I woke up in Madeline's bed.

Reaching for my vibrating phone under the pillow, I opened one eye to see who was the caller. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.

It was Oz.

"Hey," I answered.

"I'm an hour away. Text me your dorm address."

"You drove all night?" I asked, sitting up as I rubbed my eyes.

"Yeah, and I'm tired as fuck," he grumbled. "Alfie can leave his truck in Rutgers for all I care, he's driving my car home 'cause I'm about to pass out."

My eyes traveled to the 6'2" lump on my bed across the room. He was sleeping soundly, with a little frown on his face. I hoped he was able to sleep without any shitty nightmares. That seemed to be the only way for him to escape his reality.

"How is he?"

Events from last night came crashing back to me. I ran a hand down my face, and sighed. Even if he tried his best to hide it, Alfie had huge abandonment issues. I'd seen him lose his shit before, but not like this. Never like this.

It was as if he finally gave up on life.

"Still alive," I told Oz. "Barely."

"Did he get into a fight?"

"No, he..."

I closed my eyes, but it was a really bad move because all I could see now was Alfie spreading his arms as he stood on the railing of a bridge, balancing himself with a bottle of Jack in hand. My eyes shot open, feeling the sting of warning that tears were about to come. I bit my bottom lip and tried not to sob.

"Just get here," I said quietly.

Oz probably heard the defeat in my voice, because his tone hardened.

"I'm almost there."

I drew in a shaky breath, as I hung up and texted him the address to my dorm building. I sniffed, wiping my tears that escaped with the sleeve of my sweater. Alfie's drunk ass almost fucking slipped. He almost fell off the...

If I didn't get there on time, he would've...

I almost lost him...

"Con?" called a groggy voice.

I didn't answer. I just watched my best friend sit up and stretch his arms. He scratched his head as he tried to get his bearings, looking around the room. Finally, he saw me staring at him and noticed my tear-streaked face, which caused his eyes to widen in concern.

"Why the fuck are you crying?"

My blood boiled. Glaring, I grabbed hold of the nearest thing to me, which was a pillow (much to his luck), and chucked it at him. It was about to hit him on the face, but he was able to catch it. Damn him and his athletic reflexes.

I snapped. "You almost jumped off a fucking bridge, you asshole!"

He blinked in surprise. "I did?"

I could practically see the memories of last night coming back to him, because then his expression turned sad as he looked away.

"I did."

I stared at him, trying to understand where all this was coming from. "What's going on, Alf?" I pleaded. He couldn't go on like this. "Talk to me."

He rubbed his face hard, before letting out a low laugh. "It's fucking petty, when I think about it."

"Tell me, anyway."

He was quiet for a full long minute. He leaned his back on the wall, hanging his head as he looked up at the ceiling.

"I didn't choke at the game last week," he admitted. "I gave up. Coach and I had a row after that – told me how I wasn't worth shit. And I lost it, letting it out on one of my teammates right then and there. That was when I got kicked out. A few days later, they told me I was suspended until further notice."

Oh no, Alfie...

"I wouldn't be fucking surprised if I get kicked out of the team."

"Why did you give up?"

"I couldn't handle all that shit anymore." He shrugged, stating it like it was a fact. "The pressure, the damn expectations... The eyes on me every fucking second of every fucking goddamn day." He sighed and closed his eyes. "It all just got too much. It was suffocating the hell out of me. I couldn't breathe anymore."

His face scrunched up, and I caught tears running down his face as he silently cried. I felt like a part of me broke, seeing him like this.

"I just wanted it to stop," he whispered, his voice cracking. He shook his head and wiped his tears. "I want everything to stop."

When he didn't say anything anymore, I went over to his side of the room. I sat beside him on my bed, putting my arms around him to surround him with warmth and the comfort of knowing that he wasn't alone.

"I'm drowning, Con." He sounded so broken that it shattered my heart. "I'm in too deep that I can't fucking see the surface anymore."

I couldn't say anything.

The only thing I could do right now was cry with him, cry for him... for my best friend who always flipped any bad situation into something light and funny... for my best friend who had always been there for me, no questions asked... for my best friend who I didn't know could break more than he already had.

