"Are you sure you're okay?" Will asked as we walked back up to our apartment, hand in hand. 

"Yeah, It was honestly really sweet. I had to keep most my emotions in, like the ones that got mad at my father, but it was honestly really nice to remember," I smiled. I leaned on Will for half a second before bouncing back. 

"O-Okay," He smiled down at me.

I let out a sigh. "Also," I laugh. "The alcohol helpt,"

We just laughed as we unlocked the door to our apartment. I put the key on the side table. Will walked down and flopped down on the couch. It was around 12 now and he should really get some sleep soon. 

I walked into the kitchen and put a load of dishes in the dishwasher. When I walked back, I was going to make sure Will went to bed, but instead, he was already asleep. I threw a blanket over him, kissed the top of his head, and walked over to my room.

I took off my jeans and shirt. I kicked off my shoes and socks before sliding into bed. I laid there for at least an hour, my mind running wild, before I realized I wasn't going to be able to go to sleep. No matter how bad I wanted to because I had to meet Hazel tomorrow, I just couldn't.

It was a picture. I had many pictures of my dad. This one shouldn't bother me. Maybe it was the cousins' thing. Maybe I couldn't stop thinking about if they knew where Hades was. What if he was only like a state away? Somewhere in Pennsylvania or something?

I realized I wasn't going to be getting any sleep and got out of bed. I slid on long and soft pajama pants. I then proceeded to put on a dark blue tank top. After opening my door quietly, I found a softly snoring Will on the couch. I smiled at the sight. I remembered the dishes I had put in earlier and put them away.

I shouldn't have gone in the kitchen. Want to know why? I pulled out a damn cookbook. That's why. I started looking at the pictures of us just having fun, baking things. My dad looked so happy. He broke. He broke and that broke me. What if he was fixed. I wasn't as bad as I was. What if he was better now? Somewhere, starting a new family, with the same glint in his eye?

I had always imagined my dad now as a sad, homeless, bum. Seeing these pictures made me realize, he could get better. Everything that broke, got better, eventually.

He could be better. He could have found himself a Will. He could have found that sunshine-ie person, who helped put him back together. I knew I wasn't what had broke him. It was my mothers dead, then my sisters, I was the reminder of what happened. That's probably why he left. I was the reminder, and having a constant reminder there makes it harder to heal.

I began to let silent sobs escape. No more tears. I tried telling myself over and over again but I couldn't. I put one hand over my mouth so muffle the little noises that would come out. I didn't want to wake Will up, again.

With one hand covering my mouth, I began to put up everything I pulled out, mainly cookbooks. I walked over to the bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. I put my hands on the edge of the sink. I took in every detail of my face.

I was the reminder. He left to get better. I was just a constant reminder. 

Not only was a constant reminder to him...(AN: Trigger Warning: Self Harm)

I was a constant reminder to myself. I needed to leave. I needed to go. It would make everything better. Maybe Will would be sad for a few days, maybe a week or two, but it would be for the best.

Hazel, I loved Hazel, but she didn't know me, I sugar coated some of the stories for her, she doesn't deserve to have my baggage all around her.

Annabeth and Jason, they would get over it. They'd probably be glad they no longer had to take care of me anymore.

I searched through the drawers. Tears were streaming down my face. I found the blade. I blade I hadn't used in so long. I wasn't even sure why I still had it. Maybe, subconsciously, I always knew this was what had to be done.

I placed the blade to my wrist, looking at the scars I had left years ago. I looked at the deepest, most prominent one. Vertically along my wrist, halfway to my elbow, was a white scar. It was a reminder of how I failed to kill myself. 

The cool surface of the blade made more tears flow from my eyes. I went to cut but something stopped me. Something had stopped me from pressing the blade deep into my skin and cutting. I wasn't sure what. I let out a shaky breath.

This is what had to be done. I repositioned the blade and cut. The blood started dripping out. My body slides down the wall onto the floor. I grabbed the blade with my cut hand. I needed to get this done. I took a shaky hand to my other arm, one with the same amount of scar, minus a vertical one.

My hand was shaky wildy, then I heard a knock on the door.

"Nico?" I heard a voice ask. I knew immediately it was Will. 

"Y-Yeah," I managed to say, my voice shaky. I heard the doorknob shake.

"Are you okay?"

I was silent for a moment. I wasn't okay. I didn't want to worry him. I didn't want him to see this. I was about to say something, when I heard the doorknob shake again.

"N-Nico! Open the door! Please, Nico, tell me you're okay! Please, Nico?" The doorknob was shaking frantically and the door was moving.

"W-Will, g-go, please, I need to, I need to do this," I say, knowing he already knows what I've done.

"NO! No, you don't, Nico please, if you do not open this door, I swear to the gods, I will break it down, Nico, please, don't do this, please," his tone was soft and caring, but extremely serious.

