chapter eight,     i want to be yours

𝓐leksander & 𝕷iya

          ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-THREE scars were plunged deep into her skin. He counted them all. He could only do so because of the way she was sleeping, her breathing even and her face calm. Aleksander was mesmerised by a woman, who only recently showed another part of herself – her scars.

            Fjerdans were known for their torturing techniques. It was a mystery how they didn't end up killing Liya when she was captured for so long. Perhaps they were trying something unknown, in the meantime leaving scars on her body to remind her of who she was. A witch to them. A marvellous Grisha to him.

            His hand softly dropped on her shoulder as she wasn't facing him, the rising sun was glorifying her and for once, he was more than content with light. It finally soothed him and didn't remind him that he would never be able to have light of his own. He gently pushed the ring with the metal claw down her skin, not intending to hurt her or leave scars, but to watch how the little goose bumps appeared on her skin. He didn't deserve serenity, yet he drank it whole as he had been deprived.

            Aleksander moved closer to her, pushing his hand underneath her arm, wrapping it around her waist and pulling himself closer to her. He buried his nose into the back of her neck and deeply inhaled. The memory of the previous night was igniting all of the senses and the taste of her lingered in his mouth. Never thought of being able to cherish someone like this, now he was getting drunk on the senses alone.

            She twitched in her arms and her even breathing was overtaken by a deep exhale. Her body slightly froze, but she quickly eased down and didn't move an inch.

            "I haven't slept like this in..." She started, her voice silent.

            "Forever. Me as well." He admitted.

            Liya placed her hand on his which was around her waist. He didn't move, his face buried in her neck as he was just breathing in her scent, lulling himself with it so that he didn't realise that the whole room didn't have that ray of sunshine anymore. It was covered with his shadows.

            "Describe it to me," she asked.

            Only then did he slightly move and notice the darkness they were inside, but he could see her perfectly. After all, the darkness was a part of him that he knew so well. He wondered, if she could see this darkness, would she be afraid? Would she walk away from him if she could see how he is?

            "Sometimes it comes unexpectedly," he admitted. "Just like now."

            "Did something happen?" She shifted in her place with worry, wanting to turn around, but he didn't let her. He locked her with his arms and placed his head on her shoulder.

            Closing his eyes, he replied: "No. Sometimes it happens because I'm just lost."

            "Lost how?" She was prying, but he could let her do so.

            "In my feelings," he answered and placed a soft kiss on her shoulder, feeling the shivers on her skin.

            "It only shows that even the things we are scared most of, have some happiness inside of them."

            Aleksander hummed against her skin: "You always have such a way with your words."

            "We must get ready, don't we?"

            They had to get ready. Today, was the day before the celebration and soon, many delegations will start oozing inside of the palace. The Royal Family will greet them all and they insisted that the Darkling would be there too, since he was the one to keep the biggest peace with the upcoming General Pavel. Both sides knew that there would be no peace and that General Pavel would be just like Zlatan. But it was to blame the King's foolishness.

            "I'll take you to Genya during the greetings," Aleksander promised even if he knew that the King wanted for him to take Liya with him. But it was best for her safety, especially during the time of people gathering.

            "Thank you," she whispered.

            With a heavy heart, they both got out of the bed and they got dressed. He watched the way she gathered her beautiful hair in her hands, braiding it simply and pushing the brain into a bun, securing it with some pins from the braids before. He watched the way she secured her kefta, how she ran her hands around her to feel if there wasn't anything that needed to be tucked away. She was managing so well.

            "I can feel you staring," her words surprised him, as he was clasping the buttons of his kefta.

            "I am staring," he didn't try and hide it. Why would he? He wanted to look at her as much as he could. He won't see her this entire day.

            "It's making me nervous," she tried to reason with him.

            Aleksander chuckled, fixing the collar of his kefta, "Nervous after last night?"

            Her cheeks turned crimson. "You are horrible, you know that?"

            He loved to see her worked up. "I am the definition of evil in the stories, your words are kind."

            He was evil and he knew that. He had many years to live with that. To live through many sorrows and losses. He couldn't undo what he did. He couldn't undo what he created. It was a weapon, even if it didn't listen to him anymore, but it was a piece of his soul. He could feel it, even far away, pulsing with darkness, with the souls of lost people. It was his fault, but blaming himself didn't get him this far.

            That's why Aleksander was so attracted to Liya. She brought light and peace that was never seen within these walls. She was a lost soul, but fighting so hard to survive, given all the horrors she had been through. He allowed himself to be selfish too many times – he allowed himself to be selfish with her. And he will never get the forgiveness from her nor did he ask for it. As long as she was here, with him—everything was manageable. Even the most evil souls want love. They yearn for it. They kill for it. They destroy it.

            And if necessary, he'll do all the same – for her.

· · ─────── ·♔· ─────── · ·

            "YOU'RE BLOOMING," Genya stated.

            Liya sighed, shaking her head: "I'm just happy I don't have to be with all of the others."

            Both of the Safin sisters were left alone. Finally. The others were in the main hall, greeting the delegations, but both the Queen and the General left the sisters here. These moments were rare, but appreciated as the two sisters were finally able to be alone, without having to rush somewhere.

