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The Matrix – Rescuing Ozpin

"So, how do you think people like Oscar and Ruby would fight in the Matrix?" Zack asked.

"Wouldn't they fight like normal people?" Clover asked.

"Of course not," Roman said. "Normalcy is for chumps!"

"I mean, they know the world isn't real," Weiss said.

"Pretty sure there are some rules you can't break," Blake said. "Like gravity."

"Accursed gravity," Nora said. "Your oppression knows no bounds."

"So, how many rules do they bend or ignore when fighting?" Ozpin asked.

"As many as they possibly can," Zack answered.

"Figured as much," Glynda said.

"Ok," Cardin said from his place handling their entry into the Matrix. "What do you need? Besides a miracle."

"Guns, lots of guns," Oscar said inside the Construct.

Cardin got to work and entered several commands.

Ruby walked towards Oscar as rows upon rows of weapon racks sped past them.

The weapon racks stopped, and Oscar went to pick out some guns.

Ruby drooled. "You sure know the best places to take a girl."

"Wasn't that hard to figure out," Oscar said. "I know what the ladies like."

"Didn't I say that before?" Qrow said.

"And he's stealing it," Junior said. "The best form of flattery."

"Well, at least he figured out what she likes," Yang said.

"Yang, everyone here knows what she likes," Jaune said.

"Who needs that many guns?" Winter said in disbelief.

"Blasphemy," Summer said. "You can never have too many guns."

"I wonder why they don't have anything more futuristic there," Robyn said.

"They need to stick to the time period," Zack said. "It's still the 90s in the Matrix, after all."

"Could be worse," Nicolas said. "Could be the 60s."

"Damned hippies," Port grumbled.

"Oscar," Ruby said.

Oscar turned towards her, picking up a submachine gun.

"No one has ever done anything like this," Ruby said.

"That's why it's going to work," Oscar said, then cocking the safety.

"I swear I've heard that before," Raven said.

"Third year, drug busting mission in Vale," Tai said.

"How was I supposed to know those packages were so fragile!" Summer said.

"It wasn't even my semblance acting up for once," Qrow said.

"Oum, I hope their children have better luck with their missions," Glynda prayed.

"You'll need a lot more than prayers for that to work," Oobleck said. "Remember the train?"

"Gods never listen anyway," Salem said.

Agent Ironwood sat down next to Ozpin. Ozpin showed clear signs of torture with several pads on his head while Ironwood was in a typical man in black suit.

"I'm the villain in this?" Ironwood said.

"You're what we call an Agent," Zack said. "Sentient programs that kill people like Ozpin and Oscar to make sure the Matrix functions as normal."

"I thought the good guys dressed in black," Nora said.

"They still do," Zack said.

"Ruby was rocking that killer outfit," Coco said.

"It actually didn't look too different from what a dominatrix would wear," Ilia said.

"And how would you know that?" Sienna said.

Ilia turned pink and kept her mouth shut.

"Well, guess Ruby has a hidden side to her," Ren said as Ruby turned as red as her cape.

"It's all Blake's fault!" Ruby blamed immediately. "She left her books out and I got curious!"

"BLAKE!!!" Yang yelled, her eyes red and hair was aflame.

"My baby girl lost her innocence..." Tai mumbled as he tried to deny the truth. "No... it can't be..."

"Great, now I can never look at her the same," Velvet said.

"Can you hear me, Ozpin?" Ironwood asked as Ozpin raised his head. "I'm going to be honest with you." He took off his sunglasses and earbud.

"I... hate this place. This... zoo. This prison. This... reality. Whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer."

"Well, someone doesn't like his workplace environment," Willow said.

"You should see the SDC mines," Adam said. "Then you can talk."

"It's the smell. If there is such a thing. I feel... saturated by it."

Ironwood wiped his hand on Ozpin's head. "I can... taste your stink. Every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it. It is repulsive." Ironwood pushed his hand into Ozpin's nose. "Isn't it?"

"Yikes," Clover said. "It's almost like you hate them."

