Selfish.

Immediately, the thought flitted into his skull, and he tried his best to push it away. He knew that it was maybe a little selfish. Maybe a little, but it was fine because he had a hard life as it was. And Cougarstar's life was easy, so he just... was being unreasonable.

Your life is so easy! You have a wonderful Clan who constantly does things to ensure that everyone lives and doesn't die. You have a nice tom who loves you. How dare you?

It was only his brain making up dumb things. If he said one thing wrong, then he'd easily be cast out of the Clan and probably to die out in the snow alone. And even more so, if anyone said one thing wrong, they, too, would be cast from the Clan. So it wasn't wonderful. Was it?

And the tom who loved him did love him. I know that. A small spark of guilt filled him at the momentary thought that entered his skull. Now I do. Of course, he knew that the tom had always loved him but it had just been scary and uncertain... he wasn't allowed to love him; neither of them was allowed to love each other. So it's not wonderful.

I'm just making things up.

It had to be great because if it wasn't, then why was everyone so happy and nice within it? Yet this thought was quickly destroyed for it simply made no sense. Cats have to be unhappy in SageClan. Every high rank is so mean. The two dark-furred healers popped into his skull and he supposed that they were an exception.

But what if I'm wrong? What if this is a good Clan?

Anxiety continued to fill him, as though he were a bottle and the constant worry was some form of liquid. Perhaps melted snow, and all the things around caused it to snow all the time, no matter the weather outside. His ears harshly twitched as he looked down at his paws, attempting to take a deep breath as though to calm the now-swift stirring within his belly.

And in the million moments that all of this seemed to run its track throughout his skull, it was only a mere few seconds in reality. All that was within his head seemed to be a lot slower than what was actually happening yet as he looked up once more, he saw Cougarstar once more.

Their gazes met and Adderheart had no choice but to level it, attempting to conceal his off-pace breathing, attempting to conceal the clear concern in his dark gray gaze, attempting to conceal anything that the leader would have disagreed with. And apparently, it worked.

"I'll go and look," claimed Marigoldcry immediately, stepping forward with her thick-furred chin rise. Her bright yellowy-amber gaze sharpened as she allowed it to drift and meet Cougarstar's, the tom's focus soon enough snapping away to settle on the she-cat.

"Palewhisker, get her a patrol," the leader ordered with an approving dip of his skull. The tom mentioned lifted his own head and tipped it before he swiftly rose to his paws. "Fernfall, you lead one as well."

"Dustshade," Palewhisker started, looking around for the warrior. He was seated near the exit of the camp, likely due to his patrol. When had he come back? "And Fluffyflame, Swallowripple, and Streamfang. All of you are on Marigoldcry's patrol. You are to look for prey near the borders and the camp."

All four cats rose diligently, and all the more seemed to shift. Everything was moving and shifting around Adderheart yet he couldn't grasp onto anything. His own thoughts slipped by too quickly, his paws felt like two slabs of ice, and his back was strictly straightened.

"Pantherleap, lead a patrol," Cougarstar ordered as he slipped around the tom, and Adderheart immediately looked over. The senior warrior rose to his paws with a small exhale and looked around. Only that was able to melt the ice beneath him a little. Only that name was able to steady his thoughts for half a moment.

"Can I decide my own patrol?"

"Sure, just look for the camp, got it?" Cougarstar continued after a momentary pause, striding confidently around the camp as he tossed a sharp look to Palewhisker.

The deputy called, "Russetpelt, Freckletuft, Mudstripe, and Bumblepuddle, you're all on Fernfall's patrol."

Russetpelt rose to his paws first and it was at that moment that Adderheart could see several cuts and scratches littered upon his pelt. Briefly, he wondered why the tom was being picked for yet another patrol where he had gotten injured previously. He failed to understand the logic, but often there was no logic to understand.

Suddenly, Pantherleap's presence popped into existence beside him.

