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Nandani POV

"You should change, Rudra, you are wet,"

I tried to say in a slow voice and took a step back to continue.

"Let me get you another pair,"

I said and he lowered his gaze inhaling a deep breath.

I went to the dressing room and brought out the same maroon pair that he took off in the morning and attendees kept it there after washing.

I handed him over and said again.

"Go, change,"

My voice was low, feeling heavy and seeing him crying like that made me really very emotional. He stood up from the couch and I walked closer to him.

"Do you need help?"

I asked and he shook his head washing the fresh tears that rolled down his cheeks.

Even if he denied, I gulped and held his hand.

"Come,"

I walked with him to the inside of the bathing room and helped him sit down on a stool. Bending forward, I held the side of his kurta and swiftly pulled it out through his neck.

He looked at me and I gently pecked his forehead lovingly. He closed his eyes with my touch and I straightened myself to fill a jug with water.

"Was it a pond or river?"

I asked gently pouring the water through the jug. He lowered his face and answered in a slow voice.

"River,"

I filled another jug and poured it empty over his wide shoulders.

"And, what made you think to do that?"

He inhaled a deep breath, heard my question and looked deep into my eyes holding a painful gaze.

"That I am not good for you, for anyone,"

He said and I inhaled deeply to move towards his back and poured another jug of water over his back and gently rubbed his skin.

"And what changed your mind at the last moment?"

I asked and he answered me back in a slow voice.

"That you knew me from the beginning and still loved me. Not for anyone but for you, I have to live,"

His words sent a strong shiver down my spine and fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.

I lowered my gaze and walked a little away turning my face away from him. I burst into silent cries, not letting him hear my pain and emotions.

I felt him standing up from the stool and I tried to calm myself down.

The silence followed for some moments, I did not know what to say. I knew he was in utmost pain. I could not even guess how he must be feeling right now realising the life he lived was false, based on lies and completely opposite of what he thought. His trust broke, his beliefs broke, his everything broke and basically the pillars on which a person makes his life, the past, the beliefs, the facts, the circumstances, everything was just a lie.

I could not even guess what he must be feeling right now. And, realising what he tried to do to himself really shook me to the core. I was expecting anything but not this. But, somewhere I could understand. He had no one, literally no one by his side to live for, the only thing he struggled for, he worked hard and he continued to survive, was the revenge for his father's death. And, after twenty years of his death, suddenly realising that his father was the only culprit, and had heinous intentions towards his own mother and other women, might have shaken him beyond repair, might have pierced his heart in two.

Suddenly, I felt him picking me up in his arms in a swift moment. His one hand was below my knees and the other supporting my midriff. My hand immediately snaked his shoulder for support and I looked into his eyes. He was still half naked and just changed his wet lower into a fresh one.

"Rudra,"

I said in a slow voice and he pulled my face closer to his and pecked my forehead deeply and for a long with his wet lips.

I blinked when he started walking and slowly closed my eyes letting myself feel it.

He brought me back into the bedroom and placed me on the bed. I immediately held his hand and shifted a little to pull him closer to me.

"Rudra,"

I managed to say.

He sat in front of me, closer to me and I immediately cupped his cheek to look into his eyes. My gaze was up looking at him and his down looking back at me. He held my wrist and gently kissed my palm. I blinked nervously and tried to say.

"Jo kuch bhi hua, usse hum nahi badal sakte. Ateet ki yahi khoobi hai, ki vo chahe jitna bhi bura ho lekin kabhi lautkar nahi aata... jo hua hum nahi kahenge ki usse bhool jaiye, aage badhiye kyuki vo sab shayad kehne ki baate hongi. Jese hum kuch yaadein nahi bhula sakte, vese aap bhi poori jindagi shayad kuch yaadien nahi bhula paenge. Lekin ek samajhdar vyakti hamari nazar me vahi hoga jo apne aane wale kal par apne ateet ke aansuo ki parchayi bhi na padne de. Aap bahut samajhdar hai, humse bade hai, humse behtar duniya dekhi hai aapne, tarah tarah ke log dekhe hai, aap humse behtar samajhte hai ki aapke kal ke liye, hum dono ke kal ke liye kya acha ya bura hai. Jis tarah ki jindagi aapne jee hai, or aap yaha pohuche hai, vo sirf aapki apni kabiliyat or mehnat ka nateeja hai. Usme kisi bhi doosre ka ratti bhar bhi yogdaan nahi hai to fir kyu jindagi ko kisi doosre ki wajah se khatam karna Rudra. Jara apne aas paas dekhiye, log bhuk mari se tadap rahe hai, bimariyo se jhoojh rahe hai, apno ko kho kar bhi jee rahe hai... kisi ke liye na sahi, kam se kam unka to saath de jinhone aapka saath diya. Aapki jindagi sirf aapke maa-baap ki to nahi hai na, or bahut logo ka hak hai aap par, or agar kisi ka hai bhi nahi to kuch na sahi to kuch behtar hai, logo ke baare me sochiyo, aap Raja hai ab, ab aapki jindagi sirf aapke maa-baap, sirf hamari, sirf kuch logo ki nahi hai, ek jan sadharan ki bhi hai. Or hum aapse Anurodh karte hai ki kabhi bhi khud ko akela mat samajhiyega... Aap kese bhi ho, hum aapse humesha prem karte rahe hai, karte hai, or karte rahenge, hamesha,"