"Well... makes sense," Ghira said. "He's a computer program in a world full of ignorant humans."

"At least he hasn't taken to calling them meat bags," Kali said.

"That would be... unprofessional," Penny said.

Ironwood grabbed Ozpin's head with both his hands. "I must get out of here. I must get free. And in this mind is the key I need. Once Zion is destroyed, there's no need for me to be here. Do you understand?"

Ozpin glared at Ironwood.

"I need the codes," Ironwood said. "I have to get inside Zion. And you have to tell me how. You're going to tell me, or you're going to die."

"You're not getting them," Salem sighed. "The man's as stubborn as a mule." Seriously, who kept their mouth shut while he was sinking in slow acting acid?

"Speaking from experience?" Hazel asked.

"Yes," Salem said.

"Well, couldn't let you get the Relics now, could I?" Ozpin said.

Music played as someone walked into the lobby of the building they were in.

The black clad man, Oscar placed a bag inside an X-ray scanner manned by several security guards and proceeded to walk through a metal detector.

The metal detector sounded, and a guard went to check him.

"Please remove any metallic items you may be carrying," the guard said. "Keys, loose change..."

Oscar opened up his coat, showing a shit ton of guns.

"Holy shit!" Cardin said.

"Yeah, I'd say that's more than just some loose change," Saphron said.

"Adequate," Qrow said.

"Adequate?" Amber said. "He's packing more heat than some settlements and you say it's adequate?"

"He doesn't have a shotgun on him," Sun said.

"I'd say the automatic weapons more than make up for it," Pyrrha said.

"Should have brought a rocket launcher," Nora said.

"Yeah, I don't think that coat is big enough to hide it," Oscar said.

"Holy shit," the guard said before being hit by Oscar's palm, downing him in one blow.

Oscar wasted no time in gunning down the remaining guards with two submachine guns, ducking into cover as soon as he was out of bullets.

"Backup!" the surviving guard said into his walkie talkie. "Send backup."

The metal detector sounded, and Ruby emptied an entire clip into the surviving guard before he could bring his gun up.

"Men, always leaving the women to clean up their mess," Cinder said.

"You missed one," Ruby said.

"I saved him for you," Oscar said.

"That's sweet of him," Summer said.

"Always leave someone for your partner to shoot," Raven agreed. "Wouldn't want them to feel left out."

"You people are weird in the head," Whitley said.

"That's why they excel at being hunters," Robyn said.

Ruby grabbed the bag and threw away the empty gun, Oscar doing the same and taking out two more guns.

A squad of soldiers rushed into the lobby and took positions against the two.

"Freeze!"

"Hmm, this is usually when I slaughter all of them," Tyrian said.

"Does anyone respond to that?" Miltia said.

"Usually they do the opposite," Melanie said.

"Only when the ones being asked to freeze are normal mooks," Port said. "Otherwise the response is to beat up all the police sent after them."

"Now, Port," Ozpin said. "It's not the police's fault that hunters don't usually pursue a career in law enforcement after graduation."

"Can you blame them?" Emerald said. "All the paperwork just for catching a pick pocket."

"And how would you know that?" Mercury said.

"Let's just say I wasn't always as good as I am now," Emerald said.

Oscar and Ruby looked at each other before going to opposite sides of the lobby. Ruby dropping the bag as the soldiers fired at them while Oscar fired back.

Ozpin took cover behind a pillar, discarding his empty guns and taking out a pair of machine pistols.

Ruby walked up a wall and used it to flip behind cover. Seeing a soldier reloading near her, Ruby got out of cover and kicked his gun away. Two more kicks saw to it that he was out of the fight. She soon ducked back into cover as a soldier with a shotgun fired at her.

"Ah, a Ruby that knows how to fight without an oversized gardening tool," Yang said.

"Don't you bad mouth my baby!" Ruby said.

"How did you walk on that wall anyway?" Neptune asked.

"I told physics to take the day off," Ruby said.

"Understandable," Oobleck said.

"Does physics even exist there?" Jaune said. "How do we know physics aren't something the machines came up with to keep us grounded?"

