilling the beans. After that, they agreed never to retell it. Bruce had asked of course but he'd been told half the story. Not the full thing. Dick felt like he was back in his room at the Tower. Sitting there in the dark. He'd stare at his hands for hours, his eyes tracing every little detail of them. Tears would drip onto them as they escaped his eyes. He'd break down once he was sure he was alone and no one would hear. They couldn't hear. He was their leader and leaders never cried. That's what Bruce taught him. Taught him to never feel anything. That was the enemy winning. The enemy won when you got scared at that shadow that moved just that little too fast, when you cried about what happened and when the event affected your life in any way. Dick tried, God did he try, but it still scared him. Whenever he thought about it, he'd feel that pit in his stomach and the sense that everything was suddenly wrong. Suddenly tainted. 

"Richard breathe!" Dick looked up to find Jason in front of him. He was staring at him with a worried expression, his grip on the older's shoulders tight. Vice like. The older took a few moments to process it. His breathing was fast. So fast that it was making his chest ache. His face felt wet? Not from sweat. No, something different. Tears sounded right. He tried to take a deep breath but choked on it in panic. His hands flew up to grab onto his brother's arms, almost as a silent cry for help. A plea for comfort so he could stop feeling like this. Jason seemed to hear the silent cry and knelt down so he was less menacing. Either he ignored the plea for comfort or he simply didn't see it as he continued in his stern voice. Dick didn't like that. He hated that voice. Slade's voice had been stern. "Like this Goldie. See? Deep breath in then out." Jason exaggerated his breathing so the other could get an idea of what to do. Dick nodded and tried to copy him, his hold tightening whenever his breath hitched or he didn't quite get enough air. 

"You're alright. You just got caught up in it, didn't you? Gave yourself a right fright," Steph pitched in, hoping to do her bit to help even if it was from afar.

"Should I tell Father?" Damian inquired.

"What's that guy gonna do? Intimidate the trauma out of him?" he replied. The younger shrugged. "Dickiebird? You back yet?"

"I-I don't...no talk," he mumbled back desperately.

"You don't have to. You've said enough," Steph assured him, putting her hand on his back and rubbing circles to ease him through. He didn't relax. Instead, he somehow got even more rigid. He didn't know how to tell them what he wanted. He hardly had the breath to. There was one person who knew what to do and she was a call away. He just had to say it. He squeezed his eyes closed as he tried to gulp down enough air to say it. 

"Kori. Want Kori," Dick stated shakily. Steph nodded and reached over to grab his phone. She quickly typed in his password - Damian's birthday - and went onto his contacts. It looked like the alien had been worried by his response of a happy emoji to her asking if he was okay. She explained the situation and told her to get to the Manor ASAP. Within a few seconds, Kori said she was on her way. 

"She's coming here now. You're stuck with us for the time being." He whined at that. Clearly, he wanted her right this second. 

"Concentrate on breathing okay? It's picking up again," Jason ordered.

"I'll wait in the Cave for Kori-"

"Don't pussy out of this Replacement. She knows the house, she can get to his room just fine."

"I don't like seeing him like this so excuse me from wanting to leave," Tim snapped.

"Are you really so stupid that you think we don't feel the same?" Damian hissed. 

"Stay out of it brat."

"Don't call him a brat, you'll only get your ass kicked," Steph pointed out.

"Oh, so you're on his side?"

"I needn't have Brown on my side. I'm perfectly capable of showing my point of view myself."

"Fuck off Damian, she's tryna agree with you," Jason spat. 

"Stop it all of you," Cass demanded. They fell silent. When Cass demanded something, you did it. Even Bruce, the most stubborn man alive, would pause to hear her out if she demanded the floor. She brushed off Jason's hands and wrapped Dick up in a hug. This seemed to be some sort of secret remedy as he relaxed and almost managed to catch the breath that was running so far away from him. "He's soft. He needs soft approaches. Idiots," she stated. His shirt slipped down his shoulders a little to reveal the bruises slowly forming from how hard Jason was holding onto him.

"Oops?" Cass hummed, narrowing her eyes at the anti-hero. She petted Dick's unruly black curls and let him press himself against her. His ear was pressed against her chest, presumably to listen to her heartbeat. "Huh, well will you look at that? Guess not all people take well to the command approach."

"I mean, it's kinda obvious. Dick is cuddly so cuddles fix everything right?" Steph pointed out.

"Not everything," Dick croaked. There's a gaunt look to him. Like he wasn't really there. He was simply talking through the body but he wasn't in it. 

None of them felt good about this. They'd forced him to speak when he obviously wasn't ready. How did he manage to get them to open up without driving them to breaking point? What secret power did he have that made it so easy to spill their guts? None of them possessed that power. That was obvious. They all sort of froze where they were. The only sound that filled the room was Dick panting as he tried to get as much air as he could before something like this happened again. He whined occasionally. A wordless desperate call for someone to make it easier. Cass shushed him and squeezed her arms around him so he knew she was there. He didn't want her though. He wanted his girlfriend that towered over him and carried him bridal style whenever he was the slightest bit hurt. He could get a paper cut and she'd demand to carry him everywhere. He wanted her now. Why couldn't she teleport? Why couldn't she run faster than the speed of light? "Wilson remains alive yes?" Damian asked suddenly. Dick shrugged. He kept to Bludhaven. There were very few times the mercenary strolled into his neck of the woods and he didn't go looking for the older. He didn't want to see him again. "Interesting."

"Don't," was all Dick could manage. He hadn't had an attack that bad in a long time. Probably not since he last told the full story. His body was begging him to relax and fall into a deep sleep but no. He had to wait for Kori. She promised to keep him safe from Slade. He'd felt safe in her arms ever since. He wanted to feel safe with his family, he really did, but they weren't there when it happened. They didn't know how bad it really was. 

"Why not?"

"Not worth it," he muttered hoarsely. Damian hummed. He'd put a pin in it for now. 

Suddenly, the door to Dick's bedroom flung open and Kori ran in. She immediately locked eyes with her boyfriend who moved away from Cass and made held out his arms for the ginger. She picked him up in an instant and he snuggled into her chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her neck as he was held bridal style. Just the way he liked it. She placed a small kiss on his forehead and whispered something none of them could make out. "Sorry about uh giving your boyfriend a panic attack," Tim apologised, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Kori towered over him and gave him a stone-cold glare. It was nothing compared to a Batglare but it still made him feel like he was going to be grounded till next year. She moved past them and grabbed Dick's phone and his charger. 

"He's coming home with me. You've all done enough work for one night," she replied sternly. "I thought you'd at least give him some time. Perhaps I thought too highly of you."

"Kori," Dick whined. He gave her that look. One that said she was being too protective. His family had been well-meaning, they just didn't do emotions too well. She hushed him gently. "Home?"

"Yeah, I'm taking you home," she said softly, gaining a tiny smile. She turned to the group of bats with all the softness in her features now being drained. "I don't want any of you visiting until I say so. I won't let you put him in that place again," she announced before storming out. They all stared at the empty doorway for a while. Who would've thought Bruce would be right? Sometimes it's better to leave demons in the dark.