October 31, 2019

"I thought we made a deal that I didn't have to dress up," I whined to Eun-Jae as he dragged me to a costume shop at the very last minute.

"I'm not going to force you, but do you want to stick out like a sore thumb?" he questioned me as he searched through the rows of shelves.

"No," I scoffed, crossing my arms.

"Exactly," he shot me a wink going back to search something for himself.

The shelves were half empty seeing as they had been raided for the past few weeks by those who planned their costumes in advance. The few costumes that were left were either sizes that were either too big or too small and the ones that were my size had been opened already. I wasn't finding anything I liked. If I hadn't told Olivia I wasn't wearing a costume she wouldn't have secretly pushed Eun-Jae to take me shopping.

"Hey Nari if I buy the paint can you turn me into a skull?" Eun-Jae wondered, looking at the wall filled with paints.
"Sure, I can try," I shrugged, thinking it wouldn't be too hard.

"Then my costume is done," he grinned, grabbing black and white paints along with some brushes.

"I thought you had a costume ready when you invited me yesterday, " I told him while poking him with a plastic sword I found in a basket.

He tsk'ed before answering, "You still have a lot to learn about me."

Rolling my eyes, I kept looking for anything to build a costume with.

I was still down because Taehyung was not texting me at all. This morning I didn't send him a good morning message and he didn't even bother to send me one. I hate men sometimes. Everything was going wonderfully and whenever something did happen, we'd talk about it so why is he shutting me out now, did his manager say something? This situation of not knowing what's going on is driving me insane and it was tampering my partying mood. I love a good party, but I wasn't as excited about tonight's because of a dumb boy.

Roaming the accessory row, I found a black cat-like mask and thought of what I could do with it, maybe I could be cat woman and dress in all black. I held onto it and kept searching for other options I saw a wig that resembled Cruella de Vil's, Devil's horns, Cat ears, a sexy nurse outfits but none convinced me. Catwoman it is then. I found Eun-Jae by the candy aisle as he picked some candies and I joined him to pick some for me too. They were already on sale since Halloween ended tonight. After we indulged ourselves in our selection of cheap, delicious candy, we paid our stuff and made out way to our apartment. I was going to take a nap before getting ready I'll need the extra energy.

"Eun-Jae I'm gonna take a nap, I'm tired and my stomach kinda hurts," I stated when I walked through the dorm's door, "Wake me up around 8."

"No problem, maybe it was all you ate," he told me, referring to the dinner we had.

"Probably," I chuckled, closing my bedroom door behind me.

I laid down on the bed and checked my phone to see if I had missed any notifications. Disappointed there wasn't anything I locked it turned to my side and fell asleep looking forward to tonight's distractions.

"Nari, wake up," Eun-Jae softly shook my arm.

"It's time already?" I murmured, rubbing my eyes.

"Yeah, come on," he said, "We leave at around 11."

Sitting up on the bed, I checked my phone again responding to Macy and Jin's texts about their cute couple's costume, they were going as Lola and Bugs Bunny. Olivia was salty because it would be the first year all three of us wouldn't match Jin told her to dress up as Daffy Duck, but she took offense to it saying she would be a charity case. Instead, she stole a few things from my room and would be dressed as Hermione Granger. I was proud of her since the only reason she liked Harry Potter was because of me and my obsession with it.

After taking a shower, I blow dried my hair and added some loose curls to it. Before I got dressed into my costume which I threw together not so long ago I called Eun-Jae into my room to paint his face. He came in dressed in all black clothing black jeans, black converse, and a black t shirt with a cool black jean jacket on top. Giving me the bag with the make-up he sat on my desk chair.

"Make me look creepy, but hot," he told me, closing his eyes.

"I can't do anything about the second thing," I teased him, opening the white paint and beginning my work.

"Bitch," he muttered as I patted the sponge across his lips shutting him up.

I did his skull make up mostly in silence with a playlist of his in the background. Occasionally I'd tell him to open or close his eyes as I brushed black paint around them. His face had a white foundation while his eyes were painted black, I added black details across his face and then on the mouth area to simulate teeth. I often looked down at the reference picture trying to replicate it to the best of my ability. Doing Eun-Jae's make up helped me get him off my mind as I focused on the paint that coated the brushes and partially my hands. I faltered as a familiar voice came through the speakers.

"Shit, sorry, I didn't realize that was there," he apologized skipping the song.