"I-If I do, y-you can't get m-mad,"

"Nico, just let me in," I heard him slide down the door. With a shaky hand, I unlocked the door. Will was shaking and his eyes were red and puffy. He had tears gathering in his eyes. When his gaze met the puddle of blood on the floor and the blood dripping down my arm, the tears spilled out.

He crawled closer to me. We sat facing each other for a few seconds before I couldn't manage sitting up straight. I turned around and slumped against the wall. After breaking the eye contact, Will seemed to get out of the stunned state he was in.

"N-Nico, t-this is a lot-lot of blood," He said putting his hand on my wrist. I knew why he was doing it, you didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know it would stop the bleeding. I pulled my wrist away, I wanted this to happen.

"W-Will," I said weakly. "I, I'm a reminder, I was a reminder, and you can't heal with a reminder everywhere you go,"

"Nico, no, please, let me help you, d-don't do this, please, d-don't do it, it sucks, I hate that it's this way for you. Gods, if I ever meet your father, I'd tear him a new one for doing this to you, because, I know, I know then you may think, that it sucks, but don't do this, I care so much about you, and if you die, if you go, I-I-I, I don't know what I would do. I don't know how I would function, I wouldn't. Nico please," He placed his hands back on my wrist. I know I was in a life or death situation, I knew he was trying to help, but I couldn't focus on anything else when he said 'Iknow more then you may think'. He shouldn't have to know anything that's anything like this. He doesn't deserve it.

I wanted to pull my wrist away again. I wanted to pull it away, grab the blade, and cut my other arm. Except, when I tried to pull away, it was weaker, and Will was still grabbing on to it. I then turned his direction and saw his head resting on my clenched hand. I couldn't see his eyes, but I saw enough of his chin to know he was crying. I then decided to stop fighting against him. 

I broke down into sobs. He looked up from my hand and scooted closer to me. I leaned my head on his shoulder, he still had one hand holding my bleeding wrist, but the other one was wrapped around my back.

I soon felt his hand removing itself from my wrist and both his arms around me. He picked me up and walked over to the counter. He took the blade, and through tear-blurred vision, threw it away. He then opened one of the drawers and pulled out bandages. 

"T-They n-need stitches, b-but, w-we can't do a-anything until all the bleeding s-stops," He stuttered out carefully wrapping the bandages around my arms. I felt bad. I felt horrible for making him like this. I could tell, by the straining in his voice, he was holding back sobs.

"I-I'm s-so sorry," I whisper as he finishes wrapping my arm. He looks up at me and immediately my head falls on his shoulder again, crying.

(A/N End of self-harm, but there may be a few smaller mentions in this chapter, I'll try and remember to put a warning for them)

"P-Please, j-just don't d-do it a-a-again," He begged. I felt his hands wrap around my back. I let out another sob before making a decision.

"I w-won't," I say into his shoulder.

"P-Promise?" He asked. I hesitated. How could I promise a promise that could be broken so easily?

"I-I, I P-promise," I stutter. Will let out a sob before I felt his hands move and he was picking me up again. He walked over to the couch and carefully placed me on the couch like I would break, I hated it.

Will grabbed the blanket I had thrown on him earlier and immediately wrapped me in his arms again. I was still crying, he was still crying.

Will's back was pressed against the couch and had his arms around me. I had my head rested on his chest, and our legs were intertwined. We were both crying and I was whispering 'I'm sorry' over and over again. I realized after ten minutes I was apologizing in Italian. I seemed to have forgotten English, so I just continued in my native language.

"C-Can, I ask w-why?" Will finally stuttered.

"I-I-I, I just thought that, that, if I d-did it, it would all go away, H-Hazel wouldn't have gotten dragged into it, you wouldn't have to deal with all of it, and I'd be gone. You can never heal with a constant reminder around,"

Will broke out into another sob. "D-Don't, P-please, I-I-I--" I cut Will off.

"I won't, I'm so s-sorry," I let out a shaky breath. "Will, I am so sorry,"

I still believed I needed to go. I believed it would be for the best to just...end...but I made Will feel like this. I couldn't break the promise I made to him. I didn't want to make Will feel like that. I couldn't make him feel like that, especially not because of me. 

"W-Why didn't you tell me, me about the s-scars, I know these aren't all from t-today," He said, not grabbing my wrist or putting them in view, but just reciting from memory. 

"I didn't want--I thought maybe if--it would be too much, the--I'm sorry," I choke out the last part, breaking down into tears. I can feel Will shake his head.

"N-no, it's, I didn't mean to--"

I cut him off. "N-No I know,"

Will pulled me closer and I listened to his heartbeat as I slowly fell asleep. 

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

~Calm Before A Storm~

sorry for the short chapter <3

-XOXO Leah