chapter 60 hOly hEck

Will Had rushed out the door first. He was probably the first person out of the courtroom when it was dismissed. He looked stressed. Everything that was said, anything that happened, he put on himself. I understood why he was stressed. Anytime a personal jab was made at Naomi- his face faltered. He blamed himself for getting them to do this. Lots of personal attacks happened this session.

I sighed. This shit wasn't getting any easier. Over and over, day after day, we were in this damned courthouse. I truly didn't even see why we had to be here. It didn't make any damn sense! Tim was a shit person, give Naomi custodial rights, keep Tim in jail, and give Naomi his money - Easy! I ran a hand through my hair. "Fucking Bullshit," I swore to myself. "Absolute fucking bullshit," I walked out of the courthouse where everyone else had been going. They went ahead of me while I went to the bathroom. I didn't want anyone having to wait on me- if the twins had to stay locked up in this building for another second I was sure they would start crying.

I couldn't blame them, even I wanted to cry being cooped up in there all day.

I saw the family walking over to the little park they had. We had spent a lot of time over there recently. Whenever court wasn't in session, we were here, waiting to be called in again. However, there was one particular blond missing from the group. I didn't think too much of it, he was probably getting something from the car or what not. Not anything to get concerned about.

I caught up with the Solace family. Sydney and Mason weren't here today. Mason had something for some sport, they weren't completely skipping, they just weren't going to be here for the morning part. "Naomi," I said as I got closer.

She turned around. "Girls hold up," She said, she stopped walking and let me get closer.

"Hey." I said, she started walking again once I caught up to her.

She smiled in response. "We were just talking about what we want for lunch," She said, the girls also starting to walk again, however they were walking much faster in order to get to the playground faster. "We plan on going soon so we can grab the food, and get there early to pick up Sydney and Mason so maybe we can see him play for a bit, and still be back in time,"

"Oh, yeah, that sounds good, where's his thing at?"

"Some soccer field," She said. "I'm not sure the name, but Sydney sent me the location," She said, pulling her phone out of her pocket. "It's not too far from here and there are lots of good restaurants around the area."

I nodded. "That's good. Soccer? I thought it was Lacrosse?" I was almost certain he played Lacrosse instead, but I've been wrong before.

"No, it was soccer, you're probably confusing it with how they were talking about Lacrosse, Sydney used to play,"

"Probably," I laughed. "Either way, though, I hope we do have time to see him,"

"Me too, Sydney said he wanted us there," She said, putting her phone in her back pocket. "But, he knew we couldn't,"

"Really?" I asked. I found it strange he'd want us there. I mean, he didn't hate us or anything, but... did he really like us enough to be there at his soccer game? Less than a month ago we were complete strangers to him.

"Yeah, I didn't believe it either," She said. We were finally at the park and we took a seat on the bench.

"He's a cool kid," I said, watching as the twins ran across the sand, getting out all their energy. He couldn't blame them for having a lot of it. They were like five and being forced to sit down and stay silent, their only form of entertainment being how the light reflected off the security guard's bald head.

Naomi smiled. "He really is," her phone buzzed and she told me it was Sydney. "They're winning," She informed me. "5-3"

"That's awesome," I said. I guess now thinking about it, Mason was actually really passionate about soccer. Granted, in my defense, I didn't know what sport he was going on about- but looking back, it's kind of one of the only things he talked about. He just never talked to me about it, so I never really looked into it. I was always like 'Good, he has passions' but that was about it. "I hope they keep that lead,"

"Me too," Naomi said, smiling, sending Sydney a text back. "I'm asking her if they want anything, and what they may have in mind so we can swing by and maybe grab them something so he can have it when he's done,"

I nodded, making 'hm' sound in response. "He'll probably be extremely hungry, soccer's a lot of running,"

Naomi laughed lightly. "I could never,"

I smiled and laughed along with her. "Me either,"

Artemis screamed and both our eyes shot up to where we heard it. Luckily, she wasn't actually hurt, she was just jumping off the playset. Athena laughed at her and proceeded to do the same thing. I smiled. "They're really a handful, I don't know how you do it,"

Naomi laughed. "I don't know, and It's so much different than Will. One because now there's two of them- but also because of the fact that Will was such a well behaved child. Sure, he was reckless and got hurt sometimes, but that's just kids being kids- he never pitched fits or anything. He was such a mama's boy- if I said 'no' he'd listen with no complaints. These two- so much different. I don't think they understand what 'no' really means."