"Who knows," Zack said.

Oscar waited until the fire coming at him had reduced before coming out from behind his pillar. With his machine pistols, he took out one, then a second then finally a third soldier.

"You know, you'd think one of the soldiers would get lucky and score a hit by now," Mercury said.

"Getting killed by grunts?" Adam said. "Please, like that's going to happen."

"Are they even really dead?" Winter said. "This is all just an artificial reality after all."

"Death in the Matrix means death in the real world," Zack said.

"But, it's not real," Ironwood said.

"The mind makes it real," Zack said.

Across the lobby, the soldier with the shotgun fired at Oscar.

Ruby seeing that he was distracted, moved over to him and kicked his shotgun into her hands. She fired, killing the soldier with his former weapon.

Firing it at one more soldier, she got back into cover as the other soldiers fired at her again.

"Nice," Blake said.

"Come on, Ruby," Pyrrha said. "You can't let the new guy beat you."

"Let him have this," Ruby said. "Grunts are always plentiful."

"I wish," Junior grumbled.

Oscar ran, still firing his machine pistols while being fired at. Throwing away the now empty guns, Oscar somersaulted and grabbed a rifle on the floor. Still somersaulting, Oscar took down two more soldiers by firing while upside down.

"Never heard of reloads?" Vernal said.

"Who has time for that?" Qrow said. "Why reload when there are plenty of loaded weapons lying about."

"Cause you never know if the gun you just picked up still has any bullets left," Summer said.

"Like that's ever going to happen," Tai said.

Oscar threw away the empty rifle and unholstered a pair of machine pistols. A surviving soldier fired at his position, before Oscar got out of cover and fired back, suppressing the soldier.

The soldier was soon gunned down by Oscar, who then did a flying double kick to take out the last soldier.

Ruby dropped her shotgun and grabbed the bag. The two entered the elevator, not a speck of dust on them.

The elevator door closed, leaving behind a destroyed lobby filled with bullet holes, weapons, bodies and destroyed tiles.

"Oum, two guys did all that," Saphron said.

"It's glorious!" Tyrian said. "A wonderful massacre!"

"That's not a compliment, is it?" Oscar said.

"It never is," Hazel said.

"They're trying to save you," Agent Brown said to Ozpin when he went to inform Ironwood of the situation.

Oscar attached himself to the elevator cable, then shot one of the cables holding the elevator up.

Ruby grabbed on to Oscar, who looked up.

Oscar shot the last cable, causing the elevator to fall to the ground.

He and Ruby were sent up, the counterweight falling to the ground as well.

As soon as the elevator slammed into the ground, the bomb inside blew up, destroying the lobby.

"Well, if that place wasn't a wreck before, it is now," Watts said.

"Hmm, this explosion seems... too small," Nora said.

"How much bigger do you need it to be?" Ren said, pale.

"An explosion every ten minutes wouldn't be too bad," Nora said.

"What is this, a Michael Bay movie?" Zack mumbled.

"I don't think explosions is the main attraction of this world," Jaune said. "Slow motion effects, that's what it's all about."

"The slow motion was pretty epic," Sun said.

With the agents and Ozpin, the lights went out and the sprinklers activated.

"Find them and destroy them," Ironwood ordered.

"I repeat! We are under attack!" a helicopter pilot said into his headset.

Oscar and Ruby were taking out the remaining soldiers on the roof guarding the helicopter.

The pilot was taken over by Agent Brown, his clothes changing into the suit all agents wore with sunglasses and earbud.

"It's a body snatcher!" Nora cried.

"That's how agents manifest in the Matrix," Zack said. "By taking over pre-existing people."

"Hmm, that means anyone and everyone could be an agent," Ozpin said.

"So, everyone is a suspect," Glynda said. "Wonderful."

Oscar fired at one soldier, not noticing another behind him getting up.

Ruby threw the knife she liberated from a soldier at him, killing the soldier before he could shoot Oscar.

Agent Brown got out of the helicopter, Ruby noticing him and feeling a sense of dread building up.

