Every morning you'll ask trivial things such as "Did you guys eat?" Or "Where's Mom?" but they thought that was  annoying or nonsense. Before, when your mother or anyone in the house is leaving, you'll always lovingly wish them safety. You are a kind but quiet child. They thought you could not understand everything that was happening around you. They thought it was just a blissful innocence. They took it for granted. But, you knew and understood everything very well.

At some point, you started doubting everything, even yourself.

"Why couldn't they understand my intentions?"

It even reaches the point that you question yourself...

"Do they love me?"

For you, a child, who wants love and attention but ignored and misunderstood. You slowly stopped yourself doing all of the things you like. You began to show cracks. This goes on until you reach your teenage years. Cracks turned into wounds. Bleeding wounds. Now you asked yourself.

"Is this worth healing? Am I worthy of healing myself?"

Then you gave up.

"I want it to end."

But, you are a kind child.

"If I end this, what will happen to them?"

Then you decided to cling to this question. This is your rope of life for some point. You know this is wrong. Living your life for the sake of others' well-being is wrong. Mostly if your own well-being is a mess. But you still clung to it.

You started to wonder...

"What am I doing?"

"Why am I not happy?"

"I am still hurt. I did not heal at all. I still want this to end, but what's next?"

What's missing? Why can't you heal yourself?  Why can't you tell what's next? Because you clung to the wrong rope of life.

You are still in the middle of this whirlpool of thoughts. You can't think straight. You see a rope in the middle of it. As if it was luring you to grab it. Then, you clung to it, hoping it will help you resolve this mess. But as you hang into the rope, you feel pain. You felt pain and you still did not let go, hoping it will be your savior. You kept hanging onto the rope and resisted the pain. You became numb. Then later, you felt nothing.

"Ah this is it. I'm free at last."

Silence takes over you. You felt nothing but happiness and freedom from pain. Then you asked yourself again.

"Now, how can I wake up?"