"Will is such a mama's boy- it's hilarious," I laugh.

"Oh, it really is," She said, smiling towards me. "He'll always be my baby- though he'd be very mad at me right now if he were here, he hates when I say things like that,"

"Naomi, I doubt he could actually be mad at you,"

She smiled. "I guess you're right- Athena, sand, out of your mouth." She playfully rolled her eyes. "See. That's what I'm saying - why would you put sand in your mouth? Where is the thought process behind that?"

I laughed. She stood up and walked over to Athena, who was now trying to wipe the sand off her tongue, with sandy hands. I went over with them, not wanting to just sit here alone.

"This is why sand isn't food," She lectured as she wiped off her hands. She then pulled her bag in front of her and pulled out her water bottle. "Take a sip and swish it in your mouth, but please do not swallow it," She said.

"Den wha I 'o wi' et?" Athena said her tongue sticking out of her mouth- I didn't even understand what she said, but Naomi apparently understood every word.

"You're gonna spit it out," She said, taking the lid off of the bottle.

"On da gwouwnd?"

"Yes, sip," She said, giving her daughter the water bottle. Athena did just that. However, she hadn't spit yet. "Okay, spit,"

She didn't.

"Athena. You have sand. In your mouth. Spit,"

She gave a evil-smirk.

"Oh my, Lanta, I swear child, Athena," She said, "I will squeeze this water out of your mouth, spit, please,"

She listened this time, spitting into the sand.

"Thank you, now go play, and don't put anything in your mouth, for the love of God, don't put anything else in your mouth, okay?"

"Okay! Bye-Bye!" and like that, she was gone, running off towards her sister.

"I'd bet five dollars she puts something else in her mouth,"

"I'm not gonna take that bet," I laugh. "I don't wanna lose five dollars,"

"Wise choice," she laughed. We sat back down on the bench. She pulled out her phone. "They don't really have a preference," She said. "I kind of want McDonalds,"

"I will never say no to McDonalds," I said. I loved that place. It was the right amount of disgusting that made it amazing. If that makes any sense.

"Well, we'll probably go there, I just want to make sure Will's fine with that first, but he's not answering his phone," She said as it looked like she sent him another message.

"Where is he anyway?" I ask. Usually he'd meet back up with us by now.

"There's no telling," She said. "He needs to calm down. I know he cares, but it gets to a point where I'm more worried about him. He's got to realize these things just happen, and I'm not letting them affect me- those people are pigs- but I don't think he realizes that." She said, setting her phone down and looking out at the girls playing. "You should go find him," Her attention now directed toward me. "If he's upset somewhere, which I'm almost positive he is, you're the one he'd want to find him. If I go, he'll pretend he's fine. I think he'll drop his guard for a second if it's with you."

I nodded. I stood up, a weak smile on my face. "Have any idea where he'd be?"

"Not a clue," She said. "But please find him and text me if he's okay,"

I smiled, a little bigger this time. "Of course," I said, before walking away to go search for him. I really didn't have even the smallest clue where he'd be, except for maybe in the car- so that's where I decided to look first. It was only a ten minutes walk and it was a place to start.

When I got into the parking lot and went towards wherever we parked the car, the closer and closer I got I had a feeling he just wasn't going to be there. Either way, I still made my way into that direction, hoping for the best.

Closer I got, I realized I was right. He wasn't there. I cursed to myself and began walking back towards the courthouse. Maybe he was just hanging around there, finding solitude in commotion. I'm pretty sure that was a thing.

