Where is he?

The tom's gaze swept the clearing, trying to peek up and over the snow. He quickly navigated his way through the snow to ensure that he wasn't in the view of his new mate, which he was still trying to understand. How could have things gone so wrong? Don't you need permission from both sides in order for them to confirm it?

I can't believe this. This is all my fault. I should've never done anything with Pantherleap, I can't like him and I can't even like Willowdapple. His ears flickered harshly, eyes skimping around the clearing. He quickly headed through a couple of tunnels created by the snow, trying to move faster and faster. Maybe then he could distract himself from his mind.

There weren't tops to the tunnels, but the snow atop them had edged outward, making a small overhang. It was strange, because it had already stopped snowing, and the sun had emerged, leaving it to try and melt all the snow that had been dumped on the world. However, this wasn't an easy feat, obviously. It would take a while.

Adderheart's tail lashed as he surveyed the clearing, of what he could see anyways. There weren't that many cats around, though a few were attempting to clear the tunnels of the snow that had slowly piled back up on the bottom. A couple of cats, particularly Runningfoot and Briargaze, was attempting to try and get rid of the walls although. Though, Antwhisper, who was nearby, was advising against it.

He shivered anxiously, ears twitching back and forth.

"You're getting nowhere, Runningfoot!" Antwhisper called to the warrior, shaking his head as he lifted his paws and licked them rapidly as if to warm them up. Carefully, Adderheart looked to the walls near him, panic quickly climbing within him.

I don't want to clear these walls. If he sees me, he's roping me in. I want to talk to Pantherleap.

"It'll be fine," Briargaze called to the tom.

But what if cats know? We keep on leaving camp alone. We can't keep on doing something that's obviously showing our relationship. But I'm sure he knows that. If he knows it's fine...?

"You two are wasting time," came Antwhisper's tone once more. "You're better off hunting."

"Fine," muttered Runningfoot, and a shuffling of pawsteps could be heard before the sound speeding up and appearing to multiply.

If I leave alone, then cats will think I'm going hunting. But they also already know I've been hunting today and I didn't want to go earlier. What if Bearpatch and—

And at that moment, he recalled why Pantherleap wasn't in the clearing. He recalled why the cats were somewhat subdued, more willing to listen to instructions, at least in the case of Runningfoot and Briargaze. His ears flickered sharply and he swallowed somewhat nervously, letting his tail drift upon the ground, where it flicked back and forth.

There's a high rank meeting.

With his tail flickering back and forth behind him in a rather sharp fashion, the pale-furred warrior glanced to the snow beside him, as if he was considering launching himself through the snowy wall to get to the camp wall.

He wasn't going to crash the meeting. Evidently, that would probably be a bad move, though he did want to speak to Pantherleap, and rather soon. So how could he stick around the camp for long enough that wasn't suspicious to onlookers? That wouldn't get warriors calling for him to help? He could always just sit in the snow, but then he'd catch a chill.

Then I'll just go to the healers.

No, that wouldn't work either. The healers were in the meeting, too, and whenever it ended, he'd just make up a new plan. So his plan just consisted of sitting at the edge of the clearing until the meeting was over? That seemed too easy. It seemed as though something had to go wrong. It was too simple of a plan, too easy to be executed, too easy to happen that something had to go wrong.

But right now, it's the only thing I have.

So carefully, he made his way around the many twists of the camp due to the tunnels of snow, edging his way around some of the chilly substance. Eventually, he came along the edge of the clearing but found that it wasn't really cleared away at all. His ears twitched somewhat sharply and he carefully scooped a bit of the snow out, patting it down on the ground.

And just as he was to settle down and wrap his tail around his figure, the meeting ended.

A plethora of hisses and irritable stomps of paws echoed through the clearing as the cats dispersed, and from what he was able to see, the healers immediately darted for their den. Their two dark pelts sprinted from the clearing, starkly different than the white snow around the camp.

Bearpatch appeared not to be upset at all with his mate by his side, and Palewhisker was pleased. Cougarstar and Tinydust were standing within the entrance to the leader's den, looking down on it all. Pantherleap, however, quickly made his way toward the exit and slipped out of it.

Are you serious? Adderheart instantly rose to his paws, almost about to launch himself after the tom, but he quickly pulled back and sunk his claws into the snow beneath his figure. He had to do it strategically. So, logically, the only option was to roll in the snow and cover himself in it. And so that was exactly what the warrior did.

He turned and began to cake himself in snow, hoping that it wouldn't melt. Of course, it did, but not all too quickly, so he was able to work swiftly enough so that he leaped after Pantherleap soon after, completely disguised by the white substance. After shaking his pelt out, he scented the air and was reminded that snow-covered scents, so he looked down to survey pawprints.

