Enmu: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Daki: Please never become a surgeon

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: If I'm dying, let me eat cake

Enmu: You're not dying

Gyutaro: Let her eat cake anyway

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: Enmu, weren't you supposed to do something about the racoon under the porch?

Enmu: I did! I named him Timothy. He likes pumpkin pie and Reese's Puffs. As you can see, he's clearly a raccoon of culture

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I used to be so scared of going to the Infinity Palace, because I thought it would be like High School Musical but I would be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics.

Rui, Gyutaro, and Daki: ...

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: You should be able to order a chocolate chip cookie medium rare

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: If I'm not back again this time tomorrow...

Rui: Carry on?

Daki: Carry on.

Enmu: No come pick me up, I probably got lost, or into trouble, or both.

Gyutaro, a little late: As if nothing really matters......

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kokushibo: Are we gonna find the blue spider lily and defeat the Demon Slayer Corps? Yes, you can bet on it

Enmu: *Naruto running* yOU KNOW YOU CAN BET ON IT BET ON IT

Kokushibo: W-wHaT??

Daki: *Flying out of the vents* BET ON IT BET ON ME

Rui: *Rolls into the room* I WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT

Akaza: *Backflipping off the walls (HARDCORE PARKOUR STYLE)* THAT IS THE WAY TO TURN MY LIFE AROUND

Gyutaro: *Appearing from thin air* TODAY IS THE DAY

Douma: AM I THE TYPE OF GUY WHO MEANS WHAT I SAY?

Daki: BET ON IT

Gyutaro: BET ON IT

Rui: BET ON IT

Akaza: BET ON IT

Enmu: YOU CAN BET ON ME

Kokushibo: I'm-

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu, teaching Rui about history: See, it all started back in 1492 with this tea party, in Boston. King George, or maybe it was King Norm-anyway... The British were trying to make the colonists drink all this tea. But they were like, "Dude! No way! We're sick of your nasty old tea and your crummy English muffins!" So they decided, "Revolution!"

Daki: Where'd you learn you history? A cereal box?

Enmu: What's your point?

Daki: *facepalms*

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui and the Gang going on a road trip
Enmu: *arrives full of bags with things he clearly doesn’t need, and doesn’t know how to use*

Daki: you cannot be serious.

Enmu: why not, Daki? We live in a material world, and I am a material boy.

Daki: … did you just quote Madonna to me?

Enmu: who?

•×•~•~•~~•×•

Daki: Poison just is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Enmu: This knife is actually a magic wand.

Daki: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Enmu: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Gyutaro: What is wrong with you two

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Akaza: Thank you for your sacrifice, Douma

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: The one you love should mess up your lipstick, not your mascara.

Daki: If anyone ever messes up my lipstick, people will watch their body get scooped out of the river on the news.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by an spontaneous musical number.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: sometimes i’m the panic and sometimes i’m the disco and there is no in between

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: How’s that wine and coffee combination treating you?

Enmu: My heart’s beating really fast, but time is moving really slow.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I liked this sweetened blood jello that came in that can.

Gyutaro: ...Enmu that's cranberry sauce.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: Will you please stop talking like that?

Enmu, in a british accent: You’re just jealous cuz I sound like a rockstar.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: So, Enmu is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.

Rui: Why?

Gyutaro: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

Enmu, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your butt

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

*Gyutaro teaching Daki to drive and taking Enmu along for the ride*

Gyutaro: That's a pothole. To the left!

Daki: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

Enmu, sticking his face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

Daki: I don't think that's how the song goes.

Gyutaro, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

Enmu: Country Roads.

Daki: To the place.

Daki and Enmu in unison: I Belong!

Gyutaro, crying harder: What did I do wrong?

Daki and Enmu, still going: WEST VIRGINIA-

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: You can’t solve your problems with fanfiction.

Enmu, crying: I CAN TRY

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: Let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

Rui: I'm underage!

Douma: Oh, right. Here's a silly straw and a mini tropical umbrella.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu and Daki: *watching soap opera bc they have nothing else to do*

Enmu: is this the episode the dude dies?

