we believe in something
that can’t be touched

Throttle. Left. One. Rearview. Repeat.

The seat of the car was comfortable, worn leather that hugged every inch of my body. I wasn't sure if I was allowed in it, but since I had found the door unlocked and carelessly open for anyone and everyone to enter, I wasn't too afraid.

The lights were blaring, stark white against the brilliant blue of the Jaguar I sat in, the model I didn't recognize. If I had any idea what kind of people the place housed, I would know that this was probably unreleased.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Minhyuk grinned at me through the window, one of his bandaged hands resting on the lower part of the window frame at my side. "I've been fine tuning it for the past few weeks, and it's already looking pretty promising."

"It is," I relented, running my hands across the interior and the bodywork of the Jag. "How long is the rest going to take?"

"Another week, give or take a couple days," He said, stepping back as I stepped out of the car. "Then maybe you can even use this once you start racing."

The wide smile on his face faded a little as I straightened up, studying the deep blue beauty through touches and smells. "Tell me more."

"Well, it's a 5 litre, 592 bhp two-seater," He started, immediately going into petrolhead mode. "Carbon wing, 200 mph flat out, kind of an regulated version of the 4WD sys. Costs around 170K U.S. dollars, but we got a steal." He gave me a sly look that was enough to solidify my question about how it had been obtained.

"That's actually amazing," The awed judgement left my lips before I could modify it to subtlety, and the smile on his face widened even more. "What are you improving?"

"Nothing very complicated, but some basic changes," He answered, moving to stand beside me and look at the car standing proudly in the centre of the cluttered garage. "Stiffer spring, adapted pedals..." He trailed off.

In other words, almost the exact answer I'd been expecting. I chewed on my bottom lip softly, playing with the forming idea in my mind—then I turned to him. "And that took you two weeks?"

He blinked, looking momentarily stunned, swaying on his feet shortly before coming to a halt. "Why?" The syllable was slow, stretched out anxiously, the smile almost instantly disappearing from the embrace of his deep Cupid's bow.

"Nothing major, it seems," I gestured to the car, and he glanced at it in slight confusion. "Where were you?"

The immediate answering look on the ravenet's face was stumped, dumb even, but he wasn't that great of an actor. "I told you. I was upgrading the car."

I pursed my lips, obviously not convinced by his white lie. Yes, he had been fixing the car, but simple things like that definitely didn't take two weeks, even with the complications of a racecar. Though I didn't feel like the greatest person for crushing his eagerness at showing off his modifications in the car, I was desparately in need of answers, especially because no one seemed willing enough to give them to me.

"What model is this?" I asked faintly, but a small frown deepened at his brow.

Minhyuk turned away and ran his hands over the hood of the car, the white bandages cleaning away the thin layer of grease covering the metal, and acted as if he hadn't heard me. I clenched my jaw, but he remained unmoving, eyes unfocused.

Deciding against the alternative, I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.

"Where do you think we get our money from, Y/N?" He asked, his tone sober and a little lost. "For the cars?"

I stared at him, not sure what he was getting at—and not sure of the answer to his sudden question. "I...don't know."

He lightly poked one corner of his lips, where a small cut was scabbed over. "Racing is only one of the circles. Heck, car racing is only one of the circles...We have to be managed, and so do the cars—some of us know more than the rest of us, and even though I don't exactly support that, there's nothing I can do about it either." His tone was careful and upset. "But there's more to the underworld than just street racing."

His eyes found mine again, the sending an electrifying feeling through my spine, both with the weight of what he had just told me, as well as the dark intensity of his gaze.

I didn't know how to respond, still staggering under the information. It wasn't that I had not known about all of it—the fact that there were things that they didn't trust me with made my skin crawl, crawl as I thought about all the touches and gazes and secrets...

Minhyuk didn't flinch as I reached up and lightly touched the blooming bruise on his cheek. "What happened?"

"I can't say." His eyes were sad, none of the former boyish gleam in the honey brown of them. "I'm sorry. If I could, I would."

I dropped my hand, and my gaze to his hands. "Someone's come to Seoul. Someone who isn't supposed to."

It was a guess, gathered from the thin, unbroken connection between the bikes and the anger on the racers' faces. My past had caught up to me, no matter how fast I ran.

"Just..." He bit his lip. "Just be careful, all right? Don't try to jump into anything."

Smiling grimly, I nodded, as if it meant anything, as if it could actually change something. They're here for me, not you. But I didn't say that.

"I'll try."

──────

No one noticed as I slipped out into the cool night air, weaving through throngs of people moving through the dimly lit bar, trying to forget the impending danger that hung like a thundercloud over the heads of the hoods.

Or at least, I thought no one did.

"Where are you going?" The sudden voice made me physically flinch, and I turned with the guilty manner of someone who'd been caught doing something forbidden.

A figure earlier hidden in the shadows against the wall emerged, the soft jawline and full, pale pink lips of Jinyoung's face came into view. The upper half of his face was still hidden under the shade, but the way his mouth was set held me in curiosity, bothered and confused.

"Just to get some air." The lie rolled smoothly off my tongue. "It's getting really stuffy in there." I gestured to the door that was closed behind me, right next to him.

He nodded, glancing away to the empty, dark plaza. "It is."

Something told me that he hadn't really bought my excuse, but as long as he didn't question it, it didn't really matter. My palms were getting sweaty despite the chill, and I wiped them against my jeans, trying to look nonchalant.

Taeyong was still somewhere in here—that much was obvious, because if he wasn't in the bar, he couldn't be anywhere else. Distinctly, I found myself wondering where he lived, or if he even left the place at all...the thought reached a dead end soon, because the only ever place I'd seen him apart from the arena was in the bleachers on my first day.