So of course, he launched himself after it, quick to try and get to where the tom was. He hoped he was going in the right way. He wasn't willing to turn around, not again, not after going through all that trouble with his pelt and the snow. It had been mildly cold, though he assumed that if he were to have much longer, it would've gotten a lot colder.

And then, he ran straight into Pantherleap.

He easily toppled to the ground, and Pantherleap quickly pulled himself up to his paws and whipped around. His tail whipped and his eyes were trained carefully on Adderheart, tears blurring the edges of his green gaze.

"Why? Why? I thought you loved me. I thought..." He started, trailing off as he lifted a paw and rapidly rubbed at his gaze with the back of his paw. Adderheart stepped forward, shaking his head, though a strong wave of apprehension rose within him.

This isn't allowed. You can't do this.

He had to stop his lip from curling and he shook his head once more as he spoke, "No, Pantherleap, I do. It's not real, she didn't ask me. She loves me, not the other way around."

"That's not what he said," Pantherleap said, bitterness creeping into his tone. He rocked on his paws for a few moments before seeming to topple over, settling down rather uncertainly against the tree behind him. Adderheart's ears flicked sharply.

"He...? He? What did he say?"

"He said she went to him and told him that you both had agreed."

"I thought you needed both cats to say yes. I didn't say yes, I didn't," Adderheart repeated.

What a mess you're in now, huh?

"Then she lied," he snapped. "Because I know you wouldn't say yes."

"I didn't! I promise!"

"Good. Good." Pantherleap's words were firm and sharp, as if making some sort of command. His figure and posture were as proper as could be, though he slouched and lifted a paw to his head. "Sorry, sorry, I... don't know. I don't know."

"I can't get out of it. I don't know how," Adderheart added. Maybe you can figure it out. Because I know I can't.

Pantherleap's ears flickered sharply, anxiety swirling in his gaze, and Adderheart flinched. He wasn't supposed to be the nervous one, but that wasn't the issue. At least, he didn't think it was. They just needed to solve this entire thing.

And continue hiding their relationship, of course. An ever-constant battle, locking the two toms together with their claws permanently unsheathed to protect from lies. And to protect their lies, the ones that they'd spun together, with delicate web that was easy to find but hard to hide.

"What if you stay with her?" Pantherleap mewed softly.

"No, no. No. I can't do that. I'm your mate, I'm meant to be your mate. I can't be with a she-cat when I'm with you," he said instantly, words rushing from his maw like a river that had no rocks to help slow it down. His pelt prickled. This still isn't allowed. You can turn back. You don't have to do this. The thoughts pricked sharper at his mind now, and he pressed his paws firmly against the ground.

"I know. I know, we'll be together," Pantherleap assured him quickly. "I mean it... like a cover-up. What if you stay with her to save your reputation?"

"My reputation doesn't need saving," he answered, shaking his head sharply. "I don't want to. I don't..." He trailed off, struggling to the ground as he wrapped his tail around his figure in a half-attempt to comfort himself. Pantherleap lightly trailed over, patting him on the back with his tail as he pressed against his mate.

"Not that it needs saving... just that it could always use a boost. Cougarstar... he wasn't too happy with you."

"What? What did he say?" Adderheart glanced to the tom, lifting a paw to rub violently at his gaze. Little pricks of tears were gathering in the edges of his dark gray gaze and his pelt lifted.

"He said he was pleased you had a mate. But he was talking about the mid-assessments, and he was saying he wasn't happy that you'd taken Finchpaw out for training."

"We didn't... we didn't even train. Bearpatch is supposed to be the one mentoring her, I thought I was doing him a favor...?" He wasn't sure anymore. Adderheart looked back at his paws, ears flickering harshly.

"He's trying to replace you with Marigoldcry. He thinks that the mid-assessments were fine, I don't know what happened on them, but he wants to make all of them warriors now."

Adderheart turned to him with sudden confusion. "What? He can't do that, it's only been... it's only been a little more. A moon, I don't know. They aren't old enough, and I know that the other apprentices aren't skilled enough."

"He doesn't care," Pantherleap mewed softly, "he wants new warriors for the rogues, and he wants new apprentices, too."

"What? What rogues? And what...? New apprentices? There aren't any kits old enough."

"They won't leave us alone at the borders. Nobody's been talking about the skirmishes too much because Cougarstar wants to plan an attack on them with the new warriors to show our strength, because he thinks they have a camp," he explained quietly. "He also thinks that the elders are with the rogues now. And new apprentices, as in—"

"He can't do that! That's not allowed. He can't just attack them because of the elders, and he can't make Willowdapple's kits apprentices. They're barely one moon, maybe two, I don't know!" He shook his head fiercely, looking down at his paws.

"He can do whatever he wants to," Pantherleap murmured gravely. "You know that. Even if we don't like it, there's nothing we can do. Tinydust can't stop him, I can't, Bearpatch can't... nobody can."

