AU: x
Ship: Royality
Prompt: X
Requested by: X
Warnings: Feeling numb, hints of depressive effects, minor mention of self-harm urges.
Summary: Patton's still trying to get better, but there are some days he just feels numb.
F/A/H-C: Hurt-Comfort
POV: 3rd
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Side Note: I'm back, hi. So Some things have occurred recently in my personal life and that's why I haven't been writing as much as I said I would, but now I am, I promise. There's some fluffy royality coming up after this, and a couple other of my WIP's may finally get finished lmao. 

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Had it been minutes?

Hours?

He didn't even know if it had been days.

Just staring at the ceiling fan spin.

He could feel and hear himself breathing, but he felt dead... Maybe because he wanted to be. His limbs seemed to have no force behind them if he even tried to move them. He should be working! He had work to do, but he couldn't. He didn't want to move, he could barely force himself to. He had been doing so much better, but something inside him just snapped.

He couldn't take it anymore, the cycle continued, repeating over and over. He'll be fine for weeks, a month if he's lucky. Things would seem to be looking up, his smile would be more real than fake, he'd actually feel the want to get out of bed.

Then everything would come crashing down harshly around him.

Though he was better than he used to be, those thoughts still lingered.

The urges and wants to harm, in any way would come in waves. Harsh ones. He'd have to bite his lip and remind himself, "For Roman... For Roman..." and the blade would stay clean, no more wounds for that night.

He'd keep repeating the phrase, "It's going to get worse before it gets better..." That used to lift him up, remind him that he would eventually feel okay again. Permanently. Now it didn't, it just made him afraid, afraid of the next day. For him, there was no better... There would never be a better... He was going to be stuck in this perpetual state of worse and false sense of hope... forever.

He took a deep breath and sighed, hearing a knock on his door, he could barely force the words out of his mouth, "Come in..." he murmured, he hoped that he would be able to be heard. He didn't know if he could repeat it any louder. The door cracked open and in walked Roman... Roman gave a soft, sad smile as he sat down beside him. "Patton... How are you?" he asked. Patton tried to think about that question, was he okay? No. Was he upset? No... He hated answering Roman this way, but that was the truth...

"Numb..."

He tried not to notice the look of pain that traipsed across Roman's face at his answer, but, of course, he noticed it and spoke the first thing that came to his mind, "I'm sorry..." Roman quickly shook his head and shushed him, reaching out to hold onto Patton's hand delicately, "Do not apologize for this, Darling... I'm aware this won't get fixed overnight... But I'm not leaving you, I'll stay by your side, and try to help as much as I can." He reassured, for the third time that week as he brought a kiss to Patton's hand.

Patton gave a hint of a smile, "Thank you, Ro... I really appreciate it..."

There was a beat of silence before Roman sighed, "Pumpkin, would you be alright if we cuddled for a little while? Then get something to eat?" He asked quietly. Patton quickly nodded, already shifting to give more space on the bed for Roman to join him. Roman smiled gently at him, joining him in the bed and allowing him to curl up to him in whichever way felt most comfortable for him.

They ended up with Patton resting his head against Roman's chest as they had their arms wrapped around one another. "You're doing so well, Patton," he murmured, "I can see the effort you're putting in, and I know you can do this... I know you can conquer this..." Patton's eyes watered, his grip on Roman's tunic only tightened as he clung onto him. He didn't know how much he needed to hear that until he did... "Thank you..." He whispered out with a shaky voice, desperately trying not to break down crying in front of Roman...

He wasn't sure if he would be crying out of sadness or relief, relief of knowing he wasn't alone, or the sadness of knowing he was still going to be struggling with this. Roman shushed him, beginning to thread his hand through Patton's soft hair, "It's alright, my sweet. You don't have to hold back from me, let it out..." He quietly coaxed. That's what caused it, Patton finally broke down, letting out pathetic sounding sobs against Roman's chest.

Roman stayed with him the entire time, murmuring reassurances to him and more words of comfort, hoping to do all he could to show his dear love and support. After a few minutes, Patton managed to calm down, yet he never moved from where he clung onto his boyfriend. "Patton?" Roman asked gently in an attempt to gain his boyfriend's attention, which he did. Patton looked up at him, clear tear tracks staining his face, "...Yes?" He croaked, his voice still a bit off from crying.

"I love you..."

"I love you too..."