I walked back over to the building, noting the cool air and the light wind. I passed down the 'alleyway' between the courtroom and some other building that I didn't know what it was for- but I knew it was still owned by the courthouse, considering it's huge logo on the front.

I saw someone down it, smoking. The smoke rising into the air. The person was all alone. No one was even near this area. It looked extremely suspicious, but it didn't look like the guy had any evil intent, so I didn't really care.

Until the guy's phone went off. No, it has to be a coincidence. I said, noting how the ringtone was the same as Will's. Sure, ringtones aren't a good sign, but he was the only one who used a different default one. I'd never met someone else who enjoyed the sound of that damned ringtone.

After the idea of it being Will popped into my mind, I made a second take into the alleyway. I looked at the man closer. It had to be Will. My jaw dropped. "William Solace," I said, I watched as his face looked towards me, his expression masked with shock. "Please tell me that is not you,"

The man - no not the man, Will, it was definitely Will- dropped the cigarette from his hand, then stepped on it. I started walking down the alleyway. Will blew out his last huff of smoke quickly, fanning it out of the way.

"Nico! Hey, what are the chances of seeing you at this time,"

"Stop being funny, what the hell are you doing?" I said as I got closer, looking at the cigarette ashes that were now stomped on the ground.

"Look," Will started. "I know this looks bad, but here me out- it's better than it looks,"

"Oh really?" I asked, placing a hand on my hip. "Then explain, please explain to me why you're smoking a literally cancer stick."

I didn't like cigarettes. I know vapes weren't better, and I know they led to smoking and yada yada, but either way. If I saw him vaping, I'd probably be upset- but for the most part I'd make fun of him for fucking vaping and tell him it's addictive and he should stop.

But Cigarettes? Those were different. I was basically a chain smoker from like 15 to 18. My lungs are probably as black as my goddamn soul because of those fucking things. The things my dad smoked once my mom died. The thing's he'd never put down, not even for a second. Our apartment before everything went down and he went wacko always smelt of its disgusting smoke- the smell was probably what led to me becoming so addicted once I was on my own.

I hated cigarettes. Nothing good ever came from them. Why was Will fucking smoking them?

"Well, you see, I was just a little stressed, and sometimes, I smoke them, just to make me relax. I'm ot addicted or anything. I just- they help me calm down,"

I wasn't having any of it. Flashbacks of me telling Rachel about how 'I wasn't addicted, I just needed to be numb' and images of my father lighting another one after his last one had burnt down to nearly nothing, telling Bianca that he wasn't addicted, he was just tired.

He would swear up and down the walls he was fine. Guilt us even by saying it was the only thing that helped and he would stop if he could- but sometimes the pain got too much. I remembered back how I'd say the same thing.

This fucking things were toxic to your mind and body.

"You're fucking becoming a doctor, Will." I said. "I know for a goddamn fucking fact you know how bad these things are for you. Come on!" I said. I held out my hand, palm up. "Where's the rest of them?"

He looked at my hand, his own staying stiff by his sides. "I don't have them on me." He said. But I knew he was lying. I was looking dead into his eyes the whole time- and he was looking back. He just lied to my face.

"Will." I said, extending my hand further. "Please don't lie," I said. "Please give them to me," I didn't want to guilt him by crying- making him feel like he had to give it to me- but I loved him, and the thought of losing him like a lost my dad, even if it was unlikely and the chances were slim to none, and I couldn't help my voice from breaking and the tears beginning to swell-up in my eyes. "I'm fucking begging you. Please." I said, tapping my foot nervously.

He sighed. "...No,"

"Will." I said. I didn't expect him to say no. I didn't expect him to be happy about it, or hand them over easily. But to say no? I was truly shocked. "Please." That was all I could say at this moment in time. Please.

"I can't," He said. "I'm sorry."

"...Will..." I said. My heart felt like it was about to crumble. "Will, please, hand them to me, please, please, please."

