"There is no such thing as [running] forever."

=====

Rating:

PG-15

Genre:

Angst, Romance, Comedy

Main Characters:

Park Yoochun

Kim Junsu

Minor Characters:

Shim Changmin

Kim Kibum

Kim Jaejoong

Jung Yunho

A/N: Some characters won't be showing up for a long time so don't hold your breath. Thank you for reading!

=====

“Why is he here?” The old man demanded in an aggressive voice, his eyes glaring at the two younger males standing in front of him.

“I know, I promised this wouldn’t happen again, but my brother is sick today. I don’t want him to be home alone. He’ll be good this time; he’ll just sit in the corner and…”

“The last time you told me that, he turned my restaurant upside down just to catch a dog!”

“You shouldn’t have allowed a dog in the restaurant in the first place.”

“It was a seeing-eye dog! I don’t care! He’s not allowed in here!”

“Please…”

“No!”

The taller young man turned to look at the shorter young man who was holding his hand tightly. The taller man turned back to look at his employer.

“Then I guess I’m not allowed in here either.”

The taller man led the shorter man out of the restaurant while the employer shouted to their disappearing backs, “Fine! I don’t need you! You were the one who begged me for this job in the first place!”

=====

“Why are we here?”

“It’s been too long. You need this.”

“I need to find Xiah.”

“I know, but for now, we can only have what we’re allowed. Let’s go.”

They waited in line for a silent three minutes before climbing aboard the roller coaster.

“Xiah loved roller coasters.”

“That’s why we’re here. Remember him. Remember how he loved roller coasters, remember how he loved to shout out all his problems, remember how he wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself like this.”

“I’m not hurting myself.”

“Eating one meal per day, sleeping less than five hours, working yourself to the ground is the same as hurting yourself.”

“I want…I need to find him.”

“I know.”

They remained silent again as the roller coaster began to take off. It started fast and it ended just as fast. It just wasn’t the same.

“They have cameras that capture a part of the ride. Let’s go find our picture.”

Not wanting to disappoint the other man, he forced a smile, “Okay.”

They followed the crowd to the row of digital screens, eyes passing over other people’s pictures and searching for their own. Both gasped when they saw a familiar face that didn’t belong to either of them.

“It’s Xiah!”

Chapter 1

“You look tired. Are you tired?”

“Just a little.”

“I’m not tired anymore. I’ll give you a power hug and you can have some of my energy.”

Park Yoochun smiled when those long arms encircled him. In a soft voice, he murmured, “What if I take all of your energy?”

“That’s okay! I have a lot! We can share!”

Yoochun chuckled and knew that no matter how tired he felt, he would never give up. “You have so much energy to share. That means you’re feeling better, right?”

“Yep! I’m not sick anymore! You don’t have to worry about me!”

“That cold medicine worked then?”

“No, the yucky stuff didn’t work! I think I’m not sick anymore because of you!”

“I’m not a doctor.”

“No, but you hug me when I was cold so I got better really fast. You’re the bestest medicine!”

Yoochun laughed again and ruffled the other man’s hair. “Okay, go wash your hands. I’m going to prepare dinner.”

“Are you sure? You’re tired. I’ll make dinner!”

Yoochun’s eyes shifted left and right. “Um…Junsu, ‘cereal’ isn’t dinner food.”

The shorter man’s eyes turned sad and Yoochun smiled at the cuteness of his pout. “But I’m craving cereal anyway. Let’s eat cereal for dinner tonight.”

Those fish-shaped eyes lit up. “Really?”

Yoochun chuckled, “Yes, really.”

“Okay! I’ll go get you a big, big bowl!”

Yoochun watched Junsu run into the small kitchen while he remained seated in the small living room. It was a small apartment, but it was cozy…and safe.

Yoochun picked up the newspaper that was sitting on the old coffee table. He turned to the ads section and began to search for a job that he could apply for. He was already working two other jobs that were enough to pay for rent, food and utilities.

But he wanted another job for some extra money he could save up. It was a tough search, but Yoochun definitely wouldn’t go back to work at that restaurant (not after his ex-employer refused to let Junsu stay in the restaurant).

Yoochun had been so angry that he wanted to punch his ex-employer. He became even angrier when he pulled Junsu out of the restaurant and the younger man had asked Yoochun, “Did I make you lose your job?”

Yoochun had immediately replied, “No, Junsu, no. I didn’t want to work for him anyway. He’s not nice.”

“Oh, if he’s not nice then I don’t want you to work for him. You should have a nice boss, Hyung,” Junsu had started to smile again and that defused Yoochun’s anger.

Yoochun knew that, in the past, he would have thrown his fist at the jerk without a second thought. But now, he couldn’t afford to do that: one, because it might draw attention; two, because Junsu didn’t like violence.

If Junsu didn’t like it, Yoochun wouldn’t do it.

=====

Yoochun thought he imagined the weight that caused his bed to dip, but soon realized that it was a person. He opened his sleepy eyes and craned his head to see Junsu.

“Junsu? What are you doing?”

“Sleeping,” the younger man replied as he slid under Yoochun’s blanket.

Yoochun turned his body under the blanket so that he faced Junsu. “Is there something wrong with your room? Is it too cold?”

“Yes,” Junsu laid his head down on the pillow and Yoochun pushed himself up so that he was in a sitting position.

Yoochun could have sworn that Junsu’s room was warmer than his own. He’d given Junsu that room on purpose, because it was the better of the two bedrooms.

“Okay, well, you can sleep in my room then. I’ll be in your room if you need anything,” Yoochun explained as he climbed off the bed.

Junsu didn’t say a word; he just stared at Yoochun with a weird expression. Yoochun smiled warmly and wanted oh-so-much to lay a simple kiss on Junsu’s forehead. But he didn’t.

“Good night, Junsu.”

Yoochun dragged his tired body across the small hallway to Junsu’s room. He didn’t close the door, just walked into the room and threw himself on the bed.

Just as he was about to fall back asleep, he felt the familiar dip of the mattress again. “Junsu? What are you doing?”

“Sleeping,” the younger man replied again as he threw the blanket over Yoochun (who was too tired to do so) and himself.

Yoochun hadn’t moved from his lying position, too tired to want to get back up. Junsu shimmied closer to Yoochun and latched himself onto the older man’s arm. Junsu’s stuff bunny was being squished between Junsu’s chest and Yoochun’s arm.

“Is it too cold in my room too? Want me to grab you another blanket?” Yoochun turned his head to look into Junsu’s eyes.

Junsu was lying on his side so he only had to look ahead to get a good view of Yoochun’s side profile. With a small smile (like a kid asking for candy), he said, “Can I sleep with you? It’s cold when I’m sleeping alone.”

Yoochun blinked, unsure of how to react. “Are you still sick? I thought you said you were better.”

They’d always had their separate rooms. It wasn’t until recently when Junsu came down with a fever that Yoochun shared his bed (to keep him warm and to make it easier to take care of him).

Yoochun wanted to coo at the cuteness when Junsu faked a cough. “I’m still sick.”

A smile easily touched Yoochun’s lips, “Junsu, what did I tell you about lying?”

“Lying is bad,” Junsu’s eyes lowered to look at the stuff bunny that was between them.

“You’re lying.”

“I don’t want to sleep alone.”

“You have Mr. Bunny.”

“He’s too small to keep me warm.”

Yoochun chuckled and wondered if this was just a phase that children go through. “Okay, you can sleep with me. Just don’t kick.”

Junsu’s grin could have lit up the whole room. “Don’t worry! I won’t hurt you!”

He tugged Mr. Bunny down a little so that the stuff rabbit clung onto Yoochun’s elbow. Junsu laid his head on Yoochun’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

Yoochun tilted his head to look at the sleeping angel. He found himself recalling the first time they’d shared a bed…

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

After tucking Junsu into bed, Yoochun went through the whole small apartment, peeking out the windows to check out the surrounding, and turned off all the lights.

He eventually settled in his own bed and was ready to sleep. But, being trained as he had been, he heard the quiet footsteps.

Nerves stretched too thin by the recent events in his life; Paranoia dragging down his heart, he grabbed the gun that was hidden under the pillow and turned to point it at the intruder.

Yoochun’s heart stopped when he saw Junsu standing at gun-point, staring at the gun with wide frightened eyes. Then the younger man broke into tears, crumbling to a pile of despair.

Yoochun dropped the gun on the middle of the bed (something he’d never do in the past), and leapt off the bed to gather Junsu in his arms.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Junsu! I thought…I thought you were someone else. This is a bad neighborhood, so I thought you were someone bad. I didn’t mean to point the gun at you, I didn’t. I’ll never hurt you. Never.”

Yoochun was relieved when Junsu clung onto him, soaking his shirt with tears. If Junsu had pushed him away, Yoochun didn’t know what he would do.

Yoochun cradled the younger man and whispered soft words, shocked that he was even capable of soft words.

When the sobs died down to cute hiccups, Yoochun placed a hand under Junsu’s chin to make the younger man look at him. His thumb brushed away tears, unsure of what to do. Those moist, innocent eyes were just so…captivating.

“Are you feeling better?” he spoke in a voice that sounded so foreign.

Junsu nodded, one of his fists releasing Yoochun’s shirt in order to rub his own eyes.

Yoochun glanced at his silver watch, “It’s late. Let’s get you back into bed so you can sleep.”

Junsu suddenly grasped onto Yoochun’s shirt with two fists again, shaking his head left and right. He looked like he wanted to cry again and that scared the breath out of Yoochun.

“Okay, you don’t want to go back to your room,” Yoochun guessed, because Junsu wouldn’t speak (he hadn’t spoken since he woke up at the hospital). “What do you want then? Are you hungry?”

Junsu shook his head left and right, bangs falling over his eyes. Yoochun was hesitant, but he brushed those bangs aside.

“What do you want then? Tell me,” the older man found himself whispering. It was as if he was begging Junsu to speak.

Junsu’s eyes shifted slowly before settling on Yoochun’s bed. Yoochun couldn’t quite understand, “You want to trade rooms? You want my bed?”

Yoochun didn’t want Junsu sleeping on that bed. The bed in Junsu’s room was bigger and more durable. This one was rusty and small.

Junsu shook his head left and right again. His forehead showed creases and Yoochun wanted to smooth them away. “Tell me then.”

Junsu lowered his head, staring at nothing. His hands still held a fistful of Yoochun’s shirt. He opened his mouth for three seconds, but closed it soon after.

“Tell me,” Yoochun urged (begged) softly.

Junsu raised his head to look into Yoochun’s eyes. He tried again, “I…”

It came out as a high-pitch squeak and Junsu immediately clamped his mouth shut. His face turned pink as if he was embarrassed.

Yoochun felt a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips (but he didn’t smile). “It’s okay. Keep trying.”

Junsu blinked as he nodded. He opened his mouth again, like a baby speaking for the first time. “I…I’m…I’m afraid…of the dark…afraid.”

This was a tiny, old apartment. Junsu’s room was slightly bigger and better, but it lacked a window while Yoochun’s room had a large window where the moonlight was allowed to invade.

Yoochun was used to sleeping in a dump like this, but the eerie silence and bleak darkness was too much for a man with the mind of a child.

“I’ll find us a better apartment tomorrow,” Yoochun said.

Junsu shook his head as if that wasn’t the answer he wanted. “Afraid…can I…sleep with Hyung?”

Chapter 2

Yoochun blinked, glancing over at the small bed. It wasn’t impossible, but it might be really uncomfortable. “I don’t…”

“Please?”

Yoochun made the mistake of looking into those innocent, pleading eyes. So many people have given him this look in the past, but this one looked truly genuine.

Yoochun surrendered, “Okay.”

Before he knew it, Junsu had released his shirt and ran for the bed. The twenty-four year old man jumped onto the small bed and Yoochun was surprised that it didn’t crumble from the impact. It almost made Yoochun want to laugh (almost).

Yoochun walked over to the bed where Junsu was already bundled up on a majority of the mattress. He settled on the small space that was left and used his own arm as a pillow (Junsu had taken the blanket and pillow).

He made a mental note to find a better apartment and to buy a nightlight tomorrow.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

After driving four hours south, he found a better apartment and bought a nightlight for Junsu. They’d continued to move around and constantly changed locations, but Yoochun always made sure there were two separate rooms (and at least one room had a comfortable environment for Junsu).

Funny, how things have changed ever since. For example, tonight, Junsu didn’t steal Yoochun’s blanket and pillow; he was sharing.

Yoochun chuckled at the memory. Then he thought about the days when he didn’t even smile, much less chuckle.

He didn’t want to go back to those days.

=====

“What do you want to do today?”

“You don’t have to go to work?”

“The office is closed on weekends and I don’t have to go to work until five for my other job,” Yoochun explained. He didn’t bother to say that since he didn’t have a third job, then, yes, he’s free to enjoy time with Junsu right now.

“Can we go to the theme park again?” Junsu grinned sweetly.

“We went there the day before yesterday and you went on the roller coaster five times!” Yoochun reminded.

“But I like it!” Junsu pouted.

“It’s not good for you. Let’s do something less extreme,” Yoochun suggested. He didn’t like roller coasters in the first place, and he didn’t want Junsu on that dangerous ride again (because, while Junsu wasn’t afraid to jump in the seat and throw his arms around, Yoochun was afraid for him).

During one of those five rides, Junsu was so hyper that Yoochun thought he might break the seatbelt and fly out of the seat! Yoochun would have jumped out of the seat with Junsu…but it’s best to avoid such things like Death.

“Can we go eat lots and lots of cake and ice cream?”

“Do you want cake or ice cream?”

“Ice cream cake!” the younger man cheered loudly and people walking pass them began to stare. They might wonder why this grown man was acting like a child. Yoochun knew that he wasn’t acting.

“Okay, ice cream cake.”

“Yay!” Junsu cheered again as he hooked an arm around Yoochun’s arm to tug the older man forward.

Yoochun found himself running through the crowded sidewalks (to keep up with Junsu) and knew that he must look ridiculous. But a smile still appeared on his lips.

=====

“Okay, I’m off to work. Remember to eat dinner on time and shower before you go to sleep.”

“You’re my Hyung, but you sound like my Mommy,” Junsu pouted.

Yoochun smiled as he ruffled Junsu’s hair. “If you were my son, I’d be happier than the happiest person on Earth.”

“Eww! I don’t want to be your son!” Junsu paused before bending over slightly so that his face was leveled with Yoochun’s stomach. “How would I be born anyway?”

Yoochun burst into a laugh. “You’re too weird. Go watch T.V.”

Junsu grinned, poking Yoochun’s stomach really fast before running off to jump onto the sofa. Yoochun jolted backwards because of the sudden jab at his six-pack. But it wasn’t a bad thing.

Yoochun used to hate any sort of physical contact with other people. But these days, he didn’t really mind.

Yoochun left for work and Junsu continued to stare at the T.V. while stuffing pieces of dried mango into his mouth.

At the end of the cartoon, Junsu was humming along with the theme song. The bag of dried mangos was empty. There was rustling sounds outside the apartment.

Junsu jumped off the sofa and peeked out through the peeping hole. He saw a girl wearing his favorite color (pink) from head to toe. There was a bunch of boxes that she was trying to drag into the apartment that was across from his and Yoochun’s apartment.

She looked like she needed help.

So Junsu opened the door and walked out to offer help. “Hi, do you need help?”

The girl stopped dragging the heavy box and looked up at Junsu. Her eyes went wide and she performed a small whistle. “Wow, if the landlord had told me that I’d have such a hot neighbor, I’d have moved in sooner!”

Junsu scratched the back of his head, unsure of what the girl was talking about. He wasn’t hot. As a matter of fact, winter was just around the corner so why would Junsu be hot?

“Um…can I help you?” Junsu said, sounding like he was making a request rather than an offer.

“Yes! Please!” she grinned and nodded, her pigtails flopping cutely. Junsu had an urge to play with her hair, but knew that Yoochun would lecture him about the action being ‘rude’.

So Junsu just smiled and stepped forward to help her drag box after box into her new apartment. Most of the contents were clothes, shoes, and stuff animals. One particular box caught Junsu’s attention so he stared into it for a moment too long.

“You like those magazines? You can borrow them if you want,” the girl offered.

“Really? I like to read, but I finished all the books in my home. My Hyung hasn’t had time to buy me more.”

“There are books under that pile too. You can borrow the whole box!” she said.

Junsu’s eyes grew bright. He really did love to read. “Thank you!”

He picked up the box of magazines and books and ran back to his apartment before the girl could say another word. She stood in her new apartment looking shocked and wondering why such a (hot) grown man was acting so childish.

=====

Yoochun unlocked the door quietly because he didn’t want to wake Junsu. It was 2:15 in the morning right now (the bar that he worked at didn’t close until 2:00) and Junsu should be sound asleep.

Yoochun walked to Junsu’s room and expected to see him bundled up on the bed. But Yoochun didn’t see Junsu in the room.

Was Junsu in Yoochun’s room again? He’d asked to sleep with Yoochun last night, but Yoochun didn’t expect it to be a repetitive (or long-term) request. Yoochun walked to his own room to find out.

Junsu was indeed in Yoochun’s room. He opened the door in time to hear the shuffling and to see Junsu pull the blanket over himself, pretending to sleep. Junsu probably thought Yoochun didn’t catch his mischief.

Yoochun raised an amused eyebrow as he gently sat down on the edge of the bed. “Junsu, are you asleep?”

No response, except for a fake snore. Yoochun tried not to laugh. With a dramatic sigh, he said, “Since you’re asleep then I’ll eat that chocolate cake by myself.”

Junsu pushed the blanket off and sat up immediately, “Chocolate cake?”

He was met with Yoochun’s raised eyebrow, “Not asleep?”

Junsu lowered his head and pouted, realizing that he had been tricked. “No fair, you tricked me.”

Yoochun chuckled as he ruffled Junsu’s hair. “Why aren’t you asleep? It’s really late.”

“I was…reading,” Junsu confessed.

Yoochun found it awfully cute that Junsu always told small lies, but would so easily confess the truth immediately afterwards. Yoochun liked knowing that he could read Junsu like a book.

“Are you rereading an old book? I’ll take you to the bookstore tomorrow to get new books.”

Junsu just nodded. The book, or whatever Junsu was reading, was hidden under the blanket so Yoochun couldn’t see which book it was. All Yoochun could see now was that it was late and he needed to sleep.

“Go to sleep, reading in the dark is bad for your eyes.”

Junsu nodded again and watched as Yoochun stood up to walk into the bathroom. He uncovered the magazine from under the blanket and placed it in the small drawer next to the bed. He lied down and prepared to sleep.

Fifteen minutes later, Yoochun had gone through his nightly routine and was settled on the bed next to Junsu. Their backs were toward each other.

Yoochun closed his eyes.

“Hyung, how do people make babies?”

Yoochun’s eyes shot open and he sat up immediately, staring with a dropped jaw at Junsu’s back. “What?”

Junsu turned his body, lying on his side, so that he was facing Yoochun. “I was reading about…”

“What? From where? I thought I only bought you literature!”

Junsu sat up and reached into the drawer to pull out the magazine. “This.”

Yoochun grabbed the magazine from Junsu’s hands and his jaw dropped even more (if that was possible). It was a girly gossip magazine that involved anything from dating to…more.

“Where did you get this?”

“Our new neighbor let me borrow it,” Junsu informed.

“New neighbor?”

Yoochun never lectured Junsu about talking to strangers, but then, Yoochun wasn’t very experienced in being a child’s guardian.

“She’s really nice and she has pretty hair. I like her hair,” Junsu commented.

“Why did she let you borrow this?”

“I helped her move boxes.”

Yoochun wondered if he should be worried. They were pretty far from the town where people could recognize Junsu, but still…

“Hyung, are you mad at me?” Junsu lowered his head sadly.

Yoochun felt the guilt punch him in the gut. He quickly masked his expression and wiped off the frown. “No, Junsu, of course not. It’s nice of you to help her.”

Junsu smiled immediately and Yoochun realized how much he loved the simplicity of making Junsu smile.

“She’s really nice,” Junsu nodded approvingly.

Yoochun smiled weakly, “Did you read all this already?”

Chapter 3

“Did you read all this already?”

“Half of it.”

“Okay, don’t read anymore. It’s not good for you. We’ll go buy books for you tomorrow.”

“But it’s fun to read and I’m learning new words.”

Yoochun’s eyes shifted to the dictionary that was sitting on the top of his drawer. Why didn’t he realize it was there before?

Then he turned his head to see the nightlight in the corner of his room. Was Junsu starting to move his belongings over to Yoochun’s room? But wasn’t the ‘sleeping together’ thing just temporary?

Would he come home tomorrow and see Junsu’s clothes in his closet?

Yoochun was too tired to think about it. Even more, he didn’t want to know what ‘new words’ Junsu was learning from the gossip magazine.

“It’s late. Let’s just sleep,” he sighed. “Good night, Junsu.”

“Good night, Hyung!”

He threw his arms around Yoochun for a quick hug before sliding back under the blanket, his back towards Yoochun. Yoochun glanced at the stuff bunny that sat right between their pillows.

Sighing, Yoochun slid back down under the blanket, lying on his back. He listened to Junsu’s leveled breathing and closed his eyes. He fell asleep with a smile on his lips.

=====

Yoochun loved weekends. He only needed to work night shifts at the bar so he had the morning all to Junsu.

He was cooking breakfast when Junsu walked in, hair sticking up in all directions. His bottom lip was jutting out and he had a fist rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Hyung, what are you doing?”

Yoochun smiled at the cute sight. “Making breakfast.”

“But it’s still sleeping time.”

“It’s almost ten. I told you not to sleep so late at night,” Yoochun said as he turned back to the stove.

He nearly jumped when he felt the close presence behind him. Junsu chest was against his back and the younger man was resting his chin on Yoochun’s shoulder. He was looking over Yoochun’s shoulder. “What are you making?”

Yoochun blinked. Was it him or was Junsu getting a lot touchier lately?

Yoochun brushed off the thought and replied, “Your favorite. Go brush your teeth.”

“I’m hungry,” Junsu whine and Yoochun suddenly felt the arms circling around his waist.

“You’re not getting out of brushing your teeth. Go,” Yoochun nagged. What was it with children and not wanting to brush their teeth?

“Hyung…”

“Do you want to lose all your teeth? No, so go clean them.”

“Can you brush for me?”

“You have to learn to be a big boy. Now go. I’ll give you an extra slice of dessert later.”

“Okay!” Junsu cheered before releasing Yoochun’s waist and running towards the restroom.

Yoochun laughed and had to wonder if the whole thing was Junsu’s plot to get that extra slice of dessert. Junsu might have the mind of a child, but he was far from stupid.

Yoochun recalled why Junsu now had the mind of a child and immediately felt the pit in his stomach. He pushed the thought away and went back to trying to make the best breakfast in the world.

Several minutes later, the doorbell rang.

Yoochun went to open the door. Through the peephole, he saw a girl dressed up in green from head to toe (green headband, green tank top, green skirt, green knee-high socks, green heels, even green earrings and bracelet).

“Can I help you?” Yoochun inquired when he opened the door.

“Woah! Two hot neighbors!” the girl grinned with sparkling eyes.

“Pardon?”

“Hi, my name is Heebon! I’m your new neighbor!” she extended her hand for a shake.

Yoochun looked at the thick green bangle on her arm. He shook her hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“Where’s the other hot guy?” Heebon stood on her tiptoes to look over Yoochun’s shoulder.

Yoochun found himself growing defensive. “He’s busy. If you need more help with moving then I can help you.”

“Oh! He told you? It’s okay, he helped me move everything yesterday. I just wanted to take him to breakfast to thank him. You should come too!”

“I already made breakfast so…”

“It’s you!” a high pitch voice interrupted them. Both turned to see Junsu running out to join them at the entrance.

“Hi!” Heebon greeted with just as much enthusiasm.

“Hyung, she’s the girl I was telling you about!” Junsu happily informed Yoochun.

Yoochun felt bad. In the past months, they’d been moving from one place to another. Junsu never got the chance to make friends. Seeing him so happy to see Heebon right now made it difficult for Yoochun to intervene.

“Heebon, would you like to join us for breakfast?” Yoochun invited.

“Really?” Heebon and Junsu chorused with dancing eyes.

Yoochun smiled, “Yes.”

“Yay! Come in!” Junsu took Heebon’s hand and pulled her into the apartment. They settled at the dining table while Yoochun brought out the food.

“What’s your favorite cartoon?” Heebon was saying.

“I like Mashimaro! He’s a bunny, you know? I like bunnies!” Junsu replied. “What’s your favorite?”

“Mickey!” Heebon cheered loudly.

Yoochun nearly dropped the bowls in his hands. Both turned to stare at him. Feeling uneasy, Yoochun cleared his throat and mumbled a quick, “Sorry.”

When he disappeared back into the kitchen, he could hear the two continue to ramble about cartoons.

“You mean the mouse?” Junsu said.

“Yes! Mickey Mouse! He’s the coolest!” Heebon giggled.

Yoochun heaved a sigh and stared out the window. It’s been so long since he heard that name.

And he didn’t ever want to hear that name again…ever.

=====

“Hyung, am I really tall or are you and Heebon really short?”

“What do you mean?”

“Heebon said that she’s twenty-two, but she’s so much shorter than me. How old are you, Hyung?”

“Twenty-seven.”

Junsu stopped for a moment to count his fingers. Then he said, “I’m only eight so why am I almost as tall as you?”

Yoochun tried to mask the guilt in his heart. “You’re…special. You grow at a faster pace than other people.”

Junsu nodded. “Is that good or bad?”

“Depends on how you look at it.”

“How do you look at it, Hyung?”

“I think it’s a good thing,” Yoochun smiled.

Junsu nodded to indicate that he understood. “Okay! If Hyung says it’s good then I will say that it’s good!”

“Grab your jacket. Let’s go to the bookstore.”

Junsu’s face brightened and he ran into his room to grab a jacket. When he ran out, he had one arm in the jacket while the other arm was still searching. He was trying to run and put his jacket on at the same time.

Yoochun chuckled and easily walked over to assist him. The older man zipped up the jacket and swept some hair behind Junsu’s ear. “We need to get you a haircut.”

“But I want to grow my hair out, like Hyung’s hair,” Junsu raised his hand to touch Yoochun’s soft locks.

“You don’t have to be like me. Just be yourself, Junsu.”

“But I want to be like Hyung.”

Yoochun felt ashamed. “No, Junsu, you don’t want to be like me. You’re better than me.”

Junsu blinked in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

“You’ll understand when you’re older. Now let’s go.”

Yoochun turned to walk out of the apartment. He felt Junsu’s smaller hand slip into his own; turned his head to see Junsu’s beautiful grin. That automatically made Yoochun smile.

They walked (rather than drove) to the bookstore. Junsu stepped closer because of the cold (it’d decided to snow today). The weather was so unpredictable, almost as unpredictable as the future.

Yoochun pushed the thought away and concentrated on finding the bookstore. It wasn’t far.

Once they were in the bookstore, Junsu ran to the familiar literature section. They’d been to this bookstore once, but Junsu practically had the whole place memorized. While he searched, Yoochun went to the mini café to buy hot chocolate.

He paid and thanked the cashier. When he turned around, he bumped into someone and nearly dropped the cups in each hand. But he didn’t drop them.

“Looks like you haven’t lost your agility,” came the voice of the person who’d bumped into him.

Yoochun hated the voice and he hated the owner of the voice even more; he hated what the man symbolized from his past. With a frown, he stepped out of the way and towards a small table in the corner of the mini café (it was in the same building as the bookstore). The other person followed him, taking a seat across from Yoochun.

“I didn’t invite you to sit.”

“Just like you didn’t invite me to hunt you down, but hey,” the person shrugged casually, “I was never one to care for invitations.”

“Why are you here?” Yoochun’s frown deepened.

“Don’t ask questions that you already have answers to.”

“Changmin…”

“Glad you still remember my name, Micky.”

Yoochun frowned at the name.

Chapter 4

“It hasn’t been that long…”

“It’s been long enough,” Shim Changmin cut him off. “But then, what’s YOUR definition of ‘enough’?”

“How did you find me?”

“I have my ways, Micky. And if I can find you then that means other people can too.”

Yoochun knew who those ‘other people’ were and he didn’t like it one bit. “We’re going to keep moving then.”

“You can only run to the end of the Earth and even then…there’s an ‘end’.”

“I don’t need your philosophy.”

“Don’t be stupid, Micky.”

Yoochun didn’t like that name at all.

“Don’t mind any business that isn’t yours, Changmin.”

“How can your life not be any of my business? I’m your best friend!”

“Then you’ll do what’s good for me. Leave and pretend you never found me.”

“Do what’s good for you? Finding you and waking you up is the ‘good’ that I need to do for you!”

“Hyung?”

Both turned their heads to see Junsu walking to their table. Changmin’s unreadable eyes were on Junsu the whole time while Junsu shimmied over to Yoochun. His head was lowered because Changmin’s gaze was scaring him.

Yoochun stood up and took Junsu’s hand, disregarding the two cups of hot chocolate sitting on the table. “Let’s go, Junsu.”

“‘Junsu’?” Changmin cocked an eyebrow at the name. Junsu looked at Yoochun to ask why.

Yoochun just used his other hand to take the stack of books from Junsu and led him to the cashier counter. Junsu followed and looked back to see that the stranger wasn’t following them.

“Hyung, who is he?”

“Just a stranger.”

=====

“Hi.”

Junsu planted his feet on the sand to prevent the swing from moving. He looked up at the tall stranger. “Hey! You’re the stranger from the bookstore!”

The tall man looked amused at the term ‘stranger’. “Yes, I am. Your friend was so nice to have treated me to hot chocolate yesterday.”

“He’s my big brother,” Junsu corrected.

“Big brother?”

“Yep!” Junsu grinned, looking so proud and happy.

“My name is Changmin. What’s your name?”

“Junsu,” the man sitting on the swing answered. “But I think you already know that.”

“I know a lot of things,” Changmin assured.

“Really? Do you know everything? Can I ask you a question?” Junsu was grinning like a cute little boy. In his own mind, he really was a little boy.

“No one can know everything, Junsu. But I’ll try to answer what I can,” Changmin said.

Junsu had a thoughtful look on his face for a moment, as if unsure of the meaning behind Changmin’s words. So he stopped trying to figure out what it meant and jumped into asking his question, “If three cats catch three mice in three minutes, how many cats would be needed to catch one hundred mice in one hundred minutes?”

Junsu recited the riddle at a fast speed. When he finished, he waited for the other man to ask him to repeat it because he’d said it TOO fast. The man didn’t ask.

He answered, “The same three mice because each mice averages one mice per minute. If they’re given one hundred minutes, then they’ll be able to catch one hundred mice.”

Junsu gasped and then stood up so he could continue to stare at the man with admiration. “You’re the first one to get that! You’re so smart!”

Changmin wasn’t sure how to react. All his life he’d been admired by others for so many things, but this was the first time he’d been admired for solving a riddle that he’d heard when he was eight.

“Junsu!”

Yoochun ran towards them and stepped right in between Changmin and Junsu, shielding Junsu from Changmin.

“Hyung! You’re back! This is Changmin. He’s so smart! He solved the cat and mouse riddle!” Junsu informed with excitement and admiration.

“He solved it because he’s so familiar with being a cat,” Yoochun glared at Changmin.

“Are you the mouse?” Changmin raised an eyebrow at him.

“Cat or mouse, we still stand on opposing sides,” Yoochun retorted. Junsu scratched the back of his head in confusion.

“I’m not the cat and you’re not the mouse.”

“Are you not here to catch me?” Yoochun challenged.

“I chased you all over South Korea for your own good. Cats hurt the mice that they catch. I’m not here to hurt you,” Changmin reasoned.

“Just stay away,” Yoochun warned. He took Junsu’s hand and left the playground.

Junsu was still confused, unable to register what the whole conversation was about. Was it another riddle?

=====

“Heebon? Where are you going?”

“My boyfriend got a promotion at work so I need to go to Tokyo with him!”

“What are you going to do about the apartment? You signed a six month contract, didn’t you?” Yoochun reminded.

This complex required a minimum six month contract and Yoochun wasn’t fond of it when he found out. But Junsu had liked the area (mostly because it was near the park with a playground and the bookstore).

And Yoochun figured that Junsu must be sick of moving all the time. They were a safe distance away from where anyone might recognize them so Yoochun agreed to the six month contract. Junsu had been so happy that Yoochun brushed away all uncertainties.

“I did and I already paid for a month’s worth of rent. Luckily, my brother just came back from America and is willing to move in and pay me back for this month’s rent!” Heebon explained.

“Your brother is so nice! Like my brother!” Junsu grinned at Yoochun. Yoochun smiled at the compliment.

“Yeah, but he’s not as hot as your brother,” Heebon paused. “Or maybe I just don’t think he’s hot because he’s my brother. That’d be weird, wouldn’t it?”

“You’re not allowed to think that your brother is hot?” Junsu inquired. He’d learned this new meaning of ‘hot’ when Heebon explained it to him yesterday.

“You can, but not in the way that you would think of another guy as ‘hot’. I mean, he is my brother so it’s pretty gross if I call him ‘hot’ and want to kiss him.”

“Stop confusing him, Heebon,” Yoochun interrupted.

Heebon didn’t want to confuse Junsu so she simplified it, “In other words, it’s not normal to fall in love with a sibling.”

“Hmm,” Junsu hummed as he rubbed his chin, eyes looking upward. Yoochun could practically see the wheels turning in Junsu’s head. When he was thinking hard about something, he’d look upwards at nothing.

“Okay, that’s enough of that. Do you need help moving your belongings out?” Yoochun offered.

“No, my brother and my boyfriend did a lot of moving this morning,” Heebon informed. They heard noises outside of Yoochun and Junsu’s apartment. “That must be my brother moving his stuff in right now.”

Junsu was still sitting there pondering what Heebon was talking about while Yoochun and Heebon walked to the door. Yoochun opened it and indeed, another man was moving stuff into the apartment.

“Oppa!” Heebon greeted.

Heebon’s brother stopped pushing boxes and turned to look at Heebon. He completely ignored his little sister when he saw Yoochun (who was standing next to Heebon).

“Holy smokes! Is this your neighbor? If you’d told me that your neighbor was this hot, I’d have moved in sooner!”

Yoochun raised an amused brow while Heebon giggled. “Great minds think alike!”

“Hello, name’s Kibum. Nice to meet you,” the man had taken long strides towards Yoochun and was now shaking his hand.

Yoochun glanced at the sight of his own hand being sandwiched between both of Kibum’s hands. “Yoochun.”

“That’s a hot name!” Kibum complimented.

“Um…thanks, you too,” Yoochun wasn’t sure how to react.

That was when Junsu finally gave up on pondering about the whole ‘fall in love with sibling’ thing and joined them at the entrance of the apartment. Junsu’s eyes were on the two hands that refused to let go of Yoochun’s one hand.

“Junsu, this is my brother!” Heebon introduced.

“Hi, name’s Kibum. Nice to meet you.”

“Hi, Kibum,” Junsu smiled, but not as friendly as usual because he was still distracted by the ‘hand holding’.

“This is Junsu,” Yoochun introduced to Kibum while trying to retrieve his own hand. But Kibum wouldn’t let go.

“Hi, Junsu. Are you Yoochun’s roommate?” Kibum inquired.

“I’m his brother,” Junsu answered.

“Oh! Sweet, for a moment there, I thought you two were a couple!” Kibum grinned happily.

Junsu’s eyes rolled up towards the ceiling and Yoochun knew he was pondering something again. Yoochun tugged a little harder and finally managed to get his hand out of Kibum’s hold.

Heebon kindly came to the rescue. “Come on, Oppa, let’s finish moving your stuff in before I leave for my date.”

Kibum was still ogling Yoochun (who felt uncomfortable) when Heebon pushed him back to their own apartment. Yoochun closed the door so that he and Junsu were alone again.

Junsu was still standing there staring at the ceiling.

“What are you thinking about now?” Yoochun inquired as he laid a hand on the younger man’s back and led him to sit on the sofa.

“Can we eat pizza tonight?”

That caught Yoochun off guard. For a moment there, he thought Junsu was thinking about what Kibum had said (the possibility that Yoochun and Junsu was a couple). What a silly thought.

“Pineapple and ham on your pizza?” Yoochun smiled.

“Yes!” Junsu cheered happily.

Chapter 5

Yoochun’s eyes flew open the second he felt Junsu move. He squinted to see Junsu sitting up and breathing hard.

“Junsu? What’s wrong?” he murmured as he started to push himself up. But he couldn’t get very far because Junsu suddenly jumped onto him, squashing him back onto the mattress. “Junsu?”

“Scary,” Junsu mumbled, face buried in Yoochun’s chest. “Dark and scary.”

Yoochun looked down at the mass of hair and ran his hand through the soft locks. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Junsu nodded. “Bad, bad dream.”

“What was it about?” Yoochun spoke softly.

“Nothing,” Junsu replied. “Opened my eyes, tried to open my eyes, but didn’t see anything.”

Yoochun was confused and started to worry. He expected a common nightmare like falling or no more candy in the world. “Nothing?”

“Only black. So dark, Hyung.”

“Your eyes were open, but you only saw darkness?”

Junsu nodded again, his forehead resting against the area above Yoochun’s heart. Yoochun wasn’t sure how to interpret that dream.

“It’s okay. It’s only a dream,” Yoochun explained, placing a hand on Junsu’s shoulder to try to settle the younger man back on his own pillow.

Junsu wouldn’t move. Instead, he turned his head to the side and rested his ear against Yoochun’s heart, using Yoochun’s chest as a pillow. “Good night, Hyung.”

Yoochun blinked at the softness of Junsu’s tone. From his voice, Yoochun could hear that the fear was gone. If allowing Junsu to use him as a pillow made the fear go away then…Yoochun wouldn’t mind.

He stopped trying to push Junsu off. He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

=====

“I thought I told you to stop following me,” Yoochun frowned the moment he saw Changmin standing outside his apartment.

“What are you talking about, Mr. Park? I’m here to take a look at an apartment. Staying in a hotel for an extended amount of time can be very expensive,” Changmin replied innocently. “And something tells me that I’ll be staying around here for a while.”

“There are only two apartments on this floor and they’re both taken,” Yoochun assured.

“You must not know that your neighbor has a room out for rent,” Changmin smirked and Yoochun wanted to punch him.

Changmin rang the doorbell to the apartment across from Yoochun and Junsu’s apartment. Kibum opened the door, wearing happy-face PJ pants and a white T-shirt. He looked at Changmin for a quick second before turning to grin and wave at Yoochun.

“Hi, Chunnie!”

“Kibum, you’re renting out a room?” Yoochun inquired immediately. The last he checked, the rent for this apartment wasn’t that expensive.

“Yea, the extra room is just sitting there anyway so I might as well rent it out for some extra shopping money,” Kibum gladly explained. Then he turned to look at Changmin, “Were you the one who rang my doorbell?”

“Yes, I’d like to rent the room,” Changmin answered, amused that Kibum had ignored him for a moment there.

“Be careful who you rent the room out to, Kibum,” Yoochun hinted, frowning at Changmin.

“You two know each other?” Kibum looked from Yoochun to Changmin.

That was when Junsu figured out that Yoochun was back from work and had walked out to greet him. “Hyung!”

“Hi, Junsu,” Kibum greeted, without the cute wave this time (Changmin noticed).

“Hi, Kibum. Hey! You’re the guy from the bookstore…and the park!” Junsu grinned, proud that he remembered.

“Hello, again,” Changmin tilted his head slightly while radiating a charming smile.

“Let’s get back in, Junsu,” Yoochun urged.

“See you later, Chunnie!” Kibum grinned, waving farewell. Yoochun had an uncomfortable expression on his face, but he gave a small nod and quickly closed the door.

Kibum and Changmin were left standing in the small hallway.

“So…should I be renting out the room to you or not?” Kibum raised an eyebrow at the taller guy.

“I’ll pay for two-thirds of the rent and clean the apartment once a week,” Changmin drawled. “You can kick me out if I ever do anything you disapprove of.”

“Really? That good? Should I be doing a background check on you? Will I find that you’re a murderer in the form of a really tall dude?”

Changmin found Kibum amusing. “Feel free.”

Kibum’s lips transformed from a straight line into a curved one. “Deal!”

=====

“Hyung, is it just me or is Kibum really, really nice to you? Does he not like me?”

Yoochun blinked in confusion. “Why would you think that?”

“He only said ‘see you later’ to you. He called you ‘Chunnie’.”

“Kibum is just…extremely nice,” Yoochun tried to explain. “And it’s not that he doesn’t like you. He’s just…more respectful to people who are older than him.”

“Oh!” Junsu smiled, relieved that Kibum didn’t dislike him. “I understand now. He’s older than me, but he’s younger than you.”

“Yeah,” Yoochun replied, but his eyes glanced at the door. He wondered if Kibum agreed to let Changmin rent the room.

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“Is something wrong with the door?”

Yoochun stopped staring at the door and turned back to look at Junsu. He extended his arm to ruffle the younger man’s hair, “What have you been up to all day?”

“Just reading,” Junsu replied with a smile, happy that Yoochun’s attention was back on him.

“Which book did you read?”

“I didn’t read any of the books. I read from all those cool magazines that Heebon gave me. She says I can keep them because she can’t take them to Tokyo with her. Hyung, where’s Tokyo?”

Yoochun couldn’t find the courage to meet Junsu’s eyes. The pit in his stomach grew when Junsu asked that question. Junsu had spent two years at a Tokyo University for God’s sake, but now he was asking where Tokyo is.

Yoochun decided to ignore that topic. “Why are you reading those magazines? I thought I told you they were bad for you.”

“They’re interesting,” Junsu replied bluntly.

“Junsu…”

“Will you let me read them if I do it behind your back?” Junsu tried to bargain. Yoochun raised an eyebrow at him so he continued, “It’s not like I’m lying and telling you that I’m not reading them.”

“You’re getting pretty good with your arguments.”

Junsu grinned. “I want to be a lawyer when I grow up. I just finished reading a book about lawyers. They’re the coolest people ever…except not a cool as you.”

Yoochun knew he shouldn’t be laughing when he was lecturing Junsu about reading gossip magazines, so he clamped his lips together to form a thin line. “Reading those magazines aren’t going to help you become a lawyer,” Yoochun tried to sound serious.

Junsu decided to steer the topic away from ‘no reading magazines’. “You really think I can be a lawyer? Lawyers are so cool! They help lots and lots of people!”

Yoochun didn’t know if he should tell Junsu that in reality, a lawyer wasn’t a likely hero. In reality, most lawyers were antagonists.

Junsu’s misunderstanding of lawyers reminded Yoochun of Junsu’s misunderstanding of Yoochun. Lawyers weren’t as kind and heroic like Junsu thought they were. Yoochun wasn’t anything that Junsu thought he was.

=====

“Morning, neighbor.”

Yoochun finished locking the door and looked up to meet the annoying owner of the annoying voice.

“Hi, Chunnie! Are you off to work?” Kibum interrupt the battle between glare and smirk.

Yoochun glanced at the two luggage that Kibum and Changmin were about to carry into the apartment. He sighed and mumbled, “Have a good day, Kibum,” before walking down the stairs.