Adderheart's tail thumped against the ground. "Well, I still don't want to be Willowdapple's mate. I don't want to hurt the elders, and we can just fight off rogues at the borders. We don't need new warriors," he stated firmly.

"He'll make them new warriors anyway. He doesn't care, though I think Coalbelly was ready to claw him when he kept mentioning the kits becoming apprentices; I don't think that's going to happen."

"Then we have to be there for the ceremony. I can't miss Finchpaw's ceremony."

"I don't think it's going to happen today though," Pantherleap commented. "Plus, if you did miss it, I'm sure she'd understand."

"How can you be sure? I want to be there. I'm not going to miss it, come on," Adderheart mewed firmly, rising to his paws with his tail flickering sharply behind him. The thought of missing her ceremony was one that angered him greatly; he'd been the one to do all of her training.

It only made sense for him to go, though the thoughts of the earlier conversation that he and his mate had shared reappeared within his mind. The original purpose of the talk resurfaced and he shoved it down. I'll deal with it later.

"You still haven't done anything about Willowdapple," murmured Pantherleap, letting his tail inch close to Adderheart's. Swallowing anxiously, the latter wrapped his tail around the one that'd brushed against it.

"I know," he breathed, shaking his head. "I don't want to be her mate. It's not... I can't... she isn't..."

Pantherleap stayed silent, letting his ears prick momentarily as he looked back to Adderheart.

"She had her kits. The other two of her litter. They were dead, and she... she still had them, as if she was caring for them as she cared for the two alive ones. I don't know why," he suddenly stopped in his blurting speech, pausing to realize what'd he done. "W-wait, no, no..."

"What?" Pantherleap turned to him, head quickly shifting to look at him. "No, it's okay. What are you talking about?"

Adderheart shook his head fiercely, ears flickering sharply as he inched away, and then he quickly inched back. He hadn't... he wasn't supposed to say that. Come on! Shut up and get away! This is what the entire relationship is going to be like! His mind roared to life and he shook his head harshly again.

Pantherleap's muzzle twisted momentarily, though it was swift to resolve as the tom pressed against him as if to comfort him. But the feeling of their pelts brushing together made Adderheart feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it also made it cold and sharp, like ice was breaking them apart.

"She... she... she had all four kits. Whitekit, Snowkit... they were the ones that died. And Featherkit and Stagkit—"

"Vixenfeather and Milkfrost," Pantherleap blurted immediately, turning to face him. "Is she...?"

"No, she's not. Why would... she be my mate then? That doesn't make sense, no. No."

"I know some cats think that while you can like she-cats if you're a tom, you can also like both," Pantherleap mewed shortly after, ears twitching. "Could she...?"

Adderheart paused for a moment, wrapping his tail around his paws. I can like both? Would cats like me more? Would everyone like me more? He wondered, ears flickering fiercely. But I don't like she-cats. I like toms.

His ears continued to twitch back and forth, but his tail was still. The two toms had wrapped their tails around the others, creating a connection between them that was unbreakable by either of the toms, unless of course, they pulled away. Yet neither did so.

"I don't think she loves me."

"What? How do you know that?" Pantherleap asked, tipping his head gently.

"She... I saw her kits and she thought they were alive. I offered to take them away because we can't have corpses of kits just lying next to her. I don't know, I don't think she was in present day. She was all weird and bouncy, I don't know. I don't think she loves me."

The words easily cut through the air and Pantherleap shifted, ears flickering sharply. Adderheart instantly regretted telling him all about it; it wasn't really his place to explain it, and besides, he didn't think there was any way for him to go back on being her mate. He was stuck, caught between two places that he really didn't want to be.

One was being with Willowdapple. He didn't like she-cats, so it would and could never work, no matter what either of them did. He highly doubted that he was one of those cats who liked she-cats and toms, because he just had never loved a she-cat, and he doubted it would suddenly happen now. And even if it did, it definitely wouldn't be the queen.

And the other was being with Pantherleap. Theoretically, it was the better of the two options, because it meant that he could be with someone that he loved. But it just felt wrong. And they had to keep secrets closely guarded. And they had to hide things from others. And it was just against everything that he'd ever known. Ever.

So how was he meant to pick? Adderheart didn't know and to him, it seemed like Pantherleap didn't either. He was caught between two things, and each was pulling him out, stretching him, trying to get him to snap. But simply, he didn't. He just bounced back.

Frustrated, he shook his head fiercely, ears pinning to his skull almost instantly. He didn't know what to do. He shifted closer to Pantherleap, who murmured something comfortingly. He tried to block out the rising storm within him, and the other tom pressed against him.

"It's okay. We can do it together."

Adderheart melted away within the bigger tom's embrace.