"Why do you care? I'm only doing it to feel better! I'm so fucking stressed right now, and I'm jsut trying to calm down, I don't see the issue, you're being unreasonable."

"Unreasonable? Will, you're killing yourself!"

"It's one cigarette, I'm not going to die, Nico," He said. He ran a hand through his hair.

"It's one, and then it's two, and then you make up tomorrow and the situation still isn't gone, so might as well start the day off with a little relaxation? Huh? And then you stop sneaking away because it takes to long and you just want a little relief and you need it now- then stressful times go away, but the need to smoke doesn't because now you're fucking addicted, so for the love of God hand me the fucking pack." I said, feeling the tears go down my face, my voice strained.

Despite my condition, I kept a straight, serious face with him. My tone, also staying firm, besides the occasional breaks from the tears.

Will shook his head. "I'm not addicted, and I'm not going to get addicted,"

"That's what everyone fucking says, Will!" I said, my hand now gesturing behind me, not sure why since no one was behind me, but you know. I didn't want to make it about my dad. It wasn't the right time or place to go into that. But, fuck. It hurt. Just the idea hurt.

"I'm sorry you think that, but I'm different. You have to believe me." His face was also serious, his voice, also firm.

"Hand them to me." I said once again. "Will. Give me them," I said. Tears were still streaming down my face, but if I wiped them I'd have to break my stance. And I didn't plan on doing that. "We have to go soon for lunch and Mason. Give me the goddamn pack, Will."

"I know what I'm about to do is a jackass move." He said, reaching his hand in his pockets. "And I'm sorry. But if we're about to go- and you're not giving up anytime soon.." He said. He pulled out the pack, and then a lighter.

"You're joking right? You're fucking kidding me right now?"

He looked at me, his eyes had an expression of guilt and regret in his eyes- but clearly it wasn't enough to stop him from lighting the cigarette and turning around to lean again the wall.

"Wow." I said. "Just wow." I turned away from him also and leaned against the wall. I needed the time anyway. I pulled the sleeves of my jacket down lower so i could use them to dry my face. "..Wow." I said again, at a complete loss for any other words.

TW: Mentions of past abuse.

Just then, right there, reminded me of my dad. I was so taken aback. I mean, it was a memory that I held onto. The look of when it all started happening. The look he gave as he hurt me for the first time. It was the expression he wore as he held his belt in his hands, drunk off his shit, a cigarette in his mouth, and he beat me for the first time.

The look he wore was gone after the first time. Because that's when he realized he wasn't sorry anymore.

Because it had made him feel better.

Sure, beating a kid and smoking aren't the same thing. But my father rinked of cigarette smoke and bourbon for those years. The smell of the smoke now wafting through the air and that painful expression Will had just before he had brought the cigarette to his lips- almost triggered a fucking panic attack for me.

TW: Mentions of past abuse -END

I couldn't even find words to say. I just looked at the wall in front of me. When too many tears started to roll down my face, I quickly and angrily wiped them away.

Will and I had sat in complete silence the entire time he smoked that cigarette. I just kept breathing, trying to calm myself down the best I could. I didn't want to freak out and have a panic attack on him. While it would probably make him stop, it was insanely manipulative. So, I was going to do my best to stop it.

About ten minutes later, Will took a long drag, holding the smoke in his lungs for a moment, before dropping the cigarette and stepping on it. Blowing out the smoke he had held in there.

"You done?" I said, refusing to make eye contact with him.

He tucked the pack and the lighter back into his pockets. "..yeah.." He said. I knew he was looking at me, but I wasn't going to look back. You couldn't have paid me any amount of money to make me look at him right now.

I was afraid if I did, he'd be wearing a familiar expression, and all breathing I had been doing to calm myself down, wouldn't even have mattered. I felt like I was about to explode.

"Good." I said, turning to start walking out from the alleyway. "We have a soccer game to go to,"

me? getting a chapter out not seven months after the last one? wow. im shocked too. 

-bai