Kibum opened the door and helped Changmin take one luggage in. Changmin carried the other.

“Chunnie doesn’t seem to like you.”

“Maybe he doesn’t like that you’re calling him ‘Chunnie’.”

Kibum tapped a finger on his chin and thought about it. Then he said, “No, that can’t be it.”

Changmin rolled his eyes. “Thank you for your assistance. I can take it from here.”

Changmin took the luggage out of Kibum’s arms and walked towards the room he had rented. He intended for Kibum to leave him alone. Kibum followed him into the room.

“You only have two pieces of luggage? I had a billion boxes to move in.”

“I don’t plan on staying long,” Changmin replied in a dull tone as he settled his belongings in a corner. He cocked an eyebrow at the other man when Kibum jumped onto his bed.

“So tell me, do you think Chunnie is gay?”

“Excuse me?”

“Chunnie; do you think I have a chance with him?”

Changmin looked at the other man’s thoughtful grin; he looked like he was day dreaming. With confident eyes, he assured, “No.”

=====

“Junsu! Junsu! Junsu!”

Junsu placed the magazine down on the table and ran to open the door. He pulled the door open before remembering that Yoochun would lecture him about not being careful of who was knocking.

But that’s okay. It was just Kibum.

“Kibum!” Junsu grinned.”Hi!”

“I made rice cakes, want to share?” Kibum held up the plate of desserts, extremely colorful and pretty.

“Really? You’d share with me?” Junsu felt so happy.

“Of course, doesn’t it make you feel like I’m an older brother to you?” Kibum hinted as he danced into the apartment.

Junsu was about to close the door when he saw Changmin walking out of Kibum’s apartment. “Hi, Changmin!”

Changmin walked over to the shorter man, “Hi, Junsu.”

Chapter 6

“Kibum made rice cakes, want to share?”

The taller man craned his neck to look into the apartment. He saw Kibum sitting on the couch with a plate of rice cakes. The guy was taking action already!

“He didn’t make those, they look too good,” Changmin drawled. Then his eyes were on Junsu, “Don’t be so naïve, Junsu.”

Junsu looked into Changmin’s eyes and wondered why he looked so serious when he spoke that last statement.

Kibum glared at his words, “Be nice.”

“Um…” Junsu wasn’t sure what to do. He grabbed Changmin’s arm and pulled the man into the apartment, “Come in.”

Changmin didn’t seem accustomed to having another man (or anyone) hugging his arm and dragging him to the couch. He didn’t like any kind of physical contact. So he walked faster and settled himself in the one-seat sofa.

Kibum thought it was mean that Changmin just pulled away so suddenly, but Junsu didn’t seem to notice.

“What do you guys want to drink?” Junsu inquired.

Kibum decided to completely ignore the moody, tall guy. “Soda, please!”

Junsu’s lips turned into a small pout, “Sorry, Hyung doesn’t like me drinking soda. He says it’s not good for me.”

“Chunnie doesn’t like soda? Then I don’t like soda either. Come, sit down, Junsu,” Kibum pulled Junsu to sit down next to him. “Tell me what Chunnie likes.”

Junsu looked confused while Changmin rolled his eyes.

“Kibum, why do you call him ‘Chunnie’?”

“Because it’s cute!” Kibum smiled, eyes crinkling. “Do you only call him ‘Hyung’?”

“Yeah, because…he’s my hyung.”

“Really? So, like, real brothers?”

“Huh?”

“Stop confusing him,” Changmin interrupted.

Kibum glared at Changmin for a quick second before turning back to Junsu. “I mean, you two have the same parents?”

Junsu blinked. “Well, yeah, he told me that he’s my Hyung.”

Kibum nodded in understanding. Changmin frowned, because he knew that Yoochun was a liar.

“I can call you ‘Hyung’ too, right?”

“Of course!” Kibum immediately agreed. Then he snickered, “‘Hyung-in-law’ would sound good too.”

“What?” Junsu wasn’t sure he heard correctly.

“Nothing!” Kibum laughed cutely. “So tell me more about your Hyung.”

Changmin scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I have some errands to run.”

“You’re leaving already?” Junsu looked up at him with sad eyes.

Changmin had to shift his eyes to avoid seeing the look in Junsu’s eyes. “Yeah, besides, your Hyung wouldn’t like seeing me in your home.”

=====

“You always liked being alone. But when was the last time you’ve truly been alone?”

“I’ll be ‘alone’ when you leave.”

Yoochun finished wiping the glass mugs and hung them up on the silver rack. He turned his back to Changmin to adjust the placement of the alcohol bottles.

“Yoochun! Tequila! Two!” someone shouted. Yoochun easily reached out for the proper glasses and necessary ingredients to make two orders of the beverage.

“You like to go to a bar or a café and sit there for hours by yourself. That’s when you’re truly alone. But these days, you work and then you go back to the apartment to take care of Junsu,” Changmin continued to speak as he finished another bottle of beer.

“I spend time with Junsu,” Yoochun corrected. He didn’t like that Changmin made ‘take care of Junsu’ sound so much like a chore…like something troublesome.

“You used to make a million per job. Look at you now, working yourself to the ground with two jobs and searching for a third.”

Yoochun turned to fix drinks for two more orders and allowed himself to glare at Changmin. He wasn’t even going to bother asking how Changmin knew about his job searching. “It’s still a job,” Yoochun retorted.

“That one job didn’t require you to work so hard and it paid so much more. Go back…”

“I won’t go back,” the older man cut in, his eyes reflecting determination.

“Why do this to yourself?”

“Do what? I’m not hurting myself.”

“It’s a matter of perspective.”

“We have opposing perspectives.”

“Give me another beer,” Changmin turned his eyes away, irritation on his handsome face.

“Why do this to yourself?” Yoochun repeated the question that Changmin had asked him.

Changmin turned back so that his eyes were on Yoochun. “I don’t want to see my best friend suffer. Good luck doesn’t happen all the time, Micky.”

Yoochun popped the lid off another beer bottle and placed it in front of Changmin. “Bad luck doesn’t happen all the time either.”

=====

“Stop following me.”

“I live across from you.”

Yoochun frowned at the tall man who was like a ghost from his past. He’d have to continue to fend off Changmin. Too bad the both of them were more stubborn than mules.

He and Changmin were alike in many aspects. And that was why they worked so well together in the past. But that was the past.

Changmin was opening the door to his and Kibum’s apartment while Yoochun unlocked the door to his own. He expected Junsu to be asleep because it was nearly 2:30.

And Junsu was asleep when Yoochun opened the door, only the younger man was cuddled up with Kibum on the sofa. Both looked like sleeping children, curled up and all they lacked was the sucking of their thumbs.

“Interesting,” Changmin said and Yoochun noticed that he had walked across the short hallway to look into the apartment.

Yoochun frowned. “Ever heard of privacy?”

“Oh, please, Junsu pulls me into the apartment when you’re not around.”

Yoochun sighed, knowing he couldn’t be angry at Junsu for doing that. “Just…carry Kibum back.”

“Why? They look cute.”

“Changmin,” Yoochun warned. He’d had enough of the ‘sparring with words’ with the taller man for tonight.

“I miss hearing that,” Changmin smirked, referring to the tone Yoochun had used to say his name.

Changmin followed Yoochun towards the sofa. Junsu’s head was on Kibum’s shoulder so Yoochun gently lifted Junsu’s head, hoping the younger man won’t get a neck cramp tomorrow morning.

“Let’s just wake them up,” Changmin said.

“Why?” Yoochun inquired and Changmin stared at him with a slightly dropped mouth. Yoochun was far from being the ‘gentle’ type back then. Changmin knew Yoochun has changed since then, but he didn’t expect this much change.

“You care too much. It’s not going to hurt them to wake up and walk to their rooms. And they’re not children, Micky.”

Yoochun’s eyes widened and he shot Changmin a warning look. “Don’t ever call me that in front of them.”

Changmin glanced down at the sleeping Junsu. He sighed, “Fine.”

“Look, just carry Kibum back. I need to get Junsu to brush his teeth,” Yoochun glanced at the bag of snacks and one leftover piece of rice cake on the coffee table.

“Unbelievable, Yoochun! You sound like a mother!” Changmin exclaimed in a whisper, mumbling a curse word as he ran a hand through his mass of hair.

“Don’t cuss. Just leave.”

Confused and irritated, Changmin roughly picked Kibum up (bridal style) and carried the man to the other apartment. Kibum woke up and squinted, “Huh?”

“Go back to sleep,” Changmin ordered.

Kibum turned his head to see what was going on. “Why are you carrying me?”

“Because making you walk isn’t ‘motherly’,” Changmin grumbled.

Kibum noticed Changmin’s irritation. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Changmin kicked open the door to Kibum’s room and walked towards the bed. He threw Kibum onto the bed.

“Ouch! That’s not very ‘motherly’ either,” Kibum pointed out.

“Go brush your teeth and sleep,” Changmin ordered before walking out of the room and closing the door. He walked to his own room and plopped down on the bed.

Call it disappointment, call it whatever. Changmin was pissed off. Wouldn’t you be pissed off if you saw the man you’ve always admired (tough, smart, prideful, skillful, etc.) acting like a mother with a child? A man who could be doing so many great things was living in a small apartment taking care of a child!

Changmin didn’t expect Micky to have changed this much. What happened?

Has Micky changed so much (enough), that Changmin won’t be able to pull him back?

=====

“You ate a lot of snacks and the rice cakes had a lot of sugar,” Yoochun urged in a soft voice as he walked Junsu to the bathroom.

“Hyung, I want to sleep!” Junsu pouted.

“Right after you brush your teeth. Come on,” Yoochun put the toilet seat cover down and settled the sleepy man on it. He walked to the counter and dabbed the toothpaste onto the pink toothbrush. “Come here, Junsu.”

“Hyung,” Junsu sulked, eyes barely open.

Yoochun chuckled and finished filling the cup with water. He took Junsu’s hand and pulled the younger man up. “Come on, I’ll brush with you.”

Junsu gave in and picked up his pink toothbrush while Yoochun put paste on his own green one. “Let’s see who can brush the cleanest, okay?”

Motivated by competition, Junsu nodded. He started brushing his teeth fiercely while Yoochun went at a normal pace, smiling at Junsu’s childishness.

Then his thoughts suddenly wandered to Changmin. Yoochun didn’t miss the disappointment in Changmin’s eyes. Yoochun didn’t blame him.

Chapter 7

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“The adrenaline rush is priceless! Thank goodness you were there!” Changmin smiled, breathing hard with sweat glistening on his young skin.

They were in a dirty and dark ally, but Micky could still see the admiration in Changmin’s eyes. Ignoring the compliment, he reached into his pocket to pull out a cigarette.

Changmin immediately pulled out a lighter, looking ever so eager to be able to do something for Micky. Micky didn’t show a sign of gratitude, just allowed the rookie to light the cigarette.

Holding the brown stick of addiction to his lips, he saw the blood on his knuckles. They weren’t his own blood.

“Your moves were awesome back there! Can you teach me?”

Micky released a breath of smoke as he glanced at the younger man, seeing all there is to see in those dark brown eyes; seeing those eyes that stared at him as if he was a God.

“Don’t view anyone as an idol; it will only blur your analysis of them.”

Changmin blinked in confusion, not quite understanding. But he was still young. His dark brown eyes haven’t seen everything that Micky’s heart has seen in his life.

Micky threw his cigarette down and crushed it before walking away.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Changmin had always looked up to Yoochun, wanting to be like Yoochun. But now all he saw was his idol acting like a…

Yoochun blinked and realized that Junsu was finished. The younger man was grinning at him with a victorious expression.

“I win! You have to spend the day with me tomorrow!” Junsu cheered.

Yoochun finished rinsing his mouth before saying, “When did we make that rule?”

“We didn’t. I did.”

“You’re getting bossy,” Yoochun teased.

Junsu just giggled. He latched onto Yoochun for a quick hug before running out of the bathroom, yelling, “Good night, Hyung!”

Yoochun stood there, frozen for a moment. Then he recalled, “Wait, Junsu, you still need to floss!”

He grabbed the container of floss and ran out to hunt for Junsu.

=====

“Junsu, when is Chunnie’s birthday?”

“Um…”

“You don’t know?”

Junsu felt horrible. He’d never thought about this before. How could he not know?

“I don’t know. Hyung never told me,” Junsu confessed, eyes sad.

“Hmm, let’s see…” Kibum tapped at his chin as the wheels in his head began to turn. “We can try to find out!”

“Why don’t we just ask him?” Junsu blinked.

“It’ll be more fun if we find out on our own! And if it’s close, we can give him a surprise birthday party! Something tells me his birthday is around this month, because people born in this month are compatible with my astrology sign,” Kibum grinned proudly.

Changmin walked out of his room in time to hear the statement. He scoffed loud enough for the two to hear.

“Hi, Changmin hyung!” Junsu waved with a grin.

Changmin didn’t look at Junsu. He turned his head to match Kibum’s glare, “I was born in this month, but I don’t think I’m very compatible with you. Astrology is crap.”

Junsu looked sad that Changmin had ignored him. Kibum was angry at Changmin for so much: scoffing rudely, ignoring Junsu, calling ‘astrology’ crap, being so tall, etc.

“Don’t use language like that,” Kibum exclaimed. Changmin wondered when Kibum had finally realized that Junsu had the mind of a child (and wasn’t just an immature adult like Kibum himself).

“It’s a free world.”

“What’s wrong with you today? Is it the time of the month?” Kibum retorted.

“Time of the month?” Junsu wondered out loud. What does that mean?

“It’s nothing,” Kibum told Junsu. “Just ignore him. Let’s brainstorm how we’re going to find out when Chunnie’s birthday is.”

Junsu was reluctant to ignore Changmin, especially if it seems like Changmin is upset about something. “Changmin, would you like to brainstorm with us?”

“Don’t be nice to the meanie!” Kibum tugged at Junsu’s sleeve.

Changmin didn’t allow himself to look into Junsu’s sincere eyes. He focused on Kibum’s glare. It makes things easier.

He walked out onto the balcony to light a cigarette and listen to the wind (and the two whispering voices from the living room).

When the wind blew towards Changmin and caused smoke to enter the living room, Kibum became distracted. He stopped doodling with Junsu and went to retrieve a fan from the closet.

Junsu sat there wondering why Kibum needed a fan when it was so cold outside. Then he watched as Kibum quietly adjusted the height of the fan, placed it right behind Changmin, and turned it all the way up.

Changmin cursed himself for not realizing Kibum’s presence (he was usually better than that, but thoughts of trying to get Micky back were distracting him). The fan’s power hit his back immediately and when he turned around, the light of his cigarette was practically out, leftover ashes being blown away.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to prevent us from being victims of second-hand smoking,” Kibum answered, chin up and proud of his task. He gave a little, ‘hmph!’ before turning on his heel and walking back towards Junsu.

=====

Yoochun felt incredible tired, but was still smiling. He was excited to see Junsu’s reaction to the dessert he’d bought.

He walked into the apartment and didn’t see Junsu. Yoochun heard noises from his room and followed the lead.

He walked into a messy room and just in time to see Junsu pull out a large, yellow envelope that Yoochun had wanted to keep hidden forever. Junsu was sitting in that corner, staring down at the plastic card that he’d pulled out of the envelope.

Yoochun’s eyes widened. He dropped the box in his hand and ran to grab the plastic card from Junsu.

Junsu looked frightened for a moment (because he didn’t know Yoochun was home). Soon he began to look shocked by Yoochun’s reaction. “Hyung?”

“What are you doing?” Yoochun demanded.

“I was…cleaning the room?” Junsu lied.

“Junsu,” Yoochun spoke in a stern voice.

“I wanted to find anything that will tell me when your birthday is,” Junsu confessed, his head lowering.

Yoochun felt guilty immediately. “Sorry, I just…don’t like people going through my stuff.”

Junsu nodded. “Sorry, Hyung.”

Yoochun sighed and all anger left him. He knelt down next to Junsu and hugged him (the gesture was so…automatic). “Sorry.”

He’d expected to just wrap an arm around Junsu’s shoulders for a quick hug. But when he was about to end the embrace and pull away, Junsu wrapped his arms around Yoochun’s waist to keep him in place.

“Sorry, Hyung. Please don’t be angry,” Junsu murmured as he buried his face in Yoochun’s chest.

“I’m not angry at you. I’m not,” Yoochun assured. He was angry at himself. He wanted to make Junsu feel better so he joked, “I can’t be angry. You told me I look ugly when I’m angry, remember?”

Junsu giggled and Yoochun loved the sound. It was so easy to make Junsu happy again, but Yoochun cherished it every single time.

“I change my mind. Hyung doesn’t look ugly. Hyung looks scary.”

“I’d rather look ‘ugly’,” Yoochun drawled and Junsu laughed again. Then he recalled their current position, sitting in the corner of the room and…somewhat hugging. “Um…Junsu…”

Junsu didn’t catch Yoochun’s hint. He didn’t move (or remove) his arms. Instead, he asked, “Hyung, why is your name ‘Micky’ on the card? That’s an I.D. card, isn’t it? It looks like my own I.D. card.”

Yoochun clutched tightly onto the plastic card in his hand, wishing he could crush it into ashes (crush his past into ashes). And Yoochun knew he’d have to explain to Junsu why he had gotten angry when Junsu saw the card.

It just hurt because he wouldn’t be able to tell Junsu the truth.

“The I.D. is not real. I…was a bad kid when I was younger and I got this fake I.D. so that I could do bad stuff. ‘Micky’ is a fake name. I didn’t want you to know about it because I…don’t want you to see how bad I was when I was younger. That’s why I was angry when I saw you holding it.”

Yoochun felt Junsu’s head nod against his chest. In a smiling voice, Junsu said, “It’s okay, Hyung. You’re a good person now. You’re still the best Hyung.”

Yoochun closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of Junsu’s head, running a hand through the younger man’s soft locks.

It’d never hurt this much to tell a lie before. It shouldn’t hurt at all for a person who was so accustomed to telling lies, who was living a lie.

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“When is your birthday?”

“Why are you suddenly asking?” Yoochun had to be cautious.

“Kibum was asking me and I realized that I don’t know. I should know this stuff.”

“You don’t even know your own birthday,” Yoochun pointed out.

Junsu was quiet for a couple of seconds before saying, “Oh, yeah. I don’t.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me when your birthday is?”

“I want to know Hyung’s birthday though. It’s something I should know. I remember Hyung’s birthday and Hyung remembers my birthday!” Yoochun felt disappointment when Junsu’s arms loosened around his waist. The younger man pulled away so he could sit up to meet Yoochun’s eyes. “Tell me?”

“It’s far away, in another three months.”

“Three months? That’s a long time,” Junsu pouted. Then those cute lips turned into a grin. “But that’s okay! I will use the time to plan a big, big party for Hyung!”

Yoochun nodded a little, hoping he’d still be with Junsu in three months.

Chapter 8

The flame reflected in Yoochun’s eyes and the smoke almost reminded him of his past addiction for cigarettes. A yellowish orange color painted his side profile while darkness created shadows.

Yoochun looked down at the large yellow envelope in his hand. Inside was his Past.

He hadn’t thrown this part of his life away when he’d decided to take responsibility of Junsu. He was reluctant. He hadn’t wanted to be completely cut off from his past so he stored what little he could in this yellow envelope.

He’d hidden it this whole time and today, Junsu had found it…by accident.

It was something Yoochun had tried to hide for this long, and eventually, Junsu found it. Was Changmin right? Are all secrets bound to be revealed sooner or later?

Yoochun wouldn’t let that happen.

Yoochun had been reluctant to cut off all ties back then because his past was so important to him. But now…he’d found something more important to him than his true identity.

With the flick of his wrist, he threw the yellow envelope into the metal bin. He watched it burn in the flame until black ashes were all that remained.

If only it were that easy.

=====

“Hi, Chunnie!”

“Kibum,” Yoochun greeted subtly, with just a small, polite nod.

Kibum didn’t get the hint and followed close behind Yoochun. “Where are you heading?”

“Work,” Yoochun replied.

“Awesome! Do you like your job?”

“No.”

“Cool! Do you like the cool weather?”

“No.”

“Does Junsu like the cool weather?”

“Yes,” Yoochun was answering with one word in hope that Kibum would find him rude and leave him. It didn’t seem to be working.

“Does Junsu like the color pink?”

“Yes.”

“Does Junsu like rice cakes?”

“Yes,” Yoochun automatically replied as he checked his watch. Where were all the taxis this morning? His stupid car was down again.

“Does Junsu like tiramisu?” Kibum continued to question with a friendly, cute smile.

“Yes,” Yoochun murmured as he craned his neck to see if a taxi was at the end of the street. There was one turning the corner!

“Does Junsu have a thing for bunnies?”

“Yes,” Yoochun was pretty much answering on cue now, unaware of what Kibum was asking. He extended his arm to wave for the taxi.

“Are you gay?”

“Ye…” Yoochun couldn’t finish his word because: (1) he wasn’t sure he heard the question right, and (2) Kibum had broken into a high-pitch squeal. “Wait, what?”

“Have a great day at work, Chunnie! I’ll have a nice meal prepared when you come home tonight!” He performed a cute giggle before running off.

“Wait! Kibum!” Yoochun tried. Too late. The taxi was in front of him and he needed to go before he was late for work. Kibum was probably just joking…Yoochun hoped.

=====

Yoochun walked into the apartment and the aroma of food struck him immediately. Crap, was Kibum for real?

“Junsu?” Yoochun searched as he closed the door behind him.

Kibum came running out of the small kitchen wearing a horribly cute apron. “Chunnie! Welcome home!”

Yoochun’s brows furrowed slightly and he felt horrified for a moment. He’d faced so much in his life; knives, guns, blood, and yet he found cute men to be the most horrifying?

Wait, he wasn’t scared of Junsu and Junsu is cute…

“Kibum, where’s Junsu?”

“Oh, Changmin took him out for McDonald’s!”

“What? Changmin?” Yoochun’s eyes widened.

“Don’t worry, Chunnie! Changmin promised to make sure Junsu returns safe and sound. And he won’t get very far, I have his wallet,” Kibum took a leather wallet out of an apron pocket to wave it cutely in the air.

“He won’t need his license or I.D., but where will he have money to buy Junsu food?” Yoochun inquired. But then, Junsu had money so they should be fine.

“Changmin keeps money in his pocket as well as money in his pant pockets. All of his pants have pockets,” Kibum explained.

“How do you know this?” Yoochun thought he was the only one who knew of this habit.

“I live with him,” Kibum shrugged. Yoochun was surprised that Kibum had such a sharp eye for these things…or that he even noticed things about Changmin in the first place.

“They probably went to the closet McDonald’s. I’m going to go…”

“But I made you lots of food! You won’t waste food, will you?” Kibum pouted with puppy-dog eyes. Yoochun mumbled a curse in his mind. Since when did he become such a wimp towards cute, innocent people?

Since Junsu.

“Okay, but I want to give Junsu a call first.”

“Okay! I’ll finish up!” Kibum broke into a grin immediately and skipped back into the kitchen.

Yoochun sighed and took out his cell phone. Junsu picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Hyung! I’m with Changmin! Did Kibum tell you?” came Junsu’s high-pitch voice. Yoochun could practically feel the happiness exerting through the phone.

“You’re having fun?” Yoochun needed to verify.

“Yeah! I was sad at first because Changmin was acting angry and sad yesterday. But now he’s having fun with me so I’m happy again!” Junsu explained.

“Your happiness is contagious,” Yoochun chuckled. He didn’t have any doubt that Junsu could inject some happiness into Changmin’s heart.

And he had a good idea of why Changmin was acting angry and sad yesterday. He was probably still upset at Yoochun so he blamed Junsu for it (hence, ignoring and being rude to Junsu).

“Come back soon, Junsu,” Yoochun murmured softly. Then he found himself to be shocked by his tone. In his tone, it really sounded like he was missing Junsu…who was only several streets away.

Several streets were still too far.

“Okay, Hyung!” Junsu replied before hanging up.

Meanwhile, Kibum was in the kitchen typing a text to Changmin, instructing the tall man of the exact time to bring Junsu back.

=====

“Thanks for dinner, Kibum. I’ll clean up so you can…”

“Leave the cleaning! I’ll do it later! Let’s go watch T.V.!” Kibum grinned as he latched onto Yoochun’s arm and pulled the older man into the living room.

Yoochun blamed Junsu for turning him into a mush-ball. For God’s sake, he used to reject one hot girl after another, but now he couldn’t even reject a cute guy! Junsu had taught Yoochun how to fear, made him afraid of hurting others’ feelings.

“I like this one! It’s a beautiful love story between two guys,” Kibum cooed as he set the remote back on the coffee table and leaned back onto the sofa. He still held onto Yoochun’s arm while his head rested on Yoochun’s shoulder.

“Kibum, listen…”

“Chunnie, will you be my boyfriend?” Kibum was staring at Yoochun with hopeful eyes, no longer interested in the T.V.

Yoochun felt the clot in his throat, his palms began to sweat. Damn it, why was it now so hard to hurt a person’s feelings? Especially a good person.

“I…”

“Please? Give me a chance?” Kibum began to lean closer and Yoochun had to pull back to avoid being kissed.

“Kibum…”

“Please?” Kibum was no longer seated on the sofa. He had one knee on the sofa and was practically on top of Yoochun.

Yoochun swallowed and it felt like he was swallowing coal. How can he reject Kibum nicely, when Kibum was looking so innocently cute? Shit, ‘reject nicely’ was an oxymoron. There’s no such thing as a ‘nice’ rejection.

“Kibum, I don’t…”

“Give it a chance! Just one chance!” Kibum pleaded, leaning in closer.

“I don’t…”

Time seemed to have stopped when they heard the door open. Junsu and Changmin stood there, one looking confused while the other looked amused. That would be because Kibum was practically on top of Yoochun on the sofa.

“What are they doing?” Junsu asked Changmin.

“Adult stuff,” Changmin replied.

“Changmin!” Yoochun exclaimed as he pushed Kibum off. “Junsu, it’s not what you think!”

“It’s not a matter of what he thinks. It’s what he sees,” Changmin retorted rudely. He scoffed at the fact that Yoochun’s last statement sounded like a script from a movie…a movie in which a wife walked in on a cheating husband.

Junsu blinked and turned to Changmin with an innocently, confused look. “Can a guy and a guy be together? Heebon’s magazines talk about girl and guy.”

“Want me to buy you a guy and guy magazine?”

“Changmin!” Yoochun threatened.

Chapter 9

“Are there a lot of words to read?”

“Might be more pictures,” Changmin shrugged casually, completely ignoring Yoochun’s angry glare.

“Shim Changmin! I will…”

“Chunnie! You still haven’t answered my question!” Kibum interrupted.

“What question?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

“What? I…”

“Look at how cute he looks. You’re not going to reject him, are you?” Changmin cut in again. Yoochun glared at him and then turned back to see Kibum’s round puppy-dog eyes. He mumbled a silent curse in his mind.

He was about to reject Kibum. But now with Junsu standing here, Yoochun would look like a meanie if he made Kibum cry.

“Kibum, I…”

“One week! Let’s do a one week trial! Give me one week to prove that we’re meant for each other!” Kibum pleaded, hands under his chin and looking too adorable.

Yoochun glanced over at the Junsu with a curious expression and the Changmin with a daring expression. Yoochun sighed, “Okay.”

“Yay!” Kibum cheered. Junsu looked like he was pondering something (staring up at the ceiling again) while Changmin looked amused.

Yoochun didn’t bother to say that this one week wasn’t meant for giving Kibum a chance to prove that they’re meant to be together; it was meant for giving Yoochun a chance to prove that they’re NOT meant to be together.

=====

Yoochun woke up when he felt his arm being pushed/flung away. Then his ears heard Junsu’s heavy breathing and his sleepy eyes saw Junsu sitting up on the bed.

Yoochun guessed that his arm was on Junsu and when Junsu sat up, Yoochun’s arm was pushed away. Since when did he start sleeping with his arm on Junsu?

“Junsu?”

“S…sorry, Hyung,” Junsu gasped in a higher pitch than normal.

Yoochun moved so that he sat next to Junsu. “Did you have another bad dream?”

Junsu nodded; the moon shining in to show Yoochun the fear and confusion that Junsu was feeling. He wrapped an arm around the younger man. “Want to tell me about it?”

“Same…same dream. My eyes are open, but I don’t see anything.”

“The dream is exactly the same as last time?”

“Yes,” Junsu nodded. Then he shook his head from left to right, “No, I mean…no. This time, all black, but I hear a voice. I heard a voice.”

“What did the voice say?” Yoochun moved his hand up and down Junsu’s arm, hoping to give him some sort of comfort.

It’s just…it’s hard for Yoochun to be empathetic about bad dreams. He had them for a great part of his younger life…so they meant nothing to him.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what the voice said,” Junsu murmured. “I’m scared, Hyung.”

“I’m going to go get a towel to wipe your sweat,” Yoochun explained as he climbed off the bed.

He wondered to himself, how long did Junsu plan to keep sleeping in his room? He’d expected it to last a couple days, then a couple of weeks, but now it was almost a month. Was it those bad dreams that caused Junsu to want to keep sleeping with him? Were the dreams really that frightening, that realistic?

When Yoochun walked out of the restroom with a towel, he found Junsu lying back down on the bed; except he was sleeping on Yoochun’s pillow instead of his own. Junsu was holding the stuffed bunny close to his chest and curled up into a ball while lying on his side.

Yoochun sighed and walked over to the side of the bed. He leaned forward and gently dabbed at the sweat on Junsu’s forehead. The younger man shifted a little and then opened his eyes.

Yoochun stared into those eyes and wished he could make all the fear and confusion disappear. And then he noticed how close their faces were. So he quickly pulled away and turned his head to the side.

He cleared his throat, “It’s just a dream. You’ll be okay.”

He stood back up and walked back into the bathroom to replace the towel. But he didn’t walk back out immediately. He stood there staring at himself in the mirror.

What did he see? He didn’t know.

=====

“What are you doing?”

“Making a bento box for Chunnie!”

“He doesn’t like cute stuff,” the taller man drawled.

“Says you! I think he’ll be touched by my effort,” Kibum retorted as he neatly placed a piece of vegetable into the box.

Changmin scoffed.

Kibum made a mocking face at the taller man before returning to his design. But he could still feel Changmin’s eyes poking at his back so he made easy conversation, “So you aren’t mad at Junsu anymore?”

“What made you think I was angry at him?” Changmin’s eyes narrowed.

“You were so rude that day. So I made you take him out to spend quality time with him. After spending time with Junsu, no one in the world can be angry at him,” Kibum explained while using two pairs of chopsticks to adjust a small carrot.

Changmin was amused that Kibum could control chopsticks with both his right and left hand. But then, a lot of things about this annoying person amused Changmin. “I was having a bad day.”

“Why were you angry at him? Because he’s better looking than you?”

Changmin raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Or maybe because he’s nicer than you. Maybe you should smile more. You might not look so ugly and mean.”

“You obviously don’t care that you’re offending me,” the taller man pointed out.

Kibum stopped working on the lunchbox for a moment and thought about the statement. “Hmm…I guess I don’t. Why are you just sitting there? Aren’t you supposed to clean the apartment today?”

Changmin didn’t know why Kibum’s attitude was getting to him. Kibum was probably just trying to get back at Changmin for being mean to Junsu; Changmin could understand that.

But Changmin couldn’t understand why he bothered to talk to Kibum at all. He usually didn’t like to talk to anyone except Micky, but he found himself hanging around the apartment and striking conversations (or arguments) with Kibum.

Probably because Kibum was so weird and Changmin liked puzzles.

=====

Changmin flipped the coin into the glass of clear liquid, causing a ripple effect on the surface.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Hyung! I’m with Changmin! Did Kibum tell you?” Junsu grinned into the phone. Yoochun said something (that Changmin couldn‘t hear) and Junsu replied, “Yeah! I was sad at first because Changmin was acting angry and sad yesterday. But now he’s having fun with me so I’m happy again!”

Changmin blinked and stared down at the soda sitting in front of him. Next to the soda was a little Superman figurine.

Junsu had seemed to really like the toy that came with his ‘Happy Meal,’ but he still insisted on giving it to Changmin (thinking it would only take a Superman toy to make Changmin smile).

Changmin didn’t smile, but agreed to keep the toy.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Changmin wondered where he’d thrown the plastic Superman when he went back to his room last night. It was probably still in the pocket of the jacket he had worn. It didn’t matter.

He glanced around the bar and followed Yoochun with his eyes. The older man was moving from table to table, serving drinks and talking to customers. He laughed and didn’t even glare when a girl groped his rear.

That wasn’t Micky. Micky didn’t like being touched and wouldn’t put up with it unless he gave permission. He wouldn’t even smile at a random one-night-stand, much less laugh and joke.

Changmin recalled the past when Micky would push a woman away or give her the cold shoulder. If Micky wasn’t interested, then he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t going to bother to smile or be polite or anything. He didn’t care if he hurt the suitor’s feelings. He didn’t care about anyone’s feelings.

Junsu really knew how to melt a frozen heart.

=====

Junsu watched Kibum sit down on Yoochun’s thigh and wrap an arm around Yoochun’s neck. His other hand was feeding Yoochun grapes.

Yoochun (acting as an indifferent, uncaring boyfriend) was messing with the remote control and trying to fix it, but was still taking whatever Kibum was feeding him. Junsu’s lips curled into a pout before he bit off a chunk from the apple.

“No more grapes! I’ll go grab some more from the kitchen!” Kibum sang as he stood up and skipped into the kitchen.

Yoochun barely reacted as he continued to fumble with the remote control. He needed to get it fixed because it would be inconvenient for Junsu if he had to watch T.V. without a remote. Junsu didn’t like staying on one channel for too long.

Junsu saw the chance. He put the apple down, jumped off the single seat sofa and took quick steps to reach Yoochun.

Yoochun stopped messing with the remote control and stared in confusion when Junsu sat down on his right thigh, an arm wrapped around Yoochun’s neck. “Junsu, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Junsu shrugged like there was nothing out of the ordinary. He turned his head to continue staring at the T.V.

Yoochun wondered for a moment, but decided that Junsu was probably just being childish. He went back to trying to figure out what was wrong with the remote control. It definitely wasn’t the batteries, so why…

Yoochun’s train of thought was cut off when Kibum suddenly ran over and nearly knocked Yoochun off balance. The next thing he knew, there was Junsu sitting on his right thigh and Kibum sitting on his left thigh, both staring each other down.

“Junsu, only boyfriends do this with each other,” Kibum hinted.

Junsu raised his arm into the air (like Superman) as he declared, “I’m Hyung’s little brother. I sit on him all the time.”

Yoochun wondered where Junsu got that idea from because he’s never sat on Yoochun’s lap before. Was he assuming it happened when they were kids? Yoochun wondered what Junsu looked like when he was a baby, was he so chubby that anyone would cuddle him on their lap?

Kibum eyed the raised hand. “Didn’t your teachers tell you that you can’t talk until you’re called on? You can’t just raise your hand and talk.”

Junsu clamped his lips shut and flailed his raised arm. “Um…Junsu…” Yoochun said.

Chapter 10

“Um…Junsu…” Yoochun said.

“I’ve been sitting on Hyung’s lap since a long, long time ago!” Junsu shouted out immediately.

“I didn’t call on you!” Kibum protested.

“Hyung said my name, he called on me, so I can talk!” Junsu retorted.

“It doesn’t…” Kibum began.

“Raise your hand and wait to be called on,” Junsu interrupted.

“Guys, I can’t feel my legs,” Yoochun tried again.

“Boyfriends sit on each other’s laps to cuddle!” Kibum went back to his first argument.

“I sit on Hyung’s lap all the time! He’s my very own Santa Clause!” Junsu protested.

“Chunnie isn’t ‘Santa Clause’! Santa is round. Look at this!” Kibum suddenly pulled up the front of Yoochun’s shirt to reveal the six-pack.

“Ya! Don’t do that! Hyung will get cold!” Junsu pulled the shirt back down.

“I can’t feel my legs,” Yoochun repeated. If he had a choice, he’d just push them off and stand up to leave. But he didn’t want to push them off and risk having any one of them get hurt in the process.

Children (and even grown men) get hurt easily.

“If he has a hot stomach, then he needs to show it off,” Kibum reasoned. Then he suddenly asked, “What do you have?”

Junsu had a cute, thoughtful look on his face as he tapped his chin. Wasn’t he frowning and shouting at Kibum just seconds ago?

“Hmm…I don’t know.”

“Let’s see!” Kibum cheered as he pulled up the front of Junsu’s shirt.

Yoochun suddenly grew possessive. “He’s going to get cold!” the oldest of the three exclaimed as he grabbed Kibum’s hand to make him release Junsu’s shirt.

In the next second, Yoochun released Kibum’s hand to ‘fix’ the front of Junsu’s shirt. Junsu was just giggling at how Yoochun had copied his words and actions.

Kibum analyzed the two and the hopeless romantic in him automatically sensed something fishy. Then he looked down at his hand, the one Yoochun had touched. It was the first time his ‘boyfriend’ had held Kibum’s hand, but it was for a quick second and for the wrong reason.

What a horrible boyfriend!

=====

“Changmin, I don’t like that Kibum is always so close to Hyung. Is there something wrong with me? I should be happy for them, right?”

Changmin stared at the guilty expression on the handsome face. Innocence couldn’t come in a better form. “No, Junsu, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just jealous.”

Junsu stopped moving the arm on the Superman figurine and looked up at Changmin. “Jealous?”

“Yes, it’s normal for a sibling to be jealous.”

Siblings? Junsu couldn’t understand. “Those magazines say that only people who want to be the person’s girlfriend or boyfriend get jealous.”

“No, siblings can get jealous too because they feel neglected,” Changmin explained as he watched Junsu continue to play with the Superman. He’d showed up at the door this morning and asked Changmin to allow him to ‘visit Superman’. Changmin knew it was just an excuse.

“Neglected?”

“Yeah, it means you feel like Yoochun doesn’t pay attention to you anymore because of Kibum. It’s normal, Junsu. Even as Yoochun’s friend, I am jealous that he pays more attention to Kibum than me,” Changmin shrugged casually.

“Oh, okay!”

Changmin almost felt guilty. Almost. But it wasn’t like he was telling a complete lie…maybe just half of a lie.

“I’m home!” came a loud voice from the living room. Kibum did that a lot, as if he really had to tell Changmin that he was home.

“Kibum’s home!” Junsu grinned as he ran out of Changmin’s room to greet the other man.

The next thing Changmin noticed was that Junsu still had Superman. “Junsu, wait!”

He raced after the older man and found the two sharing a ‘welcome hug’. “Is that really necessary?”

“Aww, is Changmin jealous? Come join our hug,” Kibum extended an arm towards him.

The tallest of the three rolled his eyes. He recalled why he had left his room (when he didn’t even want to be around to watch these two ‘kids’ play). But all Changmin did was glance at the Superman in Junsu’s hand. Wouldn’t he look really childish if he asked Junsu to return the toy?

Why did Changmin care about the toy anyway?

He didn’t.

Did not.

Not at all.

“Oh! I forgot to give this back to you,” Junsu skipped back over to hand Changmin the toy.

Changmin tried not to look interested as he took the toy back, even trying to make it seem like a chore to hold the toy. And Changmin didn’t like the amused glint in Kibum’s eyes.

=====

Yoochun didn’t like it when Changmin sat down next to him, but he didn’t move away. He simply ignored Changmin and continued to watch Junsu and Kibum play with the kids on the playground.

“Ignoring me isn’t very effective when you’re not running away. Deep down, you know that it‘s useless to keep running.”

Yoochun sighed. “When are you going to give up?”

“Never.”

“Changmin…”

“Micky.”

Silence.

“You’re like an Ugly Truth that refuses to go away.”

“It beats being a Pretty Lie.”

Yoochun’s eyes followed Junsu as the younger man chased a giggling child around the playground. If Changmin is the ‘Ugly Truth,’ then who is the ‘Pretty Lie’?

Junsu tagged the little boy and started to run the other way. But he pretended to slow down so that the little boy could tag him back. The chase continued, with Kibum and five other kids joining. The chase continued.

Changmin spoke again, “Exactly how much does he know?”

Yoochun knew that Changmin wanted to know if Junsu remembered anything from his past, how much he remembered and how much he knew.

Yoochun pretended to not know. “He reads a lot. I don’t know how much he retains, but he’s really smart. Not your average eight year old.”

Changmin sighed, giving up for now. He leaned back on the bench and looked towards the playground. He looked at the kids, he looked at Junsu, and he settled on Kibum.

“Kibum isn’t your average twenty-four year old either.”

Yoochun was shocked by Changmin’s tone. It was subtle, but it was different (special). He turned his head slightly to look at Changmin. Changmin was still staring at Kibum.

The alarm on Yoochun’s cell phone went off.

He stood up from the bench and shouted, “Junsu! I need to get to work! You can keep playing. Follow Kibum home, okay?”

“Okay, Hyung!” Junsu shouted with a big wave before going back to lift a kid onto a swing. The little kid was chubby and giggling, but Yoochun thought that Junsu was cuter.

Yoochun turned to walk away. Needless to say, Changmin silently followed.

=====

“Don’t you have better things to do besides lounging around the bar every night?”

“I’m putting money into your boss’ pocket. That’s where your salary comes from.”

Yoochun continued to lock up the bar and slipped the keys into his pocket. Now that work was over, he could go back home to Junsu.

“Do you ever wonder ‘why’?”

“’Why’ what?”

“’Why’ him?”

Yoochun frowned. He hated that it was so easy for him (and just him) to read Changmin’s mind.

“Is it necessary?” the older man dodged as he continued to walk.

“You told Bae…”

“I know.”

“And he trusted you so he let Junsu…”

“I know.”

“Then you disappeared from Bae’s surveillance with…”

“I know.”

“You know, but that doesn’t matter! You know what you did, what you‘ve done; but you don’t know why you did everything!” Changmin exclaimed. He’d been calm and silent all day. But at the end of the day, it still bothered Changmin that Yoochun was digging his own grave.

Yoochun tugged the zipper on his jacket higher, not wanting to catch a cold. He couldn’t risk getting sick. “It doesn’t matter, Changmin.”

Yoochun’s vehicle was in the shop again so he was walking home from work. Changmin, although he had a car, walked with Yoochun.

“You’ve never asked yourself why you did all that? You betrayed Bae! You betrayed yourself!” Changmin pressured. “And for who? For what? Can you answer those questions?”

“Changmin…”

“I can answer those questions. For who? For Junsu. For what? For Love.”

Yoochun’s frown depended and his eyes darkened. He’d stopped walking and no longer cared for the freezing weather. “Stop.”

“I’m correct, aren’t I? When did you realize, Micky? When did you realize that you’re in love with him? Or are you still in denial?” Changmin dared Yoochun to deny.

He didn’t. He just warned, “Stay out of this, Changmin.”

Yoochun started to walk again, at normal pace. He wasn’t walking fast, jogging, or running away. He’d already accepted that he was hopelessly in love with Junsu. There was no need to run from that fact.

And that’s what frightened Changmin the most.