"Worst part is, I thought I lost the one person I counted on to pull me out of the water every time I found myself drowning."

"You'll never lose me, Alf," I murmured.

"Yeah, I know," he admitted, pressing his wrist against his eye and wiping away the rest of his tears. He took a deep breath and looked at me, offering a small smile. "I was just being an insecure little bitch. I was afraid he'd take you away from me."

"He won't," I assured him firmly. "Even when he knew our history, Scout never once stopped me from talking to you or seeing you – as long as you're not being a complete dick about it." Like yesterday. "He even offered to help me look for you last night."

He frowned. "But you were alone."

"Because I knew you wouldn't listen to me if he was there." I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "You were being an 'insecure little bitch' too much to notice that he was only trying to help out."

Alfie nodded in agreement. "He's not bad, I'll give him that."

Scout wouldn't reply to my texts, though. I left him updates on what was going on all night, but not once did he text me back. I'd call him as soon as Alfie and I finish this conversation.

"Are you happy?" my best friend asked.

I gave Alfie a small smile, before nodding.

His expression softened. "Good."

"Are you really okay with us?"

He averted his gaze. "I can't always run to you when I need to get away, Con. I need to learn how to cope on my own."

"You don't have to deal with it alone, you know."

"Yeah, I know. But I can't always rely on other people to make me feel better about myself."

"Alfie..."

Alfie shook his head, looking like he wanted to drop the subject. It looked like his vulnerability hour was done. But I wasn't. Not yet.

"What are you gonna do now?" I asked him.

"Take a break." He sighed, sounding tired. "Fuck knows I need it."

He closed his eyes and hung his head back, while I looked down and glanced at my phone. Still no notifications.

Alfie and I sat side by side on the bed, basking in silence for a long while. The sunlight made its way inside my room, offering a soft morning glow that only added to the quiet atmosphere that surrounded us.

"How's the Golden Boy?" Alfie asked.

I shrugged. "Still not answering my texts."

"You tried calling him?"

"Right now?"

"Why not?"

I studied him. His face was blank, he was back to looking bored. It seemed like now that he aired out his issues, he was already over it. But was he, really?

"Call him, Con."

Whatever, I needed to talk to Scout.

I unlocked my phone, not wanting to waste any more time. I was about to open the contacts when it started ringing.

It was Scout.

"Hey," I greeted, answering him right away. "Good morning."

"'Morning." His voice was so cold that it took me aback.

"I was about to call you—"

"Can you catch a ride home with someone else?"

I frowned, and immediately got to my feet. "I thought we're riding back to town together."

"Sorry, I just... need some time alone to think things through."

"Scout, come on," I pleaded, as I started to pace in my room. "I already told you it's not like that. Did you see my texts?"

"I saw them," was his only reply.

"Did you read them?"

There was a beat, before he said, "I gotta go. See you in Mount Valley."

And just like that, he hung up. I stared at my phone for what felt like an eternity. I didn't have a clue on what to do. I wanted to run to his dorm and beg him to listen to me, but I had a feeling he didn't want to see me right now.

He said he needed some time alone. The least I could do was respect that.

"What'd he say?" Alfie asked.

"Looks like I'm driving your truck," I said, meeting his eyes.

He made a face. "Huh?"

"Oz drove all night – he's almost here," I explained. "You'll drive his car and I'll drive yours. I'm going home today with you guys."

Alfie studied me. "You okay?"

"Fucking peachy," I breathed out.

I went around my room and began packing my things. I needed a distraction. I didn't want to think right now.

Scout wanted space? I'd give him space.

I wasn't gonna cry over the fact that he was colder than ice when I spoke to him on the phone. He needed time alone, and I was going to honor that. I wasn't the clingy type, anyway – nor was I needy.

So then... Why did I feel like groveling?

_____________

Early update to start May with a bang!

Next update: Tuesday

Coming up next..... Chapter 37: Get It Together
Y'all miss the crew, right?

#SavageMeWP