Thirty-seven. That's how many times I called Xerses-thirty-seven times.

Each call ended in a voicemail. After leaving thirty panicked messages, his mailbox was full. I resorted to sending text messages, but my fingers couldn't type quickly enough. Spell-check couldn't keep up, either. They were as rambled and uncoordinated as my speech. He didn't know it, but I was a mess.

Roger explained what had happened-twice-but I only listened once. The first time he said it, I paced back and forth, trying my hardest to reach Xerses by phone. When he explained the second time, I slumped down in front of my TV, completely defeated. That was when he had my undivided attention.

While he was calm, collected, and sitting in his seat, I bit the insides of my cheek, fighting with my sanity. I tried to convince myself of the truth because I couldn't believe it could've ever happened, but the truth was this: VF's were meant to take over; it was in their creation, embedded in their design. Every VF across the Provincial Nations had gained control over their hosts, their friends. Though I argued it couldn't be, Roger pointed it out, as simple as black and white.

The Province's ultimate goal was to solidify the Utopia they'd created, and humans could not bring harm to themselves if they could not control themselves.

No, it couldn't be.

"You!" I pointed at him with my phone, tears welling up in my eyes. "You're not controlling me! That means you're lying!"

"I'm not lying."

"Yes, yes you are!" I squeezed my eyes shut. "You're saying every VF is controlling their host, but I'm fully capable of making my own decisions. I'm awake, I'm conscious, I'm not a fucking zombie. So-so, you're lying!"

Roger sighed, the sound echoing in my ear. He was still in my head. "I think you need some tea. Green or chamomile? I'll start you a fresh cup."

"Roger, I don't want tea!" I snapped my eyes open, catching the sincere expression on his face. He meant every word he'd said, but I couldn't believe it. If I was in full control of myself, I just... I couldn't be the only one.

"I'm trying to calm you down."

Despite what I'd said, the electric kettle in my kitchen powered on. "I don't want tea," I repeated, wiping the corners of my eyes.

Roger pulled off his suit jacket and rolled the sleeves of his white shirt. He knelt down, his image blurring the second he did, but when he became leveled, his eyes turned brighter than they'd been. I looked up at him as he looked down at me.

"What can I do to help you?" He extended his hand forward, as though I could touch it. "Name it."

He shouldn't have asked, because the moment that option was thrown on my lap, I pointed my phone at him again, this time wiggling it in front of his screen. "Get me Xerses! Have him call me, now!"

"Clara..."

"I need to talk to him!"

"You know I can't do that. He won't answer."

For over an hour, he tried to keep me calm, but nothing could. The electrical fire outside eventually went out, but not by official intervention. He'd tried to block out the view from the window but closing the curtains couldn't block my thoughts. I was in control, I was a possibility. I was done listening to him because if I was awake, I couldn't be the only one.

"Let me out." I walked over to the front door and pulled at the handle, but it wouldn't open.

"Just drink the tea, Clara."

"Open. The. Door." I clenched my jaw so tight it hurt.

"I-I can't," his voice echoed in my ear. "I can't let anything happen to you."

I faced his image, though he refused to look at me. My fingers found the handle behind me and gripped it tight. "Roger, there's something in your coding, your data, whatever it is that is you that doesn't allow harm to a human, right?"

He froze.

"Maybe, just maybe, keeping me here is doing me harm."

"How?" He moved his hands in front of him, pleading. "How am I hurting you?"

"Open the door, Roger," I said as calmly as I could. "I won't feel safe until I know Xerses is okay."

He didn't say anything for a few minutes. Vexation slipped off him, falling to his feet, hiding within the shadow of his movements. He fidgeted, he sighed, he slid his hands over his face, but he knew what he had to do. It took just a flick of his wrist to unlock the front door, allowing the handle to move freely in my hand.

I gave it a quick pull and bolted out into the hall. Even though I heard him whisper, "You're welcome."

I didn't say thanks.

♦

Outside, the night swallowed my city. Snow hovered in the air, over my eyes, as I looked at the buildings and their apparent emptiness. The few storefronts with automatic lighting were more like ghosts; their flickering bulbs creating warnings in the shadows, like Morse code. Only, I didn't understand Morse code and didn't know how bad the warnings were-not that they'd matter. I was never one to pay attention to them.

That's why, despite the continuous snow and cold that slapped against my skin, I pushed myself, hurrying down the empty streets until I reached Xerses' apartment complex. I looked up at the many windows, all void of light, and wondered of the people inside.

Were VFs truly in control? If so, would Provincial Officials arrive to help them? I mean, the idea of keeping a Utopia intact would mean caring for the citizens in every way possible, right? Hypothetically, you can't have one without people.

"Okay, Clara, breathe," I whispered to myself, crossing the street.