Chapter 11

“Oh, Heebon, don’t worry. You know how I am. If I like someone, I go for it. Give it a chance, a trial and if it doesn’t work out, then we can still be friends. I’m not going to force myself on Chunnie,” Kibum spoke while massaging face cream on his delicate skin.

His cell phone was next to him on the bathroom counter, speaker turned on.

“You’re so silly, Oppa. How are Junsu and Yoochun anyway? I miss them.”

“You haven’t even known them for long. I don’t see you saying that you miss me,” Kibum scoffed, rubbing circles on his cheeks.

“That’s because I don’t miss you,” Heebon giggled from the other line. “Hmm…so Yoochun is a ‘no’?”

“Nah, I’m not feeling it. There are two days left of our ‘trial relationship’ so I might as well have some more fun until then. I need to cook him some good food. Chunnie is too thin,” Kibum paused. “And he’ll be relieved when I tell him that I just want to be friends.”

“That’s expected. You don’t seem like his type.”

“Hmm, what type do you think Chunnie likes?”

“Um…I don’t know. You haven’t encountered any rivals during your one week trial?”

Kibum thought about it. He checked the mirror to make sure that the face cream was evenly spread. He preferred white cream over a green one that looked like baby poop, but his friend had said that this cream was really good.

“The only person giving me trouble is Junsu. He’s always hanging around when I try to get alone time with Chunnie.”

“Well, that’s normal. They’re siblings and they live in the same house.”

Kibum thought about that too, recalling the events of the past week. “I don’t think it’s normal. It’s almost like Junsu is…jealous.”

“Well, that’s normal too. Junsu is his baby brother. He’d be jealous if Yoochun is giving you all his attention and neglecting Junsu.”

“It’s not normal. Chunnie doesn’t ignore me and neglect Junsu. It’s more like…the other way around, but Junsu still gets jealous. Not normal,” Kibum explained as he washed his hands.

“I think it’s cute. But whether Junsu is there or not, you wouldn’t last long with Yoochun.”

“With Junsu, no one can last long with Chunnie,” Kibum corrected.

“What do you mean?” Heebon inquired.

Kibum checked his watch to see that he needed to leave the cream on for another eight minutes. He picked up his cell phone, “I don’t know. Just making conversation. I’m going to go make dinner now.”

“Okay, bye! And Oppa, don’t cause too much trouble.”

Kibum scoffed, “Go away.”

Kibum turned off his cell phone and opened the door to the bathroom. At that same time, Changmin was opening the door to walk in. He was met with a green faced Kibum and his brow shot up in amusement.

Kibum expected (hoped for) a girly squeal from the taller man. Too bad it didn’t happen.

“What is that?” Changmin frowned.

“Face cream,” Kibum replied. Then he stood on his tip-toes and stuck his face close to Changmin’s face. “Scared?”

In a sarcastic tone, Changmin answered, “Very.”

Kibum got off his tippy-toes and pouted. “Fine.”

“What are you doing in this bathroom? This one is mine.”

“The bathroom in my room doesn’t have light.”

“Change the light bulb.”

“You’re taller,” Kibum grinned widely, attempting to look cute. Changmin stared at him and wondered how a person with green, baby poop on his face can still look cute.

Forgetting that he had wanted a nice, hot shower for his stressed nerves, Changmin went to the cabinet to get a new light bulb.

=====

“How’s this?”

Junsu’s lips curved into a smile as he purred with satisfaction. Yoochun chuckled at the cuteness and continued to run his fingers through Junsu’s short hair. He made sure to wash away all the shampoo while massaging Junsu’s scalp at the same time.

His fingers trailed down to the back of Junsu’s head, close to the nape, and applied pressure. “How’s this?”

Junsu giggled and opened his eyes to stare up at Yoochun. “It tickles.”

Yoochun laughed again as he aimed the spray at the back of Junsu’s head while patting the area lightly. “Let me know if your neck starts to hurt.”

Junsu just hummed another sound of satisfaction as he closed his eyes again. Yoochun had tried to make it as comfortable as possible, positioning the nearly horizontal chair next to the bathtub and placing a neck cushion on one end. This made the bathroom a little cramp, but it still felt cozy.

“Are you done washing my hair?” Junsu’s eyes were open again.

Yoochun looked into Junsu’s eyes. “Why? Do you want me to stop? Did I hurt you? I thought you liked having me wash your hair.”

Yoochun had done it twice in the past when Junsu was ill with a cold. Tonight, when Yoochun came home from work, Junsu had requested for Yoochun to wash his hair.

“No!” Junsu suddenly sat up and shook his head to emphasize his reply. Yoochun quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Junsu’s hair to prevent droplets of water from wetting his thin shirt.

“Don’t do that,” Yoochun lectured as he grabbed another towel to dab at the wet spots on Junsu’s shoulders and back. One hand was still holding the towel around Junsu’s hair.

“Now it’s your turn,” Junsu said.

Yoochun stopped the dabbing and stared at the younger man. “For what?”

“I want to wash your hair,” Junsu requested.

“You don’t have to…”

“I want to,” Junsu interrupted. “Please? I promise not to ruin your hair.”

Yoochun made the common mistake of looking at those puppy-dog eyes. He sighed. “Okay, fine, but let me dry your hair first.”

Junsu’s grin brightened up the whole bathroom. He sat still while Yoochun dried his hair with the towel and then combed it into a neat style.

As soon as Yoochun finished, Junsu jumped up from the chair and pushed Yoochun to lie down. He was grinning the whole time and Yoochun failed to convince himself that this will be a bad idea.

When Yoochun was settled, Junsu reached for the spray and turned on the water. Except he didn’t watch where he was aiming the spray and when the water turned on, Yoochun’s face was soaked (Yoochun was too busy folding back his shirt collar to notice). Junsu gasped and dropped the spray to grab for a towel. He wasn’t too good at controlling his strength so he was close to suffocating Yoochun with the towel.

“I’m sorry, Hyung!”

Yoochun grabbed Junsu’s wrist to keep the towel away from his dried face. “It’s okay, Junsu, it’s okay.”

Junsu grinned when Yoochun smiled. “Okie! Can we keep going?”

Yoochun’s eyes shifted to the tub and then at Junsu’s wide grin. He chuckled, “Okay.”

Yoochun lied back down and noted that Junsu was much more careful as he held the spray this time. While one hand held the spray, the other hand gently touched Yoochun’s hair, combing it with his fingers.

“You can put shampoo on when my hair is all wet,” Yoochun instructed.

Junsu nodded and carefully placed the spray down. He reached for the shampoo and squeezed a big glob onto his palm. “Oops.”

Yoochun just laughed. “It’s okay.”

Junsu grinned and rubbed his hands so that the shampoo covered his palms. Then he gently ran his hands through Yoochun’s hair. He was being gentle because he didn’t want to hurt Yoochun.

“It’s okay to apply some pressure, Junsu. You won’t hurt me as long as you don’t pull too hard on my hair,” Yoochun said.

Junsu nodded and applied a little more pressure, mimicking what Yoochun does for him. His brows began to furrow and Yoochun loved seeing the concentration on his handsome face. He was acting like this was an important experiment that he couldn’t mess up on.

Yoochun closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of having his hair washed. He hummed a little to show his appreciation and could easily picture Junsu grinning proudly.

Then he felt a small tickle on the tip of his nose and opened his eyes. Crossing his eyes, he saw the blob of soap bubble on the tip of his nose. He looked up to see Junsu snickering.

Yoochun chuckled, “Sneaky, aren’t you?”

Junsu just giggled and leaned close to Yoochun’s face. Yoochun froze at the closeness and held his breath as Junsu blew the soap bubble off of Yoochun’s nose. “There! It’s gone!”

Junsu pulled away again to leave a normal distant between them. Yoochun could breathe again.

“All right, finish up. I need to make dinner.”

Junsu nodded, smile still on his lips, and began to wash the shampoo from Yoochun’s hair. He seemed a little distracted, but Yoochun didn’t say anything when Junsu accidentally pulled too hard on his hair.

When they eventually finished and were ready to walk out of the restroom, Yoochun pulled Junsu back. He touched Junsu’s hair as if examining it, “Do you want me to blow dry your hair? It’s still a little wet.”

“My hair is short. I think it will dry fast. Your hair is long. Can I blow dry your hair?” Junsu was pleading with those puppy-dog eyes again.

Yoochun surrendered again. “Okay.”

Soon they were in Yoochun’s room with the older man in a chair and Junsu standing behind him. If he was going to let Junsu experiment on his hair again then he can at least be comfortable in the process.

“Is it plugged in?”

“Yes!” Junsu answered excitedly. He had the blow dryer in his hand and looked ready to attack.

Yoochun chuckled as he turned his back to Junsu and sat up straight in the chair. “Okay, don’t put it too close to your hand.”

“Okie!”

Chapter 12

Junsu turned the machine on and began to dry Yoochun’s hair. Even through the loud dryer, Yoochun could hear Junsu humming.

Yoochun relaxed his body and closed his eyes. Junsu was doing a good job.

Junsu was trying really hard to do a good job. He didn’t want to mess up because he wanted to do something right for Yoochun. Making Yoochun happy made Junsu happy.

It took a while because Junsu kept the blow dryer a bit too far from Yoochun’s hair, not wanting to burn (and ruin) his hyung’s pretty hair. His arms were starting to ache, but Junsu wouldn’t give up!

When he eventually finished, he craned his neck to see Yoochun’s closed eyes and relaxed expression. Feeling mischievous, Junsu waved the dryer at Yoochun’s face (just a quick swift). Yoochun’s eyes opened and he pretended to frown at Junsu. “I’ll get you back for that.”

He jumped out of the chair and Junsu squealed as he ran away. The blow dryer was still in Junsu’s hand and the plug was pulled out of the socket when he ran out of the room.

“Wait, Junsu!” Yoochun called as he ran after the younger man, afraid to death that he would trip on the long wire.

Yoochun found Junsu in the living room, standing on the sofa and raising the blow dryer up in the air. “You won’t catch me! I have my trusty weapon and will defend the world from all evil!”

Yoochun broke into a laugh. “You’re missing your cape.”

Junsu looked down at himself and turned his head to look behind him. “Oh, yeah, no cape. But that’s okay! I have my weapon!”

He was shooting at random corners in the living room and Yoochun laughed at how cute he was. Then, to accommodate Junsu’s fun, he acted his own role, “Come here! I will tie you up and feed you lots of veggies!”

He ran towards the couch to catch the younger man, but Junsu squealed again and ran into the kitchen. Yoochun followed him into the kitchen and froze when he stared into the tip of the blow dryer. Junsu was aiming it at him like…like it was a gun.

For a quick second, Yoochun thought he saw a gun instead of a blow dryer in Junsu’s hand. The image of Junsu pointing a gun at him burned into Yoochun’s heart. His blood ran cold and he found himself too frightened to move.

Junsu grew frightened when he saw Yoochun’s reaction. He immediately dropped the blow dryer somewhere and pulled Yoochun into his arms, hugging the older man’s head to his chest.

“I’m sorry, Hyung! I didn’t mean to scare you! Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you! I won’t ever hurt you! Don’t be scared, Hyung!” Junsu rambled on and on as he (roughly) soothed Yoochun’s hair. “It’s okay, Hyung. Junsu is here for you…always here for you.”

Yoochun almost wanted to cry at Junsu’s words. He clenched his fists and didn’t allow himself to wrap his arms around Junsu.

Junsu didn’t know that the one who was promising to never hurt him…was the only one who was capable.

=====

“You work too much,” Changmin analyzed Yoochun as he stopped playing with his new touch-screen phone and slipped it into his pocket. Yoochun didn’t sleep last night.

“You wouldn’t think that if you didn’t follow me all the time.”

Changmin watched the way Yoochun wiped the mugs and organized the bottles. Something was wrong.

“What happened last night?”

Yoochun’s hands stopped working and he blinked. He stopped only for three seconds before continuing. “Nothing.”

“What happened last night?”

“Nothing,” the older man repeated with finality.

“You’re playing with Death.”

Yoochun turned his back to Changmin, pretending to fix something. “I’ve been playing with Death all my life.”

“You’re right. You’re not playing with Death. You’re doing worse. You’re playing with Love.”

Yoochun frowned and Changmin saw the tension in his broad shoulders. “I didn’t deny anything because I didn’t want to lie to you.”

Changmin didn’t know whether to feel upset or happy. Micky was someone he’d always looked up to, the only person Changmin respected with his whole heart. To know that Micky cared for him, saw him as a friend, didn’t want to lie to him…should make Changmin happy (especially when Micky wasn’t one to express this in the past).

And Changmin cared for Micky so much that he really didn’t want Micky to hurt.

“Don’t you find that cruel? To make your enemy fall in love with you?”

Yoochun took a sharp 180 degree turn to meet Changmin‘s eyes. “I’m not trying to make him fall in love with me.”

Changmin didn’t falter; he continued to match Yoochun’s eyes. When the cell phone in his jacket’s pocket vibrated, he only slipped his hand in to end the call. He didn’t need interruptions right now. “I didn’t say you were ‘trying’. You’ve gone beyond ‘try’. You didn‘t have to ‘try‘.”

“No,” Yoochun spoke with stubbornness, eyes serious. He was thankful that they were on the far end of the bar table, safe from eavesdroppers.

“Yes,” Changmin retorted, more stubborn and with no fault because he was the one who was speaking the truth.

“He thinks I’m his brother,” Yoochun turned his eyes away. “I told him that I’m his brother when he woke up in the hospital…”

“To gain his trust? So you can make him tell you where the microchip is hidden? Bullshit,” Changmin hissed in a low voice, “You don’t care about the microchip. Junsu probably doesn’t even know where it is. You told Bae that he knew just so Bae wouldn’t kill him on the spot, didn’t you?”

Yoochun didn’t deny it again. “This is enough. I’ve let you walk back into my life because I truly…missed you. You’re a friend and no matter how much I hated seeing you again, I caved and didn’t move away. You really think I can’t just take Junsu and leave this town again? It’s not a difficult task for me, Changmin.”

Changmin heard the words that Yoochun didn’t say, ‘I’m not running from you because I trust that you won’t betray me. You keep trying to talk me into going back, but you won’t betray me.’

“You cave too easily. You give in to your emotions. You’re letting me stay, trusting me because I’m a friend. You would never have done that in the past. If someone was a threat to you, directly or indirectly, you would have gotten rid of the person. In the past, you would have killed me already.”

“If Bae had sent someone else to find me…and I end up being found, I would have killed that person,” Yoochun assured. But not Changmin,

“Would you?” Changmin whispered. “Can you still kill a human being without feeling anything?”

“Changmin…”

“I’m thankful that you’d trust me. You know I could harm you, but you’re trusting that I won’t. Thank you for that. It takes a lot of courage, especially for you, to give someone the power to hurt you…and trust that they won’t,” Changmin spoke in a sincerely voice. He looked so tired. “But Mi…Yoochun, I wish you would go back to being your old self. I wish that you wouldn’t give anyone this…power over you.”

Changmin was steering this back to Junsu again. “Changmin…”

“You’re too soft. You gave this power to me, trusting that I won’t hurt you. But do you realize that Junsu is different? You’re giving Junsu this power…but you don’t trust him to NOT hurt you.”

=====

Changmin flipped the page in the magazine. Junsu and Kibum were sitting next to him watching T.V.

“Don’t you work?” Kibum raised an eyebrow at Changmin.

“Don’t you?” the taller man retorted. Not that Changmin was interested, but he realized that he didn’t know much about Kibum after all.

“I write columns for magazines and newspapers. I’m also a novelist. My book is coming out in another month. You should read it.”

“You write books? What do you write about?” Junsu inquired while chewing on a slice of dry mango.

“Romance!” Kibum grinned. “My next one is about…”

The door opened and Yoochun walked in to see the three in the living room. “Hey.”

“Chunnie!”

“Hyung!”

Both practically tackled Yoochun and started asking him about his day at work. Yoochun was struggling to just reach the sofa.

Changmin found this weird. It was exactly a week. Isn’t Kibum supposed to be breaking up with Yoochun today? Changmin glanced at his watch to check the date. It was the right date.

Yoochun finally sat down on the middle of the sofa; Junsu sitting to his right and Kibum on his left. “Since you’re home early, let’s do something tonight!” Kibum suggested.

“What do you two have in mind?” Yoochun asked.

“Walk on the beach!”

“Amusement park!”

Silence took over after the disagreement. Yoochun glanced at Changmin, who just shrugged and went back to reading the magazine.

“Changmin!” Kibum suddenly shouted and the taller man looked at him immediately. “Take Junsu to the amusement park. Chunnie and I need some ‘boyfriend-time’.”

Yoochun glanced at Kibum and then Junsu. Junsu glanced at Yoochun and then Changmin.

Changmin wondered if Kibum wanted the alone time to ‘break up’ with Yoochun. Kibum did tell Heebon that he’d break up with Yoochun after a week. And being the hopeless romantic that he is, Kibum would want a break up to be during a walk on the beach.

“Okay, let’s go Junsu.”

“Hyung?” Junsu stared at Yoochun.

“Go ahead, Junsu. Kibum and I have some stuff to talk about,” Yoochun smiled at the younger man.

Junsu automatically smiled and nodded. He jumped up from the seat and followed Changmin. “Which one are we going to? I was watching T.V. and they said that a new one opened up last week. Can we go there? Can we? Please? Please? Please?”

They stopped hearing Junsu’s voice when the door closed.

Yoochun was still staring at the closed door (missing Junsu already) when Kibum interrupted his thoughts. “Let’s go walk on the beach, Chunnie! Or do you want to eat first? You’re too thin. You need to eat more.”

“Let’s just get it over with here.”

“Get what over with?” Kibum blinked innocently.

“It’s a week.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m not your ideal boyfriend.”

“Of course not,” Kibum made a cute waving gesture with his hand. “But I think we should date for another week.”

“What?” Yoochun was confused. “Why?”

Kibum paused for a quick moment. “Um…because I think Changmin is in love with me, but the jerk is too stubborn to notice it. I want to use you to make him jealous. Jealousy is a good sign of love, you know? It doesn’t work all the time, but it works most of the time.”

Yoochun wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh. Changmin? In love? Well, Yoochun did notice…a little.

“You’re very blunt…,” Yoochun pointed out.

Kibum shrugged. “I try.”

“…and I think you’d be perfect for him.”

Kibum grinned. “We’ll see.”

Chapter 13

Changmin tried to picture the scene: Kibum and Micky walking along the beach; Kibum telling Micky that it’s not meant to be; Micky jumping for joy; Kibum pushing him into the cold water just for the heck of it.

Changmin chuckled and Junsu gave him a weird look. “Changmin, what are you laughing at?”

The taller man blinked and realized that he shouldn’t be giggling to himself when they were preparing to take off (on the roller coaster). He cleared his throat and tried to hide his embarrassment. “Nothing.”

Junsu grinned, “You’re excited about this ride, aren’t you? I have a favorite one at the other amusement park, but I think this one will be better!”

Changmin nodded, “We’ll see.”

The roller coaster began to take off.

By the end of it, Junsu was wild and begging to go again. Changmin was wondering why. But Changmin couldn’t really pay attention to much when he kept conjuring up various ‘break up’ scenes.

After five more times, Changmin feigned illness and pulled Junsu away from the roller coaster.

“Are you feeling better?” Junsu inquired with sincere eyes.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Changmin replied.

“Okay! Then let’s…” Junsu was pointing at another extreme ride.

“Let’s get something to eat. Do you like candy?”

“Yes!” Junsu exclaimed. “But Hyung won’t let me eat too much.”

“It’ll be our little secret. Stay here, I’ll go buy some.”

Junsu nodded with a grin as he watched Changmin walk off. After five steps, Changmin turned around to make sure that Junsu was still in the same spot. He was, so Changmin continued to walk.

But when Changmin bought the candy and returned to that same spot, Junsu was gone.

Changmin cursed silently in his mind as his eyes wandered. Where did Junsu go? Why couldn’t kids just be good and listen when they’re told to stay?

“Junsu!” Changmin shouted. “Junsu! Where are you?”

A bag of puffy cotton candy in his hand, Changmin began to run all over the place. His heart raced and he actually felt scared. Yoochun would have his head if he returned without Junsu!

“Sir, did you lose your kid?” a passerby asked.

Kid? Not exactly.

“I’m looking for…” Changmin began, but was cut off when he heard yelling in the distance.

“Fly, balloons, fly! Fly away!” that familiar high voice was shouting.

“My balloons! How dare you let them all go!” a deeper (angry) voice came next.

Changmin had never been more thankful for his height. Looking over all those heads, he saw Junsu standing a couple feet away…next to a very angry clown. He quickly ran over to them.

“Balloons should fly free,” Junsu was telling the clown.

“You let all my balloons go! Now pay for them!” the clown exclaimed.

Junsu tilted his head a little, “You’re a clown. You’re not supposed to be angry, but you look angry.”

“Stop acting like you don’t know what you just did!” the clown growled. He grabbed the front of Junsu’s shirt, “Now give me the money or I’ll…”

Changmin grew angry immediately and stepped in to grab the clown’s fist. He applied some pressure and the clown released Junsu’s shirt as he groaned in pain.

“Changmin! Don’t hurt Mr. Clown!” Junsu was tugging at Changmin’s sleeve.

Changmin released the clown’s hand. “Your intentions should be to make people happy, not to make money. Now apologize.”

The clown was frightened by the threat in Changmin’s eyes. He bowed frantically and mumbled apologies. Then he ran away. The crowd that had gathered around them began to disperse.

Junsu looked up at Changmin. “Wow, thank you for saving me.”

“I didn’t save you,” Changmin retorted. Junsu was making him sound like a hero, like someone who cared. He wasn’t either of those.

“I think he was going to hurt me. Did I do something wrong?” Junsu blinked, confused.

“You released all of his balloons,” Changmin reminded. He didn’t see it happen, but that was what the clown had claimed.

“Well, yeah, because balloons should be free and flying away. They’ll be sad if they’re tied down by a string in a person’s hand. I read a book about this,” Junsu said.

“Just don’t do it again,” Changmin lectured.

Junsu lowered his head sadly. “I’m sorry.”

Changmin felt guilty, really guilty. “Want cotton candy?” he held the bag up. “I bought the pink ones.”

Junsu’s face lit up immediately and he threw his arms around Changmin for a nice, big hug. “Thank you!”

Changmin stood there and watched as Junsu began to open the bag of cotton candy. He blinked, once and then twice.

When was the last time he’d been hugged like that? Changmin looked around, feeling paranoid. He hoped that no one saw that hug and that no one saw how much Changmin enjoyed being hugged, a true hug from the bottom of the heart.

He turned left and right, and got the feeling that someone did see.

=====

“You two are still dating?”

“Yep!”

“But…I thought…” Changmin couldn’t understand. Didn’t Kibum tell Heebon that he was going to end it with Micky?

“You can go over there to ask Yoochun to verify if you want,” Kibum invited casually as he pulled the milk carton out of the fridge.

Changmin thought about it. He wanted to, but…

“Why should I? I don’t care,” Changmin brushed off. “Good night.”

Changmin walked to his room and left Kibum standing in the kitchen.

=====

“Um…Junsu…”

“Yes?”

“The bed isn’t big enough for the four of us,” Yoochun pointed out, his eyes on the huge stuffed bunny that Junsu was hugging.

“Mr. Bunny can sit on the table,” Junsu took the smaller stuffed bunny and placed it carefully on the small table next to the bed.

“The bed still isn’t big enough for the three of us,” Yoochun chuckled. “How about you hug that thing to sleep tonight and I’ll sleep in your room? Just let me know if you need anything.”

“No! That’s okay! I’ll put him next to the bed,” Junsu quickly said. He placed the huge stuffed bunny on the ground next to the bed. “There!”

“Are you sure?” Yoochun asked.

“Yes! You can sleep here, Hyung,” Junsu patted the space next to him.

Yoochun stepped back towards the bed and climbed on. “Did Changmin win that for you?”

“Yes! He’s so good at basketball!” Junsu giggled. “I wish I can be like him.”

It was funny that children always wanted to be like someone else so much, and when they’re older, they discover that they can’t even be themselves. And that was the worst of it: unable to be yourself.

“Did you name him?” Yoochun made small conversation. Junsu lied down and he covered the younger man with the blanket before laying down himself. They were using two separate blankets.

“Micky!” Junsu shouted and Yoochun’s heart skipped a beat.

“What?” Yoochun turned his head to look at Junsu.

“I’m going to name him ‘Micky,’ like on your fake I.D. I really like the name,” Junsu grinned.

For some reason, Yoochun couldn’t look into Junsu’s eyes. He turned his head back so that he was staring at the ceiling. “It’s late. Go to sleep.”

“You don’t like the name?” Junsu spoke in a small voice.

“No,” Yoochun tried to sound happy. “I like it.”

Junsu was smiling again as he turned on his side and latched onto Yoochun’s arm. Yoochun looked over at the drawer where the smaller stuffed bunny was sitting. “Junsu, Micky is too big, but Mr. Bunny can still sleep with us.”

Junsu craned his neck to look at Mr. Bunny. “He looks comfy over there. I think he wants to sleep there. Good night, Hyung.”

Yoochun watched as Junsu snuggled closer, still hugging his arm, and closed those fish-shape eyes. A sweet smile was on his lips.

Yoochun turned his eyes back to Mr. Bunny. Junsu always slept with Mr. Bunny. Mr. Bunny was always settled between the both of them, every single night. But not tonight.

Chapter 14

Yoochun looked around the room. Changmin always had a plain room, but this one was different. “You let Kibum decorate your room?”

“He snuck in when I was out…at the bar trying to talk you into saving yourself,” the taller man grumbled. But the fact that Changmin didn’t tear down all those posters and everything else girly was a clue that Changmin didn’t mind. “Listen, I asked you to come over because…”

Yoochun waited for the taller man to finish his sentence. Changmin was chewing on his bottom lip, trying to sort out his words.

Yoochun’s cell phone rang with a specific ring tone.

“Junsu?” Yoochun answered the call.

“H…Hyung? Wh…where are you?”

“Junsu? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Where are you?” Junsu whimpered on the other line.

“I’m right across the hall. I’m coming back right now.”

Before Changmin could ask what was going on, Yoochun ran out of the room. Changmin followed Yoochun and they eventually found Junsu sitting in the corner of Yoochun’s room, hugging the large stuff bunny.

Changmin’s eyes subtly wandered the room to see if there had been a break-in or if Bae’s men had found them. Yoochun just ran to Junsu and pulled him into a protective embrace, the large bunny pushed aside. “What’s wrong?”

“B…bad dream and…when I woke up…you were gone…”

“I just went over to talk to Changmin. You were still sleeping so I didn’t want to wake you,” Yoochun spoke in a soothing voice. Changmin frowned. His eyes were on the bed. Micky and Junsu share one bed? When there was another bedroom in this apartment?

“It was the same dream…except, I heard what the voice was saying this time.”

“It’s just a dream,” Yoochun comforted while Changmin just watched.

“The voice shouted your name, your fake name, and then I heard a gun shot…like the ones I hear on T.V.,” Junsu continued to talk, because talking about it made him feel better.

“What?” Changmin couldn’t believe his ears.

Yoochun’s eyes told Changmin to ‘shut up’. “Junsu, it’s just a dream. Don’t…”

“Junsu, what happened in the dream?” Changmin demanded.

“Nothing! Changmin, shut up!” Yoochun warned.

“Junsu…” the taller man tried again.

“Changmin!”

Changmin and Yoochun exchanged glares. Junsu clung onto Yoochun, confused by the sudden yelling. Changmin walked out of the room. Yoochun released a breath of relief. He tightened his embrace around Junsu and wished for time to freeze.

=====

“He’s starting to remember.”

“It’s just a dream.”

Changmin had found Yoochun at the bar again; waited for Yoochun to get off work and then forced Yoochun to follow him to this dock. Both stood facing the large body of water. The water was black, reflecting the dark sky.

“Where do you go from here?”

“I don’t know,” Yoochun murmured.

Changmin lowered his head to look down at his feet, to look down at the edge of the cement ground. “You can’t keep running. You’ll eventually walk to the end, where taking another step will kill you.”

“I know, and it could just be a few more steps away…” Yoochun paused. “Or maybe it’s not. Maybe there’s a turn that will lead to a longer road.”

“That’s the worst part. You don’t know. You don’t know how many more steps are ahead of you before you fall to your death. You don’t know how many more steps you can take with Junsu. You don’t know when he’ll suddenly get his memory back! You’re walking in the dark!”

Yoochun shook his head. “It’s not dark. This world isn’t dark. Junsu taught me that.”

“Fine, you’re not walking in the dark. You’re walking blind…”

“I’m not blind,” Yoochun cut in. “I chose to close my eyes, Changmin.”

Changmin sighed, his breath visible in the cold air. “Micky, this isn’t you. You always knew what you were doing, where you were going. You told me that you control your own future.”

Yoochun turned his head to look at Changmin. “The future isn’t meant to be controlled. I understand. I know what you’re trying to do. But I won’t listen. I didn’t listen before and I won’t listen now. Don’t try to turn me back. The Micky you knew is gone. There’s no use in trying to revive the dead.”

Changmin wouldn’t have it. It was just a matter of time before Junsu could make out the owner of the voice, the person who had shouted ‘Micky’ in his dreams.

“Once an assassin, always an assassin.”

Yoochun turned back to stare at the dark water. “Let the assassin kill himself.”

=====

Changmin watched Yoochun throw the pink roll of streamer into the shopping cart. It was a perfect shot, considering Yoochun’s position at the far end of the aisle. He picked out some more decoration supplies (pink and white only) and stacked them all in the cart.

He looked so happy that Changmin wondered if this was what Micky looked like when he was a kid…or would have looked like if he didn’t lose his childhood so early in life.

But it hurt to know that Micky was this happy because he was imagining Junsu’s happiness; imaging Junsu’s glowing eyes, radiating smile, sparkling laughter. Because Micky was 100% sure that Junsu would react with this kind of happiness when he sees the party that Micky would throw for him.

Changmin wished Micky knew how Junsu would react when he sees the truth buried in his memories. Changmin knew: Micky wished for Junsu to react with forgiveness, with appreciation for saving his life. Changmin also knew: Micky wished, but did not hope.

But even if he did get the forgiveness, the appreciation…he would never get the Love. Junsu wouldn’t love the person who had…

“Changmin.”

Changmin blinked and turned his attention back to Micky. “Huh?”

“Stop spacing out. Next aisle, come on.”

Changmin grabbed the handles on the cart and followed the older man to the next aisle. He saw the little section with candles designed for birthdays. He saw Micky standing in front of the section, staring sadly at the candles shaped like a ‘2’ and a ‘5’. Micky released a subtle sigh before reaching for the candle shaped like a ‘9’.

He threw it in the cart and went through the list in his mind. “Okay, I think I’ve got everything. Let’s go.”

Yoochun took the cart from Changmin and wheeled it to the check-out station. Changmin silently followed.

He was afraid to speak. If he spoke, he would be saying things that Micky wouldn’t want to hear. If he spoke now, he would ask Micky, ‘Why are you celebrating Junsu’s birthday now?’

Changmin recalled that Junsu’s birthday was still far away. He was sure of it because he was the one who had done the background check on…

“Changmin! Hurry!”

Changmin walked faster, following closely by Micky’s side as they walked out of the store. Micky popped open the trunk of his vehicle and told Changmin to put everything in. Meanwhile, he made a phone call to Kibum.

“Hey, Kibum,” Micky decorated his voice with a smile. “Take him around for another thirty minutes. We’re rushing home right now to get everything in place. Yes, of course, a whole Angel cake just for you.”

Changmin could practically imagine Kibum’s giggle and he glanced at the cell phone in Micky’s hand, wishing that Micky would stand closer. Why? He didn’t know.

=====

Ten minutes later, they were in the apartment and decorating the cozy living room with pink and white. Yoochun smiled too much and Changmin got goosebumps.

“A little more to the left!”

“I’m not a slave!” Changmin exclaimed as he stretched to tape the streamer on top of the door.

“No, you’re just tall. Now move faster and I’ll give you the other half of Kibum’s Angel cake.”

“I’m not a pig!” the taller man pouted and Yoochun couldn’t help but think that he learned that pout from Kibum.

Yoochun laughed. “Close enough. Okay, that’s good. Decorations are up. Food is good. Cake is in the fridge. Am I missing anything? I feel like I’m missing something.”

“An explanation?” Changmin quipped.

Yoochun’s smile faded. Changmin cursed in his mind. He hated having to play the antagonist. “I don’t have an explanation, but I do have a request.”

Changmin sighed. “Anything.”

Yoochun smiled again, lightly this time. He told Changmin his request, finishing with, “…and that’s it.”

“‘That’s it’? You make it sound so simple and…innocent!” Changmin exclaimed. It pissed him off every time he saw Micky doing something that would end up hurting himself. “No wonder you suddenly decided to celebrate his birthday today! You’re afraid, aren’t you? After that dream he had three days ago, you’re really afraid. You told me that you won’t think anything of it, but now you’re suddenly doing all these things to create memories…”

“Changmin,” Yoochun spoke one word, but his eyes finished his sentence.

Changmin gave in again. He clenched his fist and tried not to hurt. It wasn’t easy; it wasn’t possible. “Fine.”

“I don’t like seeing you like this either. Please, don’t hurt for me when I’m not even hurting for myself,” Yoochun pleaded.

“You will eventually,” Changmin muttered.

Yoochun smiled a little. “Eventually…but not now.”

He walked away to retrieve his cell phone and sent a text to Kibum.

=====

“Thank you for taking me to work with you today! It was so cool!” Junsu grinned happily, eyes shining with appreciation.

“I’m just glad my manager didn’t scare you. He acts weird during our meetings with the chief of the publishing company,” Kibum explained as they stepped into the elevator.

“Really? Why? Siwon is really nice,” Junsu recalled the chief’s name. “He even gave me a lollipop when we left.”

“What? And he didn’t give me one? I’ll make him regret it!” Kibum raised his fist, failing to look evil. Junsu was giggling at how cute he looked.

“He said he only had two and he would give me one if I gave the other one to Heechul,” Junsu informed, pronouncing the name carefully because he had a little trouble saying the name when Kibum introduced him to the young (and weird) manager.

“Really?”

Junsu nodded. “But he said that I have to give the heart shape lollipop to Heechul…which is okay because I liked the round, green lollipop more.”

“Did you eat it already?”

Junsu shook his head, left and right. “I have it in my pocket. It’s green. Hyung likes green so I’m going to give it to him. He’s always so tired from work. I hope the lollipop will make him smile.”

Chapter 15

Kibum tilted his head and smiled at Junsu’s sweetness. In a low voice, he murmured, “He’ll do more than ‘smile’ if you gave him the heart shape lollipop instead.”

“What?” Junsu didn’t hear the statement.

Kibum just grinned, “Nothing.”

They reached their destination and both skipped out of the elevator. When they stood at the door of Yoochun and Junsu’s apartment, Kibum sang loudly, “We’re home!”

Junsu was confused. He reached into his pocket for his own set of keys, but a second later, the door opened. “Welcome home!”

Junsu automatically grinned, “Hyung! You’re home early!”

That made Junsu happy because it means more time to spend with Yoochun. He was about to jump into Yoochun’s arms when Kibum pulled him back. “Wait, wait, let’s do it this way.”

“Huh?” Junsu couldn’t understand when Kibum’s hands covered his eyes. But he knew that it was Yoochun who took his hand and led him into the apartment.

“One, two, five!” Kibum shouted before pulling his hands away and allowing Junsu to see.

Junsu’s eyes wandered the whole living room and his jaw dropped. He tried to form words with his mouth, but his lips would only form a grin. He turned to look at Yoochun, who was still holding his hand.

“Happy Birthday, Junsu-ah,” Yoochun smiled, looking so pretty that Junsu wanted to take a picture of it. Junsu stared into Yoochun’s eyes and a very weird (maybe not very foreign) feeling washed over him. He felt like he was seeing a lot in those brown orbs, but Junsu didn’t know what he was seeing.

“Three,” a voice interrupted the eye contact. Everyone turned to look at the owner of the voice, sitting on the sofa.

“What?” Kibum raised an eyebrow at Changmin.

“‘Three’ comes after ‘two.’ You said ‘five.’”

“I like ‘five’,” Kibum retorted.

“Or you’re just trying to annoy me,” Changmin threw him an amused glance.

“That sounds more accurate,” Kibum countered with a nod. It wasn’t like he could control it. Kibum just plain liked getting on Changmin’s nerves; it was fun…among other reasons.

“Can you two argue later?” Yoochun cut in.

“Of course, Chunnie! Let’s eat!” Kibum grabbed Yoochun’s arm and pulled him into the kitchen. Because Yoochun’s hand (on the other arm) was still holding on Junsu’s hand, Junsu was dragged along as well.

Changmin lazily stood up from the sofa and walked himself into the kitchen. He saw Kibum take the seat next to Yoochun and was…somewhat thankful. It was best that Yoochun didn’t sit with Junsu…but Changmin wasn’t exactly comfortable with Kibum sitting next to Yoochun either.

“Hyung, you cooked all this?” Junsu was grinning from ear to ear as he admired all the neatly decorated dishes. If it was possible to make bunny shapes out of the food, Yoochun did it. He even carved a carrot into the shape of a bunny!

Changmin, with his cool expression, took a seat in the chair next to Junsu (across from Kibum and Yoochun). At the same time, Kibum made a noise that sounded like a mouse’s squeak. He had both hands over his mouth and was turned away from the table.

“What was that?” Changmin cocked an eyebrow at him.

“It’s called a sneeze!” Kibum defended.

“Bless you,” Junsu and Yoochun chorused nicely.

“Thank you,” Kibum gave them appreciating smiles before glaring at Changmin again. Then he raised his head to look up. “I’m right under the vent. It’s cold. Changmin, switch seats with me.”

“No,” Changmin rebelled, just for the hell of it.

“Hmph, fine,” Kibum made a face at him. Then he turned to Junsu with a cute expression, “Junsu, will you switch with me? You have a jacket on. I left mine at home and I’m afraid that if I go get it, Changmin will steal all my food.”

“I would,” Changmin drawled. Kibum glared at him.

Junsu laughed because he found the situation to be kind of…funny. “Okie.”

Junsu and Kibum switched seats. Changmin and Kibum were now sitting across from Yoochun and Junsu. Yoochun kindly switched the placement of Junsu and Kibum’s drinks before announcing, “Let’s eat!”

=====

“This one is from me,” Kibum handed Junsu two neatly wrapped boxes. “And this is from Heebon.”

“Thank you! Can we call Heebon later so I can thank her?” Junsu inquired.

“Of course! I need to tell her to pay me back for it. I had to buy it for her because we found out so last minute and she didn’t have time to send a gift from Tokyo. But don’t worry, now that we know, we’ll have more time to prepare next year!” Kibum grinned.

Changmin glanced at Yoochun, but Yoochun turned away from Changmin. Will there be a ‘next year’?

“Why don’t you open them as we go along?” Changmin suggested from the one-seat sofa. The other three were settled on the longer sofa, Junsu sitting between Kibum and Yoochun.

“Okie!” Junsu cheered as he dove into ripping tape and wrapping paper. He loved the Mickey Mouse stuff animal from Heebon and the friendship bracelet from Kibum.

“Mickey Mouse?” Changmin glanced at Yoochun (who didn’t seem shocked by or suspicious of the gift). Then he glanced at Kibum, suspicious of why his sister would buy a mouse for Junsu instead of a bunny.

“I remember Heebon saying that her favorite cartoon is Mickey Mouse!” Junsu grinned, hugging the mouse against his chest.

That piece of information allowed Changmin’s suspicion to evaporate…for now. His eyes were still on Kibum and Kibum noticed. “Your turn. What did YOU get Junsu?”

Yoochun quickly came to the rescue, “Changmin did the decorations and…”

“I bought this,” Changmin interrupted. He reached under the magazine covered coffee table and uncovered a beautifully wrapped box. He ignored Yoochun and Kibum’s shocked expressions. Neither had expected Changmin to buy a gift.

“Thank you, Changmin!” Junsu happily accepted the gift. He unwrapped it to find a Superman figurine, bigger than the one he’d gotten from the McDonald’s Happy Meal. “Superman!”

“Happy Birthday,” Changmin spoke in his same, cool tone.

“Hmm…interesting,” Kibum rubbed his chin. He’d asked the question, but he didn’t expect this answer.

Something told Changmin that this ‘act of kindness’ wasn’t going to make Kibum stop picking on him…but Changmin wasn’t complaining.

“Okay, I’m last. Here you go,” Yoochun handed Junsu a small, rectangular box.

Changmin watched Junsu open the gift with the happiest expression on his innocent face. He watched Junsu open the box, his mind already knowing what was in the box…or so he thought.

“A bunny shaped lollipop!” Kibum gasped. “It’s so pretty too!”

“It’s homemade,” Yoochun smiled at Junsu. “I hope it doesn’t taste too bad. I followed the recipe so it shouldn’t taste too bad.”

Junsu giggled and pulled the green lollipop out of his jacket’s pocket. “I have this for you too! And anything Hyung makes is good!”

Yoochun stared at the green lollipop. “Where’d you get this?”

“Kibum took me to work with him today! It was the coolest thing! He…”

Changmin didn’t hear the rest. He just stared at the gift that Yoochun had made for Junsu. He couldn’t understand. It wasn’t supposed to be a lollipop. It was supposed to be…

“Changmin,” Yoochun said his name.

“Huh?”

“Go get the cake,” Kibum ordered.

“Why me?”

“Because you’re obviously not interested in Junsu’s story about my occupation. Now go,” the shorter man retorted. Changmin was about to counter the verbal attack, but he met Yoochun’s eyes. Yoochun’s eyes reminded Changmin of The Request.

Changmin sighed and went to get the cake from the fridge. When he walked back into the living room, Yoochun stood up to let Changmin take his seat. Kibum wondered why and Junsu wished that Yoochun remained in the seat next to him. Changmin felt slightly rejected, but that didn’t matter.

Changmin sat down in the seat Yoochun had left (so that Junsu was now sitting between him and Kibum) while Yoochun went into the kitchen to get forks and plates. When Yoochun returned, he knelt down on the other side of the coffee table (directly across from Junsu).

“Such a pretty cake! Did you make this, Chunnie?” Kibum’s amazement was genuine.

“No, I had it made at a bakery. I didn’t have time and baking isn’t a strong point for me,” Yoochun explained.

“We’ll eat anything you make, won’t we, Junsu?” Kibum grinned at the other man. Junsu smiled and nodded like a cute child.

Yoochun chuckled and placed the candle on the cake. He lit the flame. “Make a wish.”

Junsu grinned widely. He clasped his hands together and placed them under his chin. “I want to be able to spend all my birthdays with Hyung, Kibum, and Changmin…oh, and Heebon!”

Kibum cheered and threw his arms around Junsu for a big hug. Changmin stole a glance at Yoochun’s smile…a sad smile.

“Blow out the candle,” Changmin suggested.

Junsu stopped hugging Kibum and did as told. After he blew out the candle, Changmin leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

Kibum’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped. He did notice that Changmin was slightly warming up to Junsu, but to KISS Junsu’s cheek before he even kissed…er…never mind.

