"I love him... not because he's handsome, but because he's more myself than I am."

—From Wuthering Heights,
By Emily Bronte

STEAM ROSE UP in swirls to obscure Holly's face—and hopefully her pained expression—as she sank into the hot water. A groan escaped her lips. Ah. If the Mordanians did anything right it was installing hot springs. Her sore muscles ached from walking around as well as being on horseback all day, trying to prove herself innocent. Try as she might, it was nigh impossible. She had bribed the innkeeper to tell no one of their presence in the inn and therefore had no proof that they had been in the Blue Bull. When she suggested they bribe him more to say where they had been on that fateful night, Kaiden pointed out that their baggage (along with his coin) had been dumped in the snow and left for the robbers, looters and scavengers to pick through. Thus, they had essentially harmed themselves by trying to protect their cover.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

Without waiting for her response, Kaiden slid into the hot spring, right across from her. She hadn't seen him come in, which was a rarity for her—usually, she was so attuned to her presence that some small part of her was always paying attention to where he was in relation to her body, always ready to protect him. Not this time, so she could not tell if he was completely nude or if only his chest was bare beneath the milky water. She herself was wearing a white slip borrowed from one of the servants. Holly stared at him through the haze of steam: curling auburn hair, green eyes that never missed a single detail, the tan skin that he had inherited from his mother's south Atlan heritage. He was not hers—he would never be hers—but somewhere over the course of the twelve years they had known each other, she had become his.

"I had not yet given you permission to sit here," she said, though the words came out like a sigh. She had no energy to banter, not even with her closest friend. In a few days she would likely be rotting in Mordanian prison. She tried not to dwell on it as bitter words issued from her lips. "But go ahead, take a seat anyways. That's what royals do, isn't it? Take whatever they want without asking for consent?"

Kaiden was silent for a long pause. They were comfortable enough with each other that silence was just like conversation to them: either a way to pass the time or a way of communicating something. She thought of yesterday, how angry she had been. Not upset that he had flirted with the girl at the tavern, not upset that she had been brought here to watch over him in Mordania, frozen hellhole that it was. But she was upset because it was her duty to protect him, even from himself. And he had gone off and tried to finagle himself a betrothal, by himself, in enemy territory. He had risked his life and for what? Some foreign queen who had rejected him?

Now she was only upset that she wouldn't be able to protect him when she was inside a Mordanian prison cell.

"If I did that..." she saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed before speaking his next words. His green eyes were like those of a cat, glowing brightly amidst the fog of the hot spring, his pupils dilated. "Trust me, Holly. If I had taken what I wanted without asking, you would have been in my bed, not defending my back, a long time ago."

She sucked in a breath, one part of her denying his words even as the other part started capturing and freezing then for times when sorrow overcame her. He wanted her. "And I would have wound up another one of your conquests, Kaiden. Just another girl you added to the notches on your bedpost."

"No. You would have become my wife."

Those words stung as much as any slap across the face. Did he have to say them? Did he have to...

"Do you have to be so cruel?" She felt tears well in her eyes. "That wasn't funny."

"Because it was not a joke." There was a splash and she realized he was paddling over to her side. She didn't want him to touch her; she wanted nothing more than his skin on hers. Holly felt insanely sensitive, every nerve ending raw with desire—if he even breathed near her she would fall apart.

His shoulder bumped against hers. A simple platonic touch, nothing romantic about it, a gesture they had done thousands of times before. Something inside of her collapsed; a wall or a defence or a dam, one that crumbled and no longer held back myriad emotions that she hadn't wanted to face. She was probably going to take a course of action that was extremely regrettable if she kept on this path. Holly tried to care, tried to draw in a breath that would hold herself together.

"Don't pity me," she said softly, pressing herself against the harsh, cool stone wall of the hot spring. "Don't pretend to want me because I might soon be imprisoned indefinitely."

He said nothing, only putting his arm around her body and tucking her to his side. It was another friendly move, the muscles of his bare arm heavy on her shoulders, the scent of him—freshly cut grass and citrus—wrapped around her as securely as his body. The expression on his face was so tender, so gentle, that it made the ice around her heart crack a little.

"I could never pity you." His chin rested on the crown of her head. "I'm too scared of you for that."

She laughed, shifting closer to him. Their thighs touched and she learned that he really wasn't wearing anything, making her entire form stiffen, paralyzed by shock and longing.

"I was upset with you yesterday because you risked your life to... to try and get engaged to a woman who clearly doesn't care for you," Holly admitted. She tried to remember what she'd overheard from the two men that had brought them here. "I think she's sleeping with or otherwise attached to one of the guards."

He shrugged, undeterred. "I always enjoy a challenge. And besides... marriages are for power and convenience. Love is what you use when you raise your children."

She jerked away from him, kicking off of the wall to the other side of the hot spring, her hair undone from its braids and covering her like a cloak. "So why would I marry a man who says things like that? Becoming your wife or your bedmate or romantically attached to you on any way would only break my heart, Kaiden. That's why I've never tried."