            "The Queen went crazy this morning," Genya sighed. "Everything I did was wrong. But I cannot fix what can't be fixed. She's getting old."

            "Even old, she will be a Queen."

            "She's surrounded by young mistresses. She's losing her mind. She wants to be attractive."

            Liya chuckled: "I'm told the King is not really attractive."

            "Well, he's the image of what money can do to you when everyone else is starving. He's disgusting," Genya spat her words out.

            Liya sat for a moment in silence: "I'm afraid this celebration will not end well."

            Genya placed her hand on her sister's: "There are more guards than I have ever seen. We're all protected. Besides, they are in our territory. They should feel scared."

            The younger Safin sadly smiled, nodding: "You are right."

            Genya put her hand away from her sister, taking a sip of the tea that was placed on the table in front of them: "How is he treating you?"

            "Who?"

            "You know who."

            Liya could feel her cheeks heat up, the sensation from the previous night still fresh, but she quickly put herself in reality. "He's protective."

            "So I've heard. People haven't seen you in the main dining hall ever since he began to court you."

            Liya winced. She didn't like to be the centre of attention. "I've never enjoyed eating there anyway. I am an outcast here. Many still believe that I'm useless here and I can't blame them."

            "They are just jealous because you are well-protected and they would never send you into the front lines."

            "It beats the purpose, doesn't it?" Liya took her cup of tea. "Being a Grisha, but not doing what we have to."

            "I'm fixing the Queen's breasts twice a day. It doesn't make me really useful, now does it?" Genya pointed out, making Liya nod and stay in silence.

            This place wasn't perfect. It wasn't safe. It was full of talk and eyes watching you. It was exhausting. You had to be useful to be respected, but if you were too useful, the others hated you.

            "I would like to come back home," Liya silently said.

            "The Fjerdans burnt our village," Genya explained, the sad tone heard in her voice. "It was everything we had left."

            There wasn't their house anymore. There will never be gingerbread, there will never be the joyful voice of their mother and the encouraging voice of their father. There will never be the giggling of two young girls, playing with each other, singing made-up songs. There will never be the love of the family that was torn apart too soon.

            "Our mother started to sleep beside me when they took you away," Liya said. "She used to call your name out in her sleep until she slowly went insane. She couldn't look at me, because I reminded her of you." Gulping tears, Liya shook her head, still hearing her mother's wailing tears. "Once, I remember I played with your dolls and she started to cry, searching for you all around the house. Dad started drinking. He started to sleep outside. He couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle it."

            Liya continued: "Just before her death, she finally pulled me close and hugged me. I knew she was dying. She didn't wail anymore. She didn't eat anymore and I couldn't help her. She pulled me close and she told me how much she loved us. How much she hoped that both of her babies would have red hair. How happy she was to see us play. How happy she was to have us."

            "Oh, Liya," Genya choked out, the sob getting stuck in her throat.

            "I will never understand how the fate put us in here together. After all this time. I will never be thankful enough for this."

            Genya grasped her sister's hands, squeezing them tightly: "I promise, " she sniffled, "as soon as this celebration is over, we'll make some gingerbread. Just the two of us."

            Liya smiled and nodded, closing her eyes. She felt Genya's touch on her face – she was wiping her tears away. "No more tears, okay? We still have each other," Genya encouraged both of them.

            Genya was right, they still had each other. And that was the most important thing in a place where danger was lurking in every corner.

            Suddenly, they both heard a few knocks on the door and she heard how Genya stood up to open it. A familiar voice reached her: "I'm barging in, but the greetings are finally over."

            "General," Liya stood up as a way of greeting him formally.

            "Do you mind? I have to take Liya to prepare for the celebration. The King wasn't content with not seeing her there," the General explained.

            "When is he ever content?" Genya bitterly asked.

            Liya walked towards the door, finding her sister and giving her a tight hug. "I will see you tonight, yes?"

            "I'll see you tonight," Genya calmed her down.

            Liya outstretched her hand to the side, feeling Aleksander taking it and guiding her out of the room. She didn't really know where she was as this side of the palace remained unexplored by her and Grisha couldn't enter this side without permission.

            "You've been crying," Aleksander stated.

            "Longing tears, Aleksander. Thinking about the past is hurtful."

            Aleksander suddenly stopped, making her face him: "Are you alright?"

            Liya gently smiled, placing her hands on the collar of his kefta: "I'm happy to have my sister. I'm happy that she is alive and well. I am more than alright." She placed her hand around his and they kept on walking: "How was the greeting?"

            "General Pavel is arrogant, I can already tell. I've already doubled the guards at the main hall. He looks like trouble," he explained.

            "I don't think he knows how dangerous you are," Liya thought out loud.

            "He does. But he will be a fool if he will try to go after anyone. Not only that would be treason and his entire family would be beheaded, but that would only show that he was here for one reason only."

            "Revenge."

            Aleksander pulled her closer, his grip tight around her: "No one will dare to hurt you, my dearest Liya. You don't know how much you mean to me."

            This time, Liya stopped in her steps and placed her hand on his chest: "How much do I mean to you?"

            She felt him lean in closer, his presence already surrounding her: "You mean everything to me. Everything."

just a reminder that this book is coming to an end!! i really want to hear your speculations on what do you think will happen! and thank you so much for your support!! xx