Junsu was confused at first, but still smiled widely at Changmin. Changmin smiled back, but felt like the biggest rotten egg on Earth. He waited for Yoochun’s next move.

Yoochun stood up and leaned over the coffee table (careful to avoid getting cake on the front of his shirt). He laid a kiss on Junsu’s forehead before murmuring, “Happy Birthday,” with the sweetest, most handsome smile. Then he pulled away to sit back down on the other side of the coffee table (too far away).

Junsu blinked, confused for a moment by the feeling of the kiss. He had a weird (very weird) impulse to pull Yoochun back and feel those lips on his forehead again. To analyze it. It was different than the kiss on the cheek. Why? Was it because it was on the forehead?

“Now me!” Kibum interrupted Junsu’s train of thought. He laid a kiss on Junsu’s right cheek and then another one on Junsu’s left cheek.

Changmin rolled his eyes at Kibum’s childishness, and tried not to recall where he had kissed Junsu (because maybe it was his stupid mind thinking that Kibum had kissed the same area…causing a somewhat-indirect kiss between them).

Yoochun busied himself with cutting the cake into neat, even pieces. His eyes were on the cake the whole time, his lips maintaining the sweet smile.

It was enough.

Chapter 16

“Today was a lot of fun, Hyung,” Junsu continued to grin widely that night as they prepared to sleep.

Yoochun chuckled as he ruffled Junsu’s hair, “Aren’t your lips tired from all that grinning?”

Junsu’s lips formed a small pout as he poked at his own cheeks. Then he grinned again, “Nope!”

“Okay, well, smile yourself to sleep. It’s late,” the older man instructed as he pulled the blanket up to cover the younger man. He paused for a moment to see if Junsu would grab for the Mr. Bunny (still) sitting on the table. He didn’t. He just lied down and waited for the chance to latch onto Yoochun’s arm.

Yoochun gave the stuff animal a wary glance before moving to lie down next to Junsu. Junsu hugged his arm immediately and Yoochun allowed a smile to grace his lips.

Yoochun closed his eyes. Seconds later, he felt movement and then soft lips on his forehead. His eyes widened and he found himself staring up at Junsu. The younger was just staring down at him with curious eyes. “Junsu?”

Junsu blinked and then frowned, as if he was thinking hard about something. What was he thinking about? Yoochun felt like…he’d lost the ability to tell. Yoochun felt…lost.

“Hyung, you have a big, big forehead.”

Yoochun blinked, shocked by honest opinion. “What?”

His body tensed when Junsu grinned and leaned in to press another kiss on his forehead. Looking like the happiest kid on Earth (or someone who had discovered a cure for sadness), Junsu giggled, “There! Two kisses for one big, big forehead! Good night, Hyung!”

The younger man flopped back onto his back, causing the bed to bounce a little. He soon fell asleep while Yoochun stared at the ceiling.

Maybe there’s just no such thing as ‘enough’ for some of the precious things in life.

=====

“I saw you walk into the jewelry shop! I saw the salesperson take the necklace off of the display case! I saw the silver, cursive ‘J’ pendant! I saw you pay for it! Why didn’t you give it to him?”

Yoochun’s expression was calm. He stared out at the people passing by the outdoor café. Some walked slowly, some walked fast, some ran.

“You have sharp eyes,” the older man complimented, obviously trying to avoid the main topic.

“Mi…Yoochun,” Changmin quickly corrected himself. “Why? Did something happen? The necklace and the pendant aren’t cheap. You started saving up for it months ago, didn’t you? You were set on buying it for Junsu, but why not give it to him yesterday? What happened? It’s not just the dream, is it?”

At first Changmin had thought that the dream had triggered something in Micky, causing him to suddenly throw a birthday party for Junsu (for memory and for an innocent kiss). Now Changmin felt that there was more to it.

“Wouldn’t it be easier for the both of us if you couldn’t read me so well?” Yoochun suggested while the waiter placed a cup of coffee in front of him. Changmin took a big gulp of his dark coffee while Yoochun mixed milk and sugar into his own. Changmin automatically blamed Junsu for Yoochun’s new taste in sugar-coated coffee.

“It would be easier on me, but not you. You need me,” the taller man spoke bluntly.

Yoochun couldn’t deny it this time. He’d once told Changmin to leave, to leave them alone. But now, Yoochun wouldn’t do that. He didn’t know what he would do if Changmin left.

“You followed me to the jewelry shop, but did you follow me after I left the place?”

“No, because I assumed you would be heading to work right after. You didn’t?” Changmin didn’t bother to tell Yoochun that he’d received an important call that required him to go home and rescue a shrieking Kibum from a cockroach.

“I was supposed to. I walked to the nearest bus stop and was standing in line…”

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Yoochun smiled sweetly to himself as he imagined the predicted happiness on Junsu’s handsome face. Junsu would love the necklace…not so much for the design or price (children wouldn’t understand that), but simply because Yoochun had specially picked it out for him (and because it’s extremely shiny).

He raised his head to see if the bus was near. He had to get to his job at the office within the next fifteen minutes.

Yoochun’s brows furrowed when he sensed a hostile presence. He’d been trained to be aware of his surroundings. It’s been a while, but his past is still attached to him through these skills…along with many other factors.

So he turned around just as a hand grabbed onto his shoulder. Yoochun’s eyes widened when he saw the man who had snuck up on him.

Yoochun shrugged the hand off of his shoulder and pushed the other man…hard. The unwanted visitor fell backwards and bumped into an elderly woman (who was also waiting for the bus). While the other man was helping the elderly woman recover from her fall, Yoochun took the opportunity to run.

He ran and ran and ran.

The other man didn’t shout Yoochun’s real name. It would be a stupid move because it would allow Yoochun to determine how far (or close) the other man was. Yoochun couldn’t determine the distance, but he knew that the other man was still chasing him through the crowded streets of Seoul.

But he didn’t stop, didn’t look back. He couldn’t. It was too late for stopping, for looking back.

It was too late for regrets. All he could do now…is run.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Needless to say, Yoochun escaped…for now.

“He helped the elderly woman? That means he’s not one of Bae’s men,” Changmin observed.

“No, he’s not,” Yoochun sighed. It would be a hell lot easier if he was one of Bae’s men.

“Then…who?” Changmin was almost afraid to ask. His eyes focused on Yoochun the whole time.

In a voice void of emotion, Yoochun revealed, “Kim Junho’s best friend.”

Changmin tried to blink out of the shock while Yoochun continued to stare at the faceless people passing by. His expression was too calm, too collected, too fast. Changmin could sense it. Micky was returning to his old self, protecting himself by trying to bury all signs of emotion, or maybe just the fear.

Junsu had melted the defense away over the past months, but now Micky would have to rebuild it. Did he even know that he was doing this?

“The necklace…” Changmin murmured.

“I’ll give it to him another time,” Yoochun simply replied.

Changmin lowered his head to stare at the darkness of the coffee. It was best to remain quiet now. But Changmin knew, he knew that Micky would never give Junsu the necklace…

Why the candy and not the necklace? Because a necklace is meant to be kept forever, to last forever. But something edible will disappear, through expiration or through consumption.

Yes, Micky feared that there wouldn’t be a ‘forever’. Micky was still telling himself that his fear came from the possibility of being found, the possibility of not being able to run from those men who wanted to capture (kill) them.

He was denying the fact that his fear came from the possibility of not being able to run anymore…once Junsu regains his memory.

Changmin lifted his head when Yoochun stood up from the seat, looking suave and handsome. The wind blew at his hair and he stood tall, battling the wind with his hands in his pockets and calmness in his dark eyes. “Let’s go home.”

In other words, continue to pretend that none of this has happened.

=====

“Open!” Kibum cooed as he fed Yoochun a spoonful of rice. Yoochun was smiling and thanking him. Junsu and Changmin sat across from them, just staring and not feeling the urge to eat.

“You eat too,” Yoochun told Kibum.

“I like watching you eat,” Kibum grinned.

“You’re really good at cooking,” Yoochun complimented.

“Only for my handsome baby,” Kibum giggled. Junsu was still staring, not knowing what to think. Changmin wanted to puke so he rolled his eyes and stared down at his own bowl instead.

He’d been stressed out in the last couple of days and was impressed that Yoochun was so good at holding up this façade. Too good. He was acting like nothing out of the ordinary had happened; like Junsu didn’t have that dream, like he hadn’t been so close to being discovered by Junho’s best friend, like this whole act wouldn’t come to an end soon.

As if that wasn’t enough strain on Changmin’s nerves. Now he had to lose sleep over trying to figure out why Yoochun was still dating Kibum. To keep Junsu away? Surely it wasn’t because Yoochun was interested in Kibum…in that way. Changmin knew for sure that Yoochun’s whole heart belonged to Junsu.

Yoochun glanced at the clock on the wall. “I have to get to work. You three finish up and don’t waste food.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we have Changmin here,” Kibum replied. Changmin looked up at the mention of his name. For a moment there, he’d thought that the two ‘lovebirds’ didn’t even know of Junsu and Changmin’s existence.

“Stay out of trouble,” Yoochun said while putting on his coat (with Kibum’s unnecessary help).

“Have fun at work!” Kibum was still holding onto his arm as he moved in for a kiss on the cheek. Yoochun looked shocked for a moment before Kibum whispered, “Play along!”

So Yoochun gave Kibum a light kiss on the cheek before leaving. Kibum closed the door behind him and turned around to see Junsu and Changmin peaking out from the kitchen table. Both scurried back to sit down at the dining table.

“Eat up, boys. Chunnie doesn’t like wasting food,” Kibum grinned as he took a seat across from them.

“Stop acting like a mother,” Changmin quipped.

“I’m not acting like a ‘mother,’ just a perfect ‘wife,’” the shorter man retorted. Then he turned a loving smile towards Junsu, “Do you want some more rice?”

Junsu was staring up at the ceiling like he was thinking hard about something. When Kibum asked the question, he averted his eyes to the smiling man, “Kibum, what do you mean ‘perfect wife’? You’re not a girl.”

Kibum blinked. That was what Junsu was thinking about?

“I thought we went through this. It’s doesn’t always have to be a guy and a girl. We can even say ‘husband and husband,’ but I think ‘husband and wife’ is cuter. As for why I would be the ‘wife’ and not Chunnie…well, that’s because he’s manlier. That means when we’re in bed…”

“Kibum!” Changmin interrupted, his hands suddenly covering both of Junsu’s ears. Junsu’s eyes were widened by Changmin’s sudden action, especially when he had been listening tentatively to Kibum’s words.

“What? It’s not like I’m telling him the story about the bird and the bees. And why are you so protective? I thought you didn’t care about Junsu. I’m still shocked you were thoughtful enough to buy him the present.”

Changmin’s hands were still over Junsu’s ears. He didn’t exactly want Junsu to hear that he didn’t (use to) care about Junsu. “He’s only a kid. Don’t trash him with all your stupid stuff.”

“Oh, so now I’m stupid?” Kibum exclaimed, standing up and causing his chair to fall over. It wasn’t that he liked to pick fights; it’s just that he liked to pick fights with Changmin.

Junsu’s eyes looked up to stare at Kibum, but he couldn’t move his head because Changmin still held it in place. He tried to think of a way to stop this fight. Junsu couldn’t fight monsters like Superman, but he can still save the day…and the ‘friendship’ between Kibum and Changmin.

Chapter 17

Junsu couldn’t fight monsters like Superman, but he can still save the day…and the ‘friendship’ between Kibum and Changmin.

“Yeah! You are! So just stop talking,” Changmin insulted.

“Why are you being such a jerk? Junsu has the right to learn whatever he wants.”

“He doesn’t need to know!”

“He wants to know!”

“You want him to know! Stop thinking that everyone is like you!”

“I don’t think that!”

“You sure act it!”

“Jerk!”

“Drama queen!”

Kibum gasped with a dropped jaw. “Meanie!”

Changmin was about to throw another insult (unsure of when he’d been capable of such childish arguments), when Junsu’s sobs pierced through the yelling. Both looked down at the crying Junsu.

Kibum quickly ran around the table to push Changmin’s hands away from Junsu’s ears. “You’re hurting him!”

“I was not!” Changmin defended. He grabbed for a napkin and started to dab at Junsu’s cheeks. “Junsu, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? I’m sorry!”

Junsu sniffled (for added effect) and shook his head. “No, I just don’t want to see you angry at each other. Please, don’t fight.”

Kibum and Changmin looked at each other. Changmin was still staring when Kibum turned back to Junsu. “It’s okay, Junsu. We fight all the time. It’s nothing serious.”

Changmin stopped staring at Kibum’s sincere expression. He was now staring at the smaller hand that was holding his own. The napkin was still in Changmin’s hands, but instead of taking it into his own hands, Kibum was guiding Changmin’s hands to dab at the tear stains on Junsu’s cheeks.

And to hell if he knew why, Changmin’s heart was beating too fast to be healthy and there was a weird feeling in his gut.

=====

Yoochun sighed when he saw Changmin walk into the bar…again. “Are you here to lecture me again? You’ve done this so many times already, why don’t you just…?”

“Why are you and Kibum still together?” Changmin cut him off.

Yoochun was shocked and he almost wanted to smile. He liked the angry look on Changmin’s face. He’d been waiting for this question and wondered why it’d taken Changmin this long to explode (probably ‘Pride’). “Why do you ask?”

“Mi…Yoochun, this isn’t good. We’ve overlooked him. He’s always there and we haven’t asked ourselves why!” Changmin hissed.

Yoochun blinked, confused. Changmin wasn’t here because he was jealous?

“You think Kibum is here for a reason?”

“Maybe he’s one of Bae’s men or…or he’s one of those good guys! Maybe he’s here to hurt you and Junsu. And we’re letting him spend so much time with Junsu too! This can’t be good. This isn’t good,” Changmin was starting to mumble.

“Changmin, I think you’re thinking too much. Why would you suspect Kibum like that?” Yoochun popped the lid of a beer bottle and handed it to Changmin. He walked off to fix up several drinks before returning to the isolated area that Changmin was occupying. “Well?”

“I have a bad feeling about him. I get this weird feeling when he’s around. I feel like I’m missing something. It nags me. My instincts are telling me to beware of him,” Changmin explained.

Yoochun smiled a little. “You’re going to trust your gut?”

“My instincts!” the younger man corrected. “My instincts have never failed me.”

“There’s no such thing as ‘never,’” Yoochun pointed out. “Maybe it’s not a bad feeling, but because it’s so foreign to you that…you think it’s bad.”

Changmin frowned. “What are you trying to say?”

Yoochun knew that telling Changmin that he’s in love with Kibum is just going to force the younger man into denial. So he decided not to. “You’ll figure it out. I have to get back to work. It’s a Friday night so we’re going to be really busy.”

Changmin watched Yoochun walk back to the mid-section of the bar table, reading orders with his eyes while fixing drinks with his hands. Changmin still couldn’t understand.

=====

“Who are you?”

Kibum stared at Changmin like he’d grown a third eye. His cheeks were a little rosy pink so Kibum wondered if he was a little drunk. “Um…Snow White?”

Changmin frowned and Kibum figured that he wasn’t in a joking mood. “Who are you?” he repeated in the serious voice.

“Do you want to check my I.D.? I’m old enough to drink and this,” Kibum held up the champagne glass that he was sipping, “is just cranberry juice. And we’re out of cups so you need to do dishes tonight.”

“Why are you doing all this? Didn’t you say that you were going to break up with Yoochun after a week?” Changmin demanded.

Kibum raised an amused eyebrow, wondering if Changmin had eavesdropped during his and Heebon’s phone conversation. Kibum moved to set his laptop on the coffee table. He’d been writing another scene for his book, but Changmin was more interesting.

Changmin expected Kibum to tell him a lie, to try to evade his questions again. But he won’t give up. If Kibum is here to hurt Micky (and Junsu), Changmin will stop him. What if Kibum had something to do with Junho’s best friend? What if…?

“I’m trying to make Junsu jealous and that should eventually lead to the both of them realizing that they’re actually in love with each other,” Kibum answered with a sweet smile and twinkling eyes. “So romantic!”

Changmin wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“You silly person, can’t you see? They’re obviously in love with each other! Junsu just doesn’t see it and Chunnie is in denial. But I’ll fix all that! They deserve to be happy!” Kibum grinned.

Changmin tried to understand. He’d suspected Kibum of being one of Bae’s spies or even an FBI. He expected Kibum to be here to hurt Micky and Junsu…for the microchip. Changmin wasn’t sure how or what Kibum’s plans were, but…he’d been convinced that Kibum was up to no good. His gut told him so and Changmin’s gut feeling was never wrong. He’d gone by instincts in the past, even when he had no physical evidence, and he’d never been wrong.

‘There’s no such thing as ‘never’.’

And it turns out that Kibum had good intentions. He wanted to play match-maker, because he saw true love between Junsu and Micky. But Kibum didn’t know the truth.

And so Changmin’s instincts weren’t completely wrong. Kibum was going to hurt Micky and Junsu…even when he just wanted to make the both of them happy.

“Hello? Earth to Light Pole,” Kibum was waving his hand in front of Changmin’s eyes. Changmin ignored the memory of Kibum holding his hand this morning. That was what gave him that ‘bad’ feeling about Kibum in the first place.

“You can’t do that!” Changmin exclaimed, masking his expression with anger.

“What?” Kibum blinked in confusion.

“They’re siblings! They can’t be in love with each other! It’s called ‘incest’ and it’s not acceptable!” Changmin reasoned.

Kibum opened his mouth, paused for a silent moment, and finally said, “It’s love!”

“Love isn’t Life! Love isn’t everything!”

“Don’t tell me you can’t see it too! They’re in love with each other! Love overcomes everything! As long as they’re truly in love…”

“No! They’re not characters in your romance novels! You can’t write them a happily-ever-after!”

Kibum’s jaw dropped. In a softer voice, he asked, “You read my novels?”

Changmin blinked and turned away from Kibum’s eyes. “Look, just…stop, okay? Just stop! I guarantee you; Yoochun is not in love with Junsu.”

Changmin started to walk into his room, but stopped when Kibum said, “Can you guarantee that Junsu isn’t in love with Chunnie?”

Changmin didn’t turn around, didn’t know how to answer. He took large steps towards his room, almost like he was running.

=====

“You confronted him last night?”

“Yes.”

“You were always like that in the past, rushing to do everything without thinking. But after all those years, I thought you’d learned to be patient.”

Changmin ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Back in his teen years when he first joined the mafia, he’d been impatient, immature, and stupid. Micky had trained him to be what he was today, trained him to be one of the best. And yet, now, everything he’d learned was crumbling to the ground. Why?

“I was worried that he might be one of Bae’s men…or the reason Junho’s friend had found you. We’re already late in noticing…in suspecting him so I didn’t want to give him anymore time to…to do whatever it is he was planning,” Changmin tried to find reasons, but came up with excuses.

Changmin had called him over this evening (after Kibum took Junsu out for ice cream) for a specific reason. “What did he say when you confronted him?”

Changmin sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair again. Yoochun wanted to hug him. The taller man suddenly looked like a lost little boy.

He’d lost most of his childhood when his parents died in a vehicle accident and he was left alone at an orphanage. Then he’d chosen to join the mafia. He’d turned himself into a powerful man that many feared, and yet Yoochun still saw the soft side of him. Yoochun saw that Kibum’s presence was bringing out the soft side, the side that Changmin had buried so long ago.

And yet Changmin was still confused, unsure of this new emotion that was driving him crazy…this new emotion called ‘Love’.

Yoochun smiled a little because it reminded him of when he first fell in love with Junsu.

“I don’t know what’s worst: Kibum being one of Bae’s men or…or…”

“Or?”

“…or Kibum trying to get you and Junsu together.”

Yoochun’s eyes widened. He blinked once, then twice. “But…why?”

“He told me that he sees the love between the both of you. He sees that you’re in love with Junsu and he sees that Junsu is in love with you…”

“Junsu isn’t in love with me,” Yoochun cut in with a serious voice.

“That’s not what Kibum said,” Changmin retorted. Those words sounded childish to his own ears. “That’s why he didn’t break up with you after the one week trial.”

“He said that he wanted to use me to make you jealous because he sees that you’re in love with him,” Yoochun blurted out.

“What?” Changmin’s eyes widened.

“But I guess that was his lie too,” Yoochun murmured, too distracted to see the disappointment in Changmin’s eyes. “I can’t let him keep doing this. I…I should get him away from Junsu. What ideas has he been putting into Junsu’s mind?”

“I don’t know. But at this point, it’s a fact that Junsu understands the possibility of a man loving another man.”

Yoochun ran a hand through his hair, “Shit. I can’t let him keep manipulating Junsu into thinking that he’s in love with me.”

Changmin wondered if he should point out that Junsu isn’t being ‘manipulated’. But Yoochun was still in denial about Junsu returning his feelings.

“Don’t worry. I told him to back off, to stop, and that it’s incest. I’ll make sure he doesn’t put anymore ideas into Junsu’s head,” Changmin assured. For some reason, he really didn’t want Yoochun to take Junsu and run away from Kibum, to cut Kibum out of their lives. It wasn’t Kibum’s fault that he didn’t know the truth.

Yoochun looked at Changmin with wary eyes.

Chapter 18

“What’s wrong, Junsu?”

Junsu looked down at the bowl of ice cream, bottom lip jutting out and feeling like the biggest meanie in the world. “I’m sorry.”

Kibum swallowed the mint flavored ice cream and gave his full attention to the other man. “For what? You don’t like the flavor? I’ll order you another…”

Junsu shook his head. “I’m sorry for being angry at you.”

Kibum blinked. He looked around and it might be a good thing that they were in a private corner of this ice cream shop. “You’re angry at me?”

Junsu nodded while murmuring, “Sorry.”

“Why are you angry at me?” Kibum scooped another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. He found it so adorable that Junsu had such a beautiful heart that he’d feel guilty for the smallest things.

Junsu’s head lowered some more; under the table, his hand was playing with the friendship bracelet Kibum had given him three days ago for his birthday. “I…I don’t like that you’re Hyung’s boyfriend.”

Kibum smiled while the spoon was still in his mouth. He swallowed the ice cream and placed the spoon down next to the bowl. “Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Junsu explained in a small voice. “I just…I get angry when I see you and him…together. Hyung used to not like being touched.”

Kibum was amused that Junsu noticed. And Kibum guessed that Junsu had been careful when he advanced to holding Yoochun’s hand or hugging him. He’d probably taken baby steps, testing out each touch…and was never rejected. Yoochun would never reject Junsu.

“Except by you,” Kibum added.

Junsu raised his hand to play with the ends of his hair, “But he’s always touching you now.”

Kibum nodded. He’d been clingy with Yoochun lately and unlike the first week of ‘dating trial,’ Yoochun had returned the hugs and kisses (on the cheek) because he knew that those hugs and kisses were fake.

“Sorry. I’ll…try to stop. I promise. I don’t want to be mad at you. You’re a good person.”

Kibum smiled and he reached over to fix Junsu’s hair. “Do you wonder why you get angry when I get too close to Chunnie?”

Junsu raised his head to look at Kibum. He shook his head. “No…but Changmin calls it ‘jealousy’.”

“Changmin told you?” Kibum was amused.

“Yes, but he said that it’s…normal for brothers to be jealous.”

“It’s a thin line…” Kibum murmured.

“Huh?”

“Junsu, are you in love with Chunnie?”

“What? No! He’s my Hyung,” Junsu immediately replied. Then he paused before asking, “What are you talking about when you say ‘in love’?”

Kibum still wasn’t sure if he should tell Junsu what he knew, but it was probably best to be quiet right now. Yet….Kibum didn’t want a potentially beautiful relationship to be suffocated like this.

Kibum spent his whole life following his heart, believing in Love (believing that Love can overcome anything). Kibum believed that Love is a good thing, always and forever.

‘Love isn’t Life! Love isn’t everything!’

Kibum sighed. Why is Changmin so different?

The little guy by the name of ‘Logic’ in Kibum’s mind told him that there must be a reason why Yoochun and Junsu were in this situation. Until he figured it out, he wouldn’t be able to help Junsu obtain the happily-ever-after that he deserves with Yoochun.

“Kibum?”

Kibum blinked and smiled at Junsu. “It was just a random thought. I’ll explain more next time. Your ice cream is melting.”

Gasping cutely, Junsu quickly picked up his spoon and started to eat again. He didn’t want the delicious ice cream to melt into a puddle of soup.

=====

Meanwhile, back at the apartment…

“No, no, I can’t risk it,” Yoochun paced back and forth in Changmin room. Then he went to unlock and open the door, ready to walk out and hunt Kibum down.

Changmin quickly pulled Yoochun back into the room. “Micky, it’s okay! I already told him to stop!”

“You can’t guarantee that he will!”

“Because he doesn’t know the truth! If…if you tell it to his face that you want him to stop, then he’ll stop. That’s all you’ll need to do. That’s all,” Changmin tried to persuade. “He’s no harm if he doesn’t know the truth.”

Yoochun swung Changmin’s arm away and walked back to the other side of the room, staring out the window. He needed fresh air, needed to clear his mind. The stress from the past month was finally taking a toll on him. Sleepless nights and endless fears didn’t help either.

What if Junsu believed that he was in love with Yoochun? What if he mistakes the feeling for Love? Would it be a mistake? Yes! Yes, it would be a mistake! Junsu couldn’t possibly be in love with Yoochun. If he thinks he’s in love with Yoochun, it would only be a mistake, a misunderstanding.

Yoochun had this all planned, but the plan did not include Junsu falling in love…correction: Junsu THINKING that he’s in love with Yoochun.

“Micky, Kibum won’t be a problem. Now that we know his intentions, we can fix it and he won’t be a problem,” Changmin sounded too desperate for his own liking.

“Changmin, you were the one who told me that the truth comes out eventually. Keeping Kibum around will only make the truth surface faster. I don’t want that.”

Changmin tried to think, really think. “We can tell Kibum a lie; try to get him to help us. Since…since Junsu listens to him, we can make Kibum clear up the…the confusion.”

The word ‘confusion’ tasted bitter on Changmin’s tongue. He didn’t want to call Junsu’s Love for Yoochun a ‘confusion’…if that Love really existed.

“Changmin…” Yoochun sighed. He looked so tired, so ready to break down. No matter how good he was at pretending, he couldn’t pretend forever.

“If Kibum tells Junsu that it’s not ‘love’ and it’s just…something else, then Junsu won’t…think he’s in love with you. I’ll…handle it. I’ll think of a perfect lie to tell him,” Changmin tried again, although he wasn’t too happy about having to lie to Kibum.

Hell, he didn’t even know why he was defending Kibum! Was it because, secretly, Changmin was supporting Kibum’s intentions? Was it because, secretly, Changmin had wanted a happily-ever-after for Micky and Junsu too?

Yoochun was shocked by Changmin’s change too. He’d realized that Changmin had feelings for Kibum, but was it True Love? Yoochun wasn’t sure…and now it hurt that he might be tearing Changmin away from this possible True Love.

Yoochun released a heavy sigh as he sat down on Changmin’s bed. He closed his eyes and buried his face in both hands. In a muffled voice, he confessed, “I’ve been dreaming of the past. The images are so vivid…”

Changmin took a seat next to Yoochun and laid a hand on his tense shoulder. “Go ahead,” he gave permission, because it felt necessary. Micky certainly wouldn’t give himself the permission to break down.

“He’ll never forgive me, Changmin. Never.”

“A person once told me that Love overcomes everything. As long as a pair is truly in love…”

Yoochun raised his head and met Changmin’s eyes. His eyes were red from anger and slightly moist from fear, “I killed his brother, damn it!”

Changmin stopped breathing for a moment, shocked and slightly frightened by the sudden outburst. His fear grew when they heard the shuffle at the door.

Yoochun’s eyes were wide as he immediately ran to the door. The door had been left slightly open (from earlier) and when he pulled it further, both saw Kibum’s back, the frightened man trying to run away on shaking legs.

Changmin’s heart stopped and watched in fear as Yoochun ran after Kibum. He easily caught the frightened man and dragged him back into Changmin’s room. Kibum scurried to hide on the far side of the room, glancing out the window.

“You heard everything!” Yoochun hissed, eyes wide and angry.

Kibum shook his head from left to right. “No, I…I…just…I was just passing by…”

“Micky,” Changmin laid a hand on Yoochun’s shoulder.

Yoochun tried to shrug away from Changmin’s hold, but found it firm and unyielding. That didn’t stop him from glaring menacingly at Kibum. “Don’t blame me.”

“No! I…I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop! I bought ice cream and…and I…I silently slipped into the apartment because…I wanted to surprise Changmin with the ice cream…and…I didn’t mean to hear anything. I’m sorry!” Kibum kept glancing at the open window as if he was ready to jump.

Changmin turned to the door to see the box of ice cream that that been dropped and kicked into the room during the whole wrestle. Then he turned back to the frightened Kibum and his grip on Micky’s shoulder tightened.

Kibum looked so frightened that it made Changmin want to hug him. But who wouldn’t be frightened? He’d just found out that his ‘friend’ was a murderer. And with his writer’s imagination, he could easily conclude that Changmin was just like Yoochun.

“Micky…” Changmin tried.

Yoochun had felt Changmin’s tightened grip on his shoulder. Something in him snapped. Changmin was going to betray him…for Kibum. All hell will break loose and Yoochun would lose Junsu.

In a swift movement, he turned to push Changmin away. He took one step towards the bed and lifted the mattress. He found the gun and aimed it at Kibum.

Changmin had stumbled backwards, the pressure of Micky’s push still on his chest. He fell onto the floor and lost his breath when he saw Micky uncover his hidden gun. It isn’t a surprise that Micky knew where Changmin hid his gun. It isn’t a surprise that Micky is trying to kill Kibum either.

Once an assassin, always an assassin.

Kibum saw the gun and slid down against the wall. His eyes were wide with fear, his mouth dry, and it was so hard to breathe. He looked past the gun, past Yoochun, and at Changmin.

The taller man met his eyes for a quick second before standing up from his fallen position. He stood next to Yoochun, not touching the older man. “Micky…”

Yoochun’s angry eyes turned to Changmin. “Are you going to betray me?”

Changmin felt the clot in his throat. He turned to look at Kibum’s pleading expression. Then he gathered the courage to meet Micky’s cold eyes again. “Micky…”

Chapter 19

“Once an assassin, always an assassin. You reminded me,” Yoochun spoke in an icy voice. “I have to kill him.”

“I won’t say anything! I won’t! I promise!” Kibum begged. And deep down, he knew that he wouldn’t. He really wouldn’t. But Yoochun wouldn’t believe him. “Please, trust me!”

Yoochun returned his frosty gaze to Kibum. He started to remember all the times when this man had made him laugh, gave him genuine smiles, made Junsu happy.

At the same time, Yoochun could feel his past coming back to him. The feeling from the past, when he’d kill without a second thought. “Dead people are easier to trust.”

Yoochun’s grip on the gun tightened. Changmin felt his heart stop. He could try to stop Micky, but knew that he wouldn’t succeed. If Micky wanted to kill someone, nothing and nobody can stop him. “Yoochun! You told me! You told me that you’re a new person! You’re no longer ‘Micky’! You’re ‘Yoochun’! Yoochun wouldn’t do this!”

Eyes still on Kibum, but heart unwilling to pull the trigger, Yoochun continued to battle with himself. “You’re telling me not to kill him? You’re betraying me for him?”

Kibum stared at Changmin while his hand unconsciously clutched the area above his heart.

“I’m…” Changmin tried to find words. He was so confused, too confused. But he didn’t want Kibum to die.

“I taught you everything! I made you who you are today! If you’re not going to help me kill him then leave! Now!”

“Killing him won’t do you any good! It’ll only hurt you! Kibum is our friend! You’ll hate yourself if you kill him!”

Yoochun turned his eyes back to Kibum, assuring his aim and his index finger started to apply pressure. Kibum curled up into a ball and closed his eyes tightly, tears seeping through the tight slits. In his mind, he thought about Heebon, about Changmin, about Junsu, about Yoochun.

With practiced agility, Changmin twisted Yoochun’s arm and grabbed the gun out of his hand. He stood between Yoochun and Kibum, realizing that it had been too easy. Yoochun had taught him this move and no one has ever been able to pull a gun out of Yoochun’s grasp…not unless he allows it.

The silence was almost eerie. Kibum had opened his eyes slightly to see Changmin’s back towards him. Yoochun was looking into Changmin’s eyes. He looked so tired, so scared, so disappointed…and relieved.

“You can’t kill him,” Changmin finally broke the silence.

‘Can’t’. Not just because Changmin was standing in his way. Because Yoochun was standing in his own way.

Kibum stared at Yoochun and expected to feel frightened when Yoochun’s eyes lowered to meet his own. But Kibum didn’t feel frightened. He saw the emotions in Yoochun’s eyes. The adrenaline and anger was gone. True emotions had surfaced.

Yoochun fell to his knees as if all the energy had evaporated from his limps. His head lowered in a subtle bow, “I’m sorry.”

It was quiet and subtle, but Kibum heard it. He felt numb, because everything that had happened just seconds ago felt so…unreal. But it did happen…and one would never expect something like this to happen to him/herself.

Changmin placed the gun on the bed, not bothering to keep it hidden from Yoochun. He walked to Kibum and pulled the shorter man up. In the process, he placed his arm around the shorter man’s waist, allowing himself a quick (subtle) hug before dragging the shaking body towards the man kneeling on the floor.

Kibum stared down at Yoochun and felt his heart ache. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew that this man was suffering. Kibum could feel that Love played a part in this suffering…among many other things. Reluctantly, Kibum released himself from Changmin and fell onto his knees next to Yoochun.

Unsure at first because he couldn’t see Yoochun’s expression (his head was lowered and his hair covered his face). But Kibum remembered the past months when he’d laughed and conversed with this man. He wasn’t a bad person. He was an assassin in the past, but in the present, he was just a heartbroken man.

Kibum gathered some courage before allowing himself to wrap his arms around Yoochun. Yoochun tensed; shocked that Kibum would still hug him after…

“I forgive you for trying to kill me, or thinking you want to kill me,” Kibum murmured into his hair. “Old habits die hard…but I know that habit of yours will die out eventually.”

Yoochun didn’t know whether to laugh. He wrapped his arms around Kibum and realized how much he needed this hug. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t…thinking.”

“It’s…a normal reaction,” Kibum tried to understand. “I really won’t tell anyone. I won’t. Please, trust me.”

“How can you make that promise? I’m a criminal, Kibum. I’ve killed countless people in the past.”

Changmin was still standing next to them, watching the interaction. He was curious too. And he almost lost balance (on suddenly weak knees) when Kibum looked up at him.

Eyes on Changmin, Kibum whispered, “That was the past.”

======

“Hyung!” Junsu jumped onto Yoochun and nearly knocked the both of them over. Yoochun wrapped his arms around Junsu and wanted to drown in the comfort.

“How was ice cream with Kibum?” Yoochun inquired softly, still hugging Junsu tightly.

“It was great! We even bought some home! Kibum bought strawberry for Changmin. Guess what I bought you!” Junsu giggled, not noticing that today’s ‘welcome-home-hug’ was lasting longer than usual.

“Mango?”

Junsu had to pull out of the hug a little so he could see Yoochun’s face. His smile faded when he noticed Yoochun’s expression. “Hyung? Are you okay?”

Yoochun continued staring at Junsu’s worried expression. He felt Junsu’s hand on his face; palms against his cheek and thumb touching the curve under his eyes. “Yeah, I’m just a little tired.”

“Oh,” Junsu murmured. “Ice cream will make you feel better! You sit down. I’ll go get the ice cream!”

Yoochun smiled lightly and nodded. “Bring two spoons. We’ll share.”

“Yay!” Junsu cheered before running off. Yoochun fought the urge to pull him back into an embrace. It took too much will power to control this urge and Yoochun hated it.

He took a seat on the couch and closed his eyes. He never believed in magic before, but now, he hoped with all his heart that magic would happen. He wanted to open his eyes and see that the events of the past months had not happened, that he and Junsu were still happily (peacefully) together.

Instead, he only opened his eyes to see the Love of his Life putting a blanket over him, genuine concern and care in those teardrop-shaped eyes.

Ice cream melting on the coffee table, Junsu sat down on the far end of the couch. He pulled Yoochun down so that the older man lied horizontal on the furniture, head on Junsu’s lap. His fingers played with Yoochun’s silky hair. “I think you should sleep, Hyung. Junsu doesn’t like seeing Hyung tired. Sleep will make you better!”

Yoochun bit his lip and forced a smile. He stared up at the angel and tried to prevent his voice from shaking, “Will you be here when I wake up?”

Junsu grinned and for that quick moment, everything felt fine. “Of course I’ll be here, Hyung! I promise to not leave…even if I have to go to the toilet.”

=====

“This should help.”

Kibum was sitting on the tall chair while Changmin stood, leaning against the tall counter. He bowed with gratitude before accepting the mug of hot tea from Changmin. “Thanks.”

“Sorry.”

Kibum stopped staring at the steam coming from the hot liquid and looked at Changmin. “Why? You saved my life.”

“He wouldn’t have killed you. I should have known from the beginning, but I didn’t see it. I should have realized…but at the same time, there’s still that part of me that believes that…he’s still the same person he was before Junsu came along.”

“The heartless assassin?”

“Yes.”

“But that part of you is completely gone now, isn’t it? You’ve finally realized that the Yoochun from the past…is completely gone.”

“You said so yourself. Love is an amazing thing,” Changmin sighed. Loving Junsu has changed Yoochun.

Kibum’s hand moved strands of hair behind his ear as he nodded, “Yes. It’s an amazing thing. But it’s not everything. You told me that.”

“And I need to tell you more,” Changmin murmured. He had urged Yoochun to go back to Junsu while he explained everything to Kibum. Kibum would be another person to share this secret, this burden with them. In a way, Changmin was thankful.

“It…it’s okay if you guys don’t want me to know any more.”

Changmin’s hand gripped the corner of the counter, because if he didn’t, he’d walk over to hug the other man. It was such a weird feeling. “Why don’t you tell me how much you know first?”

Kibum nodded, rubbing his hands against the mug to keep warm. “I…the reason I was pushing Junsu to realize his feelings is because…I saw. You can tell, can’t you? They love each other. They really do.”

Changmin looked into Kibum’s eyes; eyes that were pleading him to understand. At the same time, Changmin saw the sadness. Kibum was heartbroken that Yoochun and Junsu would never be able to get their happily-ever-after.

“I can,” Changmin whispered.

“I was stupid. That one time, I called you and…I guess you pressed the wrong button or something. But instead of hanging up on me, you answered the call…”

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Changmin didn’t falter; he continued to match Yoochun’s eyes. When the cell phone in his jacket’s pocket vibrated, he only slipped his hand in to end the call. He didn’t need interruptions right now. “I didn’t say you were ‘trying’. You’ve gone beyond ‘try’. You didn‘t have to ‘try‘.”

“No,” Yoochun spoke with stubbornness, eyes serious.

“Yes,” Changmin retorted.

“He thinks I’m his brother. I told him that I’m his brother when he woke up in the hospital…”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“I hung up right after that! I didn’t mean to eavesdrop! God, this eavesdropping stuff is getting me into a lot of trouble,” Kibum grumbled as he ran a hand through his hair.

Changmin tried to ignore how cute the gesture was. “So you concluded that they aren’t siblings?”

“Yes,” Kibum nodded. “Because ‘he thinks I’m his brother’ is the opposite of ‘he is my brother.’ And…at first I wondered if Yoochun was some love-sick stalker who had kidnapped Junsu at the hospital, but…Yoochun isn’t like that. I wouldn’t believe that Yoochun was a crazy stalker.”

Times like this, Changmin would have cracked an insult about Kibum’s novelist imagination…if he wasn’t so tired and stressed.

“So you went ahead and tried to play matchmaker.”

Kibum nodded again, sheepishly. “I figured, they’re not siblings and they deserve each other. They deserve a happily-ever-after. Look at how happy they are when they’re together. You can’t fake emotions like that. You can’t fake the Love. But…Junsu being like that…it would be hard for him to realize. I thought that…no matter what reason it is that made Yoochun pretend to be Junsu’s brother…they’ll be able to overcome it because…it’s True Love. I’m so stupid.”

“Exactly how much information have you been feeding the kid?”

Chapter 20

Kibum’s head lowered. “When I took him out for ice cream earlier, right before I found out about this truth, I suggested that he might be ‘in love’ with Yoochun.”

Changmin’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I’m sorry!” Kibum squeaked. “I’ll fix it tomorrow! I didn’t go into detail so I can tell him that I was kidding! I’ll tell him tomorrow, first thing tomorrow! It’s…kind of late right now…and Junsu probably didn’t even catch the hint!”

Changmin found it difficult to be angry at Kibum. Yoochun would probably understand too since Kibum had good intentions…and he didn’t know the truth.

“I know your intentions are good. I…I would give anything for them to have their happily-ever-after too. I guess…a secret part of me was hoping you would succeed, but Logic kept telling me that a happily-ever-after is impossible.”

Kibum raised his head again to look at Changmin. “Really?”

Changmin sighed, “Like you said, the Love is there. I thought bringing Yoochun back to his old life, making him abandon Junsu would be the best for him. I was wrong. I just wish…they were normal people with normal lives, but they’re not…”

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Micky lit his cigarette. The click of the lighter was nothing compared to the sounds of pain coming from the man lying on the cold ground. But the men who were beating the victim still heard the click and knew of Micky’s arrival.

They stopped kicking the bleeding man and turned to face Micky. No one dared to turn his back towards Micky.

“He’s not talking,” one of the six men said. All six were older than Micky, but all six feared him nonetheless.

Micky took a step closer, allowing the dim light to touch his handsome features. The man on the ground was clenching his stomach, coughing blood as he looked up to meet Micky’s lifeless eyes.

“What should we do?” another one asked.

Micky crouched down to get a better look at the bleeding man. Blood covered his face and the pain was evident, but his eyes still reflected a fighting spirit. “Where is the microchip?” Micky spoke in a cold voice, analyzing the details of the other man’s features.

His face was more sculpted, more masculine. Not like…

“He’ll talk if we torture him some more!” one man interrupted.

Micky turned his head slightly to glare at the man who had spoken. The piercing eyes frightened them all, causing everyone to hide under the silence.

“Make him let her go. Make him let us both go and I’ll give back the microchip,” the man strained to speak, through the pain and through the blood.

Micky looked into those pleading eyes. Naïve and stupid.

All of the men heard Micky’s scoff, heard him mock the other man’s stupidity. All of the men saw Micky grab the front of the man’s stained shirt, pulling his face close. Micky’s expression was threatening. His lips moved, subtly; no one else could hear what he was saying. But the bloody man’s reaction to the words was one of shock and anger.

Everyone assumed that Micky had just spoken insults and threats to their victim…or just a painful truth.

Micky stood up again, dropping his cigarette and allowing the tip to burn the man’s hand. “Last chance.”

He glared up at Micky. He coughed and blood trickled from the corner of his lips. The hand that was clenching his stomach had moved up to clench the area above his heart. He closed his eyes and turned his face away, announcing his refusal to talk.

