" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

"This really is a nice ride, isn't it ?"

Kazuma: Hmmhmmm...

"The wind blowing past us, the sights as we speed through..."

Aqua: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH !!

"And how could I forget Aqua wailing in terror. Truly a delectable piece."

Kazuma: I could go without that last part, honestly.

Aqua: K- Kazuma-san ! Kazuma-san ! I want you to switch seats with me ! This is too scary !

Kazuma: ... Hey Darkness, isn't this a bit too fast ? If an accident happens at this speed, we'll die instantly !

Darkness: It's alright ! The carriages used by royalty all have a powerful barrier cast upon them. In the case of an accident, the people sitting at the driver's seat will be the only ones to go "Splat". Hahahaha, wonderful ! These lizard runners are truly wonderful ! let's go even faster !

Aqua: Stop !! Hey, let me get back in the carriage !!

"... ... You'd think they'd value the life of the royal coachman a bit more than that..."

Kazuma: And speaking of royalty...

Megumin: Kazuma Kazuma !

Kazuma: Yes I'm Kazuma.
Megumin: There were mandrake-like creatures copulating just now !

Iris: W- Where is it ?! I want to see the Mandrake as well !

Megumin: What you want to see aren't the mandrakes but the copulation, right ? Not only do we have a noble Lady who tried to amuse herself with your "Big Brother", but we also have a member of royalty who's a closet pervert. Will this country really be fine ?

Iris: There aren't any closet perverts in royalty ! ... Who is the noble lady who tried to amuse themselves with Onii-sama ? Could it be...

Darkness: ... ... ... ... ...

'Tried, and did. Multiple times."

Aqua: Hey, what are we going to do if we crash into a monster at this speed ?! If a precious existence like myself goes "Splat" in a place like this, this world is going to end ! Hey, Darkness, are you even listening ?!

Darkness: It's alright Aqua. This carriage is outfitted with magical tools that repel monsters so it's unlikely for monsters to suddenly come out and crash into us. Yes, as long as our luck isn't bad, we'll be fine...

Aqua: Guys, darkness just raised a flag ! I'm begging you, please just let me into the carriage !

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOM*

"Seriously Darkness, unlike the other two, you haven't thrown us in mortal danger regarding Demon generals, so please don't start raising flags now."

Kazuma: I kinda get now why the request only applied to him... He's literally a one-man army. Are we even needed ?

Darkness: You tagged along solely because it was from Lady Iris.

Iris: EXTERION !!

Monster: MOOOAAAAAAAHHH !!!

Kazuma: ... hey, why is Iris that strong ? Forget us, why is there any need for bodyguards to begin with ?

Darkness: Lady Iris is a member of royalty, you know ? Since a long time ago, royalty and powerful nobles have been inheriting the blood of heroes, and as a result, their latent potential skyrockets with each generation. On top of that, they receive the highest-quality education in a variety of fields. Adding on to that, they use the highest-quality food ingredients without reserve in order to raise their level, and they use weapons inherited from the heroes to fight. Do you know that his majesty and the first prince are currently fighting at the frontlines ?

Kazuma: 'Then just send the royalty to defeat the Demon king already.'

Iris: How did I do Onii-sama ? I worked hard !

"I saw, and i'm very proud. Keep training and soon you'll be strong enough to face against the demon king's generals like me. Keep it up."

Kazuma: Ghhhhhhh... !

Aqua: Kazuma, stop biting into the seat while crying blood, please.

Iris: I want to be as strong and confident as Onii-sama... So please leave the vanguard to me ! Please look closely as I sweep away the monsters using this divine relic that has been passed on from my ancestors !

"... Divine relic ?"

Megumin: hey, what is this sword ? It looks really expensive, and it's shining with light and stuff.

Iris: Are you talking about this ? This is a national treasure named Calibur, and apparently, it's a divine relic that can protect the bearer from all abnormal effects and curses, you know ? The sheath was really pretty, so I begged my father to give it to me.

"Calibur, huh ? It must have belonged to an extremely powerful hero in the past..."

Kazuma: 'What's it doing in the princess' hands, and not used on the frontlines ?'

Megumin: Although you are still my underling, this is what I would expect from my left-hand man. If you see a monster, just slash the same way you did just now.

Iris: Yes, please leave this to me !

"... Am I the only one thinking this is wrong ? Like, we're supposed to be..."

Kazuma: Hey Megumin, what do you mean by "underling" and "left-hand man" ? Did you do something weird without me noticing ? I can't help but get a bad feeling about this. The only way for you to communicate with Iris should be through mail, right ?

"You do realize mail delivery has been greatly sped up recently, right ? i'm not just handling packages."

Kazuma: Right, that...

Megumin: How disrespectful of you to call this "something weird". We only perform acts of justice. Also, right now, we're only at the level where my left and right hand have found a hideout, and are starting to expand. Once we become an enormous organization, I will invite you to be my comrade in arms.

Kazuma: ... So she made a secret base with some friends to play in, right ?

"Seems like it. In the end she's still acting like a child."

"You little rascal get back here this instant !!"

iris: Onii-sama, the rest took refuge near the ceiling !

"Fine ! Roasted it is then, you ruffians !"

Kazuma: ... How did it devolve to that ?

Darkness: As expected of lady iris. I didn't think that you were this strong already. You must have worked hard, haven't you ?