Adderheart jumped, the words of Cougarstar and Palewhisker fading into a familiar background that only consisted of yelling and shouting. All things focused immediately upon the tom's gaze, so deep and dark and a wonderful green shade that only he could truly make work.

Pantherleap's tail harshly slapped Adderheart's flank, and he snapped upward, immediately springing to his paws. "Come on, you're on my patrol," he told him, eyes narrowing momentarily. "Were you not listening?"

Anxiety quickly sprung up in his throat and dried it out. "I was," he rasped, and immediately he jumped as though he was surprised at his own tone. "I suppose I hadn't heard you," he added, attempting to quell the slight shaking of his voice as he looked to Pantherleap, trying to even his stare. "Who else is on the patrol, then?"

"Should've been listening," Pantherleap muttered, shaking his skull as he cast the warrior a look before taking a few large bounds off toward the exit of the camp. Several of the other patrols were already gathered there, yet Pantherleap was off to the side.

He's just doing it because Cougarstar's here. He's your mate. He loves you.

He attempted to smush the anxiety that continued to swirl within him as he rose to his paws. Finchtansy was standing near him, and he briefly wondered if she was on the patrol because Pantherleap had picked her, or the deputy had cut in. Poppyfur had seated herself beside the she-cat, her ears perked.

Adderheart approached with a mildly curious dark gray gaze but seeing that Poppyfur was insistent on chattering away, the emotion drained from his eyes as Pantherleap whipped his tail as though to call everyone together.

"I find it necessary that we hunt," he started, and immediately a swamp of relief crushed down on the pale tom. They weren't going to look for the rogues... good. That was good. "All three of you are considered good at it, that is why I picked you after all... it shouldn't be too hard."

"I thought we were supposed to look for the rogue's camp," Poppyfur commented curiously.

"We are," Pantherleap answered evenly, turning to look at the she-cat. "But if nobody goes hunting, there won't be any easy way to attack them when we do, because we'll all be starving."

Poppyfur seemed confused still. "But hunting wasn't what we were supposed to do."

"I know that," came the tom's response. He took a short inhale before swishing his tail as though to silence her. "But my concern isn't the camp. I know that one of the other patrols will somehow and inevitably find it because if there's several searching, we don't need another. It'll waste energy."

"What if Cougarstar finds out?" She asked, frowning. "Wouldn't he be mad?"

Well, yeah. But if he doesn't find out, then it's no problem.

"He's bound to find out anyways," Pantherleap answered. "There will be new prey in the camp and he'll notice that unless we give it to cats as soon as we get back."

Oh yeah, Adderheart thought, almost laughing. I forgot about that.

"We can do that if you want," Finchtansy offered. "I don't mind giving prey to others. Willowdapple and her kits probably need some, and I think we could all share something too."

"What about Cougarstar and his mate?" Poppyfur prompted.

"They'll get prey," Finchtansy assured her with a dismissive flick of her tail. Poppyfur nodded as the curiosities drained from her features, seeming satisfied with the answer that was vague as it was.

"We'll split into pairs." Pantherleap looked at all four cats.

Pairs. That was good. That meant that the two could be paired if he wanted them to be. Adderheart wondered if he'd allow the group to choose or just pick himself. He told me that he doesn't want to make anything too obvious. That all my visits... no, that all my... my... He stopped thinking, thoughts trailing off. But if Pantherleap picked all by himself, would he still pair...?

"Adderheart and I can pair together," he stated after a momentary pause, "and you two obviously can pair together." He waved his tail slightly at Poppyfur and Finchtansy.

More and more relief seemed to stack upon Adderheart. If he were an ocean, then the life rafts of relief were suddenly popping up all over its usually dark and cold surface. Pleased, the tom gave a nod but did his best to hide his clearly positive emotions. To the rest of them, Pantherleap was just another warrior, just another cat, just another face in the crowd of those who were unwilling to stand up to Cougarstar.