Micky uncovered his gun and aimed it at the man on the ground. He waited ten more seconds, giving the man one last chance to speak. He didn’t speak.

In the next second, Changmin appeared at the end of the alley, shouting, “Micky!”

At the same second, a young man who had been hiding in the dark ran out in attempt to save his dying brother, shouting, “Junho!”

Micky pulled the trigger.

One of the six men saw the intruder and automatically struck him with a metal rod. Micky watched with cold eyes as the young man fell onto the ground, his half-open eyes moist as he took one last look at his dying brother.

“Xiah…” the dying man whimpered as he extended his weak arm, trying to reach for his little brother. His hand was only inches from his little brother’s hand when he took his last breath.

Changmin ran to stand next to Micky. Silence sailed through the dark, damp alley. Everyone had their heads lowered, staring coldly at the two bodies on the ground (one of them still breathing).

“Why did you kill him? Bae didn’t want him dead,” Changmin demanded.

Micky turned his head slightly to meet Changmin’s eyes. In a voice void of emotions, he lied, “He pissed me off.”

“He pissed Bae off too, but Bae doesn’t want him dead. How are we going to get the microchip now?”

Micky’s eyes turned to look at the unconscious man, his white shirt contrasting with the black of the ground that he was lying on. The blood trickling down the side of his head didn’t match the pale white of his skin either. “Kim loved his twin. Take him to the hospital and make sure he wakes up.”

Micky spared one last look at the man with the metal rod in his hand before walking away.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Kibum had to lean forward with both arms on the counter to prevent from falling over. This was too much information; too dark.

“I…I knew there was a reason Yoochun was pretending to be Junsu’s brother, but I never imagined…never thought…I mean, even if Yoochun was an assassin and he was ordered to kill Junsu…they can still get their happily-ever-after. They can keep running and avoid those…bad men…”

“It’s not that simple,” Changmin wished he could hug Kibum. “Who can love his brother’s murderer, especially when Junsu loved his sibling, the only family who…was left?”

Kibum bit his lip and blinked fiercely. He didn’t want to cry. Stories and novels were one thing, but reality struck hard and had no mercy.

“I’m sorry,” Kibum quickly wiped away the teardrop that he couldn’t control.

Changmin surrendered. He walked over and wrapped his arms around the other man. “I think you’ve had enough for today.”

Kibum shook his head. His hand formed a fist on the front of Changmin’s shirt, “There’s a way, isn’t there? There has to be.”

“No, there isn’t. We can help them hide, help them run, but no matter how far they run, they can’t run from Junsu’s memory. He could recover any minute, any second and it would be the end. He would know that Yoochun killed his brother and hate Yoochun forever,” Changmin paused and closed his eyes. “And he would hate himself for being in love with Yoochun.”

======

“You know everything?”

Kibum nodded. “Changmin told me everything last night.”

Yoochun smiled a little. He had his doubts about Kibum, especially since he’d only known the man for a little more than two months. Add to that, Yoochun never trusted anyone easily. But it doesn’t seem he’ll have a choice with Kibum. He’s reminded of this every time he sees the way Changmin looks at Kibum.

“Sorry for having to drag you into this.”

Kibum shook his head. “You shouldn’t be sorry. I’ll…I’ll talk to Junsu.”

Tell Junsu that he is not, absolutely not, in love with Yoochun. Tell Junsu that it’s impossible. Convince him of the impossibility…and yet deep down, Kibum knew: he can turn Junsu’s mind away, but he can’t turn Junsu’s heart away.

“Thank you,” Yoochun smiled a genuinely thankful smile. This was it. This is what it’s come down to. He’s been found out by Kibum, but he can still keep running. He can still take Junsu and continue to run.

Unless Junsu regains his memory, there is nothing else to stop Yoochun from continuing this lifestyle…with Junsu.

“I have to get going,” Yoochun excused himself.

“It’s Sunday. You don’t work today,” Kibum said, as if afraid to let Yoochun leave. Unconsciously, he’d made himself the guardian of Yoochun and Junsu. Like Changmin, Kibum would defend them for as long as possible; allow them the happiness for as long as possible.

“I need to go pick up some grocery and some batteries. I’ll see you later,” Yoochun waved good-bye and walked into the elevator. Kibum stood outside his apartment and watched Yoochun leave.

When the elevator door closed, Kibum turned to stare at the opposite door. Junsu was most likely in there, sleeping or eating and not knowing. Kibum took a step forward and stopped. He didn’t want to do this.

The door behind him opened and Changmin walked out. “Kibum?”

Kibum craned his neck to look at Changmin. “I don’t want to do this.”

“I know. I don’t want you to do this.”

=====

Yoochun paid for the items and left with the plastic shopping bag. He walked out of the store and stopped to scan his surrounding. Ever since that day, he’d become more aware of his location. He made sure that no one was following him.

He slipped on a pair of sunglasses and started to walk, to go home. Home: where the heart is. Home: where Junsu is.

Yoochun’s lips formed a small smile as he recalled Junsu’s laughter and bright smile. He walked towards the bus stop, but froze when he saw a familiar man. His defense rose and he covered the lower part of his face, as if covering a cough. He turned around and started to walk the other way, hoping the familiar man did not see him.

Yoochun eventually made it back to the apartment, on feet. When he opened the door, he found a note on the coffee table.

[Hyung: Kibum and Changmin are taking me to McDonald’s! I’ll be back soon! And you forgot your cell phone!]

Instead of writing out ‘cell phone,’ Junsu had drawn one. The note ended with a sloppy drawing of a grinning stick-figure. This made Yoochun smile, but he still missed Junsu.

He set the note back down on the table, next to the forgotten cell phone. He walked to the window and made sure that there wasn’t anyone sneaking around out there. When he was sure that the familiar man had not seen him and therefore, had not followed, Yoochun went back to his usual routine.

He accomplished some chores before settling down on the couch. On the coffee table in front of him were three small, security cameras and the pack of batteries he had bought earlier. He’s timed the usage and was sure that they need battery changes now. Even if they didn’t the new batteries right now, Yoochun wanted to change them to make sure that they worked properly.

He’d bought these cameras and kept them hidden around the apartment just in case anything happens to Junsu while he was at work, like if Bae’s men ever found the apartment. If not Bae’s men, then…Junho’s best friend (that familiar man who was searching for Yoochun near the bus stop).

Pushing the thought away, Yoochun started to change the batteries on the camera. Once they were all changed and back in the hidden places around the apartment, Yoochun connected some cords on the back of the T.V. He sat down on the couch and switched the T.V. on to check that the cameras were in the necessary positions.

When he was sure that the cameras were in the perfect angle, he decided to go back on past recordings. The cameras ran on a memory chip and since they’re turned on 24/7, the memory capacity would start to fill up. He would need to scan them and then delete. But as he scanned through the recordings, he found that he didn’t want to delete some of the clips.

Some clips had Junsu simply lounging on the couch and stuffing his face with food. Other clips had Junsu taking afternoon naps or running around the apartment trying to do chores. One clip had Junsu sitting on his (and Yoochun’s) bed, surrounded by Mr. Bunny and Micky. It was like he was having a picnic (on a bed) with the two stuff animals.

Yoochun checked the date and time. It was from yesterday, a little after Kibum brought Junsu back from ice cream (during the time when Yoochun had almost killed Kibum). What caught Yoochun’s attention was Junsu’s expression. It was…weird: not quite upset, but not quite happy either.

Yoochun turned on the volume and was thankful that the camera had voice recording…even though he had to turn it ALL the way up just to get a low volume of Junsu’s voice. If something was bothering Junsu, Yoochun wanted to know. He wanted to fix it and to free Junsu from anything that might be bothering him.

He moved closer to the T.V. so he could hear what Junsu was telling the two stuff bunnies.

Chapter 21

Yoochun wanted to ask how the conversation with Junsu went, but didn’t have the courage to know. If Kibum and Changmin weren’t going to say anything about it then he would assume that it went well. Besides, he had other things to focus on.

“We’re going to move again.”

“What? Why?”

“We’ve never stayed in one place for too long anyway,” Yoochun paused. “And I saw Junho’s best friend snooping around again yesterday. He didn’t see me, but I don’t want to risk anything.”

“He’s in the area now?”

“I led him to the other side of the city last time, but he’s not stupid. He would find us eventually.”

“Okay, we’ll…”

“No,” Yoochun cut Changmin off. “It’s just Junsu and me.”

“What? But…”

“No,” Yoochun cut Kibum off. “I know you guys want to help, but I don’t want to drag you two into this.”

“We’re already in it,” Changmin reminded.

“Then it’s time you guys pull out.”

“Chunnie…” Kibum wanted to protest again. Yoochun smiled a little because he’d grown to like the nickname. He’d miss it.

“I really appreciate your concern, but I want to do this myself. We’ve done this plenty of times so we won’t need any help,” Yoochun’s eyes begged them to understand, to turn a blind eye. “And Changmin, please, just stop following me.”

“I can help…”

“If Bae doesn’t already know that you’re helping me, then he’ll find out eventually. Don’t risk yourself for me.”

Kibum glanced at Changmin, wondering if the taller man would continue his life as an assassin. Can Kibum live with that?

“Geun Suk has been keeping me clear. Bae won’t suspect me,” Changmin explained. Geun Suk owed Changmin his life and even though he was one of Bae’s favored men, he still agreed to help Changmin.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to drag you along and I don’t want to cause any problems for Geun Suk either. He’s a good kid,” Yoochun recalled. He remembered the people from his past and he might miss some of them, but he certainly didn’t want to go back.

“Micky…”

“Stop calling him that!” Kibum exclaimed, jabbing Changmin in the gut (because they were sitting that close to each other). And Kibum was paranoid.

“Sorry,” Changmin murmured. Then he corrected himself, “Yoochun, is there anything I can do? I want to be there. What if Junsu remembers? What if he…?”

‘What if he tries to kill you?’

Yoochun looked down at his hands, rough with experience and scars. “Junsu won’t kill me…even after he remembers.”

=====

“Okay, thanks for the quick search. No, I won’t need further information. The apartments in that area are very quiet and small, but it shouldn’t be too hard to find,” Yoochun spoke into his cell phone. When he hung up, he saw Junsu walking into the room (hugging Mr. Bunny to his chest).

“We’re moving again?” Junsu inquired with sad eyes as he took a seat next to Yoochun on the floor.

Yoochun stopped placing the folded clothes into the suitcase. He turned his whole body so that he was face to face with Junsu. “I know you don’t like moving all the time. I’m sorry.”

Junsu looked down at the stuff animal. “Are Kibum and Changmin coming with us?”

Yoochun felt guilty. “No, I’m afraid not.”

“Oh,” Junsu was looking down because he didn’t want Yoochun to see his disappointment. Yoochun was thankful that Junsu never asked WHY they were always moving. But then, he’d told so many lies already. What’s the difference if he told another one?

“Junsu, would you rather stay with them?” Yoochun slowly spoke each word.

The younger man’s head shot up immediately. “No! I like to move! If Hyungs move then Junsu will move too!”

“Junsu…” Yoochun murmured, but Junsu continued to ramble.

“Hyung isn’t leaving me with someone else, right? Hyung is not leaving Junsu, right? Please don’t leave me, Hyung! I’ll be good! I won’t be sad anymore! See? I’m smiling! I’m smiling!” Junsu formed a wide grin with his lips. He held up the stuff animal, “Mr. Bunny is smiling too!”

Yoochun placed his hand on Mr. Bunny; not taking it from Junsu, but just holding onto it with him. “You’re thinking too much, Junsu. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Junsu smiled with relief and scooted closer to Yoochun. “So Hyung won’t leave me?”

Yoochun smiled. “No, Hyung won’t leave you.”

Junsu’s smile turned into a grin. “Yay!”

“See? This is a pretty smile: real and from the heart. A fake smile isn’t beautiful.”

Junsu couldn’t quite understand, but he said, “Okay. I will only smile pretty smiles. And Hyung must always have a real smile. All of Hyung’s smiles are very pretty. I will be like Hyung and smile pretty smiles.”

Yoochun turned away before Junsu could reach up to play with his bangs (in a loving way). He continued to pack and stood up to take the rest of the clothes out of the closet. Junsu continued to sit in the middle of the room with Mr. Bunny in his arms. His eyes were on Yoochun the whole time, lips grinning happily.

=====

Jung Yunho opened the door, but there was no sign of the person who had rung the doorbell.

“Who is it?” a blond man walked up behind him and encircled his waist with strong arms.

“I don’t know,” Yunho replied. He saw the box on the ground and picked it up.

“Be careful.”

Yunho turned back to look at the beautiful man. “Step back.”

“No, if it’s a bomb then it can blow us up together.”

“Jaejoong…”

“Open it.”

Yunho sighed. He should have known by now that arguing with Kim Jaejoong would only lead to a loss. He opened the box. Inside was a post-it note with an address on it, along with a picture.

“It’s Xiah! And…from the looks of it, this picture was taken from a hidden bush. You can see it here,” Jaejoong pointed at the bottom right corner of the picture.

“And his hair. It’s similar to the one we saw at the amusement park. This has to be recent,” Yunho observed. He looked at the post-it with the address on it. “Then…this address is where we can find him? But…who?”

Jaejoong released Yunho and took the picture into his own hands to see if he could find anymore clues. The surrounding was definitely a park, but there were too many parks in Seoul. He looked at the address, “I’ll look up this address online. Go grab your coat.”

“But how do we know this isn’t a trick?”

Jaejoong stared into Yunho’s tired eyes and raised his hand to frame his face. “I’m willing to take any chances we have. I really can’t stand seeing you suffer any longer.”

Yunho felt his heart swell and knew why he was always so thankful to have Jaejoong by his side. What he did to deserve the man, Yunho didn’t know. “Thank you…for everything. I don’t tell you that enough.”

Jaejoong smiled. “You know what else you don’t tell me enough?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you,” he gave the taller man a quick peck on the lips before running into the room to get his laptop. Along the way, he tripped on a thick romance book that had fallen on the ground. He didn’t fall, but he almost did.

=====

Junsu stared at the nearly empty room and began to feel sad. But he quickly pushed the thought away. He would miss this room, but he would have his Hyung. He turned around and walked out of the room.

Yoochun was taking care of the luggage. It really wasn’t much: one luggage for Junsu and one for Yoochun. They wouldn’t be taking much else with them.

Junsu walked out to see Kibum and Changmin. Kibum was already in tears and Junsu quickly ran to hug him.

“It’s okay, Kibum. I can call you and you can call me. I can call Changmin and Changmin can call me. Maybe you two can come visit me too.”

“Junsu is more mature than you,” Changmin drawled. Kibum pulled out of the embrace just to punch Changmin’s arm.

“Kibum, after we leave, can you promise to not fight with Changmin anymore? I think you hurt his feelings,” Junsu said, looking nothing like he was joking.

“What? He does not!” Changmin exclaimed.

“I think he does,” Junsu paused. “And I’m scared. Kibum has started to hit you a lot. Maybe you should start carrying band-aids with you, Changmin.”

Changmin wanted to tell Junsu that band-aids don’t work on bruises. But yes, he did notice that Kibum has gotten more…‘touchy’ lately too. There hadn’t been much change between them…because it just didn’t feel right to be starting a relationship when their friends were in a crisis. Besides…what did Kibum think about dating an assassin?

“I will buy him pink band-aids,” Kibum sniffled.

“I think Changmin will look very pretty with pink band-aids,” Junsu smiled, but his happiness didn’t reach his eyes. He was still too sad, too reluctant to leave his friends.

“Hmph,” the tallest man huffed, turning his face away in a snobby manner.

Kibum whacked Changmin’s six-pack, “Stop acting tough! You know you want to hug him!”

Junsu giggled, but couldn’t understand why his eyes were moistening at the same time. He took the initiative to hug Changmin.

The taller man tensed. This was the second hug (the first was at the amusement park). Uncomfortable, but he still wrapped his arms around Junsu. Junsu broke into a proud grin and Kibum joined the group hug.

Yoochun walked into the apartment to find the bundle of three. He wished he didn’t have to separate them, but he didn’t have a choice. This is for the best…for everyone.

“Guys, we need to get going.”

The three turned their heads to acknowledge his presence, but neither would loosen the embrace. “Chunnie, join us.”

“We’re running out of time. Let’s go,” Yoochun grabbed the last of his belongings (cell phone and keys). He’s turned to walk back out of the apartment when he heard the footsteps. Even though he could, Yoochun didn’t bother to escape when the three trapped him in a huge group hug.

Chapter 22

Yoochun had locked up and returned the keys to the landlord. He made Changmin bring Kibum back to their apartment and keep the shorter man busy. Letting Kibum follow them downstairs and to the taxi would only cause a huge crying scene.

Before leaving, Yoochun had reminded Changmin and Kibum of their promise to hold back, to not come after Yoochun and Junsu.

Now they were driving away in the taxi. Junsu was staring out the window, trying hard not to cry. Yoochun wrapped an arm around the younger man. He positioned Junsu’s head on his shoulder and whispered, “Go ahead.”

Junsu burst into tears, hiccupping and sniffling like a cute child. Yoochun was prepared with soft tissues to wipe away the tears.

“Where to, sir?” the taxi driver inquired because Yoochun only told him to drive straight.

“Actually, I forgot the paper that had the address on it. Why don’t you stop here for me?”

The taxi driver found it weird that the young man didn’t ask him to drive back to the apartment complex. It was one street away, but maybe they didn’t have enough money either. So he dropped the two men off on the sidewalk.

Junsu was too busy crying to care. He missed Kibum and he missed Changmin. But at least he still had his Hyung.

“Junsu, stay here, okay?”

Junsu wiped the tears from his eyes and saw that they were standing in front of a park’s entrance. Across the street were some houses. Had they arrived already? But they’re still really close to the apartment.

“Hyung?”

“Stay here.”

Yoochun was busy scanning their surrounding. He kept turning away so Junsu couldn’t see his expression. Junsu took a hold of Yoochun’s hand, “Hyung…”

“Listen to me and stay here,” Yoochun spoke in a stern voice, pulling his hand free of Junsu’s hold.

Junsu had never heard that tone before. He remained quiet and watched as Yoochun started to walk across the street. When he reached the other side, Junsu still couldn’t figure out what was happening. Where was the taxi? Where were the luggages? Why had they stopped at the park near their previous home?

“Hyung!” Junsu shouted to the older man who stood too far away.

Yoochun clenched his fist and told himself that he couldn’t turn around, couldn’t look back at Junsu. But he did. And when he turned around, he saw Junsu taking one step onto the street.

“Stop! I told you to stay there! Just stand right there!”

“Hyung! Where are you going? I want to come with you,” Junsu pleaded.

Yoochun wouldn’t look at Junsu. His heart was being torn into countless pieces and the pain was his only source of energy…that and his Love for Junsu. “Stay there. I’m just…going back to the apartment to get something. I forgot something important there. Don’t follow me.”

“Hyung…” Junsu was starting to sob again, but Yoochun wouldn’t allow himself to look. He had to run, fast, before Jung Yunho arrived to take Junsu away. He had to run and he didn’t want Junsu to run with him. He would be left to run away on his own from now on.

“Stay there,” Yoochun repeated before turning his back to Junsu again. He took one step before the combination of Junsu’s voice and a car’s honking horn tackled his senses.

On impulse, he turned around to see Junsu running across the street and a speeding car driving towards him! The driver was honking, but he wasn’t stopping!

“Hyung!” Junsu only cared about reaching Yoochun.

“Junsu!” Yoochun ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He leapt forward and pushed Junsu out of the vehicle’s way. Both bodies rolled onto the rough texture of the street, causing scars and burns.

The back of Junsu’s head made contact with the cement of the sidewalk. Breathless from the Fear, Yoochun quickly examined Junsu’s head, hating the painful expression on the angel’s face. He found blood on his hand the second he touched the wound.

“Junsu! Junsu! Are you okay? Open your eyes! Open your eyes and look at me!” Yoochun felt his heart speed and his breathing was heavy. His eyes moistened and his throat was painfully dry. He was scared, really scared.

People who were in the park were starting to walk out to see what the honking was about. They were shocked to see two men on the street, one bleeding and the other one crying.

Junsu couldn’t open his eyes. He wanted to shut out the pain and he wanted to shut out…shut out…something else. What was it? What was he feeling? What was he seeing when his eyes were still closed?

He heard Yoochun’s voice, shouting for him to respond. His body was being shaken and his head hurt. He released a cry of pain when a sharp pang hit his temples. His whole head felt like it wanted to explode.

“Junsu!”

“He’s bleeding!”

“Junsu! Open your eyes!”

“Oh, my gosh, is he all right?”

“Junsu!”

“Hurry and call the ambulance!”

Junsu tried to open his eyes again and when he did, blurry visions became clear. But he wasn’t seeing the physical vision in front of him (of a desperate, crying man). He saw more, visions that had once been lost.

Darkness. Wet. An alley.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Stay quiet! No matter what, stay quiet and stay hidden!”

“Who are they? What are they going to do to you?”

“Xiah, if you love me, you have to promise to live! You have to save yourself! No matter what happens, no matter what you see, you have to stay hidden! Promise me!”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Junsu!” Yoochun shouted his name again.

Junsu realized that he was lying on his back. He was looking up…at Yoochun. But…it wasn’t Yoochun.

His head hurt even more and he closed his eyes again. When he opened them a second later, his vision was blurry again, but he thought he was seeing the person from the flashback. His soft lips murmured, “Junho.”

=====

“Junho.”

Yoochun’s eyes widened and it felt like his heart had stopped. His face paled and his whole body tensed. He saw the pain on Junsu’s expression and he wanted nothing more to take it away. But he couldn’t. Not now, not ever. Not anymore.

Then he looked up to see two men fighting to get through the crowd.

“Xiah!”

Jung Yunho grabbed Yoochun’s shirt and pulled him up. The blond man who was with Yunho took Junsu into his own arms. Junsu was still murmuring incoherently.

Yoochun only took one last look at Junsu before using all his strength to push Yunho away. He ignored the pain on the shoulder he had fallen on and untangled himself from Yunho’s grip. Like last time, he had to push another innocent bystander in order to escape.

He ran and ran and ran. He couldn’t get another look at Junsu, wouldn’t know if the younger man would be okay.

But he would be. He would have his friends back. He would have his old life back. He had his memories back.

And Yoochun…had nothing.

=====

“So we’re just going to coop ourselves up in this apartment?”

“I’m surprised I don’t have to chain you down,” Kibum drawled. He glanced at the remote, but didn’t feel like watching T.V. He didn’t feel like doing anything at all. “I hate this.”

“I know,” Changmin sighed. Kibum had cried in his arms for a good while before calming down. Then they’d sat in silence, silently fighting the urge to go after Yoochun and Junsu.

But Yoochun was right. What could they do? They could only help with so much and they wouldn’t be able to help with what mattered most…no one would. And Yoochun knew…that following them, seeing them would only make Kibum and Changmin more depressed, upset, guilty. They would constantly feel guilty for something they can’t control. Yoochun didn’t want that.

And maybe he just wanted that alone time with Junsu.

Changmin had given him some money and wished him the best of luck. He told Yoochun to call him, if he ever needed anything. Although Changmin kept glancing at his cell phone, he knew that Yoochun wouldn’t call.

“Let’s just go to sleep,” Kibum suggested.

Changmin looked out at the sunset. It was too early to sleep.

“Okay,” he agreed, watching Kibum stand up to walk into his room. “Kibum…”

Kibum stopped walking and turned around to look at Changmin. “Hmm?”

“I noticed that you might be catching a cold. Take some medicine before it worsens.”

Kibum nodded. “Thank you.”

For the rest of that day and the rest of the night, both lied in separate rooms, staring up at the ceiling and praying for their best friends.

=====

“Xiah!”

Junsu opened his eyes and saw the familiar face.

Xiah? Junsu? What is his name? Xiah. It’s ‘Xiah’.

“Yunho,” Xiah murmured. He tried to sit up and the older man helped him.

“Perfect timing,” another person walked into the room.

“Jaejoong.”

The blond man grinned and hugged Xiah. “You remember me! I’m so happy!”

Xiah returned the hug and felt reluctant when Jaejoong pulled away. He wanted to be hugged. Just…hugged. Because he felt cold and empty.

“I brought food. You need to eat,” Jaejoong uncovered three bento boxes from the brown bag.

“Thank you,” Xiah accepted the box. The three ate in silence. The atmosphere was awkward, different. But a lot has happened since the last time they had sat down together, conversing and laughing.

“The doctor said that your shoulder might be sore for a couple of days. X-ray shows that your head is fine though,” Jaejoong explained. “Overall, you’re fine.”

“If you were hurt, I would kill…”

“Yunho,” Jaejoong stopped him. “I don’t think Xiah wants to be reminded of that person right now.”

Xiah placed a piece of carrot into his mouth and chewed quietly. No, he didn’t want to be reminded of Micky Park…at all.

Chapter 23

“I’m leaving.”

“What? Where? Are you coming back?”

The question wasn’t ‘When are you coming back?’ The question is ‘Are you coming back?’

“I’ll be back in time for dinner,” Changmin replied.

Kibum turned away sheepishly. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

Changmin understood. Kibum was afraid. They hadn’t spoke much in the past two days after Yoochun and Junsu left. Neither knew what to say. Both were afraid to talk.

Where would they go from here?

Kibum didn’t know. He just didn’t want Changmin to leave. As a matter of fact, he didn’t want Changmin to keep working as an assassin. Sure, he made good money, but it was too dangerous and too…horrible. It’s wrong. Too wrong. But staying with Changmin felt right. Very right.

Changmin didn’t know where he’d go from here. He wanted to confess to Kibum. Because he’d finally admitted that he was helplessly in love. But…he was still an assassin, a part of the mafia. He couldn’t run from this identity. And this would put Kibum in danger too. Changmin now had a weakness and if any of his enemies, or if Bae found out, Kibum would be in danger.

He couldn’t risk that.

But he knew that no matter where he went, he’d still come back to Kibum.

Changmin put on his coat and opened the apartment door. He stopped in his track when he saw the three men standing in front of the other apartment. Kibum noticed and abandoned his laptop to stand next to Changmin.

“Junsu!” Kibum gasped. His first thought was whether Junsu was okay (because he saw the bandage around the man’s head).

Xiah looked at Kibum and then at Changmin. His eyes remained on Changmin. He wanted Changmin to speak; he wanted to see if he could recognize Changmin’s voice. Was Changmin the one who had cried out ‘Micky’ that second before Junho had been shot to death? Xiah couldn’t remember because he had been knocked unconscious before Changmin walked into view.

Was Changmin an assassin too? Did Changmin have a hand in killing his brother?

Why couldn’t Junsu remember Changmin’s voice? Another headache struck and Junsu clenched his fist to fight the pain. The doctor had warned him about this.

“Who…who are these people?” Kibum inquired, noting the hostility coming from the two strangers. Changmin’s eyes were on the tallest of the three. Both gazes were unwavering. No one spoke. No one knew what to say.

“Officer, officer, I have the keys here!”

Everyone turned to see the landlord appear from the elevator. He carried a key in his hand.

Kibum’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Officer’? So the two strangers are…

Changmin grabbed Kibum’s arm and pushed him back into the apartment. He locked the door, his expression telling Kibum that he was frustrated. Kibum was confused and frightened, but it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together.

The man out there was no longer ‘Junsu’.

=====

“I found this,” Jaejoong pulled the luggage out into the living room. “It was in the bedroom on the right. There’s a huge stuff bunny and a Superman figurine in there too.”

Xiah stared in the direction of the room that was once his own…before he started to share that one room with Yoo…with Micky Park.

“It’s just clothes and normal stuff,” Yunho informed. “And I doubt they belong to Park.”

Xiah looked at the luggage. It was his luggage, holding his belongings. Yoo…Micky never put this luggage onto the taxi. Was this what he ‘forgot’ and was ‘going back’ for?

“There’s nothing else in this apartment. No clues of where he could be,” Jaejoong was talking. “What should we do with this stuff?”

“Nothing.”

“Just…take it with us. I’ll go through it and see if I can remember some stuff,” Xiah offered. “Maybe I’ll find some clues to help you find him.”

“Okay, let’s grab the other stuff in the room and get out of here. We need to find another place to stay before those people find us again.”

Xiah nodded and followed the two. In his mind, he recalled yesterday’s lie.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“We went to the hospital to find you, but they told us that your brother had taken you home. They told us that you had amnesia and when I showed them a picture of Micky Park, they verified that he was the one who checked you out of the hospital,” Yunho retrieved a picture from his pocket and handed it to Xiah.

Xiah tried not to stare too long at the man in the picture. “Why would he kidnap me?”

Yunho and Jaejoong exchanged glances. They didn’t want to be putting too much on Xiah since he was still recovering.

Just minutes ago, when Yunho had asked Xiah what had happened to him in the past months that he’d gone missing, Xiah had claimed that he couldn’t remember anything about that certain period.

“Xiah, Junho was…in the mafia. He worked for one of the worst leaders; the leader’s name is Bae. The group was involved in drugs, prostitution, and murder,” Yunho explained. He really didn’t want to ruin Junho’s image in Xiah’s heart. “For some reason, Junho got a hold of a microchip that had information on all the illegal transactions between the mafia’s leader and hundreds of other dealers.”

Xiah remained quiet and expressionless throughout the explanation. “Xiah, do you want to rest?” Jaejoong offered.

“No, please, continue.”

Yunho nodded. “When he tried to blackmail Bae…”

“For money?” Xiah inquired. He never thought his brother was the greedy type.

“I don’t know. Junho wouldn’t tell me,” Yunho paused. “And I didn’t blame him. We’re childhood friends, but we are on opposing ends.”

“So they killed him…for the microchip?”

“Yes and I would assume that after they killed him, they thought that you would know where the microchip is.”

“I don’t.”

“They don’t know that. They didn’t expect you to suffer from the amnesia so they had no choice, but to kidnap you. I guess Micky Park was assigned to take care of you until you recovered and he could get the information out of you.”

“And then kill me,” Xiah murmured. Yunho and Jaejoong exchanged glances. They couldn’t quite read the emotion in Xiah’s tone. He was definitely upset and that was normal.

They just didn’t know that Xiah was upset for a reason unknown to them.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

=====

“What the hell is going on?”

“Changmin, calm down.”

“Calm down? I called you twenty times and you didn’t pick up!”

“I picked up now.”

“Damn it, Yoochun, what the hell is going on?” Changmin shouted into the phone.

Kibum grabbed the phone from Changmin and spoke in a softer voice, “Chunnie, are you okay? Are you safe?”

“I’m fine, Kibum,” Yoochun replied, but the fatigue in his voice was evident. Fatigue…and many other melancholic emotions.

Changmin grabbed the phone back and put it on speaker phone. “Start talking,” he demanded.

“What is there to say?” Yoochun’s hoarse voice came through the speaker. Had he been crying?

“You set it all up, didn’t you?”

“I did, although…I didn’t expect him to get his memory back so soon.”

Changmin looked at Kibum. They shared confused expression. “What do you mean? Didn’t you leave him because he got his memory back?”

Yoochun went ahead and relayed the scene in front of the park to them. Ending with, “…I’m just glad Junsu is okay now.”

“Yes, he seems okay. They wouldn’t have let him leave the hospital so soon if his injury was serious,” Kibum tried to make Yoochun feel better.

“It wasn’t serious, but it was enough to bring his memory back. What the hell is this? Some kind of movie?” Changmin exclaimed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Okay, so he got his memory back after that incident. Then…why did you plan on leaving him when he didn’t even have his memory back? Did he have another, more vivid, dream?”

“No.”

“Chunnie, please don’t make us drag every word out of you. We want to help you,” Kibum begged. He wanted so much to hug Yoochun right now, to comfort the hurting man.

Yoochun sighed and the two could sense his surrender. “I had someone locate Jung Yunho’s location. He was living in a small apartment thirty minutes away from us. I asked my friend…”

“Who?” Changmin wanted to know. He got a feeling it was someone from the mafia, one of their (few) former comrades.

Yoochun ignored the question, “…to place a picture and a note in front of Jung’s door. I timed it so that they would arrive in front of the park around the same time that we would be there.”

“Why, Chunnie? If Junsu still didn’t have his memory at that time, why did you do it? I thought the only reason you would let Junsu go was…if he got his memory back. If he hadn’t hit his head when you tried to leave him, then he probably wouldn’t have gotten his memory back. You could have stayed with him longer.”

The phone was silent for a few, long seconds before Yoochun spoke again, “Because something unexpected happened.”

Chapter 24

“Because something unexpected happened.”

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Yoochun turned on the volume and was thankful that the camera had voice recording…even though he had to turn it ALL the way up just to get a low volume of Junsu’s voice. If something was bothering Junsu, Yoochun wanted to know. He wanted to fix it and to free Junsu from anything that might be bothering him.

He moved closer to the T.V. so he could hear what Junsu was telling the two stuff bunnies.

“Kibum says that Love is something really amazing…better than all the candy and ice cream in the world,” Junsu was saying to Mr. Bunny. Then he turned to Micky (the larger bunny). “And he says that Love can overcome ANYTHING. It’s…more powerful than all the superheroes in the world. Kibum says that Love can have a little bit of confusing times and maybe cause a little hurt, but in the end, it’s always a good thing. He says it happens because it should and no one can stop it…no one should try to stop it.”

Yoochun frowned. Kibum has been telling Junsu too much…and Junsu has remembered it all.

But Yoochun still couldn’t quite understand why this was bothering Junsu. Or maybe he didn’t want to know why Junsu would be brooding over something like ‘Love’.

“Kibum asked me a really good question today and…hmm…let me ask the two of you,” Junsu spoke like a teacher as he placed the two bunnies side-by-side in front of him. He cleared his throat, “Mr. Bunny, are you in love with Chunnie? Micky, are you in love with Chunnie?”

Yoochun’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. That was what Kibum had asked Junsu?

Yoochun’s palms began to sweat and his heart rate quickened. He wasn’t sure he wanted to watch the rest of this clip. But he had to.

Junsu looked like he was listening to a response from the two stuff animals. Then he suddenly pointed a finger at himself, “Me? You ask if I’m in love with Hyung?”

Yoochun held his breath.

“Um…I think I am. I mean…Kibum once explained to me how to tell if I’m in love with a person and…everything he talked about…matched everything I feel when I see Hyung. I read some stuff in the magazines that tell you whether you love a person too. I miss him when I don’t see him, I like hugging him, seeing him happy makes me happy, seeing him sad makes me want to make him happy,” Junsu started to list off a few more things. Then he finally said, “So…yes, yes, I am. But…am I allowed to be in love with him? Why? Well, because…we’re brothers and…can brothers be in love with each other? I haven’t seen anything about it in Heebon’s magazines. Oh! Oh! But I did read a book about it once…in one of Heebon’s romance novels! I can’t remember the title. Do you remember the title, Mr. Bunny?”

Yoochun leaned back onto the sofa and his whole body felt weak. Did Junsu just admit to being in love with Yoochun?

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Kibum begged for forgiveness.

“Kibum, stop. It’s not your fault,” Yoochun allayed. “It’s…a good thing.”

“What if Junsu was just…interpreting everything in the wrong way? He has the mind of a child.”

“I didn’t want to risk it…and I’ve noticed that we’ve become very close. Too close,” Yoochun recalled the many times Junsu had hugged him, cuddled with him and…kissed him. Maybe an innocent heart would see Love when it appears, because an innocent heart wouldn’t deny.

“So you sent him back to Jung?” Changmin still can’t understand why Yoochun would let Junsu go like that…especially since Yoochun had been so determined to keep Junsu with him until (if) Junsu remembers. It was Changmin who had tried to make Yoochun send Junsu away in the beginning.

“I didn’t have a choice. It’s not supposed to happen. I had it planned and this…this isn’t supposed to happen. I had even prepared myself for the day when he would recover, when he would hate me…but I didn’t plan on him falling in love with me too!” Yoochun was almost shouting now. He stopped talking for a moment, trying to control his emotions.

“Chunnie…”

“I was selfish! I could have sent him back to Jung long ago! Jung would have been able to protect him from Bae! But I didn’t! I took him with me! I didn’t want to let him go! I kept denying that he had fallen in love with me and…you think I can’t feel it? You really think I can’t tell…from the way he looks at me? But…hearing him say it…I can’t deny it anymore. I was so happy. So happy and yet so scared at the same time! You said it yourself, Changmin! It’s cruel to make your enemy fall in love with you!”

“You didn’t ‘make’ him! Maybe it was meant to happen…” Kibum tried.

“No! If…if I hadn’t gotten so close, if I’d been more careful! If I didn’t give into the impulse of…wanting to be closer to him…this wouldn’t have happened!”

Changmin understood. Yoochun accepted from the beginning that he was in love with Junsu, perhaps at first sight (they’d met more than once when Junsu came to the bars to find Junho). At the same time, he’d accepted that Junsu would one day recover. He was ready for the day when Junsu would remember, would hate him. That would be the day that he would run away by himself. That would be the only reason he would leave Junsu.

But another reason surfaced, ambushing Yoochun’s perfectly laid out plans. It wasn’t included in his plans because he never thought (expected) Junsu would return his feelings. And if Junsu did fall in love with Yoochun, then he wouldn’t be able to hate Yoochun…he’d hate himself.

Changmin felt a clot in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. What could he tell Yoochun? That even if Yoochun let Junsu go back to Jung Yunho, it’s too late to make Junsu fall OUT of love with him? That even if Yoochun let Junsu go back to Jung Yunho, Junsu’s Love wouldn’t fade?

But maybe Changmin didn’t have to point those facts out. Maybe Yoochun already knew and was just…denying it.

“Chunnie, where are you right now?” Kibum asked. Changmin could see Kibum’s desperation to comfort Yoochun.

Yoochun had his emotions held down now and spoke in a calmer voice, “I planned for Jung to find Junsu at the park because it’s far enough from the two of you, but close enough for Junsu. Jung would have wanted him to lead them back to the apartment. I had left Junsu’s belongings in his old room. They wouldn’t find me, but…since I didn’t expect Junsu to remember his past; I wanted to give him the comfort of his belongings. I was hoping it would make it easier for him when he starts adjusting to life with Jung…and that he would eventually let go of those belongings…”

…and that he would eventually let go of the past, of Yoochun.

Wrong. So wrong, Yoochun.

“Chunnie, where are you?” Kibum tried again.

“But I guess he won’t need those belongings. He remembers Jung and won’t have a problem going back to him,” Yoochun chuckled, bitterly and sadly. “I won’t have to worry that he won’t follow Jung home.”

“Where are you?” Changmin spoke in a stern voice, demanding an answer. He could feel Kibum’s hand gripping tighter onto his own (because they were both holding the cell phone).

“I picked up the phone because I owe the both of you an explanation. I tried to keep you out of this, as best as I could. Please, continue to stay out. Jung won’t go after you because he doesn’t have evidence that you were involved in Junho’s murder. Junsu didn’t see you at the scene either and at that moment…seeing his brother die…I doubt he could remember your voice. So just…stay out of it. Stay with Kibum.”

“What about you? Where are you…?”

“I’ll be okay. I just need to be alone. Don’t look for me.”

“Yoochun!”

“Chunnie!”

The call ended.

=====

Xiah sat on the bench, staring up at the stars. In his hand, he held a picture that Yunho had given him. It was one of him and Junho. The wind whistled a sad tune and he wanted to cry.

He’d lied to Yunho and Jaejoong. He told them that he didn’t remember anything from the period when he was with Yoochun…no, with Micky Park. But he did remember and he remembered clearly.

And Xiah knew. He couldn’t deny it. He’d fallen in love with Micky Park during that time. With a child’s mind, he had been sure. With his present mind, he was even surer.

Some people can tell when they’re in love. Some people can’t tell. Xiah was one of the unfortunate people who could tell.

But why did it have to be with him? With his brother’s murderer? With the man that Yunho wanted to capture?

It turns out Yunho has been after Micky for years, but he always failed in finding evidence to convict the man. Yunho was inspector of his department and had planted a spy in the mafia. It was just minutes after the spy had called Yunho to tell him about Kim Junho’s murder that one of Bae’s men discovered the sacrificed agent and killed him on the spot. With only word of mouth and Xiah as the only witness, Yunho immediately tried to find the younger man.

The spy had told him the basics: Junho was killed by Micky Park and Xiah was in the hospital because he witnessed the scene.

But when he finally found the right hospital, he learned that Xiah was suffering from amnesia and had left with his ‘brother’. Believing that Xiah was only alive because of information that he might know, Yunho had to race against time to find Xiah before he recovered.

So is it true? Had Micky been assigned to take care of Xiah until he recovered so that they can get the information out of him? And to gain his trust, Micky had been the nice, caring, beautiful brother? Was it all fake? Had Xiah fallen in love with an illusion by the name of ‘Yoochun’?

Would Micky Park really have killed him?

No.

Yunho had said that someone left a note to lead them to Xiah. Yunho and Jaejoong didn’t know who left the note, but Xiah had a Guess. His Guess is that Micky had left the note.

Xiah closed his eyes and buried his face in his palms. But what about the attack at the hospital last night?

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Rest for tonight. You can leave the hospital tomorrow and we’ll go back to the apartment to see what we can find,” Jaejoong’s eyes were soft and he spoke in a soothing tone.

Xiah nodded. “You two should go home and rest.”

“We will. Now sleep,” Yunho pulled the blanket higher to cover Xiah’s shoulders, like the older brother that Xiah…used to have; like Junho.

Xiah closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He faked sleep so that Jaejoong and Yunho could leave.

“Let’s go home to shower and then come back later,” Jaejoong said to Yunho.

“I don’t know if I want to leave him by himself,” Yunho sighed. Xiah felt guilty.

“You’re right. But you still need to eat. Let’s go to the cafeteria to see what they still have and then bring food back here. It’ll be quick,” Jaejoong held Yunho’s hand for better persuasion.

Yunho smiled at Jaejoong and nodded. He took a glance at the ‘sleeping’ Xiah before they walked out of the hospital room. They left the door open so that nurses and doctors walking pass would prevent anyone from intruding the room.

They almost reached the end of the hallway and were about to turn the corner when Jaejoong accidentally bumped into the nurse. The nurse was wheeling a cart and containers of pills fell out.

“I’m so sorry!” Jaejoong immediately knelt down to help her pick up the pills.

“It’s okay,” she murmured as she picked up the pills and placed them in whatever container was available. Yunho felt his senses tense and he watched the nurse with careful eyes. She performed a quick bow before continuing to push the cart down the corridor.

Yunho was staring at her as she walked away.

“Hot, isn’t she?” Jaejoong drawled with a cocked eyebrow.

“Hot and suspicious,” Yunho replied.

“Suspicious?”

“I think I’ve seen nurses bring medication out from that room over there,” Yunho pointed to a door behind them. “But she’s walking in the opposite direction. She can’t be feeding those medications to people if they’ve been on the ground.”

Chapter 25

Jaejoong blinked. “Do you think…?”

Without another thought, both ran back towards Xiah’s assigned room. They made it in time to see the nurse giving Xiah two sleeping pills (that were not part of the doctor’s prescription).