Daki: what

Enmu: I hope this is the episode he dies, I wanna watch that

Daki:

Daki: same

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I read 10 books a week but now I just read FANFICTION.

Akaza: I can't remember life without cursed images and online friends.

Gyutaro: Pirated movies are my life.

Douma: Instagram is the work of the gods. Memes are my life.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu (to self): Do penguins have knees?

Enmu: *googles picture of penguin anatomy*

Enmu: I didn't need to see that. Thanks.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kaigaku: you can win any debate by saying shut up nerd.

Enmu: no you can’t-

Kaigaku: shut up nerd.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kokushibo: Enmu, it's your turn to give the weekend safety briefing

Enmu: don't add to the population

Enmu: don't subtract from the population

Kokushibo:

Enmu: don't drink underage and if you do, don't get caught

Enmu: don't do anything to end up in the hospital, morgue or jail

Douma:  *taking notes*

Enmu: if you do end up in jail, establish dominance quickly!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: If I die, turn my tweets into a book.

Gyutaro: If?

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: You bought a taco?

Enmu: Yes.

Gyutaro: From the same truck that hit Douma?

Enmu: Well me starving ain’t gonna help him.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: You either buckle down and your work or you'll end up at McDonald's.

Rui: We're going to McDonald's if I don't do my work?

Gyutaro: NO-

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: Enmu, you need to calm down.

Enmu, slamming his fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Where are your parents?

Rui: What are parents?

Enmu: That's just about the saddest thing I've ever heard.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: if there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Enmu: of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: We didn't start the fire!

Daki: We maybe started the fire.

Enmu: Oh we definitely started the fire.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Did you just... sign a card with a pink glitter pen??????

Rui, weakly: It looks pretty, ok?

Enmu:

Enmu, pulling out an orange glitter pen: My turn.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: you really put aside everything and came all this way for me? how did you even get here so fast?

Daki: several traffic violations.

Akaza: three counts of resisting arrest.

Enmu: roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Gyutaro: also, that’s not our car.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Akaza: good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Daki: rude.

Gyutaro: that’s fair.

Rui: not again.

Enmu: are you going to want this back?

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: I think… Enmu… was right.

Daki: I'm surprised he haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Rui: he wouldn't do that.

Enmu: you're right, Rui. you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Enmu: *turns around, the shirt he’s wearing says 'Enmu told ya so' on the back*

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: We’re getting someone new in the group. His name is Rui.

Enmu: Are we stealing him?

Daki: New or used?

Gyutaro: Wonderful responses, both of you.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I just realized that the Five Stages of Grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance - spell out DABDA and I feel like this is important information

Daki:

Enmu: Sometimes you just need to DAB DA grief away

Daki: Never speak to me again

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui trying his first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!

Kokushibo, an avid coffee drinker, on his twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: Gyutaro, what are you listening to?

Gyutaro: a relaxation tape. the sound of rain is supposed to relax me

Rui: is it working?

Gyutaro: not really. i keep worrying that i left my window open

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: Do we have any orange juice left?

Akaza: [pours all remaining juice into his cup]

Akaza: Sorry, we’re all out. 

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: (takes a sip) Amazing.

Douma: My curry?

Enmu: No, my patience for your cooking skills.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: You can't buy tickets from a scalper, that's a crime!

Douma: So is eating grapes at the supermarket but you do that all the time.

Enmu: I have to test them.

Douma: Enmu, one is testing, fourteen is brunch.

Enmu, quietly: Mamma Mia, I'm a criminal.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: Sorry, Gyutaro can’t come to the phone right now.

Daki: *peers out into the garden*

Daki: He’s currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower again

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Rui: That’s the most hopeful thing I’ve ever heard.

Gyutaro: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Enmu: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Daki: Get out

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: Aww, the power went out

Enmu: Don’t worry, I got this

Enmu: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*

Rui: what-

Enmu: I swallowed a glow stick!

Rui, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I was told that milk made children grow, but i’ve poured an entire carton over this boy and all he’s done is attack me.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: Hey Enmu guess what?

Enmu: Rui it’s midnight....

Rui: There was a scorpion in our bathroom!

Enmu: A what?

Rui: I found a scorpion in our bathroom!