But little did they all know that, well, it seemed like this patrol was standing up to him all by itself. Adderheart hadn't realized it at first but it had Finchtansy, whose company he enjoyed, and Poppyfur. She was okay overall he supposed, but one of the warriors that talked a lot, and so it would allow him to go silent as she rambled and rambled.

Furthermore, it was only a hunting patrol. All others were for the rogues. Yet the one that Pantherleap had? No. It was hunting. And that was good. Adderheart watched as Poppyfur grinned brightly with a nod forming, and Finchtansy dipped her skull in acceptance to the earlier words.

"Where will we hunt?" Poppyfur questioned after a second's pause. "Near the borders?"

"Likely, yes," Pantherleap evenly replied as he turned to watch the rest of the patrols leave. "We'll let them go first, and you may hunt wherever you want, really. Just remember that you're on a patrol and maybe mark the border a little after you catch something."

"What if we don't find anything?" Poppyfur asked, head tipping.

"You will," he reassured her. "And if you don't, then your partner certainly will. Make sure to look under and in the burrows for prey that's hiding from the cold weather."

"Shall we walk out together?" Adderheart asked, immediately regretting such an action as he looked over to the entrance. Other patrols were still leaving, unable to get things sorted and unable to get all the information correct between each other.

"Just wait until the rest leave," Pantherleap commented, pointing his tail at the entrance once more before he paused, simply waiting.

Silence settled upon the group, thick yet soft as though it was a pleasant blanket. It was one similar to the midday cloth within the sky, soft but dense as it glared down at many of the cats below. Chilly winds skipped by as though they were little kits, playing with each other as they chucked mossballs back and forth.

Yet, the snow around made it hard enough so that they had to hop up and around the banks of snow, and in turn, they bit the paws and the forelegs of the cats around. Shifting momentarily, Adderheart continued to wait for the rest of the groups to finish. It was taking far too long for his liking anyways.

Though there was nothing more to do. All the patrol had to do was wait until they were able to leave, somehow, finally. And eventually, a voice broke into the warrior's train of thought.

"So, where do we think we're going today?"

Cougarstar wove easily around his brother as he stared at the group, his eyes sharp yet almost curious as though he was truly interested in where they were going.

"The border," Poppyfur commented happily. "Pantherleap said we were—"

"—going to explore where all the evidence points to," Pantherleap interrupted, casting an even look at the she-cat. "And you'll have to wait and see if we find where that is."

"Oh, is that so?" Cougarstar commented, carefully slipping to stand in front of the tom. "And what was Poppyfur going to say?"

"Just what he did," she reported with a smile, ears perking.

Adderheart couldn't help but hold his breath, waiting for the leader to figure it out, waiting for something to happen, waiting for something terrible and awful and horrible to happen. He has to know his warrior's skills, right? And he has to know that Poppyfur wouldn't do that. Right? Right?

"Cougarstar!" A call split the clearing, and the leader turned around with a sharp gaze.

Coalbelly stood in the middle of the camp, Twilightcloud positioned behind her. Both dark-furred healers had a carefully concealed expression, one seemingly coated in the darkness of their own pelts, but somehow still illuminated by the brightness of the sun above.

"What?" Cougarstar snapped, turning around to see both healers. Visibly, he grew angrier; his ears flickered harshly before flattening, his green eyes immediately turned into flaming leaves, and his muzzle drew back in half a snarl as he waited for a reply.

"The meeting?" Coalbelly's brown eyes leveled with the leader and the light yellow gaze of her apprentice seemed to even out, too. The leader's fur lifted, and he shook his skull with a strangely powerful harshness.

"I know about the meeting, Coalbelly," he spat in response as though her name was some form of curse against the world. Yet the she-cat didn't flinch and only continued to stare at him, blinking several times.

"I know you know about the meeting, Cougarstar," the healer responded, not allowing her voice to grow nearly as venomous as the leader's had. "But your mate, Bearpatch, and—"

The tom stepped forward, claws unsheathing as he hissed, "I know who's waiting!" Upon seeming to realize he was not alone with just the two healers within the clearing, the leader's lips drew back before he spat out a few final words. "I'll join you in a moment."