Oscar turned around and fired at the agent with his two pistols.

The agent moved at impossible speeds to dodge the incoming fire, none of the shots connecting until Oscar ran out of bullets.

"Did I mention agents are heads and shoulders above people like Ruby here?" Zack said.

"Did he just dodge bullets!" Weiss said.

"That's impossible!" Clover said.

"It's the Matrix," Zack said. "What is possible is up to the program."

"Well, let's hope no one ever thinks about hacking it or introducing a virus," Ilia said.

"Ruby!" Oscar yelled as the agent aimed his weapon at Oscar. "Help!"

Oscar ducked back from the agent's bullets, matching the agent's speed in dodging bullets. However, he was not fast enough and two bullets grazed him.

"Hax! I call hax!" Weiss said.

"Hmm, looks like Oscar is playing with cheat codes," Neptune said.

"How did you do that?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know," Oscar said.

"That looks so cool," Summer said.

"Dodging bullets isn't normal I take it?" Watts said.

"Unfortunately," Zack said.

Oscar was on the floor as the agent walked up to him.

"Only human," the agent said, aiming his gun at Oscar.

A gun was placed next to the agent's head.

"Dodge this," Ruby said.

Ruby fired, killing the agent. His body fizzled out, leaving behind the body of the pilot he took over.

"Ruby, Ruby, Ruby," Qrow said. "What have I taught you about delivering one liners?"

"Uh... to do it after you take down the enemy?" Ruby said.

"You're lucky the agent didn't move," Raven said.

"Too focused on Oscar to react, probably," Summer said.

Ruby helped Oscar up.

"How did you do that?" Ruby asked.

"Do what?" Oscar said.

"You moved like they do," Ruby said. "I've never seen anyone move that fast."

Oscar looked at his wounds. "Wasn't fast enough."

"Wasn't fast enough," Roman snorted. "He can dodge bullets and thinks he isn't fast enough. What's next? Stopping them in mid-air?"

"Don't tempt fate now," Jaune said.

"That's probably not going to happen," Cinder said.

Oscar pointed at the helicopter. "Can you fly that thing?"

Ruby took off her sunglasses. "Not yet." She took out a phone.

"Operator," Cardin said.

"Cardin, I need a pilot program for a Bell 212 helicopter," Ruby said. "Hurry."

Cardin got to work and downloaded the knowledge into Ruby's brain.

Ruby's eyes flickered as she received the knowledge. "Let's go."

The two entered the helicopter.

"Please don't let her inherit her mother's piloting skills," Raven prayed.

"Hey, it was all Qrow's fault!" Summer said. "How else could a flock of birds just suddenly appear in our path and end up destroying our Bullhead's engines."

"They can learn new skills that quickly?" Cardin said.

"Man, imagine if we could do that," Sun said. "No more classes for us."

"All for the cheap price of having various entry ports grafted onto your skin," Zack said.

"You know, that sounds a lot less appealing now," Yatsuhashi said.

Agent Brown opened the door to Ozpin's interrogation room and re-joined the other two agents.

The agents looked outside as they heard the sound of a helicopter's rotors.

The helicopter, piloted by Ruby, had Oscar manning the minigun aimed right at the agents.

"No," Ironwood said.

Oscar opened fire at them, killing all three agents and somehow avoided hitting Ozpin in the crossfire.

"Wait, how did all that fire miss Ozpin?" Hazel said.

"Luck?" Oscar said.

"Skill," Coco said.

"Oh yeah, you did that once," Velvet said.

"I still can't believe you managed to avoid hitting anyone when we had to clear Grimm out of a room," Fox said.

"What can I say," Coco said. "A minigun is a weapon that takes certain talent to handle well."

"Here I thought using a minigun was to put as many bullets down range as possible," Clover said.

The agents soon respawned in the bodies of the soldiers guarding the room outside.

"Ozpin, get up," Oscar said. "Get up, get up!"

Ozpin raised his head, the agents finishing their takeover of the soldier's bodies outside.

"That's still creepy," Saphron said.

"Can they even be permanently killed?" Willow asked.

