CHAPTER SIXTEEN
'AM I FORGIVEN?'

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FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND, TENSIONS WERE HIGH BETWEEN ROGER AND MYSELF. Being at home was unbearable when we weren't speaking to each other - and when we did it usually ended in another argument. This was exactly what I was hoping to avoid; disputes which would really push our tolerance for one another to the limit, and threaten the possibility of one of us, whoever crumbled first, to walk out.

As much as I wanted to kick the drummer onto the street after Friday night, I knew that I couldn't. Finacial issues were no longer a worry. Sharing the cost of bills really took the weight off my shoulders, and if Roger left, things would inevitably revert back to the way they were before - I couldn't go there again. So the way I saw it was as long as he played his cards right from now on, and didn't do anything else absurd, we'd be fine. I hoped.

Right now I was in my bedroom sitting at my desk staring down at my Chemistry notes, praying to God some of what I was reading was actually going in. Tapping the end of pencil I was holding against my head, I sighed deeply as nothing seemed to make any sense to me. Who am I kidding? I thought to myself, I have a better chance of winning the lottery than passing my exams this year.

After more attempts at understanding a bunch of diagrams, complex equations and mentally straining myself in the process, I soon reached the point where I was on the verge of having a breakdown so, dropping my pencil, I found my head using the desk as a pillow and the rest of my body sitting at it virtually lifeless, as I stared blankly at the wall next to me. Oh, how I wished that I could drop out of university, go to art school and never have to listen to Professor Nichols droning ever again; I knew I'd be a hell of a lot happier if I did. If only it were that simple...

As I sat there lost in my thoughts, my eyes landed on the scrap of paper which had been sitting on my desk since Friday night - the scrap of paper with Colin's number on it. I picked up the ripped off ticket and held it between my fingers.

I hadn't worked up the courage to call him yet, and to be honest, after what Brian had told me on the way home from the concert, I was rather reluctant to. I know I was pretty short with him in the car and didn't believe what he was telling me, but once I was sober, I knew that Brian wouldn't lie to me; not about something like that. It shocked me a bit, when he told me Colin wasn't exactly as clean cut as I thought he was. Maybe I was an idiot for falling for someone before even getting to know them, or maybe I was an idiot for thinking anything in my life could be straightforward and unproblematic?

Either way, I needed to seriously reevaluate things before I picked up the phone and even thought about calling his number, that was for sure...

Anyway, still frowning at the piece of paper, I heard a faint knocking on the other side of my bedroom door. Not that I didn't know who it was.

'Come in.' I said just loudly enough for the drummer to hear, whilst throwing the piece of paper inside a drawer and quickly shutting it. The door opened and Roger stepped warily into the room, looking at me but not quite meeting my gaze.

'Dinner's ready if you want to come down.' he told me.

'Sure...I'll be there in a minute.'

Simply nodding in reply, the blonde turned around and was about to walk out the door, but I quickly stopped him before he could.

'Rog?'

'Yeah?'

Opening my mouth to speak, I closed it again when no words came out and simply gestured for him to sit down on the edge of the bed, opposite the desk. He looked at me slightly confused but did as requested, and once he was sat down, I turned my chair around to face him. Giving each other the cold shoulder had to stop.

'Look, I don't want things to be edgy between us, alright?' I admitted.

Roger nodded, 'Me neither.'

'I'll be honest, I was seriously pissed off with you before. Hell, I still am to an extent. But...I don't want to hold grudges. I can't be arsed with it.'

'I agree,' Roger replied. He then looked me in the eye for the first time all weekend, 'I really am sorry for going behind your back and ignoring what you said, Heidi. You're right, this is your house, your rules; I need to respect that. I obviously just enjoy pushing my luck...and winding you up.'

I chuckled lightly, 'Yeah, I figured that one out a while ago.'