"It's fine Eun-Jae no harm done," I responded with a smile as I worked on creating a shadow around the harsh lines I made to make the illusion appear more real.

"Nari, I can see how this is hurting you, you don't have to hide it," Eun-Jae whispered, grabbing the hand that held the brush making me lower it.

"I'm fine, really," I tried convincing him, the tears brimming my eyes betraying me.

"Give me hug," he told me to which I complied wrapping my arms around his shoulders, "Let it out."

My shoulders shook as sobs left my mouth. It was the first time I cried over this whole ordeal and it felt good like a relief of sorts. Eun-Jae rubbed my back comfortingly telling me everything would be okay with half his makeup done. 

"I-I don't understand," I sobbed, "Everything was perfect, hell, I fell in love with him and I even thought he had fallen for me too."

"I'm so stupid. It was too good to be real," I hiccuped into his shoulder.

"No, Nari," Eun-Jae sternly said, pulling me away from his shoulder, so I'd look at him, "You are not stupid for falling in love with him, he's the stupid one for doing this to you."

"You're such an amazing person Nari, I have no complaints about you which is incredible cause you know how people get on my nerves," he joked, "I know you gave that relationship your all but don't let it bring you down. It's his loss and he'll regret hurting you."

"Thanks, Eun-Jae," I responded, giving him a watery smile, "You're a great friend."

"I know," he smiled.

For the next 45 minutes I proceeded to finish his Halloween make up as we talked about what to expect of the club we were going to in Hongdae. Grabbing my big mirror from the desk, I brought it up to his face, so he'd see my masterpiece.

"Holy Shit Nari this is awesome," He gasped seeing his reflection.

"You mean I'm awesome," I nudged him.

"That too," he agreed, looking at himself from all possible angles.

"Go get ready I'll be in my room taking pictures," he giddily said.

Laughing at his antics, I put on a black off the shoulder top along with a black leather skirt I rarely use and thigh high black books. For my make up I kept the focus on the eyes adding a smoky eyeshadow look and black eyeliner. As always, I chose some sparkly earrings, a silver necklace and a watch.

My hands picked the one Taehyung gave me for my birthday, I held the cool metal in my hands, debating if I should wear it or not. Turning it in my hands, I noticed that it was engraved I swiped my thumb over it reading his name in fancy cursive. I don't want to believe he went through so much effort and months of talking just to ghost me. There had to be something else happening.

I decided on not wearing a watch and instead went to put on my mask. I brushed my hair back and carefully put it on as to not mess up my hair or makeup. Satisfied with the result, I took a step back and glanced at my reflection in the full body mirror. I looked hot, so I followed Eun-Jae's lead and took pictures to post later on Instagram. Calling Eun-Jae over I took pictures with him to show off my makeup skills.

(This but with a skirt)
We took a few drinks before the clock struck eleven and together made our way to the club meeting our friends along the way. The more we neared the street lined with clubs the more we felt the bass of the music. Excitement made its way through my veins, it had been so long since I did anything like this. I'm happy Eun-Jae invited me. Inside the club there were hundreds of colored lights giving us a glimpse of all the people in costumes around us. Some were elaborate, some were sexy, others were funny, and some were actually scary, still, without fear we wove ourselves through the crowds getting some drinks from the bar on the left side of the club. The space consisted of two floors on the bottom there was the bar and a huge dance floor and on the second floor there were several private booths that looked down on the dance floor, it also had a bar.

We were a group of five and once we all had our drink of choice, we went to the center of the dance floor. Surrounded by all types of characters and creatures dancing along to the music. Following their lead, I began dancing to the unknown song the DJ was playing holding my drink up preventing it from spilling. It was starting to get hot both from the alcohol and the dancing. Sara another exchange student friend of ours danced with me as we swung our hips to the beat. We laughed when we tripped on other people or spilt drinks on people passing by. She'd wiggle her eyebrows when hot guys passed us by so I'd get a look too. She was a very easy going person making me feel comfortable in the new space.

Eventually a guy got close to us and whispered in my ear, "You're alone?"

Knowing what type of guy this was I told him, "I'm here with my girlfriend," while pointing to Sara. It's something I'd done with Olivia countless of times.

"Prove it," he scoffed. His move was predictable, and I had no problem with showing it.

"Okay," I told him with a smirk, pulling Sara by her arm I kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear, "Follow my lead."

