With a steady, unlabored breathing, I observe the flames dance in the fireplace as I lazily stroke Mr. Fluffles. It's comforting running my fingers through his silky coat, it soothes my aching joints and trickles warmth into the frosted crevices of my chest, where a beating heart used to reside. Now, in its place, there is only a frozen lump, incapable of feeling anything other than apathy. In my skull, there is nothing but a nugget of coal, as worthless as the ashes left behind by the fire.

I continue petting the cat. My hand traces and retraces the path up its spine almost obsessively; I'm afraid that if I stop for even a second, I may forget the action. Other than the sporadic crackling of the flames and the creature's purrs of contentment, the living-room is shrouded in a long-awaited silence, unburdened by the voices containing pointless facts and information. Goosebumps break out along my skin as my mind subsequently wanders to the torture of the past few weeks. I've had to complete nine exams: three for Economics, two for English, French, and Math.

At times, the end of high school felt like a mirage, hidden behind a haze of hasty revisions, insomnia, and manical laughter. Now that it's a reality, there is a void where my soul used to be, an emptiness which seems to expand with each passing day.

After finals came formal (prom) and after formal came graduation day. I've been accepted to the university of my dreams, so what is the purpose of my life now?

I lift my hand and pat Mr. Fluffles twice on the butt. After a tired miaowww he opens his eyes and stretches, digging his sharp claws into the flesh of my thigh. Before, I would've cursed and batted him away, but now, I feel nothing. Even the pain is a distant memory. He miaows again—probably disgruntled by the disturbance—and hops onto the moquette, sauntering away without so much of a glance.

I am abandoned to solitude, mummified in a sitting position and with a fire halfway through its mortal life, but not without a purpose. It didn't take long for me to find one more fulfilling than the last.

I lean forwards and reach underneath my armchair—with a grace which rivals Mr. Fluffles', I pull out my high school year book and cradle it in my hands.

The moment I open it, the fire goes out, plunging the room into darkness.

I begin turning the pages, disregarding the lack of visibility because I know exactly where each and every red 'X' is, over whose photo it belongs to. The crosses are intermittent for the best part of the yearbook, but when I get to the end, to the final grade, that's when things take a turn for the horrifying.

Twenty down. All random, scattered over the two pages like their body parts around the state.

With a smirk on my face, I stick my index finger in the air and twirl it in a circle. Who will my next victim be? I wonder.

I bring down my finger and when it lands on the page, the fireplace lights up again.

You.

-:-

*clears throat*

Even though I may have graduated in 2015, the traumatic memories of high school haven't vanished, not even well into May 2016. It's not every day that you hear someone rant about high school (secondary school—goes from 7th to 12th grade) in Australia, land of the kangaroos, BBQs, and rabid koalas. There are significant differences between being a senior in Australia and being a senior in America (because apparently, most Teenfics here revolve around American high schools. *cough* including mine *cough* *wheeze*) but I won't go into that now. That's a rant (?) for another time.

So let's get started with the ten points of BS I've had to deal with in high school (and pros + cons!)

1. Gossip.

Pros: If you're a petty bitch like me, who likes to listen to people spill the tea, then this is perfect for you. I personally was never too caught up in the gossip (the party people were), but it was always fun to listen to the kind of stupid shit people got into. Whether it was true or not. There's also a lot of boy-talk, but unfortunately, since our brother school mostly contained rich fuckbois that have the brain or an Ampelosaurus, nothing people said could ever be exciting. Disgusting, yes, but not exciting.

Cons: Gossip can be life-ruining, especially when the rumours are false. Drama is one heck of a shit-storm, and you DO not want to get caught up in it. But do you think its bad at a co-ed school? Imagine going at an all girls school. There's gossip waiting for you at every corner, in every room, every toilet, waiting to be heard. It can get to the point where you get so fed up with listening to what Tiffany did with that pole last week-end or how Jeremy banged Felicia in the back of his Chevrolet, that once you leave, it's like a breath of fresh air. Clean, shit-less fresh hair.

2. School Uniforms.

I went to two different schools during my time in Australia, and each school has their own uniform. The one for the first school I went to (a public, co-ed one,) was alright—there was some leniency in what you wore as long as it matched the school colors and clothing. So basically, as long as your bottom was navy-blue, you could wear jeans/skirt/leggings, etc.

For my senior years, 11-12 grade, I went to an all-girls private school instead of a college. This means that I had to wear a uniform as a senior as well (because in college you don't). My pros and cons will be on this.

Pros: You don't have to worry about picking out an outfit every day, only panties. But a lot of people didn't seem to change those either so...

Cons: If I showed you my school uniform for my senior year, you'd probably laugh me off a cliff. Anglican all-girls private schools seem to have a thing for below-knee-length skirts, box-shaped shoes, and sun-hats that melt. Not even, that we were surrounded by boys all day. It was all chicks.

