The popcorn, the special iherb low fat, low salt, low everything, popcorn, wasn't sitting right in Will's stomach. He wandered between the living room and the kitchen a few times, checking the box for more information on the ingredients. There wasn't anything that he hadn't had before. Maybe because he had it on an empty stomach? No, Will dismissed the thought. It wasn't like popcorn was pills to be taken on a full stomach.

Will sat in front of the TV, rubbing his bloating abdomen. He could smell the popcorn in the air. It didn't smell right. He opened up all the windows and settled again. He wished there were candles, or—wait, Gabriel's place always smelled like lavender, and that didn't come from nowhere. He searched the drawers in the kitchen, and found incense sticks. Another search and he found the bowl of sand to stick them in on the coffee table in the living room. Will lit two and sat down once more.

Soon, the smell was masked.

Will wanted to text Gabriel about his dinner with Henry and Charlie, though he wasn't sure what he'd say exactly. I met up with your family and friends and apparently looked miserable for the whole thing? I met up with your family and friends, and couldn't fit in at all? He couldn't tell Gabriel he was certain they both hated him. Well, maybe not Henry, he seemed to like that Will was sporty. But Charlie didn't like him. And he always made Will feel like he was a child somehow. Will couldn't even pin down why it happened, but it was the way Charlie looked at him when he spoke—as if he were seeing straight through him.

Will squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back, discomfort filling his body. All he could smell was lavender, and it wasn't helping.

"Fucksake." Will muttered, digging out his phone. It was his first time trying out this popcorn, and it was definitely going to be the last. He googled reviews for the iherb special popcorn. It ranged from people praising the brand, to people calling it bland and tasteless. He sprang up, marched into the kitchen, and tossed the rest of the packs into the bin. Next he threw out the uneaten seeds, washed the bowl twice, then took out the only half-full bin. The popcorn was gone from the apartment. All that was left was what he'd eaten.

Will went into the bathroom, and he paced the space between the toilet and the bathtub. It wasn't sitting right. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was familiar. Will cursed again. He paced and paced, trying to get rid of the feeling.

"Shit, Kyle." Will had to grab his phone from the living room and return to the bathroom. Feeding a kid with an eating disorder something that would make him sick was worse than bad. It was bad bad. He text, asking if Kyle felt sick. He was wondering if he should call Laragh about it when Kyle replied.

Kyle: I feel fine so would you back off? Just because I agreed to watch a movie with you doesn't mean I'm dying.

Will: So you aren't sick?

Kyle: No.

Will read it again. Was Kyle just pretending? Was he lying? Will rubbed his abdomen, feeling how it was sitting wrong again, pushing out. He sat on the edge of the tub and tapped his heel on the floor. He was really hot. He could get fresh air in the kitchen, but that would mean leaving the toilet behind. The last thing Will wanted to do was get sick on Gabriel's floor. Gabriel. Will checked the time—grimaced. He wasn't due home for another hour, at least.

Will eyed the toilet bowl, only to leap up and tear his gaze away. He took his phone and his keys and was on the road before he'd decided where he was going. Anywhere was better than an empty house. He battled with that sick feeling the entire drive, but didn't give into it. He followed the main road into the western side of the city and ended up parked outside the youth centre he'd visited with Kyle in the past.

Will eyed up the windows on the front of the building. The last time he was there he read on their door they were open all night, providing a safe place for kids who, for whatever reason, couldn't, or wouldn't go home. Inside, the rec room was almost empty, but not quite. One girl who looked to be about thirteen or fourteen lounged on an enormous beanbag in front of the TV playing the play-station. Even from the doorway, Will could see dark bruises on the girl's arms.

"Hello. William, isn't it?" Grace, the friendly nurse from before, greeted him.

"Hi, just Will is okay." He put his hands into his pockets and tried not to wonder at what she thought about him dropping in this late. Would she guess that something was wrong with him? She saw kids with issues every single day and night. Although Will wasn't a kid anymore, even if he felt like one. "I was wondering if PG was still up, and if she's in the mood for visitors?"

Grace's warm brown eyes betrayed no surprise at his request. She smiled. "I'm certain she'd love the company." She gestured for Will to follow her down the hall into the clinic. "I'll bring you both some tea and biscuits."

PG was watching something on her laptop when Will went in. She greeted him with a smile. They didn't talk about much. Movies and tv shows. Music for a long while. An hour later, after PG had drank her tea and biscuits and Will could stomach nothing, Grace caught his eye with a wave. He nodded and stood up.

"Did you have something to ask me?" PG, realising that he wasn't going to finish his chocolate digestives, was nibbling on one of his. Her eyes were soft. All of her was soft.

Her presence made his skin itch. "Why did you do it?" He asked. "So many times? I mean, from what I've heard you have a nice family, and you have your music..." he trailed off, because her expression didn't change at all when he asked, even though he felt like this was a topic one should get bothered about.

"I don't know how to be happy," PG said.

Will's lips pressed tight together. She must have seen how much he didn't like her answer, because she lowered the biscuit. "Are you happy?"