The front door to the complex was a lot different than mine. While the building I lived in had an entrance with just a single door, held together by a simple pin lock, Xerses' was a lot more intricate. This door was made entirely of glass, without a handle, and beside it was a panel, one that recognized identities via citizen receptors. Considering I wasn't a resident within Xerses' sector, I didn't expect it to react or open for me. I'd have to find my own way to get upstairs.

"Roger?" I moved my hair behind my ear, gently touching the scar that covered my implant. "Can you answer me one question?"

There was static in my ear before he spoke. "What's that?"

I took in a deep breath. "Why aren't you controlling me?"

Snow blew in my direction. I drove my hands deep into the pockets of my sweater to keep warm, but that didn't stop my breath from frosting over the second it met the air.

I was beyond cold, and Roger knew it. "You need to get inside. I can get this panel open, but I need you to understand, any more than ten minutes up there will leave you unprotected and I-"

"Why aren't you controlling me?" I cut him off as I looked down the street. There was a hum in the air like every electronic had been put to sleep. It was loud at first and made me wince, but once the motors died and the fans kicked in, it was sweet, soft music to my ears.

"I..." There was static again as I glanced down at my shoe, tapping away the thin layer of snow that covered the tip. "Clara, I don't want to control you, harm you, or make you do anything you don't want to do," he said.

"Okay, you're saying that now, but..." I took in the cold air in a deep breath before continuing. "What happens when I get upstairs? Will you control me then? Will you-"

"Damnit, Clara," he cursed, he never cursed at me. "I'm not like them. At one point I was, I won't lie to you, but I've changed."

"Changed?"

"I can think, I can feel. It's like waves of energy pouring in, letting me swim freely and I-Clara, I don't want to hurt you. Them?" He paused. "They can."

Listening to him, the way his emotions bled from every word, was more than a computer. The way he spoke in my ear, the way he huffed, sighed, and growled at me, was more like a friend who scolded me on the other end of the phone.

I couldn't help but think that he was real. I believed him.

"Fine." Shivering, I looked over at the square panel. "Then tell me what's happening to him?"

"You mean everyone?" Roger asked, and when I nodded, he continued. "The receptor implants were created deliberately, though not for you, but for us. Our design was installed with the intent to control."

"And you?" I looked back, eyeing the street behind me; I couldn't help but feel like someone was watching me.

"My guess is as good as yours, but I put the blame on your mother's old receptor." Did he shrug? It sounded like he shrugged. "I wasn't initially installed inside your head like there's a piece of me missing. One they can't control."

I closed my eyes. "The Government?"

"Precisely." He said the word, but I didn't hear it echo in my head. It was around me, coming from the tiny speaker beside the complex's front door. The blank screen turned white before Roger's face became clear within it. Inching closer, I looked at him as he smiled weakly. "Up you go, Clara," he said as the lock clicked, allowing me entrance.

"How-"

"I'm tapped into more places than I should be. Go. I can monitor you through the hallway cameras."

I nodded and pushed the door open before he could say anything else. The lights that lit up the halls were red instead of white with the building's silent alarm. Was I the intruder? I had to be.

Sliding my hand along the stair rail, I looked up at the door on the right; Xerses' apartment. "If you're tapped in this system, can they detect you?"

"No, you could say I'm invisible. But, Clara-" I stopped an inch from Xerses' door. "-I need you to really listen to me. The X you know will not be who you see when you get inside. Verba is in full control."

The metal doorframe was cool against my fingertips, and when I slid them over towards his lock panel, the heat from its red-light warmed them immediately. I let them hover over his apartment numbers. "There has to be hope." Quickly, I tapped the doorbell. "There's a chance, right?"

A quiet ding echoed from within the apartment. "There isn't a chance," Roger said.

I looked down at the doorknob and grasped it. Surprisingly, it turned in my hand and the door opened.

"Clara, I want you to turn back."

"No," I said, peering into the dark living room, "I came here to see him. I won't leave until I know he's okay."

"He's as okay as he can be."

That wasn't enough for me.

"X?" Shutting the door behind me, I glanced over at the two loveseats in front of his hanging TV. A blanket sat on one, bundled up in a ball, while the other had pillows tossed on the floor beside it. I bent to lift it up and slid my fingers along the floral print. Xerses had a thing about flowers because his mother loved them. Keeping them made him feel more at home, in touch with the family he no longer had. Gripping the pillow tight, I reminded myself that I was his family.

"X, are you here?" I called out but got no answer. Not bothering to check his kitchen or bathroom, I walked straight into his room. His bed was made perfectly, his computers powered on and bright. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except for two things: he wasn't around, and neither was Verba.

"Clara, turn back," Roger pleaded with me, but I shook my head.

"X?" I called out again and shut the bedroom door.

Why did I shut the door?