They were expensive, and juniors (7-10) had a different uniform to the seniors. (Did I forget to tell you that private schools range from K-12?) Meaning that  you needed to purchase two different unforms (four actually, one for winter and one for summer. No, five, counting the P.E uniform) throughout 5 years of schooling. That is not to mention that my school colors were bottle-green, and I looked like a nun. A run-down of the uniforms are:

Junior/Winter: White dress shirt with a tartan patterned dark-green skirt that HAD to be below the knees. Navy blue tights. black-box shoes. Jumper. Blazer.

Junior/Summer: Dress that looks like a combo of the two ^^ except that it's light green with a similar tartan pattern. A potato sack over your head is more flattering than this. Same shoes, blazer (even in summer!!!) and melty-hat.

Senior/Winter: Ditto to Junior/Winter, except that the shirt has a red border along the collar. That's literally the only difference between the two uniforms.

Senior/Summer: Ditto to winter, except that the collared shirt is short-sleeved,  the skirt is in a bottle-green block collar, and the jumper isn't compulsory. (But the hat and blazer is!!)

Okay, I just bored myself recalling this, but the struggle was real. I swear my school had the ugliest uniform in the state.

3. Fire alarms.

Pros: When they goes off in the middle of a boring lesson. Like Math or Theory of Knowledge (any IBers out there?). Instead of screams and cries of bloody murder, the entire class erupts into a cheer; girls chest bump and squeal, while the boys rip their shirts off and let out a roar. Throughout the entire charade, the teacher just scoffs and gathers their belongings (a two-foot ruler and the class roll). Even though everybody gets herded out of the rooms like cattle, its worth the degradation—you get to spend at least 15 minutes messing around with your friends.

Cons: When they go off in the middle of winter/summer. The entire process becomes a funeral procession. Nobody wants to leave, preferring instead to be burned alive in a fire rather than stand under the pouring rain, shivering like a newborn fawn. It's even worse when you have to spend it under the Australian sun—make sure you have your hat on, lads, or those few brain cells you have less will evaporate into nothingness.

*Fun story: One time the fire-alarm went off because these two air-heads at my school left a sandwich in the toaster. The school had to call the firemen and everything—at least, they were hot.

4. Cliques.

Pros: Uhm. Acceptance, I guess? Cliques in Australian schools aren't the same as the ones in America. In Australia you have the popular/party crew, the normals, the ultra-geeks, and the occasional loner. No in between. Everybody sticks to their groups, but nobody has an issue with crossing over (yes, even some popular people crossed over into the geek crew), and drama stays within the squad.

During my senior years, the popular group called themselves the 'gals' (stupid right? They gave themselves that name, that's not Mean girl type shit). There were one or two bitches in the group, but a lot of them were actually really nice. What made them popular was the fact that they threw parties a lot, had an entire section in the common-room (where only twelve graders could hang) to themselves, and wore their skirts above their knee. Wow, so hardcore, am I right. But yeah, these people could be wild, but so can everybody in Australia.

Cons: Fitting in. A lot of people dream to be in the 'popular' group because of the fun-factor and everything and would go out of their way to try and get into it (WP Teenfics, anyone?). It's really sad. Another problem is that a lot of these groups contain people that have known each other since the very beginning, so it's hard to break-into them. Or, at least, you have to be hella charismatic. People aren't that much of a fan of change, especially when they spend most of their lives at the same school.

5. Cafeteria.

Pros: In Australia, they don't exactly have...meals on trays. Basically, on campus, there was a mini-store with various foods you could purchase each day. Like, somedays they had nachos (my fave!), wedges, fries, noodles, etc., and others they had specials. You can choose what you want to eat, but mostly, you have to bring your own food from home. Not unless you want to bust 10 dollars on lunch.

Cons: Unless you go to the cafeteria 0.02 seconds after the lunch bell goes off, all the hot food will be gone. Imagine hundreds of girls stampeding to get to the hot french fries, the dramatic lines which snake down onto the street, and the evil-glint in the eye of teachers that get to cut the damn line. The cafeteria is also expensive af, and most of the food is unhealthy (well they had a couple of salads, yoghurts and such). Plus, if you eat there often, you start to get tired of the same specials, so you either resort to stuffing your face with cupcakes at the bakesales (and sausage sizzles) or starve.

6. Rude/incompetent teachers.

Cons: There are literally no pros to this. Having a teacher that is a complete buffoon, but still gives out free As sounds good in the short-run. But when you're off to university, with a crappy background on the subjects you want to study, then things aren't as funny anymore. It's hell having to recover the lost subjects (in fact, I have to recover Math because of that BS).

Teachers in Australia are known to suck (at least, a lot of them are), and I've experienced this first-handedly. In fact, for my IB finals, I had to find information on most of the syllabuses on my own, because the teachers either a) didn't teach shit in class b) only relied on dodgy powerpoints c)skimmed through IMPORTANT information which they considered pointless d)don't actually have a teaching degree. I don't understand how you can allow a teacher to teach without them having a goddamn degree. Seriously.