She nodded slightly and didn't question me as she had seen me talking to the strange guy in front of us. Placing my hands on her cheeks I kissed her. Sara's hands going to my waist and pulling me closer. We kept kissing until the guy who was in shock disappeared from our surroundings.

"Whoa, what was that?" Eun-Jae screamed at us as he came back with our drinks.

"A way of keeping unwanted male attention away," Sara answered, giggling.

"I would say it got my full attention," he exclaimed while laughing.

"Idiot," I chuckled at his dirty mind, taking my drink from his hands.

As the hours passed Sara found a guy who she was interested in and went to pursue him while I stayed with the rest of the group, I hadn't left the dance floor since I arrived and my feet were hurting. My stomach had started to hurt two hours ago too, but I ignored it since I was having a good time. The music had changed too when we got here it was upbeat, now it was starting to get a tad slower and a lot more sexier. Ariana Grande songs came up left and right setting the mood there were couples and random people on every corner and in the hallways making out to their hearts content. Not wanting to miss out on the fun that is dancing to this type of music Eun-Jae and I paired up together, knowing that our hearts were already spoken for and we each knew our boundaries. If people were to see us, they'd think we were a couple, but we were far from it. Just friends having the time of our lives away from home.

At around 2:30 am, I began walking out of the dance floor to go outside. Eun-Jae followed me stopping me before I left.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine my stomach hurts so I'm going to go outside and get some fresh air," I tried speaking over the load music, pointing toward the exit.

"I'll come with you," he said concerned.

"No, that's fine, I'll be back in a little bit."

He nodded, unsure and watched me walk away.

Outside the air was cool bringing me relief as my skin was feeling overheated. Although. I have had a number of drinks I was not drunk, but there was a buzz in my body and mind. My hearing was dampened due to the loud music in the club and my voice was hoarse. There was not a lot of people outside as they had either left or were in the clubs partying. The ones who were outside were either smoking or making their way home, heels in hands and animal headbands lopsided. There were couples rushing to private places stealing kisses from their lovers (strangers they just met), quick steps, and hand holding making it obvious. I sat on a bench breathing in the air that was mixed with cigarette smoke, it was still better than the one inside that was humid and smelled like alcohol and sweat.

I thought the muffled music and cold air would help me calm my stomach instead it made me feel the pain even more. I sat there for what felt like 15 minutes and the pain never subsided if anything it got worse. I couldn't go back inside I felt too sick nausea making itself present in the pit of my stomach. There was an alley close to me walking there I tried to vomit to get rid of that feeling but nothing came out.

Back at the bench Eun-Jae called my phone from inside the club, "Nari, are you coming in?"

"No, I'm making my way home," I told him although I was sitting right in front of the entrance.

"Wait for me, I'll be out in a minute," he quickly told me.

"I'm okay, really have fun, I'm already halfway there," I lied, trying to convince him to stay and enjoy the rest of the night.

"Um-aish, okay," he uncertainly answered.

"Bye," I told him, hanging up the phone.

With my arms around my stomach, I started walking in the general direction of the apartment. I didn't get too far because the pain was getting unbearable. Finding another bench, I plopped down in it, grimacing from the pain and nausea. The fact that I was out alone at 2:30 am in the streets of Hongdae hadn't hit me yet, but one look around made me acutely aware of it. I took off my mask that was starting to give me a headache placing it on the bench beside me and slipped my phone out of my pocket. I went through my recents lists to call for help because I was not going to be able to walk home in this condition, many people came to mind Hana, Sara, Eun-Jae, Jimin yet the one I wanted to desperately call was Taehyung, surprise surprise. I wanted him to come and comfort me, tell me everything between us would be okay, that I would be okay and that the pain was only temporary and would fade. Whenever I got sick, I got needy and if I were back home, I'd go into my parents room and cuddle up to my mom, sadly, I didn't have that here. The closest thing I got to the feeling of home was Taehyung I didn't want anyone else with me right now just him. With my heart beating rapidly I dialed his number hoping and praying that today was the day he would talk to me again. With shaky hands I brought the speaker up to my ear it rang and rang and rang, he didn't pick up. Not bearing the disappointment I dropped my hand onto my lap at the same time tears dropped from my eyes and a cry stumbled out of my lips.

A/N:

I'm sorry

Don't hate me

I love you

As always, please, remember to vote, comment, and share with a friend.

-Nikki Marie 💜