"Then why haven't you tried with anyone else?" he countered.

Her heart sank in her chest. "I have," she said softly. "The night that the fire was set here—I was out, trying with someone else."

Something that might have been hurt flashed across his face, like she'd smacked him. "With whom?"

She stayed nonchalant, wanting to pretend that it didn't matter when she'd seen that same guard earlier today and he had acted as if he didn't remember her. "One of the guards in Hartfall. We had a drink and he asked me to go back to his room with him. I did. That's where I was that night. I didn't want you to know..."

"I wouldn't judge you." His voice was still soft, still tender, but it was the softness of something fragile and easily crushed, not that of something comforting. A rose petal, not a blanket. "I would never judge you for doing something that I do all the time, Holly."

"It was terrible," she confessed, feeling nothing as she said the words. Why should she feel anything when the guard had meant nothing? "Physically, all I could think was, I have no idea why people do this for fun."

"It can be... pleasurable," Kaiden said. "But I think it's different for women."

"Different how?" Holly asked, attempting and failing to hide her curiosity. Pleasure was the same all around, wasn't it?

"Generally women want to be charmed, they want to go through the motions of some sort of relationship and feel a connection before they can even think of being... physical with a man. But men will sleep with any woman that they are physically attracted to, without even knowing their names. That's simply a difference between men and women, not something to try and change or be ashamed of," Kaiden explained.

Holly raised an eyebrow. She traced her lower lip with her tongue and Kaiden's eyes darted to follow the movement. "I think he was just bad at sex. I think I could do that with any other man."

**

"But would it feel good?" Kaiden pushed away from the stone wall and went to her side. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"Would it leave you..." his hand travelled to her neck, over her shoulder, down her arm, to the dip in her bare waist. Kaiden tugged her close to him and she didn't resist. "Short of breath?"

His gaze dropped to her chest, to its increasingly faster rise and fall.

"Would it make you want more?"

His leg moved between hers, spreading her knees apart. Her heart clenched and her pulse paused.

"Would it make your heart beat faster?"

He leaned down, his taller height nullified as his mouth touched hers. Her heart responded, thudding frantically as if trying to break free from her ribs and fall into his hand. Her mind emptied of all thoughts except for the man who was holding her in his arms.

Holly had known Kaiden Thorne since they were eleven years old. She had seen him upset, angry, mopey, grieving, happy, laughing, and essentially in every state of mind and mood that one could possibly be in. She had comforted him after the death of his older brother, had seen him grow from a mischievous boy to the charming and still-troublemaking man that he was today. Holly thought she knew him, every wild facet of him.

She had been wrong. This man, the one who pulled her close to his form, was an utter stranger. Kaiden Thorne would never kiss her like this, with his fingers twining through her hair and his movements gentle, tender. As if she were some fragile butterfly; as if he was worried about hurting her, breaking the moment, shattering the spell. Kaiden Thorne would never hold her so tightly that she thought they might never separate, might never have to leave each other.

Kaiden Thorne would never make her feel like this, like she was falling apart slowly and he was the only one capable of piecing her back together. He would never  make her feel like the only real things in this world were him and her and this kiss.

He would never fool her into believing that he loved her with one touch.

///

"WHAT WAS THAT, Kaiden?" Holly asked when they had finished. "Am I just... just another way for you to fill some physical need you have? I keep you safe, I'm your friend, I'm another girl for you to fuck?"

"Didn't that feel good, Holly?" His voice was dreamy and faraway. "I wanted it to feel good for you. I just wanted to make you feel good."

"Kaiden." Tears sprang to her eyes when she realized what he was saying. "Don't... don't talk like that. Maybe I won't have to be imprisoned... maybe there's another way out."

"Tell me it felt good." His voice was low and commanding, with an edge that prickled her skin and stoked the desire that until very recently she had forced to lay dormant. "Tell me it was everything you ever dreamed of."

It was more than good. It was better than I ever dreamed it could be. If I ever wind up with anyone else I know it will always be the standard to which I compare every other experience.

"Such a fragile ego you possess, my king," was what she said instead and it snapped him out of his daze.

"Holly, won't your guard... the one you spent the night with, I mean... won't he vouch for you? Can't he tell the queen you were with him?" Kaiden suggested.

She lay flat on her back looking up at the stony ceiling of the cave. "That I was with him all night in the manor, very close to the room where the fire was set? I only knew it was a basin because he told me about it."

"But no one would believe you, and a Mordanian guard certainly won't defend you to his queen," Kaiden said. "Okay, that leaves only one option."

She looked at him in surprise. "Which is?"

"Don't worry, Holly. You'll find out soon enough."

With that, he was on his feet, wrapping a towel around his body, and out of the cave in seconds.

Dedicated to luxiferase for basically being this story's number 1 fan, leaving so many wonderful comments and just being an all-around great person :) ugh I'm so cheesy 😂