"We cannot change whatever happened. This is the quality of the past, that no matter how bad it is, it never comes back... I will not say that we will forget what happened, and move forward because all that would probably be a matter of saying. Just like I cannot forget some memories, in the same way, you too may not be able to forget some memories throughout your life. But a sensible person in my eyes will be the one who does not let even the shadow of the tears of his past fall on his future. You are very wise, older than me, you have seen a better world than me, you have seen different types of people, you understand better than me what is good or bad for your tomorrow, for both of us. The kind of life you have lived and have reached here is only the result of your own ability and hard work. There is no contribution of anyone else in it even an ounce, then why end life because of someone else, Rudra? Just look around you, people are suffering from hunger, fighting diseases, and living even after losing their loved ones... If not for anyone, at least support those who supported you. Your life is not only of your parents, isn't it, many people have a right over you, and even if it belongs to someone, then something is better, think about the people, you are the king now, now Your life is not only of your parents, only ours, only of some people, it is also of a common man. And I request you to never feel alone... no matter who you are, I always loved you, do, and will always do,"

I said and he just blinked blankly looking into my eyes.

I leaned in closer and pressed my lips against his cheeks nervously and muttered against his skin.

"Jaan hai aap hamari, aap udaas bhi hote hai na, to aatma ro padti hai hamari,"

"You are my life, my soul cries even if you get a little upset,"

I said and he snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes and hugged him even more tightly.

"I am so sorry,"

He muttered and I fisted the back of his head, I could feel him inhaling my neck and I slowly stroked my other palm on his chest.

"Humne aapki Holi bhi kharab kardi,"

"I spoiled your Holi too,"

He said and I chuckled a little. And a fresh tear rolled down my cheek. Straightening my head, I looked into his eyes and muttered in a slow voice.

"Hamare teej tyohaar to sab aapse hai Ranaji,"

"All my festivals are happy because of you Ranaji,"

I said and he smiled, placing his lips on my cheek. Kissing me slowly, lovingly and adoringly.

He left warm and deep kisses from my jawline to my ear and muttered slowly in my ear.

"Hume apne rang me rang lo aaj, Nandani,"

"Colour me in your colours, Nandani,"

His slow, deep voice sent a shiver down my spine and my lashes forced close when he said further.

"Hum aapke alawa kisi bhi cheej ko yaad nahi rakhna chahte, sab bhool jana chahte hai,"

"I do not want to remember anything except you, I want to forget everything,"

I could feel his warm breath travelling down my ear, making me feel goosebumps all over the side of my neckline.

"Rudra,"

I managed to say and lifted his gaze to look at me. Our foreheads were almost touching each other, I could feel his warm breaths on my face and I shivered all of a sudden when he said.

"I do not want to sleep tonight. I want to hold you close to me, so close that I will breathe you, I will see you, I will hear you, I will feel you and I will be surrounded by you through all dimensions that exist. I have never felt this way before, Nandani. Before I wanted you but from now on, tonight, I need you... It is like a necessity, like water or food to survive,"

He said and I felt him leaning in closer to me, I could feel our foreheads touching each other's, my lashes feeling heavy. He shifted even closer, making me move a little back towards the middle of the bed. The darkness had mostly covered the chamber, making me see less and feel more.

"I know I am way too big for it. But, I am unwantedly craving for something, something that will give me most of your fragrance,... I want to do many more things too but not here, at your parent's home,"

He muttered slowly and I could feel his fingers slowly pulling the threads of my blouse. My lips parted and I blinked nervously.

"Rudra,"

I breathed slowly feeling nervous realising what he just said.

He pulled the last string of my blouse and leaned in closer to make me lay down on the bed. I saw his eyes and his face that was glowing yellow in the dim light.

I felt insanely timid looking at his red, swollen yet dry eyes looking at my body and his fingers slowly and carefully sliding the blouse down my shoulder as if I was a small, little doll he was taking care of.

I instantly felt my nipples erect when he detached the blouse from my body and kept it aside.

My hands peacefully rested on the bed, beside my waist letting him see me all. I could see him gazing at my bosom and my waist. He gently brought his hand closer and placed his palm on my midriff which covered the major portion of my chest and midriff. His touch was peaceful, calm, and warm yet sensual.