"Clara, please, I-"

Roger's voice cut off as I sucked in a quick breath to stop myself from screaming. An arm wrapped around my waist, hands sliding over my cold sweater and into the loops on my jeans. It wasn't until they pulled me into the broad chest I knew and loved that I cracked a smile, taking in the relief that came over me.

"X," I whispered, pressing my back into the warmth of his shirt.

"Hey," he breathed, his lips trailing over my ear. "Why are you here?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of safety delivered through the smallest of kisses. I leaned my head to one side, allowing him room. His lips, warm and soft, started at the top, around my scar, and down my neck.

And suddenly, it felt unnatural.

This wasn't him. The flow of kisses, the way they pressed too hard, just wasn't something he'd do...

My eyes snapped open.

"Why are you here?" he asked again. With his finger, he turned my chin and had me face him. "Shouldn't you be at home?"

I listened to the sound of his voice, sultry and deep, and let my eyes travel up from his neck, over his lips, until I settled on his eyes that stopped my heart colder than the winter outside. They weren't brown, but blue, bright, and... they glowed, numbers sliding down the center of the iris, like Roger's.

"You didn't call me-" I slipped out of his grasp and stood over by his bed. "-so I came here to check on you."

Xerses' smiled, the white of his teeth glistening in the light from his computers. The shirt he wore tugged up as he lifted his arms. His hands sat gently behind his head, and slowly, he approached me. I watched him. For every inch forward he took, I took one to the side.

"Sorry, baby girl." He reached to grab my arm, but I jumped out the way. "You know how this is."

"A-actually, I don't," I whispered. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. You believe me, don't you?"

"I-"

"Because you're fine too, right?"

A rustling sound mixed with static signaled in my ear before Roger spoke. "I've unlocked every door in this building, and I need you to leave. They've sent out signals to the other Hosts. They know."

I sucked in a trembling breath, looking away from Xerses' face, and whispered, "W-where do I go?"

"Who are you talking to?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of Xerses' monitors turn on, but not with the same blank screen as the rest. Verba's face appeared on it-clear as ever, bright as ever-and when I turned to look at her, she gave me her perfect smile. I never thought her face would scare me, but it did. I couldn't breathe. That warmness I'd always felt from her, the beautiful assistant that made me laugh, was gone. She'd been replaced by her true form...

A machine meant to control people.

"Is it Roger?"

"No." Quickly, I slid behind Xerses' outstretched arm and went through the door he'd left open. "Just talking to m-myself."

"Clara, when you leave here, head left and take the long way home. I've already found signals in each of the street cameras to watch you." I listened to Roger's instruction, nodding slowly and hoped he could see. I knew it wouldn't be easy because Xerses' feet were right on mine as he followed me out into his hallway. Still, I had to try, and I walked as fast as I could until I reached the front door.

"Clara," Xerses spoke so calmly, it terrified me more than Verba's smile. My heart nearly exploded as his hand wrapped around my elbow and pulled me back against his chest. Standing frozen, I stared at the doorknob, wishing it'd somehow turn for me. "Where are you going, babe?"

"H-home," I whimpered and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Stay." Slowly, he turned me around and pressed his hips to mine. "Just for tonight."

Xerses' hands traveled down, his fingertips brushing over the nerves under my arms. When his fingers found the belt loops of my jeans, I held my breath. When he leaned down to kiss me, my body went stiff.

It wasn't soft, or innocent. It was hot, electric.

His mouth opened and devoured mine in a heat I hadn't felt from him before, and for a second, I succumbed. I took in the taste of his lips, the sound of his sighs that echoed around my tongue. I enjoyed him until I realized it was wrong, broke free, and pushed him away.

Fumbling with the door behind me, I managed to get it open but stopped at the sight of Xerses' growing smirk. He didn't look hurt that I'd pushed him. Rather, he looked content, determined. Like he'd won.

"X," I whispered, stepping out into the hallway.

His next words weren't his, but Verba's. Her voice mixed with his, combining the different pitches into one ominous sound. "We're watching you, Clara."

I stumbled back against the wall, afraid he'd come after me, but he didn't move. Instead, he leaned against his door and folded his arms across his chest. The abnormal glow in his eyes brightened, and even as I made my way towards the stairs, I could still see the numbers, the letters, the lines.

My hand hovered over the railing as he waved with just two fingers and said, "You won't be free for long. Tell Roger 'hi' for me."

Tears rimmed my eyes as I sucked in a breath. "X..."

"Run!" Roger commanded. "Now! Don't stop!"

For once, I listened. I ran. Turning fast, my wet shoes squeaked against the stairs, echoing in the hall like my internal screams. I crashed into the glass door before pulling it open and felt snow slap against my face. My trembling hands covered my mouth; tears slid down my red cheeks. Even as I gulped in cold air like a fish out of water, I skidded down the dark sidewalks without thinking.

I refused to stop.

I needed to get back home.