Yunho pulled out a gun and aimed it at the nurse while Jaejoong ran over to save Xiah from swallowing the pills. He pushed the shocked Xiah off the bed and pulled him over to stand behind Yunho. The girl didn’t even bother to feign confusion; didn’t bother to hide her intentions.

“Who sent you?” Yunho demanded.

Before any of the three could blink, her leg rose to skillfully kick the gun out of Yunho’s hand. Jaejoong leapt to catch the gun while Yunho used his other hand to swiftly grab the girl’s ankle. He tugged and twisted at the same time to make her lose balance. Her small body landed on the tiles, but she showed no pain.

Her eyes were cold as she stood back up, ready to attack Yunho again while Xiah stood there in utter shock. But before she could land a punch on Yunho, Jaejoong had the tip of the gun pointing at her temple. “Don’t move.”

She didn’t fear the possibility of death. She swung her arm to push Jaejoong away and ducked skillfully away from gun point. Dodging Yunho’s attempt to capture her, she backed away towards the window. Giving them a cold smirk, she escaped through the smaller opening.

Xiah’s eyes grew wide and found himself fearing for the girl’s life (even if it’s just the second floor). The three ran to the window to see the girl landing skillfully on the ground like a cat. And like a panther, she disappeared into the darkness just as fast.

“Who sent her?”

“Park,” Yunho replied, sounding too certain. “Or even Bae. Or perhaps the both of them. And the only reason she ran away is because she’s not allowed to kill you. They don’t want you dead…yet.”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

After the attack, they quickly checked out of the hospital and went back to Yunho and Jaejoong’s apartment. They moved to a hotel for the night so that Xiah could rest some more. And this morning, they went back to the apartment that he had shared with Micky Park for the past couple of months to find evidence (where they ran into Kibum and Changmin).

Yunho said that Micky had been taking care of Xiah because of orders from his mafia boss, Bae. Now that Xiah had so called ‘escaped’ Micky, then Micky would have returned to Bae’s side to help him. Is that how it works? But Yunho didn’t know that Micky had purposely let Xiah go…so wouldn’t that put Micky in trouble with Bae?

But…how is Xiah to know that Micky ‘purposely’ let him go? He didn’t have proof that Micky left that note in front of Yunho’s door. And that day, Micky just said that he’d be going back to the apartment to get something that he’d forgotten. He told Xiah to stand in front of the park and wait for him. Yet it just didn’t seem right that Micky would forget a whole luggage. And his expressions and tone that day when he told Xiah to not follow him was…out of character.

Xiah rubbed his temples and closed his eyes. He was thinking too much. He can’t think too much, especially about Micky Park.

The bottom line is that Micky Park is an assassin; he killed Xiah’s brother, his last kin on this Earth. All Xiah needs to think about is helping Yunho arrest Micky, to avenge Junho.

Xiah looked down at the picture of his brother and himself. “Don’t worry, Hyung. Yunho will arrest Park and give you justice. He won’t get away with this murder.”

As for the Love…it will fade eventually (as long as Xiah doesn’t admit that Yoochun loved him in return).

=====

Meanwhile, back at the apartment complex, Changmin received a call on his cell phone.

“Listen to me carefully. Bae knows and he’s sending men after you. He wants to catch everyone involved. And you know Bae. You know that he won’t just kill you if he catches you. He’ll make you suffer before he kills you. He’s sent men out to find you, Micky, Jung Yunho, Xiah Kim...and the other two, who he thinks knows about the microchip.”

“Other two?”

“A ‘Kim Jaejoong’ and a ‘Kim Kibum’.”

Changmin glanced at the sleeping man who had his head on Changmin’s lap. Tired from crying silent tears (after the phone conversation with Yoochun), Kibum had fallen asleep. “How does he know about them?”

“His men had been trailing Jung for two months already, but they did not attack because they wanted Jung to lead them to Xiah. Once the hospital begins to die down after visiting hours, Bae’s men were going to capture the three of them. But for some reason, Jung took the two of them and went underground. I’m not too clear about the details, but the two men who were sent out to trail them said that the three suddenly disappeared from the hospital last night.”

Did Jung finally find out that Bae’s men had been following them? How?

Now he’s taken the other two and gone into hiding? He was a policeman. Why didn’t he just have Witness Protection cover for them? But Changmin knew from experience that the Witness Protection team was no match for Bae’s men. Jung probably knew too.

“Who is he?” Changmin chose his words carefully, making it sound like he was having a casual conversation.

The man on the other line, Jang Geun Suk, understood, “Jung’s companion, I would assume. He was with Jung the whole time they were searching for Xiah Kim.”

“And what about the other?” Changmin’s other hand unconsciously brushed a strand of hair from Kibum’s cheek.

“Bae’s men found the four of you living in that apartment complex two weeks ago. They continued to stalk the four of you and were just waiting for Xiah’s memory to come back before they attacked.”

Meaning one of Bae’s men had probably witnessed the scene of that night when Kibum had found out the truth. Changmin made a note to cover all windows with curtains and search every inch of the apartment for listening devices.

At the same time, he thanked the Heavens that there had been too many people at the park that day for Bae’s men to attack.

“Changmin,” Geun Suk spoke after a small pause. “You might want to go into hiding for a while. I think the only reason he hasn’t ordered someone to kill you is because he wants to use you to find Micky.”

“Does he know?” Changmin inquired, hoping Geun Suk would understand the ‘he’ in his question. It wouldn’t be appropriate to say names, especially if he didn’t know whether there were listening devices planted in this surrounding.

“Does Micky know that Bae’s men had been stalking the four of you? I don’t know. Where is he anyway?”

Changmin sighed. What little hope he had been holding onto slipped from his grip. He was hoping Geun Suk would know where Yoochun is.

“I don’t know.”

=====

Yoochun was on the bed of the tiny motel room, the heater didn’t work and the light bulb on the lamp was almost dying. Leaning on the rusting headboard, he held the two pieces of jewelry so that they hung at eye-level. Both silver necklaces matched in shine, but the two pendants were all Yoochun cared about.

His cell phone began to vibrate. Seeing the caller ID, he wished he could have gotten this call sooner. But he knew that it was difficult for the caller to find private time to call Yoochun.

“Go ahead,” he spoke in his deep, icy voice.

“It’s done. They left the hospital last night.”

“Did Bae’s men see you?”

“I knew where they were hiding and slipped some sleeping pills into their drinks when they weren’t looking. But they’ll just think they fell asleep from fatigue and alcohol. They definitely won’t tell Bae about it and report that they saw nothing out of the ordinary during that time. They’ll lie their way out of getting into trouble with Bae.”

“Good.”

“Is there anything else?”

“No,” Yoochun paused. He shed his icy voice and said, “Thank you, Boa.”

“I owed you and I’ve repaid it. Funny that I used to dream about growing up to be a nurse,” she chuckled bitterly.

“It can still happen.”

She was silent for a moment, surprised that such words were coming from Micky Par. But she eventually replied, “No, it can’t. Once an assassin, always an assassin.”

She hung up and Yoochun turned off his phone. He sighed and continued to stare at the two necklaces in the dim light.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Hyung, isn’t this necklace mine?”

Yoochun’s heart almost stopped when he saw Junsu holding up the necklace with the rectangular pendant. It was just a small, silver plate with diagonal, checker imprints. “Where did you find that?”

“When I was trying to find your I.D. to see when your birthday is,” Junsu replied truthfully.

Yoochun stared at the necklace for a moment. It was the necklace that was around Junsu’s neck when he’d been taken to the hospital. When he’d woken up with amnesia around midnight (three days after being taken to the hospital), Yoochun had told him that they were siblings. Surprisingly, Junsu believed him. He’d told Junsu to go back to sleep and that everything will be all right.

He’d sat next to the hospital bed, waiting for Junsu to fall back to sleep. And when he did, Yoochun had taken this necklace off. He didn’t want to risk having the necklace trigger Junsu’s memory.

He’d hidden it like a dirty secret and Junsu had found it.

And it did trigger something in Junsu’s memory. “You remember that it’s your necklace?”

Junsu flipped the silver pendant back and forth as he analyzed it. “I really think it’s mine. I remember thanking Hyung for giving it to me.”

Yoochun’s heart missed a beat. Junsu remembered thanking his ‘Hyung,’ but it was luck that he thought the ‘Hyung’ was Yoochun. He remembered words of gratitude, but he didn’t remember an image of the event. He didn’t remember that the ‘Hyung’ he had thanked for the necklace wasn’t Yoochun; it was Junho.

“It’s your necklace,” Yoochun confessed and was shocked at the feeling of actually telling Junsu a truth. It felt…good.

“Really? Can I wear it?” Junsu grinned widely.

“It’s…broken. I’ll buy you another one later,” Yoochun quickly said. After that small truth, he had to tell another lie again. It felt…horrible.

Junsu examined the necklace and couldn’t quite understand why it was ‘broken’. But he trusted Yoochun. “Okay!”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Yoochun’s eyes scanned the rectangular piece of silver. Then he returned his gaze to the silver ‘J’ pendant on the other necklace. He’d kept his promise and bought Junsu another necklace…but he didn’t have the guts to give it to the younger man.

Pushing the thought away, Yoochun used his other hand to touch the rectangular pendant. It was slightly thick and was originally sealed on all sides. But that was before Yoochun had skillfully sliced it open to reveal a tiny microchip.

He’d suspected as soon as Junsu recalled that his ‘Hyung’ had given him the necklace.

Another reason that made Yoochun suspect was the sudden ‘Change’.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Micky sat at his usual table in the corner of the foggy room. People around him were smoking, drinking, dancing. He caught sight of Kim Junho sitting at the bar, flirting with a girl who wore too little clothes and too much makeup. It was good that Kim was here tonight.

Micky checked his watch before turning his gaze to the bar’s entrance. Seconds later, in walked Xiah Kim.

Micky knew Xiah as Kim Junho’s younger twin. They looked so similar, yet so different. One dressed in all black and baggy clothes over a more masculine build. The other wore white, perfect fitting clothes that showed off a strong fashion sense.

Today, Xiah wore navy blue jeans with a black and white striped shirt. The neck of the shirt was wide to show off smooth skin and the necklace that Xiah always wore: a necklace with a cross-shaped pendant. The angel version of the Kim twins was a saint, a believer of God, too good for Micky Park.

Micky downed the rest of his beer while watching the interaction that he’d seen many times in the past month (ever since Junho had started coming to the bar more often). The younger sibling finding the older one; trying to talk him into going home; being rejected and told to go home by himself. It was all too familiar, but it never bored Micky.

Seeing Xiah at this time of the night was always the highlight of his dark day.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Chapter 26

He never gave up. Whenever Junho was at the bar, ruining his future with alcohol and drugs, Junsu would be there trying to save him. And whenever Junsu was there, Micky would be there to watch him, noticing everything about him.

The cross-shaped pendant, Junsu wore it all the time. It didn’t matter what article of clothing he was wearing, he always had the necklace on him. So why wasn’t he wearing it that day when he watched Yoochun kill Junho?

Junsu loves his brother, no matter what Junho does. He’d listen if Junho gave him a necklace and requested that he wear it. He’d put away his favorite necklace and wear the one that his beloved sibling bought him.

So why did Junho decide to give Junsu this necklace around the time that all Hell was preparing to break loose? Yoochun found out why when he followed his instincts and cut the pendant in half.

In the dim light, Yoochun continued to eye the rectangular pendant. He’d saved the microchip, just in case Bae would find them one day. It might come in handy if he needed to save Junsu from Bae.

Junsu was with a cautious Jung Yunho now, protected and hiding. But this microchip would still come in handy.

=====

“Look, I know it’s not on the record, but if I send you a post-it note and the picture, do you think you can sweep them for fingerprints? Please, I really need you to run the search for me,” Yunho spoke into the phone. His other hand was rubbing his tense neck and the bags under his eyes were very visible today.

When he saw Xiah walk into the living room, he gave the younger man a warm smile and pointed towards the kitchen to indicate breakfast. Then he walked into his and Jaejoong’s shared room; closing the door before saying another word to the person on the other line.

Xiah found Jaejoong in the kitchen. “Morning, Xiah! I’m making an American breakfast. It’ll be quick.”

“Jaejoong, what’s wrong with Yunho?”

Jaejoong paused for a quick second before continuing to take another egg out of the carton. “What do you mean?”

“Why does it seem like he has so much trouble trying to get someone to run a search for him? Doesn’t he have a team of people to do that for him?”

Jaejoong’s head lowered and he turned his back to Xiah, pretending to be busy with the stove. “He’s fine.”

“Jaejoong,” Xiah didn’t have to say anymore.

Jaejoong cracked. “He’s no longer the inspector of a team. He’s basically on suspension right now…after his undercover man died and…”

“And he spent all his time trying to find me and catch Micky Park,” Xiah finished the sentence because Jaejoong looked like he didn’t want to. And he really didn’t because he knew that it would make Xiah feel guilty.

Jaejoong just didn’t know that the guilt was ten times more than his expectation (because Jaejoong didn’t know about Xiah’s lie to them and Xiah’s love for Micky).

“Please, don’t feel guilty. He did it because he loves you and he loves Junho. He doesn’t regret anything that he’s done.”

“Are you regretting?” Xiah suddenly asked.

“What?” Jaejoong couldn’t understand where this conversation was going.

“Do you regret for him? When he doesn’t let himself feel a certain emotion, do you feel it for him…in his place?” Because you love him that much. Because it’s true love. Is that how Love works?

“Xiah, I’m not going to lie. Yunho loves being a cop and it hurt me to see him give up his job…but I know that it’s for Love. You and Junho are more important to him than his career. So I don’t regret anything…for myself or for him,” Jaejoong said, hoping he answered Xiah’s question.

Xiah wasn’t looking for that answer. But then, he didn’t even know what he was asking. He was thinking about Micky Park again and he shouldn’t be.

“Thank you…for everything,” the younger man smiled. Now Xiah was sure that his eyes were not playing tricks on him when he’d watched Yunho flash the fake badge at the landlord that day they went back to the apartment. The landlord was too old, with too poor of a vision, to notice the false material, but Xiah wasn’t. He’s suspected that day, but didn’t question Yunho.

“Xiah, please, don’t feel guilty,” Jaejoong paused, the remorse visible on his pretty façade. “We didn’t tell you because we didn’t want you to feel like it’s your fault.”

“I understand. Thank you,” he repeated with a small smile.

Jaejoong walked over to the younger man and wrapped his arms around Xiah. “Everything is going to be okay. You’re back and safe with us. We’ll find Micky Park, arrest him, and Yunho might even be able to get his job back.”

Xiah nodded slowly, his eyes glazed with an unreadable, melancholic emotion. “The important thing now is to find Park and arrest him…for what he’d done to Junho.”

Jaejoong was a bit confused by Xiah’s sad tone, but guessed it might be because he was remembering his deceased sibling.

=====

Changmin toyed with the small Superman figurine in his hand. He wondered if Junsu had taken the bigger Superman figurine with him. If not, then where was it now?

Changmin found himself missing Junsu, the innocent, simple minded man that would give him warm hugs and genuine smiles. He could never hate Junsu like he used to.

“I’m ready,” Kibum announced as he walked out of his room. Then he stepped closer to Changmin and whispered, “I just finished contacting my manager to tell him that I need a vacation. You don’t think…those men will go after Heechul, do you?”

Changmin hoped not. “No, I don’t think they will. I’m sorry for having to make you move.”

“It’s okay,” Kibum smiled a little. “I didn’t really like this apartment anyway.”

Not after Yoochun and Junsu had left.

“We’ll go into hiding for a little while. Once I figure out how to fix all this, you’ll be free to live normally again.”

Kibum looked down sadly. He didn’t want to know HOW Changmin planned to take Kibum’s name off the hit list or what Changmin meant when he said ‘free’. ‘Free’ from what? From Death? From Changmin?

“Let’s go,” Kibum urged as he pulled his messenger bag over his shoulder and grabbed the keys. Changmin had secretly (and skillfully) taken their luggage to his car in the hidden corner of the parking lot. He’d found the listening devices, but did not disable them (to prevent suspicion).

Bae’s men were probably still watching them right now, but it won’t be a problem once Changmin gets the car engine started. He was known for his driving skills, whether trailing or escaping from enemies.

Changmin knew that he couldn’t do much now. He had no idea where Yoochun is hiding, but was confident that Yoochun would be able to take care of himself. He had no idea where Junsu is, but knew that his two friends would do everything they can to protect him. All Changmin can do now is protect Kibum…and himself.

=====

Yoochun didn’t flinch when every single person in the bar turned their attention to him. Some were shocked by his existence, others by his appearance, and some who didn’t know him wondered why this handsome man’s presence created such a hostile atmosphere.

Not wanting to be a part of the hostility, everyone turned away when two men walked up to Yoochun. They grabbed his arms, which he easily swung away. They silently followed as he made his way to the back of the bar, up the stairs, and to Bae’s private office. He would be there today; it’s Wednesday.

Yoochun didn’t bother to knock. He walked right into the office where Bae was expecting him (informed by the surveillance cameras).

Bae was sitting in his leather chair behind the mahogany desk. The expensive cigar was only halfway burnt when he crushed it into the ash tray. The action was dramatic and fierce, demonstrating a threat to Yoochun.

“Welcome back, Park,” he spoke in a mocking voice. Two of his most trusted men (Jang Geun Suk and Kim Kangin) stood by his side. The two men who had tried to drag Yoochun to the office were standing at the door (guarding).

There were only four of them present in the office, but Yoochun knew that Bae had many more men outside. He knew Yoochun as well as Yoochun knew him. It would take more than four to restrain him and even more to kill him.

“I’m back and I have a deal you can’t refuse.”

“You are in no position to bargain with me.”

“I have the microchip,” Yoochun easily spoke, his expression cold and voice calm.

Bae’s eyes were the only sign that he was angered by Yoochun’s intentions. He knew that if the cops got their hands on the microchip, the consequences would be dire.

And Micky Park was too smart to be standing here if he didn’t believe that he would walk out of here alive. If Bae killed him right here and now, Micky must have a way to get the microchip to the cops even if he died. How Micky would do it, Bae didn’t know; but Bae knew that he can’t ever underestimate Micky Park.

“I’m listening,” Bae spoke in his rough voice.

“Let me join. I want a part of it. I want in on all your trades and I want a portion of the profit.”

Bae’s eyes turned into slits, his brows furrowed. Yoochun could guess what he was thinking. Bae was a man of greed; he wanted it all, money and power. Because he was so greedy, he would see the existence of such greed in other people.

“I knew you were always a greedy bastard,” Bae quipped. “Five percent.”

Yoochun’s expression didn’t change. “Twenty.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’ve lost everything and I spent the past months working my ass off; living the live of a slave. Then that bastard got his memory back and now he hates me. I left my life and money for him and he won’t even forgive me,” Yoochun spoke with anger and hatred. “You said so yourself: Money is the only long-lasting thing in this world. I want money and you won’t stand in my way.”

Yoochun held his breath as he stared into Bae’s eyes. He almost wanted to cross his fingers (like Junsu used to do when he wished really hard for something). He tried to read Bae’s reaction; wanted to know if the mafia boss believed his lie.

It was no mystery to Bae. He knew that his best assassin had foolishly fallen in love with Xiah Kim and that was why the betrayal happened.

Would Bae believe that Yoochun had gone through poverty (working three jobs, unable to purchase expensive items, etc.) and realized the importance of money? Would Bae believe that Junsu’s betrayal has hurt Yoochun so deeply that he has lost all trust in love; that he only believed in money now?

People were like that, especially people like Bae. If he believed in something, he will see it reflect in other people. His greedy nature has convinced him that all humans are greedy. Just the same, his failure to believe in love will convinced him that Micky was being a fool and that he didn’t really love Xiah Kim.

“Fifteen.”

“Twenty or we all go down together,” Yoochun had gained control of his emotions again, as if it was important to him (as if that feigned outburst of anger was not supposed to happen).

“Boss,” Kangin murmured, as if asking for instructions. Geun Suk already had his hand on his gun, cold eyes watching Yoochun carefully.

Bae raised his hand to tell his men that there wouldn’t be a need for bloodshed. He stood up to match Yoochun’s eyes, “Twenty then. Since you have the microchip then you know the schedules of our trades. Geun Suk will make sure the money gets to you no later than two days after the trades.”

“I don’t trust you and I don’t trust the men you work with. I want to be there at every trade and inspect on my own.”

Bae smirked as if the idea didn’t bother him at all. “As you like, since the ball is in your court.”

Yoochun only spared Geun Suk and Kangin another cold glance before turning around to walk out of the office. The two men at the door stepped aside and closed the door after him.

“Boss, are you just going to give in to him so easily?” Geun Suk spoke after Yoochun left.

Bae smirked with confidence as he stared at the door. His eyes piercing as if he could see pass it; could see Yoochun’s retrieving back. “If he wants to play games then I’ll play with him. Besides…the cops have been hot on our trail lately. Micky Park would make a good scapegoat.”

Chapter 27

Xiah sat on the floor of his room. The luggage was open and exposed to his eyes, to his memories.

Next to the luggage were Mr. Bunny, the box encasing the homemade Bunny-shaped lollipop, Micky (the large bunny Changmin had won at the amusement park), the big Superman figurines, and Micky Mouse (from Heebon). Micky (the large bunny) was wearing the friendship bracelet that Kibum had given Xiah.

Xiah closed his eyes, as if wanting to shut out the memories from the past. What else is he supposed to do?

He heard the knock on the door and immediately masked his emotions. “Come in.”

Jaejoong and Yunho opened the unlocked door and walked in. “Xiah, are you okay? It’s pretty late and we saw that your lights are still on.”

“Yeah, I was just…trying to see if I can remember anything that might help us find Micky Park,” he lied.

The two older men glanced at the luggage and the toys that they had helped carry out of the apartment complex. “He treated you pretty well,” Jaejoong murmured.

“To gain my trust,” Xiah immediately added. “I would assume.”

Yunho found the reaction to be weird, but he figured it was from all the stress Xiah has been suffering. He was probably still jittery about everything that had happened.

Jaejoong knelt down next to Xiah so he could get a better look at the stuff animals. “These are cute. Did you name them?”

Yes.

“I can’t remember,” Xiah lied again. Jaejoong’s encouraging, warm smile was a like a punch to his guts.

“It’s okay, Xiah. It takes time. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“It’s late. Get some sleep. They shouldn’t be able to find us here,” Yunho tried to ease the fear. Xiah nodded obediently.

=====

Yoochun stood under the moonlight, hands in his pockets and emotions hidden behind his dark eyes. A silver necklace dipped into a V around his neck and a ‘J’ shaped pendant was hidden under his black scarf.

He silently watched the transaction.

Geun Suk and Kangin were inspecting the packets of white powder. The partner (and provider) waited patiently, along with other men that they had brought along.

The partner glanced at Yoochun and Yoochun knew what he was thinking. He was wondering why Yoochun was even there in the first place. Yoochun was known as Bae’s best assassin, but he never had a part in trades.

But at least this told Yoochun that Bae had kept everything about Yoochun’s betrayal under a blanket of secrets. He didn’t want his partners knowing that he had been betrayed by his best assassin and that there was a microchip floating around that could land his partners in jail.

Tearing his gaze away from the partner’s eyes, Yoochun pulled out a cigarette box from his pockets. He pulled out a cigarette and placed it between his lips. He searched his pockets for a lighter, but couldn’t find one.

Geun Suk and Kangin stopped inspecting for a few seconds to watch the partner order one of his men to bring Yoochun a lighter. Yoochun wasn’t in trades, but many people in the illegal industry knew and respected the intelligent, capable man.

Yoochun smirked and accepted the lighter. After lighting the cigarette, he made no effort to return it immediately. He examined the expensive silver coat and nodded slightly to approve of the material. Having finished expressing his appreciation for expensive materials, he returned the lighter to the partner’s right hand man.

“Everything looks good,” Geun Suk finished inspecting the cart of drugs. He ordered for one of the lower status men to hand him a suitcase.

The partner checked the large amount of money in the suitcase before nodding in approval. “The amount is correct. We hope to continue doing business with Mr. Bae in the future.”

“We hope to see you again, Mr. Hwang,” Kangin spoke in place of their boss. Bae didn’t like coming to these trades, to avoid risk and to express his high status as being too good to work with his own hands.

The partner, Mr. Hwang, nodded before signaling for his men to leave. He gave Yoochun a small bow of his head before walking away.

Yoochun did not move to respond. He turned his eyes to Geun Suk and Kangin when one of those spoke, “You’ve seen the inspection. There are exactly sixty packets, one kilo in each. You also know the price of each packet so we cannot lie about the profits.”

Yoochun didn’t respond. He threw his half-finished cigarette into the sand and walked away without crushing it.

Another successful trade.

=====

“Inspector! We just received this packet addressed to you. It’s been cleared for suspicion and inside is supplies for a listening device…minus the listening devices.”

“Any fingerprints?”

“No.”

Cho Kyuhyun’s brows furrowed. “Who could have sent us these?”

His team member who had brought him the packet was hesitant, but suggested, “Perhaps it’s Yunho.”

Kyuhyun blinked at the mention of the former Inspector. He had been under Yunho and was promoted to Yunho’s seat after the older man had been suspended.

Yunho seems to have disappeared after his suspension. He’d been warned to stay away from the Kim Junho case, but Kyuhyun knew that his team leader wouldn’t give up so easily…or at all. Was Yunho sending Kyuhyun all these clues so he can help find Micky Park and arrest them? Of course he’d have to do it secretly, because if the Chief found out about his involvement, then Yunho may lose all chances of becoming a cop again.

“Donghae, go pay Eunhyuk a visit in the lab. Have him set up these devices and track the listening devices.”

Lee Donghae nodded. “Yes, sir.”

=====

“I found a job,” Xiah informed. “It’s at a floral shop.”

“Xiah, are you sure you want to work?” Jaejoong inquired. “It’s okay, you know? We don’t need the money.”

They didn’t need the money. Jaejoong used to be a business man and had inherited a large sum from his deceased grandparents. He’d met Yunho and Xiah when his ungrateful father returned in attempt to claim the inheritance. Xiah had just gotten his degree and had been shadowing the experienced lawyer that Jaejoong had hired.

Befriending Jaejoong and introducing him to Yunho may be the only good thing Xiah has ever done in his life. But he wanted to do more.

“It’s just a small shop down the streets. We’re not too close to the previous location so they might not find us. I’ll be careful. I even applied with the fake I.D. that…Micky Park had made for me.”

With this job, he’d be living a part of his life as ‘Kim Junsu’ again.

Jaejoong bit his lower lip. He knew Xiah didn’t like staying at home all the time. It was like he was suffocating. And perhaps working would take his mind off all the horrible things that have happened.

It was too dangerous for Xiah to keep pursuing his dreams to become a lawyer, but a small floral shop couldn’t hurt too much. They still didn’t know how long they would be hiding for.

“If you’re sure…” Jaejoong began.

“Junho liked flowers,” Xiah suddenly murmured, and that broke down Jaejoong’s entire defense. “He started really liking flowers three weeks before he was killed. I saw him reading about flowers, what types there are and what they symbolize.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to Yunho about this…as soon as he comes back.”

“Thank you, Jaejoong. I’ll be careful. I promise. I’ll even be wearing a hat when I’m on the job.”

Jaejoong raised his hand to place a strand of hair behind Xiah’s ear. “I understand. Now go get some sleep. I’m going to wait up on Yunho.”

Xiah nodded and stood up to leave the small living room. Jaejoong picked up a magazine and began to skim through it. It was nine and Yunho should be getting back in another half hour.

They currently lived an hour away from the original location. Yunho had been taking the hour drive back to the place in effort to find Micky Park. He wasn’t confident that Park would still be in the area, but he didn’t have any other source to follow.

And Yunho had his whole heart set on making sure Micky Park is punished for his deeds.

=====

“In the past two months only, five groups have been arrested and the police have closed down all their headquarters. Two of them had to burn their storage rooms just to prevent the police from finding information about their past business transactions,” Geun Suk informed the man sitting in the leather chair.

“At least none of our trades have been found out by the police,” Kangin noted.

Bae released a breath of smoke. “Who is leading the chase?”

“Cho Kyuhyun is the Inspector of the department. He succeeded Jung Yunho,” Geun Suk recited the information.

“So the successor is better than the previous inspector,” Bae analyzed. “What do those five groups have in common?”

Geun Suk was quick to answer, “I’ve analyzed each of them. A similar point that deserves attention is their trades with Hwang. He was their biggest supplier for cocaine and meth.”

Bae frowned. “Don’t we trade with Hwang?”

“Yes, the last time was two month ago,” Kangin recalled. “Do we want to risk trading with him again?”

“We don’t know if he’s the traitor yet and besides, without those five sects, I’ll be making more money. Just be more careful with Hwang,” Bae took another drag on his cigarette. “And if the police ever track us down on a trade, make sure they have all the evidence they need to convict Micky Park.”

Chapter 28

Yoochun eyed the numbers on the calendar and crossed out another box. He walked over to the window of the condo. It was an expensive condo. After all, he’d received a lot of big money from Bae in the past two months. And it was a condo just three blocks from the police station. Just to give Bae a little scare…among other reasons.

Yoochun had been living a live of secret luxury in the past two months. He kept his identity a secret, didn’t talk to his neighbors, and lowered his head when he walked pass the nearby police station, but living nonetheless.

Yoochun wondered where Changmin and Kibum were. He wished he could talk to Changmin; wished he could laugh with Kibum. He missed someone who could talk some senses into him; he missed being called ‘Chunnie’. But at least Yoochun knew that they were still together. Changmin would take care of Kibum and Changmin would take care of himself for the same reason.

Yoochun wondered where Junsu was. He wished he could hear Junsu’s voice, see Junsu’s smile, listen to him laugh, watch him sleep. He missed Junsu…a lot.

Yoochun reached into his pocket and took out a green lollipop. He assumed that Junsu had already eaten the homemade Bunny-shaped lollipop (since Yoochun never saw it again after the birthday party). Yoochun didn’t eat this green lollipop though.

Junsu, Changmin, Kibum…even Jung Yunho and his companion, Kim Jaejoong, were safe for now. But they can’t hide like this for the rest of their lives.

And the other people that had helped Yoochun, people like Boa. They had been forced into the mafia and wanted out, wanted to escape and live a normal life. But it’s not possible to escape the mafia…at least, not unless you destroy the whole empire.

Yoochun clutched the green candy in his fist.

Yoochun would set them all free from Bae. All he needed was time.

Five of the smaller gangs had been knocked out by the police. With less competition, this would bring in more business for Bae. He didn’t have a reason to suspect Yoochun…yet. But Yoochun knew that Bae was ready to use Yoochun as a scapegoat whenever he needed.

Bae was a man who had everything he wanted: money and power. Unlike the five sects, Bae would be able to escape if the police ever found evidence against him. He had the money to hire the best lawyer, and he had the money to hire someone to take the blame for him. Money can easily make a man lie in court, under the eyes of blind justice. If money didn’t work, Bae could easily kidnap a loved one and use Blackmail as his weapon.

So why is Bae still so concerned about the microchip if he already has a defense to keep him out of jail?

The microchip would cause his biggest business partners to be put in jail and without them, he would lose money. If he lost money, he would lose power altogether. Bae didn’t just want to stay OUT of jail; he wanted to keep the money and the power.

Greed is Bae’s weakness.

Greed is Yoochun’s weapon.

=====

“Another one?”

“Is, but this is a different model. The listening device is missing again. It might just be like the previous set…except the listening device must be attached to another sect of the mafia,” Donghae predicted.

“Could it really be Yunho? But…how is he doing all this?” Kyuhyun frowned. “The little girl who gave this to me could only describe a man wearing a cap. That could be anyone.”

“At least we know it’s a man. The first package was found in the waiting area and the security camera couldn’t even see who put it there. All it had was your name and after it was cleared of suspicion, the department sent it over to us,” Donghae reminded.

“Go have Eunhyuk set it up. If it’ll help us bring down more sectors of the mafia then it’s a good thing.”

=====

“Maybe you should go back to the station and try…”

“No, my supervisor would only try to keep me away from the case,” Yunho closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “The Chief only wants to crack big cases. Because Junho was just another member in the mafia, he didn’t find it worthy of taxpayer’s time. I can’t go back until I find Micky Park.”

“But we don’t even have evidence to prove that he killed Junho. There…there isn’t even a corpse,” Jaejoong reminded sadly.

“We have Xiah as witness and…I’ll keep trying to find evidence. Junho was my best friend, a brother. I won’t let his death drown in the injustice just because my supervisor was a son of a…”

“I understand,” Jaejoong wrapped his arms around the younger man.

Yunho sighed. He’d changed so much in the past months. He’d been obsessed with finding Junho’s murderer that he’d lost himself.

“I’m sorry, Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong smiled and touched the ends of Yunho’s hair. “Don’t be. I wouldn’t love you if you weren’t so dedicated to your loved ones.”

Yunho took Jaejoong’s hand away from his hair and held it in both of his own. “How’s Xiah?”

“Good, I think he finds comfort in working at the flower shop. He says that he’s learning a lot about flowers from his employer and it gives him somewhat of a connection with Junho.”

“Connection? How?”

“Junho liked flowers.”

“Since when?”

Jaejoong tried to remember. “About three weeks before his death.”

Yunho blinked. He didn’t know that. Another reason why he had been such a horrible friend…and he wanted to make up for neglecting his best friend by avenging his murder.

“And Yunho…,” Jaejoong interrupted his thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been going all over the place trying to find Park…and you’ve neglected keeping up with the rest of the world,” the blond man explained as he pulled out a stack of newspaper from the bottom of the coffee table.

Yunho read the headlines on each newspaper and magazine, skimming the most informative ones that Jaejoong pointed out. “Five?”

“Inspector Cho told the media that they had a secret source that they are unable to reveal to the public. What do you think the source is?”

“Or ‘who’ the source is,” Yunho analyzed. He was proud of Kyuhyun. The younger man had been the best on his team. “It doesn’t matter. If they can eventually bring down Bae then that will leave Park with no one to help him stay hidden.”

“I just hope all this controversy with the police will distract Bae from wanting to find Xiah,” Jaejoong voiced.

Yunho sighed. “I’ve been neglecting the both of you. I haven’t even thought about how we can prevent Xiah from having to hide for the rest of his life. Even if I catch Park, Bae would still be out and about. He probably still thinks Xiah has the microchip and will continue to hunt for him.”

“Witness Protection can get him a new identity, right?”

“That means he’ll still have to life a false life and usually…witnesses are taken far away so they don’t have contact with any of their family or friends.”

Jaejoong bit his lower lip. He didn’t like the thought of having to be separated from Xiah. “We could…change our identities with him and go wherever he’s sent to.”

Yunho placed a light kiss on the blond man’s soft lips. “Good idea. Once we bring Park to justice, we’ll leave Seoul and start anew. Xiah can get away from all the bad memories here and we’ll be with him throughout.”

Jaejoong smiled, “Then you better hurry and find Park.”

“It’s difficult. I can’t even go around asking people to look at a picture anymore.”

Jaejoong blinked. “What? You don’t have his picture?”

“I only had that one copy and the last time I remember seeing it was when I showed it to Xiah in the hospital.”

“So…does Xiah still have it?”

Yunho tried to think. “Why would he? He’s not allowed to go out searching for Park.”

=====

The next day, Bae was making his annual visit to one of the secret warehouses on the outskirts of town. Inside the warehouse was a club that only druggies and mafia members knew about. The music was loud and the place stunk of smoke.

Yoochun was sitting in the corner sipping wine when Bae entered. “Enjoying your wine?”

“Celebrating yesterday’s successful trade,” Yoochun drawled. “Money is always something worth celebrating for.”

Bae didn’t trust him, Yoochun knew. And Bae may never trust Yoochun again. But that didn’t mean he didn’t believe in Yoochun’s greed for the materialistic things in life.

Bae scoffed and turned to walk towards his office. Geun Suk and Kangin followed closely behind. The music suddenly stopped and the DJ shouted, “The police are here! Run!”

Bae’s eyes widened in anger and he glared at Yoochun (easily suspecting). Yoochun pretended to not see the glare and prepared to run. As he ran, he pushed Bae along. “Run!”

Bae ignored his suspicion and started to run, being pushed because of the sea of people trying to escape through the back door. Geun Suk and Kangin made way for Bae, pushing and shoving anyone who blocked them. While they were in the front, Yoochun was in the back pushing Bae forward.

They escaped in time through a compartment that no one else knew about. By the time they were out and hiding in the bushes, the four were sweating and breathless from the running.

“Don’t think saving me will make me trust you,” Bae quipped. “If I find out that you led the police here, I will kill you.”

Yoochun wasn’t afraid to meet him eye to eye. “I didn’t save you. I saved myself. I want the easy money and if you get jailed, I’ll lose that source of income.”

Bae scoffed. “They could have caught me in there and they wouldn’t be able to put me in jail.”

“Better to avoid it. Those assholes are a pain to deal with,” Yoochun reasoned. “I guess you three will be waiting for your ride. I’m off.”

Yoochun walked away into the darkness and they had to wonder how he’d get back home. This club was built far from the city and in the ten years that it had been in business, not a single police officer has showed up to close it down. Someone had to have led them here.

“Do you think he leaked the information?” Kangin spoke.

Bae was silent as he watched Yoochun’s disappearing back.

=====

The next morning…

“I found out who leaked the address to the police,” Geun Suk reported as soon as he walked into the private office.

Kangin eyed Geun Suk and took a guess, “It wasn’t Park?”

“It was Hwang.”

“The one who provided us with the cocaine?”

“The same one who plays ‘common point’ between the five sects who were taken down,” the tall man added.

Bae slammed his fist on the mahogany desk. “Gather men! I want that bastard begging at my feet before I kill him for costing me millions!”

The invasion at the warehouse had caused many arrests of Bae’s followers as well as the confiscation of millions of dollars in drugs. It also caused a flaw in his reputation as the most successful mafia leader. He wouldn’t forgive anyone who mingled with his money and power.

Chapter 29

The events on the television screen reflected in Yoochun’s eyes. He listened to every word that the reporter said.

It was reporting that a business name by the surname ‘Hwang’ was found dead in his mansion. The mansion had been burnt and Hwang’s charcoal body was found in his office. People are predicting suicide due to the failing of his business and inability to face bankruptcy. Yoochun wondered how long it would take for police to find out that this business man made most of his money by providing cocaine and meth to the mafia.

And then there would be things that the police would never find out: such as the fact that Bae had killed Hwang for betraying him and the fire was just used to cover scars of torture that Bae had inflicted on the man.

And they would never know that Yoochun had set it all up. It was true that Hwang had told the police about Bae’s club…but only because Hwang thought that Bae had betrayed him.

Hwang had been losing business ever since people found the connection between him and the five gangs that had fallen. Then he’d finally found the listening device attached to a certain suitcase of money that he kept in his private office. It took longer than Yoochun had favored, but better late than never.

Yoochun had put the listening device on the suitcase that night, about two months ago, when they made that trade with Hwang; when Hwang’s assistant had provided Yoochun with the lighter for his cigarette.

Next would be Bae’s second most profitable partner: Song. Song provided Bae with weapons. Once news about Hwang gets out, Song will surely check everything that he’s ever accepted from Bae. Then he’d find the listening device that came with the second package Yoochun had told the little girl to give to Cho Kyuhyun.

Sacrifices need to happen. At least, now, the bad people were being sacrificed for the sake of the good.

=====

“There you are!”

Geun Suk swung the arm away and was ready to attack the person. Then he realized who it was. “Changmin?”

“Why haven’t you been calling me? It took me this long just to find you in privacy,” Changmin demanded. Then he glanced at their quiet surrounding. “Should I know why you’re out here at this time of the night?”

This field was a difficult place to find. Even if someone followed Geun Suk, they would get lost immediately…unless the person was Changmin and knew his way around this hidden location. Changmin had followed Geun Suk, but was surprised that he even knew about this place. Because only one other person who about this place (besides Changmin). That person is…

“You’re too good at finding people,” a voice interrupted them.

Changmin’s eyes widened. “Yoochun!”

Geun Suk had to raise an eyebrow at how familiar Changmin was with the fake name. Geun Suk was still calling him ‘Micky’.

“Why are you here? Where’d you leave Kibum?” Yoochun demanded.

“Kibum is safe, don’t worry. I’ve been trying to track Geun Suk down because I wanted information. I wanted to know what was going on with all the police raids and I was hoping I could somehow use it to my advantage,” Changmin explained.

“I know what you’re thinking. There’s no need. I’m already doing it. Things will end soon and no one will have to hide anymore.”

Changmin’s brows furrowed. “That’s what you’ve been up to in the past months? Without me?”

“Kibum needed you…and he’ll always need you by his side. I would appreciate it if you’d continue to stay out.”

Changmin stared at Yoochun and then at Geun Suk. It dawned on him. “Geun Suk was the one who put the note in front of Jung Yunho’s door.”

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Geun Suk has been keeping me clear. Bae won’t suspect me,” Changmin explained. Geun Suk owed Changmin his life and even though he was one of Bae’s favored men, he still agreed to help Changmin.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to drag you along and I don’t want to cause any problems for Geun Suk either. He’s a good kid,” Yoochun recalled.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Changmin mentally slapped himself. From Yoochun’s tone, he should have been able to tell that Yoochun was well acquainted with Geun Suk.

“I contacted Geun Suk that day after Kibum found out the truth. We talked and I found out that Bae had people watching us. It was another reason for me to send Junsu back to Jung.”

“So you can go back to Bae?”

Yoochun nodded. “I never told you, but I have the microchip. It was in a necklace that Junho had given his brother.”

“Why didn’t you just give the microchip to the police then?” Changmin demanded.

“Stupid question, Changmin,” Geun Suk drawled. Changmin glared at him.

Then he thought about the question and came up with his own answers, “Because the microchip would only put Bae in jail and he could easily hire someone to bail him out. His twisted lawyers might even be able to find someone to take his place in jail. If that happens, Bae will want revenge…and he’ll kill us all.”

“The only way to prevent Bae from causing anymore harm…” Yoochun began.

“Is to kill him! You’re plotting to kill him!” Changmin exclaimed with wide eyes. It was a good thing they were in a private area. Yoochun could see that a lot of Kibum’s personality had rubbed off on Changmin. That made him want to smile.

“I want to free everyone from Bae. It’s not just for Junsu; it’s for you, for Kibum, even for Jung and his boyfriend. There are people in the gang who just want a normal life, but it’s not possible if Bae’s empire isn’t taken down.”

Changmin followed Yoochun’s eyes and found himself staring into Geun Suk’s sad eyes. “Geun Suk is one of them.”

“There’s a girl I love. Her name is Shin Hye. But…it’s not possible for me to pull out of the mafia and as long as I’m a part of it, she’ll be in danger. You understand, don’t you?”

Changmin thought of Kibum. He still hadn’t confessed to Kibum, worried that his past would catch up to him and cause harm to the one he loved. “Yes, I understand.”

“Then leave,” Yoochun ordered.

“I can’t just let you two do this on your own,” Changmin protested.

“For Kibum, you can’t. Geun Suk won’t either. He’ll be far away with Shin Hye when the day comes. I’m going into this alone and I’m going to win,” Yoochun paused. “Now leave so Geun Suk and I can discuss further details. I want to take Bae down as soon as possible. The perfect timing is in the next week. We can’t lose this opportunity.”