I just blinked feeling his touch that was sending light sensations into my body. I looked into his eyes. He was broke, confused, upset and most afraid.

I gulped and took my hand close to his cheek. He blinked and inhaled a deep breath when he felt my touch.

"I want to suck,"

He said in a slow voice and I blinked nodding lightly.

He leaned in closer and lay beside me. He turned me softly on my side and came closer hiding his face in the comfort of my chest. The next thing, I knew that he pulled the comforter up to my waist and I could feel him inhaling over my bosom.

I closed my eyes and snaked his neck lovingly while pecking his hair. My fingers gently caressed the back of his neck and a faint smile appeared on my face when I felt him gently cupping my nipple with his lips.

I bit on my lower lip to stop myself from escaping any moan.

Soon the comfort of the night, the coldness, the gentle breezes coming through the window, the comforters, our naked chests, the peaceful intimacy and the torn layer of lies started caressing both of us.

I smiled when he gently kept sucking on my nipple, like a baby, kept licking, kept touching, and kept messaging my bosom until he fell asleep. And, I also slept after him.

I woke up when I could feel him sucking my nipple gently in the very early morning too.

I stretched my arms which made the bud come out of his mouth and asked in a whisper.

"Not fed up yet,"

He smiled and closed his eyes taking the nipple back into his mouth.

"Not getting any time soon,"

I chuckled and gently pushed his face away turning my face away from him.

"It's hurting now, Rudra,"

I said.

But, he held my hand and pulled me back to make me lay on my back. He lifted his head and hovered over me.

"Its tasty,"

He teased me leaned in back again on my chest and cupped my nipple with his lips again.

I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes chuckling a little.

"You are behaving like a baby,"

He cupped my bosom with his hand and muttered.

"Yes, your baby, new life,"

I chuckled deeply and pushed his face away.

"Please, it's hurting now,"

He lay on my side and I immediately pulled the comforter up to cover my naked breast.

"Let me sleep for some time,"

I turned my face opposite to him and he immediately hugged me from behind.

I closed my eyes and tries to go back to sleep in this very early morning while he continued to mutter in my ear. 

"Looking at your beautiful face I am realising that yesterday was Holi and I did not get the chance to even colour my wife,"

I inhaled a deep breath and replied dizzily.

"Not now, Rudra, I am really tired,"

I said and I tried to doze off into sleep but was a little alerted when he stepped down from the bed. I could feel the faded noise of his footsteps walking a little far from the bed and then touching something on my dressing table as I could hear the noise of bangles and pieces of jewellery kept on the table. And, then him coming back to bed.

I felt him sitting behind him and then his fingers gently touching my cheek.

"I hope you are not wasting my vermillion, Rudra,"

I said in my sleepy voice and felt him smiling a little.

He raked his finger featherly on my naked arm from my neck through my shoulder to my fingers and I lazily opened my eyes and looked at my arm.

He had literally coloured me all deep red with the vermillion and looked at him.

"I do not want to play now,"

I cried, thinning my eyebrows and he chuckled before cupping my neck gently and making my face angle for him and leaning in closer to playfully peck over my lips.

"Do not sleep, Nandani, please,"

He said in a slow voice and I closed my eyes asking in a slow and sleepy voice.

"What will I do now if not sleep, Rudra?"

He kissed the side of my lips and muttered in a slow and gentle voice.

"Feed me more, maybe,"

And, I opened my eyes wide open and shot an irritated glare at him.

I immediately pushed the comforter aside and pinned my finger towards my sore nipples.

"See, these slight bruises prove how much I have already fed you my nonexistent milk. 

He chuckled and slowly leaned in closer, looking into my eyes and cupped my nipple again softly.

"This one now,"

I inhaled a deep breath with irritation and said.

"Okay, then lay on this side, I want to sleep,"

He shifted on one side and I lay on my side too facing him. Pulling the comforter up to my shoulder, I get a little comfortable as I was now feeling enough used to this feeling with was soft and caring, not arousing anymore.

And, I did not realise when I dozed back again to sleep.

I woke up again after some time and found him sleeping now. I looked at his sleeping face and saw him drooling a wide smile appeared on my face. I leaned in and kissed on his hair.

I slowly pushed the comforter aside to step down the bed and he immediately hugged me tightly.

"You are not sleeping?"

I asked and he once again take the bud into his mouth.

"Your kiss woke me up,"

He said lazily and opened his eyes to look at me to say.

"I love you... I want to take you back home,"

He muttered weakly and sensually against my chest and I questioned smiling weakly.

"Why so?"

And, he slowly muttered to answer back.

"I want to break my controlling period, and I cannot make you fall sick in front of your parents,"

And, a deep shiver ran down my spine.

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