Narrator: A month has passed since that fateful day when everyone's world got all twisted, leaving them stranded in a castle in the sky. Since then 2,000 poor souls came to an abrupt and tragic end. (shows a group of monsters killing a player) Some, by bad luck. (shows an image of of a man dying) Some, by sheer stupidity. I mean really, why would you just stand in fire? (shows a shot of a man standing in fire)

*Flame SFX*

Narrator: Anyways, that didn't bother The Kid none. He only cared about one thing, and one thing alone: Himself. 'cause in a game of life or death, you either live, or you die.

Maverick: Oh, wow. What brilliant insight. It's so deep it loops right back around to being stupid

Narrator: The Kid ranted at no one, it slowly dawning just how alone he truly was.

Maverick: Wait, What was that?

Narrator: He asked the sky, like a preacher to his silent gods.

Maverick: What gods? What are you talking about? It's all bullshit metaphors with you.

Narrator: He cried, not knowing the difference between a simile and a metaphor. The tininess of his brain dwarfed only by the tininess of his di-

Maverick: Narrator off.

Narrator: You can silence me but you can't silence the tru- *beep*

Maverick: Dick

[ Opening Sequence ]

Diabel: Hey Everyone! Thank you all for coming to our little pow-wow. Now, I know many of you may be discouraged by the face that two thousand people have died so far.

Player 1: What?

Player 2: 2,000 people are dead?

Player 3: It hasn't even been a month yet!

Player 4: Oh my God, we really are fucked!

Diabel: And I know even more of you are a little down because we haven't even cleared the first floor yet.

Player 5: We haven't?

Player 4: I thought we were almost done...

Diabel: Uh, you guys do know there are a 100 floors, right?

Everyone: What?

Diabel: Oh, jeez I am just making things worse. Point is we found the boss room! *crowd gasps* Now, we've formulated a few strategies with the help of a few beta-testers-

???: Beta Testers?!

Diabel: Oh, God damn it. Kibaou what do you want?

Kibaou: Beta testers, they're the reason we're stuck in this game!

Diabel: What? Do you have any evidence to back that up?

Kibaou: Pfft! Evidence. I don't need evidence. Isn't that right, Jesus?

Jesus: It's pronounced "hay-soos", and I don't know you.

Kibaou: Well, they still should've helped us newbies.

Deep Voiced Player: If I might interject.

Kibaou: And who the hell are you?

"Deep Voiced Player": I am known by many names, "Mountain Slayer" "Thunder Lion" "The Chocolate Axe"... But you? You may call me... "Tiffany".

Kibaou: Tiffany, huh? That's a... pretty masculine name.

Tiffany: Shouldn't be, it's a woman's name.

Kibaou: Kay, I don't know how to talk to you...

Tiffany: Good, then you can shut up and listen. Does everyone here have this book in their inventory? *chorus of yes's*

Random Dude: No... Wait, can I change my answer?

Tiffany: This book is full of tips and strategies on how to survive this game, put together by the beta testers. Everyone read it, yet some people still died. The beta testers did everything they could.

Player 2: Actually, I didn't read it.

Player 3: Yeah, I didn't read it either.

Player 1: I skimmed it.

Tiffany: What?! Didn't any of you read it? It is literally a matter of life and death.

Player 2: Well, dude, it's like 80 pages...

Tiffany: Two thousand people are dead!

Everyone: They are?!

Tiffany:...I am SO done with you people...

Player 2: What d'you mean "you people"?

Diabel: So, as Mr. Thunder Chocolate was saying, this book has some great strategies, including how to beat the first boos: Illfang. *clears throat* "So, as you enter the boss room, he's gonna send wave after wave of disposable minions after you" "And you must answer in kind"?

Player 1: Uh, What?

Diabel: [ Continues reading ] "Send the weaker players first." "Good rule of thumb" "If a player asks you for gold two seconds after meeting you" "front lines."

Kiabo: Hah, serves'em right.

Diabel: [ Continues ] "If they hijack conversations to rant about their political views" "front lines"

Kiabo: Aw, shit.

Diabel: [ Continues ] "If they ask female players for pics of their boobs" "front lines"

Player 2: Oh, Bullshit.

Player 3: That's discrimination!

Player 4: Boo!

Diabel: Now now, people, I think there's some valid points being made here. Now, it goes on to say when Illfang's health goes into the red, he's going to switch from his axe and buckler to something called a "talwar" At that point, we should initiale a stategy called the Final Solution, and- I'm just going to stop reading. Jesus, who wrote this thing? *Maverickchuckles* Ok, so, the guide's a bust, but it'll be fine. I'll come up with a great plan for us.

Player 5: Like what?

Diabel: Well... We... could... uh... Uhhhhh... I'm open to suggestions.

Player 6: Woah, guys, we could-we could, ya know, like, group up an-

Player 7: And hit it 'till it DIES!

Player 6: Wooh, nice! High five! *high fives*

Diabel: That's... a good start, but let's hear some other suggestions.

German Player: I'd like to hear more about this Final Solution.

Diabel: Fuck it, group up... *Maverick squeaking as he moves up to a hooded player*

Maverick: So... why aren't, uh, you joining anyone's group?

Hooded Player: I have my reasons

Maverick: Is it because you're a girl?

Hooded Player: NO! It's because, I don't know how to play...

Maverick: Because you're a girl?

Hooded Player: NO! It's just... I don't know how to open the menu.

Maverick: What? But you can't do anything in this game without the menu. How have you survived all month?

(flashback) (the Hooded Player with bread and cream on top looking at it)

Hooded Player: ... *whining* How do I eat you?!

(flashback ends)

Hooded Player: It's... been a challenge... What about you? Why haven't you joined the others?

Maverick: Oh lots of reasons... Mostly because they're a lot of mouth-breathing neck beards who think "LMAO" is how French people laugh. *in backgroud* Hahaha! That's so le mao! *Maverickshudders*

Hooded Player: Wow... You certainly... speak from the heart.

Maverick: Funny, I thought I was speaking from my mouth, but eh. Shows what I know about biology.

Hooded Player: No one else wanted you in their group, did they?

Maverick: Shut up, it was mutual!

Diabel: All right, looks like everyone's grouped up. Get plenty of rest tonight, people. We leave at noon.

One Player: *groan* Noon?

Another Player: That's so early.

Diabel: *sighs* Alright, what about one o'clock?

Yet another player: One? Dude, come on.

Diabel: Ugh, God, fine, we leave at the crack of two-thirty, I guess. Lazy buzz...

One more lazy player: Christ, I'm gonna have to set my alarm.