Changmin lowered his head. He clamped his mouth shut so that he wouldn’t say, ‘I have Kibum. Geun Suk has Shin Hye. What about you and Junsu?’

=====

Xiah shot up from the bed, drenched from sweat. Just a dream. A nightmare. Just a nightmare.

His eyes traveled to the other side of the room where the luggage and the stuff animal had been abandoned. He glanced at the closed door of his room and then the clock. Yunho and Jaejoong were most likely asleep right now.

So Xiah had the courage to step off the bed. He retrieved Mr. Bunny and returned to his bed.

Hugging the stuffed animal close to his heart, he managed to find sleep again.

=====

“Geun Suk, why did you call me out at this time? What’s wrong?”

“There’s something…I don’t know if Micky has told you…”

Changmin couldn’t quite see the other man’s expression in the darkness. “What is it?”

“I found this out from Kangin…since he’d been around at that time and I was out of town on a job,” Geun Suk paused. “Do you remember Kim Bomi?”

“Bae’s wife. She was found cheating on him and he…tortured her to death,” Changmin recalled.

Geun Suk spoke slowly, glad that this topic had captured Changmin’s attention. He was sorry for doing this, but he promised Micky that he would. “Bomi was cheating on Bae…with Junho.”

Changmin’s eyes widened. He had been on a job when this happened too so he didn’t know details. It didn’t help that Bae had tried to keep it a secret too.

“That means…”

“Junho stole the microchip and wanted to use it to blackmail Bae…not for money, but for him to let Bomi go. They were in love. They wanted to run away together, but…it couldn’t happen,” Geun Suk sighed, suddenly feeling thankful to have Shin Hye in his life. “And she wasn’t exactly tortured to death. Micky killed her.”

Changmin’s brows furrowed. “Why?”

“Death can be better than Pain. Bae doesn’t just torture people physically, but mentally as well.”

And the same theory applied to Kim Junho. After the night that Micky had killed Junho, there were murmurs going around about what Micky had said to Junho. He’d pulled Junho close and murmured some words that no one else could hear. People made guesses on what Micky had said, but no one really knew.

Could it be that he was informing Junho of Bomi’s death?

Then Changmin recalled the last time, nearly one week ago, when they had met in this isolated field.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Now leave so Geun Suk and I can discuss further details. I want to take Bae down as soon as possible. The perfect timing is in the next week. We can’t lose this opportunity.”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Changmin’s eyes widened in realization and Geun Suk’s head lowered, unable to meet his eyes. “He’s doing it tonight, isn’t he? And he sent you here to distract me!”

“He knows you won’t listen! I’m sorry.”

He’d been following the news in the past week. The police were closing in on the mafia, and two of the most powerful mafia leaders were at war with each other. Then the police had not attacked in three days, probably to cause restlessness or give false hope.

Then the nine o’clock news had reported on the biggest ambush of the century. Changmin knew it wasn’t over so he apologized for not being able to eat a late dinner with Kibum and went out to find Yoochun. He couldn’t find Yoochun, but Geun Suk called him. Now he knew why.

Changmin broke into a run. He ran and ran and tried to think of all the possible places Yoochun could be, places Yoochun would find Bae to be. He ran and ran and hoped that he could make it in time to help.

Chapter 30

No more guns. The police had taken it all from the headquarter and had ambushed all other possible locations right afterwards. They wasted no time because they already knew where all the illegal weapons were located. And because Bae had been at war with Song (another powerful mafia boss) this week, his defense had been weak. It was the perfect chance.

“You were the mole,” Bae spoke angrily.

Yoochun didn’t flinch. Yes, he had informed the police of Bae’s secret hideouts and hidden storage rooms. The police took all illegal weapons and captured more than 2/3 of Bae’s men. Geun Suk and Boa had escaped in time. Even Kangin had abandoned Bae.

Only twenty men stood before him now, weaponless except for the anger in their hearts. But Yoochun’s eyes were only on the man who stood the farthest, protected.

Head high, eyes sharp, Yoochun easily removed his jacket. Still eyeing Bae, he used his left hand to wrap the thin jacket around his right hand, securing the hold on the long knife that he was holding.

The men charged at him and Yoochun slashed one after another. Kicks met stomachs, punches met faces. The blade drew blood and took lives.

His body met with the kicks and punches of his attackers, but he ignored the pain. He had to.

Only two were standing now, in his way before he could reach Bae. They charged, throwing kicks and punches like professionals. They dodged two of Yoochun’s attacks before one of them surrendered to his own death under the sharp weapon.

One left and Bae was still standing calmly in the same spot.

Yoochun took his eyes away from Bae to meet his last obstacle’s eyes. Red veins of hatred, the glow of confidence. Yoochun was breathing hard and parts of his body ached.

The last man attacked him and Yoochun managed to dodge the first two punches. One kick to the stomach sent him onto his knees, but he quickly recovered. Forcing himself to focus, he ran towards the man at full speed, ducking his head to avoid a punch and extended his right arm to ram the end of the knife into the other man’s stomach.

Yoochun pushed the knife in deeper, his face only inches away from the other man’s wide, blank eyes. He easily unwrapped the thin jacket from around his right hand. The knife and jacket were left to fall onto the cold ground with the corpse.

Yoochun had his eyes on Bae.

Bae didn’t look the least bit frightened. After all, he was the one with the gun in his hand. “You’ve had all your fun with these useless idiots. Now it’s my turn.”

Yoochun stared at the gun and recognized it immediately.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“This was my first gun. I was sixteen at the time. Most people were surprised that I could make it to my position as the leader in less than three years. Do you know how I did it?”

“No, sir,” Yoochun replied in a stringent tone, his eyes emotionless.

“Because I blackmailed and later killed the original leader…with this gun. It’s my trophy. I had two bullets in here that day. Now, and forever, there will only be one bullet left to remind me that I only needed one bullet to take his life.”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“I only need one,” Bae reminded as he took aim, targeting Yoochun’s heart.

Yoochun stepped forward, one step after another; closer to gun point, narrowing down Bae’s accuracy.

“You only have one,” Yoochun whispered in a cold voice. In Bae’s eyes, Yoochun saw betrayal and hatred…and that was all he needed. That’s all it will take to blind Bae, to hinder his aim.

Yoochun knew Bae too well. He was playing with Yoochun’s mind, allowing/daring Yoochun to walk closer and then he would shoot. Yoochun didn’t care.

When he was close enough and he saw Bae’s index finger move on the trigger, he broke into a run. He charged the older man and jumped to tackle him.

The trigger was pulled. The bullet was released. Yoochun ignored the pain and retrieved his hidden dagger. Taking advantage of his shocked enemy’s tackled stage, Yoochun rammed the dagger into the heartless man‘s chest.

Bae pushed Yoochun off (hissing when the dagger was pulled out of his chest) and aimed a punch at Yoochun’s wounded stomach. Yoochun barely dodged the attack and swung his arm. The dagger’s keen teeth came in contact with Bae’s throat, ending the battle.

Yoochun sat there in the darkness. He was breathing hard and every breath hurt. Sweat trickled down his dirty skin, leaving invisible trails. One hand was on his stomach while the other hand pressed onto the ground, helping Yoochun stand up. He dragged himself through the pool of corpses, locating his jacket and wiping away his fingerprints with the sleeves.

He swallowed and realized the dryness of his throat. One arm held horizontally and pressed against his stomach, jacket hanging over it, was enough to cover his gun wound.

Without looking back, Yoochun left.

=====

Xiah was bringing the pots of flowers he had out for display back into the shop. Business wasn’t too good today. Hopefully it’ll get better tomorrow. His employer, Seul Gi, was on a mini vacation in Canada so Xiah was in charge for this week.

He was down to his last pot when he saw the shadow. Xiah turned around to see the man of his dreams, perhaps his worst nightmare, standing a few feet (too far) from the shop.

Xiah knew he should be turning away, to continue his work so that he can close up and go home to sleep. He hasn’t been sleeping well since…since whenever. But he didn’t turn away. He kept staring at the man who just stood there, looking beautiful under the moonlight. Nearly three and a half months without seeing him (except in dreams), yet Xiah’s heart still thumped rapidly at his presence.

Yoochun looked as handsome and beautiful as Xiah remembered. But something was different tonight. He looked so tired and his hair looked like he’d taken two seconds to put it into place. He wore black from neck to toe. One arm was bent so that his forearm was horizontal against his stomach; on that forearm hung a black jacket.

Xiah wanted so much to continue staring at those tired (but loving) eyes and those pale lips. But he forced himself to look away. He picked up the last pot and started to walk into the shop.

“Junsu…” came the dry, hoarse voice.

Xiah stopped moving, his head low and his back towards Yoochun. “That’s not my name.”

“Xiah,” Yoochun corrected.

“Yunho will be here any minute to pick me up. He’ll arrest you,” Xiah spoke. Was it a warning or a threat?

Yoochun didn’t seem to care. “May I…ask for a promise?”

Xiah gripped tightly onto the pot, trying to gain self-control. In a cold voice, he retorted, “You don’t have the right.”

“Then…can I ask a question?”

Xiah kept telling himself not to turn around, not to turn around. But he still said, “What?”

Silence for a second too long before Yoochun finally said, “Are you happy?”

There was something strange about Yoochun’s voice, his breathing. It was as if he was straining to talk. But Xiah couldn’t…wouldn’t allow himself to turn around to observe. His back still towards Yoochun, he replied, “Yes. Very.”

“That’s good,” Yoochun murmured and Xiah could almost picture Yoochun’s genuine smile. “Good night, Jun…Good night, Xiah. I’ll see you…later.”

Xiah ran into the shop and closed the door behind him. He placed the pot down and tried to look busy, shuffling flowers into places that they shouldn’t be. But he didn’t dare turn around.

Was Yoochun gone?

Yoochun.

Yoochun, Yoochun, Yoochun.

So long. It’s been so long. Months. Too long. So long. Yet the feeling was still so strong!

Xiah lost the strength to move. He grabbed onto the edge of a table and slowly fell towards the ground. He wrapped his arms around himself and allowed a sob to escape his lips. He covered his face to muffle the second sob.

He thought he’d forgotten. He thought he was over it. He thought the feeling was gone. But seeing Yoochun, in person again, was bringing everything back…in ten folds: the Pain and the Love.

And it never crossed Xiah’s mind that he should be informing Yunho of Yoochun’s presence so that Yunho can arrest him.

=====

Yoochun watched Junsu run into the shop. Did he want to get away from Yoochun that badly?

Yoochun turned around and started to walk away, slowly because he could barely feel his own legs. After nineteen steps, he couldn’t take it anymore. His clothes were soaked with blood and Yoochun couldn’t be more thankful for the dark color.

Unable to take the twentieth step, Yoochun began to fall forward. He could no longer hold his arm in place and the jacket slid onto the ground.

“Yoochun!”

Yoochun had no idea where Changmin came from, but was thankful when the younger man caught him. “Changmin?”

“I knew you’d be here! You’re wounded! Why aren’t you at the hospital?” He’d given up on trying finding where Yoochun would meet Bae. But he had a guess that Yoochun would be coming to Junsu tonight.

Yoochun leaned onto Changmin for supported. “I won’t make it. I know I won’t. But I wanted to see him…one last time.”

“No! You’ll make it! I’m going to take you to the hospital right now! I don’t care if they ask questions or call the police. Jail is better than death! I won’t lose you, you hear me?” Changmin shifted so he could carry Yoochun on his back.

Yoochun refused, his hands gripping tightly onto Changmin’s shoulders. “Changmin, is…is Junsu looking? Can he see us right now?”

They were far from the shop, but not out of view. Junsu could still see them…if he looked.

Changmin looked over Yoochun’s head and saw Junsu slowly fall onto the floor of the shop, wrapping his arms around himself. “He doesn’t see us, but he’s…”

“Good,” Yoochun interrupted.

“Yoochun, I think he’s cr…”

“Take me away. I don’t want to let him see me like this.”

“I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“It’s too late, Changmin. It’s too late,” Yoochun tried to breathe. His whole body was numb and he couldn’t even grip onto Changmin’s shoulders anymore.

Changmin refused to listen. He slipped an arm under Yoochun’s knees and picked the older man up. “Don’t say anything. You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

“Changmin, I…I have a favor…”

“I don’t care!” Changmin ran as fast as his long legs could carry them, and yet it didn’t seem fast enough.

Yoochun’s face was hidden in the crook of Changmin’s neck as he continued to mumble his last wish to his best friend.

“Promise me, Changmin. I’ve always wanted to do this, but…never had the chance…promise me…”

Changmin didn’t say a word as he listened to Yoochun’s request. He ran into the hospital and drew attention from every single person. The nurses and doctors quickly took Yoochun into the E.R. while one nurse asked Changmin if he needed to see a doctor.

Changmin shook his head, “No, but please, save my friend, please.”

“We’ll try our best.”

The professionals got to work and Changmin fell back onto a chair, his whole body limp. Fear made him weak.

He took his cell phone out of his pocket and stared at it for a moment. Then he dialed a number.

“Moshi moshi?”

“Kibum…” Changmin choked on a sob.

“Changmin? Changmin, what’s wrong? Why do you sound like that?”

“Kibum…”

“Where are you? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Oh, God, please be safe! I haven’t told you that I love you yet!” Kibum rambled over the phone.

Changmin couldn’t think of a more romantic confession. But the timing was wrong. “I’m fine. I just…I…I’m going to be home late and…I love you too.”

Chapter 31

Three days, four days, five. How many days is ‘later’? What did Yoochun mean when he said that he would see Xiah again…‘later‘?

Tired and depressed, Xiah settled behind the desk and eyed the flowers that surrounded him. The rainbow combination of petals didn’t look at all beautiful.

He folded his arms on the desk and rested his head on his arms. His eyes began to close…

“Excuse me?”

Xiah opened his eyes and stood up from the seat, so fast that the chair fell backwards. Did he fall asleep?

“I’m sorry, how can I…?” he stopped talking when he realized who his customer was. Not allowing himself to memorize every part of Yoochun’s handsome features, Xiah looked away. “What do you want?”

Xiah was definitely angry at Yoochun, but what’s the real reason behind the anger at this moment?

“I want to buy a flower that represents love,” Yoochun spoke softly and Xiah was thankful that he wasn’t staring.

A customer was a customer. Yoochun is a customer. So Xiah walked over to the section of roses. “How many do you want to purchase?”

“One for today,” Yoochun replied.

Xiah could feel Yoochun’s eyes on his back. It was making him uncomfortable so he moved quick, wrapping the crimson red rose with a clear sheen of plastic. He named the price and handed Yoochun the item, not meeting the older man’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Yoochun paid and Xiah was careful not to touch his hand when taking the money.

Before Xiah could hand him the change, Yoochun had grabbed the rose and walked out of the flower shop.

He didn’t get his 1 won in change. Xiah was curious about who Yoochun had bought the rose for, but that wasn’t the reason why Xiah followed Yoochun out. Xiah followed Yoochun out because…he needed to give Yoochun the extra money.

Xiah couldn’t get very far. He stood right outside the shop, watching Yoochun cross the street and standing on the opposite sidewalk.

Yell his name. Yell his name. Call for him. Tell him to come back…

…for…for the money.

Xiah opened his mouth to shout the name that he missed so much, but lost his voice when a young girl ran towards Yoochun. She was grinning at Yoochun, who was smiling in return. He said something and she laughed. She nodded and he grinned. Yoochun handed her the crimson rose, the symbol of love.

Xiah turned away immediately, unable to continue watching.

Go in. Go in. Back into the store. Close the door. Protect yourself.

Xiah turned to walk back into the shop, only to have a small hand grasp onto his arm, stopping him from entering the shop.

“Excuse me, sir.”

Xiah turned his head to see that it was the girl Yoochun had been flirting with. She was still holding the red rose and Xiah tried (so hard) not to hate her.

“Can I help you?” he managed to speak in a calm (but not friendly) voice.

“Someone told me to give this to you. Told me to tell you that it’s from someone who loves you,” she smiled sweetly while sticking the rose in Xiah’s face.

Xiah blinked, confused. “What? Why?”

“My work is accomplished. Bye!”

She skipped off while Xiah was staring at the rose in his hand. Then raised his head to search for Yoochun, wanting to find Yoochun.

Yoochun was gone…

Gone…

“Xiah!”

Xiah jumped and felt himself falling off a chair. He felt a slight pain on his rear and looked up to see Yunho and Jaejoong staring down at him. He looked around and saw that he was still in his flower shop, behind his desk.

Where was the crimson rose that Yoochun had bought? Where was Yoochun?

“Xiah, are you okay?” Yunho inquired, concerned.

“I…what happened?” Xiah couldn’t understand.

“You fell asleep. Someone could have walked in and robbed you,” Yunho said.

“Yunho, it’s a floral shop,” Jaejoong pointed out with sarcasm.

“I’ll work on my sarcasm,” Yunho said lightly before turning back to the quiet Xiah. “Xiah, are you feeling okay?”

Xiah blinked. The rose, Yoochun, the girl: was it all a dream? It was just a dream!

Dreams had become even more common after seeing Yoochun again that night.

“Xiah?” Jaejoong tried.

Xiah blinked again, nodding frantically. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. I’m fine. Just…tired.”

Just wishing that reality was the dream….

“Xiah, we have something to tell you,” Yunho captured his attention again.

“Hmm?”

“Bae is dead and his whole gang has dispersed. Some were captured and some escaped,” the tallest man informed. It didn’t pass his eyes when Xiah’s hands turned into fists. He analyzed the younger man carefully as he finished, “Park escaped.”

Xiah didn’t realize he was being obvious when he released the tension on his hand, allowing his fingers to stretch out of the fist. His expression remained blank. “We…won’t have to hide anymore, right?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Yunho spoke. “Now I can openly find Park without having to worry about Bae’s men. And I can start by tracking down his best friend.”

=====

Meanwhile, that same morning…

Kibum glanced at the clock and it flashed ’10:31.’ He was fidgeting with the corner of the pillow and still wondering where in the world Changmin was. He said he’d be ‘home late,’ but he didn’t even come home at all last night! Now the sun is up and noon isn’t too far away. Where is he? Kibum misses Changmin.

The door clicked open and Kibum prepared himself to yell until he lost his voice (and then kiss Changmin silly right afterwards).

Except all senses of humor evaporated when Kibum saw Changmin walk in, his shirt covered in blood and his face pale. His hands and arms had been washed, but there were still traces of dried blood. Where did he go last night? Another job? Another murder? Didn’t he stop? He never promised Kibum he would stop. They never talked about his association with the mafia or his past. But…but Kibum would assume that…he would stop.

His fist clenched and he glared at the slouching man at the door. “I can’t believe this! You went back? You went back to your past and committed another…another job? For what? For money? You can’t just find another job?”

Changmin’s head was low as he remained rooted to the floor. “Kibum…”

“I can’t do this! I can’t! I’m in love with you! Of all people, I had to fall in love with you! But I can’t do this! I don’t want to be with someone who kills people for a living!” he hissed in a lower voice. “It’s dangerous and it’s wrong! I don’t care if we have to eat dirt to stay alive or if we starve to death! I don’t want you going back to that lifestyle!”

At least he was talking about eating dirt with Changmin instead of leaving without Changmin.

Kibum has changed. If he was still the hopeless romantic from the past, he would have confessed to Changmin long ago and they would have been a couple for the past months. But Kibum had changed. He’d taken things into consideration and in a way, he’d become afraid of Love. Maybe he was still feeling guilty, blaming himself for what happened to Yoochun and Junsu. Maybe he was afraid of dating someone with such a dark past. But at least he did love Changmin.

“Kibum…”

“It’s dangerous! For the both of us! I could be killed! You could be killed! Killing you is like killing me! All because I had to go and fall in love with you! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”

“I’m…”

“Shut up! I’m not done!” Kibum took long steps and was soon standing right in front of Changmin, forcing him to back up against the door. As the shorter man spoke, tears formed in his eyes. “You listen to me, with both ears and heart! You’re going to stop! Because I can’t imagine what I would do if you died! You’re not allowed to die…”

Changmin shut him up with a kiss and to Hell if Kibum cared that his favorite pajamas were rubbing against dried blood stains. He hugged the taller man tightly and never wanted to let go.

Face buried against Changmin’s neck, he spoke in a much softer tone, “Please don’t go back. I don’t care if we have to run and hide forever.”

“We won’t have to run anymore.”

Kibum pulled away just enough to look up at Changmin. Those were words that he wanted to hear, but at what consequence. “Why?”

“Bae is dead.”

Kibum blinked and Changmin wondered if he would pull away from the embrace. Love is Love, but Murder is also Murder. “Did you…?”

“No, I didn’t kill him,” Changmin paused. “Yoochun did.”

Kibum’s eyes widened. “You saw Yoochun? Where is he? How is he?”

Changmin’s arms tightened around Kibum. He brushed at a trail of tear on his smooth cheek. How would he react?

“Yoochun is…”

Kibum waited silently for Changmin to continue, but saw how hard it was. He laid his head on the tall man’s shoulder, “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. If Yoochun doesn’t want anyone else to know, then I won’t make you break your promise to him. I’m just glad to have you back.”

Changmin wished he had the strength to smile. But he couldn’t. “Thank you.”

=====

Hi Everyone!

I'm extremely, extremely SORRY for making anyone worry and even more SORRY for being so late with the updates! School started a couple weeks ago and I needed to pick up more hours for my jobs.

I'm SORRY for not being able to reply to all the lovely messages that you guys left. It generally takes a long time for me to post/link these chapters and at this point, I can't afford to take out another hour from my sleep time. SORRY!

Thank you to everyone for leaving some Love with those comments. It's always nice to know what you guys are thinking as you read.

I hope everyone is healthy and well. Take good care of yourselves!

Love,

Micah

P.S. This isn't the end. There are a couple more chapters left.

P.S.S. I've recently been lucky enough to be selected for a chance to be featured in TVXQWorld Magazine's February Issue. Please visit ONETVXQ Forums [www.onetvxq.com] to check it out (when it comes out in February), along with Magazines that have been done in the past. These creators are really talented and they do a really good job with it.

THANK YOU AGAIN!

Chapter 32

It’s been a little more than two weeks since he last saw Yoochun.

Xiah looked down at the postcards in his hands. There was no return address or even a name on them, but one had arrived each day since the beginning of this week. There was, however, a bunny drawn on the corner of every card…and that was all it took to inform him of the sender’s identity.

Xiah was glad that he was responsible for getting mail every day. But although he took in those postcards and placed them in his drawer, he never read them. Until today…

He looked at the picture on the back of the first postcard. It was graced with mixtures of red, yellow, orange, and pink. Half of the sun was visible along the colorful horizon, bringing light to the sky above it, rising to meet another day.

Taking in a breath of courage, Xiah flipped it over to read.

[Xiah, how are you? The weather is good today; Sunny, just the way you like it. Remember to put on Sunscreen though. Take care.]

Xiah traced the handwritten words with the tip of his finger. So this is what Yoochun’s handwriting is like. It was neat and clear, so carefully written. The topic was so neutral, so random; yet it almost made Xiah smile (almost).

The second postcard had a beautiful picture of the starry sky; a little blue, but mostly black contrasting the white of the stars.

[Xiah, did you smile today? I smiled when the weatherman said that there will be a clear sky tonight. I know you don’t really like the darkness. Just concentrate on the stars; they’ll light your smile. Always smile.]

Xiah saw the small dent on the corner of this card and quickly smoothed it out. How did that dent get there? Xiah didn’t want it there.

The third postcard had a picture of colorful balloons floating in the blue sky; five balloons, different colors, differently favored, yet coming together to form a beautiful picture.

[Xiah, remember that time at the amusement park when you stole all the balloons from the clown and set them free in the air? You always said that balloons should be free and not trapped with a string in the hands. Do you still believe that?]

‘Do you still believe that?’

‘Are you still the same?’

That’s what Yoochun was asking. Xiah could just feeling. ‘Are you still the same?’

No, Xiah wasn’t the same person. But…he still had the same heart.

The fourth card was another one with the sun. But in this one, the sun wasn’t rising. It was setting.

[Xiah, don’t you think this picture is just breathtaking? The photographer did such a great job and was lucky to have come across this rare scene. The purple color along the horizon makes this picture beautiful. I hope you’ll like this picture enough to post it somewhere around your home.]

The hidden message: ‘I hope the pictures will attract you enough so that you will read my messages.’

Xiah knew that it wasn’t the pictures that made him (want to) read these postcards.

The fourth postcard had a picture of a puppy and a kitten, sitting side by side in the fresh green grass under a shining sun. The kitten had its head slightly leaned towards the puppy. They were friends like they were not supposed to be; they were not enemies that they were supposed to be.

[Xiah, it’s going to start getting cold again. It might even be raining for three days straight in the next week. I hope the sunshine in this picture will help you through the darkness of the raining sky.]

Remembering Yoochun didn’t allow Xiah to rise above the darkness of his days, but remembering Yoochun didn’t necessarily cause Xiah to drown in darkness either.

Rain or sun. Dark or light. It just didn’t seem to matter anymore.

Xiah sighed and stared at the postcards again. He recalled that night when Yoochun came to the floral shop.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Are you happy?”

There was something strange about Yoochun’s voice, his breathing. It was as if he was straining to talk. But Xiah couldn’t…wouldn’t allow himself to turn around to observe. His back still towards Yoochun, he replied, “Yes. Very.”

“That’s good,” Yoochun murmured and Xiah could almost picture Yoochun’s genuine smile. “Good night, Jun…Good night, Xiah. I’ll see you…later.”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Xiah closed his eyes because he didn’t want to cry.

‘Junsu’.

He missed that name. No, Seul Gi calls him that every day. He didn’t miss the name; he missed hearing Yoochun call him ‘Junsu.’ He missed being Yoochun’s ‘Junsu’.

Traitor.

He killed your brother. Park Yoochun…no, it’s not even his real name, his real name is Micky Park. He lied to you one time after another. He killed your brother, taking away your last family member. Your good friend is on a mission to arrest him, to avenge your brother. But what has Xiah been doing? Keeping secrets, helping the enemy.

Xiah threw the postcards onto the carpet and buried his face in his palms. Remember, remember the truth. Remember all the lies, the betrayal, the bad stuff. Only the bad stuff.

He was only allowed to concentrate on the bad stuff, to force himself to hate Yoochun. Forcing himself to hate Yoochun was a hell lot easier than forcing himself to forget Yoochun…or so he thought.

=====

“Changmin!”

Changmin nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice and felt the hand on his shoulder. “Kibum, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“Sorry, but you seemed out of it. You didn’t even notice when I walked up behind you,” Kibum explained.

Changmin saw the concern in the shorter man’s eyes and immediately felt bad. “I’m sorry. I…haven’t been sleeping well.”

Kibum raised his hand to touch the area under Changmin’s eyes. “I can see that. What are you doing here anyway?”

“Just…buying stuff. I’m going to go pay for them now. Are you buying anything?”

“No, I came in here because I saw you walk in,” Kibum paused. “Want to go to the movies?”

“Sure, you wait for me outside. I’m going to go pay.”

Kibum stood there, watching Changmin walk towards the cashier counter…holding nothing, but a stack of postcards.

=====

“Changmin, is something wrong?” Kibum laid a comforting hand on the taller man’s shoulder.

Changmin turned around to pull Kibum into an embrace. He rested his chin on the shorter man’s shoulder for support. “No, why do you ask?”

“You just look so sad…staring into space like that,” Kibum pointed out. Then he moved to pull Changmin five steps forward. “Come on, the line is moving.”

They were in line to buy tickets for a movie. “I’m okay, just…missing Yoochun.”

Kibum smiled warmly, “I understand.”

Changmin caught the contagious smile and raised his hand to brush an eyelash from Kibum’s cheek. “Thank you.”

“Why would you be missing Yoochun?” a voice interrupted their moment.

Changmin sighed in frustration and turned his head to see the most annoying person in the world. “Why wouldn’t I be missing Yoochun?” he retorted.

Yunho looked casual; hands in his jacket pockets and smiling like a friend. “Well, if you miss him then why don’t you go visit him?”

Jaejoong’s eyes were on Changmin, curious and wanting answers…or really, he just wanted one answer.

“For the millionth time in the past weeks, I don’t know where Yoochun is,” Changmin ran a hand through his hair. After Bae’s death and they no longer needed to hide, he and Kibum had moved back into the city. Kibum liked the city and was happy to be back, Changmin liked seeing Kibum happy.

The only bad side was that it was easier for Jung Yunho to find them.

Yunho had been bugging him for the past month…because he was that desperate to catch Yoochun and put him in jail. Without Bae to shelter Yoochun, Jung was sure that it would be easier for him to find Yoochun. But that’s because he didn’t know that Yoochun was the one who killed Bae. Changmin wasn’t allowed to tell.

It was Changmin’s luck that Yunho wasn’t trying to dig up Changmin’s past and put him in jail too (not that he would find any evidence; Changmin was always a careful person).

“You know. You just wouldn’t tell me,” Yunho shrugged casually. “So what movie are you two watching? Any recommendations?”

“I recommend all the movies except for the one we’re watching,” Changmin retorted.

“You can’t hide him forever, Shim,” Yunho was getting impatient.

“Do you know where Yoochun is?” Jaejoong inquired in a more sincere voice, looking at Changmin and then at Kibum.

Kibum shook his head ‘no’. Changmin lied, “No.”

They finally reached the front of the line. Changmin quickly bought the tickets and pulled Kibum into the theatre. Yunho and Jaejoong stood outside, watching the couple disappear into the dark room.

=====

“No one is going to buy flowers from a depressed florist.”

Xiah quickly shoved all the postcards into the drawer of his desk and stood up to greet the visitors. “Hi, guys.”

Yunho and Jaejoong exchanged glances. “What are those?”

“Pen-pal postcards,” Xiah lied and immediately felt bad.

“Did you eat yet? Want to have lunch?”

“Yeah, sure. Let me go tell Seul Gi.”

The youngest man walked into the back room to talk to his employer. Yunho and Jaejoong waited patiently.

“There’s a new restaurant down the street. I heard it’s really good,” Jaejoong explained as they exited the flower shop.

“Great, I’m actually really hungry,” Xiah smiled.

They reached the restaurant shortly after. Yunho and Jaejoong picked a specific table near the corner. Xiah froze when he saw who was sitting in the table next to theirs.

“Changmin…” Xiah murmured. It’d been so long since he saw Changmin.

Chapter 33

“Jun…Xiah,” Changmin greeted. He glared at Yunho and Jaejoong. Those bastards had not let Xiah know that they had been badgering Changmin for months about Yoochun’s whereabouts. But after one month they were so desperate that they were going to use Xiah?

Not knowing what else to say, the three sat down at their own table. Xiah was in the chair that allowed him to see Changmin; Yunho sat to his right; Jaejoong sat next to Yunho (his back towards Changmin).

“What do you want to eat?” Yunho acted like the atmosphere wasn’t suffocating everyone.

Xiah tried to focus on the menu. And suddenly every single dish reminded him of Yoochun.

Fish? Yoochun didn’t like fish. Beef? Yoochun always said that milk is healthy. Pork? Does Yoochun like pork?

Changmin tried not to look at the other table and started fiddling with the utensils. Thankfully, Kibum returned shortly from the restroom to accompany Changmin.

Or maybe it wasn’t a good thing…

“Junsu!” Kibum ran over and pulled Xiah into a hug.

Changmin stared and wondered if Xiah would push Kibum away. He didn’t. He looked like he enjoyed the hug. Has he forgiven Kibum for siding with Changmin and Yoochun?

“Hi, how are you?”

“Good, what about you? You look so thin,” Kibum touched Xiah’s cheek, softly because the man looked so fragile.

“Not really,” Xiah smiled lightly. His eyes shifted to Changmin and quickly looked away when their eyes connected. “Um…are you two on a date? We won’t bother you.”

Kibum looked sad when Xiah pulled out of the embrace, but he understood. He just…really missed his good friend. “Okay, enjoy your dinner.”

He gave a small nod to Yunho and Jaejoong (out of courtesy) before returning to Changmin. Kibum purposely sat in the seat between Changmin and the other table, so that Changmin can avoid seeing Xiah.

Dinner that night wasn’t pleasant at all.

=====

“Feeling better?”

“Do you think they brought Xiah because they wanted to make me feel guilty? Or do you think they expect me to tell Yoochun about seeing Xiah and Yoochun will appear? That means they know that Yoochun loves Xiah, right? But how would they know? Maybe Xiah figured it out and Xiah told them…but that means Xiah is using Yoochun’s love to lure him out…to arrest him.”

“Changmin, just rest for tonight. You’re tired.”

Changmin sighed, taking in the comfort of Kibum’s encouraging eyes. “I just wish…”

“I know,” Kibum whispered softly, leaning forward so that their foreheads rested against each other. “I know.”

Changmin closed his eyes. If only they knew…

=====

Xiah felt the sweat trickle down the side of his face, leaving a trail of memory. The dream. The dream was so horrible. It wasn’t a dream. It was a nightmare.

[D.r.e.a.m]

“Kill him! He deserves it!” the voice shouted. Whose voice is it? Xiah couldn’t recognize the voice. “Kill him!”

Xiah saw darkness first. Then he blinked and saw a much scarier vision. Yoochun was right in front of him, several feet away, tied to a chair and unconscious.

“Kill him!” the voice shouted again.

Xiah looked around, searching for the owner of the voice. He saw no one, nothing…

Then he noticed the gun in his hand. Why did he have the gun in his hand?

“He’s right in front of you! Kill him!” the voice commanded.

Xiah’s heart raced when his arm suddenly aimed the gun towards Yoochun. His finger was on the trigger. He just needed to…

“Kill him!” came the voice, much louder and closer. It scared Xiah and he pulled the trigger.

His eyes widened as he watched the bullet pierce through Yoochun’s body. The man in the chair woke up from the impact and the pain; he raised his head to stare at Xiah. He smiled and Xiah cried.

Just like his arm had unconsciously aimed the gun without his control, the tears began to fall.

“No,” Xiah gasped. He dropped the gun and ran to Yoochun. “Yoochun! Yoochun!”

Yoochun’s eyes were starting to close and the blood wouldn’t stop. “You did it. You got your revenge,” he spoke in the familiar deep voice.

And Xiah realized that it was the same voice. Yoochun had told Xiah to kill him. Why didn’t he recognize the voice before?

“No! No! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t want to. I didn’t,” Junsu pressed his hand on the wound, feeling the blood leak through his fingers.

“But you did,” Yoochun murmured weakly. Then his whole body went limp.

[E.n.d.D.r.e.a.m]

And Xiah had woken up; covered in sweat, heart beating too fast, feeling too real.

=====

“We can’t deny it forever,” Jaejoong spoke casually as he took a red shirt out of the closet and put it on.

Yunho stopped flipping through the magazine. “I’m not denying anything.”

“Yunho, you went to check on him last night,” Jaejoong reminded, taking a seat on the bed next to his boyfriend.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Yunho felt tired and drained. It’s been almost a year and he still hasn’t been able to catch Junho’s killer, bring him to justice. He’d even been neglecting Jaejoong and Xiah.

It was late and they were probably asleep by now. Yunho walked to Xiah’s room and knocked. No answer so he carefully twisted the knob and opened the door. As expected, Xiah’s blanket had been kicked on the floor and the younger man was curled up into a ball (his back was to Yunho).

Yunho smiled at the cuteness, suddenly remembering the times when he and Junho had bullied Xiah (when they were still children with big dreams and small troubles). He walked into the room and picked up the blanket.

But just as he was about to put the blanket over Xiah, the sleeping man had turned his body to reveal the stuff animal that he was hugging close to his chest. Yunho was pretty sure that the stuff bunny was bought by Micky Park, probably to gain Xiah’s trust.

Believing that there was no other reason, Yunho went ahead and threw the pillow over the younger man. Then he noticed that Xiah’s head wasn’t on the pillow. He gently lifted Xiah’s head and pulled the pillow lower.

When he moved the pillow, he found a picture underneath it. It was the picture that he’d shown to the nurses at the hospital to determine if Micky Park was the man who took Xiah away. Yunho turned his head away, as if wanting to avoid seeing the truth.

He turned his head to see Jaejoong standing at the entrance of the room, staring at him with eyes that had already seen the truth.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“He needed comfort so he grabbed the closest thing next to his bed…which just happens to be a stuff bunny. As for the picture…he kept it because he wants to remember the man who killed his brother, to keep him motivated…”

“Yunho,” Jaejoong whispered. “If you believe that Xiah isn’t in love with Micky Park then you wouldn’t have set up that encounter at the restaurant with Shim Changmin.”

Yunho’s hands turned into fists and he refused to look at Jaejoong. “He’s not in love with Micky Park.”

“You know that just because you see something with your own eyes, it doesn’t mean that it’s the truth. If you put something into words, keep saying it to yourself and to other people, it doesn’t mean that it’s the truth either. What have you turned into, Yunho?” Jaejoong spoke in a tone, too soft and too hurt.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t changed at all,” Yunho stood up and walked to look out the window.

“Haven’t you? What happened to the logical, intelligent man that I fell in love with? You’ve stooped to even using Xiah to find out where Micky Park is…when you know that Xiah doesn’t want you to find Park! You’ve stooped so slow that you secretly went through Xiah’s drawer and read those postcards! You invaded his privacy!”

Yunho frowned. “I had to look! I’m sure those postcards are from Micky Park. I just know it. And Xiah…he’s just confused! Park was good to him in order to gain his trust, to get the information out of him, but he mistook it for Love. Park isn’t capable of True Love. He’s a murderer! It was all false.”

“You can call Park’s Love for Xiah ‘false,’ but you can’t say the same about Xiah. Xiah is a horrible liar and you caught him every single time, but you’re just denying it. Please, Yunho, just…stop.”

Yunho’s angry eyes met Jaejoong’s pleading eyes. “What are you saying? You’re telling me to give up? To just let Junho’s murderer go free?”

“I understand that Junho was important to you…”

“No! You don’t understand!” the taller man exclaimed. “Junho was my best friend, my brother! When my mother died and left me alone with my abusive father, Junho saved me! He saved me from drowning in depression, saved me from killing myself! He begged his parents to adopt me and they put up a hard battle to set me free from my father! He did so much for me! All the other kids hated me, shunned me, but Junho reached out to me! I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him! I wouldn’t have become a cop. I wouldn’t have met and fell in love with you!”

Jaejoong bit his lower lip, unable to find his words. He’d avoided this topic, this denial and this truth for this long because he didn’t want this fight with Yunho. But it’d hurt him to see Yunho lose his own honest character to find Micky Park. And Jaejoong had begun to accept that Xiah may truly love Micky Park…another reason to NOT want Yunho to find him.

It would hurt Xiah. It’s already hurting Yunho. If Yunho could just open his eyes and see himself right now, he’d hate himself. He was becoming someone that he didn’t want to be.

Jaejoong feared that one day, Yunho wouldn’t just arrest Micky Park; he’d simply kill Park with his own hands and that’s against the law. Yunho always abided by the law; always wanted to be a part of the police force, to protect the innocent.

“This isn’t fair,” the blond man murmured, eyes conveying all the hurt he was feeling. “It’s not fair because you’re hurting yourself…yet I’m feeling the pain.”

Yunho turned his eyes away. “Forget it. You can’t understand.”

“I understand that you would hurt Xiah if you killed Micky Park.”

“When Park dies, Xiah will open his eyes and realize that it’s not real Love! He doesn’t love the man who killed his brother!”

Jaejoong’s brows furrowed. Yunho never liked seeing Jaejoong unhappy. “The one who needs to open his eyes…is you.”

Chapter 34

Yunho had stormed out on Jaejoong. Frustration built up from the past months, anger from having the truth shoved in his face, knowing that he’d changed and it upsets Jaejoong. Everything.

Everything would be okay once he finds Micky Park and brings him to justice. Xiah is soft, too soft. He thinks Micky Park was genuinely good to him, maybe even loved him, but that’s because Xiah is too gullible, too pure. Yunho knew better. Micky Park doesn’t care about anyone, but himself. He’s a part of the mafia; he’s an assassin.

Once an assassin, always an assassin.

Yunho saw the tall man walking out of the building, smiling because he’d just completed a job interview. Does he think that just because Bae is dead, he can just move on with his life like this? Get a sales job at a department store and live like a normal person?

“Shim Changmin.”

The tall man stopped walking and turned around to glare at Yunho. “What do you want? Will you just leave me alone?”

“You should be feeling lucky that I’m not going after you. Just tell me where Park is and…”

“I don’t know where he is!”

“I just want to arrest Park. If you don’t help me, then you’re just forcing me to arrest you too.”

“Try it,” Changmin challenged before turning on his heels to walk away.

Yunho followed, long legs challenging long legs. “You can’t run away from this.”

Changmin scoffed. Funny that he used to say these words to Yoochun. “Forget it, Jung. There’s a reason I don’t know where he is and that reason is because everyone would expect me to know.”

“You do know. Keeping him safe will only bring trouble for yourself,” Yunho threatened.

Changmin turned into an alley and Yunho’s defense automatically rose. They soon stood alone and the taller man stopped walking. “Why? Why won’t you just let him go?”

“I’ll chase him to Hell if I have to! He killed Junho and perhaps hundreds of other people!” Yunho didn’t miss the flick of emotion in Changmin’s eyes, except it disappeared before Yunho could read it.

“Do you know why he killed Kim Junho?” He wasn’t afraid to stare down the other man.

“For all the wrong reason.”

“For just one right reason,” Changmin corrected. He hesitated, unsure of whether he should be telling Yunho this. But he’d grown sick of keeping his silence. It happens.

“There is no right reason to take an innocent life…”

“Yes, there is. If he hadn’t killed Kim Junho right then and there, Bae would have done worse. Wouldn’t you rather die than have needles pierce through you, one by one? Wouldn’t you rather die than have your fingers and toes cut off, piece by piece? Wouldn’t you rather die and be with the one that you love than suffer the most…unthinkable tortures?”

From Yunho’s expression, Changmin could tell that he was imagining his best friend going through those tortures. Changmin hadn’t even mentioned the other punishments Bae was capable of.

“He fell in love, Jung. Your best friend joined the mafia because he fell in love with Bae’s wife. If you were a good friend, you should know.”

But he didn’t. Because after he’d joined the police academy, he and Junho had become distant. They even fought too often because of Junho’s decision to join the mafia. And that made Yunho hurt even more, knowing the last time he saw Junho was when they had fought over something stupid. The regret would always be there and it would motivate Yunho to find Micky Park, to go something to make up to his deceased his best friend.

“Don’t lie…”

“I’m not lying. As a matter of fact, it feels good to be suffocating you with the Truth. Your best friend broke all the rules and tried to blackmail his boss. They were caught and he tried to use the microchip to save her, to run away with her. Too bad it didn’t work out. She was tortured in the most gruesome way, breaking her physically and emotionally. Yoochun killed her too,” Changmin watched Yunho closely, wondering if he can find any sense of pity in those dark eyes. “He killed her to save her from all the pain, just like he killed Kim Junho to save him from all the pain.”