Roger gave me a small smile, 'Well, I should have known better, especially when our relationship is as treacherous as it is already,' before it slowly faded away, 'It's hardly surprising that you don't trust me, is it?'

My smile also disappeared, as an overwhelming feeling of guilt came over me.

I sighed, 'Roger, I do trust you. I said that in the heat of the moment; I didn't really mean it. But I do want us to get along, which means no more sneaking about. Have as many people over if you want; I haven't got a problem with that. But, mind and tell me first, please? No more unpleasant surprises.'

'Like coming home to 50 people invading your house?' Roger smirked.

'Yes, exactly like that,' I smiled.

There was a short silence between us, as we both looked awkwardly at the floor.

'So,' the drummer started, gazing at me with hopeful eyes, 'Does this mean I'm forgiven?'

'Well...' I pretended to be in deep thought, 'I suppose because you're so sorry, I could let it slide...just this once.'

Roger beamed happily, 'You're a star, do y'know that.'

'Flattery isn't going to change the fact you're dishwashing for the next fornight.' I told him with an eyebrow raised.

'I can live with that,' the blonde chuckled, before getting off the bed, 'You coming downstairs for dinner then?'

'Of course I am. Anything to get out of studying.' I exasperated as we left the room.

'Y'know, I did A-Level Chemistry in school,' Roger informed me as we descended the stairs, 'I could help you with anything you're stuck on if you like?'

'Roger, an honours degree is a bit more advanced than an A-Level.'

'Yeah, and?' he shrugged, 'It couldn't hurt to try, right? Think of it as a way to make it up to you.'

Sighing, I nodded hesitantly and said, 'Alright, fine, you can help if you want. But don't be surprised if you can't make anything of it. Brian couldn't and he's doing a PhD.'

But, despite my doubts, Roger's knowledge actually helped me a lot. After dinner, I brought my Chemistry stuff downstairs to the living room, where we sat for at least two hours going through my work together. Roger figured stuff out quickly and suggested things I never even thought of; he was much smarter than I gave him credit for. However, halfway through our little study session, the phone went, so I put my books down and went through to the hallway to answer it.

'Hello?'

'Heidi? Hey, it's Colin.'

I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach, 'Oh, hi Colin...' I said quietly, not wanting Roger to overhear me, 'H-how are you?'

'Aye, nae bad. Yourself?'

'Yeah, f-fine.' I replied nervously. God, could I not go one sentence without stuttering when I talked to him?

'Listen, uh, I called because I was wondering if you'd like to go for that drink we didn't get to have after the concert. Tomorrow night, perhaps?'

I went silent on the end of the phone. What on earth was I going to say? Of course I wanted to go for a drink with him, but after that heated conversation with Brian the other night I wasn't sure if that was a good idea anymore. If I had any sense I'd make the sensible choice and make up an excuse for why I couldn't. But despite the fact my head was saying no, my heart was saying yes.

'Heidi? You there?'

Colin's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, 'Sorry, yeah, I'm here.'

'Ah, good,' he chuckled, 'So, what do you say to that drink?'

I bit my lip nervously, trying to come to a conclusion. And then, without properly thinking about it, the answer suddenly slipped out, 'Yes. Yes, I'd like that.'

What did I just do?

'Cool,' I could tell Colin was smiling, '8 o'clock at The Bulldog?'

'Sure, I'll be there.' I told him.

'Great. Have a nice night, Heidi.'

'Thanks. You too.'

And with that, I put the phone down, standing there for a second, before returning to the living room. I sat down next Roger, who gave me a quizzical look.

'Who was that?' he asked.

My nervous eyes met with his, 'Oh, nobody...just...my mother. Checking up on me, as usual.'

'Hm, mothers, eh? Always fretting about their kids no matter what age they are.' Roger stated.

Smiling and nodding in agreement, the two of us went back to what we were doing, although concentrating was difficult as my frantic thoughts whirled about in my head. I hoped that I wouldn't live to regret my decision...

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