Enmu: I’m sorry I must be tired, but did you just say a scorpion?

Rui: Yep! *Holds up cup with a scorpion inside.*

Enmu: WHAT THE WHAT?

Akaza: *Tiredly* Is everything okay Enmu?  Hey what you got there?

Rui: I found a scorpion!

Akaza: WHAT THE FIZZLING FIREWORKS?!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Akaza: Rui's dead?!

Akaza, sobbing: No! No! Noooo!!!!! Why couldn't it have been Douma! No! Nooooooo!!!!!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: change may mock us with her beauty but at least we can enjoy the remnents left behind

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu leaning over a dead baddie: He’s yeed his last haw.

Daki: Aliven’t.

Rui: Press “F” to pay respects.

Gyutaro: Guys, please, we’re in the middle of a battle.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: Who the heck calls earth sauce "water"

Enmu: Water is earth JUICE you swine.

Enmu: Earth sauce is LAVA.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kaigaku: What are you doing?

Enmu: Watching Blue's Clues

Kaigaku: You are an adult-

Enmu: And I'm watching Blue's Clues. Either shut up and join me, or leave.

Kaigaku: ....*slowly sits down*

Enmu: That's what I thought.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: I hate cooking, but I love stirring the pot

Daki: It's not entitlement if I deserve it

Enmu: I just got out of prison

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: *baking a cake*

Enmu: Now the recipe says we can add sprinkles for the children.

Enmu: Screw that. This is for me.

Enmu: *making it rain sprinkles*

Enmu: What do you take me for? Grown?

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Tonight we dine

Enmu: but not like rich people

Enmu: We’ll dine like poor people

Enmu: It’ll be a feast

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: You don't think I can fight because of my gender!

Enmu: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Douma can fight in that dress either.

Douma: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Enmu: All I drank was Redbull!

Gyutaro: How many?

Enmu: Eighteen.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I just discovered that cinnamon rolls dipped in strawberry milk taste better than cinnamon rolls dipped in normal milk

Daki: ...

Daki: You mean you climbed through my window at three in the morning just to tell me this?

Enmu: Well, yeah. I had to tell someone.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Catnaps are cool and all but I wanna take a frognap. I wanna dig a hole in the dirt and sleep in it for six months.

•×•

Gyutaro: Catnaps are cool and all but I wanna take a frognap. I wanna dig a hole in the dirt and sleep in it for six months.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu and Rui: Heartbreaking Headline: Boys have to get out of bed.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui, looking under his bed: aw twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut

Enmu: twenty dollars can buy many peanuts

Rui: explain how

Enmu: money can be exchanged for goods and services

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: Come on, guys, we really need to sell it. Akaza, you be the boom operator.

Akaza: I thought Enmu was the boom operator.

Enmu: Did somebody say boom!?

(detonates a two-story building)

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: But what about Enmu?

Daki: Don't worry about him.

Daki: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: I'm going on a high risk mission for a few days, but I promise I'll come back home to you three.

Daki: Please be careful, Gyutaro

Rui: bye *waves*

Enmu: If you die I'm collecting your life insurance.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kokushibo: Do you boys want a snack?

Rui: I could really go for some apple slices right now.

Kokushibo: With a little peanut butter to dip them in?

Enmu: WELL OF COURSE WE WANT PEANUT BUTTER KOKUSHIBO! WHAT ARE WE, ANIMALS?!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kokushibo: Why are you two in the fridge?

Rui: We're making a cake!

Enmu: The recipe said to chill in the fridge for an hour

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: She's a killer-

Daki: QUEEN

Gyutaro: Gunpowder, gelatine

Rui: Dynamite with a laser beam

Akaza: Guaranteed to blow your mind

All: Anytime

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: What do I get?

Gyutaro, about a mission: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Enmu: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Gyutaro: It won't be you or Rui.

Enmu, excited: I'll get my coat!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: The Ocean is a soup.

Gyutaro:

Gyutaro: Do elaborate.

Enmu: What is needed for something to be a soup?

Gyutaro: Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Enmu: *Tilts head*

Gyutaro: The Ocean is a Soup.