However, a swift motion from the leader's den allowed Tinydust to dart out of the den and curl tightly around her mate. She purred before nudging him, and the tom looked down to her, startled as his eyes narrowed.

"Come on to the meeting," she murmured softly, nudging his flank as her spine rose, arching her back in a yawn as she muttered, "I'm tired... can you set up our nest?"

"I'm—" he furiously began.

"Come on, come on," she persisted gently, nuzzling his neck before she licked his ear several times, purring softly. "It'll be a good meeting. I can get you something to eat later," she whispered as she trailed her tail down his spine, as though to calm him.

His back arched immediately yet he didn't stretch; instead, he seemed to rigidly nod, tail swishing behind him before he dipped his skull harshly to the healers. With that, the two padded off into the leader's den, pressed against each other. The dark-furred medics glanced to the empty fresh-kill pile before following.

Pantherleap was swift to lead the group out of camp, and of course, they barely got out of the entrance before Poppyfur began immediately asking questions that seemed to flood from her maw like a river.

"Why was he so angry?"

The question went unanswered.

"And why'd you lie?"

That also went without a reply.

"Hello?"

"Where are we going to find prey?" Finchtansy interrupted, picking her way over a small lump of snow.

Poppyfur frowned at the lack of answers to her continual questioning but didn't say anything else as the group continued, and Pantherleap seemed to consider this for a moment before he replied.

"We can split up to make it easier. Maybe our pawsteps are scaring everything away," he commented, and Adderheart watched as Finchtansy grimaced, but it dissipated instantly.

"Sure," Finchtansy replied, head dipping in a nod. "We can meet up around here?"

"That sounds good," Pantherleap agreed. "See you both later."

The tawny-furred tom launched himself into the bushes, and Adderheart waved his tail in goodbye before following his mate. He was swift to catch up, huffing before he eventually managed to pull himself to an even pace, trotting beside the tom.

Silence enveloped them, but it was a nice, pleasant silence. It was one that shared a million words even though nothing was being spoken, one that shared a million feelings despite not one being explained. And none of said million feelings needed to be explained.

After a while of padding along and scenting the air, Adderheart lightly moved his tail to find that it had curled around Pantherleap's. The tom's tail brushed against his own, tightly curled yet not so much so that it was restricting. Really, it was freeing. His heart skipped a beat as though it was as excited to be alone with the tom as he was.

It was only a little past midday, yet sunlight still dappled both of their pelts. It patterned itself across the rocks that broke through the snow's layer, and it made intricate patterns across the fluffy white substance. Adderheart couldn't smell anything besides Pantherleap's comforting scent, and all he could hear were the pleasant sounds of the pine tree-clad territory, but that didn't matter.

"Have you smelled any prey yet?" Pantherleap's soft question broke the silence.

"No," he breathed in response. "Have you?"

"No," the tom murmured. "All I can smell is your scent."

He seemed to laugh but it swiftly died in his throat, and he stopped in his tracks. Pantherleap noticed and immediately pressed against him, head tipping as he pressed his skull into Adderheart's neck. A small purr rose before it quickly crackled out and he stepped away, stumbling.

"What? What's wrong?"

Adderheart scented the air again and panic continued to spiral up and up within him. Grasping tighter and tighter and planning to never let go, it grew suddenly intense and he lifted a paw harshly, claws unsheathed as he went to grip his skull.

His mate lurched forward and slammed his paw to the ground, and Adderheart jumped as he looked to him. Fear and panic clearly were visible within his dark gray gaze because Pantherleap nudged him to the ground, tightly curling his tail around him.

"What's wrong? You can tell me."

"Just scent... scent the air."

Pantherleap paused to do so, and as soon as he did, he sprung to his paws. Only three words escaped his maw.

"Milkfrost and Vixenfeather."