With a displeased attitude, the entire team, consisting of Park, Lazar, Sims and Bell sat together and waited for Hudson to explain himself.

You and the most important three, which implied Adler, Mason and Woods, already knew what was going on.

It wasn't good.

At least not for the American side.

You hadn't been informed about it, but Perseus had stolen an American made nuke and was planning on using it against them. That alone was enough for you to get nervous and work harder on getting Bell's and your ass back to the Soviet side.

But every step you made towards the people you dedicated your entire life to, Adler pulled you back.

Damn this man. He had to go.

But you couldn't. You knew it would hurt. And you still weren't sure if you wanted to endure that pain.

"Woods and Mason will take another mission.", Adler informed as he pulled you aside. "Angel, I know you have your doubts and I will do anything to destroy them. But I need to know why you hesitate. Give me a reason."

You let out a deep breath.

"I told you already.", you crossed your arms in front of your chest. "I'm afraid that if I say yes, I will not be able to return to the person I am supposed to be."

He frowned.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

With a quick glance over your shoulder, you gabbed him by the sleeve of his leather jacket and pulled him into the back of the room, where nobody could listen.

"Russell.", you grabbed his face in a gentle manner. "We both know how hard it is to be us. Like us. You know me better than yourself and I know you better than myself. If we are together, people will come for us."

His hands found yours to give them a gentle squeeze.

He wanted you to touch him, it was visible in his eyes. But Russell wasn't a man who would demand things. Not when they were related to feelings and his needs.

He had always managed to fight them back and keep his desires low. At least when it came to the ones of the heart. But with you it had always been hard.

He wanted you to touch him, because you were the only one that had never seen him as a monster or someone to be pitied. His ex wife had tried to be a good woman, had loved him. They even had tried for children. But she had never touched his scars.

He knew that she had been grossed and scared by them. She had grieved after the handsome man he had once been.

You had never done that because to you, those scars had a deeper meaning.

He appreciated that about you. Russell wasn't an insecure man by no means but even he knew that those scars had done some damage to his playboy image.

You had accepted them, maybe even welcomed them as another quality of his.

That was one reason why he struggled to keep his walls up around you. He didn't want to keep distance.

He couldn't.

"I will do anything to keep you safe.", he tried to reassure you. "Always."

"And I will do anything to save you.", you whispered.

"Then stop running. I won't let you escape."

A gentle huff escaped you.

"You really think I run because I'm scared, don't you?"

His eyebrows moved.

"Then why are you running?", his hands sunk down to find your face and caress it gently.

A bitter smile appeared on your face. You had to squeeze your eyes shut to fight the urge to scream out loud.

"Because I'm protecting you.", you whispered and breathed a kiss to his lips.

The touch was still so soft, so gentle, that you wished to feel more of him again.

You two had spend a few intimate times with each other, both on and off missions. It had always felt like you were the asshole that had torn his marriage apart. Yet again, he had never been thrilled to marry her.

Adler let out a soft breath.

The warmth stroked your skin like a kiss of the wind.

He still smelled so familiar and even though it was a strange smell, so harsh and unpleasant for most, it was the biggest source of comfort life had ever granted you.

"I wish I could do more to help you understand.", you mumbled and pressed your forehead against his. "But this is all I can give you. And you should know I'm only doing this because hurting you scares me. But being with you scares me more."

You wanted to slip away.

You had to. Your heart was beating like crazy. It felt like it would shatter any moment if you wouldn't run away.

But he held you back. His grip tightened and for a moment it seemed like he would rather die than let go.

"(Y/N).", he never called you by your name.

Never.

But as his rough, smooth voice said this godforsaken name out loud, a soft whimper escaped you. Your nails dug into his jacket.

"Don't!", you gasped.

"You don't give me a lot of options."

"You're getting yourself in trouble, Russell."

"Then so be it. Because I can rely on you."

That hurt. It hurt so much you wanted to die.

Slowly, you turned again, reached out and took his glasses.

His eyes appeared. Those beautiful, flawed eyes of his. So hard, yet so soft for you in their own, disturbed kind of way.

You loved those eyes more than anything.

And that fact alone was enough to make you realise it was too late. You were about to loose.

"I hate to say things like that.", he started, eyes locked with yours, refusing to give you the opportunity to avoid him.

Like a maniac who tried to deny the obvious, you shook your head.

"Then don't say it.", you advised him.

"But I want to. And I know you need to hear it."

"Russell."

"(Y/N). I'm not weak. But with you by my side things would be so much easier. Please. Grant me that little bit of rest."

"As what? A friend?"

"Or a futile love. Either way. Stay with me till the end."

If only he would have know that the end he was talking about was closer than you two wanted it to be.