Will thought of his night at Dune's house, and what he'd told him then. Getting it out in the open had felt liberating, but that relief had been short lived. Because nothing had changed. Acknowledging that he wasn't good, telling Dune, telling Gabriel, hadn't changed anything. "In general, no. Not really."

"Why not?"

He was silent too long, and PG shrugged. "See? Sometimes you just don't know why."

"I should be."

"Because you have a nice family, and you have your volleyball?"

Nice friends, but they were his family. Will frowned. She was comparing them on purpose. Was she doing it just to make him uncomfortable? He checked her eyes, steady on him. There was no malice, and nothing vindictive in that gaze. Maybe there was a bit of curiosity? PG lifted the biscuit. "For the longest time I didn't want to kill myself. I just thought it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I say... choked? Got hit by a car, fell onto train tracks..."

"What changed?"

"I don't know," PG said.

Grace knocked at the door. Will buried his hands in his pockets, turning from PG.

"Sorry hon, it's getting late." Grace cast Will an apologetic smile.

Will left, trying to sort out his head, but it seemed like an utter lost cause at this point. His body was uncomfortable. His mind burned, and wouldn't settle on one thought long enough for Will to fully make sense of a single idea. He felt like shit, and he didn't even know why. Because he couldn't get along with Charlie? That wasn't a good enough reason to be stuck pacing around the toilet, trying not to throw up. Because he forgot his bag?

Will stopped halfway across the tiled bathroom. He went to the hall, the spot where he always left his sports things. Aside from hanging coats, there was nothing. In a flurry, Will had the entire apartment searched. He checked every kitchen cabinet, drawer, dresser, and cupboard. He investigated underneath the beds and couches on his hands and knees. He even went into the spare bedroom, but the untouched room wasn't hiding his things.

Will heard the lock in the door and was in Gabriel's path before he could step into the apartment.

Gabriel smiled at him, "Hey—"

"Do you know where my bag is?"

Gabriel's smile faltered. He raised his eyebrows and slid his brown leather sachet off his shoulder to place it on the ground. He stepped into the apartment, Will was slow to realise he was in his way. He took a step back, and Gabriel was able to get the door closed. Impatience burned through him as Gabriel clicked the lock shut. What was that look in his eye? Was he remembering where the bag was gone? Had he moved it? Would it be in Gabriel's car for any reason?

"I don't know." Gabriel looked sideways at Will. "I'm sure it was here last night. Did you forget it at the gym?"

"How sure are you I had it?"

Will eyed Gabriel's raised hand, watching as he placed his palm against Will's forehead. "Pretty sure," Gabriel said. "Do you feel okay? You're very flushed."

Will did feel a little warm, but that was undoubtedly because of his frantic search. With difficulty, he tried to grapple that manic feeling inside him. Except, this didn't feel like something that he could deal with internally. It needed an external solution, like finding his bag. "I was running just now," Will shot out the white lie, more interested in the problem at hand. "Did you see it this morning?"

"See what—oh the bag, no Will, I haven't seen it." Gabriel frowned. "Can I take your temperature? You're not usually this out of breath after running, are you?" He moved toward the kitchen and went to the cabinet above the fridge to get a thermometer. Gabriel closed several cabinet doors that had been flung wide open. "I'm sure neither of us would leave the bag with the glasses."

Will put his hands onto his hips, squeezing his sides. Chill out. Please, please, he begged himself, just calm the fuck down. He turned his back and condensed breathing exercises he'd done with Laragh into three seconds. That was all he got before Gabriel was pressing a gentle hand to his lower back. "Did you have it at training?"

"No."

"I'm guessing you've already checked your car. Open up." Gabriel put the thermometer under Will's tongue. "That leaves the trip to the car. You might have left it on the curb, or it got swiped from the car. Did you leave it in the car alone at any point?"

Will needed a second to remember, but he nodded.

"Was the car unlocked?"

Will shook his head. When he'd left it open later, the bag was already gone.

"Maybe the curb? In which case, it's almost certainly gone for good." Gabriel said, and the thermometer beeped. Gabriel checked the numbers.

Having to keep his mouth shut and only listen to Gabriel's calm voice had helped Will's heart to settle down. His pulse no longer throbbed in his temples. "If this was back home, it would still be where I left it."

"If this was in your home town, I wouldn't ever bother locking the front door," Gabriel agreed. "Your temperature is up."

"Exercising does that," Will pointed out. He wasn't out of breath anymore, so he was probably more convincing now.

Gabriel nodded, "Let me know if you start to feel sick. I have work tomorrow, but the day after, do you want to head into town to replace what was in the bag?"

"It's only really the shoes I'm going to miss, and Vinny sorted me out with a new pair. It's okay." Will said. "It's not a big deal." It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. He turned to Gabriel and took note of his concerned gaze. "How was work?" Will feigned a casual tone, "I almost gave up waiting up for you."

"I was on a roll with the midterms, it's only submitting the results I have left to do." He cast Will a warm smile. "I'll be completely free to see your match this weekend. Sarah's really excited, my sister was telling me she's been talking about seeing you all week."

Will did his best to match his smile. "I'm looking forward to seeing her too."