Kato hadn't been kidding when he claimed training would become harder. Even if Jessie mostly trained with Jimmy, the old master would sometimes intervene and show them tricks they had no idea existed.

Jimmy picked everything up with dizzying speed, practicing moves well after they were technically done. It was the only thing he could do since Kato was very careful with his inner training time.

Even if she didn't like it and wished they could finish their training faster, Jessie understood. Drinking the weird tea and sinking into his own mind took a much greater toll on Jimmy then it did on her. Every time he came out of it, there was a haunted look to him that sent shivers down her spine.

They didn't talk much about it. She tried once, but he brushed her off and she was too scared to insist, especially after she realized that the experiments at the Agency facility went well beyond drugs and the physical. They had tried to brainwash him, and she wasn't sure for what purpose or how far it had gone.

As a result, she'd never felt more entranged from him, even as he became steadily warmer towards her. She could see the desire in his eyes, his need for her. For the first time in her life, it scared her, because she couldn't tell if it was love or this new and frightening need for possession.

At times, it was an actual blessing to escape inside her own head, even if it usually meant reliving the worst moments of her life.

The house was so familiar. Every instinct she had screamed at her to run, to get out of there. It had cost her so much to leave, she couldn't be back there.

But she knew she had to, because the fear of that place, of what happened there, was something she had to overcome.

"They're dead."

Little Jessie stared into the face of her aunt, her eyes wide and fearful. "Mommy and Daddy?"

"We're your mommy and daddy. They were not."

The words plunged her into darkness, into imprisonment and fear. Except she'd managed to overcome it soon enough. The darkness was her friend, the tight spaces made her feel safe. She started craving the isolation. It was better than standing her real parents.

She lashed out and misbehaved just so that they would leave her alone.

"You can't live like this, Jessica. You deserve better."

Esteban. So kind and sweet to her. The friend she needed to stand against her horrid family.

Until she showed who he really was.

His ragged breathing sounded in her ears. Her entire being recoiled, fighting to escape, not be dragged back there. She'd buried it, put it behind her.

"No." Kato's voice broke through, as if he were in that room with her, watching Esteban forcing himself between her legs. "This is what you must face, what you must overcome."

"I can't." Her teeth clattered as she stared up into Esteban's face, the satisfaction on it, the predatory glint in his eyes.

"You must. Turn it into your strength."

She knew what followed. The stinging, the pain, the shame. How could she turn that into her strength? But as much as she tried, the image wouldn't go away this time.

"Face it!"

Face what? She didn't think she could even remember it properly, and yet she found herself able to see every microexpression on his face, feel his body on top of hers.

She wanted to die. Die before she ever felt this helpless again.

Esteban was replaced by Lee Hannigan as he ran his hands over her, pushed her harder against the glass.

Then Jimmy was there. The darkness in her mind lifted and Hannigan disappeared. He hadn't managed to do anything to her except threaten, and as much as she hated him for it, there was nothing.

"Nothing there. Nothing happened."

"Something did happen. You're dreading this."

It was just that it triggered memories of Esteban and she didn't like feeling cornered and helpless. But Jimmy had saved her. Just like he had from her nightmares.

Jimmy watched her, his gaze filled with desire. "Jessie, I don't have--"

She put her finger on his lips. "I don't care. I'm all in."

But the moment the words were out, she was terrified. It was true, she was his, heart and soul, but that didn't mean that she didn't fear the pain that would follow.

He kissed her, the leaned in and whispered. "I love you so much. And I swear to you that as long as I live, no one is ever going to hurt you."

"No."

He'd been right. He'd given her the chance to stop it, to say no, and brought her to a place she wouldn't even dream of it. Never in her life had she thought it could feel that way. He was her strength.

"No."

Her protector.

"Jessie, no."

The image of Jimmy smiling down at her, his eyes hazy, his hair messy, was replaced by Kato's stern face.

Jessie blinked, but she was not out of her training trance yet. They stood in complete darkness. Jimmy was also there, but frozen, like a statue.

"This is what you must overcome," Kato said. "This dependency of him."

Jessie frowned, the usual terror and anxiety the training brought replaced by annoyance. As much as she tried to understand and justify Kato's opposition to their relationship, it didn't bother her any less.

"What are you talking about?"

Kato circled Jimmy and studied him as if he were a statue. "He cannot be your strength."

Jessie bit her lip to keep in the sarcasm. Or most of it anyway. "I love him. We're in a serious relationship."

Kato raised his eyebrows. "I caught that. But he is out there. He cannot be in here."

She gritted her teeth. "That's how love works. He is in here."