“People like you would resort to telling lies just to get your asses out of trouble!” Yunho spoke with angry eyes.

Changmin glared, refusing to lose. “It’s always been dangerous for people like me to speak the truth, but it’s even more dangerous for people like you to tell lie…especially when you’re lying to yourself. Denial only takes you so far, Jung.”

“I’m not in denial. You are! Park is a murderer and he needs to meet his consequences! Protecting him is not…”

“Maybe I’m not just protecting him. Maybe I’m protecting myself because I’ll hurt if he gets caught. Maybe I’m protecting him because I don’t want to see Xiah hurt. Maybe I’m protecting Xiah too. When was the last time you thought about other people?”

“Stop!” Yunho warned.

Changmin saw him reach around his waist, hands covering a gun. Changmin has been at gun point more times than he can count. But he didn’t fear any of those as much as he feared this one. He couldn’t die yet. He still had Kibum.

And the only reason he trusted that Jung Yunho wouldn’t shoot him on the spot is because Jung Yunho is a cop. They were on opposing sides, but Changmin got the feeling that Jung was a good cop.

He walked pass Jung and safely left the alley.

====

The next morning…

“Hello?”

“Yunho…”

Silence. They hadn’t spoken to each other since yesterday when Yunho stormed out. The younger man had spent the night lying (awake) on the couch.

“What is it, Jae?”

Jaejoong hesitated, unsure of whether he should continue. He’d promised to help Yunho, from the beginning. He knew it was wrong, felt that it was wrong. But…maybe it’s not completely wrong. Jaejoong was also genuinely concerned about Xiah.

“You know how Xiah usually stays home all day when he doesn’t work?”

Yunho understood. “He’s not home today?”

“He said that he’s meeting an old college friend, but you know how he’s not good at lying.”

And Yunho also knew that Jaejoong cared too much to let Xiah walk out on his own. Jaejoong had that natural motherly instinct in him. “Where are you right now, Jae?”

Jaejoong hesitated. Call it blind love. He needs to believe in Yunho. He needs to believe that Yunho is asking not because he suspects Xiah is meeting with Micky Park (that he’s known this whole time, but didn’t tell Yunho or Jaejoong). He needs to believe that Yunho is asking because he is worried about Xiah.

Call it blind love, true love, hope, belief, possible.

Jaejoong told Yunho the names of the streets that he was on and the exact location of where he stood, watching Xiah (who stood two buildings away, hiding behind a wall as well).

=====

Xiah adjusted his sunglasses and faked a cough under the flu mask so that people passing by wouldn’t think he was an insane stalker. He turned his attention back to the office supply store across the street and waited.

Two minutes later, he saw Changmin and Kibum walk out of the store. Changmin’s left hand linked with Kibum’s hand while his right hand held a stack of rectangular objects. Xiah removed his sunglasses to get a better look.

A stack of postcards!

So it was true!

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Xiah sat in front of the row of stuff animals and Superman figurine. Yunho was out again and Jaejoong was probably in the living room making some sort of phone call about stocks and investment.

He picked up the stack of postcards and started to read them again. When he got to the one about the amusement park, the clown, and the balloons, he read it several more times. This was the card that bothered him and yet he couldn’t figure out why.

Until today…

Like he used to do when he had the mind of a child, Xiah turned to the stuff animals. Of course, he wasn’t going to talk to them, but looking at them gave him some sort of comfort…as if he still had those three close…‘friends’ with him.

Xiah stared at Micky, the huge stuff animal, and kept staring. Something about it…

Changmin had won it for him. It wasn’t as special as Mr. Bunny (because it was a gift from Yoochun), but special nonetheless. Because Changmin had won it for him…at an amusement park…that same day…when Xiah had stolen those balloons from the clown. That’s right! Changmin had taken Xiah to the amusement park! Yoochun was…Yoochun was at home with Kibum!

{F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k}

“Changmin!” Kibum suddenly shouted and the taller man looked at him immediately. “Take Junsu to the amusement park. Chunnie and I need some ‘boyfriend-time’.”

Yoochun glanced at Kibum and then Junsu. Junsu glanced at Yoochun and then Changmin.

“Okay, let’s go Junsu.”

“Hyung?” Junsu stared at Yoochun.

“Go ahead, Junsu. Kibum and I have some stuff to talk about,” Yoochun smiled at the younger man.

Junsu automatically smiled and nodded. He jumped up from the seat and followed Changmin. “Which one are we going to? I was watching T.V. and they said that a new one opened up last week. Can we go there? Can we? Please? Please? Please?”

{E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k}

Yoochun wasn’t with them at the amusement park.

{F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k}

“Wow, thank you for saving me.”

“I didn’t save you,” Changmin retorted.

“I think he was going to hurt me. Did I do something wrong?” Junsu blinked, confused.

“You released all of his balloons,” Changmin reminded. He didn’t see it happen, but that was what the clown had claimed.

“Well, yeah, because balloons should be free and flying away. They’ll be sad if they’re tied down by a string in a person’s hand. I read a book about this,” Junsu said.

“Just don’t do it again,” Changmin lectured.

Junsu lowered his head sadly. “I’m sorry.”

Changmin felt guilty, really guilty. “Want cotton candy?” he held the bag up. “I bought the pink ones.”

Junsu’s face lit up immediately and he threw his arms around Changmin for a nice, big hug. “Thank you!”

{E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.ck}

He read the post card again.

[Xiah, remember that time at the amusement park when you stole all the balloons from the clown and set them free in the air? You always said that balloons should be free and not trapped with a string in the hands. Do you still believe that?]

If Yoochun wasn’t there then how did he know about the clown and the balloons? Could Changmin have told him? Or…could it be that Changmin was the one who wrote these postcards this whole time?

Were Changmin and Kibum trying to play matchmaker again? Where is Yoochun in all this? Does he know about the postcards?

Too many questions.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Chapter 35

Xiah took off the flu mask and ran across the streets to reach Changmin and Kibum. A car almost hit him and he didn’t care.

Changmin and Kibum could have sworn their hearts froze for a second too long when they saw Xiah running across the busy street. Kibum immediately shouted, “That was dangerous! You could have been hit by that car!”

Xiah ignored him and grabbed the postcards from Changmin’s hand. Changmin’s eyes widened, looking like he’d been caught red-handed. “Junsu…”

Xiah’s lips quivered, he tried to find words; to ask questions, to demand answers. But he was afraid.

So Kibum helped him. He asked, “Do you want to see Yoochun?”

“Y…yes.”

Kibum wanted to jump, to cheer, to hug them both. But…he had to be logical. Things aren’t this simple. He glanced at Changmin.

Changmin noted that Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong were nowhere in sight.

Changmin hesitated, recalling the very last time he shared a conversation with his best friend. “Okay.”

=====

When they reached the location and Changmin turned off the engine of his vehicle, Xiah felt his body freeze. He didn’t want to move.

They were at a temple up in the mountains, far from the city. This temple was famous for a reason: the dead resided here. Many people donate to the temple and are allowed to purchase spots in the temple for placement of a dead, loved one’s memorial.

Then the one thought that Xiah had been trying to avoid took hostage of his mind.

Xiah didn’t want to keep thinking about this possibility…because it would lead him to wonder why Changmin would be writing the postcards. It would lead him to wonder why ‘Yoochun’ had suddenly started sending him postcards after Bae was killed. It would lead him to wonder if Changmin was writing the postcards for Yoochun because…because Yoochun…

Was it Yoochun who killed Bae? Did he…get hurt in the process?

He remembered sneaking online to read the articles about Bae’s death and what the police had revealed about it…including the estimated time and date of death.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Are you happy?”

There was something strange about Yoochun’s voice, his breathing. It was as if he was straining to talk. But Xiah couldn’t…wouldn’t allow himself to turn around to observe. His back still towards Yoochun, he replied, “Yes. Very.”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Xiah?” Kibum spoke in a worried tone. Xiah looked into his eyes and wished he could hug Kibum.

Kibum had probably been in America for too long to know about this temple. But then, it’s not like he would have a use of this temple…especially if he didn’t know about Yoochun. But Changmin would.

“Let’s go,” Changmin spoke in a calm voice as he got out of the car. Hands in his pockets and walking with an air of suaveness, Changmin walked towards the temple.

Xiah and Kibum followed right behind. Kibum was wondering why Yoochun was at a temple (to be a monk?) while Xiah was afraid that he knew why.

There were areas for praying, for meditating, even the rooms of the people who lived/worked at the temple. Xiah would have chosen to go to any of those places, but Changmin was leading them to the one large temple where all the memorials were kept. Even Kibum had come to realize it when he read the name of the shrine.

Kibum stopped walking and he stared up at the wooden sign. Xiah couldn’t bring himself to keep walking either, but Changmin was just checking his watch and continuing walk. When he noticed that the other two didn’t follow, he stopped walking and stood at the entrance. In a soft voice, he invited, “You have to face this sooner or later.”

Changmin’s head lowered sadly and he disappeared into the temple.

Kibum gasped and covered his mouth with his hand. His eyes began to moisten. “Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. No wonder…that night, Changmin came home covered in blood and…and…he looked so pale and drained. Oh, my gosh.”

Xiah’s tears were already falling. He shook his head, left and right. It can’t be. It simply cannot be.

His heart ached and his throat felt like he’d swallowed sand paper. His breath was ragged and he wanted to…to stop breathing.

Yoochun. Yoochun. Yoochun.

Unconsciously, he gripped Kibum’s hand tightly, needing the support. Blinking away old tears to make room for new tears, Xiah took in a breath of courage before climbing the stairs to enter the temple.

=====

Changmin walked into the shrine. It was around lunch time so no one else would be in here, just them.

“Yoochun, I brought him.”

Changmin heard the running and turned to see that Xiah had finally gathered the courage to come in. He’d been waiting for this day when Xiah would ask to see Yoochun. Yet at the same time, he was so afraid and upset. Afraid of Xiah’s reaction and upset because he didn’t know Xiah’s intentions. Was it forgiveness or did Xiah want to find Yoochun and put him in jail?

Whatever reason it was, Changmin couldn’t deny Xiah’s request. Yoochun had told him not to.

So he took a step back and watched the scene, crossing his fingers and hoping that everything would turn out with a happy ending (like in Kibum’s novels).

Except…why were Kibum and Xiah crying?

“Yoochun…” Xiah breathed as he stared at the man kneeling in the corner of the shrine.

Yoochun stopped praying. His hands fell to his side and he looked up at Xiah. He didn’t respond when Changmin spoke to him, but he responded now.

Kibum’s jaw dropped and he looked utterly shocked.

Xiah took a hesitant step forward, looking like he was dazed or in a dream. And it almost looked like he wanted to run to Yoochun and hug the life out of him.

“Xiah,” Yoochun whispered, nodding his head slowly as a greeting.

Xiah couldn’t explain the feeling. Hearing his voice, real and clear. Seeing him, alive and…alive! His hair was longer and he looked so heartbreakingly handsome in the casual wear. Xiah took another step forward.

Then they all heard Changmin mutter a curse and all heads turned to the entrance of the shrine.

Changmin glared at the newly arrived Yunho and Jaejoong. “I should have known better!” Yet he still couldn’t believe that Xiah had tricked him and led the two to Yoochun.

Yoochun had his eyes on Xiah and he didn’t miss it when Xiah’s arm extended (slightly, subtly), his fingers extended and palm towards Yoochun. It was subtle, but Yoochun was sure that it was a natural reaction, as if he wanted to shield (protect) Yoochun.

And that’s enough. That’s all it takes for Yoochun to believe that Xiah hadn’t tricked Changmin and didn’t mean to lead Jung Yunho here.

Silence stretched until Yoochun stood up from his kneeling position. Eyes on Yunho the whole time, Yoochun walked pass Xiah and stood in front of the cop. He raised his hands in surrender, exposing his wrists to handcuffs.

“Don’t,” Yoochun finally spoke, because he heard Changmin and Kibum move. His eyes still remained on Yunho. “It’s about time I stop running.”

Xiah clenched his fists. He stood frozen, stuck between his friend (as well as his brother) and the man he loved…loves. But he knew that if Yunho pulled out a gun or a handcuff right now, he would run in and stop the arrest.

Don’t think that Yunho didn’t seen Xiah’s unconscious effort to ‘shield’ Yoochun. He met Yoochun’s eyes with confidence, but found himself searching those calm eyes. Then his eyes shifted to Changmin, Kibum, and then Jaejoong. They all looked like they were ready to jump in and intervene.

Then Yunho looked at Xiah. What is there to say about the emotions he saw in the younger man’s eyes?

Lastly, he found the reason why Yoochun had been kneeling in the corner of the shrine. They’d expected to walk into this building and find that Changmin had purchased a memorial tablet for Park Yoochun. But there wasn’t one memorial, there were two. And they weren’t for ‘Park Yoochun.’ They were for ‘Kim Junho’ and ‘Kim Bomi.’

Releasing the fist that he didn’t realize he had been holding, he returned his eyes to Yoochun. Yunho’s arm lashed out and grabbed the front of Yoochun’s shirt, tugging him forward.

In the blink of an eye, Changmin ran over to grab Yunho’s wrist. Yoochun pushed Changmin away and Kibum quickly ran over to keep the taller man balanced. Jaejoong ran to Xiah, wrapping a protective arm around the younger man to prevent him from moving.

With the fistful of Yoochun’s shirt, Yunho angrily dragged Yoochun out of the shrine. Changmin and Xiah were ready to run after them, but Jaejoong and Kibum held them back.

At the same time that Jaejoong said, “Yunho didn’t put handcuffs on him,” Kibum chorused, “He didn’t put handcuffs on Yoochun.”

Xiah clenched his fists and turned his eyes to look at Changmin. Then he heard Jaejoong whisper, “Xiah, look in the corner. It’s what Yunho was looking at.”

Xiah realized that he had been too scared to realize the rest of his surrounding. As soon as he saw Yunho and Jaejoong, the only thought that ran through his head was how to let Yoochun escape. Then he remembered how much it would hurt Yunho, how he would be betraying his friends and his brother. So he just stood there, not knowing what to do…

He followed Jaejoong’s instruction and looked over at the corner that Yoochun had been kneeling at. He saw his brother’s picture on the memorial, in the same rectangular compartment with his brother was a picture of a very beautiful girl. He’d been so engulfed in seeing Yoochun again, seeing Yoochun alive, that he’d lost sight of the pictures.

=====

Yoochun allowed Yunho to drag him into a private area behind the shrine. He didn’t raise an arm or an effort to defend himself as Yunho laid punch after punch on his thin body.

He’d lost a lot of weight while he was recovering in the hospital.

Yoochun kept standing back up; no matter how many times Yunho had knocked him onto the ground. He stood back up and waited for another punch. Eventually, the punches stopped coming.

Breathing hard and glaring at the man with blood on his chin, Yunho spoke through gritted teeth, “Fight back.”

“Only one of us deserves to have the shit beaten out of him,” the younger man scoffed, wiping away blood with the back of his hand.

“Why did you kill Junho?”

Yoochun raised his head to meet Yunho’s eyes. “Does it matter? I still killed him, with my own gun, my own hands. And I didn’t just stop there. I had to go and make things worse. It would have been easier if I just killed Junsu, wouldn’t it? Then you could kill me now and not give a damn.”

“It would have been easier if you were a heartless bastard like Bae. But you had to go and become someone with a heart, someone who saved Xiah, someone who saved Junho,” Yunho hissed angrily.

Chapter 36

Yoochun’s brows furrowed. He coughed and knew that if he didn’t die today; his body would be hurting tomorrow. This cop packed better punches than anyone he’d known in the past. “Changmin told you?”

“How else would I know? You certainly wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“It’s not necessary…”

“Like Hell it’s not! It turns the table and now I’m suddenly the antagonist! They all hate me! None of them, not even Jaejoong, want me to arrest you even when they all know damn well that you deserve to die!” Yunho stopped yelling and tried to calm his nerves. He hadn’t slept in the last twenty-some hours and was still ticked off by the argument that he had with Jaejoong.

Had he really changed? Had he turned into someone who only cared for revenge and nothing more? Had he become someone that Jaejoong would hate?

“They’ll understand. I’m just getting what I deserve.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It is easy,” Yoochun moved his jaw to make sure the injury wasn’t too bad. It still hurt like Hell though. “Arrest me. You don’t have enough evidence to convict me of murder so I won’t get the death sentence. But I’ll admit to the drug dealing or whatever else that will give me the life sentence. This is the closure we all need.”

“Why? After running away this whole time?” Yunho observed him closely.

“After waking up from the coma, I really thought about turning myself in. Changmin wouldn’t allow it and…I wanted to do something more. I took the money that I had and came here.”

Yunho had seen the memorials. Yoochun didn’t have to say anymore.

Something told Yunho that if they weren’t on opposing teams, he and Micky Park would have been really compatible friends. But to Hell if Yunho would ever admit it.

=====

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“You’re awake!” Changmin refrained from pulling Yoochun into a big hug. He gently helped the other man position the pillow so that he could lean against the metal headboard. “How are you feeling?”

Yoochun coughed and Changmin quickly poured him a glass of water. After a small sip, Yoochun tried to speak, “I’m…”

“Drink a little more,” Changmin urged.

Yoochun knew that he wouldn’t be talking if he didn’t do what Changmin said. He emptied the soothing liquid into his mouth before giving Changmin the glass. The soft expression on the younger man’s face was comforting to see. “How long have I been asleep?”

“You were in a coma for a couple of days. I saw your finger move earlier so I went to get the doctor. He took a look and said that you should be okay now. Do you want me to go get him?”

Yoochun shook his head. He placed a hand on his chest because the bruise still hurt. “It’s okay.”

“I’m…glad you’re alive,” he murmured softly. It was a Miracle that Yoochun had woke up after only a short time and it scared Changmin whenever he wonders, ‘What if Miracles didn’t exist?’

Yoochun blinked and looked up to meet Changmin’s eyes. He saw the slight moisture and a smile automatically formed on his lips. “Don’t cry.”

Changmin frowned and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands. “I’m not!” he exclaimed. Yoochun’s smile widened a bit, although it hurt because of his dry lips.

“I can’t believe I’m alive,” he murmured, eyes scanning the hospital room. He still felt like he was in a dream.

“You lost a lot of blood. Thank goodness I remembered that you’d given me blood in the past when I was injured so they easily took my blood to save you,” Changmin explained. “This place is one of the smaller, less known hospitals so you can continue to rest for as long as you need.”

“Thank you,” Yoochun whispered. His voice was still raspy.

“You’re an idiot. You should have gone straight to the hospital. You were this close, Yoochun, this close,” Changmin held his hand up to emphasize his statement, leaving little to no space between the pad of his thumb and his index finger.

Yoochun’s head lowered and he stared at the tubes connected to his arm. “I didn’t think I’d be lucky enough to survive.”

“Can you tell me what’s been going on? What have you been hiding from me?”

Yoochun sighed. He owed Changmin.

“I found out that Junho had put the microchip in a pendant and given it to Junsu. It was with me the whole time and…I used it to blackmail Bae. I demanded to be a part of his trades and he easily gave in. Geun Suk had told me that the police have been keeping a close eye on them lately and Bae allowed me back so he had a scapegoat whenever he needed.”

“Geun Suk…from the very beginning, it was him,” Changmin spoke, recalling how much information Geun Suk knew. He felt stupid that he didn’t suspect Geun Suk in the first place.

Yoochun nodded. “He owed me a favor and he wanted out of the mafia too. You know that part of it. So he helped me. He got the evidence and I sent it to the police. During the trade with Hwang, I put a listening device on the suitcase with all the money. The police used that to close down several headquarters.”

Yoochun had a feeling that Changmin had already predicted his plans and was interested in another matter. “Tell me about Junho.”

Yoochun coughed, but raised his hand when he saw Changmin stand up to get him some water. “I fell in love with Junsu at first sight, the first time he went to the bar to find Junho. So I’ve always kept a close eye on them. I’d only returned from a job in Daejeon when I found out about Junho and Bomi. Even before then, I’d caught them together, but turned a blind eye.”

“One of the rookies saw them and informed Bae,” Changmin recalled.

“They were caught and there was no way out. I managed to help Junho escape, but Bomi had already been locked up.”

“Do you know how Junho got the microchip?”

“I don’t,” Yoochun replied.

“You helped him escape, but he tried to go back to get Bomi,” Changmin concluded. “You were on their side the whole time.”

“Love makes a person dumb,” the older man murmured tiredly. Changmin wasn’t sure if Yoochun was talking about Junho or himself.

“So that night when you killed Junho, you weren’t mocking him or threatening him, you were telling him about Bomi?”

Yoochun blinked. He’d been aware of the rumors going around about what he had said to Junho moments before killing the man. “He could have at least died knowing that Bomi was no longer suffering Bae’s tortures.”

“And you told him to look angry so that the others didn’t suspect you, is that right?” Changmin guessed. Yoochun coughed and Changmin felt bad for interrogating him like this. “Let’s tell Junsu…”

“No,” Yoochun interrupted, determination in his voice.

“Why? You helped his brother! You saved Junho from all the things Bae would have done to him! And you killed Bae! You saved us all by killing Bae! He would have eventually killed all of us: me, Kibum, Junsu, even Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong! You could have died…”

“Changmin, promise me, you can’t say anything. Nothing.”

“Yoochun…”

“In the end, I still killed his brother…for whatever reason. He…he might not even believe me. He’d probably think…that I’m making things up. And I don’t know if he’d ever be able to love a murderer. I’ve killed so many people…the greatest amount during the time when Junsu was probably in Law School, dreaming of Justice and Righteousness. We’re from two different Worlds.”

Changmin lowered his head. He wondered if Junsu would be willing to accept Lies just so he could forgive Yoochun. Is that how powerful Love is?

Changmin sighed. “What do you plan to do now?”

Yoochun glanced at the clock. It calmed him to see that Time continue to move forward. At least he was seeing it right now. “I’m going to turn myself in.”

“No!” the younger man immediately protested.

“Changmin, it’s for the best…”

“No, you can’t. Jung will do all he can to convict you with the death sentence. If I wanted you to die, I wouldn’t have volunteered my blood in the first place. Are you going to do this to me, to yourself?”

“Changmin…”

“Yoochun, please, for me. You owe me this much,” Changmin pleaded. “It doesn’t matter if you were willing or not, I saved your life with my own blood. You owe me that much…at least.”

Yoochun closed his eyes for a second before opening them again. “Changmin…” he tried again. “There’s no point. If I don’t turn myself in then I’m still going to be hiding all my life. Jung won’t give up.”

“Then hide for now, just until we figure something else out,” the taller man begged. For some reason, deep in Changmin’s heart, he still wished for an alternative, that Junsu’s Love for Yoochun would make everything okay again.

Yoochun sighed. He’d surrendered.

[E,n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“And…what about the postcards?” Xiah inquired after Changmin finished his explanation.

“I bought them for him,” Changmin replied.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“What’s the point? He won’t read them.”

“You never know.”

“He’ll throw them away.”

“That’s his choice. And it’s your choice if you want to write them.”

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“It looked like he really wasn’t going to write them, but when I visited him the next day, I saw him giving the postcard to the mailman who passes by this temple every day,” the tallest of the four explained. He glanced at Kibum, who was nodding in understanding (finally knowing why Changmin would leave home early in those couple of days). “But even though he’s writing them and sending them, he didn’t have much hope that you’d be reading them.”

Xiah recalled the postcards and along with the memory, recalled the feeling of just moment ago when he stood outside this temple. He’d thought that Yoochun was dead. Dead, for God’s sake. The feeling was…was…he can’t even find a word to describe it. All the words in the world wouldn’t be able to describe it!

Just imagining Yoochun dead sent a chill through his body and an unexplainable pain that followed.

“I read them,” Xiah confessed. They heard footsteps and turned to see Yoochun and Yunho walking back into the temple. Xiah stared at Yoochun and felt the need to repeat, “I read them.”

“Oh, my God!” Kibum gasped when he saw the two. Kibum ran over to Yoochun and had pulled out a pink handkerchief out of nowhere to wipe away his blood.

Yoochun had his soft eyes on Xiah the whole time. Changmin glared at Yunho. Jaejoong walked over to Yunho and took a hold of his hand. Yunho met Jaejoong’s eyes, asking for forgiveness through the silent connection.

Chapter 37

“Let’s go home,” Jaejoong smiled lightly. He gave Xiah an encouraging smile before turning to leave, pulling Yunho with him. Yunho’s head was lowered and he did not turn around to look at Xiah. He allowed Jaejoong to lead him away.

Kibum took the hint and quickly ran to take Changmin’s hand. “Let’s go.”

Before pulling Changmin out, he put the pink handkerchief in Xiah’s hand, giving the man a quick squeeze on the hand for support.

And then they were alone. In the shrine. Yoochun stood at the door and Xiah stood in the corner near his brother’s memorial. Too far apart.

Yoochun took one step closer and broke the eye contact so he could look at the memorials. “That was the best picture I could find of them.”

Xiah took a step away from the memorials (towards Yoochun) so that he wasn’t blocking the older man’s view of the memorials.

“They’re good pictures,” he murmured softly, trying to prevent his voice from shaking. The atmosphere was so heavy, so awkward, and Xiah wasn’t sure what he should be doing right now.

Silence.

“Yeah,” Yoochun murmured, wondering if Kibum had wiped away all the blood on his face. He suddenly felt self-conscious, really self-conscious.

“So…,” Xiah paused. He glanced over at the memorial, “Did you know her? What was she like?”

Stupid question. He didn’t want to ask those questions right now. He wanted to do something else. But what?

Follow your heart.

Yoochun understood that Xiah was probably being flooded with emotions right now. He’d be patient. “I heard that she really loved flowers…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence. Xiah ran towards him and nearly tackled him onto the floor. But he managed to remain standing and lost his breath in the tight embrace.

And for the first time, in a very long time, Yoochun smiled happily, completely happy. He wrapped his arms around the shorter man and never wanted to let go.

“I love you,” Xiah whispered against his cheek, lips brushing against a bruise that was beginning to form.

Yoochun felt his eyes moisten and called himself an ‘idiot’ for wanting to cry. “I love you,” Yoochun whispered in reply. He hugged Xiah tighter, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

=====

“Yunho will warm up to you…eventually,” Jaejoong smiled kindly at Yoochun. Then he glanced at the list in Yoochun’s hand, “What are you doing?”

“This is a list of people I…owe from my past. I’ve killed countless people. They were drug dealers or were involved in some sort of illegal trade. This is a list of people that have been hurt in the process; parents, wives, children. It’s too late for me to fix what I’ve done, but I can still try to make it up to these people.”

Jaejoong smiled because he saw the genuine kindness in Yoochun’s expression. The man wasn’t just saying nor doing this to put up a façade; he spoke from the heart.

After that day at the temple, Xiah had opened up to Jaejoong about remembering the past and told him all the things Yoochun had done for Xiah during that period of time. It was so sweet and romantic that Jaejoong almost (almost) teared up. “Let me know if you need any help.”

“Thank you, but I’m going to try to figure it out myself,” Yoochun paused. “I should start with finding a job first though.”

Jaejoong nodded in understanding as he walked back to the stove to check on the soup.

“It smells so good!” Kibum sang as he entered the kitchen, dragging a smiling Changmin along. Yoochun checked his watch. It’d taken Kibum twenty minutes to wake Changmin up (Yoochun was sure he didn’t want to know about the process of it).

“Where are Xiah and Jung?” the taller man inquired. He wasn’t exactly on a first-name-basis with Yunho yet.

“They went to pick up something for me. Take a seat. Breakfast is almost ready,” Jaejoong invited.

“Thanks for coming over so early to make breakfast,” Kibum grinned.

“You’re welcome,” Jaejoong replied. “By the way, I saw the magazine in your living room. You’re a fan of those brand names too?”

“Yes!” Kibum cheered. “They’ve got good quality and aren’t too expensive! Have you seen this season’s trends?”

The two continued on about the latest fashion while Changmin joined Yoochun at the table. “How’d you sleep last night?”

“Good,” Yoochun replied. “Except it was much quieter at the temple.”

Changmin’s face turned a shade of red and Yoochun was amused.

=====

“Here, let me help you.”

“No, I’ve got it.”

“I can carry them.”

“I’ve got them.”

“Xiah, give me two of those bags,” Yunho demanded, eyeing the five grocery bags that the younger man was carrying.

“Yunho, it’s fine. I’ve got them.”

The older man frowned. “Are you trying to punish yourself?”

“What?” Xiah wouldn’t look at Yunho.

“Those bags are heavy and yet you won’t let me help you. It’s a long walk to the car.”

“I’m fine…”

“You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to feel bad,” Yunho interrupted. “Punishing yourself…in any way and trying to make it up to me…is useless. It’s not necessary.”

Xiah’s head lowered. “I’m sorry.”

Yunho sighed, leading Xiah aside so that they weren’t standing in the middle of the store’s entrance. “For what?”

“I don’t know,” he murmured softly.

“I know,” Yunho spoke and Xiah raised his head, shocked by the tone and emotion in the older man’s voice. “I know why. You think I’m angry that you’ve forgiven Park and you want to be with him. You’re also guilty because I’ve quit my job.”

Xiah’s head lowered again, nodding to confirm Yunho’s words. “You love being a cop, but…you gave it up. You can’t be a cop if you let…someone like Yoochun off the hook like that. You wouldn’t be able to put on your badge without feeling like you’re lying to the World, to yourself.”

“I did love being a cop, but it’s not the most important part of my life. I’m letting Yoochun go and I won’t allow myself to be called a defender of crime because of that,” Yunho confirmed Xiah’s worries. “But there are other jobs in this world. I can excel at anything I put my mind too.”

“Yunho…”

“There are more important things in life. Your happiness is more important to me than my job. Junho would want you to be happy too. And…as much as I hate to admit it…Park Yoochun isn’t a bad person. I…I can see that he truly loves you. And he technically saved all of our lives; yours, mine…and Jaejoong’s by risking his own life to kill Bae.”

Xiah blinked because he didn’t want to cry. “You don’t hate me?”

Yunho felt his heart soften, like it always did for Xiah; like an older brother’s heart would soften for his younger sibling. “I could never hate you. I’ve thought it over and…this is how I want it to be. This is how it should be.”

“You really don’t hate me?”

Yunho sighed, smiling at Xiah’s childish expression. “I hope you don’t hate me for what I’ve done. I used you to get to Shim. I invaded your privacy by going through your stuff.”

“You wanted to protect me…”

“I wanted revenge. Jaejoong was right; I was blinded by the revenge and guilt. But…it’s over now. I spent a lot of time thinking through everything and…I’m glad the truth is out and we’ve both let go of the past. Let’s focus on the future now.”

Xiah’s lips grew into a grin. He nodded happily, “Okay!”

“Now let me help you,” Yunho smiled.

“Here, you take three,” Xiah shoved the three bags into Yunho’s arms and held onto two. “Let’s go!”

Yunho nodded and followed Xiah as he ran towards the parking lot across the street. The younger man looked so happy, so content and Yunho felt that it was worth it. Now, with a mind cleared from revenge and guilt, Yunho could see what Junho would see. Junho would see his little brother happy and he would be happy.

Yunho could see that Park Yoochun really loves Xiah. That doesn’t mean Yunho would stop keeping a close eye on Park though. Because no matter how hard he tries, Yunho can’t forget that there is no physical evidence that Park had done a good thing when he killed Junho. There was no evidence; everything was based off of Park and Shim’s words.

Or maybe Yunho is just thinking too much. He’s been a cop for so many years; old habits are hard to break free from.

“Hyung, hurry!” Xiah laughed.

Yunho pushed the thought away. All he needs to know is that Xiah is happy.

=====

“Dinner was nice.”

“Jaejoong is a really good cook.”

Silence.

Yoochun turned the wheel with his right hand and the car swerved into the parking lot. His left hand was holding onto Xiah’s right hand. He’d been holding onto it ever since they got into Changmin’s car and began to drive towards the nearby park.

Yoochun parked the vehicle and turned off the engine. He opened the door to get out, which required letting go of Xiah’s hand. He felt reluctant and Xiah looked reluctant. But they still released each other in order to exit the car.

Yoochun reached into his pocket to pull out the small gift, keeping his hand closed to cover the shining silver. Then he slowly walked to the front of the car where Xiah was waiting. They jumped on top of the car’s front and lied on their backs (careful to not cause any scratches or Changmin would kill them).

Silence continued to stretch as they lied, side by side, staring up at the stars.

Yoochun glanced down at his fist (he’d purposely laid it in the space between their bodies) and saw Xiah’s fidgeting hand. Xiah was hesitant about whether he should hold Yoochun’s hand again. Would it make him seem too clingy?

Yoochun tried not to laugh as he stole a glance at Xiah’s troubled expression. The younger man’s troubled expression was then followed by one of gathered courage and determination. He extended his hand over to grab Yoochun’s hand again.

Yoochun unclenched his fist and positioned his hand so that his palm was faced up, exposing the necklace.

Xiah’s eyes widened in shock when he felt the item between his and Yoochun’s palms. He sat up too fast and nearly slipped off the vehicle’s shiny surface. Yoochun leapt up to grab him so that he didn’t fall.

Xiah obviously didn’t care that he could have gotten hurt if he fell. He just kept staring at the necklace that Yoochun was holding. “What is that?”

Yoochun smiled and held the necklace up so that the pendant was swinging like a pendulum, reflecting the beautiful moon’s light. “I was supposed to give this to you on your birthday…the fake birthday.”

Xiah raised his hand to gently touch the pendant, allowing his index finger to trace the curve of the ‘J’. “This certainly beats the homemade lollipop.”

Yoochun burst into a laugh. “Can I put it on for you?”

Xiah’s lips formed a wide grin and he turned his back to Yoochun. The older man carefully placed the necklace around his neck. “I love it,” he murmured with gratitude.

“I should have gotten an ‘X’…”

“No, this is good. I actually like being called ‘Junsu’ so…keep calling me that,” Xiah turned his body so that he was facing Yoochun again.

“Am I allowed to call you other names too?” the older man tilted his head cutely. “Like…‘boyfriend’.”

Xiah’s grin grew wider and he pulled the older man into an embrace. It felt so natural, so perfect. “Thank you, Yoochun…for everything.”

Yoochun laid his chin on the top of Xiah’s hair, liking the smell of lavender shampoo. “Thank you, Junsu.”

They sat in silence, except it was a comfortable silence this time. The wind grew a little stronger and Xiah snuggled closer.

“I have a question.”

“Hmm?” Yoochun hummed. He’d gotten so comfortable while sitting on the car’s front and hugging Xiah that he’d almost fallen asleep.

“If you wrote those postcards, then how did you know about the amusement park and the clown?”

“I was there,” Yoochun replied, his thumb drawing circles on Xiah’s back. “After straightening things out with Kibum, he left and I went to find you and Changmin. Before leaving, you were talking about the new one and begging to go to that one so I didn’t have trouble finding the both of you.”

“Why didn’t you join us?”

“I don’t know. I just…felt like watching from afar and I wanted to give you and Changmin some alone time. I wanted him to see why I had fallen in love with you and why he should stop trying to pull me away.”

Xiah hugged Yoochun tighter at the thought of being separated from him. “Oh.”

“Yeah, so I just remained hidden. I saw the whole fight with the clown…”

“There wasn’t a ‘fight’.”

“You took his balloons and…”

“I set them free,” Xiah defended. “And he was mean anyway.”

Yoochun chuckled at the younger man’s childish tone. “Anyway, after the…incident with the clown, I saw you hug Changmin. You ran off with the candy, but he just stood there looking shocked and…paranoid.”

“Why?”

“He’s never been hugged before. And…probably didn’t want anyone to know that he enjoyed it. Changmin, being Changmin, finally sensed that someone was watching him and he was looking around so I left before he could catch me.”

Xiah hummed softly as if understanding everything now. He yawned and Yoochun chuckled. “Let’s get you home before Yunho and Jaejoong worry.”

Xiah refused to let go. “Just a little longer.”

Yoochun smiled as he ran a hand through Xiah’s soft hair, “It’s okay, Boyfriend. We have a whole forever ahead of us.”

=====

I have an exam and a project due tomorrow so I'm sorry that I can't properly reply to everyone's messages. But I did read them all and they really motivated me to write (which is why I'm sneaking away from HW/Studying to post these last chapters).

Thank you so much everyone!

I'll be taking care of myself during this tough time and I hope you all are taking good care of yourselves too! Eat lots, sleep more, and study hard! Hwaiting!

P.S.

This is the last chapter. The epilogue does not contain any sweet Yoosu/Yunjae/Minbum moments so it's OPTIONAL. Again, reading the Epilogue is OPTIONAL, my dears. That's all I have to say about that.

And, my usual ending:

Thank you to each and every one of you who supported this story. Thank you for your feedbacks in helping me improve and allowing me to make friends with fellow Yoosu/Yunjae/ChangKi/DBSK lovers!

SPREAD THE YOOSU LOVE!!!

And ALWAYS SMILE!

Remember, 'HAPPY HAPPY!

Chapter 38

“Why are you still here?”

“She wants to see you.”

Yoochu’s eyes shifted, proving to Geun Suk that he still had a soft spot for Shin Hye. “Have you told her anything about me?”

“Not yet, but I…”

“Tell her that I’m dead.”

Geun Suk flinched. He could already imagine the hurt in Shin Hye’s eyes. “She…”

“You joined the mafia to help her find me. You were only her friend back then, but now you’re her fiancé. She has you. She doesn’t need anyone else.”

“She’s spent her life trying to find her family…”

“She found him. He’s dead,” Yoochun spoke in a cold voice. “Take her and leave this country, Guen Suk.”

Silence.

Geun Suk watched Yoochun closely. The older man turned away, eyes rising to look at the full moon. “It ends here, Geun Suk. I’m starting anew.”

“Do you really think you can keep the truth hidden forever?”

Yoochun craned his neck slightly to glance at Geun Suk. Geun Suk’s eyes were daring him to remember.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

“Take this.”

“What is it?”

“This microchip has all the evidence you need to ruin Bae’s trades and put him in jail.”

Junho blinked, shocked. Micky turned his back on Junho and walked away.

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.ck]

“You took the microchip because you were ready to betray Bae. But then your supervisor died and no one else knows about your undercover status. No one would have believed that you’re an agent either,” Geun Suk reminded, proving that he knew more than Yoochun thought. “So you had nowhere else to run, no one to help you. Bae was suspecting you so you found a scapegoat.”

Yoochun’s supervisor had been ruthless anyway. All he wanted was to destroy Bae; sending Yoochun in as an undercover agent, not caring if Yoochun had to assassin one drug dealer after another.

The first person Yoochun had killed for Bae was a powerful mafia leader. He was always protected, but Yoochun managed to outsmart his men and killed him. He got on Bae’s good side and was specially trained to become one of the best assassins. Yoochun was only given difficult tasks, all of them being powerful people in the illegal industry.

His Supervisor, who he always met secretly, told him that it’s okay. He could kill those people because they’re bad people, murderers themselves. He said it wouldn’t be on Yoochun’s record as a crime, but as an accomplishment for the government.

Yoochun believed him. Yoochun also believed him when his Supervisor said that once they find evidence against Bae, Yoochun would be able to become a true cop. Except…there was no record. His accomplishments were never recorded. As a matter of fact, there was nothing in record.

[F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

Micky grabbed the front of Junho’s shirt and pulled him forward, close enough so that the other men could not hear what he was saying.

“Bomi is already gone. Since I’m going to send you there with her, then you might as well take my troubles away with you.”

Junho’s eyes widened in shock and anger, as if saying, ‘So it’s true!’

[E.n.d.F.l.a.s.h.b.a.c.k]

He’d killed Junho right after that. No one knew what he’d said to Junho. The others, including Junsu, believe that Yoochun had informed Junho of Bomi’s death (the end of her suffrage) and had told Junho to act angry so that the other men would not suspect Micky of helping Junho.

They didn’t know. Junho knew, but would no longer be able to reveal this truth. But there’s still Geun Suk.

“The only reason you’re still alive is because you love my sister,” Yoochun spoke in a calm tone. “Don’t push me to the edge.”

“I just want you to meet her…”

“And then what? Will she leave me? If she doesn’t leave, then you will have to leave without her. I don’t want you here, in this country, in my life. This is a secret I will hide forever.”

Geun Suk’s brows furrowed as he watched Yoochun. Geun Suk had entered the mafia to find this man, to find Shin Hye’s brother. The only source they had was that her brother had abandoned her at the orphanage and one Sister from the church found out that he had joined the mafia. Shin Hye grew up being told that her sibling that abandoned her, became a gang member, and was committing heinous crimes. But she still wanted to see him, she still held onto those distant childhood memories of her older brother hugging her, loving her when their parents didn’t.

Then Geun Suk had joined the same gang. Getting on Bae’s good side was a big plus, but most importantly, he found Shin Hye’s brother. He found out that Micky Park wasn’t who everyone had defined him to be. He wasn’t the horrible brother who had abandoned his baby sister and joined the gang for drugs and money.

Geun Suk had found out that Micky was the mystery person who had been donating money to the orphanage and was the one providing money for Shin Hye’s education. It wasn’t a random selection and this kind person decided to ‘adopt’ her from a long distant location. It was the brother who never abandoned her.

Micky Park is human. He has a heart. He’s made mistakes. He’ll spend the rest of his life making up for his mistakes.

“You don’t want to see her?” Geun Suk finally spoke.

He saw Yoochun’s hand form a resistant fist. “No.”

Geun Suk sighed. “We’re leaving Seoul tomorrow. We won’t come back.”

“Good,” Yoochun replied.

Geun Suk stared at the other man’s back. He stood with posture and confidence, hiding the fact that he cared. “I’ll take good care of her.”

Yoochun’s head lifted a little more, looking back up at the moon. “You’re the only family she has left.”

“I’m all she’ll ever need,” Geun Suk promised. “Thank you.”

Yoochun didn’t move, didn’t respond, but he heard Geun Suk’s movements.

The younger man murmured another, “Thank you,” before walking away, disappearing into the darkness.

When he knew that he was standing in this field, alone, Yoochun allowed himself to turn around. He glanced at the area that Geun Suk had stood and saw the rectangular object peeking through the grass.

Yoochun picked up the picture that Geun Suk had purposely dropped and could feel the happiness conveyed in the picture. The beautiful girl, his baby sister, was all grown up and happy. Her smile was beautiful and Yoochun trusted that Jang Geun Suk would keep the happiness in her eyes, in her life, in her heart.

He held the picture in both hands and stared at it for a second longer before tearing it into shreds. He allowed the torn pieces to fall onto the ground until there was only one piece left in his hand, sticking to his palm.

Yoochun clenched his fist because he couldn’t let that one piece go; this one torn piece of his baby sister’s hand (decorated with an engagement ring). He stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared up at the bright moon.

This little piece, he’ll keep to himself. Just like the secret. Junsu and no one else would ever find out that Yoochun had set Junho up, had used Junho as his scapegoat.

Changmin was right. There is no such thing as ‘running forever.’ But Yoochun isn’t running from this secret, he’s keeping it closely within himself…forever.

Whoever said that there’s no such thing as ‘forever’ is wrong.

Wrong.