"There are a lot of rumours floating around, you know, most of them centering around the bikers, and, well, you," Jinyoung spoke up suddenly, the bit of new knowledge bringing a frown to my face. He shrugged. "How they appeared out of nowhere, and how it all started when..."

He didn't complete his statement, but I knew where it was headed. When you arrived.

"Why would it ever be connected?" Licking my lips, I tired to control my heartbeat thundering in my chest, heavy and hard. It was scary, how easy it was for everyone here to hand even the tense topic so carelessly. "Don't tell me they're some kind of threat to the cult."

The attempt at distracting humour was obviously wasted on him, because he only nodded and turned his face back to me. Even though I couldn't see half of him, his stare was unnerving. "Don't tell me you don't believe that, too."

I tried not to think about Taeyong, about whether or not he was listening in to the conversation, what he was making of my evasiveness. It wasn't a secret that the arrival of the bikers disturbed him.

"Minhyuk said there are other things you deal in," I started carefully, the thought bringing with it the feeling of treading on thin ice, where one wrong move could send me drowning in ice-cold water. "What's up with that?"

The corner of his full lips lifted ever so slightly. "Why would you want to know?"

"I'm part of this racket too," I spread my arms, raising my eyebrows. "I think I deserve to know a little more about it. And frankly, I'm pretty much sick of everyone treating me like some freshman."

"But you are," He pointed out with a slightly wider smile.

The considerably cheerier expression he wore brought relief as welcoming as rain to a desert. I swallowed back my rising anxiety and insecurity, pushing forward.

"That doesn't justify your actions," I said, raising my shoulders for a short while before letting them drop. "And earlier, I heard things about what kind of reasons the racers believe in, the rules being different here—which brings me to the question, different from what?"

"You're observant," Jinyoung laughed.

"Yeah, you're not the first person here to tell me that," I said. "And I've had enough experience talking to your kind that I know when you're avoiding conversation."

He raised an eyebrow, teasing, a small smile playing upon his lit up lips.

"You were the one who walked into this, Park," I reminded him. "Don't back away now."

For another moment that seemed to last a thousand years, he regarded me. I bit down on the side of my mouth, wondering when my intentions had crossed over the thin barrier between trying to cover my attempted escape to trying for information.

"Since you want to know so bad, I'll leave you with something like a..." He seemed to think of an apt word. "A tease? A trail."

My eyebrows rose impatiently.

"I'm not supposed to tell you this, but we're actually trying to figure out what they want from us," He admitted, looking frustrated as he finally faced the half truth of what he had been trying to hide. "We're not sure why they're here, but, to be honest, we've been in a bad state since before you came along."

Since before I came along?

The revelation echoed inside my head. "What?"

But he was already drifting away. "I'll have to take your leave," Jinyoung was frowning now, looking around furtively, looking afraid that he had said too much.

"Wait!" I called out, starting after him, but with a slightly troubled smile, he disappeared back into the door through which I'd come.

I rocked back on my heels, hissing my breath into the air through my teeth, where it billowed like a semi-transparent cloud. Undoubtedly, I still reeled under the blow. The reason I had been thinking wasn't the same as what it truly was.

Then what?

"You don't want to know." I almost jumped out of my skin as he materialised next to me, seemingly out of thin air.

With a jolt, I realised that I'd spoken out aloud earlier, and looked away from him, the conversation still hanging in my mind, like a ghost.

"I'm not lying," Taeyong said, not taking his eyes off the door. The door was still a crack open, so some of the green-tinged light shone through, the music from inside still faintly audible. "This is bigger than just trust issues."

Unable to help myself, I glanced at the side of his face. Shadows filled out the hollow of his cheeks, his high cheekbones and jawline looking even sharper in the dull light. His eyes were hard, and a thin white stick stuck out from between his lips—a lollipop.

I sucked in my breath, already feeling warmth seep into my skin through my jacket at his presence. The pulse which had calmed down only seconds ago, was racing again.

Desperate.

The voice spat inside my head, vile and hungry, bitter and condescing, far away, and achingly close. I closed my eyes, the echo of it still painful...and I wasn't there anymore.

He looked sideways at me, uncut, dirty platinum hair falling in his razor-like eyes. "Desperate." He spat at me, the air around him filled with the acrid smell of smoke, and leaned forward, flicking open the lighter in his scarred hand.

I stepped back, anger and defiance thrumming just beneath the cage of my skin. I burned, under my bones and the tightening of my muscles. I burned.

"Fuck you," I snarled at him, balling my shaking fists, but he only smiled, a thin, cunning smile that made him look like a killer. He was one, after all.

"You wouldn't, sweetie," He whispered, dropping the lighter. The gleam of it turned into a spark, then a flame, and it turned up from there, spreading, burning, taking my fire along with it...

And my world collapsed.

"Y/N?" Taeyong's worried voice brought me back to the present. "It isn't that concerning, but if it freaks you it that much, I won't talk about it—"

"No, it's okay," I said, taking a deep breath to calm myself. You wouldn't, sweetie. "Don't worry about it."

He nodded, though unconvincingly.

"I won't."

──────

this chapter was so damn long like it was way over 2k. but i thought you guys deserved it, and i really wanted to give you guys something special for my birthday <3 thank you for all the sweet messages, kittens. i really appreciate them <3

but EARLY UPDATE YUP YOU LOVE ME

and of couRse a really happy birthday to the beautiful boy, lee minhyuk <33 honestly? i'm PRIVELIGED to share my birthday with him :') if you don't stan btob yet, trust me, you're missing out.

and lemme just bless you with the full version of the picture in the header:

(and hard Stan's: you haven't even SEEN his chocolate abs—)

p.s. who else isn't ready for the new RV comeback? wendy's whistle note actually killed me in the teaser, idek how amazing the actual song is gonna be shdks

much love,
Manx.