Kato pulled out a katana and handed it to her. "He must not be. You are your own person. It is not fair towards him to be dependent."

She raised her hands, refusing the weapon. "Look, it's not that--"

"Your love builds a partnership. A connection outside your inner being. Inside, it is only you."

Jessie swallowed heavily. She understood where he was going with this, that he wanted her to be her own person, without any outside interference, but she wasn't sure she was.

Deep in the heart of her being, something growled, unchecked and dangerous. The serum, just waiting to gain enough power and pounce. Jimmy was like a gatekeeper for it, for all her weakness.

"That must be you." Kato presented her the sword again, and this time, she took it. "Slay him."

The words rang around the darkness and they awakened Jimmy. He tilted his head, watching her with curious eyes. Her hands shook.

He's not real. Just inside my head. It's symbolic. It's-- it's--

This was different from all she'd gone through, so much harder. Because even with what happened with Esteban, she'd managed to find strength in it.

"What strength?"

"I learned to live with it, not let it bring ne down."

"Yes, that is correct."

"I'm not a victim," she whispered. "I was one, but used the pain as my strength."

"And it is that which drives you, not him. End it."

She lifted the sword. Her elbows shook so badly, she couldn't aim. Couldn't let it fall, couldn't kill him even inside her head.

The trance dissolved and she found herself in the training room, legs crossed, panting her lungs out. Kato was in there with her, but he stood leaning against the wall, a small wooden cup held in his palms. He shook his head when her eyes rested on him.

"Again," he said.

"Again?" She could barely speak. "I can't go again." Not when he'd always insisted they needed breaks after these experiences.

"You are too close to a breakthrough to quit."

It didn't matter. She couldn't do it.

"You must gain your inner independence," he said with a shake of his head. "It is the only way to access your true potential."

She shook his head. "I can't kill him. I know what you mean, that it's metaphorical and everything--"

Kato reached out the cup. "It is not. You need it as much as he does. If you truly love him, you must treat him as an equal partner, not a crutch for your insecurities. You rely too much on him, he is your weakness."

"He is not! And do you even have any idea what you're talking about?"

Unexpectedly, Kato stood and walked to the kitchen. Before Jessie could decide whether to follow, he was back and shoved a photograph under her nose. It was of a younger version of him, smiling next to a beautiful girl with black hair and eyes who looked young enough to be his daughter.

"This is who I had to kill to find my inner peace," he said, his voice twisted with pain. "Do not tell me you cannot do it with him."

"Is she...?" Jessie couldn't get the question out, but it didn't matter. The look on Kato's face said it all. "I'm so sorry."

"I did not show you this for you to be sorry. I showed you so that you would realize that you can." He put the photo down and pushed the cup of tea at her again.

Jessie took it with a trembling hand and drank it. He was right. She wasn't weak. And she was going to prove it.

🏯

Jimmy watched the door of the house, the frustration building up inside him. It ignited something else, something that was becoming harder to control. The all-consuming energy was still there, and after being initially silenced by training and chopping massive amounts of logs, it refused to be fooled.

He shut his eyes tightly, doing his best to push it back. The black hole inside him was so small, it was more like the tip of a needle now. And yet, it was as dangerous as ever, just waiting to open up and swallow him again.

Kato wasn't helping, what with refusing to subject him to the same training as Jessie and keeping her away from him for long stretches of time. Yes, he'd learned new tricks and his balance was better than ever, but he was aware that the important part of his training was the trances Kato sank them into.

His were filled with nightmares. Memories he thought he'd long forgotten about fear and abandonment came to the forefront, and Kato's chant that he had to beat them didn't help much. He wished he could move on from his childhood because he'd long accepted it was what it was and he'd left it behind as such. And yet, the misery was still there, just buried so deep within him, he'd thought it was gone.

And yet, at the moment, he'd rather have the crappy memories than this. His muscles ached and he could feel the blood flowing through him, bringing with it the dire need to do something. As much as he tried, he'd never been any good at controlling his impatience.

Just keep going. He couldn't even feel the axe in his hand. Keep going until when? They'd been there for nearly two weeks and nothing important had changed. He wasn't progressing madly, surely heading for an outcome that would ensure their success. They were just wasting time. Were the others even alive?

He fooled himself that he'd feel it if something happened to Jerry, but he was so far removed from his past, from himself, that he wasn't sure he could still recognize his brothers when he saw them.

This was crazy. Stupid. Useless.

The axe slipped out of his hands. They were shaking, not from fear or weariness, but from a dire need to be used for something productive. There was nothing. He'd already repaired all he could in Kato's house and garage. The old man was pleased with how well his TV suddenly worked.