Enmu: The Ocean is a Soup.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: If Enmu is a detective and Gyutaro is a barista, what am I?

Enmu: FBI agent. You’re a surprisingly good aim.

Daki: Yes!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: You have been gone for 78 days where have you been?!

Enmu: I went to the kitchen, kinda got sidetracked, kinda got lost, but I brought you back an apple

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: I had a nightmare that I was eaten by gummy bears.

Enmu: Really?

Rui: Yeah.. I was scared, but I ate gummy bears today. I got revenge.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu to Rui: look at us, riding around in a limo, eating hot dogs…it’s like we’re the president

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: The lady at the sandwich shop today was like, "that'll be 4.20 love, would you like it toasted?" And I nodded and said, "blaze it" and the guy working the sandwich toaster lost it.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: But won’t you get in trouble?

Douma: Trouble? Ha! You’re only in trouble if you get caught. *fingerguns*

Enmu: *Already in the driver’s seat* Guys, can we go soon? I want to get milkshakes on the way back

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I have a science headcanon.

Daki: Can’t you just say hypothesis like a normal person?

Enmu:

Enmu: So my science headcanon is-

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: What would the chef recommend?

Kaigaku: Sir, this is a McDonalds.

Enmu: Oh, my apologies. What would the McChef recommend?

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

[Everyone's arriving for a meeting]

Enmu: Hey mates!

Akaza: Mate?? What are you Australian today?

Enmu: *with an accent* Yeah mate I’m trying a new accent for fun!

Rui: *also with an accent* We started watching Bluey and we’re obsessed with it... and their accents!

Akaza: Wait, isn’t that a kids show?

Daki: *also also with an accent* Yeah, what’s it to you!??!

Akaza: Nothing!

Enmu: *getting defensive* Yeah it better be nothing... don’t mess with Bluey!!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

Enmu: Schrödinger's boys.

Daki: *sharp inhale*

Rui: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Kokushibo: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Kokushibo: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Daki: ...

Rui: ...

Gyutaro: ...

Enmu: ...

Kokushibo: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Rui, why are you walking around in a blanket with gloves on?

Rui: it's cold and I didn't want to get out of my warm blanket

Enmu: and the gloves?

Rui: I have cold hands

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Akaza: time for bed

Rui: mr. snuffles says I can stay up as long as I want and you need to die

Akaza: ...

Akaza: ok what the heck mr. snuffles

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Hey guys, what did you do today?

Douma: Rui fit 15 oreos in his mouth.

Enmu: 15??

Rui, mouth full of oreos: *nods proudly*

Enmu: Your personal best!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: Are you an 'ARRR' kinda pirate or a 'Yo ho ho' kinda pirate?

Enmu: I'm an 'I'm not paying $600 for photoshop' kinda pirate.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kokushibo: When he was younger, Rui got bit by a house spider and he was crying so I went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it, but before I could even walk out the door, I heard him quietly whisper, "I can’t handle the responsibility of being Spiderman."

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: Did you eat my powdered donuts?

Enmu: *mouth full of donuts* Mo.

Gyutaro: Then what’s that white powder on your face?

Enmu: Ifps cofpaine.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: 🎶It’s me or the PS5/Tell me which of us is more your type?/It seems like you can’t decide/But if it’s not me then I’m probably gonna run it over~🎶

Enmu, pushing her out of the way: 🎶IT’S ME BOY, THE PS5/SPEAKING TO YOU INSIDE YOUR BRAIN/ LISTEN TO ME, BOY/LEAVE THE GIRL/WE DON’T NEED HER/COME WITH ME AND PLAY MY GAMES/WE’LL HAVE COWBOY TIMES IN SPACE!/DODODOOO YEAHHH/YOU NEED ME BOY YOUR FREE WILL IS AN ILLUSION!!!🎶

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: Okay, I have a plan.

Kokushibo: I hope it turns out better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating raw rice and then drinking boiling water.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: *staring at a pregnant woman in public*

Enmu: She has a baby in her tummy

Rui: *gasps* *whispering* She ate it!?

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: Uno!

Enmu: Draw 4, draw 4 more, change the color to red, draw 2, draw 2 more, draw 2 more, draw 2 more, reverse back to me, uno, uno, I win.