Kazuma: ... First the big brother, and no even a big sister image... Why ?

"i'm thankful you went with the siblings first instead of... Something else..."

Iris: Speaking of which, you used to train me, didn't you, Lalatina ? it's because of that that I am able to be this strong right now. Thank you, Lalatina.

Darkness: Fufu, I am not worthy of such praise.

"... Now that I think about it, didn't you say that the Dustiness House acted as the 'Shield of the nation' or something ? I hope you realize that you didn't really protect anything today, you were the one being protected by royalty, and you didn't really do anything either."

Darkness: Ah ?! W- W- What are you saying ? I just felt that monsters of that level were good combat practice for Iris, ok... ?!

Iris: Onii-sama, Lalatina acts as the guardian of royalty at the crucial times. She is the armor and shield of my nation. there's no need for her to act for such minor incidents. She will definitely protect me if I ever get into a pinch !

Darkness: Lady Iris... !

Kazuma: ... At this point, i'm not sure who's the elder sister and who's the little sister anymore...

"Let's leave it at that. Iris doesn't know about Darkness' antics, and we don't know about Lalatina's antics as a noble... Let's forget about that and prepare for our camping night..."

Darkness: yes, let's prepare our lodgings for tonight. Lady iris, please step aside.

*SCHPROOF*

"... ... I'm pretty sure that mansion wasn't there a minute ago, was it ? How did that happen ?"

Darkness: What do you mean by that ? Could you have possibly thought that the princess of the nation would go sleep in a tent , this is one of the highest-grade magic tools of the nation, which has a monster repelling barrier, and is quite convenient to carry around...

Kazuma: That's fine already ! Rather, are we really needed ?!

Kazuma: I knew something would go wrong when he said he'd do the cooking...

Iris: It went through the window !!

"Not on my watch ! Get back here, you !!"

Darkness: What kind of dish is this ? It's the first time i've seen something like that.

"The results of a fierce battle with the ingredients that were playing dead until now."

Iris: Lalatina, this is an extremely popular dish that not a single person despises, call Cha-han (Fried rice). I actually helped make this !

Darkness: Lady Iris did ?! Well then, it seems like you worked hard; I will look forward to it.

Kazuma: ... Didn't know you also had the cooking skill.

"I don't. But when you live alone and a bit far from the city, you gotta learn a few simple ones. Or you get take out."

Kazuma: I'm gonna assume fried rice wasn't always your first choice.

"Got me there."

Iris: Lalatina, this si definitely an extremely popular dish. Despite this "Cha-han" dish only being stir-fried, it still has a very rich taste.

Darkness: there aren't any high-class ingredients here are there ? Why is such a quality dish not served to the likes of nobles ? It's quite strange isn't it...

"... Kazuma, you smelling the same thing as me ?"

Kazuma: Yeah, and it's beautiful... The smell of business opportunities... Uber Eats ?

"Definitely. Let's take over this world through capitalism alone."

Aqua: Hey guys, leave tomorrow's food to the great Aqua. I will allow the two of them to eat the tastiest dishes.

Megumin: if that's the case, leave dinner of the day after to me. I will make the dishes that I ate often back at the village of Crimson magic.

"... Megumin's one thing, but Aqua wanting to cook ? That's new."

Kazuma: if they're willing to help, let's not say no... But still check up on healing items, just in case...

Darkness: hey, this dessert called "Potato Chips" is quite good.

"Haaaaa... "

Aqua: Today's dinner is Tuna-mayo rice !

Kazuma: 'Has this girl gone mad ?'

Iris: it's another dish I haven't heard of. The people around Onii-sama are quite well-informed aren't they !

Aqua: This is a given for a great Archpriest like myself ! Just saying, this is a food that you can quickly prepare if you're crunched for time. For an adventurer who could lose their life with a moment(s hesitation, this is a treasure, alright ?

Iris: I see, so it's a dish eaten specifically by adventurers !

Aqua: ... And, it's done.

Kazuma: 'All you did was put the tuna and mayo on the rice !'

'And it's done. This is more of a snack than a dish, to be fair...'

Kazuma: 'My point exactly ! Has this girl gone mad ?!'

Aqua: You won't be full with just that, so I prepared some dried-seasoning over rice and raw-egg over rice, alright ?

Iris: Yes, i'm very much looking forward to this !

Iris: Lalatina, this dish was made in a mere moment. The entire creation took less than a minute...

Darkness: Is that true Lady iris ? Hey, why didn't you tell me about such a convenient dish sooner ? If you could make such a dish so quickly, then this dish is truly priceless.

Kazuma: 'Everybody knows, beside you...'

Aqua: It's not just soy sauce and salt, it's also tasty with hot sauce alright ?

Darkness: ... Aqua, to be honest, I thought you were a useless and ignorant person, but it seems like I can't judge a book by its cover. Please forgive my shallow attitude.

Aqua: there are a lot of things in this world that you have yet to know about. Since you and Iris are both young ladies, it can't be helped. Someday, I will teach you how to eat the ice cream that is stuck on the cap of a box of ice cream, as well as a bunch of other useful, small skills, alright ?

"Please don't. You'll make a lot of very powerful people angry with things like that... Just a day and half until we reach Elroad...

Kazuma: It's okay, it's okay... Megumin's the one in charge of cooking for tomorrow. Her cooking skills aren't that bad either, so it should be alright...

"Kazuma, flag raised."