I need to run.

But Jessie had asked him not to. Where was Jessie? Why was Kato keeping him away from her so insistently? What was he afraid of? The more he thought about it, the more silly the ki theory sounded. What did Kato care anyway?

He needed to move.

"He needs to go faster. Make him go faster."

"This is is. It won't go faster."

Jimmy shut his eyes again, but when he opened them, he could still see grey walls and IV tubes.

"Pump in a little more."

"I'm not sure that's safe."

"Look at him! He's in top form. More!"

Always more. Always voices he couldn't place, couldn't connect to any faces. Were the men even there or did they speak to each other from behind a safe wall, not caring if he could hear them or not because they were sure his mind was long gone?

His muscles ached, his head pounded, and no mater how long he looked at his own arms, he still felt the needles inside his skin.

"It's over," he whispered. "I'm no longer there. I'm me now."

But it didn't feel that way. His skin prickled and his muscles spasmed like they needed to run on that treadmill, to jump, to hit, to prove themselves useful. He wasn't meant to stop, rest, and the paltry actions he was now undertaking were not enough. He'd tried to fool himself that they were so he could respect Jessie's request, but it was all a lie.

Where was she anyway?

She belongs to you. The world owes it to you.

"No." He picked the axe up again and resumed his chopping.

As crazy as he was getting again, he wouldn't forget the look on Jessie's face when he'd lost it. She didn't belong to him. The world owed him nothing.

And yet, two logs later, the axe slipped out of his hands again. This time, not to the floor of the shed, but across the yard and into the wall of Kato's house.

Rage bubbled up inside him, hard to control. A log followed, then another, each hitting the wall of the house with a deafening crash.

He needed Jessie. Where was she? Why wasn't she coming out? Didn't she care about him?

The thought put him in motion and he strode to the house. His legs moved fast, with purpose, as if grateful he was finally putting them to good use. He needed to run.

Kato appeared in the doorway, his bushy eyebrows bunched together. "What are you doing?"

"Where's Jessie?" he asked. The words tumbled out of his mouth, barely intelligible.

The old man shook his head. "You need to calm down."

Like an answer, thunder rang around them. The grey clouds above them rumbled, twisting and turning like the coiling body of a giant serpent. Like his insides, always in chaos.

"I need you to move," Jimmy said between his teeth.

"You need to control yourself. Only once your mind has full control over your body can you--"

"Fuck that." Jimmy grasped Kato's shoulder and pushing him out of the doorway. 

The man fell over the two steps to the ground, and Jimmy made his way inside the house. His vision tunneled, darkening at the edges, and everything seemed to be getting further from him, but he pressed on. His entire body burned, and the air felt stifling. He took his hoodie off and threw it to the side, continuing his way. Down the hallway, through the kitchen, and he finally reached the dojo.

Jessie sat cross-legged on the opposite side of the room, sweat dripping down her brow, her face scrunched up in concentration and pain. Her skin was pale, the freckles on her cheeks more visible than ever.

The image of her gave him solace, and for a moment, he felt like himself again. Then the relief was replace by rage as he realized whatever she was doing, what she was seeing, hurt her.

He strode across the room and knelt next to her. The moment his hand touched her shoulder, she flinched, but didn't open her eyes. There was a photo next to her, one of a slightly younger Kato and a young woman. But it couldn't be the reason Jessie was whimpering.

"Jessie?" he whispered. His heart hammered against his ribs and his throat felt so tight, he was sure he would suffocate. He needed her to open her eyes, to look at him and smile. Assure him that he could beat this, that everything would be okay.

She didn't move, the lines on her face deeper, her breaths becoming shuddering.

"Jessie?" He shook harder, trying to get her to look at him. 

When her eyes opened, they were hazy and unfocused, the green of her irises faded. She didn't look much like Jessie. The moment her gaze focused on him she frowned. The heel of her hand struck his shoulder and he stumbled back, falling on his ass.

"I did it," she whispered like she hadn't just knocked him over. There was a dreamy quality to her voice, as if she was talking from inside a well. "It was maybe the hardest thing I've ever done, but I did it. I killed you. I no longer depend on you."

He had no idea what she meant, but before he could process the words, he shut down. The pin prick opened up into a large void that swallowed him whole. There was nothing but darkness. His lungs burned and he felt frozen, helpless. Desperate.

What have I done? He had to fix it.

Flashes of calculations came to the forefront together with random parts of a satellite he was trying to fix. Why weren't they showing him everything? What did they even need sockets for? Seven sockets for seven jewels. Reverse prism. Instead of dividing the light in colors, channel it and point it wherever they liked.