Daki:

Daki: I hate you.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

*At a wedding*

Enmu: I thought you aren't supposed to wear white at a wedding?

Douma: I know, but it was an emergency

*Later*

Douma: I look really good in white

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Gyutaro: She was poetry, but he couldn't read.

Akaza: His name was Jared, he's nineteen.

Rui: When his parents built a strange machine.

Daki: Watch that scene dig it the dancing queen!

Enmu and Douma: AAAAAYYY MACARENA!!!

Kokushibo: ... Horrible job, everyone.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

[Enmu, Rui, Daki, and Gyutaro are sitting in a line braiding each other’s hair]

Akaza: what are you doing?

Rui: It’s a braid train! Join us!

Akaza:

(A minute later)

Kokushibo: Ah Akaza, there you are. I was won-what are you doing?

Akaza, braiding Rui’s hair while having his hair braided by Enmu: get on the braid train, coward

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu, telling Rui about MLP Lore: twilight sparkle was the main character because she represented the element of friendship

Human tied to a chair and crying: please...I just want to see my family again

Enmu: IM NOT DONE, and rainbow dash was like the sporty girl

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: I've lived a very sheltered life... but now I'm determined to get out of the nest to see the world and perfect my education, like a flock of majestic seachicken.

Enmu: Seagulls. They're called Seagulls.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: WHY AREN'T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS?!

Enmu: like everything is the same as a kids' playground but bigger!! why don't we have those?!

Gyutaro: Theme parks. Just theme parks

Enmu: But you have to PAY for theme parks!

Gyutaro: That's the adult part

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: ELECTRIC CELLO SLAPS AND I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING IT DOESN'T!

Gyutaro, just walking in: WHAT is going ON

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Have you ever wanted to just be a microwave? Just spin... and be warm... and make incoherent noises... and be useful...

Gyutaro: Are you ok?

Enmu: No please take me to therapy.

Akaza: hang on he has a point.

Rui: Spinning around and being warm sounds nice. Little to no worries

Enmu: That's Hankuna Matata for you brother

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Akaza: My music taste literally goes from punk rock to Disney film soundtracks

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu:  *presses on a button* ...Where's the kaboom?!  There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I think we should have glowstick juice injected in our bones when we're born so if we break them there's a fun little surprise.

Rui: What's the surprise?

Gyutaro: Blood poisoning.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kokushibo: I leave for one hour and come back to Douma eating gel pens and Gyutaro leaving to adopt a pet rat (also for some reason, he wants to name it Bruno)

Enmu: and I'm fortnite dancing to megalovania!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: help i tried to cook banana bread but it's on fire rn

Enmu: HOW DO YOU EVEN MANAGE TO DO THAT

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: I have been building Rui’s trust for weeks with high-fives. Today I'm going to hit him with a 'too slow'

Douma: Welcome to the real world, Rui

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: (Agressively doing ballet)

Daki: O-Oh GOD. HOW THE - HOW THE- (SOB) HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?

Gyutaro: SOMEONE CALL A PRIEST I THINK HE'S POSESSED.

Rui: ENMU PLEASE WHAT IS THE REASON YOU'RE DOING THAT

Enmu: Muzan said no ballet class so I'm protesting.

The other 3: Ohhhh.

(EVERYONE STARTS AGRESSIVELY DOING BALLET)

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: *gets hit by a shoe: OW!

Akaza: Sorry, I didn't see you there.

Douma: *gets hit by a second shoe* OUCH!

Akaza: Or there.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Did you know that ice cubes float in their own blood?

Gyutaro: I worry for you sometimes Enmu

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: *Kicks open a door* PUPPETS!

Daki: And so begins another conversation that will test the limits of my sanity.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: What about my rights?! No one said “you have the right to remain silent”!

Daki: Enmu, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Akaza: Alright people, let’s do this thing! Go Team Dynamite!

Rui: I thought we agreed we’d go by the name “Team Super-Cool”.

Enmu: As I recall, it was “Team Awesome”.

Gyutaro: I voted for “Team Alpha Wolf Squadron”.