*Fun story: We had a Spanish teacher that could translate a 600 page book from Mandarin to Spanish but couldn't even call the roll correctly in class. He was constantly day-dreaming, I wonder what he stirred into his coffee.

7. Assembly.

Pros: When you get to skip it. Kidding! Sometimes they announced interesting stuff, like upcoming bakestalls, excursions, whatever. But that's about it.

Cons: Assembly is a fixed period, meaning that every week, we had assembly on the same day, same time. It dragged on for 40 minutes, and at the beginning we had to sing the national anthem and throughout the assembly, two hymns. We also had to listen to the principal (or vice) give us a long-ass speech on a quote of the week, exciting enough to put someone suffering from insomnia to sleep.

8. Carnivals (Swimming/Athletics/Cross Country/etc.)

Pros: If your fuel is "School spirit" then this is the thing for you. No, you don't compete against other schools in random activities, you compete within your school against different 'houses'. I think my school had about five total, and each student was placed into one at the beginning of the year, sticking through with it until graduation. If you're into sports and stuff, love dressing up to the theme, etc., then this is super fun. It's even more fun because you skip a day of 'school' to hang out with your friends.

Cons: If you're someone like me, who hates your school, then this is torture. It's still technically considered a school day, so if you don't show up, then you get marked absent. (I always missed these because I considered them a waste of time.) I find these activities fulfilling if you're like, twelve, but when you're a senior, with assignments/exams/university applications to complete, I rather not waste a day doing dumb-ass shit. It's usually the same three people that participate in the activities anyway. The rest just sit back and hang about.

9. Bullying.

Cons: Again, no cons. What would a pro be to bullying? Yeah, that's what I thought. I've never been bullied in high school, but I know of some people who did. It's especially bad in all-boys school, where things get physical quite often (and people are rarely expelled). Australians can be animalistic when they want to be—they train with alligators five hours a week. So don't fuck with them. Seriously though, all types of bullying, be it cyber-bullying, physical, verbal, etc. is wrong, and can damage a person for life.

Even though high school is only a small portion in the bigger picture, it's still a significant one—it's your teenage years we're talking about. Puberty is already a hard thing to get over on it's own, but when you have someone that makes you feel like shit 24/7, then it's like adding wood to an already burning fire. Also, teachers/ other students rarely do anything, because frankly, they don't give a shit. So talk to your parents or a close friend if someone is harassing you, don't let things escalate. The one who's going to have to live with the psychological repercussions of bullying will be you, not the bully.

So please stay safe, my salty french fries. x

10. Racism.

Cons: Tell me there are pros. I dare you. I double dare, you motherfucker.

Being a POC in a mostly-white preppy school is almost akin to running on a bed of nails naked while getting doused in fuel and lit on fire. I've never outright experienced slurs, etc., but there's always that element of discrimination, whether you want to ignore it or not.

For example, the student council was composed only of white girls—the school vice captain was an Aborigine girl, and that was only because they wanted to show the world that "Hey, we aren't racist! We have an Indigenous girl!" but that wasn't it. All the other captains (art captain, textiles captain, dildo captain) were white, with the occasional one being Asian. That's it.

The micro-aggressions were also a constant thing.

For example, once my French teacher asked us to write a rap for some stupid presentation thing. And because I was the only girl that was black (I'm Dominican, but I have African heritage), everybody immediately started pointing to me and said that I should be the one to do it. Excuse you, just because I listen to fucking hip hop, doesn't make me Drake or Big Sean. It's so rude to just assume that I can rap because I'm a WOC.

Another example: I played for the school's soccer team in 11th grade, and I was practically a beast. I carried the fucking team throughout the championships (First division!), and even the coach + parents idolised me. So I ran for soccer captain in 12th grade because, you know, I was the best soccer player. There were two other candidates going, the vice-captain from 11th grade (because in 11th grade you're vice, but 12th you can go fo rcaptain) and some other chick. Both basic Beckies.

So I wrote my "pick me" blurb, complete with witty humour and soccer puns, and I swear to you that I was convinced that I would get the position. There was no reason I shouldn't. BUT  LO AND BEHOLD, that bitch who tripped over her own feet and played in 3rd division (the division which fools go into) got soccer captain! WHAT A SHOCKER! WOW SUCH BAFFLEMENT. MUCH WOW.

I kept playing for the school, but just because my team in twelvth grade was bomb and the coach was an absolute sweetheart. Also, we destroyed everyone and won the championship undefeated. I shit you not.

There's a lot more and I could go on forever, but I don't want to hear for ONE SECOND that racism isn't a real thing in Australia. BECAUSE IT IS!!!! WaKE UP

-:-

I'm done with this rant because all this salt is making my blood pressure spike.

*angrily crosses out three other faces from the year-book*

*mumbles* The topic for next's episode of Uhm, Can You Not?  will be on Flying. 

🍟🍟🍟

Is there something that you're itching to complain about, but have the good sense not to do so on a public forum? I can do it for you! Feel free to PM me with the topic you want me to rant about, and I won't think twice before adding it here. I'll be waiting!