The full image of the satellite danced in front of his eyes together with the realization of what he'd done.

They locked him up for it, tried to kill him. He couldn't breathe. And everything went spinning inside that void which held him captive, helpless.

Needles, lights, darkness, pain. And Jessie pushing him back, killing him.

I should have asked her to marry me.

That was a lie. That Jessie no longer existed. Just like the Jimmy who had stepped out of the space station one last time was dead as well. He had died out there. They'd only kept this imperfect shell. This machine which short circuited.

Voices rang inside his head, but he couldn't make sense of them. He pushed through, moved as much as possible, just to make sure he still could. And once cold air filled with the tingle electricity hit his face, his vision could finally focus.

He was outside. He needed to move.

Around the garage and up the narrow stone path that led into the mountains. Faster and faster he went, until his muscles screamed in protest, until his lungs burned as badly as they did in the void. And with the pain came relief. With relief came the frustration and the fear.

Why was this happening again? He was supposed to get better.

He stopped. He'd reached the top and the wind blew much harsher up her, biting into his skin. He barely felt it through his panic, through the feeling that everything was in vain. The old Jimmy was gone, and he would never be that person again. No wonder Jessie had killed him, whatever that meant.

His eyes strayed to the castle again. There were lights coming from some of the windows, and once a lightning bolt cut the stormy sky, he could see black dots keeping watch.

"Hey."

Jessie's voice made him jump, but he didn't turn to her. The crumbling building held his attention, a ruin of a once beautiful place. Like him.

"Your climbing speed is enviable," she said, but he could tell she wasn't approaching. For a moment, she was silent. "Look, I know what I said sounded weird, but I was still half in that trance--"

"You should kill me," he mumbled and turned to her. "I'm not getting better."

Her eyes widened the tiniest bit. "Yes, you are."

"It doesn't matter that the hole is getting smaller. It can open up and swallow me just as efficiently."

"Is that what happened?"

I needed you and you were too busy with training. I couldn't get your help and I went insane. That's not normal! But he just kept staring at her. He wasn't sure he wasn't insane right now.

Jessie's lower lip trembled and she rubbed her arms. "Please talk to me."

"I don't know how."

"You used to have no problem. We told each other everything."

"I'm not that person anymore."

She marched to him and took his face in her hands. "Yes you are. Not that exact person, but someone very similar. You've just been through so much that you don't know who to trust anymore."

"How could you kill me?" The words were out in all their pathetic glory before he could stop them.

"Did you get there in your training?"

He shook his head. "I'm still at the facing my crummy past stage."

She sucked air through her teeth. "I'm sorry. And I'm also sorry that you'll have to get past that to know what I meant. But I want you to know that I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

"Maybe that's not enough Jessie." The castle had lost its charm. Instead, she now glowed like the sun, and frustration built up inside him again. "I know a lot has changed and--"

She pressed her lips over his, silencing him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close against him and kissed her back. The feeling was heavenly after all the time they'd skirted around each other.

She pulled away, drawing shallow breaths. "Whatever happened and whatever might have changed, don't you dare for one single second doubt the fact that I love you--"

"I know you love me--"

"And that I want you so much it hurts. We just can't right now."

And it was driving him insane when one energy turned into another and there was no way to silence it. "I don't believe Kato's bullshit."

Her gaze drifted over his shoulder, towards the castle. "Even if I sort of agree, I don't want to risk it. We don't have that much time. We need to get in there and get the others out."

She made such a good point. And yet, at that moment, all he wanted to do was damn reason. But he could tell it wasn't all him wanting her, needing her so much. It was his sense of entitlement, the craziness inside him which craved for her.

"We'll be fine, Hotstuff," she whispered. "I'll speak to Kato and tell him to speed up your training as well. If he can push me like he did today, he should give you the same opportunity. And once we're at our best, we'll get in there and get everyone out."

He nodded, and turned away from her, his eyes back on the castle. He didn't fully believe it would go that smoothly. Not when he could still crack, not when everything felt like a calm before the storm. Even if they were technically in the middle of one.

"Hey." She came behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "It's okay to be afraid."

It was. Because it was proof he was still human.

🏯🏯🏯

Surprise update! Because I decided I wanted to move along a bit and get to the good stuff. The story is finished anyway and I need the drive for more writing.

So you get to see what Jimmy and Jessie are up to. Kato's training is fairly brutal, but how much longer do they have? And why isn't it helping Jimmy as much as it should?

Any thoughts and theories are very welcome. We get the title bomb next chapter 😁

Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed and give me any and all thoughts.