Akaza: Alright, alright, alright! From henceforth, we shall be known as “Team Alpha-Super-Awesome-Cool-Dynamite-Wolf-Squadron”.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: WHOO! I'm so tired, I'm awake! I haven't stayed up this late in years!

Enmu: I'M GONNA KICK THAT LEAF!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I don’t get why we need driver’s training. Driving is just like Mario Kart except slower and you can’t throw blue shells at people.

Gyutaro: Please never drive

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: You have to pick your battles.

Gyutaro: One of those battles we picked was to stop Enmu and Rui from running plastic tubes all over the island and placing hamsters inside of them.

Gyutaro: They were gonna call it Tube City.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: *gets knocked out into space*

Enmu: This is so sad, Gyutaro play Despacito

Gyutaro: *plays the starting chords of Despacito on a guitar*

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: Last night I found out Enmu is a sleep talker.

Gyutaro: Oh, really?

Daki: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu, covering the phone to talk to Rui: I'm talking to my credit card company. I tried to get an online subscription to the New Yorker and they declined me. Apparently, based on my previous purchases, they assumed it was fraud. That's crazy. I'm fancy. One time I had coffee-flavored ice cream.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: I JUST REALIZED THAT WE DON'T KNOW WHAT DINOSAURS SOUND LIKE

Enmu: THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SPEAKING GERMAN FOR ALL WE KNOW

Gyutaro: it's too early for this

Douma: Guten morgen, Herr Pterodactyl.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Enmu: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

•×•

Daki: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Daki: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui, amazed: I'm a god.

Kaigaku: You yelled "shut up" at a thunderstorm and it happend to dissipate. It was purely coincidence. You have no power.

Enmu: Shut it. He's a god.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: Can you overdose on Vitamin D? Like, if you ate a lot of Vitamin D flavored Flintstone Gummies instead of going to the sun.

Gyutaro: That's how Icarus died

Enmu: iCarly died?!?

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Kokushibo: okay I know some of you dont want to do this but I signed everyone up for group therapy

Akaza: what why? nobody here needs therapy

Enmu: Akaza, are you hearing yourself right now? You keep trying to make yourself stronger, even at the cost of your own health, not to mention you crying whenever you look at fireworks at night. Don't you dare deny it, I have photographic evidence. Douma is basically just an emotionless husk trying to live and is straight up faking it till he makes it except he's never gonna make it. Kokushibo became the very thing his brother wants to destroy due to jealousy. Rui once manipulated a whole bunch of demons into becoming his family using fear tactics in order to fill the gaping family shaped hole in his heart. Daki was literally burned alive at a young age and Gyutaro wasn't able to stop it. Not to mention that I was abandoned by my mother and her pressure of wanting me to be a doctor made me go crazy and become a fake sleep doctor which soon led to me using my own treatments on myself and making me think of whether or not this is reality or a dream.

Akaza:

Kokushibo:

Everyone:

Kokushibo: ....Anyways the appointment is on the 24th, grab any tissues and comfort items, as well as pillows in case you need to punch something.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma and Akaza: *fighting*

Enmu, into video camera: Hey guys, welcome back to my Youtube channel. Today we have two girls fighting. Be sure to like and subscribe.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Akaza and Douma are fighting again

Rui: I thought I told you to leave them alone, stop making them fight with each other, they're already fighting enough!

Enmu: ... *shrugs guiltily* I like drama

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Made you all playlists!

Enmu: Kaigaku, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Enmu: Gyutaro, your's has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Enmu: And Rui has the honor of wielding the ABBA Gold album.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Yes, I am smart.

Enmu: Yes, I am stupid.

Ennu: It's called being flexible.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and i leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

Daki: I'm sorry, what?

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Rui: Enmu, why is there a normal sized carrot in this baby carrot bag?

Enmu: They need adult supervision.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Daki: Here are two pictures. One is your locker. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?

Enmu: That one's the dump.

Daki: They're both your locker!

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Douma: *walks into the room*

Akaza: Bundle up everyone, it just got partly creepy with 100% chance of annoying.

•×•~•~•~•~•×•

Enmu: Putting on more and more weighted blankets until I am finally pressed like a panini