"Not really," Zack said.

With a yell, Ozpin broke the handcuffs restraining him. Pulling off the various pads on him, he stood up.

The door opened and the agents saw Ozpin free himself.

Wasting no time, Ozpin ran for the helicopter while Ironwood took aim through the wall.

One of the bullets hit Ozpin in the leg just as he was about to make the jump, making him stumble.

"Yes, fall!" Hazel cheered.

"Sorry, Ozpin," Ironwood said.

"It's not like it was actually you who shot me," Ozpin said.

"That can change," Zack mumbled.

"He's not going to make it!" Oscar realized.

Oscar tied himself to the helicopter's rescue strop and jumped just as Ozpin did, catching him. "Got you!"

"That was close," Glynda said.

"Yes, if he missed, Ozpin would have become a pancake," Port said.

"Pancake!" Nora said.

"Not that kind of pancake," Pyrrha said.

"Down, girl," Ren said.

"Aww..." Nora said.

Ruby, seeing that Oscar had Ozpin, started flying them up and away.

Ironwood walked towards the shattered windows and fired at the helicopter.

The panels in the helicopter started beeping warnings and Ruby hurriedly flew them lower so they could safely get off.

"Couldn't make it easy for me, could you?" Ruby groaned.

"Hey, at least your piloting skills are already better than your mothers," Tai said.

"No one is letting me live that down, are they," Summer mumbled.

"Well, it was quite memorable," Oobleck said.

Oscar dropped Ozpin, who landed on the roof of a building.

Oscar dropped down as well, Ruby checking if he landed safely.

Oscar held onto the rope tied to him as Ruby began losing control. "Ruby..."

Oscar looped the rope around him and was dragged towards the edge of the roof as the helicopter fell.

Ruby got out of the pilot's seat and grabbed the rope, shooting out the part connected to the helicopter.

Oscar was almost sent off the edge but managed to find his footing and pulled at the rope as Ruby swing away from the helicopter.

The helicopter crashed into a building next to them and exploded.

"Why did the helicopter explode?" Robyn asked. "It wasn't even carrying any missiles."

"Same reason vehicles always explode," Jaune said. "The cool factor."

"Explosions are good civilization," Nora agreed.

"And the way the windows moved like a wave when the helicopter crashed into it?" Blake asked.

"The system was processing the change," Nora said.

"I knew it," Cardin said. "He's the One."

Oscar began pulling Ruby up, Ozpin joining them.

"Do you believe it now, Ruby?" Ozpin said.

"Well, he did just do the impossible," Ruby said.

"That was pretty awesome," Oscar said.

"Hey, what's wrong with the screen?" Jacques asked.

Zack looked at it and paled. "I feared this moment would come."

On the screen, a red and black mask appeared.

"But how did he circumvent my security?" Zack mumbled as he checked. Yup, security was still active.

"You thought you could deny me forever!" the speakers yelled. "But the hero the world deserves is coming up next!"

"Oh, fuck you, DP!" Zack insulted. "You know what, I'm calling you DS from now on. Deadshit!"

"That warms my unkillable heart," the speakers replied.

"What's going on?" Ironwood asked.

"Whoever this guy is, I like him," Tyrian said.

"Of course you would," Zack sighed.

"Also, you were prepared for me, but you forgot about a certain mask created by the god of mischief," the speaker said.

Zack paled. That fucker with a mask that brought cartoon physics into reality? The multiverse was doomed.

"I resent that!"

"Oh, go teabag Ironwood!" Zack yelled back.

"I did! And I liked it!"

"Say what?" Ironwood said.

Zack sighed. "Fuck it. Here's the next one. If you haven't figured out who it is, you are not a man of culture."

"Who are you saying that too?" Glynda asked.

"The readers, who else?" Nora said.

"Huh?"

"Normal people," Jaune scoffed. Hmm, he wondered if he could still access Gilgamesh's treasury. There was bound to be something that could kill that mongrel.

"Hah! Many have tried! Yet I still live!"

"We shall see," Jaune said. "We shall see."